1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,339 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,340 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,427 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,887 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,702 Hey everybody, Bret Gunselman here 6 00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:38,246 on pivotal week eight of the N.F.L. season. 7 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,583 Now stay tuned for six hours of exciting football action. 8 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,710 Well, bye-bye belt. 9 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:49,299 (loud crunching and swallowing) 10 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:58,016 Homer, all those fatty 11 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,350 deep-fried, heavily-salted snacks 12 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,770 can't be good for your heart. 13 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,980 My heart is just fine. 14 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,734 (creaking noises) 15 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,237 (gasping) 16 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,199 A little beer will put out that fire. 17 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,659 And now with the specs for today's games 18 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,913 The man who's right 52% of the time, Smooth Jimmy Apollo. 19 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:23,124 Thank you Bret, our first game today, Denver and New England 20 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,626 is too close to call. 21 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,377 Oh... 22 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,046 But if you're one of those compulsive types 23 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,214 who just has to bet... 24 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,049 well, I don't know. 25 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,801 Mmm... Denver! 26 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:35,178 Woo-whoo! Denver! Yeah! 27 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,471 Moe's Tavern 28 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,807 where the peanut bowl is freshened hourly. 29 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,476 Moe, I'd like to bet $20 on Denver. 30 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:44,562 I think I can provide that service. 31 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,314 Chief Wiggum, could you hand me 32 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:47,315 that little black book? 33 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,608 Sure thing, Moe. 34 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,443 I was just using it as a coaster. 35 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,778 HOMER: 20 big ones on Denver. 36 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,905 Pleasure doing business with you. 37 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,406 H.S. 38 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,785 All right, Denver, justify my love. 39 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,662 MAN: At the end of 13 seconds of play 40 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,747 it's New England seven, Denver nothing. 41 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:03,748 D'oh! 42 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:04,874 Look, Dad. 43 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,084 I made a model studio apartment 44 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,002 for my Malibu Stacy doll. 45 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,587 This is a kitchen. 46 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,757 This is where she prints her weekly feminist newsletter. 47 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,218 Dad, you're not listening to me! 48 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,262 Lousy, stupid Denver. 49 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,013 Mmm! 50 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,099 (humming) 51 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:25,311 Oh, look at that, a shoe box house. 52 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,646 Lisa, you're so clever. 53 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,398 Why isn't Dad ever interested 54 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,150 in anything I do? 55 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:33,570 Well...do you ever take an interest in anything he does? 56 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,906 No. Well, we used to have burping contests 57 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,992 but I outgrew it. 58 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,910 If you want to get closer to him 59 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,328 maybe you should bridge the gap. 60 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,080 I do it all the time. 61 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,791 I pretend I'm interested in looking at power tools 62 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,002 going to those silly car-chase movies 63 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,838 and... some things I'll tell you about when you're older. 64 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,131 Do you understand? 65 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,549 I think so. 66 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,134 -Bart! -What? 67 00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:58,261 HOMER: Oh, look at that. 68 00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,180 Why did you do that? 69 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,558 Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together? 70 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,935 Uh... Okay. 71 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,189 Just don't say anything, and sit down over there. 72 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,815 Over. 73 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,108 Over. 74 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,068 Over. 75 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,737 Over. 76 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,113 (sighing) 77 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,908 Lisa, please, I can't hear the announcer. 78 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,326 He said Denver just fumbled. 79 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,327 D'oh! 80 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,332 See you in hell, soldier boy. 81 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,875 (evil chuckling) 82 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:29,876 Bart? 83 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,669 Yeah, Mom. 84 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,296 I was thinking that while your father and Lisa watch the game, 85 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:36,090 it might be fun if the two of us went clothes shopping. 86 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,219 Mom, I'd love to, but to be honest, I don't need new clothes. 