1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,422 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,177 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,345 (tires screech) 4 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:15,682 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,059 -Aah! -(tires screech) 6 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,033 ♪♪ 7 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,456 Tonight on Eye on Springfield, 8 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,332 just miles from your doorstep, 9 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,085 hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. 10 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,004 The government calls it the Army. 11 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,298 But a more alarmist name would be: 12 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,091 The Kill-bot Factory-- 13 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,844 But first, Springfield has come down with a fever, 14 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,471 football fever, 15 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,806 brought on by the biggest game of the year. 16 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,641 The pigskin classic between the Shelbyville Sharks 17 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,019 and our own Springfield Atoms. 18 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,354 If you have the fever, there's only one cure: 19 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,733 Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning. 20 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,735 ANNOUNCER: Warning: Tickets should not be taken internally. 21 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:11,696 See? Because of me, now they have a warning. 22 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,656 Hey, Dad, sell you these for 50 bucks. 23 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,493 -Whoo-hoo! Sold! -(door slams) 24 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,578 Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer. 25 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,663 What do you mean? It says right here: 26 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:24,292 "Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center." 27 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:28,171 Why, you little-- Hmm. Free wig. 28 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,799 (humming) 29 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:34,302 (imitating Marge) I love you, Homie. Mmm. 30 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,888 (chuckling) I don't need her at all anymore. 31 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,641 (chattering) 32 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,898 (snoring) 33 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,859 (yawns) 34 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,112 (chuckling) I did it. Second in line. 35 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,197 And all I had to do was miss eight days of work. 36 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,615 With the money you would have made working, 37 00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:56,908 you could've bought tickets from a scalper. 38 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,701 In theory, yes. Jerk. 39 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,704 -(yelps) -Give me, uh, 30,000 tickets. 40 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,749 That'll be $950,000 please. 41 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,960 Look, the thing about that is I only got $10 on me. 42 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,378 -Can I pay you the rest later? -Sure. 43 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,133 Ohh. 44 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,095 MAN: ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 45 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:21,099 (fingers snapping) 46 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,517 RADIO DJ: That was Bobby McFerrin's new one, 47 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,561 "I'm Worried, Need Money." 48 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,147 Okay, if you want two tickets to the big pigskin classic-- 49 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,773 -(pig snorting) -(DJ laughing) 50 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,151 Just get to a phone and be our 13th caller. 51 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,695 Get tickets! Must get tickets! Find phone! Yes! 52 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,701 Ho-ho. Stupid sheep. 53 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,329 -(Homer shouting) -(tires deflating) 54 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,789 DJ: Still waiting for that caller. 55 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,416 (whimpering) 56 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,418 Oh, we have a winner! What's your name, sir? 57 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,836 NED: Ned Flanders. 58 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,963 Oh, not Flanders. Anybody but Flanders. 59 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:55,341 NED: Oh, golly. If that doesn't put the "Shaz" In "Shazam." 60 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,302 Oh, listen. What's the cash value of those tickets 61 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,511 so I can report it on my income tax? 62 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,221 (groans, shrieks) 63 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,766 ♪ I've got two tickets to paradise ♪ 64 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,520 ♪ Won't you pack your bags we'll leave tonight ♪ 65 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,899 ♪ I've got two tickets to paradise ♪ 66 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:15,862 ♪ I've got two tickets to paradise ♪ 67 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:21,576 (imitating guitar riff) 68 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,000 Excellent guitar riff. 69 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,047 Why am I such a loser? Why? 70 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,508 Well, your father was a loser, and his father, and his father. 71 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,969 It's genetic, man. D'oh! 72 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,138 What's so special about this game anyway? 73 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,890 It's just another chapter in the pointless rivalry 74 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:46,267 between Springfield and Shelbyville. 