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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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♪♪
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♪ No sports, no rock,
no information ♪
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♪ For mindless chatter,
we're your station ♪
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MAN (on radio):
KBBL talk radio.
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And now Springfield's
favorite conservative
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and author
of the well-selling book,
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Only Turkeys Have Left Wings.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
Birch Barlow.
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♪♪ (rock)
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Ugh, that Barlow's
a right-wing crackpot.
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He said Ted Kennedy
lacked integrity.
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Can you believe that?
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Yeah, switch the station.
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I consider myself
politically correct,
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and his views
make me uncomfortable.
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No, no, no, no, guys.
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Now, I'm not very political.
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I usually think
people who vote
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are a bit fruity,
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but for some reason,
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this Birch Barlow
really speaks to me.
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Good morning,
fellow freedom likers.
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Birch Barlow, the fourth branch
of government-- The 51st state.
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You know,
there are three things
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we're never gonna get rid of
here in Springfield.
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One-- The bats
in the public library.
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(screaming)
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Two-- Mrs. McFirley's
compost heap.
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-(flies buzzing)
-(cackling)
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And three--
Our six-term mayor,
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the illiterate, tax-cheating,
wife-swapping, pot-smoking
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spendocrat Diamond Joe Quimby.
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Hey, I am no longer
illiterate.
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Now, why are we doomed
to this Quimby quagmire, you ask,
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oh, reasonable listener?
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Because this town
is under the stranglehold
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of a few tie-dyed tree huggers
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who would rather play hacky sack
than lock up the homeless.
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Mmm...
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this sounds
awfully controversial.
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Lisa, you know I don't like
controversy in this house.
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I don't like him either, Mom,
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but I'm doing a report on
local politics for my school project.
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You think you're so big
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'cause your class
always gets to do projects.
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Well, um, I'm doing
a school project on... uh...
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-fireworks.
-(Marge groans)
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Bart, I wish you
wouldn't lie like that.
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Now as a special sendoff
and a way to say
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gong hei fatt choy
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to our visiting
Chinese principals,
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Bart Simpson has promised us
a fireworks display.
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(approving murmurs)
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Oh...
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What a week.
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He promised a big
firework display.
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Bad student.
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-Uh-uh. Bad principal.
-Oh.
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So, my friends, let's just
junk those dumbocrats
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and their bleeding-heart
smellfare program.
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Dad, I had to listen
to this jerk all morning.
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Can we listen
to something else?
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When I'm driving the car,
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I get to choose
the radio station.
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When you're driving,
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we'll listen to your
radio station.
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♪ I can feel St. Elmo's fire ♪
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♪ Burning in me ♪
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Ooh! I can't take this anymore.
Let's switch back.
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BARLOW: Alright, my friends,
let's go to the phones.
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First up is Bob from South Springfield.
Welcome to you, sir.
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MAN: Hello, Birch. Long-time
listener, first-time caller.
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Kudos for bringing the public
back to the Republican Party.
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It's high time people realized
we conservatives
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aren't all Johnny Hatemongers
and Charlie Bible Thumps,
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or even, God forbid,
George Bushes.
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(gasps)
That sounds like Sideshow Bob!
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Yes, ma'am, Sideshow Bob,
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yakking it up on
the old yak box.
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Dad, I'll spare you
the embarrassment
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of admitting you don't know
who Sideshow Bob is.
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Whew.
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Sideshow Bob used to be
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Krusty the Clown's sidekick,
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but in 1990, he framed Krusty
for armed robbery,
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-and Bart got him put in jail.
-HOMER: Uh-huh.
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LISA: When he got out,
he married Aunt Selma
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and tried to murder her.
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HOMER: Oh, Side "show" Bob.
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Bart, your mortal enemy
is on the radio!
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It's time for more deee-mentia
with Dr. Demento.
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(screaming)
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And now the funny five--
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I meant your other
mortal enemy,
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Sideshow Bob.
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(gasps)
Sideshow Bob?
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Oh, I'm only ten,
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and I already got
two mortal enemies.
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And this proposed expressway
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will bring increased commerce
to all local merchants.
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(crowd grumbling)
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What's in it for us?
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Yeah. Give us
something we like,
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or we'll ride you
out of town on a rail.
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(clears throat)
What do you people like?
