1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,516
(chalk screeches)
3
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:19,060
(bell rings)
4
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525
(work whistle blows)
5
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905
-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
6
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:43,334
(jazzy solo)
7
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:47,380
(tires screech)
8
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,096
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,809
(horn honks)
10
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,187
(tires screech)
11
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,398
D'oh!
12
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,650
-Aah!
-(tires screech)
13
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:13,031
(big band music plays)
14
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,161
(carnival music plays)
15
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,833
(elephants trumpet)
16
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,856
Hey, Moe, you got
change for a five?
17
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,191
Yeah, sure thing, Lenny.
18
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,194
Ah! Ow! Ooh!
19
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,404
A snake in the cash register!
20
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:54,697
(all laughing)
21
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,950
Great prank, fellas. Great.
22
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,868
Oh, I'm gonna be
sick tonight.
23
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,246
Hey, Moe, you want
to smell my flower?
24
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,205
Do I!
25
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:07,252
Oh! I'm burnin' up here!
26
00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:09,212
Ooh, that's hot.
27
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,965
Taking advantage of my
alcohol-soaked clothes.
28
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:14,843
Oh, it's funny--
and it makes you think.
29
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,970
Oh, I need some coffee
before I black out.
30
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:19,973
Homer, pass me the sugar.
31
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,558
This is gonna be great!
32
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,186
(all groaning)
33
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,521
-Geez!
-Oh, man.
34
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,439
Oh, there's sugar
all over the bar now.
35
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,732
That's not funny,
Homer.
36
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,110
Yeah. We were just
messin' around,
37
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,946
and you had to go
too far!
38
00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:38,074
How many people want Homer
banned from this place for life?
39
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,325
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
40
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,827
Aw, come on, everybody.
41
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,912
This bar is like
a tavern to me.
42
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,998
Sorry, Homer, you should have
thought of that
43
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,167
before you gave me
the old "sugar me do."
44
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,211
I'm taking your caricature
down from Mount Lushmore...
45
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,506
and I'm pulling
your favorite song
46
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,008
out of the jukebox.
47
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,926
(gasps)
"It's Raining Men"?!
48
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,094
Yeah, not no more, it ain't.
49
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,598
Ow.
50
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,433
Ooh!
51
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,977
(yelling)
52
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,188
(chuckles)
Joke's on them.
53
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,564
I'm still alive.
54
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,193
Cheer up, Homer.
55
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,319
Can't.
56
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:15,820
Okay.
57
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,031
What if you pretended
this couch were a bar?
58
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:21,159
Then you could spend
more nights at home with us. Huh?
59
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:24,370
I'm not going to dignify
that with an answer.
60
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:25,997
Look on the
bright side, Dad.
61
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,916
Did you know that the Chinese
use the same word
62
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,751
for "crisis" as they do
for "opportunity"?
63
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:33,504
Yes! "Crisitunity!"
You're right!
64
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,591
I've been wasting my life away
in that dump for years.
65
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:39,844
That's it! I'm going to find
a new bar to drink in,
66
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,598
and I'm going to get drunker
than I've ever been in my entire life!
67
00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:46,226
Bart, where's my wallet?
68
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,227
Right here, Dad.
69
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,269
Thank you!
70
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,110
Wow. Classy.
71
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,570
Good evening, sir.
72
00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,615
Would you please leave
without a fuss right now?
73
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:01,783
Okay.
74
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,959
Hmm... this looks like
a nice, friendly place.
75
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:14,212
Sammy, you're too old
to go on a date with two twins
76
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,089
on the same night you're
supposed to marry Diane
77
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,382
without Rebecca knowing.
78
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,092
Okay Carla,
I'll make you a bet.
79
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,927
If this affects
my major league comeback,
80
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,262
I'll sell the bar.
81
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,347
Woody, give me a beer.
82
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,849
I think you've had
enough, Mr. Peterson.
83
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,811
My chiropractor says I can't
carry you home anymore.
