1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:06,297
辛普森家庭

2
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:07,841
（歡迎蒞臨春田核電廠）

3
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,554
（春田小學）

4
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,435
（我再也不會調皮了）

5
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,943
（注意安全）

6
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,154
（《媽媽雜誌》、小丑庫斯提麥片）

7
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,916
（請享用派對點心）

8
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:26,586
-“開胃小菜＂
-荷馬你答應過我的

9
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:29,255
我答應妳不偷吃？哪可能，騙人

10
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,217
荷馬，我拜託你啦
我們家沒辦過派對

11
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,053
這次我們要回請以前邀請過
我們的朋友

12
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,972
沒辦過派對？那次狂歡不是

13
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,142
開了香檳請了樂師，還有牧師
一大票人嗎？

14
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,227
那次是我們婚禮啦

15
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,646
孩子們該上床了

16
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,524
可是媽，我想聽成熟大人拌嘴

17
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,192
對啊，睡覺又不好玩

18
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,695
兒子啊，等你大點就懂了

19
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:59,869
喔，寶貝

20
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:01,663
人來了

21
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,039
-東西都準備好了嗎？
-我樣子沒問題吧？

22
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,582
-家裡玻璃杯夠嗎？
-惡作劇冰塊數量夠嗎？

23
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,793
-荷馬，去放張唱片
-妳剛說來訪朋友叫什麼名字？

24
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,128
小鬼們快滾

25
00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,422
-你好，荷馬
-請進

26
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,258
-妳今天打扮得好美
-美枝，妳真是美呆了

27
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,718
還有你們家，真是佈置得…隨便啦

28
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,971
各位，可以讓我當吧台嗎？

29
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,973
我是調酒博士

30
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,350
幼稚鬼

31
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,687
荷馬，要嚐嚐我調的
耕耘者雞尾酒嗎？

32
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:26,980
好啊，用我的錢買的

33
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,320
吧台，下次記得加點酒

34
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:35,780
那可不，辛普森

35
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,158
裡頭我加了三杯蘭姆酒
一小杯波本酒

36
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:41,494
還有少許黑醋粟酒

37
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:45,248
真假？是有種微醺感啦

38
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,417
還有點大舌頭

39
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,795
-你沒蓋我，再來一杯
-荷馬，少喝點

40
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,672
還記得去年在溫菲爾家派對

41
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:55,425
-你給人家吐在洗衣籃裡
-不記得

42
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,809
兩位是荷馬小姨子對吧？

43
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:10,064
我有印象，但不記得妳們這麼美

44
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,483
嘿

45
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:17,197
那是新式防狼噴霧嗎？真的很痛

46
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,365
華頭醫生

47
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,619
-喜歡這派對嗎？
-老實說，不喜歡

48
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,830
有人在這種新潮冰塊裡

49
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,832
放了假蒼蠅

50
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,544
我放的啦，你上當了

51
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,297
荷馬，這種新潮冰塊

52
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,007
往往是用高毒性化學物質製成的

53
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,843
相形之下，真蒼蠅還比它衛生

54
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,304
瞧你那表情，真是絕

55
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,976
（要命，這派對好爛）

56
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,895
霸子，過來

57
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,022
-怎樣？
-你這小鬼

58
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,899
-你是小鬼，對吧？
-是的，爸

59
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:55,485
霸子，表演一下你的招牌

60
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,779
-什麼招牌？
-就你最拿手的

61
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,823
-什麼啦？
-去睡覺

62
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,533
各位

63
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:06,537
你們看，我是全世界最搞笑的人

64
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,749
荷馬，你真行

65
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,592
（5元鈔）

66
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:27,475
多年來我一直想告訴大家

67
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,644
但一直提不起勇氣

68
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,146
不知道你們知不知道，我太太
和你太太是朋友

69
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:35,275
-我們三小時前才認識的
-你爛死了

70
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:40,488
你們整個爛部門都爛透了，我不幹了

71
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,032
-別辭職
-好吧

72
00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:51,040
拿把花生給我

73
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,126
-瑪德？
-好

74
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,502
不是那種花生

75
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,463
-下頭那種
-好

76
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,140
謝謝你們的招待，我很盡興

77
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,975
我先生失態了

78
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:13,146
如果不想他噎死，最好讓他
睡覺臉朝上