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-Sleep.
-Sexy dames, and plenty of them.
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-Matlock!
-(all agreeing)
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Well, uh, I suppose
I could name it the, uh...
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Matlock Expressway.
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(cheering)
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SIDESHOW BOB: But it would be
terribly myopic of me
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to blame all my current woes
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on one spiky-haired
little simpleton.
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(gulping)
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BARLOW: Mm-hmm. Myopic or,
to say the least, intransigent.
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You mentioned some woes there.
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SIDESHOW BOB: Well, you see, Birch,
I'm presently incarcerated...
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(prisoners yelling)
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Convicted of a crime
I didn't even commit.
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Huh! "Attempted murder."
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Now, honestly, what is that?
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Do they give a Nobel Prize
for attempted chemistry? Do they?
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Oh, really now,
this is a personal call!
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My-my-my friends,
isn't this just typical?
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Another intelligent
conservative here
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railroaded by our
liberal justice system
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just like...
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Colonel Oliver North,
Officer Stacy Koon,
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and cartoon smokesperson
Joe Camel.
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Well, I've had it.
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I am going to make it
my mission to see
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that our friend Bob
is set free.
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No!
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Well, despite Bart's objections,
the people of South Africa
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can now vote in free
democratic elections.
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BARLOW: My friends,
Bob is a political prisoner.
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I want every loyal listener
to do everything they can
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to get him out of jail.
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All right,
you heard the man.
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One grenade each.
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Moe, I think he meant
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through nonviolent,
grassroots political action.
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Ah, jeez, really?
You think so?
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-All right, give them back.
-(all protesting)
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Come on, everybody,
give 'em back.
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Hey. Hey!
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Who pulled the pin
on this one?
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Very well.
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If that is the way
the winds are blowing,
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let no one say
I don't also blow.
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(crowd chanting)
Free Bob!
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By special order
of the mayor of Springfield,
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you are hereby granted
a full and complete pardon.
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Congratulations,
Robert Underdunk Terwilliger.
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(yells)
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Boat's on
the other side.
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Yes. Thank you.
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(bird screeches)
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(wolf howling)
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Hail, brothers.
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Coranon Silaria.
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Ozoo Mahoke.
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ALL: Mahoke. Mahoke.
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Now then, gentlemen,
the mayoral campaign is upon us,
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and if we hope to defeat
this Joe Quimby,
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we need a candidate with name
recognition and media savvy--
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a true leader who will do
exactly as he's told.
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Monty, I'm way ahead of you.
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If you'll just open that door,
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you'll see the next
mayor of Springfield.
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-MAN: Very nice.
-(gurgles)
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-What'd it say?
-No, no, no.
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Bob. Bob, come in.
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A fine Mahoke to you all.
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Why, he's even better.
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I agree.
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I like the human touch.
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PRINCIPAL SKINNER:
Now, students,
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I want you to be
on your best behavior
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for this carefully
choreographed media event.
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Now, this means there is to be
no wising off, no face making,
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and no grass eating.
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This means you, Ralph.
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Yes, sir.
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Hello, children.
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-Hello, Bart.
-Eep.
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Young friends,
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my opponent, Joe Quimby,
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is confused
about your school system.
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Do you know what he does?
He flip-flops.
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Hey, ya, hi, ya, ho, ho.
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(kids gasping)
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Sometimes he doesn't know
whether he's coming or going.
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(kids cheering)
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He wants to sell
your future short.
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(cheering)
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Hmm. Bart, we can't let Bob
steal the spotlight.
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00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,847
We're gonna have to stoop to
the lowest common denominator.
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I can do that.
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Ahh! Help!
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I'm being attacked by,
uh, things.
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00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:42,605
(Lisa and Bart laugh)
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Uncle Mayor was just
saying that us kids
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00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:48,402
are the most important
natural resource we have.
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More important than coal?
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00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,822
Uh, er, uh, yes.
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-(crowd murmuring)
-(grunts)
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00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:59,497
Oh, that was a big
mistake, Bart.
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No children
211
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,625
have ever meddled
with the Republican Party
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00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,126
and lived to tell about it.
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00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:08,172
(gasps)
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00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,385
(grunts)
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00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,429
(grunts)
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00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,641
Uh, stay out of Riverdale.