87 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,970 Oh, really? 88 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,767 So even though I'd love to spend 89 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:49,562 this sunny afternoon trying on clothes, it's not... 90 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:53,024 Folks, when you're right 52% of the time 91 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,401 you're wrong 48% of the time. 92 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,111 Why didn't you say that before? 93 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,197 Okay, Jimmy, you're off the hook. 94 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,199 We've got Miami-Cincinnati coming up. Any thoughts? 95 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,492 I certainly do, Bret. 96 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,369 I hereby declare Miami 97 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,413 to be Smooth Jimmy's 'Lock of the Week.' 98 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,916 Ooh, that's a big lock, alright. 99 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,918 But I just don't trust that guy. 100 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,045 In the Cincinnati-Miami game 101 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:17,382 I declare Cincinnati to be my "Shoe-in of the Week." 102 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,385 They both make a good case. 103 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:23,429 After evaluating millions of pieces of data 104 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,348 in the blink of an eye, 105 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:29,060 the Gambletron 2000 says the winner is... Cincinnati 106 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,229 by 200 points? 107 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:34,023 Why, you worthless hunk of junk! 108 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,443 You want some of this, don't you? 109 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,820 Yeah! 110 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:39,946 Well, you need to know the winners, 111 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,072 and I know the winners. 112 00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,241 So call me now. 113 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,244 $5 for the first minute, $2 for each additional minute. 114 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:49,247 (slowly) You... have reached... 115 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,623 the coach's... 116 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:51,624 hot... 117 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:52,625 Line. 118 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,626 Line. 119 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,836 Lay it on me, coach. 120 00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,005 In the game of... 121 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,089 Mi-am-i 122 00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,090 Mm-hmm. 123 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,091 Versus Cin... 124 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,509 Cincinnati. 125 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:02,885 -Cin... -Cincinnati. 126 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,929 -Na...ti. -Cincinnati. 127 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,764 C'mon, c'mon! Don't you realize this is costing me money? 128 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,809 We must consider... many things. 129 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,269 The wind... 130 00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:12,645 D'oh, not the wind! 131 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,230 Is blowing out of the... 132 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,398 west... 133 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:16,733 at five... 134 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,151 Miles per hour. 135 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:19,277 -Knots. -D'oh! 136 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,695 This is ridiculous! 137 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,739 What am I supposed to do? 138 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:23,990 Lisa, who do you think's gonna win? 139 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,241 The Bengals or the Dolphins? 140 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,036 I don't know. The Dolphins? 141 00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,287 Good, good. 142 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,456 Moe, $50 on the Miami Dolphins. 143 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,291 Gotcha. 50 beans on Miami. 144 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,752 Homer, I got a call on the other line. Hello? 145 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,420 Moe, it's me, Mr. K. 146 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:38,504 (laughing) 147 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:39,756 Yeah, yeah, what will it be? 148 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,632 Put me down for $700 on the Rams. 149 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:42,967 (honks horn) 150 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,136 Oh, and put Sideshow Mel down for two grand. 151 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,888 Mom, I'm tired. 152 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,723 I want to go home. 153 00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,767 Can't I just lie down for a minute? 154 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,186 Bart, I think you'd look very sharp 155 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,228 in this shirt. 156 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,064 Fine. Get it. Let's go. 157 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,065 No, no, no. 158 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,316 You have to try it on. 159 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,152 Ooh, and this one's 50% off. 160 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,154 You know why these clothes are on sale, Mom? 161 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,323 Because the people who wear them get beaten up. 162 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,951 Well, anyone who would beat you up for wearing a shirt isn't your friend. 163 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,203 Ooh, this looks good, 164 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,372 and this one is very, very cute 165 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,165 and these... 166 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:18,002 Oh, look, little bow ties! 167 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,462 And don't make that face at me. 168 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:20,463 How did you know? 169 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,590 Touchdown, Dolphins! 170 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,133 All right, Dolphins! 