84
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:33,481
Just give me another beer,
you brain-dead hick!
85
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,942
I'll kill you!
I'll kill all of you!
86
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,235
Woah, settle
down Normy.
87
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,195
Gotta save those
pipes for karaoke.
88
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,405
(exclaims)
89
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,117
I love you guys.
90
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,618
(sobbing)
91
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:50,039
(piano plays "Cheers" theme)
92
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,541
(techno music plays)
93
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,379
Wait a minute.
94
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:59,590
There's something
bothering me about this place.
95
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:01,884
I know!
96
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,054
This lesbian bar
doesn't have a fire exit!
97
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,016
Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies.
98
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,392
What was her problem?
99
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,104
(English accent)
Greetings, good man.
100
00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,773
Might I trouble you
for a drink?
101
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,400
Oh, get out of here, Homer.
102
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,944
Homer? Who is Homer?
103
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,947
My name is Guy Incognito.
104
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,408
(punches landing,
crashing, shouting)
105
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:26,826
Ah!
106
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,455
(gasps)
107
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:33,499
Oh, my God.
This man is my exact double!
108
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,500
(gasps)
109
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,045
That dog has a puffy tail!
110
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,755
(giggling)
111
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,132
Here, puff! Here, puff!
112
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,050
(giggling)
113
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,055
The last bar in Springfield.
114
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:50,850
If they don't let me in here,
I'm gonna have to quit drinking.
115
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,019
-Yay!
-Shut up, liver!
116
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,646
Ow... my liver hurts.
117
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,111
I'd like a beer, please.
118
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,364
Sorry. You got to be
a pilot to drink in here.
119
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,698
But I am a pilot.
120
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,075
Where's your uniform?
121
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,369
Um... I stowed it safely
122
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:10,745
in the overhead compartment.
123
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,663
Well, you talk the talk.
124
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,374
Here's a loaner.
125
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,334
We need a pilot, pronto.
126
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:18,169
Who wants to fly
to the windy city?
127
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,962
-I'll go.
-I'm your man.
128
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,547
Conditions are a little windy.
129
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,925
-Well...
-On second thought...
130
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,302
-You.
-But I--
131
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,012
Hey, you're not just
impersonating a pilot
132
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,555
so you can drink here,
are you?
133
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:32,392
Yeah. That's exactly
why I'm here.
134
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:33,476
(laughs)
135
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,937
You fly boys,
you crack me up.
136
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,356
But I keep telling you,
I'm not a pilot!
137
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:41,359
And I keep telling you,
you fly boys crack me up!
138
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,194
Hi. I'm Alan.
I'm your copilot.
139
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,238
Uh, yeah. Uh... hmm.
140
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,365
As a change of pace,
141
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,867
I'm gonna let you do
most of the work.
142
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,369
I think you're ready
for it, Alan.
143
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:56,290
And, um, I'll just
get us started...
144
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:01,379
Uh, we'll need that
to live.
145
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,596
If word gets out about this,
146
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,183
Quasi-Clown Airlines
will be a laughingstock.
147
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,893
In exchange for your silence,
148
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,479
I'm prepared to offer
your family free tickets
149
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,022
to anywhere
in the United States...
150
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,483
excluding Alaska and Hawaii,
the freak states.
151
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,734
Woo-hoo!
152
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,319
HOMER:
Good news, everybody!
153
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:28,364
Because I endangered lives,
we can fly anywhere we want!
154
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,866
-Alaska!
-Hawaii!
155
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,577
Mmm... I don't know, Homer.
156
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,746
We're right in the middle of
the busy housekeeping season.
157
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:39,250
But Marge,
you deserve a vacation.
158
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:42,837
It's a chance for you to clean up
after us in a whole other state!
159
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,465
I don't want to be a wet blanket,
but getting on a plane like that
160
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,592
seems like a hassle
coupled with a burden.
161
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,636
Come on Marge, I want to shake off
the dust of this one-horse town.
162
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,555
I want to explore the world.
