1 00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:03,920 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:06,881 ♪♪ 3 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:15,098 ♪ No sports, no rock, no information ♪ 4 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,934 ♪ For mindless chatter, we're your station ♪ 5 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,728 MAN (on radio): KBBL talk radio. 6 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,062 And now Springfield's favorite conservative 7 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,939 and author of the well-selling book, 8 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,733 Only Turkeys Have Left Wings. 9 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,776 Ladies and gentlemen, Birch Barlow. 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,195 ♪♪ (rock) 11 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,823 Ugh, that Barlow's a right-wing crackpot. 12 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:34,117 He said Ted Kennedy lacked integrity. 13 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,201 Can you believe that? 14 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,578 Yeah, switch the station. 15 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,204 I consider myself politically correct, 16 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,790 and his views make me uncomfortable. 17 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,584 No, no, no, no, guys. 18 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,044 Now, I'm not very political. 19 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,129 I usually think people who vote 20 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,797 are a bit fruity, 21 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,299 but for some reason, 22 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,885 this Birch Barlow really speaks to me. 23 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,641 Good morning, fellow freedom likers. 24 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,352 Birch Barlow, the fourth branch of government-- The 51st state. 25 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,396 You know, there are three things 26 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,065 we're never gonna get rid of here in Springfield. 27 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,442 One-- The bats in the public library. 28 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:08,902 (screaming) 29 00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,488 Two-- Mrs. McFirley's compost heap. 30 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:15,241 -(flies buzzing) -(cackling) 31 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:18,328 And three-- Our six-term mayor, 32 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,914 the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking 33 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:24,542 spendocrat Diamond Joe Quimby. 34 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,711 Hey, I am no longer illiterate. 35 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,881 Now, why are we doomed to this Quimby quagmire, you ask, 36 00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,466 oh, reasonable listener? 37 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,761 Because this town is under the stranglehold 38 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,097 of a few tie-dyed tree huggers 39 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,474 who would rather play hacky sack than lock up the homeless. 40 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:40,892 Mmm... 41 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,894 this sounds awfully controversial. 42 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:46,815 Lisa, you know I don't like controversy in this house. 43 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,775 I don't like him either, Mom, 44 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,486 but I'm doing a report on local politics for my school project. 45 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,530 You think you're so big 46 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,782 'cause your class always gets to do projects. 47 00:01:55,865 --> 00:02:00,286 Well, um, I'm doing a school project on... uh... 48 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,871 -fireworks. -(Marge groans) 49 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,833 Bart, I wish you wouldn't lie like that. 50 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:09,671 Now as a special sendoff and a way to say 51 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,131 gong hei fatt choy 52 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,299 to our visiting Chinese principals, 53 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,344 Bart Simpson has promised us a fireworks display. 54 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:17,762 (approving murmurs) 55 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,100 Oh... 56 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,434 What a week. 57 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,853 He promised a big firework display. 58 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,104 Bad student. 59 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:30,066 -Uh-uh. Bad principal. -Oh. 60 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,069 So, my friends, let's just junk those dumbocrats 61 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,989 and their bleeding-heart smellfare program. 62 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,949 Dad, I had to listen to this jerk all morning. 63 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,993 Can we listen to something else? 64 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,494 When I'm driving the car, 65 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,329 I get to choose the radio station. 66 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,998 When you're driving, 67 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,458 we'll listen to your radio station. 68 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,752 ♪ I can feel St. Elmo's fire ♪ 69 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,880 ♪ Burning in me ♪ 70 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,883 Ooh! I can't take this anymore. Let's switch back. 71 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,385 BARLOW: Alright, my friends, let's go to the phones. 72 00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:59,637 First up is Bob from South Springfield. Welcome to you, sir. 73 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,473 MAN: Hello, Birch. Long-time listener, first-time caller. 74 00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:06,394 Kudos for bringing the public back to the Republican Party. 75 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:09,105 It's high time people realized we conservatives 76 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,650 aren't all Johnny Hatemongers and Charlie Bible Thumps, 77 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,944 or even, God forbid, George Bushes. 