1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:05,880
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
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(bell ringing)
3
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D'oh!
4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,726
-Aah!
-(tires screech)
5
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All right, I raise a quarter.
6
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-I'm out.
-I'm out.
7
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I'm out.
(groans)
8
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Homer, you want
any cards? Homer!
9
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(gagging)
10
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(grunts)
Whoo.
11
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Don't try to eat
these so-called "chips."
12
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Do you want another
card or not?
13
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,424
Huh? Oh okay.
I'll take three.
14
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,676
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
15
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Uh, I mean, whoo-hoo.
16
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I'm in.
Let's see your cards.
17
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-Oh, I was bluffing.
-(laughs)
18
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Come to papa!
Wait a minute.
19
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,856
You have
a straight flush, homer!
20
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G'oh! You do this every time, ya--
Oh, you--
21
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(gagging)
Chokin' on my own rage, here.
22
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Hey, don't yell at Homer
just 'cause he's a little slow.
23
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(gasps)
24
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Something was said. Not good.
25
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What was it?
"Don't yell at Homer"!
26
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No, that's okay.
What was it?
27
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"Slow."
They called you "Slow"!
28
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How dare you call me that?
I-- Huh?
29
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Hey, Homer, you still here?
Boy, you are slow.
30
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(gasps)
Something said. Not good.
31
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Get the hell out of here.
32
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-(kick lands)
-(door slams)
33
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(all chewing loudly)
34
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So anyhoo, last night
we're playin' poker, right?
35
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As usual, I'm winning
and not realizing it.
36
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And Lenny says that
I'm, uh-- (chuckles)
37
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Get this--
(laughing)
38
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"A little slow"!
(laughing loudly)
39
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How come you're not laughing?
Do you think I'm slow?
40
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-Buh.
-Snuh.
41
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(groans)
We don't think you're slow,
42
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:15,844
but on the other hand,
it's not like you go to museums
43
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or read books or anything.
44
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You think I don't want to?
45
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:22,809
It's those TV networks, Marge.
They won't let me.
46
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,727
One quality show
after another,
47
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,814
each one fresher and more
brilliant than the last.
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If they only stumbled once,
49
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,694
just gave us 30 minutes
to ourselves.
50
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But they won't!
They won't let me live!
51
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(sobbing)
52
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Oh, who am I kidding?
53
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,204
-I am slow.
-Oh, Homey.
54
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If you feel so bad
about yourself,
55
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,834
there's always things
you can do to feel better.
56
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Take another bath
in malt liquor?
57
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,420
There's that.
58
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,173
Or you could take
an adult education course.
59
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,842
Oh, and how is "education"
60
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,802
supposed to make
me feel smarter?
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Besides, every time I learn
something new,
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it pushes some old stuff
out of my brain.
63
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Remember when I took that home wine-making
course and I forgot how to drive?
64
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That's because
you were drunk!
65
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,606
And how.
66
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One way to drive
your man wild
67
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is to wear tight,
revealing clothes.
68
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ALL: Eww!
69
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At this point
I'd like to remind you,
70
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there are no refunds.
71
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All right,
here's the 411, folks.
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00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,885
Say some gangsta
is dissin' your fly girl.
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Ya just give' em
one of these.
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(hip-hop plays)
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♪ Ooh, eh, ah, ooh ♪
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(students
protesting)
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(chewing, humming, spits)
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(pings)
79
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You see, that ping sound
means the spit was on target.
80
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-Now you try.
-(spitting)
81
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-(moans)
-Gettin' better.
82
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,912
Wait a minute.
Even Lenny is teaching a class.
83
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:08,539
Look at the way they admire
and adore him.
84
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(simpering sounds)
85
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:15,213
That's it. If he can teach a class,
he can teach a class!
86
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,382
I mean, I can teach a class!
87
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,635
What is your area
of expertise?
88
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,387
Well, I can tell
the difference between butter
89
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,846
and "I Can't Believe
it's Not Butter."
90
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,474
No, you can't, Mr. Simpson.
No one can.
91
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,309
Oh, I failed again.