171 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,259 All right, Dolphins! 172 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,303 -Woo-hoo! -Woo-hoo! 173 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,930 50 big ones! 174 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,139 50 big ones? 175 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,516 Uh-oh. 176 00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,226 You see, Lisa, Daddy's friend Moe promised 177 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,895 to give him $50 if the Dolphins won the game. 178 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,146 You mean you made a bet? 179 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,232 I wouldn't call it a bet. 180 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,067 It's a little thing Daddies do 181 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,360 to make football more exciting. 182 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:43,986 What could be more exciting 183 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,864 than the savage ballet that is pro football? 184 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,157 Well, you know. 185 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,992 You like ice cream, don't you? 186 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,119 Uh-huh. 187 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,370 Don't you like ice cream better 188 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,080 when it's covered with hot fudge 189 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,834 and mounds of whipped cream, chopped nuts 190 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,795 and those crumbled-up cookie things they mash up? 191 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,171 Mmm... 192 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,006 Crumbled-up cookie things. 193 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,759 So gambling makes a good thing even better? 194 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,428 That's right! 195 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,221 My God... 196 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,014 it's like there's some kind of bond between us. 197 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,062 Hmm? 198 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:30,366 We've got a troublemaker in booth eight. 199 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,202 Forget him. There's a code red in booth three. 200 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,579 My God! 201 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,205 Those aren't the socks she came in with. 202 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,332 Um-um...Let's move. 203 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,464 -Bart? -In here Mom, but Don't open the-- 204 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,883 -(screaming) -(giggling) 205 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,052 Oh, Bart, you could use some new underwear too. 206 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,014 MAN: Look at that stupid kid! 207 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:54,056 -Three! -Three! 208 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,057 -Two! -Two! 209 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,684 -One! -One! 210 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,061 ANNOUNCER: And the final from Riverfront Stadium: 211 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,522 Miami 24, Cincinnati 10. 212 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,024 -Yeah! -Yeah! 213 00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,902 Boy! Mom sure will be happy you won $50. 214 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,570 You'd think that, wouldn't you? 215 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,615 But you see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea 216 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,116 that gambling is wrong 217 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,118 even though they say it's okay in the Bible. 218 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,536 Really? Where? 219 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,663 Uh... somewhere in the back. 220 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,833 The point is, we had a great time today. 221 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,627 And to keep it that way 222 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,671 let's not tell your mother about our little wager, okay? 223 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:26,797 Okay, Dad. 224 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,299 Did you two have fun? 225 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:29,842 You bet. 226 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,010 (giggling) 227 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,428 Well, we had fun too. 228 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,472 Right now, Bart is modeling his new clothes 229 00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:35,681 for his friends. 230 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,725 Ooh... 231 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,561 You got to come out sometime, Simpson. 232 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:46,859 Goodnight, Dad. I had a really nice time today. 233 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,778 Me too, honey. 234 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:49,904 Can I watch football with you 235 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,322 again next Sunday? 236 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,740 Sure. You'll find it gets rid 237 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,159 of the unpleasant aftertaste of church. 238 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,577 See how good things can happen 239 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,246 if you make a little effort? 240 00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,664 Point well taken. 241 00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:02,833 Uh, Mom... could you loosen my blanket a little? 242 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,669 Dad tucked me in too tight, and it's cutting off 243 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:07,171 the circulation in my arms and legs. 244 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,298 This team is fired up. We came here to play. 245 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,092 -Alright! -He'll lose. 246 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:13,010 What? Didn't you hear what he said? 247 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,470 Look at the fear in his eyes. 248 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,264 Listen to the quiver in his voice. 249 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:19,058 He's a little boy lost in a game of men. 250 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,518 Do you think we should bet against them? 251 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,353 I'd bet my entire college fund on it. 252 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:23,354 You got it. 253 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:27,149 Moe, $23 on New York. 254 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,985 MAN: Start spreading the news. 255 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,988 It's New York over Philadelphia, 35 to 10. 