163
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,599
I want to watch TV
in a different time zone.
164
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:57,101
I want to visit
strange, exotic malls.
165
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,769
I'm sick of
eating hoagies.
166
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,689
I want a grinder... a sub...
a foot-long hero!
167
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,232
I want to live, Marge!
168
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,443
Won't you let me live?!
169
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,320
Won't you please?!
170
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,534
(chomping)
171
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,454
So, Marge,
pretty sweet, eh?
172
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:19,499
Oh, I forgot to clean the
lint basket in the dryer.
173
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,501
If someone broke into
the house and did laundry,
174
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,668
it could start a fire.
175
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,338
(baby crying)
176
00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:29,842
Oh, great-- I specifically asked
not to be seated next to a baby.
177
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:35,348
Wow! We must be
really flying high!
178
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:39,018
Those people down there
look all tiny and blurry,
179
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,395
just like the inside
of a cataract.
180
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,314
Attention, passengers.
181
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:45,942
Due to our policy
of overselling flights,
182
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,027
this flight
has been oversold.
183
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,279
In accordance
with F.A.A. rules,
184
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,323
the first two people
to the front
185
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,367
will be upgraded
to first class.
186
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:57,703
(all yelling)
187
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,956
Okay, you two.
188
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,083
Come on, Bart.
They're going to pamper us.
189
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,292
(gasps)
190
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,294
Not literally, of course.
191
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:16,180
I come for the service,
but I stay for the leg room.
192
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,978
MAN (over P.A.):
Flight crew, prepare for takeoff.
193
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,145
(panting)
194
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:29,193
I think I'll go get
a picture of the plane taking off.
195
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,236
Marge, what's wrong?
196
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,572
Are you hungry?
Sleepy? Gassy?
197
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,575
Gassy? Is it gas?
It's gas, isn't it?
198
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,077
Homer, I've never told
you this before,
199
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,162
but I'm not a good flyer.
200
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,291
(raspy panting)
201
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,418
I have to get off the plane.
202
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,545
Let me off the plane.
203
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,798
I'm asking you nicely
to open the doors.
204
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,551
Take it easy, Marge.
How about if we dope you up real good?
205
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,511
Let me off!
Let me off!
206
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,388
Let me off! Let me off!
Let me off! Let me off!
207
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:59,890
Let me off! Let me off!
Let me off! Let me off!
208
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,146
It's okay, Marge.
209
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,064
We don't need
to go on a trip.
210
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:10,026
We'll just wait for the
killer bees to come to us.
211
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,077
You know, I have this feeling
that we forgot something.
212
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:25,750
Ahh!
213
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,293
I'm sure it's nothing.
214
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,128
Mom, are you feeling
any better?
215
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,339
Yes, but I'd rather
not talk about it.
216
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,758
Permit me to solve
the mystery.
217
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:35,885
Your mother has a fear
of flying.
218
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,096
So much for the days when I could
say 'at least my mother's normal.'
219
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,140
Well, everybody's got
a fear of something.
220
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,850
Not everybody.
221
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,226
Sock puppets.
222
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,270
Where? Where?
(screams)
223
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,356
Mom, are you sure you don't
want to discuss it?
224
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,483
Sure as sugar.
225
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:51,567
(forced laugh)
226
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:57,073
Lisa, the important thing
is for your mother
227
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,283
to repress what happened.
228
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,494
Push it deep down
inside her
229
00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:04,455
so she'll never
annoy us again.
230
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,540
But if we don't encourage her
to vent her feelings,
231
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,334
they can come out
in other ways.
232
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:11,796
I just realized we never had
a wedding for the cat and the dog.
233
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,214
They've been living in sin.
234
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,173
(both whine)
235
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,227
Mom, you've been cooking
all night?
236
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:30,147
Judge, jury and executioner
all rolled into one you are.
237
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,900
See, Dad? I told you Mom
would have problems.
238
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,027
No, no, honey,
it's all right.
