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00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(chalk screeches)
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(bell rings)
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(work whistle blows)
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-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
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(jazzy solo)
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(tires screech)
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(tires screeching)
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(horn honks)
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(tires screech)
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D'oh!
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-Aah!
-(tires screech)
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♪♪ (suspenseful)
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Ahh.
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(rumbling)
16
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Why, you little--!
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♪♪ ("Raiders of
the Lost Ark" theme)
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What the--?
D'oh!
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(laughing)
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(babbling)
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Hey, Bart, look at this.
22
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My dad took me to
Circus of Values last night
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and said I could get
anything I wanted.
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Cool-- An oversize
novelty billiard ball.
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Yeah, you shake it up
and it tells the future.
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-Really?
-Uh-huh.
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Will I pass my English test?
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"Outlook not so good."
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Wow, it does work!
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Let me try.
31
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Will... I get
beat up today?
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"All signs point to yes."
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That ball knows everything.
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(grunts, groaning)
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Hey, I got a good one.
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Will Milhouse and I
be friends
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till we're
toothless old men
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with hair coming out
of our ears?
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"Don't count on it."
40
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Will Milhouse and I be friends
when we're high school dropouts
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living off Uncle Sucker?
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"It looks doubtful."
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Will Milhouse and I be friends
at the end of the day?
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(gasping)
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What could come between
two bestest buddies like us?
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Samantha, I've always
been suspicious
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of transfer students.
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Other principals try to unload
problem cases that way.
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Lord knows I do.
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I'm a good student,
Principal Skinner.
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Yeah, sure, and they told me
I'd get a big parade
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when I got back from 'Nam.
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Instead, they spat on me.
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I can still feel it searing.
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So, let's just see
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what the permanent record
has to say, shall we?
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00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:44,057
No detention, fairly good
attendance record...
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I see you beat that bed-wetting
problem in the second grade.
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That's in there?
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Don't worry.
They'll forget...
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00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:52,649
just like they forgot about me
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in that tiger cage
for 18 agonizing months.
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Every night I wake up screaming.
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Well, let's meet
your classmates.
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00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,454
Hey, Bart, was this thing
right about your test?
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To those who doubt the power
of the magic eight ball
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I say, behold my "F".
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Attention, class.
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I have a new student for you.
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00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,215
Great, another student.
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00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,133
Just keep packing them in,
Seymour.
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I think we should discuss
this later, Edna.
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00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,763
Now, it's never easy
to come to a new school,
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so let's make her feel
right at home.
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Please say a big
elementary school hello
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00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,395
to Samantha Stinky.
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(kids laughing)
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Stanky.
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Oh, right.
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How embarrassing for you.
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Well, good-bye.
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I'm sure this is
a little scary for you, dear.
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-Uh-huh.
-So, why don't you
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00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,617
stand up in front of the class
and tell us about yourself?
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I'll be grading you
on grammar and poise.
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We just moved here from Phoenix.
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00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,249
My dad's owns
a home security company.
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00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,584
He came to Springfield
because of its high crime rate
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and lackluster police force.
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All my friends
are back in Phoenix
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and this town has a weird smell
that you're all probably used to
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but I'm not.
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00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,637
It'll take you
about six weeks, dear.
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00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,598
Hey, Milhouse, would you
like a Wet Willie?
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Sure.
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Eww!
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(laughing)
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Victim number four.
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Hey, Louis, can I interest you
in a Wet Willie?
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LOUIS:
Sure... Aah!
101
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When I find out who
hit me with that ball
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I'm gonna tear them a new--
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Whoa!
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Class, in order to explain
why your hormones
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will soon make you
an easy target
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for every smooth-talking
lothario
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with his own car
and tight jeans,
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I will now show
a short sex education film.
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Ezekiel and Ishmael,
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in accordance with
your parents' wishes
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you may step out
into the hall
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and pray for our souls.
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Hello.
I'm actor Troy McClure.
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You kids might remember me
from such educational films
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as "Lead Paint:
Delicious but Deadly"
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and "Here Comes
the Metric System."
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I'm here to provide
the facts about sex
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in a frank and
straightforward manner.
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And now, here's...
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This is Fuzzy Bunny.
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About a year ago
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he noticed
his voice was changing,
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he had terrible acne,
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and had fur where
there was no fur before.