256 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,908 -Yay! -Yay! 257 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,493 Dad, I hate to break the mood 258 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,619 but I'm getting nauseous. 259 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,913 Oh, sorry. 260 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,124 So, who do you like in the afternoon games? 261 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:45,918 Well, I like the 49ers because they're pure of heart, 262 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,629 Seattle because they got something to prove, 263 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,798 and the Raiders because they always cheat. 264 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,967 In an extremely suspicious play 265 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,635 the Raiders win! 266 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,095 Three for three! 267 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,437 Hey, the new sign's really working. 268 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,647 It's been a madhouse, Lisa. 269 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:07,940 Let's see... 270 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,109 Football... football... 271 00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,777 homoeroticism in... 272 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,529 oddball Canadian rules... 273 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,615 Phyllis George in... 274 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,825 Oh, doctor, what a finish! 275 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:21,370 The final score-- Atlanta 17, Houston 13. 276 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,663 and the lowly Falcons are flying high. 277 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,665 Who would have thunk it? 278 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,792 My daughter, that's who. 279 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,169 Yeah, me. 280 00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,754 Lisa, you pick the winner every time. 281 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,131 You must have some kind of special gift. 282 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:33,966 Come on Dad. It doesn't take a genius 283 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,427 to realize that Houston's failed to cover their last ten outings 284 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,679 on away turf the week after scoring more 285 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,681 than three touchdowns in a conference game. 286 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,601 My little girl says the cutest things. 287 00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,853 You know, Dad, Sunday is fast becoming 288 00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:47,480 my favorite day of the week. 289 00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:51,233 Not Sunday-- Daddy-Daughter Day. 290 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,152 The usual, Moe-- 291 00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,988 a beer... and a wad of bills! 292 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,657 Okay... 293 00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,409 (quietly) You lucky moron. 294 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,539 Here you go, Homer, $135. 295 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:09,377 I used to hate the smell of your sweaty feet. 296 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,796 Now it's the smell of victory. 297 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:12,797 Oh, shut up. 298 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,215 (Marge gasps) 299 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:17,176 Look at these prices. We could finally get rid 300 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,220 of those termites for the cost of this meal. 301 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,806 Tut-tut, only the best for my family. 302 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,642 Homer, I can't help wondering where you're getting the money from? 303 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:28,145 Mom, can't a man do something nice for his loved ones? 304 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,480 I guess so. 305 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,524 (both laughing) 306 00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:33,150 Hello, I'm Marco, I'll be your waiter. 307 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,528 Hello, I'm Homer, I'll be your customer. 308 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,905 (all laughing) 309 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,407 Never heard that one before. 310 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,492 Would you care to select the wine? 311 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,494 I'll do the honors. 312 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,788 No, no, no, no. 313 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,206 My God! 314 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,250 What passes for a wine list these days? 315 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,960 Marco, just bring us your freshest bottle of wine. 316 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,671 Chop, chop. (all giggle) 317 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:57,591 Charming lad. 318 00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,051 Oh, violin guy. 319 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,679 What's your favorite song, Lisa? 320 00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:04,682 -"The Broken Neck Blues." -Play on. 321 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,602 (playing "Broken Neck Blues") 322 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,566 ANNOUNCER: It is the playoffs. 323 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:15,443 It's five below. 324 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,236 and there's one loyal fan wearing nothing but a G-string. 325 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,655 And the team colors painted on his body. 326 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,575 ANNOUNCER 2: He doesn't look too happy. 327 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,493 ANNOUNCER: Well, maybe the paint has shut off his pores and he's slowly suffocating. 328 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,495 Still, that is a real fan. 329 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,205 Well Lisa, it's Daddy-Daughter Day, 330 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,707 and Daddy needs daughter's picks. 331 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,125 Dad, I'm making the Chiefs 332 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,669 my five-star, silver bullet special. 