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阿森一族

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（《今日足球內幕》）

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大家好，我是布雷特岡索曼

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本週是國家足球聯盟關鍵的第八週

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請繼續觀賞六個小時的
精采足球片段

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腰帶拜拜

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荷馬，那些高熱量又炸又鹹的零食

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對你的心臟不好

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我的心臟很好

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整番杯啤酒降火先

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今天球賽的數據

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來自於正確率高達52%的
滑頭吉米阿波羅

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謝謝布雷特，今天的第一場比賽
丹佛對新英格蘭

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實力接近到難分高下

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但如果你是那種有強迫症

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一定要落注的人

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我也不知道...

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丹佛吧

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丹佛，好耶

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老莫小酒館，我們每小時
都會加滿花生

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老莫，我押丹佛20蚊

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我想我可以提供這服務

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維古姆警長，可以遙黑色簿給我嗎？

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沒問題，老莫
我只是用來做杯墊而已

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丹佛20大洋

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很高興與你做生意，荷辛

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好了，丹佛，證明我沒愛錯人

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球賽過了13秒
新英格蘭8分，丹佛0分

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你看，爸爸

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我幫我的馬里布史黛西公仔整了間屋

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這是廚房

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她都在這裡印她的女權新聞周刊

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爸爸，你都沒有聽

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可惡的笨丹佛隊

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妳看看，是鞋盒屋

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麗莎，好犀利

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爸爸為什麼對我做的事都沒興趣？

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妳有對他做的事產生過興趣嗎？

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沒有

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我們以前會比賽打嗝
但是我玩膩了

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如果妳想跟他的感情更好
也許妳該跨出第一步

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我總是這樣做

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我假裝對電動工具有興趣

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同他去看那些白痴的飛車電影

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還有一些東西等妳長大點再同妳講

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妳明嗎？

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我想是的

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-巴特
-怎樣？

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（新英格蘭35：丹佛7第三節）

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你看，這何必呢？

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我們一起看會不會很好玩？

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好吧

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什麼都別說，坐去那邊

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過去

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過去

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過去

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過去

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麗莎，拜託妳，我聽不到講波佬

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他說丹佛失球了

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我們在地獄見了，士兵仔

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-巴特
-怎麼啦，媽嗎？

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我在想既然你爸和麗莎在看球賽

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我們兩個一起去買衫
說不定會很好玩

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媽，我很想，真心話是
我不需要新衫

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真的嗎？

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所以雖然我很想

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在星期天下午試著新衫...

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（最終比數新英格蘭55分丹佛10分）

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各位，有52%的估中機率
也就有48%的機率估錯

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你怎麼不早講？

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好吧，吉米，不怪你了

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下一場是邁阿密對辛辛那堤
有什麼想法？

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當然有，布雷特

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我鄭重宣佈邁阿密
為滑頭吉米的“本週特選”

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說得很慎重，但是我不相信那條友

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在辛辛那提對邁阿密的球賽

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我宣布辛辛那堤為我的“本週穩贏”

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他們兩個都非常的有說服力

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在幾秒內

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評估數百萬件數據

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賭神2000說贏家是

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辛辛那提領先200分？

83
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你這堆沒用的廢鐵

84
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想要這個嗎？

85
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要

86
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那就得知道贏家是誰，我剛好知道
所以現在就打來

87
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（立刻打，贏大獎，我們從不出錯）

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第一分鐘5元，之後每分鐘2元

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你...打給...了...

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教練...的...熱...

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-線
-線

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快講，教練

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在...

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邁...阿...密...

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-對...辛...
-辛辛那提

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-辛...
-辛辛那提

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-那...提...
-辛辛那提

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快點，你們難道不知道
這要用錢的嗎？

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我們必須考慮...很多因素

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風

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風

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是從...

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西邊吹...

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風速5...

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英哩每小時

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節

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太荒謬了，我要點算？

108
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麗莎，妳覺得誰贏？
孟加拉虎隊還是海豚隊？

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不知道，海豚？

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很好

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老莫，我押50元的海豚隊

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好，50大洋，邁阿密

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荷馬，我有人打入來，喂？

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老莫，是我，庫先生

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好，要什麼？

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幫我押700元公羊隊

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幫雜耍家梅爾押兩千

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媽，我累了

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我想回家，我可以躺下來一會嗎？

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巴特，我覺得你穿這件恤衫

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一定好型

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好，買吧，快走了

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不可以

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你一定要試身

125
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而且這件有半價

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妳知道這些衣服為什麼有折嗎？

127
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因為穿的人都會被人丙

128
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會因為你穿的衣服而丙你的人
就不算是朋友

129
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這件不錯

130
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還有這件，好得意

131
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還有這些...