78 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,447 (gasps) That sounds like Sideshow Bob! 79 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,532 Yes, ma'am, Sideshow Bob, 80 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,952 yakking it up on the old yak box. 81 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,787 Dad, I'll spare you the embarrassment 82 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,081 of admitting you don't know who Sideshow Bob is. 83 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,124 Whew. 84 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,667 Sideshow Bob used to be 85 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,377 Krusty the Clown's sidekick, 86 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,963 but in 1990, he framed Krusty for armed robbery, 87 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,715 -and Bart got him put in jail. -HOMER: Uh-huh. 88 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,842 LISA: When he got out, he married Aunt Selma 89 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,052 and tried to murder her. 90 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,763 HOMER: Oh, Side "show" Bob. 91 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:44,474 Bart, your mortal enemy is on the radio! 92 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:49,562 It's time for more deee-mentia with Dr. Demento. 93 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,939 (screaming) 94 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,441 And now the funny five-- 95 00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:56,194 I meant your other mortal enemy, 96 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,654 Sideshow Bob. 97 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,657 (gasps) Sideshow Bob? 98 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,617 Oh, I'm only ten, 99 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,535 and I already got two mortal enemies. 100 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,497 And this proposed expressway 101 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:11,000 will bring increased commerce to all local merchants. 102 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,252 (crowd grumbling) 103 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,670 What's in it for us? 104 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,630 Yeah. Give us something we like, 105 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:17,173 or we'll ride you out of town on a rail. 106 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,926 (clears throat) What do you people like? 107 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:22,512 -Sleep. -Sexy dames, and plenty of them. 108 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:26,599 -Matlock! -(all agreeing) 109 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:30,186 Well, uh, I suppose I could name it the, uh... 110 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,813 Matlock Expressway. 111 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:35,358 (cheering) 112 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,152 SIDESHOW BOB: But it would be terribly myopic of me 113 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,862 to blame all my current woes 114 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,615 on one spiky-haired little simpleton. 115 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,409 (gulping) 116 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,911 BARLOW: Mm-hmm. Myopic or, to say the least, intransigent. 117 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,330 You mentioned some woes there. 118 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,959 SIDESHOW BOB: Well, you see, Birch, I'm presently incarcerated... 119 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,461 (prisoners yelling) 120 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,423 Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. 121 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:01,134 Huh! "Attempted murder." 122 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,094 Now, honestly, what is that? 123 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:06,222 Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Do they? 124 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,267 Oh, really now, this is a personal call! 125 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:12,812 My-my-my friends, isn't this just typical? 126 00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:14,981 Another intelligent conservative here 127 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,859 railroaded by our liberal justice system 128 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,360 just like... 129 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,196 Colonel Oliver North, Officer Stacy Koon, 130 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,658 and cartoon smokesperson Joe Camel. 131 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,327 Well, I've had it. 132 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,829 I am going to make it my mission to see 133 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:32,582 that our friend Bob is set free. 134 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,460 No! 135 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,629 Well, despite Bart's objections, the people of South Africa 136 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,382 can now vote in free democratic elections. 137 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,719 BARLOW: My friends, Bob is a political prisoner. 138 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:48,514 I want every loyal listener to do everything they can 139 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,058 to get him out of jail. 140 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,393 All right, you heard the man. 141 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,270 One grenade each. 142 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,148 Moe, I think he meant 143 00:05:57,231 --> 00:06:00,485 through nonviolent, grassroots political action. 144 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:03,154 Ah, jeez, really? You think so? 145 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,031 -All right, give them back. -(all protesting) 146 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,574 Come on, everybody, give 'em back. 147 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:07,784 Hey. Hey! 148 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,285 Who pulled the pin on this one? 149 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,247 Very well. 150 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,750 If that is the way the winds are blowing, 151 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,919 let no one say I don't also blow. 152 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,420 (crowd chanting) Free Bob! 153 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,882 By special order of the mayor of Springfield, 154 00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:26,761 you are hereby granted a full and complete pardon. 155 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:30,348 Congratulations, Robert Underdunk Terwilliger. 