333 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,422 And with your blessing, I'd like to tie it to the Cowboys 334 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,506 plus five at Chicago. 335 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,718 Good, good. You call Moe. 336 00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,345 Moe, this is L.S. calling for H.S. 337 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:44,722 Just give me the bet, Lisa. 338 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,016 110, 120... 339 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,559 You lucky son of a... 340 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,019 Hey Homer, you want to go bowling next Sunday? 341 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,772 Barney, are you nuts? That's the Super Bowl. 342 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,440 How about the Sunday after that? 343 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,275 Well, my ma's coming in from Norway 344 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,486 but what the hell. (belching) 345 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,614 And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, 346 00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,949 that was the happiest day of my life. 347 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,910 Thank you, Ralph, very graphic. 348 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:09,955 Lisa Simpson, would you like to read your essay? 349 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:13,542 The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago 350 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,420 I was sitting on my Daddy's knee when the Saints-- 351 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,923 who are four and a half point favorites, but only up by three-- 352 00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,633 kicked a meaningless field goal 353 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,635 at the last second to cover the spread. 354 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:23,928 Dear God! 355 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,431 Oh, Dad! You must have bought me 356 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,724 every Malibu Stacy accessory there is. 357 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,226 Not quite. 358 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,186 They were out of Malibu Stacy lunar rovers. 359 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,980 Ooh, perfume! 360 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,566 "Meryl Streep's Versatility." 361 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,032 Boy, I know you're going to like your present. 362 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,784 Shut up! Shut up! Kiss my butt! 363 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,369 Shut up! Go to hell! Go to hell! 364 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:50,329 Dad, I promise you, 365 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,498 I will never get tired of this. 366 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,668 Homer, those were very thoughtful presents 367 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,754 but you have to tell me where you got the money from. 368 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,256 Alright Marge, I'll tell you, 369 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,299 but first you have to promise you will not get mad. 370 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,884 I promise I will get mad 371 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,594 because I always do when you make me promise I won't. 372 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,221 Alright, if you must know, 373 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,806 Lisa and I have been gambling on pro football. 374 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,015 Homer! 375 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,392 You promised you wouldn't get mad. 376 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:12,893 I did not. I promised I would get mad. 377 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,937 She's an eight-year-old girl! 378 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,815 Marge, she never loses. She's got a gift. 379 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,859 Aren't parents supposed to encourage their kids 380 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:20,985 whenever they show talent? 381 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,820 But gambling is illegal. 382 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,530 Oh, only in 48 states. 383 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,615 Besides, it's a victimless crime. 384 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,826 The only victim is Moe 385 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:31,620 and it's brought Lisa and me together. 386 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:32,913 I just don't know. 387 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,498 Look, what's the problem? 388 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,834 The kids are happy, you smell like Meryl Streep 389 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,837 and I got that foot massager I've always wanted. 390 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,966 Believe me, Marge, nothing bad could possibly come of this. 391 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,801 You know, Dad, 392 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,761 we've been watching a lot of TV lately. 393 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,722 Maybe the Sunday after the Super Bowl 394 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,640 we could hike up to the top of Mt. Springfield. 395 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,393 The fires in the tire yards really make for some beautiful sunsets. 396 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:58,063 That sounds great honey, but next Sunday I'm going bowling with Barney. 397 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,190 What about Daddy-Daughter Day? 398 00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:03,027 Don't worry. The new football season is only seven months away. 399 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,320 So that's it. 400 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,405 You just wanted me to help you gamble. 401 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,325 You never wanted to be with me at all. 402 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,286 (sobbing) 403 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:15,164 You're a very selfish man. 404 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,790 Go to hell! Go to hell! 405 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,876 Hey, once again, great present, Dad. 406 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,342 Uh... uh... 407 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,678 My third husband bought me this. 408 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,597 Give me some chips for it. 409 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,932 Are you sure Ma'am? 410 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,350 Don't tell me what to do Sonny. 