1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,548 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:11,261 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,806 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,186 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:32,574 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:33,867 (tires screech) 7 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,203 D'oh! 8 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,539 -Aah! -(tires screech) 9 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,473 (snoring) 10 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,142 (ringing) 11 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,770 Hey, Homer, it's Barney. Did I wake you? 12 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,897 (slurring) I'm up, I'm up. Whadda ya want? 13 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,733 All I wanted to tell you about was this new barbecue joint. 14 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,193 Ooh, barbecue! 15 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:11,738 It's called Greasy Joe's Bottomless Bar-B-Q Pit. 16 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:15,617 Ooh, I can still taste the sauce between my fingers. 17 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:18,453 And are you ready for this? It's all you can eat! 18 00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,164 This is like some beautiful dream. 19 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,582 (Barney belching) 20 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:26,127 And one and two and three and reach. 21 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,630 -And five and six... -Marge, honey, 22 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:31,007 I got five words to say to you. 23 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,427 Greasy Joe's Bottomless Bar-B-Q Pit. 24 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,805 Homer, remember you promised 25 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,140 you'd try to limit pork to six servings a week. 26 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,893 Marge, I'm only human. 27 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,645 Now look. Here's what we're gonna do. 28 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:45,855 We'll unload the kids on Patty and Selma 29 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,649 Saturday night, and then we'll eat 30 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,275 until they kick us out of the place. 31 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,485 Just like old times. 32 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,320 Hmm. Saturday night? 33 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:54,364 I'm not even sure my sisters will be available. 34 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,865 I'll take that bet. 35 00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,994 (coughing) 36 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,454 (phone ringing) 37 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:04,958 Hello, Marge. This Saturday? 38 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,544 We're going to Stanley Peterson's wedding. 39 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,212 The way he's going at her, 40 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,464 you'd think they were already married. 41 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,591 Hey, alley cats! 42 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,176 Save it for the honeymoon. 43 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,428 Well, if you have other plans... 44 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,098 -D'oh! -It's no problem. 45 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,143 Mm-hmm. We'll beat it before they throw out the bouquet. 46 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:26,062 "F," "L..." 47 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,522 Oh, no, I'm sorry. 48 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,440 That's a "C," isn't it? 49 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,109 If that was an oncoming vehicle 50 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,694 you'd be dead now. 51 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:35,738 -Next! -But driving is my livelihood. 52 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,490 Take it like a man. 53 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:41,661 Friends, relatives... 54 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:43,913 work-related acquaintances... 55 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,958 we are gathered here today 56 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:50,211 to join Stanley and Martha in holy matrimony. 57 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,838 Martha, my dear, 58 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:55,175 I remember the first day that I met you. 59 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,012 Hello, Selma. 60 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:02,432 Hello, Stanley. 61 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,142 -Is this seat taken? -Yes, it is. 62 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,019 Hey, beat it! 63 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:14,652 Had I not chosen the seat that was next to you, Martha, my love, 64 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,988 who knows what woman I might have ended up with. 65 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:19,157 Hmm. 66 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,827 SELMA: ♪ Brandy, you're a fine girl ♪ 67 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,872 ♪ What a good wife you would be ♪ 68 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:31,878 ♪ But my life, my love and my lady is the sea ♪ 69 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,504 Poor Brandy. 70 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:37,091 Aunt Selma, do you think you'll ever get married? 71 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,802 Oh, I don't know. Why? You know somebody? 72 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,472 No, and since I'm sure that you'd only resent 73 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,890 the pity of an eight year-old niece, 74 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:47,101 I'll simply hope that you're one of the statistically insignificant number 75 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:50,813 of 40-year-old, single women who ever find their fair prince. 76 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,691 (yawning) 77 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,569 (sighing) 78 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:02,659 MARGE: Patty, Selma, we're home. 79 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,285 Yeah. 80 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:08,706 (gasping with relief) 81 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,583 I'll tell you one thing. 82 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,378 Greasy Joe is sorry he ever saw the likes of me. 83 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,381 Marge, I need to speak with you alone. 84 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,383 (snoring) 85 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:22,512 Oh, and that sauce, Barney-- 86 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,265 I could have drunk a bowl of it by itself. 87 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,476 Oh, Barney, that's just my sister-in-law. 88 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,270 I'll get right to the point. 89 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,897 I'm getting older, fatter and uglier. 90 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,067 Please, Marge, help me find a man 91 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,611 before it's too late. 92 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,530 Well, I'll try. 93 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,700 (stomach gurgling) 94 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,287 Homer, do you remember our last family vacation 95 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,664 when you made us go to the Bowlers Hall of Fame 96 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,000 in St. Louis, Missouri so you could see that car 97 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,127 shaped like a giant bowling pin? 98 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,212 Remember? Who could forget? 