156 00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:31,891 (yells) 157 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,021 Boat's on the other side. 158 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,856 Yes. Thank you. 159 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,408 (bird screeches) 160 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,618 (wolf howling) 161 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,963 Hail, brothers. 162 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,589 Coranon Silaria. 163 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,049 Ozoo Mahoke. 164 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,551 ALL: Mahoke. Mahoke. 165 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:10,805 Now then, gentlemen, the mayoral campaign is upon us, 166 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,682 and if we hope to defeat this Joe Quimby, 167 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,935 we need a candidate with name recognition and media savvy-- 168 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:18,896 a true leader who will do exactly as he's told. 169 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,107 Monty, I'm way ahead of you. 170 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,692 If you'll just open that door, 171 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,153 you'll see the next mayor of Springfield. 172 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:31,826 -MAN: Very nice. -(gurgles) 173 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,786 -What'd it say? -No, no, no. 174 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,496 Bob. Bob, come in. 175 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,834 A fine Mahoke to you all. 176 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,669 Why, he's even better. 177 00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:42,670 I agree. 178 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,755 I like the human touch. 179 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,716 PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Now, students, 180 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,051 I want you to be on your best behavior 181 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,345 for this carefully choreographed media event. 182 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,723 Now, this means there is to be no wising off, no face making, 183 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,266 and no grass eating. 184 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,809 This means you, Ralph. 185 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:57,894 Yes, sir. 186 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,061 Hello, children. 187 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,189 -Hello, Bart. -Eep. 188 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:02,482 Young friends, 189 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,275 my opponent, Joe Quimby, 190 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,652 is confused about your school system. 191 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,946 Do you know what he does? He flip-flops. 192 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,865 Hey, ya, hi, ya, ho, ho. 193 00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,950 (kids gasping) 194 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:17,455 Sometimes he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. 195 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,123 (kids cheering) 196 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,754 He wants to sell your future short. 197 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:29,133 (cheering) 198 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:32,553 Hmm. Bart, we can't let Bob steal the spotlight. 199 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,847 We're gonna have to stoop to the lowest common denominator. 200 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,224 I can do that. 201 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,893 Ahh! Help! 202 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,145 I'm being attacked by, uh, things. 203 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:42,605 (Lisa and Bart laugh) 204 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:45,358 Uncle Mayor was just saying that us kids 205 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:48,402 are the most important natural resource we have. 206 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,946 More important than coal? 207 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,822 Uh, er, uh, yes. 208 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,575 -(crowd murmuring) -(grunts) 209 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:59,497 Oh, that was a big mistake, Bart. 210 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:00,998 No children 211 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,625 have ever meddled with the Republican Party 212 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,126 and lived to tell about it. 213 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:08,172 (gasps) 214 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,385 (grunts) 215 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,429 (grunts) 216 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,641 Uh, stay out of Riverdale. 217 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:22,311 ♪ Without a Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink ♪ 218 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,272 ♪ We wouldn't have a tire yard ♪ 219 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,107 ♪ Or mid-size roller rink ♪ 220 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,733 ♪ We wouldn't have our gallows ♪ 221 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:30,111 ♪ Or a shiny Bigfoot trap ♪ 222 00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:33,489 ♪ It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed ♪ 223 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,534 MAN: Quimby-- If you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you. 224 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,619 Paid for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee. 225 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,580 Hey, four-eyes, vote Quimby. 226 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,832 Hey, beard-o, vote Quimby. 227 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,376 This time he's the lesser of two evils. 228 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,712 Uh, yeah. Yeah. I love Grimby. 229 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,382 Uh, could I have some more bumper stickers, please, dude? 230 00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,597 All right. 231 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,726 The mummy's ready for his mystical journey. 232 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:02,893 (screaming) 233 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,813 What's happening?! 234 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,566 That Quimby fella promised to build us 235 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:12,153 a Matlock Expressway. 