239
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,655
Really, I'm fine.
I'm all right.
240
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,240
Mother always said,
"Don't complain."
241
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:42,535
Be good. Behave. Behave.
Be nice. Smile. Be polite.
242
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,578
Don't make waves.
243
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,038
You heard
your mother's ramblings.
244
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,582
She's fine, so behave.
245
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,626
(hammering)
246
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:56,382
Marge, it's 3:00 A.M.
247
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,008
Shouldn't you
be baking?
248
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,468
In a little while.
249
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,721
(groaning)
250
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,431
Mom, can we talk to you?
251
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,557
Can't talk. Keeping myself
252
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,475
in a state
of cat-like readiness.
253
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,895
Uh... neat.
254
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,481
Anyway Mom,
maybe you should go into therapy.
255
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,024
No, I don't need therapy.
256
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,943
I'm fine,
and it's too expensive.
257
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,361
And I don't believe in it.
258
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,779
It breaks up families.
259
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,489
It turns wives
against husbands,
260
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,032
children against fathers,
261
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,951
neighbors against me.
262
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:26,454
You don't have to pay
some fancy psychiatrist
263
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,540
ten bucks an hour
to get top-notch therapy.
264
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,584
Hello, Radio Psychic.
265
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,044
You will die a terrible,
terrible death.
266
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:37,631
-(gasps)
-Ooh, I'm sorry. That was our last caller.
267
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,550
Okay, I'm getting
something now.
268
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:43,846
Huh... okay. You will die
a terrible, terrible death.
269
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,347
-But I--
-Thank you for calling Radio Psychic.
270
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,349
Do you have
a song request?
271
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,350
"It's Raining Men."
272
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:53,522
Now Marge, "Dear Abby" says
seeing films about air travel
273
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,149
can calm your fears.
274
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,526
Ooh, here are
some upbeat titles.
275
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:05,868
MAN 1: No thanks to the plane,
many of us are still...
276
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,787
GROUP:
Alive.
277
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,747
MAN 2:
We certainly are.
278
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,540
(chomping and slurping)
279
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,584
MAN 3: Pass me another hunk
of co-pilot.
280
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,544
Dad, Mom's getting worse.
281
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,004
You have to take her to
see a real psychiatrist.
282
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,131
Look how tense she is.
283
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,841
She's fine.
284
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,468
Oh.
285
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,642
Alright Lisa,
you got your way.
286
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,977
Your mom's going
to a psychiatrist.
287
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:33,687
She's going to tell
Marge to leave me.
288
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,314
It'll break up the family
289
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:36,565
and you'll have to live
with your grandmother
290
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:37,817
and pick beans.
291
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,819
Dad, I like
picking beans with Grandma.
292
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,695
Well, keep it up then.
293
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:42,822
Okay, I will.
294
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,198
Good. You do that.
295
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:45,616
Fine.
296
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:47,117
You'll be picking
many a bean.
297
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,536
Hope I do.
298
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:51,831
I don't believe it.
299
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,707
Principal Skinner!
300
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,709
Well, well, well.
301
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,045
I never thought
I'd win this easy.
302
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,214
Ha, this has nothing
to do with you, Simpson.
303
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:04,510
I have many, many issues with
my beloved smother... mother.
304
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,887
Bart, leave that man alone
with his pain and sit down.
305
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,556
Okay.
306
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,849
(laughing)
307
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,226
(blubbering)
308
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,270
All right, how much
do you charge?
309
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,856
If money's a problem,
I charge on a sliding scale.
310
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,233
I can go as low as $30 an hour.
311
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:20,317
Keep sliding.
312
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,236
$30 will be fine.
313
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:23,946
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
314
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:26,073
First, what are
your qualifications?
315
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,199
Well...
316
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,286
Oh, no.
317
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,954
I'm not here to take
a reading test.
318
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,164
I want to see some credentials.
319
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,000
I'm sorry, Doctor.
320
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,085
He's just afraid you'll blame
all my problems on him.