411 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,976 I've been gambling since I was eight 412 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,771 and I've been hocking jewelry since I was 12. 413 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:39,855 Now give me some chips. 414 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,440 (gasps) 415 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:47,905 Look around you, Malibu Stacy. 416 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,698 All this was bought with dirty money. 417 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:54,328 Your penthouse, your Alfa-Romeo, your collagen-injection clinic. 418 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,330 You're going back into the shoebox. 419 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,456 It may not be pretty 420 00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,917 but damn it, it's honest. 421 00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,964 I, Lisa Simpson 422 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,091 am hereby giving away 423 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:11,387 all my ill-gotten Malibu Stacy accessories! 424 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,013 (screaming) 425 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,223 Ahh! 426 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,019 (clamoring) 427 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,942 Look Lisa, I bought you 428 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,652 a Malibu Stacy chinchilla coat. 429 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,153 -Ooh! -Huh? 430 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,114 So you've come to buy my forgiveness. 431 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,740 Sorry, Homer. 432 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,867 Lisa, honey, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. 433 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:37,287 but I really had a good time watching football with you 434 00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,832 and I think you had a good time with me. 435 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,875 Yeah, I did. 436 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,585 Well, come on, we can still watch the Super Bowl together 437 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,879 can't we? Huh? 438 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,548 (both giggling) 439 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:50,050 Well, I would like to see what the fuss is about. 440 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,635 It's a date. 441 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,054 So... 442 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,807 Do you think the Redskins will beat the spread? 443 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,309 Put me down. 444 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:03,355 Look Dad, I'll tell you who's going to win the Super Bowl if you want me to, 445 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,065 but it will just validate my theory 446 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,608 that you cared more about winning money 447 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,527 than you did about me. 448 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:09,820 Okay. 449 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,697 I think Washington is a mortal lock. 450 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,782 Washington! Whoo-hoo! 451 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,576 However... 452 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:16,702 However? What however? What do you mean 'however'? 453 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,162 However what? 454 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:21,790 However, I may also be so clouded with rage 455 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,418 that subconsciously I want you to lose. 456 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,755 In which case, I'd bet the farm on Buffalo. 457 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,965 Lisa, do me a favor. Complete this sentence: 458 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,551 Daddy should bet all his money on... 459 00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,595 -I don't know. -Oh! 460 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,430 If I still love you, Washington. 461 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,766 If I don't, Buffalo. 462 00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:46,607 Homer, I think that chip's got enough dip on it. 463 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,361 We're live from the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome 464 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,113 and Super Bowl 26. 465 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,615 Today we're going to be seen 466 00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:58,452 by people in 150 countries all over the world 467 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:01,413 including our newest affiliate, W-Gimel-Aleph-Nun 468 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,414 in Tel Aviv. 469 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,874 Stupid! 470 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,667 (Jerry Lewis squealing) Sorry... 471 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,212 (both laughing) 472 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,880 Formidable. 473 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:13,634 (Lisa playing "Broken Neck Blues") 474 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,057 Oh, every note is like a dagger in my heart. 475 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,225 I got to get out of here. 476 00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:22,601 Moe's Tavern. 477 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:24,603 Home of the Super Sunday Brunch Spectacular. 478 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,522 Ohh! Baloney. 479 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,232 Bread! 480 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,775 Got you down for 40 bucks. 481 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,777 Good luck, Your Eminence. 482 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,946 Sorry, Homer, you can't take any more of my money. 483 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,615 I'm out of the bookie business. 484 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,534 But Moe, you've been taking bets all... 485 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,578 -Hey, Barney, how 'bout a free beer. -Wow! 486 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,288 Don't worry, Moe, I'm not betting. 