236 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:15,364 How you going to top that, smart guy? 237 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,949 Hmm. Well, how's this? 238 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,118 I'll not only build the expressway, 239 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,911 I will spend the remainder of this afternoon 240 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:24,498 patiently listening to your interminable anecdotes. 241 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,750 Hot-diggity-damn! 242 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,752 Me first! 243 00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:30,129 Not many people know 244 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:34,050 I owned the first radio in Springfield. 245 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,636 Weren't much on the air then, 246 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,513 just Edison reciting the alphabet 247 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,807 over and over. 248 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,226 "A," he'd say. 249 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,854 Then, "B." 250 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:49,190 "C" would usually follow... 251 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,941 (groaning) 252 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,735 MAN: Mayor Quimby supports 253 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,862 revolving-door prisons. 254 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:58,908 Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, 255 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,911 a man twice convicted of attempted murder. 256 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,289 Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? 257 00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:12,171 The League of Uninformed Voters presents 258 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,090 the Springfield Mayoral Debates. 259 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,008 I'm your moderator, Larry King. 260 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,635 Now a word to our audience. 261 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:20,179 Even though we're being broadcast on Fox, 262 00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:23,182 there's no need for obnoxious hooting and hollering. 263 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,600 (hooting and hollering) 264 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,227 (groaning) 265 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,396 (whirring) 266 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,402 (sneezes) 267 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,570 I shouldn't have shaken hands with those old people. 268 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,534 (groaning) 269 00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,161 I hope that flu doesn't affect his performance out there. 270 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,248 Don't worry. He's taken a million of these capsules. 271 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,710 (groaning) 272 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:51,919 Uh... 273 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,632 Sideshow Bob, Councilman Les Whinen 274 00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,052 says that you're not experienced enough to be mayor. 275 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,221 Sir, what do you have to say about that? 276 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,933 I'd say that Les Whinen ought to do more thinking 277 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,227 and less whinin'. 278 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,771 (laughter) 279 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,149 There's no Councilman Les Whinen. 280 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,483 Good line, though. 281 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,694 Mayor Quimby, you are well-known, sir, 282 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,363 for your lenient stance on crime, 283 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:23,617 but suppose for a second that your house was ransacked by thugs, 284 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,996 your family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths. 285 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,748 You try to open the door, 286 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,499 but there's too much blood on the knob... 287 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,001 What is your question? 288 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,502 My question's about the budget, sir. 289 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,504 (groaning) 290 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,017 Hmm... 291 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,145 I don't agree with his "Bart-killing policy," 292 00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:55,441 but I do approve of his "Selma-killing policy." 293 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,943 Well, he framed me for armed robbery, 294 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:03,032 but, man, I'm aching for that upper-class tax cut. 295 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,617 (clamoring) 296 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,702 Shh, shh. Quiet down. 297 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,621 And the results are in. 298 00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,289 For Sideshow Bob, 100%. 299 00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,291 For Joe Quimby, 1%. 300 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,794 And we remind you there is a one-percent margin of error. 301 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,754 (groaning) 302 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,552 All right. Let's go live to Bob headquarters now 303 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,387 for Mayor Terwilliger's victory speech. 304 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,601 (clearing throat) 305 00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:32,394 (loud laughing) 306 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,903 BROCKMAN: And just look how happy he is. 307 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,333 (machinery rumbling) 308 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,919 (screaming) It's the rapture! Quick! 309 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,963 Get Bart out of the house before God comes! 310 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,300 So sorry, Mr. Simpson. 311 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:04,969 Your house is blocking construction 312 00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,679 of our new Matlock Expressway. 313 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,850 Now, I am a fair man. 314 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,435 You will have 72 hours to vacate. 