321
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,087
I'm not here
to blame anyone.
322
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:45,050
-Marge, therapy can be an intense process.
-Uh-huh.
323
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,136
We're going to delve deeply
into your subconscious
324
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,306
and we're not going to
stop until we've exposed
325
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:53,100
the root of your fear
of flying.
326
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,602
Hmm...
327
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,521
Don't worry.
This is a private sanctuary
328
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:01,567
where whatever transpires
will be just between us.
329
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,068
Whuh?
330
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,278
Oh, that's just Murray,
the window washer.
331
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,821
He comes every day
at 12:00.
332
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,824
But it's a few seconds
before 12:00.
333
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,160
-(crashing)
-(Homer yelling, falling)
334
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,626
Ever since you
started therapy,
335
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,628
all you can do is talk
about yourself.
336
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,504
Well, what about me, Marge?
337
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,423
I just left my first session,
and I haven't even opened
338
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:25,883
my mouth yet.
339
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,384
You see? You see?
340
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,929
"I just left my first session
341
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:33,307
and I haven't opened
my mouth yet."
342
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,852
Marge, there's no simple
explanation for your fear of flying,
343
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:40,105
but it can probably be traced
to some childhood trauma.
344
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,523
Think back.
345
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,776
What's the earliest memory
you have
346
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,444
of something bad happening?
347
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,029
Hmm.
348
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,782
That would have to be
my first day of school.
349
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:54,828
They got this thing
called a fire drill.
350
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,206
They use it to drill
a flaming hole
351
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:58,582
in your head.
352
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,334
(groaning)
353
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,169
And there's only
one big toilet,
354
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:06,006
and they make you
all go at the same time.
355
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,300
-(laughing)
-(groaning)
356
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,552
MARGE: The kids at school
were even worse.
357
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,144
Ew! You like The Monkees?
358
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,313
You know they don't
write their own songs.
359
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,898
They do so.
360
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,441
They don't even play
their own instruments.
361
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,527
No! No!
362
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,904
That's not even
Michael Nesmith's real hat.
363
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,073
(screaming)
364
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,658
Kids can be so cruel.
365
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,910
But it's true.
They didn't write their own songs
366
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,745
or play their
own instruments.
367
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,998
The Monkees
weren't about music, Marge.
368
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:42,543
They were about rebellion,
about political and social upheaval!
369
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,795
Mmm.
370
00:16:44,878 --> 00:16:47,381
Did you talk about
me in therapy today?
371
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:48,424
I don't think so.
372
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,134
Tell me the truth!
373
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,386
Don't tell her
I raised my voice! Don't.
374
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,929
(mad laughter)
375
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,723
Happy family,
happy family.
376
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,851
I keep having the same dream.
377
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:03,272
I am the mother
from "Lost in Space".
378
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,024
Ready for breakfast,
Dr. Smith?
379
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,776
Oh, being stuck on this
Godforsaken planet
380
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,863
has vanquished what
little appetite I have.
381
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,991
(chomping)
382
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,617
Warning! Warning!
383
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:19,329
Dr. Smith refuses
to do his astro chores.
384
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,583
Why, you clattering
clank of cogs and...
385
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,793
My dear lady, as you well know,
my back is a disaster area.
386
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,254
D'oh, the pain.
D'oh, the pain of it all!
387
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,548
Danger! Danger!
388
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,009
My hooks are flailing wildly!
389
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,552
(rockets firing)
390
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,013
Wait!
391
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,015
Daddy, wait, please!
392
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:41,769
Don't leave!
Take me with you!
393
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,396
Marge, are you aware
you just said
394
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,648
"Please don't leave"
to your Daddy?
395
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:47,691
No, I didn't.
396
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,318
Yes, you did.
397
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,986
And you also infringed
on any number of copyrights.
398
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:55,032
Now, let's talk
about your father.
399
00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,327
Sure, okay. I'll talk about Father--
Father Christmas.