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你看，是小領呔

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-別對我做那個表情
-你怎知道？

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海豚隊得咗！

135
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喔耶，海豚隊

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喔耶，海豚隊

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50元大張嘢

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50元大張嘢？

139
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麗莎，爸爸的朋友老莫答應我

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如果海豚隊贏了就給我50塊

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-你是說你落注嗎？
-我不會叫做落注

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只是爸爸讓球賽變得更刺激的事情

143
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還有什麼能比

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足球這種野蠻芭蕾舞更刺激？

145
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妳知道

146
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妳喜歡吃雪糕，對不對？

147
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妳會不會覺得雪糕淋熱糖漿

148
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還有一大舊忌廉，碎果仁

149
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還有那些他們碾碎的餅乾東西
會變得更好味嗎？

150
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碾碎的餅乾

151
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所以賭博會讓好的事更好嗎？

152
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沒錯

153
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我的天...我們之間
好像產生了某種感情

154
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（試身室）

155
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（全程監控）

156
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（去死）

157
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第八間有個搗蛋鬼

158
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算了，第三間有紅色警報

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天啊，她進來時穿的不著那些襪

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行動

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-巴特？
-我在這裡，媽

162
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但是別開...

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巴特，你也需要買些新底底

164
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看看那個蠢靚仔

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三、二、一

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來自河彎球場的最後比數

167
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邁阿密24分，辛辛那堤10分

168
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喔耶

169
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媽媽聽說你贏了50元
一定會很開心

170
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妳會這樣覺得，是不是？

171
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:10,656
但是麗莎，媽媽有種瘋狂的想法

172
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賭博是不對的

173
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儘管《聖經》裡說OK

174
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真的嗎？在哪裡？

175
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後面

176
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重點是，我們今天過得很開心

177
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要維持下去的話

178
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,421
就別同媽媽提起我們的小賭注好嗎？

179
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好，爸爸

180
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你們過得開心嗎？

181
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,217
當然

182
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我們也很開心

183
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:35,223
現在巴特在曬新衫給朋友看

184
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,602
你總有一天要出來，辛普森

185
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晚安，爸爸，我今天過得很開心

186
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,319
我也是，寶貝

187
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,821
我下星期天可以再同你看球賽嗎？

188
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:51,989
當然

189
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:55,034
妳會發現這會把教堂的不愉快都忘掉

190
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,577
妳看，如果做一點努力

191
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:58,287
就會有好結果嗎？

192
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,705
很有道裡

193
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,667
媽，可以拉鬆張被嗎？

194
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,168
爸爸塞得太緊了

195
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,712
我手腳都不可以血液流通了

196
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,298
全隊都鬥志十足，我們是來打波的

197
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,008
-好唷
-他會輸

198
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,969
什麼？妳沒聽到他說的話嗎？

199
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,430
你看他眼裡的恐懼，聲音在顫抖

200
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:20,518
-他是隻誤入狼群的羔羊
-妳覺得該押另一隊嗎？

201
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:23,354
-我會把我成個大學基金都押落去
-沒問題

202
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:26,482
老莫，押23元在紐約

203
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,901
把消息傳出去

204
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,029
紐約贏費城，35：10

205
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爸爸，我不想掃興，但我有點想嘔

206
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抱歉

207
00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:43,124
那下午的比賽妳看好誰？

208
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,960
我喜歡49人隊
因為他們的動機純淨

209
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,421
西雅圖則想證明自己

210
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,256
還有突擊者隊因為他們成日作弊

211
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,967
一次十分可疑的進攻

212
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讓突擊者隊贏得比賽

213
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三場全中

214
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,263
（春田公共圖書館）

215
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,644
新的招牌真的很有效

216
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,314
這裡忙得像青山一樣，麗莎

217
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,565
我看看

218
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,859
足球...

219
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,819
同性性欲...

220
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,571
古怪的加拿大法律...

