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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(tires screech)
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D'oh!
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-Aah!
-(tires screeching)
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Looks like you
got a leak.
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Could you start
fixing it pretty soon?
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The basement is
getting awfully flooded
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and I think
the cat's down there.
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(gurgling meow)
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Yeah, I probably won't be able
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to get the parts I need
for two... three weeks.
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And that's if I order them
today, which I won't.
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Oh, dear.
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(beeping)
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Emergency call.
Gotta go.
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What should we do
until you get back?
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Put a pan down there.
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Oh, it didn't work.
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(honking)
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Lousy traffic jams.
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(chuckles)
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The traffic report will
get me out of this one.
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This is Arnie Pie.
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Looks like we got
a little accident
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that's backing
traffic up
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as far as
this reporter can see.
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Hi, Dad.
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(mutters)
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Hey, how come you guys got
such great parking places?
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It's a secret.
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Shh! Shut up.
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-(metal creaks)
-Ow!
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All right, Econo-save,
you just made the list.
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Hey, will you guys
help me fix my...
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Hey, how come you guys
got better chairs than me?
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It's a secret.
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Shh! Shut up.
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Hey, you guys want
to go bowling tonight?
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Nah, we're busy.
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Yeah, we got things to do.
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Like what?
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It's a secret.
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(gulping)
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Shut up.
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So anyway, Lenny and Karl
are never around on Wednesdays,
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and they don't tell me
where they go.
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It's like a conspiracy.
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A conspiracy, eh?
You think they might be involved
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in the Kennedy assassination
in some way?
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I do now.
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Anyway, I'm going to follow them
tonight and see where they go.
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Oh, Homer, don't start
stalking people again.
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It's so illegal.
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Remember when you were stalking
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Charles Kuralt because you
thought he dug up your garden?
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Well, something did.
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I don't want you
stalking anyone tonight.
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Oh, okay, have it
your own way, Marge.
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I'll be back in a minute.
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I'm going outside...
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to...
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stalk...
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Lenny and Karl...
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D'oh!
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(chuckles)
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All I had to do is
follow the yellow drip road.
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There's our
secret meeting place.
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-Yes, let's go inside.
-Sounds good.
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Whoop.
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(giggling)
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I can see everything.
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And they're none the wiser.
(chuckles)
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(glass cracking)
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Ooh. Ooh...
(whimpering)
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(screaming)
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-An intruder.
-He will pay the ultimate price.
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Yes, the ultimate price.
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Get out of here.
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(door slams)
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I saw weird stuff
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in that place last night.
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Weird, strange, sick, twisted,
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eerie, godless, evil stuff,
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and I want in.
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We don't know what
you're talking about, Homer.
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And you can't join
the Stonecutters
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because it's too exclusive.
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Well, it was a real nice secret
organization we had once.
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Stonecutters, eh?
How do I join?
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There are only two ways
to gain membership.
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Be the son of a Stonecutter...
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Next.
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Or save the life
of a Stonecutter.
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Hey!
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I saved your life.
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That egg sandwich could have
killed you by cholesterol.
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Forget it, Homer.
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While it has been established
that eggs contain cholesterol,
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it has not yet been proven conclusively
that they actually raise the level
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of serum cholesterol
in the human bloodstream.
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So one of those
Egg Council creeps
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got to you too, huh?
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You got it all wrong, Homer.
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It's not like that.
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You'd better run, egg!
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Why don't people
like me, Marge?
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Everyone likes you.
You're a wonderful person.
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Why don't
those stupid idiots
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let me in their crappy club
for jerks?
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I'm sure it's nothing
personal, Homer.
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It is.
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It's been happening
to me all my life.
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Hey, Billy! Hey, Joey!
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Come on in.
There's plenty of room.
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-Sorry. Not you, Homer.
-Why not?
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-But you let in Homer Glumplet.
-(chuckles)
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It says "No Homers."
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We're allowed
to have one.
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(groans)
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I felt so left out.
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Kids can be so cruel.
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We can?
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Thanks, Mom!
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LISA:
Ow, cut it out, Bart!
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(Bart laughing)
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I'd give anything to get in
to the Stonecutters.
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What do they do
there, Dad?
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I'm a member.
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What do they do?
What don't they do?
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(chuckles) Oh, they do
so many things, they never stop.
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Oh, the things they do there--
My stars!
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You don't know
what they do there, do you?
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Not as such, no.
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I'm a Stonecutter.
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Dad, remember
those self-hypnosis classes
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we took to help
us ignore Grampa?