75 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:49,229 They built a mini-mall, so we built a bigger mini-mall. 76 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,438 They made the world's largest pizza, 77 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,774 so we burnt down their city hall. 78 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,692 (chuckles) 79 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,362 Yeah, they swore they'd get us back by spiking our water supply. 80 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,739 But they didn't have the guts. 81 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:06,037 Ohh, the walls are melting again. 82 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,039 (chuckling) 83 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,166 Personally I think I'm overdone. 84 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,631 God, if you really are God, 85 00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:18,299 you'll get me tickets to that game. 86 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,176 (doorbell rings) 87 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,761 Hidilly-ho, neighbor. 88 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,930 Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tickets. 89 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,641 (grunts) Why do you mock me, O Lord? 90 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,434 Homer, that's not God. 91 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,603 That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. 92 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:35,900 Mmm. I know I shouldn't eat thee, but-- 93 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:40,571 (growling) Mmm. "Sacrilicious." 94 00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:44,617 (doorbell chimes) 95 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,369 -MARGE: Homer! -Huh? 96 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,371 Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders with that pipe 97 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,872 and take his tickets? 98 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,874 Ye-- No. 99 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,960 -Hmm? -Oh. 100 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:57,755 Flanders, I decided I'd like to go to the game with you. 101 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,759 (chuckles) Well, get out the Crayolas and color me tickled pink. 102 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,303 Ooh, what's with the lead pipe? 103 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,096 Were you gonna give my noggin a floggin'? 104 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,556 Well, yeah. (chuckles) 105 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:07,598 (laughs) 106 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,810 (chattering) 107 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,604 (gasps) Duck! 108 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,023 I can't let the boys see me with you! 109 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:17,442 -What? (grunts) -Hi. 110 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,194 Hey! Look, Homer's got one of those robot cars. 111 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,196 (crashes) 112 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,365 One of those American robot cars. 113 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,161 Men, there's a little crippled boy 114 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:31,748 sitting in the hospital who wants you to win this game. 115 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:35,877 I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you. 116 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,337 Well, I hope they win, 117 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,006 or Mr. Burns said he's coming back. 118 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,970 Wow! These are amazing seats, huh, Homer? 119 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,306 Yeah. 120 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,852 Hey, everybody! Here comes fun! 121 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,854 (chuckles) Ow! 122 00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:57,940 I'll take two dogs, two sodas, 123 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,026 and, uh, two ice cream bars. 124 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,743 What the hell happened to my dogs? 125 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,620 I want answers. 126 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,749 Well, I guess I should pay my share. 127 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,334 (chuckling) Relax, Homer. 128 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:18,920 I keep telling you. You're my guest. 129 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,589 Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! 130 00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,633 Thanks, ned. 131 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,930 ♪ Nacho, nacho man ♪ 132 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:32,100 ♪ I want to be a nacho man ♪ 133 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:35,603 (crowd cheering) 134 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,527 Blue 27 on three. 135 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:46,030 If anyone can pull it off, it's Stan "The Boy" Taylor! 136 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,491 (muttering) 137 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,785 Stan, Stan, he's our boy. 138 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:53,413 If he can't do it, no one... 139 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,997 will. 140 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,749 Hut! 141 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,043 (grunting) 142 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,551 (blowing whistle) 143 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,052 We won! We won, Flanders! 144 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,345 We won! 145 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,888 Whoo! (kissing) 146 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,807 (murmuring) 147 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,684 (chuckling) Yeah. 148 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,394 Losers! Losers! 149 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:19,814 Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville! 150 00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:22,859 Whoo! Ha-ha! I am invincible! 151 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,027 Invincible! You're-- 152 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,238 Ow! Oh! 153 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,699 (chattering) 154 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:32,493 Hey, somebody sign an autograph. 155 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:35,037 Please, somebody. Sign an autograph? 