99 00:04:56,296 --> 00:05:00,341 Then you'll also remember that you owe me a favor 100 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,760 to be called up whenever and for whatever reason 101 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,304 I desire. 102 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,764 But that was just an idle promise. 103 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,808 -Not to me. -Ohh... 104 00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:12,979 I want you to find a husband for my sister, Selma. 105 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,731 Find a husband? 106 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,649 Wait. Which one's Selma again? 107 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,319 She's the one who likes Police Academy movies 108 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,446 and Hummel figurines 109 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,740 and walking through the park on clear autumn days. 110 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,159 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought she was the one 111 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,870 that didn't like to be, you know, touched. 112 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,414 It's Patty who chose the life of celibacy. 113 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,750 Selma simply had celibacy thrust upon her. 114 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:38,171 -But, Marge-- -Homer, you will find her a man! 115 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,173 -All right. -And not just any man. 116 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:44,052 -Okay. -He should be honest and caring 117 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,471 and well-off and handsome... 118 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:49,432 Hey, why should she have a better husband than you do? 119 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,893 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Sodium tetra sulfate is highly caustic 120 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,311 and can remove your skin. 121 00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:56,606 -Say when. (chuckles) -That will do. 122 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,608 What's this stuff for? 123 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,485 It's chiefly used in the manufacture of rayons, film, 124 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,862 and as a preservative in fast foods. 125 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:05,948 -It's also quite a potent herbicide. -What's a herbicide? 126 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:10,370 -It kills grass. -Excellent. 127 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,830 Must find man. 128 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,708 Must find man. 129 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,627 Must find man. 130 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:32,683 Boy, a good man really is hard to find. 131 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,730 Gentlemen, according to my sources, you are planning 132 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,233 to simultaneously drop your pencils 133 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:41,692 at 2:15 this afternoon. 134 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,695 Do so, and you will be suspended. 135 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,697 Hey, who squealed? 136 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,366 You can't get anything past Principal Skinner. 137 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,534 He knows everything. 138 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,661 Vandalism fans, hold onto your hats. 139 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,414 (boys gasping) 140 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,293 Who does he think he is, anyway? 141 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,628 He's not going to get away with that. 142 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:01,796 Sometimes that kid just goes too far. 143 00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:05,258 One seafood burrito, Apu. 144 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:06,342 (gulps) 145 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,349 I am loathe to interrupt your meditation, sir, 146 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,601 but the time has come for money to change hands. 147 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,727 Oh, sorry. 148 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,913 Hmm. Say what they will about our cafeteria, 149 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:39,876 I still think they're the best Tater Tots money can buy. 150 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,377 (sniffs) 151 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,462 Mmm... 152 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,504 (sniffing) 153 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,548 Wait a minute. 154 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,133 It smells like... 155 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:51,387 sodium tetra sulfate bonding with chlorophyll. 156 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,638 (sniffing) 157 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,402 Sweet Lord, it is! 158 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,237 PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Simpson! 159 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,363 (gulps) 160 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,825 Bart, I'm flabbergasted. 161 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,994 Surely, you knew, as you were writing your own name 162 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,454 in 40-foot high letters on the field 163 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,039 that you would be caught. 164 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,415 Maybe it was one of the other Barts, sir. 165 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,459 -There are no other Barts! -Uh-oh. 166 00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,794 The sheer contempt demonstrated by this incident 167 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,047 makes me wish I could pull 168 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,549 the trusty Board of Education out of retirement. 169 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,967 (sighs) Call your father immediately. 170 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,261 (dialing) 171 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,639 -Hello, is Homer there? -MOE: Homer, who? 172 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,849 Homer... sexual. 173 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,769 Wait one second. Let me check. 174 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,772 Uh... Homer Sexual? 175 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,315 Come on, come on. 176 00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:46,567 One of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual. 177 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,403 -(all laughing) -Don't look at me. 178 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:52,281 Oh, no! You rotten little punk. 179 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,408 If I ever get a hold of you, 180 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:57,411 I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off! 181 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:01,082 -You'll do what, young man? -What, what, wait. Who is this? 182 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,751 I think the real question is who is this and where is Homer Simpson? 183 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,587 Whoa, whoa, sorry, Principal Skinner, sorry. 184 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,131 It's a bad connection, I think. 