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Do I ever.
It's five years later,
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and I still think I'm a chicken.
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-I'm a chicken, Marge.
-I know, I know.
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Maybe we should be listening
to him, now.
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I'm a member.
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-Huh? What?
-What? Huh?
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You're a member of
the Stonecutters, Grampa?
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Oh, sure, let's see.
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I'm an Elk, a Mason,
a communist.
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I'm the president
of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance
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for some reason.
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Ah! Here it is!
The Stonecutters!
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Oh! This is it!
My ticket in.
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They have to let me join
if I'm the son of a member.
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I'll take this
communist one too.
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Coming through.
Can't throw me out.
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My father's a member.
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-I'm in. I'm in.
-Okay, okay. Homer, you're in.
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Just don't point
that thing at me.
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-(grunts)
-Ah, thanks, Lenny.
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When am I going
to be initiated?
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As soon as Number One gets here.
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Number One?
(laughs)
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What kind of stupid
wiener name is that?
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Hello. My name is Number One.
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(laughs)
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And so forth.
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We call each other by number,
not by name.
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Carl is number 14.
I'm number 12.
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Burnsie is number 29.
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You outrank Mr. Burns here?
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Sure, watch.
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Hey, 29, get over here.
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(honking)
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Thank you, sir.
May I have another?
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Patience, Monty.
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Climb the ladder.
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Is he the leader?
176
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Of this chapter.
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There are chapters
all over the world.
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And it has been foretold
179
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that someday
a chosen one will...
180
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,980
Okay, okay. I didn't ask
for your life story.
181
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,066
(crowd chuckling)
182
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,736
Let the initiation begin.
183
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:10,490
All Stonecutters must take
the leap of faith.
184
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,783
If you survive
this five-story plunge,
185
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,327
your character will be proven.
186
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,496
(whimpering)
187
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,872
Happy landings.
188
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,458
-(grunts)
-(Stonecutters laughing)
189
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,835
(wood cracking)
190
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:23,836
(yelling)
191
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(thud)
192
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(cracking and yelling)
193
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HOMER: I think
I have to do it again.
194
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My blindfold came off.
195
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This ritual is called
"Crossing the Desert."
196
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,228
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
197
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,314
And this we call
"The Unblinking Eye."
198
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,859
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
199
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,737
Hey, have you ever noticed
that the "Crossing the Desert"
200
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,114
Is a lot like
"The Unblinking Eye"?
201
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,367
It's exactly like
"The Wreck of the Hesperus."
202
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,244
And now the final ordeal.
203
00:08:56,327 --> 00:09:00,248
"The Paddling of the
Swollen Ass with Paddles."
204
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,376
Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh!
205
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:06,337
And by the sacred parchment,
I swear
206
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:09,131
that if I reveal the secrets
of the Stonecutters
207
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,883
may my stomach become bloated
208
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:14,554
and my head be plucked
of all but three hairs.
209
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,556
Um, I think he should have
to take a different oath.
210
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,641
Everyone takes
the same oath.
211
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,310
Welcome to the club,
number 908.
212
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,355
You have joined the Sacred Order
of the Stonecutters
213
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:27,608
who since ancient times have
split the rocks of ignorance
214
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,653
that obscure the light
of knowledge and truth.
215
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,947
Now let's all get drunk
and play ping-pong.
216
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,865
(cheering)
217
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,409
'Cause he's already
kind of heavy, you know, and--
218
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,871
Well, to be honest
219
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,499
I never got around to ordering
that part for you.
220
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,294
So it's still going
to be a couple of weeks.
221
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,837
Oh, really?
222
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,422
Yes.
223
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:50,881
Really?
224
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,341
Yes. Yes!
225
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,176
But what if I were
to shake your hand
226
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,344
in this wise?
227
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,221
Wah-wah-weh!
228
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,681
(both trilling tongues)
229
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,392
Whoa. I didn't realize
you were a member.
230
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:04,770
(meows)
231
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,063
(sputtering)
232
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,359
(chuckling)
233
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,361
So long, suckers.
234
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,369
♪♪ (classical music plays)
235
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,375
Same old space, huh, Dad?
236
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,295
Yep, but they gave me
these roller blades
237
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,964
so I can glide
to the front door.
238
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,382
Whoa. Whoa.
239
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,550
(grunts)
Whoa!
240
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,093
Whoa!
241
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,553
(chuckling)
Sweet.
242
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,766
Jealous?
243
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:44,101
Well, no.