156 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,623 Hey, would you sign-- You fat, stupid jerks! 157 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,959 -Hmm? -It was him! 158 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:42,670 Ned? Is that-- Ned Flanders? 159 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,714 Hidilly-ho, Stanster. 160 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,008 You know Stan Taylor? 161 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:49,260 Know me? Ned Flanders saved me. 162 00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:52,555 I used to party all night and sleep with lingerie models 163 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,223 until Ned and his bible group 164 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,559 showed me that I could have more. 165 00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,396 Professional athletes-- Always wantin' more. 166 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,316 Ned, they gave me the game ball. I want you to have it. 167 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,485 -(gasps) -Stan, tell you what. 168 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,695 Homer Simpson here is just about the biggest Atom fan 169 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,530 that's ever graced God's green earth. 170 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,574 I bet he'd enjoy it even more than me. 171 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,784 Sure. Anything for Neddy. Here you go. 172 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,078 Wow, thanks. 173 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,081 Now I have four children. 174 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,251 You will be called "Stitchface." 175 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:26,422 Wow, Flanders. This is about the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 176 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,718 Ooh, I guess it's time for me to duck again. 177 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:33,638 No! I want everyone to know that 178 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:36,641 this is Ned Flanders, my friend! 179 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,476 -What did he say? -I don't know. 180 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,852 Something about being gay. 181 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,737 Homer, that's our wedding photo. 182 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,280 Marge, quit living in the past. 183 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,074 (groans) 184 00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:55,034 Heydilly-ho, window buddy. Just wondering if you'd like 185 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,994 to come over and give the new pool table a whirl. 186 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,412 I'll be there. 187 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,207 And this time you can be the nacho man. 188 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,754 Dad and Ned Flanders friends? Heh. What's next? 189 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,798 A's on Bart's report card? 190 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,387 Hey! 191 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,684 Uh, be careful there, Homer. That is sort of a new table. 192 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:20,810 (chuckles) 193 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,228 Watch this, Ned. 194 00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:24,230 They don't call me Springfield Fats 195 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,107 just because I'm morbidly obese. 196 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,985 (gasps) 197 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,945 Now you got a lawsuit on your hands. 198 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,697 Just kidding. 199 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:36,450 -What's wrong, Jeremiah? -It's not fair. 200 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,203 My brother Joseph has a sin to confess. 201 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,205 I wish I had one too. 202 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:45,167 Oh, don't you see? You do have a sin to confess. 203 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,670 The sin of envy. 204 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:51,132 (bleating) 205 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:52,675 That's all well and good for sheep, 206 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,760 but what are we to do? 207 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:55,886 Boring! Let's watch something else. 208 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,346 Aww! 209 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,973 Now, boys. 210 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:01,434 Mr. Simpson is the guest. He gets to decide what to watch. 211 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,519 -Yeah. -(clicking remote control) 212 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,982 Hey, what gives? I thought you had a satellite dish. 213 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:12,153 Sure didilly do. Over 230 channels locked out. 214 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,196 Okay, boys, time for bed. Say good night. 215 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,992 Good night, Daddy! Good night, Uncle Homer! 216 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,827 Oh, Uncle Homer. 217 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,372 Ned, since you've let me spend time with your family, 218 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,334 I want you to get to know my family. 219 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:32,923 -Hey, everyone! -Hey. 220 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:36,177 I'd like to introduce Ned Flanders, my best friend. 221 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:40,056 Hey, I don't want no people in here with their "Evils of alcohol" Rap. 222 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:45,186 Wait a second. You're the man at the hospital who reads to sick children. 223 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:51,150 "And truly, she was my friend Flicka." (sniffs) 224 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,110 -(gasps) -If this gets out, the next words you say 225 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,571 will be muffled by your own butt! 226 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,114 (tires screech) 227 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,783 Honey, I'm so glad you're home. 228 00:10:58,866 --> 00:10:59,992 Can't talk. See Flanders. 