1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,506 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:08,967 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,094 (bell rings) 4 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,597 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,060 (sucking) 6 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,061 (register beeping) 7 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:32,490 (jazzy solo) 8 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,700 (tires screech) 9 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,414 -Aah! -(tires screech) 10 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:58,141 (humming) 11 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,642 Is it done yet? Is it done yet? 12 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,936 Your meat loaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer. 13 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:05,148 D'oh! Isn't there anything faster than a microwave? 14 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:09,110 Four, three, two, one, bing! 15 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,945 We have meat loaf. 16 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,281 Get it while it's unbelievably hot, kids! 17 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,118 Yum. I've got a dried-out end piece 18 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,703 with your name on it, Lisa. 19 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:22,332 (sighing) Thursday. Meat loaf night. 20 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,210 As it was is now and ever shall be. 21 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:26,252 What are you getting at? 22 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,587 Well, you're always trying to teach me 23 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,215 to be open-minded. Try new things, live life to-- 24 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,841 What are you talking about? Nobody's trying to teach you that. 25 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,511 -(sputtering) -Ha! Ha! Ha-ha-ha! 26 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,262 -Shut up, boy. -Well, maybe Lisa's right. 27 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,890 Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner. 28 00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:41,726 Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? 29 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,104 Marge, we haven't missed pork chop night 30 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,022 since the great pig scare in '87. 31 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,899 (sighs) Friday night, pork chops. 32 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:50,068 From cradle to grave, etched in stone 33 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,070 in God's library somewhere up in heaven. 34 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,030 Okay, okay, okay, okay. Where do you want to go? 35 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,866 Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza or fried chicken. 36 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,618 Fine. We'll go to Mars. 37 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,121 There's that new sushi restaurant on Elm Street. 38 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,206 Sushi? Hey maybe this is just one of those things 39 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,501 you hear on the playground, but isn't that raw fish? 40 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,503 As usual, the playground has the facts right, 41 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,380 but missed the point entirely. 42 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,966 Sushi is considered quite a delicacy. 43 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,926 -Please, Homer. Can't we try it? -No! 44 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:17,345 Please Dad, this argument humiliates us both. 45 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,972 If I said no the first time, 46 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,599 what makes you think I'm gonna say yes the second time? 47 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,726 Nothing, but you may say yes the 99th time. 48 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,644 Oh? Try me. 49 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:25,895 -Please, Dad. -No. 50 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,188 -Please, Dad? Please, Dad? -No. No. 51 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,190 -Please, Dad? Please, Dad? -No. No. 52 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,276 -Please, Dad. -Oh, okay, okay. 53 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,823 -BOTH: Ureshii mase! -(screaming) 54 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,741 Please, do not be alarmed. 55 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,327 Our chefs are just saying hello. 56 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,662 Oh, okay. 57 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,205 -(loudly) Hello! -(screaming) 58 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,249 This is our karaoke bar. 59 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,210 Now it is empty, but soon it will be hopping 60 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,838 with drunken Japanese businessmen. 61 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,715 I am Akira, your waiter. 62 00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:54,883 May I take your order? 63 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,260 What would you recommend for a family 64 00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,012 that's not sure they should be here? 65 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,598 The sushi surprise-- a little bit of everything. 66 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,600 It is very non-threatening. 67 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,934 I'll have one of those. 68 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,312 -Make it two. -Akira, my good man. 69 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:08,646 I'd like two sharks, an octopus 70 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,190 -and an eel. -Very good. 71 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,774 Do you have any giant squid? The kind that drags men 72 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,736 -to their deaths? -Not today. Sir? 73 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,238 It's so hard to choose. 74 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,698 It all looks so terrible. 75 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,492 Just bring me one of these, and one of these, 76 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,535 and one of those. 77 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,413 (grunting) 78 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,668 (disapproving grunts) 79 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:31,961 What do you think, master? 80 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,380 No, no, no. Toshiro, that squid looks like 81 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,342 it's been hacked by a blind woodsman. 82 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,802 Hang your head in shame. 83 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:40,929 (sighs) 84 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,144 Good thing I'm open-minded. 85 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,607 Not bad. Interesting. 86 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,902 Let's try this little pink one here. 87 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,154 Mmm, very good. And another one. 88 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,074 Oh, boy, this fish is delish. 89 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,914 (nervously) Hi, my name is Richie Sakai. 90 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,375 I'm an anesthesiologist, 91 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,753 and I'd like to dedicate this next song 92 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,296 to my wife, Patty. 