79
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,106
我會注意，謝謝你華頭醫生

80
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,817
-謝謝大家前來
-別忘了，我是說如果

81
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:27,577
這輩子沒這麼丟臉過

82
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,120
怎麼了？妳幹了什麼事？

83
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:41,924
美枝

84
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,636
-過來
-要上哪去？

85
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,265
我不想孩子們聽到

86
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:52,226
小時候，我很討厭爸媽吵架

87
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,062
他們又躲到車上去吵架了

88
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,647
每次聽到這首歌我就發毛

89
00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,777
你記得昨晚派對你的表現嗎？

90
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,320
我的表現？

91
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,906
我記得說過“我要脫掉濕衣服

92
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,240
喝一杯馬丁尼酒＂

93
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,785
-真會說
-謝謝

94
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,328
天啊，酒裡有蒼蠅

95
00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:11,871
-我放的
-你放的？

96
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,414
惡作劇故意放的

97
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,084
-太好笑了
-荷馬風格

98
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,628
我宣布這是本季最即興笑話

99
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:34,519
（盡情吃喝享樂）

100
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,687
荷馬？

101
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,233
我應該還算是有耐心、包容的女性

102
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,986
不管你再怎麼踩我底線我還是愛你

103
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,448
但昨晚，你不只踩了底線

104
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,493
-你還給我吐在上面
-不好意思，親愛的

105
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,370
可以不當回事，上教堂去嗎？

106
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,996
今天我要一個人去教堂

107
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,165
你給我待這好好跟霸子解釋

108
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,210
-為什麼讓他終生有創傷
-我沒有

109
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,047
你是說心裡頭嗎？

110
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:04,924
昨晚的事

111
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,468
你可能發現老爸有點怪怪的

112
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,513
-你可能有點不解
-我懂啊，你喝茫了

113
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:13,224
我承認，我沒節制

114
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,019
很抱歉，希望你不會因此看不起老爸

115
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,231
爸，我對你態度都沒變

116
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:24,902
在說明下週講道內容前

117
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:28,614
有件事要宣布，可以在教堂

118
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,116
新聞欄去拿小冊子

119
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:33,077
包括《聖經解謎》，《撒旦的錯誤》

120
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,954
《上帝的訊息》，《撒旦錯誤續集》

121
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:38,332
還有青少年讀物《地獄酷刑不好玩》

122
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,294
美枝，美枝？

123
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,340
不好意思，上帝和我也壓不過

124
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,259
荷馬辛普森腳步聲

125
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,429
我們不妨等他就定位吧

126
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,222
-抱歉牧師
-請坐，荷馬

127
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,850
牧師娘跟我下週末要在

128
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:59,395
鯰魚湖辦第三屆婚姻諮商

129
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,272
這個心理諮商

130
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,858
是為有婚姻危機的夫妻

131
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,235
或想調整關係的伴侶所開辦

132
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,697
有意參加的伴侶請至大廳報名

133
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:10,865
佈道結束就開始接受報名

134
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,994
辛普森夫妻也要參加嗎？

135
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,621
（婚姻諮商報名處）

136
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:19,582
很有吸引力呢，很棒的想法

137
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:22,585
美枝，妳做什麼？妳瘋了不成？

138
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:24,962
放手，放回去

139
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,839
-我們會去的
-住手

140
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,929
婚姻假期週末我來了

141
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:36,599
-這下你願意去了？
-可是在鯰魚湖辦的

142
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:41,604
一定有鯰魚才會叫鯰魚湖吧

143
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,440
我們是去接受婚姻諮商的

144
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,942
不是去釣魚

145
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,985
應該褓姆到了

146
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,780
-妳好，我是辛普森太太
-辛普森

147
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,534
-辛普森
-妳上癮了吧？

148
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,674
-發生什麼事了？
-天啊

149
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,926
這麼臨時要上哪去找褓姆

150
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:16,222
糟了，要是請不到褓姆就去不成了

151
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,015
真是掃興

152
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,684
何必請褓姆呢？

153
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:22,770
-我快十歲半了
-媽，一定要請啦

154
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:23,854
小姐，放尊重點

155
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,022
不然等著吃耳刮子

156
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,274
-休想
-爺爺

157
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:30,152
-怎麼了？
-爺爺，可以幫個忙嗎？