315 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,354 At the time, we will blow up your house 316 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,273 and any remaining Simpsons. 317 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,483 Homer, we've got to stop them. 318 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,236 I know what you're up to, Mayor Terwigiger, 319 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,406 and no one in my family's gonna stand for it. 320 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:28,784 -(horn honks) -Move your gol'dern house, son! 321 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,331 Bart, by special request 322 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,126 to the mayor's office, you are going to be left back. 323 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,462 Oh... you mean I have to repeat the fourth grade? 324 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,464 Well, yes, but not for four or five years. 325 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,466 Bart, you're going to kindergarten. 326 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,176 Kindergarten? 327 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,595 Ha! 328 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:51,223 Now, boys and girls, who knows what this is? 329 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,851 -Triangle. -Very good, Bart. 330 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,645 You have first choice of toys for free play. 331 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,439 Cool. I call the Flintstone phone. 332 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,401 Yabba-dabba do. 333 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,445 I like talking to you. 334 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,905 (chuckles) 335 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,074 We're going to lose our house 336 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,242 and end up living under a bridge 337 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,785 like common trolls. 338 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,663 I don't think Bob won that election legally. 339 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,915 I can't believe a convicted felon 340 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,458 would get so many votes 341 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,460 and another convicted felon would get so few. 342 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,049 Here you go. 343 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,509 The results of last month's mayoral election. 344 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,179 All 48,000 voters and who each one they voted for. 345 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,889 I thought this was a secret ballot. 346 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,475 -Meh. -(groaning) 347 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,189 Okay. 348 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:43,651 Aaron A. Aaronson voted for... Bob. 349 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:48,864 Aaron L. Aaronson voted for... Bob. 350 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:53,661 Arthur B. Ablabab voted for... Bob. 351 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,663 (groaning) 352 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,624 (snoring) 353 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,545 Hey. 354 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,217 (gasps) 355 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,135 BART: So whoever it is who wrote that note 356 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,096 wants to meet us here tonight? 357 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,556 This is so cool, Bart. 358 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,850 We're just like Woodward and Bernstein. 359 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,228 Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie comics. 360 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:22,731 Stuck-up Riverdale punks think they're too good for me. 361 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:23,732 (breathing heavily) 362 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,859 You're on the right track. 363 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,528 Follow the names. 364 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:28,737 How the hell do you know? 365 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:37,413 I can't tell you who I am, but I worked on the campaign. 366 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,539 (tires squealing, horn honking) 367 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,708 Hey, Mr. Smithers! 368 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:44,420 Well, you might as well give me a ride home now. 369 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,464 I've never gone behind Mr. Burns' back before, 370 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,342 but Sideshow Bob's ultra-conservative views 371 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,928 conflict with my choice of lifestyle. 372 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,930 (clears throat) 373 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,225 All I can do is give you one name-- Edgar Neubauer. 374 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,644 Find him, and you'll find your answer. 375 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:06,859 (moaning) 376 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,736 No Edgar Neubauer. 377 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,198 (evil chuckling) 378 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,119 (screaming) 379 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,872 This is hopeless. They're going to demolish 380 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,206 our house for sure. 381 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,083 We're gonna have to move into a Motel 6. 382 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,253 But Dad can't afford six dollars a night. 383 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,464 Hey... Lise! 384 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,673 Lise, come here. 385 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:30,632 I found him. 386 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,925 I found Edgar Neubauer. 387 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,847 Oh, my God-- The dead have risen, 388 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,474 and they're voting Republican. 389 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,309 (gasps) No, Bart, don't you see? 390 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,811 Dead people can't vote. 391 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:47,107 Look. Prudence Goodwyfe, died 1641. 392 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,193 She voted for Bob, too. 393 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:53,739 So did Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper. 394 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,283 Even the pet cemetery voted for Bob. 395 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,035 (gasps) Look! Mr. and Mrs. Bananas, 396 00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,162 Humphrey Boa-gart. 397 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,623 Oh, my poor dead kitty. 