93 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,385 ♪ I was born in the wagon of a traveling show ♪ 94 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,887 ♪ Mama used to dance for the money they'd throw ♪ 95 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:27,809 ♪ Papa would do whatever he could ♪ 96 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:30,103 Oh, ooh! And two of these things. 97 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,105 -Two uni? -And, ooh, ooh, 98 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,565 I don't believe I've tried the flying fish roll. 99 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,526 I recommend it with a roe quail egg on top. 100 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:37,986 You're the doctor. 101 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,739 ♪♪ (Theme from "Shaft") 102 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,574 ♪ Who's the black private dick ♪ 103 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,286 ♪ That's the sex machine to all the chicks? ♪ 104 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,453 ♪ Shaft ♪ 105 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,289 ♪ You're damn right ♪ 106 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,582 ♪ Who's the cat that won't cop out ♪ 107 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,294 ♪ When there's danger all about? ♪ 108 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,087 ♪ Shaft ♪ 109 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,880 ♪ Right on ♪ 110 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,508 There's got to be something I haven't tried. Huh? 111 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,719 Hey, what's this? Fugu. 112 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,471 (gasps) It is blowfish, sir, 113 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,140 but I should warn you that one-- 114 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:11,102 Come on, pal. Fugu me! 115 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,813 ♪ They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother-- ♪ 116 00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:15,606 ♪ Shut your mouth ♪ 117 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:16,733 ♪ But I'm talkin' about Shaft ♪ 118 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,152 ♪ Then I can dig it ♪ 119 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,112 ♪ He's a complicated man ♪ 120 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:24,574 ♪ But no one understands him but his woman ♪ 121 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,200 ♪ John Shaft ♪ 122 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,870 -(horn honks) -Oh, she's here. 123 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:30,788 Cover for me. 124 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,248 -One fugu. -(gasping) 125 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,084 Not fugu. If it is cut improperly it's-- 126 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,587 Yes, yes, it is poisonous, potentially fatal, 127 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,341 but, if sliced properly, it can be quite tasty. 128 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,092 I must get master. 129 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:47,597 Oh... oh... oh, Miss Krabappel. 130 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,559 Oh, your hair smells so... so clean. 131 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,395 Uh, master, you are needed in the kitchen. 132 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,397 I said cover for me, damn it! 133 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,983 But, master, we need your skilled hands. 134 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,403 My skilled hands are busy. You do it! 135 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,490 Hmm, hmm... 136 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,283 (sighs) 137 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,577 Poison, poison. Tasty fish. 138 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:17,126 Concentrate. Concentrate. 139 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,753 HOMER: I want fugu! 140 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,509 Mmm. Fan-fugu-tastic. 141 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,761 (whistling) 142 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,014 Oh, no! 143 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:34,018 (yelling in Japanese) 144 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,649 Beautiful language, isn't it, Marge? 145 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,818 For God's sake, don't eat another bite. 146 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,236 Oh, I couldn't possibly. 147 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,780 Mr. Simpsonsan, I shall be blunt. 148 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,199 We have reason to believe you have eaten... 149 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:50,451 -poison. -Poison! Wha! 150 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,578 What should I do? What should I do? Tell me quick. 151 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,288 Oh, no need to panic. 152 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,833 There's a map to the hospital on the back of the menu. 153 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,292 (siren wailing) 154 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,503 Try something new, Homer. 155 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,588 What will it hurt you, Homer? 156 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,882 I never heard of a poison pork chop. 157 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,635 Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you. 158 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:08,845 No need, doc. 159 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,513 I can read Marge like a book. 160 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,890 (groans) 161 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,517 Whoo! It's good news, isn't it? 162 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,144 -No, Mr. Simpson. -Oh. 163 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,646 If in fact you've consumed the venom of the blowfish-- 164 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,649 and from what the chef has told me, it's quite probable-- 165 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,735 You have 24 hours to live. 166 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,488 -24 hours! -Well, 22. 167 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:28,990 I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long. 168 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,408 Oh, Marge 169 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,368 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. 170 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,578 (sobbing) 171 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,538 Well, if there's one consolation 172 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:38,124 it's that you'll feel no pain at all 173 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,417 until some time tomorrow evening 174 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,252 when your heart suddenly explodes. 175 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,754 Now a little death anxiety is normal. 176 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,590 You can expect to go through five stages. 177 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:46,966 The first is denial. 178 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,801 No way, because I'm not dying. 179 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,386 -Second is anger. -Why, you little-- 180 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,138 (stammering) 181 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,389 Then after that comes fear. 182 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,057 What's after fear? What's after fear? 183 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,101 -Bargaining. -Doc, you gotta get me out of this. 184 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,311 I'll make it worth your while. 