158
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,990
-我會自己穿衣服
-我是在想

159
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,242
這個週末請你幫忙帶小孩

160
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,077
如果不是沒辦法了，我不會勞煩你

161
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:42,915
沒問題，沒辦法時就找爺爺這廢物

162
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,919
什麼事都不會做，可惡

163
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,505
所有人都看不起我

164
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,091
沒問題

165
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,884
美枝，這幾樣放進卡車就好了

166
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,681
如果瑪格要是有發燒
就打這電話

167
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,726
要是她把手指頭伸進插座
就撥這號碼

168
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,728
要是喝了清潔劑就撥這個

169
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:06,814
-單子給我啦，我識字
-好啦

170
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,108
再見孩子們，要乖喔

171
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,031
要是爺爺在浴缸滑倒撥這號碼

172
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,158
-我聽到了
-再見

173
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,578
爺爺，媽走得好急，忘了給你這個

174
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:23,831
上面是我和花枝的規定

175
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,544
你們都可以抽雪茄？

176
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,546
（往鯰魚湖八公里）

177
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,174
（加油站，食物，紀念品，魚餌）

178
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,300
魚餌

179
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,013
該加油了

180
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:43,267
加滿，我去逛逛

181
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,315
-你們要去哪？
-鯰魚湖

182
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:53,486
-想抓謝爾曼將軍是吧？
-等等，謝爾曼將軍是誰？

183
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,696
牠是我們這兒最大條的鯰魚

184
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,199
-是喔
-聽說重達500磅

185
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,201
-聽誰說的？
-那群人

186
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,246
那張就是唯一被拍到的照片

187
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,249
樣子不清楚，但很大隻

188
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:12,713
各位，我要釣到謝爾曼將軍

189
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,425
超市之後

190
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,678
我們要去錄影帶店，吃庫斯提漢堡

191
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,346
然後去商店街

192
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,974
霸子，爺爺人很好又信任我們

193
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,102
你這樣騙他好嗎？

194
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,979
花枝，世道這麼壞

195
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,023
騙騙沒什麼

196
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,193
不過現在直覺告訴我
要把爺爺搾乾

197
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,904
辛普森夫婦歡迎

198
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,864
牧師你好，很高興能來

199
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,575
-妳好，海倫
-妳好，美枝

200
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,035
怎麼會，荷馬辛普森

201
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,287
想要提升夫妻感情？

202
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:46,664
關你屁事，法蘭德斯

203
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:50,793
牧師，有釣魚時間嗎？

204
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:55,423
可能沒有喔，想修復夫妻感情
不是幾個小時就成的，荷馬

205
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:59,427
-要花整個周末
-要釣大魚就要上大餌

206
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:03,013
這樣才不會坐失良緣

207
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,140
是喔

208
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,767
我也懂保齡球比喻啦

209
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,687
來了三對夫妻，有史以來最多人

210
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:13,315
那就請來的各位自我介紹吧

211
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,401
順便講講來參加的原因

212
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,862
-約翰，葛洛莉亞？
-我是葛洛莉亞

213
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,156
我是因為約翰來的

214
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,784
他有時候欲振乏力

215
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:28,789
倒不是因為我想他那身臭味
貼在我身上

216
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,833
-夠了，葛洛莉亞
-謝謝，葛洛莉亞

217
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,878
約翰輪到你說說來的原因

218
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,963
她從來不下廚，家事也不做

219
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,465
還會說粗話

220
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,717
-真是惡婦之后
-我才不是

221
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,135
-惡婦之后
-我不是

222
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,928
皇冠給妳，陛下

223
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,930
-惡婦之后
-別碰我，你這頭豬

224
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:46,140
兩位來對地方了

225
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:50,603
首先要請兩位看著對方眼睛

226
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,817
妳眼睛，我都忘了原來這麼美

227
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,361
-我們別再吵架了
-吵架真笨

228
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,405
-別提這事了
-別再提了

229
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,074
要記得我救了你們一命
還帶給你們幸福

230
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,868
下週佈道捐獻時別忘了

231
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,372
好了奈德和瑪德，你們為何而來？

232
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,500
-這個嘛
-你說啊，小奈奈

233
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:16,420
瑪德她有時候會在我聖經裡畫線

234
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,297
因為她找不到自己的聖經

235
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,801
-還好你們家沒槍
-荷馬你為什麼來？

236
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,804
因為我喝醉時翻她衣服看

237
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,055
別亂說，荷馬

238
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:30,518
美枝等下要數落你的不是
那你先來講她的吧

239
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,896
-她十全十美
-認真點，荷馬，她有什麼缺點