487 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,999 -What? Give me that. -Aw. 488 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,335 I had the greatest gift of all-- 489 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:49,837 a little girl who could pick football-- 490 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,755 and I ruined it. 491 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,173 Well, sir, we're two hours 492 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,134 and 45 minutes into the pregame show, 493 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,385 and we've got ourselves a special guest-- 494 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,928 Actor Troy McClure, 495 00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:00,222 whose new sitcom is premiering tonight 496 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,099 coincidentally enough, right after the game! 497 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,767 Thanks, Bret. 498 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,394 My new show's called "Handle With Care." 499 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,229 I play Jack Handle, a retired cop 500 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,022 who shares an apartment with a retired criminal. 501 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,774 We're the original Odd Couple. 502 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,110 What made you want to do a situation comedy? 503 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,070 Well I fell in love with the script, Bret. 504 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,699 And my recent trouble with the IRS sealed the deal. 505 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:19,741 Great, great, Troy. 506 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,326 Ooh! Looks like 507 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,120 we're almost ready for the kickoff. 508 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,705 Washington kicks. 509 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,456 Oh, it's a bad kick, way too short. 510 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,501 Buffalo is going to start with excellent field position. 511 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,502 Buffalo's going to win. 512 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,005 Lisa hates me. 513 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,214 What you got riding on this game? 514 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,591 My daughter. 515 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,759 (whistles) What a gambler. 516 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,636 And with the score at the half-- 517 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,763 Buffalo 14, Washington 7-- 518 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:46,226 it's time for the never-tedious Super Bowl halftime show. 519 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:52,191 People of Earth, we've come ten billion light-years 520 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:56,153 to bring you this halftime message of peace. 521 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,405 ♪ One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock ♪ 522 00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:00,949 ♪ Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock ♪ 523 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,285 ♪ Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock ♪ 524 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:06,955 ♪ We're gonna rock around the world tonight ♪ 525 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,165 Oh, this sucks. 526 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,209 Come on, snipers, where are you? 527 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,543 Bart, who's winning? 528 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,503 You-hate-Dad is up by a touchdown. 529 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:14,963 (sighing) 530 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:18,050 ALL: Go! Go! Go! Go! Yay! 531 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:21,887 ANNOUNCER: It's a touchdown for halfback Dan Beerdorf. 532 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,931 Duff Dry has won the Duff Bowl. 533 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,726 They wanted it more. 534 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,978 Hey, Homer, didn't you say if Duff Dry wins, 535 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:30,979 your daughter loves you? 536 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,273 Not Duff Dry, Washington. 537 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:35,567 Okay, okay, they're both great teams. 538 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,568 -Yay! -Yay! 539 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,070 Huh? 540 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:39,863 Touchdown, Redskins. 541 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,615 All right, we're back in business. 542 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,911 Well, I'm glad some people 543 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,871 could resist the lures of the big game. 544 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,082 Oh, my God! I forgot the game! 545 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:52,334 So, with three ticks left on the clock, 546 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,253 it all comes down to this one play. 547 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,505 If Washington scores here, happy fans will be looting 548 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,548 and turning over cars in our nation's capitol tonight. 549 00:20:58,632 --> 00:20:59,675 Here's the handoff.. 550 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:00,759 Please, please, please. 551 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:02,761 Touchdown! 552 00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,304 Stick a cork in this one, it is done! 553 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,224 The Washington Redskins win Super Bowl 26! 554 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,308 I guess you love Dad. 555 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,227 I suspected as much. 556 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:12,813 Yes! She loves me, she loves me. 557 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,231 What are you so happy about, Homer? 558 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,899 You didn't win any money. 559 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,986 Money comes and money goes, but what I have with my daughter 560 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,280 can go on for eight more years! 561 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:24,658 (Homer panting) 562 00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:26,410 Come on, Dad! 563 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,370 (panting) 564 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,001 (panting) It's beautiful. 565 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,335 Isn't it, though? 566 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:38,463 After I catch my breath... 567 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:42,676 can we go home? 568 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,431 (whistle blows) 569 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:50,642 ♪♪ 570 00:22:50,285 --> 00:22:51,495 (whistle blows) 571 00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:57,542 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.