185 00:07:58,394 --> 00:07:59,979 And finally, acceptance. 186 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:02,148 Well, we all got to go sometime. 187 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,150 Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. 188 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,277 I should leave you two alone. 189 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,071 Perhaps this pamphlet will be helpful. 190 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,074 (Homer reading) 191 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,458 (sobbing) 192 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:23,211 Hello, Marge, hello. 193 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,546 I'm the one who's dying, not you. 194 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,716 (sniffles) Oh, I'm sorry, Homer. 195 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,426 Have you thought about what you want 196 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,594 to tell the kids? 197 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,763 Nothing. It'll just upset them. 198 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,473 I want my last hours of family life 199 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,141 to be happy ones. 200 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:40,978 Well, have you decided what you want to do tomorrow? 201 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:41,979 Almost. 202 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,148 (Marge muttering) 203 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,692 Oh, good. Aw! 204 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,321 I'm not done yet, Marge. 205 00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,658 What's that word you use for when you and I-- 206 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,285 -You know. -When we're intimate? 207 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,454 Be intimate with Marge. 208 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,040 Aw... Can I just make one suggestion? 209 00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,793 Can we get up early and watch the sunrise together? 210 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:07,213 Ah... watch the sunrise. 211 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,884 Till 6:00 a.m., my dearest darling, 212 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,262 and my last day on Earth. 213 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:17,848 (alarm beeping) 214 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,560 (snoring) 215 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:26,857 11:30! 216 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,526 Oh, that's just great. 217 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,861 Marge, why did you let me sleep so late? 218 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,488 You looked so peaceful lying there. 219 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,907 There'll be plenty of time for that! 220 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,576 I got tons of important stuff to do. 221 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,077 Bart. Bart! 222 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,288 "Have man-to-man with Bart." 223 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:43,666 Come here, boy. 224 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:44,709 Oh, man. 225 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,461 No! 226 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,880 I just want to have a heart-to-heart talk. 227 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,174 -Oh. -You know, Bart, 228 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,260 after me, you're the man around the house. 229 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,554 And that means you're gonna have to help out-- 230 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,222 Aw, come on, I do plenty around here. 231 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,057 Lisa never lifts a finger Why don't you go yell at her? 232 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:03,477 Shut up, Bart! This is good stuff. 233 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,438 I want to share something with you. 234 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,441 The three little sentences that will get you through life. 235 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,985 Number one-- Cover for me. 236 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,487 Number two-- Oh, good idea, boss. 237 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,989 Number three-- 238 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,824 It was like that when I got here. 239 00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,993 -Hey, this is good stuff. -Told 'ya. Now c'mon. 240 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,369 You're going to learn how to shave. 241 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:25,916 And finally, the little spot under your nose. 242 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,086 Next, we take some toilet paper, 243 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,213 tear off some teensy little squares 244 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,967 and stick one there... and there... 245 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,677 and anyplace you're bleeding. 246 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,262 There and there. Don't worry. 247 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,181 The blood will hold it right on your face. 248 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:43,392 And now... some aftershave. 249 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,603 Oooh! Ahh! Eee! Ahhh! 250 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,439 Hnnn! Ooh, ahh! 251 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,191 Son of a-- oh! 252 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,984 -And that's how we shave. -Ooh-- 253 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,569 -(glass breaks) -D'oh! 254 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,820 -Oh! -Why, you little-- 255 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,405 It was like that when I got here. 256 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,742 Oh, that's my boy. 257 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:03,162 "Listen to Lisa play her sax." 258 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,872 ♪♪ (saxophone) 259 00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,123 Hi, Dad. 260 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,125 Want me to cut out this infernal racket? 261 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,002 Oh, let me hear you play. 262 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,296 -Why? -Does a father have to explain? 263 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,924 Let's just share your gift. Okay? 264 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,134 ♪♪ (somber blues) 265 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,469 Oh! 266 00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:22,181 (sobs) 267 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,520 -♪♪ ("When the Saints Go Marchin' In") -Huh? 268 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:30,439 Yeah, that's more like it. 269 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,526 Ho-ho! Whoo! 270 00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:38,072 ♪ Oh, I want to be in that number ♪ 271 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:41,951 ♪ When the saints go over there ♪ 272 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,994 ♪ Oh, over there! ♪ 273 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:47,081 ♪ Oh, over there! ♪ 274 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:50,793 (Homer humming) 275 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,129 "Make videotape for Maggie." 