185 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,050 It's for you. I think Bart's in trouble again. 186 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,553 D'oh! What's he done now? 187 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,806 Well, I'm afraid this time the victims are the innocent blades of grass 188 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,892 on Grounds Keeper Willy's award-winning play field. 189 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,938 If it's alright with you. I'd like to have Bart repay his debt to society 190 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:26,107 through back-breaking physical labor-- 191 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,442 resodding the field manually, 192 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,486 seed by seed. 193 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,711 Hmm. But enough about Bart. 194 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:49,046 Tell me, Principal Skinner, are you married? 195 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,798 Only to my job. 196 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,174 But if you weren't married to your job, 197 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,718 you tend to go for a girl, right? 198 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,637 (chuckles) Well, of course. 199 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,557 These pads come off at night just like everybody else's. 200 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,726 But tell me, why all the questions? 201 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,811 No reason. 202 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:06,188 I was just wondering 203 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:11,986 if you'd like to come over to my house for dinner. 204 00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,030 A payback for all the crummy things 205 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,740 Bart has done to your school. 206 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:20,077 Well, a home-cooked meal would be a nice change of pace. 207 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,747 -I'd be delighted. -Excellent. 208 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,421 (doorbell rings ) 209 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,506 Good evening, Principal Skinner, 210 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,217 -and welcome to our home. -Thank you, Bart. 211 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,553 I only hope that for the next few hours 212 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,181 you and I can leave our differences in the school yard. 213 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,266 Fine. Just get inside already. 214 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,268 He's here. 215 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,187 What are you waiting for? 216 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,648 Get out there and shake your moneymaker. 217 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,108 -I'm too nervous. You do it. -No, you do it. 218 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,401 -No, you do it. -No, you do it. 219 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,778 No, you do it. 220 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,488 SKINNER: You know, Simpson, I-- I had 221 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,615 a discomforting thought on the way over here. 222 00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:00,660 This dinner wouldn't be a master plan of yours 223 00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,621 to set me up with some unmarried relation, would it? 224 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,456 Because I can assure you that I... 225 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,501 I... Uh... 226 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,504 Oh, be still, my foolish heart. 227 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,339 (chuckles) Here we go. 228 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,592 Boy meets beast. (chuckles) 229 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,469 Ahem. Principal Skinner, 230 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,304 allow me to introduce you 231 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,223 to my wife's lovely 232 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,891 and available sister, Selma. 233 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,059 Hey, tubs, I'm Patty. 234 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,478 -What? -Patty. 235 00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,313 D'oh! Wrong one. 236 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,608 So, Patty, tell me... 237 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,944 tell me more about your trip to Egypt. 238 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,489 Nothing more to tell, really. The Nile smells like cattle rot, 239 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,491 and they've got horseflies over there the size of your head. 240 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:41,784 Marvelous. 241 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,160 Just marvelous. 242 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,870 Well, Selma hated Egypt too. 243 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,081 A camel spit on her. 244 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,958 Oh yes, I've heard they can be difficult. 245 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,293 Patty, the Parents Advisory Board has asked 246 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,129 that I attend the premiere 247 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,673 of Space Mutants, Part V tomorrow night. 248 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:59,635 -Would you be interested in joining me? -(silverware drops) 249 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,138 -I don't really... -She'd be delighted. 250 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,973 -I'm going to cancel. -No, you're not. 251 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,808 We already have plans for tomorrow night. 252 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,643 Patty, your first date in 25 years 253 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,646 is a little more important than playing hearts with mother. 254 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,149 I tried to repel him, I really did. 255 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:16,193 Pack of Lady Laramie 100's, please. 256 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,363 We both know it could have easily been me. Very easily. 257 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,991 Laramie Hi-Tars hard pack, and I don't have all day. 258 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,660 Here you go. Smoke them in good health. 259 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,163 And will you be needing any lottery tickets with that? 260 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,498 No. All right, five. 261 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,876 Stupid Principal Skinner. 262 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:34,170 You've got to be kidding me. 263 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,213 Save your strength, lad. 264 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,008 There's a whole field for you to resod yet. (chuckles) 265 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:42,219 -D'oh! -Bart, you wouldn't happen to know 266 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,804 what sort of candy 267 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,098 your Aunt Patty likes, would you? 268 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,851 -Cherry cordials, sir. -Very good. 269 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,812 Now then, regarding your punishment... 270 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,107 Do you feel that you've learned your lesson? 