229 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,995 -Later sex. -(groaning) 230 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,247 Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, 231 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,416 the middleman who jacked up the price. 232 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,126 And let's not forget the humane but determined boys 233 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,461 over at the slaughterhouse. 234 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,463 Hiya, Flanders. Ooh, dinner. 235 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,507 May I join you? (grunts) 236 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,011 -(gasps) -Mmm. 237 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,055 (gasps) 238 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:22,515 (chuckling) Homer, I'd love to chitty-chat, 239 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,558 but tonight's the night I do my charity work. 240 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,186 Uh, yeah. A judge made me do that once too. 241 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:29,188 Stupid lack of public urinals. 242 00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,108 Hey, just so you don't have to suffer alone, 243 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,192 I'm coming with you! 244 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,986 Oh-- Heh, well-- 245 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,864 (chuckles) That sounds super duper. 246 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,039 Oh, you poor, unfortunate man. 247 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,375 Let's get you out of those clothes immediately. 248 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,877 And we'll do whatever we can about the smell. 249 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,046 But I-- All right. 250 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:58,801 Oh, come on! We've been here for 15 minutes. 251 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:01,220 Can't you see they're sucking the life out of us? 252 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:04,849 Homer, maybe you'd have more fun at Moe's tonight. 253 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:08,227 Ah, for some reason, Moe's always closed on Wednesdays. 254 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,814 "And then they realized they were no longer little girls. 255 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:16,026 They were little women." (sniffs) 256 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,992 Come on. Come on! 257 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,535 Just give 'em the slop and let's get out of here. 258 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,537 Oh, I can do it faster than that! 259 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,707 Mmm, mmm. Mmm, mmm. Mmm, mmm. 260 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,792 Wow! Look at that enthusiasm! 261 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,294 This is front-page material. 262 00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,467 Homie, I'm very proud of you. 263 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:42,303 But don't you think you're spending too much time with Ned? 264 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,472 Your family needs you too. 265 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,265 Oh, of course you'd say something like that, Marge. 266 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,350 You've hated Ned for years. 267 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,936 In fact, you wanted to bash his head in with a pipe. 268 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,313 That was you! 269 00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:55,107 Love, Marge. Don't hate. Love. 270 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,151 The Flanders are a bunch of geeks, man. 271 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,278 The "Flandereses" are not geeks! 272 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,530 Okay. Rod and Todd are. And the wife has a thing for me. 273 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,283 But she hides it behind a mask of low-key hostility. 274 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,577 But we've got to give this thing a chance. 275 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:10,915 I want the two families to take a trip together this weekend. 276 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,500 -No way, Jose. -Yes way. 277 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,502 Don't worry, Bart. It seems like every week 278 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,545 something odd happens to the Simpsons. 279 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,297 My advice is to ride it out, 280 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,090 make an occasional smart-aleck quip, 281 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,218 and by next week, we'll be back to where we started from, 282 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,886 ready for another wacky adventure. 283 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,347 -Ay, caramba! -That's the spirit. 284 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,308 Don't worry. 285 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,477 I brought my "Rappin' Ronnie Reagan" tape. 286 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,896 It always makes the trip go faster. 287 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,815 ♪ Well, well, well ♪ 288 00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:38,108 ♪ W-w-w-w-w-w-well, well, well♪ 289 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:40,486 (chuckling) You know something? 290 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,947 He did say "well" A lot. 291 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,783 ♪ Well, well, well w-w-well, w-w-well ♪ 292 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:50,538 ♪ Well, well, w-w-w-well well, well, well, well ♪ 293 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,873 More. No, no, keep going. 294 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,544 More. More. Right there. Let her go. 295 00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:01,507 Okay, let's go boating! 296 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:05,845 -How are my boys doin', Homer? -They're fine. 297 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:09,807 There. I hope the children enjoy my special fruit punch. 298 00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,476 We got the recipe from the fruit punch advisory board. 299 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,396 Oh, gosh. I'm sorry. Our boys don't eat sugar. 300 00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:18,274 But why would the advisory board give us bad advice? 301 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,402 -No sugar! -(both groaning) 302 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:24,238 Thank you, but we're not allowed. 