We've got the same chair.
244
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,770
You're jealous.
245
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,355
Your membership pack.
246
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,273
What's this?
247
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,984
Put that sticker on your car
so you won't get any tickets.
248
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,944
This other one keeps paramedics
from stealing your wallet
249
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,279
while they're
working on you.
250
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,156
Oh, and don't bother
calling 911 anymore.
251
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,491
Here's the real number.
252
00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,909
Ooh.
253
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,704
I still don't believe
254
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,040
all the Founding Fathers
were Stonecutters.
255
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,001
That's because you trust
your stupid school books.
256
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,961
Here's what
really happened
257
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,838
at the signing of the
Declaration of Independence.
258
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:18,928
And a nation is born.
259
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,930
Now let us party
260
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,140
like 'twas 1799!
261
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,685
(cheering)
262
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,728
(chanting)
Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! Quaff!
263
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,897
Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! Quaff!
264
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,148
Quaff! Quaff! Quaff!
265
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,150
Please, sir,
266
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,735
you're destroying
my establishment.
267
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,278
We just created
268
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,988
the greatest
democracy on earth,
269
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,616
-you low-life commoner!
-Ow!
270
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,993
You want to see how Davy Crockett
really died at the Alamo?
271
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,412
You must be 18.
272
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:47,957
Homer, a man who called himself
"you-know-who"
273
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,917
just invited you
to a secret "wink-wink"
274
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,711
at the "you-know-what."
275
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,505
You certainly are popular
now that you're a Stonecutter.
276
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,382
Oh, yeah.
277
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,760
"Beer busts, beer blasts,
keggers, stein hoists,
278
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,637
A.A. meetings,
beer night."
279
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,389
It's wonderful, Marge.
280
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:07,184
I've never felt so accepted
in all my life.
281
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,770
These people look deep
within my soul
282
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,230
and assign me a number
283
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:13,357
based on the order
in which I joined.
284
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,608
(sniffles)
285
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,068
♪♪
286
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,740
♪ Who controls
the British crown? ♪
287
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,075
♪ Who keeps
the metric system down? ♪
288
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,994
♪ We do ♪
289
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,037
♪ We do ♪
290
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,248
♪ Who leaves Atlantis
off the maps? ♪
291
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,459
♪ Who keeps the Martians
under wraps? ♪
292
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,002
♪ We do ♪
293
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,212
♪ We do ♪
294
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:39,633
♪ Who holds back
the electric car? ♪
295
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,386
♪ Who makes Steve Guttenberg ♪
296
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,929
♪ A star? ♪
297
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,890
♪ We do ♪
298
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,225
♪ We do ♪
299
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,436
♪ Who robs cave fish
of their sight? ♪
300
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,438
♪ Who rigs every Oscar night? ♪
301
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,608
♪ We do ♪
302
00:12:55,691 --> 00:13:00,404
♪ We do! ♪
303
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:01,739
Thank you.
304
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,657
Tonight we are here
to commemorate
305
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,660
our glorious society's
1,500th anniversary.
306
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,789
And in honor of this
momentous occasion,
307
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,248
we're having ribs.
308
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,459
(cheering)
309
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:16,545
Uh-oh. I need a bib.
310
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,172
If I slop any on my shirt,
311
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,090
I could lose the respect
of my beloved brethren.
312
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,802
So let us rejoice
and enjoy our meal
313
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:26,555
in the shadow of the hallowed
sacred parchment.
314
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,226
(men gasping)
315
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,394
-Homer.
-Huh? Oh. Yeah.
316
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,188
-Thanks, Lenny.
-This is terrible.
317
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,857
-(murmuring)
-This is just appalling and outrageous.
318
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,318
What? Did I miss something?
319
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,320
-(murmuring)
-(groans)
320
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:42,780
Oh, God!
321
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,032
LENNY: No! Homer, no!
This is outrageous!
322
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,575
You can't do that. No!
323
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,410
You really are stupid!
324
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,621
(clamoring)
325
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,377
And the official
Stonecutter underwear, too.
326
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,753
Aw...
327
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,008
(ghostly moaning)
328
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,510
Please don't kick me out.
329
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,387
This society's everything
to me.
330
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,680
Please give me another chance.
331
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,723
I've learned my lesson!
332
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,725
I've learned my lesson!
333
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,436
-MAN: That's it!
-(crowd clamoring)
334
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,855
-How can we punish him further?
-Get him out.
335
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,065
-Oh. Sorry.