92
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,478
Everybody can teach
a class but me.
93
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:33,690
I'm an idiot. What am I gonna
tell my wife and kids?
94
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,692
-Oh, you're married?
-That depends.
95
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,944
Is there another way
to get this job?
96
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,862
No. Mr. Simpson,
97
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,198
what I mean is we may have
a job for you after all.
98
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:45,201
We need someone to teach a course on
how to build a successful marriage.
99
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I'll do it!
100
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,121
Anything to get me
out of that house,
101
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away from all
that nagging and noise,
102
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uh, of a family of love.
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♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
104
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(children chewing loudly)
105
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Look, everyone.
106
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,261
Now that I'm a teacher, I've
sewed patches on my elbows.
107
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:06,639
Homer, that's supposed
to be leather patches
108
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on a tweed blazer,
not the other way around.
109
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You've ruined
a perfectly good jacket.
110
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Ah, incorrect, Marge--
Two perfectly good jackets.
111
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I think it's great
you're a teacher, Dad.
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So, will you be lecturing
from a standardized text
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or using the more
Socratic method
114
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of interactive
class participation?
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Yes, Lisa.
Daddy's a teacher.
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(doorbell rings)
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(chuckles) Oh, Homer.
What a pleasant--
118
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Can't talk now, Flanders.
I've got a class to teach.
119
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But you rang my--
120
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BOY:
Can I take your order?
121
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Nothing for me today.
122
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I've got a class to teach.
123
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Sir, it's a felony
to tease the order box.
124
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-(tires squealing)
-It's all right. I'm a teacher!
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(gasps) I didn't know
we could do that.
126
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-(tires squealing)
-(clamoring)
127
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(scraping on blackboard,
students protesting)
128
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,497
All right. The first thing
they told me to do
129
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was to make sure everyone here
is in the right class.
130
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(sputters)
131
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Down the hall, room 12.
132
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MAN (with mouth full):
Thank you.
133
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Ew.
134
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,005
Okay. Let's get started.
135
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Uh, um...
136
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,553
uh-h-h-m...
137
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,846
hmm--
138
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(whispers)
139
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No talking.
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(clears throat)
Uh--
141
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:37,939
Hmm.
142
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,692
Hmm. Oh.
143
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,612
Hmm. No.
144
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,489
Uh--
(smacks lips)
145
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,116
Hmm.
146
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,451
Um, how about if we tell you
147
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,412
our problems
with relationships.
148
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,498
Yeah. Yeah!
That'll eat up some time.
149
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:59,377
Um, how about you, Otto?
150
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:03,297
Oh, my standards
are just too high, you know?
151
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,716
I feel like nobody's
good enough for me.
152
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:09,262
Whoa. You think
you got 'em all,
153
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,055
but you forget about the eggs.
154
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,141
My problem is
I'm a real user of women.
155
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,352
I move in right away and
stay until the money's gone.
156
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,480
Well, I'm a smart woman,
but I make bad choices.
157
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,817
-(whispering)
-(giggling)
158
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,695
Okay. Here's a set of house keys
and my A.T.M. Card.
159
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,947
Um, I was married once,
but, uh,
160
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I just didn't know
how to keep it together.
161
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(sobs)
Come on, Waylon.
162
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,124
Make love to me
the way you used to.
163
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,584
No.
164
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,003
It's that horrible
Mr. Burns, isn't it?
165
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,714
You leave Mr. Burns
out of this!
166
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(yells)
167
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BURNS: Smithers!
168
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,015
Smithers!
169
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,767
Mmm.
170
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,227
Ooh, Mr. Simpson,
are you listening?
171
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,813
-(chewing loudly)
-Simpson!
172
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,399
Huh? Yeah, I was listening.
Very funny.
173
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,360
Oh, ya were not.
You were just eatin' a damn orange.
174
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,904
Oh, yes, yes.
175
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,072
To the untrained eye,
I'm eating an orange,
176
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,241
but to the eye that has brains,
177
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,243
I'm making a point
about marriage.
178
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:18,706
For you see, marriage
is a lot like an orange.