303 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:27,449 Ah, it's okay. There's no sugar in pixie sticks. 304 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,535 -Trust me. -Okay. Hmm. 305 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,248 -Don't hog it all, smelly head! -Go to hell, zit face! 306 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:37,501 -Give me that sugar cane! -(both groaning) 307 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,378 (cackling) 308 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,632 I'd like to propose a toast to the coming together 309 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:47,094 of the Simpsons and the Flanders. 310 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,263 If this were a more perfect world, 311 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:52,266 we'd all be known as the Flimpsons. 312 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:56,896 So here's to my best friend, Ned. 313 00:14:56,979 --> 00:15:00,524 (sighs) Well, sir, 314 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:03,068 my entire family is very touched and-- 315 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,863 -Food fight! -BART: Yeah! 316 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:06,864 HOMER: ♪ Da-na-na na-na-na-na, na-na ♪ 317 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,282 Mmm. 318 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:09,867 (all shouting) 319 00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:12,745 (grunting) 320 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,415 -Whatcha doin'? -We're headin' back. 321 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,542 Todd's got Zesty Italian in his eye. 322 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:22,421 Okay. But at least let me take the boat out for one last spin. 323 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:25,007 -Oh, I don't know. -Too late! 324 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:28,761 (groans) Oh, Lord, please give me the strength 325 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:31,013 to endure Homer Simpson's friendship. 326 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,557 -(boat engine revving) -(Homer shouting) 327 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,767 (crashes) 328 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,561 Hmm, your car. 329 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,648 Boy, what are the odds, huh? (chuckling) 330 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,651 Cheers to Homer Simpson for all his recent charity work! 331 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:44,735 ALL: Yea! 332 00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:45,778 (grunting) 333 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,655 Jeers to this rusty tailgate. 334 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:50,491 (whistling hymn) 335 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,004 There's Homer. There's Homer too. 336 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,464 (screaming) 337 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:07,383 That's also Homer. That's Homer! 338 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,969 Huh? (groans) 339 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,721 -(shouts) -What's the matter, Ned? 340 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,599 I-- I think I hate Homer Simpson. 341 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:16,767 (gasps) 342 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,060 (yells) 343 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:22,356 Marge, I think I hate Ted Koppel. 344 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:25,734 No, wait. I find him informative and witty. 345 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,611 Night. (snoring) 346 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:34,368 -Off the rim! -Oh! Almost. 347 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,703 Boy, that was close. 348 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,705 Hey, what's up for today, Neddy? 349 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,707 Uh-- (sighs) 350 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,292 Ah, Homer, we're gonna visit the boys' grandmother. 351 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,836 Family only, you know? 352 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,671 -Right. No reporters. -(Ned sighs) 353 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,966 No. I-- I-- I mean just the Flanders family. 354 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,428 Oh, okay. 355 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,516 Oh, boy! Grandma! 356 00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,768 -We're not going anywhere. -But you said-- 357 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,272 Uh, sometimes to keep from hurting someone's feelings, 358 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,649 we have to say things that aren't exactly-- 359 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,609 Lies make baby Jesus cry. 360 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:10,112 (sighs) 361 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:16,160 Neddy! Neddy! 362 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:19,163 Let's get in a quick nine down at the Pitch 'n' Putt. 363 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,582 (engine revving, tires screeching) 364 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:24,543 Neddy! Neddy! 365 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:27,087 -(groaning) -He's gaining on us! 366 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:29,006 -I'm scared! -(crying) 367 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,591 Come on, Ned! Move this thing! 368 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,135 I can't! It's a Geo! 369 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,387 (grunting) 370 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,432 (screaming) 371 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,102 -(groaning) -(groaning) 372 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,395 (groaning) 373 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,397 Hmm. I guess he didn't see me. 374 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,441 We did it! We got rid of-- 375 00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:50,569 (siren blaring) 376 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,739 (chuckling) I told you, officer. 377 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,658 I'm not hepped up on goofballs. 378 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,702 Yeah, right. 379 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:02,498 Ned Flanders. I never would have imagined. 