240
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,273
-這個嘛，有時候很煩人
-荷馬

241
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,359
-美枝，讓他講
-輪到妳時妳再說話

242
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:39,944
-我說完了
-那輪到妳了，美枝

243
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:45,658
我也不是在嫌棄他啦
有事我一定相挺

244
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,953
只是他這人很自我中心

245
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,205
-慢著
-荷馬聽我說

246
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,208
我的生日、結婚紀念日、假日
他全不記得

247
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:58,671
不管是宗教節日或是民間
吃飯嘴開開，還好賭

248
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:01,507
老去低級酒吧，盡是些無業遊民和
社會底層的人

249
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,385
沒錯，都沒錯

250
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,095
-荷馬，別插嘴
-抱歉

251
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,014
用毛巾擤完鼻涕，又把它塞回原處

252
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,683
只有幾次好嗎？

253
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:12,977
-一盒巧克力冰淇淋
-有

254
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,812
-一盒巧克力布朗尼軟糖冰淇淋
-有

255
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,730
一盒巧克力巧克力巧克力碎片

256
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,774
-有
-你們媽媽真的有

257
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:19,900
在清單上寫這些嗎？

258
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,152
-爺爺，還用問嗎？
-還有什麼？

259
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,237
冰淇淋上頭的碎片和糖漿

260
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,490
-爺爺，第六道，動作快
-好，熄了雪茄

261
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:31,287
牛奶盒拿起來整罐喝
也不給嬰兒換尿布

262
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,665
睡覺還會發出怪聲

263
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:37,793
起床也發出怪聲

264
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,338
用鑰匙抓癢

265
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,048
大概就這樣

266
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:48,178
還有，睡覺會踢我，腳指甲又長又黃

267
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:51,724
現在只想到這麼多，大家應該都累了

268
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:55,269
謝謝各位聽我吐苦水

269
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,106
我們錯過戶外晚餐了
今晚到此為止吧？

270
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,525
可是，隊長，我沒辦法

271
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,861
用豆子槍幫死去的搭檔報仇

272
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:04,987
你不用說，霹靂神鷹

273
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,364
你這把槍違反本公寓規定

274
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,075
在這裡，凡事得照規矩來

275
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:12,953
規矩個屁

276
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,663
-讚
-讚，霹靂神鷹

277
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,498
孩子們，很晚了

278
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,126
對，爺爺，你該上床了
今天累了一天

279
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,337
你們這群小鬼頭，聰明蟲

280
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,883
我沒辦法騙自己
我現在良心過意不去

281
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,888
5點出門，5點半捕到大鯰魚

282
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,599
6點清魚肚去鱗，6點半吃魚

283
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,477
7點回床，一點犯罪證據都沒有

284
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:38,562
完美的犯罪

285
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,522
荷馬？

286
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:45,444
你竟要溜出去釣魚
真不敢相信你這麼自私

287
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,613
你要釣魚什麼時候都可以去

288
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,240
但這次來是為了挽救我們的婚姻

289
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:54,286
就連現在你都想著釣魚對吧？

290
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,829
那我現在說實話可以嗎？

291
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,290
-可以
-沒錯，我是在想著釣魚

292
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:02,252
救救我，美枝，要怎樣做
才能成為好丈夫？

293
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,630
-那你回床上來
-好

294
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,928
但我睡不著，可以去散散步嗎？

295
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,805
可以

296
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,351
要當個好丈夫，要當個好丈夫

297
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:21,480
要當個好丈夫，孩子，你忘了你的…

298
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:32,408
來啊，謝爾曼將軍，使出你的全力

299
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,035
你這大醜鯰魚

300
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,664
我已經準備好平底鍋和奶油
要把你下鍋煮了

301
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:40,958
荷馬？

302
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,298
-加糖？
-好，十顆

303
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,383
爺爺，幫我裝滿

304
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:52,094
你媽准你喝咖啡嗎？

305
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,554
好話不說第二遍，對

306
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,139
來吧，投降吧

307
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,267
不

308
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,644
米爾豪斯，辛普森家辦派對

309
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,688
唯一在場成年人是個糟老頭

310
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,108
霸子家，2點左右，不來是小狗

311
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:10,571
邀朋友一起來？沒問題
但我朋友都很新潮喔

312
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:14,867
沒問題，我中午才出獄
竟然就有人邀我開派對了

313
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,828
接下來是信任練習

314
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:21,248
各位往後躺，信任後方的伴侶
會接住你