271 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:58,235 Have I ever. Just the thought of doing anything bad again 272 00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,779 makes my stomach turn. 273 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,948 Well, then you're free to go. 274 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,658 Well, Willy, you can take it from here. 275 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,994 -Adios, dude. -You'll be back! 276 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,288 You haven't seen the last of Willy. 277 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,212 I don't see why all this is necessary. 278 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:19,590 Come on, Patty, you don't want to show up for your big date 279 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,717 looking like Yosemite Sam. 280 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,928 How do I look? 281 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,557 Achingly beautiful. 282 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,227 ♪ Two and two are four ♪ 283 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,520 (buzzing) 284 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,231 ♪ Four and four are eight ♪ 285 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,983 ♪ Eight and eight are 16 ♪ 286 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,945 -Hello. -Cherry cordials. 287 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,822 I hope you like them. (chuckles) 288 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,281 Yeah, I like them okay. 289 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,242 So, come on, let's get this over with. 290 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,452 Oh! Excellent suggestion. I suggest we start 291 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,704 with the Springfield revolving restaurant. 292 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:55,334 You know, food tastes better when you're revolving. 293 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,461 SELMA: Yeah, right. 294 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,338 Well, I must say, so far, the evening is a big disappointment. 295 00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:02,383 Indeed. Truly terrible. 296 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:05,427 Hey, can we get some service over here? 297 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,763 I've asked for water three times now. 298 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,765 -Is everything all right? -Well, well, well. 299 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,559 If it isn't little Jimmy Pierson. 300 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,352 Class of '71, I believe. 301 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,062 Good evening, Principal Skinner. 302 00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:17,523 Pierson, get this woman a glass of water immediately. 303 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,650 -And tuck in your shirt! -Yes, sir. 304 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,861 (scoffs) Nearly 30 305 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,696 and still working as a bus boy. 306 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,489 I'll tell you 307 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,866 the standardized testing never lies. 308 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,784 (chuckles) 309 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,452 Doesn't surprise me. 310 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,329 She's always been the lucky one. 311 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,789 Two minutes younger. 312 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,585 Skin like a china doll and bosoms till Tuesday. 313 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,211 Well, don't worry. 314 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,006 There's still plenty of fish in the sea. 315 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:45,718 -Right, Homer? -Oh, yes, plenty of fish. 316 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,262 You just don't have any bait. 317 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,349 (yawns) 318 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,934 ACTOR: What a shame. Out of gas. 319 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,936 Hmm. Hmm? 320 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,189 (yawns) 321 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,774 Don't be stupid. 322 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,818 Oh, sorry. 323 00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,907 Come on, love. Loosen up. 324 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,450 I just can't forget what happened 325 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,118 to that poor dingo back there. 326 00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:13,871 Who or what could have done such a horrible thing? 327 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:16,290 It was probably just a wallaby. 328 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,292 Now, come on. 329 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,587 Well, okay. 330 00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,593 (screaming) 331 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:30,638 -Ah! -Hello, Dolly. 332 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,475 Oh, that was the worst movie I've ever seen. 333 00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:37,186 Not as bad as the service at the revolving restaurant. 334 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,730 (both chuckle) 335 00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:42,358 Isn't it nice we hate the same things? 336 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,319 (chuckles) 337 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,571 So, see me again tomorrow? 338 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,658 I'm afraid that's my microwave cookery class. 339 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,326 Then the day after that. 340 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,995 Oh, gee, tae kwon do. 341 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,372 The day after that, then. 342 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,207 Seymour, you're touching me. 343 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,208 Kiss me, Patty. 344 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,459 I don't have cooties. 345 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:01,543 Hi-ya! 346 00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,550 Thursday I'm going food shopping. 347 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,220 You can come along if you like. 348 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,554 Until then. 349 00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:16,266 Tell me every filthy detail, 350 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,143 or is your tongue too tired? 351 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,771 Selma, it was a lousy meal, the movie was awful, 352 00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,023 and he didn't get anything. Now, good night. 353 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,846 PATTY: Alright. One kiss, but I don't want you bragging 354 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,556 to your friends about how you scored. 355 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,737 (children clamoring) 356 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,322 Oh, I wish I could make a P.A. announcement 357 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,450 to the whole world. 358 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,370 Attention everyone, Seymour Skinner is in love. 359 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,497 Oh, wow, Simpson, that's pretty cool. 360 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,291 Bart, Skinner's going to kill you. 361 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,001 Skinner? Ha! He works for me now. 362 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,627 -Simpson? -Oh-oh. 363 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,296 What is that there? 364 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,552 -Hmm... -Mmm... 365 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,929 Oh... Patty. 