179
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,791
First you have the skin,
180
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then the sweet,
sweet innards.
181
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:25,630
(chewing loudly)
182
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,719
I don't understand.
183
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,304
If I wanted to see
a man eat an orange,
184
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I would have taken
the orange-eating class.
185
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:39,727
The eating of an orange is
a lot like a good marriage.
186
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Just eat the damn oranges!
187
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,565
(students muttering)
188
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,900
This is terrible.
189
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:47,026
MRS. KRABAPPEL:
Ah! We're leaving.
190
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,694
Ach, let's get out of here.
191
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,821
This is a terrible excuse
for education.
192
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,908
Oh, I told Marge this wouldn't
work the other night in bed.
193
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,743
-In bed? Well.
-What?
194
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:59,539
So somethin' wasn't workin' in bed, huh?
Heh, heh, heh.
195
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,666
No, that's not what I meant.
196
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,293
Marge and I always
talk things over in bed.
197
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,337
Like the other night,
we were fighting about money.
198
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,755
Ooh, a fight.
199
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,841
Trouble in paradise, huh?
Heh, heh, heh.
200
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,469
I was telling Marge
that we could save some money
201
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,930
if she only dyed her hair
once a month.
202
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,807
-(gasps) Marge dyes her hair?
-Oh, yeah.
203
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,018
She's been as gray as a mule
since she was 17.
204
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,937
Ooh.
Come on. Tell us more.
205
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,147
WILLIE: Tell us about it.
206
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,776
I went on for hours, and they
were hanging on my every word.
207
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,237
-I really think I was born to teach.
-(tires screech)
208
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,156
All right, Simpson.
You were warned about teasing the box.
209
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,199
(screams)
210
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,453
BOY: Wait! I need closure
on that anecdote.
211
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,627
(cash register beeping)
212
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,299
Oh, Mrs. Simpson,
it may interest you to know,
213
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,468
we are having a sale
on blue dye number 52.
214
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,554
It is your hair color,
I believe.
215
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,681
Whatever do you mean?
216
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,809
I don't dye my hair.
(forced laughing)
217
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,436
Nah, nah, nah.
You got it wrong, 'Pu.
218
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,021
She's blue 56.
219
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,647
I don't know what
you're talking about.
220
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,066
We just love
your husband's class.
221
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,735
-That's nice.
-(vehicle speeds away)
222
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,867
Homer, I really don't like you telling
personal secrets in your class.
223
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,828
Marge, I didn't tell 'em
personal stuff.
224
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,581
Today at the Kwik-e-Mart
everybody knew I dyed my hair.
225
00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:25,625
Oh. You mean about you.
226
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,669
All right, maybe I said some things,
some personal things.
227
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,755
But you should've
seen 'em, Marge.
228
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,632
They really wanted to hear
what I had to say.
229
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,841
Mmm. I'm happy about that.
230
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,926
But I think you
can be a good teacher
231
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,845
and still respect our privacy.
232
00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,722
Look, Marge.
You don't know what it's like.
233
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,891
I'm the one out there every day
putting his ass on the line.
234
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,935
And I'm not out of order.
You're out of order!
235
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,647
The whole freakin' system
is out of order.
236
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,857
You want the truth?
You want the truth?
237
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,234
You can't handle the truth!
238
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:56,072
'Cause when you reach over
and put your hand into a pile of goo
239
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,909
that was your best friend's face,
you'll know what to do!
240
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,704
Forget it, Marge.
It's Chinatown!
241
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,916
Homer, don't ever tell them
personal stuff about me again!
242
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,084
(quietly) Yes, ma'am.
243
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,752
Now, what is a wedding?
244
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:13,089
Well, Webster's Dictionary
describes a wedding as
245
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,676
"The process of removing
weeds from one's garden."
246
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,469
(all groan)
247
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,596
Tell us more
about you and Marge.
248
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,432
This is a place of learning,
not a house of...
249
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,975
hearing about things.
250
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,770
-(students groan)
-Guess he's run out of stories.
251
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,688
What a rip-off.