276 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,880 (doorbell rings) 277 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,716 Simpson, what a pleasant surprise. 278 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,217 We were just pulling taffy. 279 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,219 Gee, the fun never stops at the Flanders house, 280 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,388 -does it? -No siree, Bob. 281 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,682 Hey, Flanders, could I borrow your camcorder? 282 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:05,725 Okie-dokle. 283 00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:09,895 Hey, why don't you your family 284 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,480 come over for a barbecue tomorrow? 285 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,399 -No, thanks. -Oh, are you sure? 286 00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,776 We got that new propane beauty just sittin' in the back yard. 287 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,653 -No, I don't-- -It's crying out 288 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,738 to cook up some good eatin'. 289 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,865 Flanders! I said I didn't-- 290 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,199 Tomorrow? 291 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,452 Sure, what the hey. 292 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,954 I'd love to come to your barbecue. 293 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,497 Heh-heh-heh. 294 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:32,501 I'll even bring the thickest, juiciest T-bones 295 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,544 you've ever seen. 296 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,671 Mm-mm, sounds terrif. 297 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,715 (chuckling) The joke's on him. 298 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,049 I'll be dead by then. 299 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,676 (Homer muttering) 300 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,136 Is that it? 301 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,471 (clears throat) 302 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:46,682 This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. 303 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,642 Hi, Maggie. 304 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,187 I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. 305 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,939 Whoo-hoo! 306 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,107 (laughs) 307 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,567 Hope that didn't scare you. 308 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,611 Well, Maggie, you're grown up now, 309 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,280 and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering 310 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,532 what kind of man your father was. 311 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,618 He was a simple man. A kind man. 312 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,329 A gentle man who loved his children and-- 313 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:09,538 -(phone rings) -D'oh! 314 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:10,664 (angrily) Hello! 315 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,708 Yeah, he's here. Who is this? 316 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,251 Bart's friend, Milhouse? 317 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,212 Bart, get your butt down here! 318 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,296 (tires screech) 319 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,969 -Dad? -Huh? 320 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,471 Oh, it's you. What do you want? 321 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,932 Dad, we've never been too close, have we? 322 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,225 Not to my knowledge. 323 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,101 Never went fishing or played catch 324 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,062 or even hugged each other. 325 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,188 We never danced the hootchy-koo either. 326 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,856 What's your point? 327 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,567 (voice breaking) I just want you to know 328 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,236 that I love you, Dad. 329 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,071 -You do? -(sniffles) Uh-huh. 330 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:45,199 Oh, son, I love you too. 331 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,784 Hey, how about a hug? 332 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,369 -Dad. -Sonny-boy. 333 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:49,870 -Papa! -Junior! 334 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,580 My old man. 335 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,582 Well, I got to go. 336 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:57,086 Oh, son, no. We got a lot of catching up to do. 337 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,255 Whaddaya say we go fishing? 338 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,674 Gee, Dad, if I wasn't on such a tight schedule... 339 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,802 -(sniffles) -Well, I-- 340 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,304 Oh, let's get some worms. 341 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,808 Ooh! Oh! 342 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:11,809 Hey! 343 00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,352 Well, no time for that. 344 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:18,274 -(grunts) -(chuckles) 345 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,650 Aw, I really wanted to do that one. 346 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,777 -(grunting) -I got you! 347 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,988 Aargh! 348 00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,365 Gee, Dad, way to hog my last moments. 349 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,325 Just a quick game of hacky-sack. 350 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,914 I love you, son. 351 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:37,418 Yeah, yeah. Gee, the old guy's a little love-starved. 352 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:41,130 Get moving, you hunk of junk. I gotta make up for lost time. 353 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,339 -(siren wailing) -D'oh! 354 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,552 (police radio chatter) 355 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:49,471 I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast. 356 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,307 -Just give me a ticket. -I beg your pardon? 357 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,766 Just give me a ticket! 358 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,311 Whoa. That sounded like an order. 359 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,897 I pay my taxes, and they pay your salary. 360 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:01,859 So when I say give me a ticket, just give me a ticket. 361 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,820 Uh-huh. Maybe we don't want to give you a ticket. 362 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,364 Maybe we wanna haul your butt in, wise guy. 363 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,408 (grunting) 364 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,328 OFFICER: Look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh? 365 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,370 -(door slams) -(officers laughing) 366 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,371 (whimpers) 367 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,337 ♪♪ (harmonica) 368 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,800 That's sort of nice. What are you in for? 369 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,886 Atmosphere. 