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He also noticed
Fluffy Bunny.
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Boring.
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TROY MCCLURE:
Fluffy and Fuzzy went to the park,
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the ice cream social,
the boat show,
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and various other
wholesome activities,
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and they never
ruined their fun
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by giving in to their
throbbing biological urges.
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Then came the big day.
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Fluffy and Fuzzy
got married.
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That night came
the honeymoon.
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♪♪ (funky, sexy jazz)
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ALL: Eww!
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She's faking it.
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The most satisfying
part of the night
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was knowing that
they waited.
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Nine months later
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Fluffy gave birth
to 14 beautiful bunnies.
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Eight survive.
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And now that you know
how it's done...
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don't do it.
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♪♪ (funky, sexy jazz)
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-Any questions?
-Mrs. Krabappel,
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how come you don't
live with Mr. Krabappel?
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Because Mr. Krabappel
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chased something small
and fluffy down a rabbit hole.
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How do we know
when we fall in love?
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Oh, don't you worry.
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Most of you
will never fall in love
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and marry out of fear
of dying alone.
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How would I go about creating
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a half man,
half monkey-type creature?
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I'm sorry,
that would be playing God.
157
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God, shmod--
I want my monkey man.
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(bell ringing)
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Uh... that's a nice dress.
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My dad makes me wear it.
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I hate it.
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Well, I hate it too.
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-Uh... can I walk you home?
-Okay.
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Everybody on.
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No shoving.
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Just kidding.
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You can shove all you want.
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Hey, wait, Otto man,
you can't leave.
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Milhouse isn't here yet.
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Sorry, Bart dude,
no time.
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My girlfriend's dancing topless
at the airport bar
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from 4:15 to 4:20.
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Hey, Bart.
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Milhouse, what
a pleasant surprise.
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Hi.
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Hey, what's with the skirt?
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I've brought friends
to this tree house before.
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Yeah, but never a girl.
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What if I want
to strut around nude?
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Maybe I should go.
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00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,129
No, that's okay,
you can stay.
182
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You can read comics with us.
183
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Let's see,
something for the lady...
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Ah-- "Radioactive Man
vs. The Swamp Hag".
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Got any girl comics
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like "Bonnie Crane,
Girl Attorney,"
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"Punkin and Dunkin,
the Twinkle Twins,"
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or "Li'l Knee Socks"?
189
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,775
No, but my sister's
got a wide selection
190
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of crappy comics.
191
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Eww!
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You guys want to see
something gross?
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(gasping)
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ANNOUNCER:
Tonight on Smartline:
195
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"I'm okay. You're too fat."
196
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Here's your host,
Kent Brockman.
197
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,885
Good evening.
198
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,888
Did you know that 34 million
American adults are obese?
199
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,765
Taken together
that excess blubber
200
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,059
could fill the Grand Canyon
two-fifths of the way up.
201
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,519
That may not sound
impressive
202
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,188
but keep in mind,
it is a very big canyon.
203
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,483
This sucks. Where's
that channel changer?
204
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,278
(grunting)
205
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,362
Oh.
206
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:32,405
I'll give it a chance.
207
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:33,906
Americans have grown up
208
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,783
with the image
of the jolly fat man--
209
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,243
Dom Deluise
210
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,036
Alfred Hitchcock,
and, of course,
211
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,329
Santa Claus.
212
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,956
But in real life
213
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,666
Santa would be suffering
from gall stones,
214
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,294
hypertension, impotence,
and diabetes.
215
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,218
Hmm.
216
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:05,521
I wish they had never
invented fried cheese.
217
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,983
We got to widen
the hole.
218
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:11,736
Make it snappy--
The chain's starting to give.
219
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:12,903
(chain creaking)
220
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,825
(labored breathing)
221
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,369
WOMAN: We take 18 ounces
of sizzling ground beef...
222
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,912
Ooh!
223
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,832
...and soak it
in rich creamery butter.
224
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:29,503
Then we top it off with
bacon, ham, and a fried egg.
225
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,340
We call it
The Good Morning burger.
226
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,342
(shuddering moan)
227
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,260
I've got to help him.
228
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,930
Okay, Milhouse,
229
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,807
I'll trade your
Carl Yastrzemski baseball card
230
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:45,603
for my Omar Vzocel.