252
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,733
I can't believe I paid $10,000
for this course.
253
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,069
What the heck
was that lab fee for?
254
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,904
No. Wait. Uh, um--
255
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,156
Wait. I-- Yes.
(clears throat)
256
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,952
I do have a story about
two other young marrieds.
257
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,122
(students murmuring)
258
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:50,876
Now, the wife of this couple
has an interesting quirk in the bedroom.
259
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,756
It seems she goes wild with desire
if her husband nibbles on her elbow.
260
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,843
-We need names!
-Well, let's just call 'em, uh,
261
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:02,722
Mr. "X" And Mrs. "Y."
262
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,473
So, anyway, Mr. "X" would say,
263
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,560
"Marge, if this doesn't
get your motor running,
264
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,812
my name isn't
Homer J. Simpson ."
265
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:10,771
(all gasping, murmuring)
266
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,735
-Huh?
-Ooh, Homer.
267
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,278
Don't you have to get to class?
268
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,946
Not tonight, Marge.
269
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:22,408
Tonight we can eat a nice,
leisurely dinner at home.
270
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,326
Oh. Well, that will be l--
(gasps)
271
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,122
What the darn?
272
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:29,790
Marge, you'll
never guess what.
273
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,500
My whole class is here.
274
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,419
They're going to observe
the human peep show
275
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,546
that is our lives.
276
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:39,341
Apparently, that disturbing odor
was the food.
277
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,929
So, little Lisa,
apple of my eye,
278
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,974
how are things down
at the old schoolhouse?
279
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:50,728
I find this demeaning and embarrassing
beyond my worst nightmares.
280
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,855
(chuckling)
281
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,815
And how's my little
major leaguer?
282
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,234
Catch any june bugs today?
283
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,320
Well, me and Milhouse took
some mail from a mail truck
284
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:00,613
and threw it down the sewer.
285
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,865
Son, I know you meant well,
286
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,201
but that wasn't
the right thing to do.
287
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,744
What the hell are you
talkin' about?
288
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,245
You're the one
who double-dared us.
289
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,455
Why, you little--
290
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:10,498
-(choking)
-CLASS: Ooh.
291
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:11,499
Homer!
292
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,417
-I'm outta here.
-Me too.
293
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,127
(students murmuring quietly)
294
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,797
(forced laughing)
295
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,008
Well, now that the little ones
have toddled off to bed--
296
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:24,553
I want this to end now.
297
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,807
Hey, Homer.
Why don't you just nibble her elbow?
298
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,018
That always melts her butter, right?
Heh, heh, heh.
299
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,102
(gasps)
300
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,521
All right.
301
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,773
Okay.
Everybody out!
302
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:38,025
Ooh,
she's gotta have it.
303
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:42,488
Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!
Get out-out-out-out-out-out-out!
304
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,281
All right, we're breaking early
tonight, class.
305
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,450
For tomorrow, you should read
pages seven through 18
306
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,451
in Lisa's diary.
307
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,619
-You too.
-Huh?
308
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:49,662
Get out!
309
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,579
But I'm not
in the cla--
310
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,626
Is any of this gonna
be on the test?
311
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,711
'Cause I wasn't
payin' attention.
312
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:08,764
Come on, Marge. Let me in!
There's crickets out here.
313
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:14,395
Okay, Marge. Things were said.
Mistakes were made.
314
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:17,648
Let's end this madness
and get on with our lives.
315
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,900
You just don't get it,
do you, Homer?
316
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,444
You told personal things
about our lives,
317
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,154
even after
you promised you wouldn't.
318
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,658
-I can't trust you anymore.
-But I learned my lesson.
319
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,410
It'll never happen again.
320
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,829
Hey, Homer.
What's the big brouhaha-ha?
321
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,622
Ah, Marge is throwin' me out
322
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,457
-for blabbin' about her elbow thing.
-(groans)
323
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,460
Honey, the door blew shut.
324
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,714
Oh. Fine.
325
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,133
If that's what you want,
you've got it.
326
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,761
This scene is gettin' old, man.