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00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:22,311
♪ Without a Mayor Quimby,
our town would really stink ♪
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00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,272
♪ We wouldn't have
a tire yard ♪
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00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,107
♪ Or mid-size roller rink ♪
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00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,733
♪ We wouldn't have
our gallows ♪
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♪ Or a shiny Bigfoot trap ♪
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♪ It's not the mayor's fault
that the stadium collapsed ♪
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00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,534
MAN: Quimby-- If you were
running for mayor, he'd vote for you.
224
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,619
Paid for by the Mayor Quimby
for Mayor Mayoral Committee.
225
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,580
Hey, four-eyes,
vote Quimby.
226
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,832
Hey, beard-o,
vote Quimby.
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00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,376
This time he's
the lesser of two evils.
228
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,712
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
I love Grimby.
229
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,382
Uh, could I have some more
bumper stickers, please, dude?
230
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,597
All right.
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00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,726
The mummy's ready
for his mystical journey.
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00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:02,893
(screaming)
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00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,813
What's happening?!
234
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,566
That Quimby fella
promised to build us
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00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:12,153
a Matlock Expressway.
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00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:15,364
How you going to
top that, smart guy?
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00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,949
Hmm. Well, how's this?
238
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,118
I'll not only build
the expressway,
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00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,911
I will spend the remainder
of this afternoon
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patiently listening
to your interminable anecdotes.
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00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,750
Hot-diggity-damn!
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Me first!
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00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:30,129
Not many people know
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I owned the first radio
in Springfield.
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00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,636
Weren't much
on the air then,
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00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,513
just Edison reciting
the alphabet
247
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,807
over and over.
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00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,226
"A," he'd say.
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00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,854
Then, "B."
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00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:49,190
"C" would
usually follow...
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00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,941
(groaning)
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00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,735
MAN:
Mayor Quimby supports
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00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,862
revolving-door prisons.
254
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:58,908
Mayor Quimby even released
Sideshow Bob,
255
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,911
a man twice convicted
of attempted murder.
256
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,289
Can you trust a man
like Mayor Quimby?
257
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:12,171
The League of Uninformed
Voters presents
258
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,090
the Springfield Mayoral Debates.
259
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,008
I'm your moderator, Larry King.
260
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,635
Now a word to our audience.
261
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:20,179
Even though we're being
broadcast on Fox,
262
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:23,182
there's no need for
obnoxious hooting and hollering.
263
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,600
(hooting and hollering)
264
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,227
(groaning)
265
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,396
(whirring)
266
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,402
(sneezes)
267
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,570
I shouldn't have shaken hands
with those old people.
268
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,534
(groaning)
269
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,161
I hope that flu doesn't
affect his performance out there.
270
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,248
Don't worry. He's taken
a million of these capsules.
271
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,710
(groaning)
272
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:51,919
Uh...
273
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,632
Sideshow Bob,
Councilman Les Whinen
274
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,052
says that you're not
experienced enough to be mayor.
275
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,221
Sir, what do you have to say
about that?
276
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,933
I'd say that Les Whinen
ought to do more thinking
277
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,227
and less whinin'.
278
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,771
(laughter)
279
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,149
There's no
Councilman Les Whinen.
280
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,483
Good line, though.
281
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,694
Mayor Quimby,
you are well-known, sir,
282
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,363
for your lenient stance
on crime,
283
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:23,617
but suppose for a second
that your house was ransacked by thugs,
284
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,996
your family tied up in the basement
with socks in their mouths.
285
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,748
You try to open the door,
286
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,499
but there's
too much blood on the knob...
287
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,001
What is your question?
288
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,502
My question's about
the budget, sir.
289
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,504
(groaning)
290
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,017
Hmm...
291
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,145
I don't agree with his
"Bart-killing policy,"
292
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:55,441
but I do approve
of his "Selma-killing policy."
293
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,943
Well, he framed me
for armed robbery,
294
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:03,032
but, man, I'm aching
for that upper-class tax cut.
295
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,617
(clamoring)
296
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,702
Shh, shh.
Quiet down.
297
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,621
And the results are in.
298
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,289
For Sideshow Bob, 100%.
299
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,291
For Joe Quimby, 1%.
300
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,794
And we remind you there is
a one-percent margin of error.