370 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,805 Okay, flash, you get one phone call. 371 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:35,517 Wait. I can't call Marge. 372 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,936 It's our last day on Earth together. 373 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,354 I can't drag her into this mess. 374 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:41,273 I know-- I'll call Barney. 375 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,442 (ringing) 376 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,612 ♪ Nobody's here, nobody's here, nobody's here ♪ 377 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,949 Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes! 378 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,992 HOMER: Thanks a lot, Barney! 379 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,577 I just wasted my one phone call on your-- 380 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:57,915 Wait! I'm home, I'm home. Oh. Hi, Homer. 381 00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,583 You gotta help me Barney, I'm in jail. 382 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,252 You are? Hey, Homer, go to the window. 383 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:03,587 Hi, neighbor. 384 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,256 I can see you! 385 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,717 Aah! Just get over here and bring 50 bucks for bail. 386 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,386 50 bucks?! 387 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,096 What did you do, kill a judge? 388 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:15,140 Where am I gonna get 50 bucks? 389 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,186 Hey. Pizza! 390 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,818 Why are we all dressed up? 391 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,570 Because sometimes it's fun to dress up for dinner. 392 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,322 Why are we using the good china? 393 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,158 Because sometimes it's fun to use the good china. 394 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,284 What's with the candles? 395 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,328 Sometimes it's fun to use candles. 396 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,746 Why are we waiting for Dad? 397 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:41,375 Because we love your father and enjoy his company. 398 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,335 Why are we really waiting for Dad? 399 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:49,883 Ha! $48.70. 400 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,177 You know, we don't usually take rusty money. 401 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:56,724 You're dying, and you weren't even going to stop at Moe's 402 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,892 for a last beer with your buddies? 403 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,227 (sobbing) 404 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,355 Hey Barney, look, it was on my list 405 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:06,608 along with a lot of other things I didn't get to do today. 406 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,193 Hey, my boss! 407 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,447 Smithers, check out the luscious pair on that redhead. 408 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,282 That's it, baby. 409 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,491 Work those ankles. 410 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,826 Ring-a-ding-ding, sir. 411 00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,829 Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts! 412 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:20,497 Who the Sam Hill was that? 413 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,000 Why it's... Homer Simpson, sir. 414 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,626 One of the schmoes from Sector Seven-G. 415 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,045 Simpson, eh? 416 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,006 I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. 417 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:32,092 We'll see who eats whose shorts. 418 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,094 HOMER: Wow, of all the luck. 419 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,512 To think I almost died 420 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,015 without telling the boss to eat my shorts. 421 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,434 Oh, Homer, come on. 422 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,728 You got time for one last beer. 423 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:43,979 Please! 424 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,107 I got to call Marge. 425 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,734 Ha! (makes whipping sound) 426 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:51,070 -(ringing) -Hello, Moe's Tavern. 427 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,863 Birthplace of the Rob Roy. 428 00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:55,074 Is Seymour there? Last name Butts. 429 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,575 Just a sec. 430 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,036 Hey, is there a Butts here? 431 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,580 Seymour Butts? 432 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:04,917 Hey, everybody, I want a Seymour Butts! 433 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,418 (laughing) 434 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,629 Oh, wait a minute. 435 00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,506 Listen, you little scum-sucking, pus bucket. 436 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,382 When I get my hands on you 437 00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:15,344 I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew. 438 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,223 Oh, it was busy. 439 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:22,851 Moe, another last beer, please. 440 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,771 (sniffles) Guys, keep it down. 441 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,856 I got some last words. 442 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,235 I never told you this before, but sometimes when I'm at work 443 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,654 I think of you and smile. 444 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,280 So often I think that-- 445 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:38,826 Oh, words won't do it. I love you, Moe. 446 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,285 Please, not in public. 447 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,745 You better be dying. 448 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:42,871 I love you, Barney. 449 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,790 Whoa! How European. 450 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,500 -(belches) -(screams) 451 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:47,709 C'mon, Barney. I got to get home. 452 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,839 Faster, Barney, faster. 453 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:54,007 I'm twirling as fast as I can. 454 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,261 Oh, I can't wait any longer. 455 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,595 Hold on, Marge. 456 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:01,181 I'm coming home, baby! 457 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,350 (panting) 458 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,893 Come on, come on. 459 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,897 Oh, where can he be? 460 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:12,901 Marge! Marge! 