I'm hittin' the road.
327
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,265
Maybe I'll drop you a line
someday from wherever I wind up
328
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,267
in this crazy old world.
329
00:14:56,604 --> 00:15:01,525
Kids, your father and I are going
through a really tough time right now,
330
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,819
and I don't know
what's going to happen.
331
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,781
But just remember that both your mom
and your dad love you very, very much.
332
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,286
Wow, I've never seen Mom
so mad at Homer before.
333
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,121
I'll tell you
a secret, Bart.
334
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,998
Every time I'm worried
about Mom and Dad,
335
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,792
I go to the attic and add
to my ball of string.
336
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,795
(screeches)
337
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,425
Earth base, this is
commander Bart McCool.
338
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,719
We are under attack by
the Zorrinid brain changers.
339
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,388
Quickly, into
the safety dome, Milbot.
340
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,223
(in monotone)
Affirmative, humanoid.
341
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,560
BOTH: Ew!
342
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,729
Don't mind me, boys.
Just scrubbin' my undies.
343
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:42,316
Sorry, Bart.
Your dad kinda blew the fantasy.
344
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,527
I only like it
when I'm pretend-scared.
345
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,987
Keep up the roughhousing, son.
346
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,740
Without a strong male
presence in the house,
347
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,742
you could turn
sissy overnight.
348
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,203
Oh, these stubborn
grass stains.
349
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,083
Oh, good.
350
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,834
Reverend Lovejoy will
make Marge take me back.
351
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,045
He has to push
the sanctity of marriage,
352
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,547
or his god will punish him.
353
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,591
-Get a divorce.
-Mm-hmm.
354
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,134
But isn't that a sin?
355
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,595
Marge, just about
everything is a sin.
356
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,931
You ever sat down
and read this thing?
357
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,183
Technically, we're not
allowed to go to the bathroom.
358
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,354
(sighs)
359
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,147
(moans softly)
360
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,566
Good night, Marge.
(kisses)
361
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:28,278
Oh, why didn't I take
a picture?
362
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,614
I had ten years
to take a picture.
363
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:34,785
Hmm. Funny the way everything
reminds me of Homer.
364
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,089
HOMER'S VOICE:
I love you.
365
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,800
Will you marry me, Marge?
366
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:52,177
You mean,
I'm gonna be a daddy?
367
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:57,224
I hope we'll always be
together, together, together--
368
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,018
-Together?
-(tires screech)
369
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,561
(screams, grunting)
Ooh.
370
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,485
Here, Dad. I brought you some nice--
(yelps)
371
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,822
Good news, Lisa. I don't need
your mother anymore.
372
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:16,243
I've created a replacement that's
superior to her in almost every way.
373
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,704
Dad, that's just a plant.
374
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,040
Lisa! You will respect
your new mother.
375
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,124
Now, give her a kiss.
376
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,585
Kiss her!
(yelps)
377
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,881
Oh-my-God! Oh-my-God!
Oh-my-God! (panting)
378
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,716
All right.
Let's get our stories straight.
379
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,510
She tripped, right?
380
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,263
Look. I brought you
some nice pudding.
381
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:40,517
Ah, your flesh mother
used to bring me pudding.
382
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,561
Oh, I miss Marge.
383
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:46,065
Lisa, you're smart.
Help me trick her into taking me back.
384
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,484
Dad, you can't trick somebody
into loving you.
385
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,737
There's a reason two people
come together and stay together.
386
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,863
There's something
they give each other
387
00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:54,615
that nobody else can give them.
388
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,575
If you want to get Mom back,
you just have to remember
389
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,036
what you give her
that nobody else can.
390
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,997
I'll pay you $40
if you think of it for me.
391
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,249
-No.
-Okay. 30.
392
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,628
Good luck, Dad.
393
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,047
All right, brain.
It's all up to you.
394
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,133
If you don't think of what it is,
we'll lose Marge forever.
395
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,968
Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding.
Eat the pudding.
396
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,220
Eat the pudding.
Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding.
397
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,387
Eat the pudding.
Eat the pudding.