400
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,370
That's what they call
Santa Claus in England.
401
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,081
They drive on the
wrong side of the road there.
402
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,041
Now that's crazy.
403
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,376
People are always saying
how small England is,
404
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:09,254
but you couldn't fit it all in here.
Not by a long shot.
405
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,465
You know what?
I'm cured.
406
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:14,676
Marge, get back here
and tell me about your father.
407
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,386
What did he
do for a living?
408
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,555
Mmm. Okay.
409
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,391
Okay, but you're going
to make a big deal out of this.
410
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,185
He was a pilot.
411
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:24,853
A pilot?!
412
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,271
This is a big deal.
413
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,732
MARGE:
You see?
414
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,193
Marge, this may not
be the best time to bring this up,
415
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,320
but your last check bounced.
416
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,280
Wait. I'm remembering
something.
417
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,199
Yes, Marge,
there's still the matter of...
418
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,867
I was a little girl.
419
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,248
Mmm. Good-bye, Margie.
420
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,667
Be a good girl now.
421
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,044
Why does Daddy
have to leave?
422
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,337
Because
he's a pilot.
423
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:53,132
He flies all
over the world.
424
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,342
I want to see Daddy fly.
425
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,261
Margie!
No, come back!
426
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,016
Daddy? Daddy,
where are you, Da..?
427
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,893
So who wants
a pre-flight cookie?
428
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,687
Fig Newtons? Hydrox?
429
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,063
Daddy?
430
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,648
Aah!
431
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:15,779
Don't look at me!
Don't look at me!
432
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,948
(crying)
433
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:22,411
My father was a stewardess.
434
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:26,039
Marge, there's nothing
to be ashamed of here.
435
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,541
Today, male
flight attendants,
436
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:30,752
or stewards,
are common.
437
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:31,753
They are?
438
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,046
Yes.
439
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,674
Thanks to trailblazers
like your father.
440
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,467
You might say
he was a pioneer.
441
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:41,638
Yeah. You might even say
he was an American hero.
442
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,515
Let's not go nuts.
443
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,933
The important thing
444
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,228
is that we've pinpointed
the precise moment
445
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,981
when you developed
your fear of flying.
446
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,609
Wait. Some other stuff's
coming back to me.
447
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,196
Open wide.
448
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,115
Here comes
the airplane.
449
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,284
(imitating engine)
450
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,285
(screaming)
451
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,707
(screaming)
452
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:14,213
This is what a cornfield
looks like, honey.
453
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,672
Hmm.
454
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,384
(screaming)
455
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,887
You think those things
could also have contributed
456
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,305
to my fear of flying?
457
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,057
Yes, yes,
it's all a rich tapestry.
458
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:28,060
Oh, well, thank you, Doctor.
You've changed my life.
459
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:30,687
You know Marge, we've really
just begun to scratch the surface.
460
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,941
There's still the far more
serious problem of your husband.
461
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,318
That's okay, you don't have to make
her into some kind of superwoman.
462
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,237
She can get on the plane.
That's plenty.
463
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,821
Thank you, Doctor.
464
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,074
Whenever the wind whistles
through the leaves,
465
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:46,453
I'll think
Lowenstein, Lowenstein.
466
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,788
My name is Zweig.
467
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:49,456
(whispering)
Lowenstein...
468
00:20:57,506 --> 00:21:00,092
Don't worry about
a thing, honey.
469
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,344
I'm going to help
you through this.
470
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,138
(engine whirring)
471
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,807
Those are all
normal noises.
472
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:07,849
(clunk)
473
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,768
Luggage
compartment closing..
474
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,270
cross-checking.
475
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,772
Just sit back and relax.
476
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:20,570
HOMER: That's just
the engine powering up.
477
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:24,241
That's just
the engine struggling.
478
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:30,455
That's just a carp
swimming around your ankles.
479
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,040
(Marge groans)
480
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:41,883
♪♪
481
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:26,803
Shh!
482
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:32,267
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.