-Homer Simpson,
336
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,861
for your continuing
and baffling desecration
337
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,071
of our beloved sacred parchment,
338
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,282
you are hereby banished
339
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,033
from the Stonecutters
forever.
340
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,494
And as a final humiliation,
341
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,163
you must walk home naked,
342
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,750
dragging behind you
the Stone of Shame.
343
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,507
(straining)
344
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,633
(gasping)
345
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,843
(all gasping)
346
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:46,886
The mark!
347
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,513
Oh, that.
348
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:50,848
It's just a birthmark.
349
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,224
And I'll thank you
not to stare.
350
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,143
He's the chosen one.
351
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,648
You are the chosen one
352
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,484
whom the sacred parchment
prophesied
353
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,944
would lead us to glory!
354
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,738
Now, to the top
355
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:08,198
of Mount Springfield
for the coronation!
356
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,702
-Remove the Stone of Shame.
-Woo-hoo!
357
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:16,582
-Attach the Stone of Triumph!
-(moans)
358
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,500
(men cheering)
359
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,337
(Homer grunting)
360
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,466
(Homer giggling)
361
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,096
(Homer giggling)
362
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,556
Wow.
363
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,516
Mental note: Don't overdo this.
364
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,897
(giggling)
365
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:40,898
(humming)
366
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,316
Peekaboo!
367
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,782
I always wondered
if there was a god
368
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,283
and now I know.
369
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,743
There is,
and it's me.
370
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,286
You're not
a god, Homer.
371
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,497
Remember, Dad,
all glory is fleeting.
372
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,541
-So?
-Beware the Ides of March.
373
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,752
-No.
-Dad, I know you think you're happy now,
374
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,420
but it's not gonna
last forever.
375
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,297
-Everything lasts forever.
-Don't you see?
376
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,049
Getting what
you want all the time
377
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,884
will ultimately leave you
unfulfilled and joyless.
378
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,469
Remove the girl.
379
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,055
Dad, you're not
with your Stonecutters now.
380
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,723
There are no lackeys around
to carry out your every--
381
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,392
(muffled shouts)
382
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,984
ALL: Another strike
for the chosen one!
383
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,819
-Hurrah!
-Whoo-hoo!
384
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,703
-Well, that's just an excellent break.
-Most assuredly.
385
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,371
-Absolutely.
-Whoo-hoo!
386
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,045
Uh...
387
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,088
I'm out.
388
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,589
No, no, no,
no, Homer.
389
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,676
You have the royal,
um... sampler.
390
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,803
Oh, I win again, don't I?
391
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:53,887
Whoo-hoo.
392
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,557
(all talking at once)
393
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,976
You know, I think you guys
are letting me win.
394
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:02,730
ALL:
No! No, no! No! No!
395
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,566
From now on, I want you
to be honest with me.
396
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,359
I mean, I'm not perfect, right?
397
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:10,863
Uh...
(stammering)
398
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,825
(stammering)
399
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:16,785
(stammering)
400
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:17,870
Run.
401
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,204
ALL: Aah!
402
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,669
The Grand Exalted
Leader requests
403
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,920
a moment of your time.
404
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,505
Class dismissed.
405
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,299
CHILDREN:
Yay!
406
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,134
Yay!
407
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,218
(groans)
408
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,054
Lisa, you were right.
409
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,388
My happiness is fading.
410
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,640
You're experiencing
spiritual emptiness
411
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,309
because your power
has isolated you
412
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,727
from other human beings.
413
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,270
What do you mean, isolated?
414
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,898
(voice echoing)
415
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,192
Well, maybe you could reach
out to the community
416
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,526
and help other people.
417
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:53,072
Hmm, I could help others.
418
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,492
I'll get a bunch of monkeys,
dress them up,
419
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,244
and make them reenact the Civil War.
(laughs)
420
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,913
Dad, that doesn't
help people.
421
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:02,664
Couldn't hurt,
422
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,500
unless the monkeys
started hurting people,
423
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,627
which they almost
certainly would.
424
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,255
(cheering and hooting)
425
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,049
(pounding gavel)
426
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,383
Brothers! Brothers!
427
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,052
(cheering)
428
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:19,139
Brothers, I've learned
a wonderful lesson.
429
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,934
Helping others
makes our own lives better
430
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,019
and makes us better people,
431
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,106
so instead of just shooting
pool and drinking beer,
432
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,150
let us Stonecutters
use what we have
433
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,860
to help the less fortunate.