301
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,754
(groaning)
302
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,552
All right. Let's go live
to Bob headquarters now
303
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,387
for Mayor Terwilliger's
victory speech.
304
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,601
(clearing throat)
305
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:32,394
(loud laughing)
306
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,903
BROCKMAN:
And just look how happy he is.
307
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,333
(machinery rumbling)
308
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,919
(screaming)
It's the rapture! Quick!
309
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,963
Get Bart out of the house
before God comes!
310
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,300
So sorry, Mr. Simpson.
311
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:04,969
Your house is
blocking construction
312
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,679
of our new Matlock Expressway.
313
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,850
Now, I am a fair man.
314
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,435
You will have 72 hours
to vacate.
315
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,354
At the time,
we will blow up your house
316
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,273
and any remaining Simpsons.
317
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,483
Homer, we've got
to stop them.
318
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,236
I know what you're up to,
Mayor Terwigiger,
319
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,406
and no one in my family's
gonna stand for it.
320
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:28,784
-(horn honks)
-Move your gol'dern house, son!
321
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,331
Bart, by special request
322
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,126
to the mayor's office,
you are going to be left back.
323
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,462
Oh... you mean I have
to repeat the fourth grade?
324
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,464
Well, yes, but
not for four or five years.
325
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,466
Bart, you're going
to kindergarten.
326
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,176
Kindergarten?
327
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,595
Ha!
328
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:51,223
Now, boys and girls,
who knows what this is?
329
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,851
-Triangle.
-Very good, Bart.
330
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,645
You have first choice of toys
for free play.
331
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,439
Cool.
I call the Flintstone phone.
332
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,401
Yabba-dabba do.
333
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,445
I like talking to you.
334
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,905
(chuckles)
335
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,074
We're going to lose our house
336
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,242
and end up living
under a bridge
337
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,785
like common trolls.
338
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,663
I don't think Bob won
that election legally.
339
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,915
I can't believe
a convicted felon
340
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,458
would get so many votes
341
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,460
and another convicted felon
would get so few.
342
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,049
Here you go.
343
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,509
The results of last month's
mayoral election.
344
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,179
All 48,000 voters
and who each one they voted for.
345
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,889
I thought this
was a secret ballot.
346
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,475
-Meh.
-(groaning)
347
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,189
Okay.
348
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:43,651
Aaron A. Aaronson voted
for... Bob.
349
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:48,864
Aaron L. Aaronson voted
for... Bob.
350
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:53,661
Arthur B. Ablabab voted
for... Bob.
351
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,663
(groaning)
352
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,624
(snoring)
353
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,545
Hey.
354
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,217
(gasps)
355
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,135
BART: So whoever
it is who wrote that note
356
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,096
wants to meet us here tonight?
357
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,556
This is so cool, Bart.
358
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,850
We're just like
Woodward and Bernstein.
359
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,228
Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting
in the car reading Archie comics.
360
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:22,731
Stuck-up Riverdale punks
think they're too good for me.
361
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:23,732
(breathing heavily)
362
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,859
You're on the right track.
363
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,528
Follow the names.
364
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,737
How the hell
do you know?
365
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:37,413
I can't tell you who I am,
but I worked on the campaign.
366
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,539
(tires squealing,
horn honking)
367
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,708
Hey, Mr. Smithers!
368
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:44,420
Well, you might as well
give me a ride home now.
369
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,464
I've never gone behind
Mr. Burns' back before,
370
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,342
but Sideshow Bob's
ultra-conservative views
371
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,928
conflict with my choice
of lifestyle.
372
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,930
(clears throat)
373
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,225
All I can do is give you
one name-- Edgar Neubauer.
374
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,644
Find him,
and you'll find your answer.
375
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:06,859
(moaning)
376
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,736
No Edgar Neubauer.
377
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,198
(evil chuckling)
378
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,119
(screaming)
379
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,872
This is hopeless.
They're going to demolish
380
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,206
our house for sure.
381
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,083
We're gonna have to move
into a Motel 6.
382
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,253
But Dad can't afford
six dollars a night.
383
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,464
Hey... Lise!
384
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,673
Lise, come here.
385
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:30,632
I found him.
386
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,925
I found Edgar Neubauer.
387
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,847
Oh, my God--
The dead have risen,
388
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,474
and they're
voting Republican.