Deal.
231
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,396
Next on the trading block,
your Mickey Mantle, 1958,
232
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,441
for my picture
of Homer on the couch.
233
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,319
Milhouse, I've got to go.
234
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:56,322
My dad thinks I'm having
my braces examined.
235
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:59,408
Well, you kind of
sort of are.
236
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,042
Milhouse, we're living
in the age of cooties.
237
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,044
I can't believe
the risk you're running.
238
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,588
Besides, what's so great
about kissing?
239
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,340
Bart, it's not
just the kissing.
240
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,759
A lot of it is
waiting to kiss.
241
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,512
You know, like when you
open an Eskimo Pie
242
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,473
and you wait just a
little bit for it to melt?
243
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:23,933
But she doesn't melt.
244
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,185
Oh, yes, she does.
245
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,979
WOMAN: We start with pure
milk chocolate...
246
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,314
Chocolate...
247
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,775
...add a layer
of farm-fresh honey...
248
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,777
Oh, sweet.
249
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,988
...then we sprinkle on
four kinds of sugar...
250
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,949
(ecstatic groan)
251
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,536
...and dip it
in rich creamery butter.
252
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,080
Dad, what if I told you
you could lose weight
253
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:48,958
without dieting
or lifting a finger?
254
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,543
I'd say you're
a lying scumbag.
255
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:51,752
Why, sweetie?
256
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,713
According to Eternity magazine
257
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,006
you can lose weight through
subliminal learning.
258
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,718
That's where an idea is
subtly implanted in your head
259
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,511
without you even knowing it.
260
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,972
Oh, Lisa, that's a load
of rich creamery butter.
261
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,682
They'll send you tapes
you listen to
262
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:05,933
while you sleep.
263
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,393
As you hear new age music,
264
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,603
a powerful message
goes to your brain
265
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,105
telling you to eat less.
266
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,608
Lose weight and listen
to new age music? Wow.
267
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,360
What do you think, Marge?
268
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:19,822
Oh, Homer, I love you
just the way you are.
269
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,615
Lisa, what's that number?
270
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:24,577
Operator, I'd like to place
an order for my husband.
271
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,912
Would he like to lose weight,
stop smoking,
272
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,541
learn the state capitals,
master hostage negotiations...
273
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,961
Hmm... hostage negotiations.
274
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:37,923
Listen, Tabbouleh, we're
ignoring all your demands.
275
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,717
What do you say to that?
276
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,802
(machine gun fire)
277
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,471
Better give me
the weight loss tape.
278
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,853
We're out of
"Subliminally Slim."
279
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:54,607
MAN: Eh... just send them
the vocabulary builder.
280
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,358
Here you go, fatso.
281
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,360
HOMER: So long, stomach.
282
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,946
We've had a lot
of great memories.
283
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,407
♪ Memories ♪
284
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:08,287
♪ Pressed between the pages
of my mind ♪
285
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,418
♪ Memories ♪
286
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:19,340
♪ Sweetened through the ages,
just like wine ♪
287
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,509
(yawning)
288
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:24,637
(snoring)
289
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,473
Hello. This is
Dr. Marvin Monroe.
290
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,517
Let's build your
vocabulary. "A."
291
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,393
Abattoir:
Slaughterhouse.
292
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,979
"The cow was slaughtered
in the abattoir."
293
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:39,276
(Homer munching)
294
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,196
Homer, has the weight loss tape
reduced your appetite?
295
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,489
Lamentably, no.
296
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:46,325
My gastronomic rapacity
knows no satiety.
297
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,999
Don't you usually play
with Milhouse after school?
298
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,459
He has a girlfriend.
299
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,878
Milhouse?
300
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,713
Yeah. All they do is kiss.
301
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:03,008
How cute.
302
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,009
They don't open
their mouths, do they?
303
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,010
No.
304
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,220
How cute.
305
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,689
-Hey, Martin.
-Bart?
306
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:19,316
This is the first time anyone
has ever sat next to me
307
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,860
since I successfully
lobbied
308
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,612
to have the school day
extended by 20 minutes.
309
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,114
Listen, Martin, right now
I'm looking for a friend
310
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,949
who won't leave me
for a girl.
311
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,577
That's me. I'm just as
unpopular with the ladies
312
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,495
as I am with the chaps.