461 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,570 Homer! 462 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:15,779 There's no time to explain. 463 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,490 Love you, love you, love you. 464 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,825 (gargling) 465 00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:21,785 I wrote a poem for you this afternoon, Homer. 466 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,745 It's called "To a Husband." 467 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:24,955 Okay, okay. 468 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:26,331 (clears throat) 469 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,333 "The blackened clouds are forming..." 470 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,543 Oh, give me a break, Marge. 471 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,461 "Soon the rain will fall. 472 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,213 "My dear one is departing 473 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:37,634 "But first, please heed this call 474 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,387 "That always will I love you 475 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,931 My one, my love, my all." 476 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,933 That was beautiful. 477 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,145 (kissing) 478 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,777 (sighs) 479 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,950 Good-bye, Maggie. 480 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,077 Stay as sweet as you are. 481 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,998 Good-bye, Lisa. 482 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,792 I know you'll make me proud. 483 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,880 Good-bye, Bart. 484 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,008 I like your sheets. 485 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,680 The good book. 486 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,058 On tape? 487 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:29,144 Ooh, it's read by Larry King. 488 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,191 Hi, I'm Larry King. 489 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:37,778 In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth 490 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,613 and the Earth was without form... 491 00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:42,991 Alzeah begat Phineas, Phineas begat Abushua, and... 492 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,826 (tape fast-forwarding) 493 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,203 ...begat Ahamas, Ahamas begat... 494 00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:47,871 (tape fast-forwarding) 495 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,207 ...onward, Amariah begat Aerito, Aerito begat... 496 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,501 (tape fast-forwarding) 497 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,753 ...Shalam begat Hilchia... 498 00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:56,672 ...and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children 499 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:58,882 and the heart of the children to their fathers 500 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,343 lest I come and smite the Earth with a curse. 501 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,220 Well, that's it. 502 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,096 My old friend Duke Seaver's standing by. 503 00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:05,597 We'll get some coffee. 504 00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,224 We'll get some matzo ball soup. 505 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,934 I love the San Antonio Spurs, by the way, 506 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,352 If you're betting in the N.B.A. this year, 507 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:11,895 I think they're gonna win it all. 508 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:14,815 So I guess there's nothing more to say but... 509 00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,066 (tape stops abruptly) 510 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,242 Homer? 511 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,285 (gasps) 512 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,494 Homer? 513 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,374 (gasps) 514 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,334 Oh, Homer... 515 00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:38,046 Homer... 516 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,381 Hmm... 517 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:42,676 His drool-- it's warm. 518 00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:46,263 He's alive! 519 00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:49,725 Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive! 520 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,101 -Marge, stop it. Cut it out. -Wake up, you're alive! 521 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:52,227 You're alive! You're alive! 522 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,104 What are you talking about? 523 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,440 -You're alive! -I'm alive! 524 00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:59,568 I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier! 525 00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:00,694 (laughing) 526 00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:01,987 From this day forward, 527 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:04,573 I vow to live life to its fullest. 528 00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:07,951 (crunching) 529 00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,828 COMMENTATOR 1(on TV): Strike! That's three in a row. 530 00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:11,580 COMMENTATOR 2: That's right. Let's see that one again. 531 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,457 Yeah, here we go. Here he comes. 532 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:16,126 Note the excellent wrist action. 533 00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:18,128 It's just about to go into the gutter 534 00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:20,255 and then a nice spin. 535 00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,974 -Ouch! A split. -My, my. 536 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:33,935 Well, if he makes this, he'll be down by 40 pins. 537 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,979 This match, though, is far from over, as you know. 538 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:37,856 COMMENTATOR 1: Yeah, it is far from over 539 00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:39,066 but his approach has been wrong from the beginning 540 00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:40,942 as far as I'm concerned. 541 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,277 COMMENTATOR 2: Well, he's an erratic bowler, Jim. 542 00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,737 He tends to explode 543 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:46,156 in the seven, eight, nine frames... 544 00:22:46,239 --> 00:22:52,120 (pins falling, people cheering) 545 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,705 ...Moline, Illinois. 546 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:55,082 Actually, that was Pontiac, Michigan. 547 00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:56,541 38 pins going into the eighth. 548 00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,043 COMMENTATOR 1: Yeah, that's right. 549 00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,503 Well, uh, he's stepping up now. 550 00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:02,714 In fact, he needs to get at least a spare. 551 00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:04,674 Shh! 552 00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:11,515 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.