389
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,309
(gasps)
No, Bart, don't you see?
390
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,811
Dead people can't vote.
391
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:47,107
Look. Prudence Goodwyfe,
died 1641.
392
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,193
She voted for Bob, too.
393
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:53,739
So did Buddy Holly,
Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper.
394
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,283
Even the pet cemetery
voted for Bob.
395
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,035
(gasps) Look!
Mr. and Mrs. Bananas,
396
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,162
Humphrey Boa-gart.
397
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,623
Oh, my poor dead kitty.
398
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,249
Please, not you, too.
399
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,544
All right, Bob.
400
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,505
Now it's personal.
401
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,758
Hey. Um...
he did try to kill me.
402
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:23,769
Whoa!
403
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,446
(citizens gasp)
404
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:44,498
Mr. Mayor, is it true
you rigged the election?
405
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,457
No, I did not.
406
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,293
Kids, help.
407
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,881
Oh, I don't mind.
408
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,759
We want these children to feel
justice has been served.
409
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,095
That way they can
sleep soundly tonight
410
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:02,141
on their hard, feculent,
motel pillows.
411
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:06,770
Well, Bart, Lisa, here I am.
412
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,815
I have a plan.
I think we can trap him.
413
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,364
You know, Sideshow Bob,
I believe you
414
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:18,615
when you say you're innocent.
415
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,700
Indeed, I am.
416
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,201
Because we all know
417
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,662
you're a naive pawn--
puppet, if you will--
418
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:25,831
of the most diabolical
political genius
419
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:28,083
Springfield has ever known.
420
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,586
Birchibald T. Barlow.
421
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,087
(people gasping)
422
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,465
(stuttering)
423
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,800
You don't have
the intelligence
424
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,219
to rig an election by yourself,
do you?
425
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,263
You were just
Barlow's lackey.
426
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,431
You were Ronnie
to his Nancy.
427
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:43,724
Sonny to his Cher.
428
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,559
Ringo to his
rest of the Beatles.
429
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,395
Enough! Lies! Lies! Lies!
430
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,646
I did it!
431
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,898
I did it all!
432
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,733
(people gasping)
433
00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,151
There.
434
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,444
Is that what you want,
435
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,487
you smarmy little bastards?
436
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:58,697
We want the truth.
437
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,324
You want the truth?
438
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,242
You can't handle the truth.
439
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,369
No truth-handler, you.
440
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:09,124
Bah! I deride your
truth-handling abilities.
441
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,500
Will you get
to the point?
442
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,836
Yes.
Only I could have executed
443
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,215
such a masterpiece
of electoral fraud
444
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,133
and I have the records
to prove it.
445
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,135
Here, just look at these.
446
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,931
Each one a work
of Machiavellian art.
447
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,475
Hmm...
448
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:30,771
-But why?
-Because you need me, Springfield.
449
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:34,650
Your guilty conscience
may force you to vote democratic,
450
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:38,070
but deep down inside, you secretly
long for a cold-hearted republican
451
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,113
to lower taxes,
brutalize criminals
452
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,907
and rule you like a king.
453
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,450
That's why I did this--
454
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,827
To protect you from yourselves.
455
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,830
Now if you don't mind,
I have a city to run.
456
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,958
Bailiffs,
place the mayor under arrest.
457
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:54,044
What? Oh, yes.
All that stuff I did.
458
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:57,798
Bart, we did it.
459
00:20:57,881 --> 00:20:59,132
Now we get to keep
our house
460
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,884
and you get to go back
to the fourth grade.
461
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,594
Oh... tomorrow
we were gonna find out
462
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,471
who the dish ran away with.
463
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,973
The spoon, Bart.
464
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,432
Of course.
465
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:12,229
(growling)
466
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:15,315
Someday,
I'll have my vengeance.
467
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,734
Someday, when I find
my way out
468
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,320
of this savage,
roach-ridden cesspool...
469
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,448
Say, Terwilliger's
a Yalie.
470
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,325
Bob! Come along!
471
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:28,578
We need a ninth to row
against the Princeton alums.
472
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,871
Princeton?
473
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,081
(growling)
474
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:35,252
Stroke, stroke...
475
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,469
♪♪
476
00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:29,139
Shh!
477
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:35,354
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
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