315
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,212
一定要做嗎？

316
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:30,591
不用，就算現在妳老公在我也不建議

317
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:34,970
美枝，身為專業婚姻諮商
這是我第一次遇到

318
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,474
完全贊同一名伴侶的抱怨的

319
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:39,975
一切都是他的不對

320
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:43,103
而且我還要頒發一紙證書給妳
還給妳裱框

321
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,147
在那邊

322
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:48,233
傳話下去，傳話下去，在那邊

323
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,360
北方軍要來了

324
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,994
好了，大魚，你可能不懂
我為什麼還不放棄

325
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:01,997
因為只要抓到你，我就是史上
最響叮噹的釣手

326
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:06,126
跟那個誰齊名

327
00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,129
釣魚節目裡那個禿頭

328
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,383
乖乖大鯛

329
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,846
米爾豪斯，沒看到你，當心點

330
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,474
很棒的派對，霸子
有八歲以上美眉嗎？

331
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,226
還沒，但下午才剛開始

332
00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,315
-花枝，怎麼了？
-你還看不出來嗎？

333
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,400
我們對不起自己，讓兒童權利運動

334
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,736
倒退了好幾十年

335
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,446
花枝妳還真是會掃興啊，了不起

336
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:39,618
住手，把門關上，住手，放回去
住手

337
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,208
你這死小孩，等我皮帶拿下來
你就知道

338
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,418
-最好是啦
-那好，等著吃苦頭吧你

339
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:50,963
可惡

340
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,426
我愛你，但是還是要宰了你

341
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,767
對，小心，謝謝光臨

342
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,353
-領帶很帥，尼爾森
-謝謝，是你爸的

343
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:11,150
我想當好褓姆卻失敗了

344
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:15,654
我真是個廢人，又老又沒用

345
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,870
花枝，我有種不舒服的感覺
從來沒有過

346
00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:26,165
那就是自責，你這不負責任的
死小孩

347
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,916
那要怎樣趕走這感覺？

348
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,710
去拿桶水和刷子

349
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,129
好好把家裡到處盡快刷乾淨

350
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:45,350
我是冠軍，我是冠軍

351
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,936
輸家沒空理你

352
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:54,818
因為我就是世界冠軍

353
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,196
親愛的

354
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:01,241
-婚姻諮商進行怎麼樣？
-我們來參加婚姻諮商

355
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,577
因為我覺得我們的婚姻有危機

356
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:06,622
可是我沒料到是這麼大的危機

357
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,123
-荷馬，你怎能以為…
-美枝

358
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,833
美枝，妳不知道這魚有多重要

359
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,127
這魚可以給我們帶來更好的日子

360
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:14,296
這魚讓我成為冠軍和英雄

361
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:17,007
-在誰眼裡？
-那些魚餌店裡的怪胎

362
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,801
這魚只讓我看清你有多自私

363
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,012
要是妳真這麼覺得
那我把牠丟回去好了

364
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:23,931
-好啊，你丟
-妳看好了

365
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,728
我丟了

366
00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:33,440
為了婚姻，我放棄了名氣和早餐

367
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,484
這可是花了我六個鐘頭

368
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,653
她一句話我就把牠丟回去了

369
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,907
這樣妳還嫌說我們婚姻出問題？

370
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:45,452
-過來寶貝
-荷馬

371
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,936
-我們到家了
-合好了嗎？

372
00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:15,899
-一如過去完美無瑕
-天啊，這家裡美極了

373
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,652
-爺爺，你有什麼秘訣？
-假哭

374
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:23,991
沒錯，就是假哭

375
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,411
我超會假哭的，像水龍頭一樣

376
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,956
我哭了，好難過

377
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:35,168
-了不起，爺爺
-以後再也不相信老人了

378
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:38,213
你們上當了，再見，笨蛋

379
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,174
是啊，謝爾曼將軍

380
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,928
據說有500磅重，躲在池底的怪物
你沒聽過嗎？

381
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,263
不知道有多老了

382
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:48,265
但如果讓我來猜，大家都聽相信我

383
00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:51,101
-應該有100歲
-都沒人釣到過？

384
00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:54,021
有個叫荷馬的傢伙差點釣到了

385
00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:57,399
他有七尺高手臂跟樹幹一樣粗

386
00:21:57,524 --> 00:22:00,068
眼神很冷酷很狠

387
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:03,363
一頭紅髮就跟地獄怒火一樣