398
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:20,516
Okay, but then
we gotta get to work.
399
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,726
(eating loudly)
400
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,812
(moans softly)
401
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,190
(doorbell chimes)
402
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,109
(exhales)
403
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,236
(clears throat)
Oh. H-hi, Marge.
404
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,113
I heard you and Homer broke up,
405
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,950
so I'm declarin' my intentions
to move in on his territory.
406
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,536
Here, I, uh,
brung ya some posies.
407
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,329
Oh, my.
408
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:46,416
I'm very flattered, but
I'm not really interested.
409
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,504
Sheesh. I come here,
I get dressed up all nice-like,
410
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:55,259
put my heart on the line,
and I make a fool of myself.
411
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,804
Oh, boy. Oh, I'm gonna
start bawlin' here.
412
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,640
Hmm, why don't you come inside
for a drink of water?
413
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:02,975
'Kay.
414
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:10,274
Hmm. Clean house,
no silverfish.
415
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,109
Could've been very happy here.
416
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,652
(knocking)
417
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:14,987
-Homer.
-Moe.
418
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:19,074
-What are you doin' here?
-I, um-- Well, I--
419
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,242
I never touched her, Homer.
420
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,368
Homer, I swear,
I never touched her.
421
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,995
MARGE:
Here's your water, Moe.
422
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,037
I didn't ask her
for no water.
423
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,205
She's lyin', Homer,
she's lyin'.
424
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,707
She told me you were dead.
425
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,793
That's the only reason I--
I didn't do nothin'!
426
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,170
(glass breaking, Moe shouts)
427
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,296
Bye, Moe.
428
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,381
Homer,
what happened to you?
429
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:38,135
Marge, I figured out what
I can give you that no one else can:
430
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:41,805
A bouquet of po-- Ohhh.
431
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:45,350
I give up. I don't deserve
to live with you.
432
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:52,566
-Hmm.
-(table bumps against wall)
433
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,903
Oh. My tattered rags
434
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,822
are caught on
your coffee table.
435
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,325
Oh, here.
Let me help you.
436
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,248
(muttering softy)
437
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,167
Wait a minute.
Wait, that's it.
438
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:13,212
I know now what I can offer you
that no one else can:
439
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:16,423
Complete and utter dependence.
440
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,634
Homer, that's not a good thing.
441
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:22,429
Are you kidding?
It's a wondrous, marvelous thing.
442
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:26,433
Marge, I need you more than
anyone else on this entire planet
443
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,393
could possibly
ever need you.
444
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,813
I need you to take care of me,
to put up with me
445
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,191
and most of all,
I need you to love me,
446
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,859
because I love you.
447
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,903
(sad grunt)
448
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,656
But how do I know
I can trust you?
449
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,450
Marge, look at me.
We've been separated for a day,
450
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,702
and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman.
451
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,246
In another few hours
I'll be dead.
452
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,957
I can't afford
to lose your trust again.
453
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:08,058
I must admit,
you really do make a gal feel needed.
454
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,018
Wait till my class
hears about this.
455
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,770
Kidding!
456
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:16,650
(sighs) Oh, it's great to be
indoors with my family.
457
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,652
I'm really glad
you're back, Dad.
458
00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:20,112
I knew you could do it.
459
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:22,864
Now don't screw it up.
460
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,533
Look, Dad.
I missed you so much,
461
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,244
I couldn't concentrate in
school and I got an "F."
462
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:29,454
Hey, this is dated
two weeks ago.
463
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,873
Oh. Sorry.
Here's a fresh one.
464
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,584
And I have a special
present for you,
465
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:37,087
but I'll give it
to you later tonight.
466
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,840
Special present? I don't
wanna wait. I want it now!
467
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:42,009
I want the children to see.
468
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,136
Ooh.
Oh, right.
469
00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:46,847
Later.
(chuckling)
470
00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:49,433
So, Marge, are you
really happy? Really?
471
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,892
-Hey, Moe.
-(yelps)
472
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,111
♪♪
473
00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,073
Shh!
474
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:52,079
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.