313
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,913
Yeah, right.
314
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,498
Anyway, do you wanna do
something after school?
315
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,958
It's a date.
316
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,794
Everyone, Bart and I
would like to announce
317
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,170
that we are friends.
318
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,839
(loud laughter)
319
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,677
Now, Bart, would you care
to listen to me play the lute?
320
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,345
Uh... sure.
321
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:54,476
♪ Come home,
my bonny warrior ♪
322
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,980
♪ For now ♪
323
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,734
♪ The nets are
full o' fish ♪
324
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,527
MARGE: I don't know
if that tape is working.
325
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,487
You ate three desserts
tonight.
326
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,489
Forbearance is the watchword.
327
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,784
That triumvirate of Twinkies
merely overwhelmed my resolve.
328
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,704
There's another thing I've been
wanting to talk to you about.
329
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,289
Tut, tut, gentle Marge.
330
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,540
For here in the boudoir
331
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,709
the gourmand
metamorphosizes into...
332
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,169
the voluptuary!
333
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:22,713
(growls)
334
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:25,883
What in God's name
are you talking about?
335
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,176
Oh.
336
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,430
♪ The Itchy
& Scratchy show! ♪
337
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:36,435
♪♪ ("Wedding March")
338
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,228
Mmm...
339
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,605
(screams)
340
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,611
(laughing)
341
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,529
Heh...
342
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,530
(laughing)
343
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,328
Hey, guys.
344
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,996
Wow, that really
took my mind off
345
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,915
those awful,
transforming space mutants.
346
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,166
Good.
347
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,001
Man, I could sure go
for a snack.
348
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,002
Me too.
349
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,006
(screaming)
350
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:10,970
D'oh!
351
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,263
Hey, I've got an idea.
352
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,517
Why don't the three of us go
spit on the principal's car?
353
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,311
Listen, Bart,
there's such a thing
354
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,730
as spending
too much time together.
355
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,357
Oh, fine.
356
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,526
I'm tired of watching
you two lip wrestle.
357
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:28,445
There's plenty of other ways
to be grossed out in this town.
358
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,950
(sobbing)
359
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,159
-Bart, wait.
-Yeah?
360
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,452
Uh...
361
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,079
could we still use
your tree house?
362
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,956
What? Get bent.
363
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,834
If her father catches us,
he'll kill her.
364
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,544
All right, Milhouse.
365
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,170
You can use my tree house.
366
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,089
Thanks, Bart.
367
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,426
(singsongy)
Samantha and Milhouse sitting in a tree,
368
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,429
about to lose
their privacy.
369
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,389
(fiendish laughter)
370
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,437
(touch tones)
371
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,981
Now there's a
Machiavellian countenance.
372
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,483
Ooh, a sextet of ale!
373
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,069
Hello, Mr. Stanky?
374
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,071
I have some shocking news
about your daughter Samantha.
375
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,948
Who am I?
376
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,783
Let's just say I'm
a concerned prude
377
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,994
with a lot of time on his hands.
378
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,204
(kissing sounds)
379
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:22,458
I bet you had peanut butter
for breakfast.
380
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,751
(laughs)
381
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,419
Yeah.
382
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,754
-Samantha!
-Dad!
383
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,339
Noooooo!
384
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,301
Samantha, you're my little girl
385
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,553
and sometimes my imagination
runs away with me.
386
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,555
Just-- Just tell me
what happened.
387
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,557
-Well, Milhouse and I--
-That's enough!
388
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,143
I'm putting you in
an all-girl school.
389
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,812
You're never going to see
that boy again.
390
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,064
Milhouse!
391
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,940
Samantha!
392
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,444
(weeping)
393
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,404
Well, Milhouse, 'tis better
to have loved and lost...
394
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,655
yadda, yadda, yadda.
395
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,074
Let's go to the arcade.
396
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,492
How could this happen?
397
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,577
We started out
like Romeo and Juliet
398
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,413
but it ended up
in tragedy.
399
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,083
Hierospacy:
Predicting the future
400
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,502
through the study
of animal entrails.
401
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,629
Dad! Do you know
what today is?
402
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:09,880
The vernal equinox?
403
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,256
No, it's two weeks
404
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,217
since you got that
subliminal weight-loss tape.