434
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,654
(cricket chirping)
435
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,405
(man coughs)
436
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,241
He's gone mad with power
437
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:39,159
like that
Albert Schweitzer guy.
438
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,664
-(kids clamoring)
-(Homer laughing)
439
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,459
Whee!
440
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,337
(Moe grunting in pain)
441
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,297
MOE:
Ooh, for the love of God!
442
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,133
Somebody get
the jaws of life!
443
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,512
-(groaning)
-Higher!
444
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,806
Higher!
445
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,183
Oh, I'll give you higher,
my filthy little urchin.
446
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,518
(groans)
447
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,186
Ohh!
448
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,271
Ah!
449
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:10,065
Oh. You've won this round...
450
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,066
Ohh!
451
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,070
(all grumbling)
452
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:19,575
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Simpson.
453
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,577
It looks so much better.
454
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,121
-A beautiful sky blue.
-(helicopter approaching)
455
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,707
-(crowd shouting)
-(glass shattering)
456
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,042
You were right, Lisa.
457
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:32,212
I've never felt
so spiritually fulfilled.
458
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,007
And with my brothers,
the Stonecutters, behind me,
459
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,886
this is the beginning
of a better world for all of us.
460
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,763
-We got to kill him!
-Take it easy, Moe.
461
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,974
Let's hear from
the Stonecutter World Council
462
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,852
-before we act too rashly.
-Kill him!
463
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,520
-Kill him!
-Kill the fool!
464
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,105
Afraid I have to disagree
465
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,441
with Orville, Jack, and Mister.
466
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,860
Can't we just do something
to his voice box?
467
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,154
We might as well face the truth.
468
00:19:57,237 --> 00:20:01,241
As long as we're Stonecutters,
he will control our lives.
469
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:06,371
Maybe, but maybe we don't want
to be Stonecutters no more.
470
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,421
BARNEY: Hey, this much better than
the old Stonecutter hall.
471
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:15,839
-(all clamoring)
-Silence!
472
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,467
I now call to order
the first meeting
473
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,470
of the Ancient Mystic Society
of...
474
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,804
No Homers.
475
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,599
-(cheering)
-(rapping on glass)
476
00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,893
Hey, fellas, can I join?
477
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,562
Sorry. No Homers.
478
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,564
-(chuckles)
-Aw!
479
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,025
Loyal Stonecutters!
480
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:38,403
Let us begin our reenactment
of the Battle of Gettysburg!
481
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,073
(monkeys chattering)
482
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,075
Homer, you can't
just keep hanging out
483
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,868
with these
colobus monkeys.
484
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,287
Somebody's going
to get parasites.
485
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,416
Oh, Marge, kids,
I miss my club.
486
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,503
-Oh, Homie.
-(monkey screeches)
487
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:58,215
You know, you are a member
of a very exclusive club.
488
00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:00,801
-The Black Panthers?
-No.
489
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:02,636
The Family Simpson,
490
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:05,389
which has just five members.
491
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:07,307
And only two of those members
492
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,892
have special rings.
493
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,686
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
494
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:11,895
(whistles whirring)
495
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,855
I meant our wedding rings!
496
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,440
(whistles wind down)
497
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,901
You know, Marge,
you're right.
498
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:21,363
The Simpson Family is
the best possible club
499
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,781
I could belong to.
500
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,284
-(blow lands)
-HOMER: Ow!
501
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:28,829
Ow! Ah! Ack! Ah!
502
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:29,955
This club better
be worth it!
503
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,707
Ow! Ee! Ah!
504
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,292
All right, all right.
505
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,376
It's Lisa's turn.
506
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:43,760
♪♪
507
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,514
♪ Who controls
the British crown? ♪
508
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,766
♪ Who keeps
the metric system down? ♪
509
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:53,979
♪ We do, we do ♪
510
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,398
♪ Who keeps Atlantis
off the maps? ♪
511
00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:57,983
♪ Who keeps the Martians
under wraps? ♪
512
00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:02,529
♪ We do, we do ♪
513
00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:06,575
♪ Who holds back
the electric car? ♪
514
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:09,036
♪ Who makes Steve Guttenberg ♪
515
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,954
♪ A star? ♪
516
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:15,000
♪ We do, we do ♪
517
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,127
♪ Who robs cave fish
of their sight? ♪
518
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:19,254
♪ Who rigs every
Oscar night? ♪
519
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,591
♪ We do ♪
520
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,635
♪ We do! ♪
521
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:28,055
-Shh!
-KARL: Shut up!
522
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:34,019
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.