221
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,489
菲利斯喬治的...

222
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,867
博士，精彩的結局

223
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,412
最終比數亞特蘭大17分
休士頓13分

224
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:24,915
卑微的獵鷹展翅高飛
有誰會估到？

225
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,959
我個囡就估到了

226
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,085
對啊，我

227
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:31,839
麗莎，妳總是能選對贏家
一定是有某種特別的天賦

228
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,883
拜託，爸，就算不是天才

229
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:37,219
也能發現休士頓在最近10次
遠征的同聯盟賽事中

230
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,180
只要完成超過三次達陣

231
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,264
下週的比賽都一定會輸

232
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:43,517
我的小女兒總是說最可愛的話

233
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:47,521
你知道，爸爸，星期天
很快的成為我最喜歡的一天

234
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,858
不是星期天，是父女日

235
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,194
照舊，老莫

236
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:56,280
一杯啤酒...和一疊銀紙

237
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:59,950
好...你這好運的蠢材

238
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,539
給你，荷馬，135元

239
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,334
我以前很討厭你的腳臭

240
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,545
現在這是勝利的味道

241
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:12,797
收聲

242
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,217
看看這價格

243
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,679
這一餐要花的錢可以拿來除白蟻了

244
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,223
我家人值得最好

245
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:25,101
荷馬，我好好奇你這些錢從哪來的？

246
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,104
媽，他就不能為家人做些好事嗎？

247
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,438
應該吧

248
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,317
哈囉，我是馬可，你們的侍應

249
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,528
哈囉，我是荷馬，你的客人

250
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:39,073
從沒聽過這句笑話

251
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,534
要挑瓶酒嗎？

252
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,119
由我來效勞

253
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:45,496
不可以...

254
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:46,622
天啊

255
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,250
這年頭的酒是這種水平嗎？

256
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,627
馬可，來一瓶最新鮮的酒，快

257
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,381
真可愛的孩子

258
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,843
拉小提琴的那個

259
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,345
妳最喜歡什麼歌，麗莎？

260
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,514
“斷頸藍調”

261
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,682
拉吧

262
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,607
這是季後賽

263
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:14,900
現在是零下5度

264
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,361
還有一個忠誠的球迷
除了丁字褲外一絲不掛

265
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,697
身上還塗了球隊的顏色

266
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,657
他看起來不是很高興

267
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,744
也許是因為彩繪將毛孔都塞住
而他正緩慢的窒息中

268
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,203
不論如何，他是個真正的球迷

269
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,707
麗莎，今天是父女日
爸爸需要女兒選的隊

270
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:33,586
爸爸，我選酋長隊
為我的5星銀彈隊

271
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:37,465
如果你允許的話，我還要押
芝加哥比賽中的牛仔隊贏5分

272
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,133
很好，打給老莫

273
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:43,053
老莫，我是花辛，代荷辛打來

274
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,305
同我講妳點落注，麗莎

275
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,892
110，120，你這幸運的...

276
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,102
荷馬，下星期天要去打保齡球嗎？

277
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,813
巴尼，你巔了嗎？是超級盃耶

278
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,482
下下星期天怎樣？

279
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,735
我媽要從挪威來，但是隨便啦

280
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,447
醫生說我身體裡沒有蟲了

281
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,532
這就是我最快樂的一天

282
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,534
謝謝你，孔安，十分的繪聲繪影

283
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,871
麗莎辛普森
要不要朗讀妳的作文？

284
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:13,501
我最快樂的一天是三個星期天前

285
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:16,086
我坐在我爸爸的膝蓋上，當聖人隊

286
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,964
原本看好能贏4分半
但是只贏3分

287
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:22,593
踢了個毫無意義的射門來補點差

288
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,011
老天

289
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,308
爸爸，你幫我買了
馬里布史黛西所有的配件

290
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:32,102
還沒有，馬里布史黛西的
月球車賣完了

291
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,396
香水

292
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,732
（戲精梅莉史翠普）

293
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,032
仔，我知道你會喜歡你的禮物的

294
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,284
收聲，吃屎啦

295
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,369
去死啦

296
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:52,456
爸，我同你保證我永遠不會玩厭

297
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,376
荷馬，你送的禮物都很棒

298
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:58,337
但是你必須告訴我錢都從哪來

299
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,630
美枝，我會告訴妳

300
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,966
但是妳得答應我不會嬲

301
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:05,427
我保證我一定會嬲，因為你每次
要我不可以嬲我都會勁嬲