405
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,885
Let's get you on the scale.
406
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,806
You've gained 13 pounds.
407
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,851
Disingenuous mountebanks with
their subliminal chicanery--
408
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,561
A pox on them!
409
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,233
There stands a broken man.
410
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:31,693
It's recess everywhere
but in his heart.
411
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,488
Hey, Bart, according
to this magazine
412
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,031
in another million years
413
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,825
man will have
an extra finger.
414
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,327
Five fingers?
Ooh-- Freak show!
415
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,205
Listen, Lis, I need some
advice and Mom's not here.
416
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,040
-Why didn't you go to Dad?
-I did,
417
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,375
but I couldn't understand
what the hell he was saying.
418
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,835
Lisa, I feel terrible.
419
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,670
I ratted on my best friend
420
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,463
and he doesn't even know
I did it.
421
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,049
Well, according to
Eternity magazine
422
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,467
the feeling of guilt
has been linked
423
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,636
to the neural-transmitter
gamephenomene.
424
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,263
Dow chemical is developing
a minty gel
425
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,265
which will eliminate
excess guilt,
426
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,766
but unfortunately
it won't be on the market
427
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,434
for another six months,
428
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,353
so I guess you're gonna
have to bite the bullet
429
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,272
and confess to Milhouse.
430
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,065
(groans)
431
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,109
Bart, I'm glad you're here.
432
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,403
Milhouse could use
a friend like you.
433
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,822
(nervous laugh)
434
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,240
(sobbing)
435
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,700
Milhouse?
436
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:22,161
Bart, I didn't want you
to see me cry.
437
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,370
Oh, come on.
438
00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:24,538
I've seen you cry
a million times.
439
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,081
You cry when
you scrape your knee.
440
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,875
You cry when they're out
of chocolate milk.
441
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,293
You cry when you're doing
long division
442
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,794
and you have
a remainder left over.
443
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:34,590
Well, I didn't want you
to see me cry this time.
444
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,092
Listen, Milhouse, I got
a confession to make.
445
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,678
I'm the one who narked
on your kissing.
446
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:40,804
What?!
447
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,014
(growling)
448
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:43,974
(grunting)
449
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,645
Milhouse is out of bed
and full of beans.
450
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,397
Whoa, it's a miracle!
451
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:00,824
(groans)
452
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:03,952
(both gasping)
453
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,288
Well, I bet the eight ball
didn't see that one coming.
454
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,956
Yeah.
455
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,917
Marge...
456
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,251
where's that...
457
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,419
metal dealie...
458
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,046
you use to...
459
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,757
dig... food?
460
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:17,883
You mean, a spoon?
461
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,593
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
462
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,553
(loud chomping)
463
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:22,596
Oh, this is good.
464
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:25,390
(children laughing)
465
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,809
Are you sure
you want to do this?
466
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,978
I can't stop thinking
about her.
467
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,814
Even these gates remind me
of her braces.
468
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,025
BART: How are we gonna
find her?
469
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:37,277
MILHOUSE: She said she'd be
wearing a plaid jumper.
470
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,654
Milhouse!
471
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:39,988
Samantha!
472
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,284
I went to Circus of Values
473
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,203
and bought you a ten-gallon tub
of gummi bears.
474
00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:47,537
(grunts)
475
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,248
Hey, Samantha,
I'm sorry about
476
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,083
getting you thrown
in the penguin house.
477
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,334
That's all right, Bart.
478
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,961
I love Saint Sebastian's.
479
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,797
It's run by a group of
French Canadian nuns.
480
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,633
They're very nice except
they never let me out.
481
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:06,265
♪♪ (singing "Dominique"
in French)
482
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:09,184
Samantha,
ne pas des boys.
483
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,436
(ringing)
484
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,190
I have to go now,
Milhouse.
485
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:17,985
I'd better not.
486
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,695
It's 50 rosaries
a kiss.
487
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,738
Oh, okay.
488
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,573
Oh, what the heck.
489
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:31,748
Bart, think I can ever find
another one like her?
490
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,333
You're asking
the wrong guy, Milhouse.
491
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,502
They all look alike to me.
492
00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,587
Now, let's go whip donuts
at old people.
493
00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:49,266
♪♪
494
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,661
Shh!
495
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:58,168
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.