398 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,249 Please, not you, too. 399 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,544 All right, Bob. 400 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,505 Now it's personal. 401 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,758 Hey. Um... he did try to kill me. 402 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:23,769 Whoa! 403 00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:34,446 (citizens gasp) 404 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:44,498 Mr. Mayor, is it true you rigged the election? 405 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,457 No, I did not. 406 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,293 Kids, help. 407 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,881 Oh, I don't mind. 408 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,759 We want these children to feel justice has been served. 409 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,095 That way they can sleep soundly tonight 410 00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:02,141 on their hard, feculent, motel pillows. 411 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:06,770 Well, Bart, Lisa, here I am. 412 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,815 I have a plan. I think we can trap him. 413 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,364 You know, Sideshow Bob, I believe you 414 00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:18,615 when you say you're innocent. 415 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,700 Indeed, I am. 416 00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,201 Because we all know 417 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,662 you're a naive pawn-- puppet, if you will-- 418 00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:25,831 of the most diabolical political genius 419 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:28,083 Springfield has ever known. 420 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,586 Birchibald T. Barlow. 421 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,087 (people gasping) 422 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,465 (stuttering) 423 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,800 You don't have the intelligence 424 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,219 to rig an election by yourself, do you? 425 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,263 You were just Barlow's lackey. 426 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:42,431 You were Ronnie to his Nancy. 427 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:43,724 Sonny to his Cher. 428 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,559 Ringo to his rest of the Beatles. 429 00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,395 Enough! Lies! Lies! Lies! 430 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,646 I did it! 431 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,898 I did it all! 432 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,733 (people gasping) 433 00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,151 There. 434 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,444 Is that what you want, 435 00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,487 you smarmy little bastards? 436 00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:58,697 We want the truth. 437 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,324 You want the truth? 438 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,242 You can't handle the truth. 439 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,369 No truth-handler, you. 440 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:09,124 Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities. 441 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,500 Will you get to the point? 442 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,836 Yes. Only I could have executed 443 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,215 such a masterpiece of electoral fraud 444 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,133 and I have the records to prove it. 445 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,135 Here, just look at these. 446 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,931 Each one a work of Machiavellian art. 447 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,475 Hmm... 448 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:30,771 -But why? -Because you need me, Springfield. 449 00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:34,650 Your guilty conscience may force you to vote democratic, 450 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:38,070 but deep down inside, you secretly long for a cold-hearted republican 451 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:40,113 to lower taxes, brutalize criminals 452 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,907 and rule you like a king. 453 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,450 That's why I did this-- 454 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,827 To protect you from yourselves. 455 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,830 Now if you don't mind, I have a city to run. 456 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,958 Bailiffs, place the mayor under arrest. 457 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:54,044 What? Oh, yes. All that stuff I did. 458 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:57,798 Bart, we did it. 459 00:20:57,881 --> 00:20:59,132 Now we get to keep our house 460 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,884 and you get to go back to the fourth grade. 461 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,594 Oh... tomorrow we were gonna find out 462 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,471 who the dish ran away with. 463 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,973 The spoon, Bart. 464 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,432 Of course. 465 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:12,229 (growling) 466 00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:15,315 Someday, I'll have my vengeance. 467 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,734 Someday, when I find my way out 468 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,320 of this savage, roach-ridden cesspool... 469 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,448 Say, Terwilliger's a Yalie. 470 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,325 Bob! Come along! 471 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:28,578 We need a ninth to row against the Princeton alums. 472 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,871 Princeton? 473 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,081 (growling) 474 00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:35,252 Stroke, stroke... 475 00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,469 ♪♪ 476 00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:29,139 Shh! 477 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:35,354 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.