302
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,679
好吧，如果你一定得知道的話

303
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,764
麗莎跟我最近在賭職業足球

304
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,850
-荷馬
-妳答應過不嬲的

305
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,893
我沒有，我說我一定會嬲

306
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,562
她只有八歲

307
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,648
美枝，她從沒輸過，她有天份

308
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,483
父母不是應該

309
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,651
在孩子展現天份的時候鼓勵他們嗎？

310
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,486
但是賭博是犯法的

311
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,405
只有在48個州是非法

312
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,574
而且，這種犯罪又沒有受害者

313
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,117
唯一的受害者是老莫

314
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,744
而且這讓我和麗莎更親近了

315
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:32,621
我真的不確定

316
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,123
怎麼了？

317
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,542
小朋友都很開心
妳身上有梅麗史翠普的香味

318
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,128
我也買了我一直想要的腳底按摩器

319
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:43,299
相信我，美枝
這絕對不會出問題的

320
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,428
爸，我們最近都一直看電視

321
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:49,263
也許超級盃之後的星期天

322
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,682
我們可以徒步去春田火山頂

323
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,935
廢輪胎廠的火焰
很能襯托日落的美景

324
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,688
聽起來很棒，但是下星期天
我要和巴尼去打保齡球

325
00:14:57,771 --> 00:14:59,440
那父女日呢？

326
00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:02,693
別擔心，下個賽季
再七個月就開始了

327
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,111
是這樣的嗎？

328
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,196
你只需要我幫你落注

329
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,657
你根本不想花時間陪我

330
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:14,455
你好自私

331
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,123
去死啦

332
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,959
我再說一次，超好的禮物喔

333
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:31,472
這是我第三任老公給的
跟你換籌碼

334
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:32,640
妳確定嗎，小姐？

335
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:36,101
別理我怎麼做，小子
我從8歲起就開始賭博

336
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,687
12歲起就在典當珠寶

337
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:39,855
給我籌碼

338
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,740
妳看看這些東西，馬里布史黛西
這些都是用污糟錢買

339
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,994
妳的閣樓，愛快羅密歐
膠原蛋白注射診所

340
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,372
妳要回去妳的鞋盒

341
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,623
雖然不豪華

342
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,959
但至少是清清白白

343
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,172
我，麗莎辛普森

344
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:07,007
要送走

345
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:10,511
所有骯髒的馬里布史黛西配件

346
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,694
妳看，麗莎，我幫你買了
馬里布史黛西的絨鼠皮大褸

347
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,155
所以你是來買我的原諒

348
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,407
抱歉，荷馬

349
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:34,493
麗莎，很抱歉我傷了妳的心

350
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:37,955
但是我和妳看球賽時真的很開心

351
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,332
我覺得妳也很開心

352
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:41,583
我是很開心

353
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,921
來吧，我們還是可以一起看超級盃
不是嗎？

354
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,384
我想看看到底有什麼大不了的

355
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:51,969
就這樣約定了

356
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:56,765
妳覺得紅人隊能贏差額嗎？

357
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,267
放我下來

358
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:03,397
爸，如果你希望的話
我會告訴你誰會贏超級盃

359
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,650
但是這只會證實
我假設的你在乎贏錢

360
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,444
多於你在乎我

361
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:09,778
好

362
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,072
我覺得華盛頓贏定了

363
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,116
華盛頓

364
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,701
-但是...
-但是？

365
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:17,953
然而什麼？妳說“但是”
是什麼意思？但是什麼？

366
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,832
但是，我也可能是太生氣了

367
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,752
潛意識中希望你輸

368
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,713
如果是這樣，我就會全押水牛城

369
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:30,007
麗莎，幫幫忙，完成這句

370
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:32,551
爸爸應該把錢全押在...