366 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,806 (stammering) 367 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,642 Bart, I hate to pull you away from your daily exercise, but, 368 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,812 well, I wanted you to be the first to know. 369 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:47,733 I'm going to ask for your Aunt Patty's hand in marriage. 370 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,110 Your funeral, Seymour. 371 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,530 Homer, lighten up. You're making happy hour bitterly ironic. 372 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:57,868 Aw, Moe. I've got to find a date for my big, fat, snotty 373 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,745 sister-in-law, Selma. 374 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,706 I'm intrigued. What does Selma look like? 375 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,374 Like my wife's ugly sister. 376 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,876 Wheel her in, Homer. 377 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,753 I'm not a picky man. (belching) 378 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,342 SALESMAN: A good rule of thumb is two years salary, sir. Try this. 379 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,968 SKINNER: I can't afford that, I'm an educator. 380 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,804 -Seymour. -SKINNER: I'll take it. 381 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,807 Homer, my sister is not going out with Barney Gumble. 382 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:24,436 HOMER: Hey, Selma's no prize pig herself, you know. 383 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:28,524 Bart, come cheer up your Aunt Selma. 384 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:31,443 -Okay. -What did you learn in school today? 385 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,570 Principal Skinner's gonna ask Aunt Patty to marry him. 386 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,991 Mm. Thanks, kid. 387 00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,202 You made my day. 388 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,037 But nothing, Marge. 389 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,706 She's a heifer, plain and simple, and-- 390 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,918 Oh, there's the little prom queen now. 391 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,753 Can the sweet talk. You're right. 392 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:52,673 It's time to ash can my girlish hopes and dreams 393 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:56,677 and grab hold of the next train out of the station. 394 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,645 (gasps) Is that Selma? 395 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,605 Ring-a-ding-ding. 396 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:12,067 -Oh, shut up. -Why are you dolled up like a chorus girl? 397 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,529 Well, it takes a ripe piece of cheese to catch the mouse. 398 00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,573 (buzzer) 399 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:20,242 It's time to give away my love like so much cheap wine. 400 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,119 Take it to the hoop, Selma. 401 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:25,247 Hi, look what I brought. 402 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,457 Ah, schnapps? 403 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:30,919 -I'll take that. -(grumbles) 404 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,673 SKINNER: You seem preoccupied tonight, my little...pudding cup. 405 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,968 PATTY: My sister's on a date with a big, fat rummy. 406 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:42,848 Oh! Well, there's something up here that will pick up your spirits. 407 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,937 (gasps) "Marry me, Patty"? 408 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,689 Jeezum crow! 409 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,608 Look at the size of that rock! 410 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,861 It's the second most precious jewel in this bell tower. 411 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,989 Patty, the question before you is, will you marry me? 412 00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:01,992 Seymour, I don't know. I mean, this is so.... 413 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:04,077 Oh, just say whatever's in your heart. 414 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:07,581 Okay. You see, it's not that I don't love you. 415 00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:10,751 You love me! Kalloo kallay! 416 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,836 -(laughing) -Yes, yes, but... 417 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,297 -But? But? -But I'm a twin. 418 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,132 And as such, I have a special... 419 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,259 -Special tie to your sister. Yes. -Mm-hmm. 420 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,012 And the only man I could marry would have to understand... 421 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,681 That you couldn't leave your sister for any man. 422 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:27,559 -Oh. -Yes, so I know you appreciate 423 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,519 why you can never... 424 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,189 -See you again? -Exactly. 425 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,108 It's a kind of a catch-22. 426 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,114 Farewell, my Patty-cake. 427 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,201 Good night, sweet Principal. 428 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,375 (sobbing) 429 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,803 Bart Simp... 430 00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:12,354 Oh, Springfield Elementary, I will have you back again. 431 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:17,734 After all, tomorrow is another school day! 432 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:22,698 And then when I got out of the service, they, uh-- 433 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:26,034 Well, the next few years are a blur. 434 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:28,954 Patty, where's Skinner? 435 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:31,623 We decided we loved each other enough 436 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,709 never to see each other again. 437 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,378 I hope I can find a man like that. 438 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,423 Patty, are you throwing away your last chance at happiness 439 00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:41,341 -just for me? -Yes. 440 00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,385 Thanks. 441 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,304 Now let's go get some pancakes. 442 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,265 Listen, Barney... 443 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:49,850 Nah. 444 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:52,311 She broke my heart, Moe. 445 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,313 Don't worry, Barney. 446 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,231 Time heals all wounds. 447 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,234 Well, what do you know? You're right! 448 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:02,988 And look! A whole pitcher to myself! 449 00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:06,950 (mumbling) Skinner. 450 00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,246 (slurps) 451 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,041 I told you you'd be back. 452 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,208 (crow caws) 453 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:20,005 ♪♪ 454 00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:04,883 Shh! 455 00:23:07,844 --> 00:23:11,098 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.