380 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:06,085 (gasping) 381 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,253 Oh-- Oh-- Ah-- 382 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,588 Oh-- Oof! 383 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:12,341 High as a kite, everybody! Goofballs! 384 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,471 Yeah, where's your messiah now, Flanders? Ah. 385 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:21,266 (bells tolling) 386 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,186 Oh, I can't do it, Maude. 387 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,522 I can't face their accusing eyes. 388 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,357 Oh, don't worry, Ned. 389 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,193 This is a house of love and forgiveness. 390 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,697 -There he is, Ned Flanders. -The fallen one. 391 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,698 The evil one. 392 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,534 I bet he's the one that wrote "Homer" all over the bathroom. 393 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,078 Oh, I think we should leave. 394 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:45,582 Hey, Flanders, over here! I got us some kick-ass seats! 395 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,210 (moans) 396 00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,257 (clearing throat) 397 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:56,301 Before I get started on today's sermon, entitled 398 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,846 "What Ned did," 399 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:03,350 I'd like to publicly congratulate Homer Simpson on his recent charity work. 400 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,602 -(applauding) -(kissing) 401 00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,604 I live to give. 402 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:08,564 (moans) 403 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,774 That's beautiful. We appreciate the kisses. 404 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:16,113 Now, let us bow our heads in a silent prayer of thanksgiving. 405 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:23,495 (nose whistling) 406 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,042 (whistling continues) 407 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,549 Stop it! Breathe through your damn mouth! 408 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,176 -Oh! -(gasping) 409 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,802 Oh, can't you see this man isn't a hero? 410 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:42,556 He's annoying. He's very, very annoying! 411 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,516 Well, Ned Flanders is just jealous. 412 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,102 Ah, the guy's hepped up on goofballs. 413 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:51,356 Let's sacrifice him to our god! 414 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,525 Come on. We did it all the time in the '30s. 415 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:57,154 (chattering) 416 00:19:57,237 --> 00:20:00,908 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 417 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:01,950 (gasps) 418 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:05,537 How dare you talk about Ned Flanders like that. 419 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,749 He's a wonderful, kind, caring man. 420 00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,501 Maybe even more so than me. 421 00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,421 There have been times when I lost patience with him, 422 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,423 even lashed out at him, 423 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:21,553 but this man has turned every cheek on his body. 424 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,723 If everyone here were like Ned Flanders, 425 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,184 there'd be no need for heaven. 426 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,186 We'd already be there. 427 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,105 (group sighs) 428 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,943 (clears throat) Um-- 429 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,738 Well, I think we all owe Ned a heartfelt apology. 430 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:42,032 We were wrong to doubt him. 431 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,243 -Hey, that guy's right! -Yeah. 432 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,913 (chattering) 433 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,207 That was a very nice thing you did, Homie. 434 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:55,796 (sniffs) Thank you. 435 00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,465 Thank you so much, Homer. 436 00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:01,969 You really are a-- (sniffs) 437 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,681 -You're a true friend. -Right back at ya, buddy. 438 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:09,184 (moans) Now, how about that game at the Pitch 'N' Putt? 439 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,144 Just try and stop me. 440 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:14,189 I don't get it, Lise. You said everything would be back to normal. 441 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,608 But Homer and Flanders are still friends. 442 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:20,737 Yeah. Maybe this means the end of our wacky adventures. 443 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,201 Guess what, everyone! 444 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:27,661 My great-uncle Boris died 445 00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:29,413 and left us his old country house! 446 00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:32,249 There's only one catch. They say it's haunted. 447 00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:33,792 But I'm sure we can prove 'em wrong 448 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,086 by spending the weekend there. 449 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:39,089 -Hididilly-ho, neighbor! -Get lost, Flanders. 450 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,133 Okilly-dokilly. 451 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,636 (both sigh) 452 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,639 -(wolf howling) -(bat screeching) 453 00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:51,518 HOMER: See, I told ya. There's nothin' to worry about. 454 00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:54,813 -This place isn't-- -(Simpsons scream) 455 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,283 Shh! 456 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:54,081 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.