371
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:33,886
我不知道

372
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,764
如果我還愛你，就是華盛頓

373
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,682
如果不，水牛城

374
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:46,857
荷馬，我覺得你沾夠醬了

375
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,403
來自胡伯特漢福瑞
大都會球場的現場直播

376
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,030
這是第26屆超級盃

377
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,656
今天有來自全球

378
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:58,452
150個國家的觀眾

379
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:01,413
包含來自特拉夫的最新聯播電台

380
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,581
“W-吉馬-阿列夫-囊”

381
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,083
死蠢

382
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,338
太好笑了

383
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:21,266
每句話都像是刺進心裡的匕首
我得離開這裡

384
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,643
老莫小酒館

385
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,770
超級星期天超級早午餐之家

386
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,106
腸仔

387
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,273
麵包

388
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:31,318
幫你落40元
祝你好運，主教閣下

389
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,946
抱歉，你不能再從我這贏錢了

390
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,615
我不再幫人落注了

391
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,534
但是老莫，你成日都在收...

392
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,619
巴尼，請你喝一杯怎麼樣？

393
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,288
別擔心，老莫，我沒有要落注

394
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,915
什麼？還給我

395
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:50,254
我本來有了天下最好的禮物...
一個會選贏家的小女孩

396
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,713
但是都被我破壞了

397
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,050
現在賽前節目已經進行了
2小時45分鐘

398
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,970
來了一位特別來賓
演員特洛伊麥克盧爾

399
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,013
他最新的短劇會在今晚首播

400
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,015
剛剛好緊跟在球賽後

401
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:05,269
謝謝，布雷特
我的新處境劇叫《小心輕放》

402
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,104
我演的是退休警員傑克小心

403
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,398
跟一個退休罪犯合租一間屋

404
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,774
最經典的怪人組合

405
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,152
你為什麼會想演處境劇？

406
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,154
我愛上那個劇本，布雷特

407
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,323
而最近稅局的問題讓我下決定

408
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,616
太棒了，特洛伊

409
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,744
看來我們就快準備好開球了

410
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,121
華盛頓開球

411
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,582
踢得不好，太近了

412
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,293
水牛城的進攻位置非常好

413
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,837
水牛城會贏，麗莎恨我

414
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,257
-你在這場球賽中賭了什麼？
-我女兒

415
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,426
真是個賭鬼

416
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:41,722
半場時的比數
水牛城14分，華盛頓7分

417
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:45,350
現在是永遠看不膩的
超級盃半場節目

418
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:52,065
地球人，我們跋涉了百億光年

419
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:56,111
帶給你們這個半場的和平訊息

420
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,739
1，2，3點鐘，4點鐘搖滾

421
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:01,658
5，6，7點鐘，8點鐘搖滾

422
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,994
9，10，11點鐘
12點鐘搖滾

423
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,622
我們今晚要搖滾全世界

424
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:10,626
太渣了，拜託，狙擊手
你們在哪裡？

425
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:11,752
巴特，現在誰贏？

426
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:14,087
你恨爸爸隊現在領先一次達陣

427
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:16,882
加油

428
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,929
中衛丹迪多夫達陣了

429
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,348
達夫烈啤酒贏了達夫盃

430
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:27,684
他們比較想贏

431
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:31,021
荷馬，不是說如果達夫烈啤酒贏了
就表示你女兒還愛你嗎？

432
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:33,315
不是達夫烈啤酒，是華盛頓

433
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,609
好吧，兩邊都是強隊

434
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:39,821
華盛頓達陣

435
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,990
好耶，這才像話

436
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,909
（春田第一教會
每個星期天都是超級星期天）

437
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:47,996
很高興有些人能抗拒超級盃的誘惑

438
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:49,998
天啊，我忘了

439
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:54,002
時間還剩下三秒
最後的進攻會決定輸贏

440
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,463
如果華盛頓得分，今晚狂歡的球迷

441
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,674
就會在國家首都搶劫放火

442
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,218
-傳球了
-拜託...

443
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,263
達陣，球賽結束了

444
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:07,224
華盛頓紅人隊贏了第26屆超級盃

445
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,517
看來妳是愛爸爸

446
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,185
我估也是

447
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,771
太好了，她愛我

448
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,774
你為什麼這麼開心？你又沒贏錢

449
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:18,944
錢生不帶來死不帶去
但是我和女兒的感情

450
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,363
可以再繼續八年

451
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:25,242
（下個週日，春田火山）

452
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,451
快點啊，爸爸

453
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,583
好美啊

454
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,377
不是嗎？

455
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,297
我喘啖氣後

456
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:42,676
可以回家嗎？