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00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,755
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,219
(bell ringing)
3
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(tires screeching)
4
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849
D'oh!
5
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,101
-Aah!
-(tires screeching)
6
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-(goofy laugh)
-(cheering)
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00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,554
When Krusty wants to,
he can still blow them away.
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00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,765
Yes, he can take a simple,
everyday thing
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00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,892
like eating a bicycle
and make it funny.
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00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,936
See you tomorrow, kids.
(laughing)
11
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,814
But before I go,
I'd just like to say...
12
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-(bicycle bell ringing)
-(laughter)
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♪♪
14
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Ah, there's nothing better
than a cigarette,
15
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,037
unless it's a cigarette
lit with a hundred-dollar bill.
16
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Put 5,000 bucks on the Lakers.
17
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,833
Hire Kenny G. To play
for me in the elevator.
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00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,293
My house is dirty,
buy me a clean one.
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00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:28,880
Krusty, as your accountant,
I must warn you...
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Did you send those 1,000 roses
to Bea Arthur's grave?
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Yes, but she's still--
22
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I don't want to hear
the end of any sentences.
23
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WOMAN:
George Carlin on three.
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00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,889
Yeah? Lawsuit?
25
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Oh, come on.
26
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,934
My "Seven words you can't
say on TV" bit
27
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was entirely different
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from your "Seven words you can't
say on TV" bit.
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So I'm a thief, am I?
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-Well, excuse me!
-(receiver slams)
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Give him ten grand.
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WOMAN:
Steve Martin on four.
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Ten grand.
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Krusty, in regards
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00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,410
to the large wager you made
on yesterday's horse race.
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Oh, come on, how about letting
me go double or nothing
37
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,248
on the big opera tonight.
38
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-Who do you like?
-The tenor.
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00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,960
Okay,
40
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,545
but we're only
letting the bet ride
41
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,506
because you crack us
so consistently up.
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00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,969
You've got to stop blowing
your money like this, Krusty.
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00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:16,970
No can do.
44
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,850
And those ridiculous
bets you make.
45
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,935
Gambling is the finest thing
a person can do
46
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,311
if he's good at it.
47
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,896
But you haven't won anything
in months.
48
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,857
So I'll just make
some more money.
49
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,608
Crank out some
cheesy merchandise.
50
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,360
But you've already
merchandized everything.
51
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,820
Krusty's Monopoly game.
52
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,905
The Krusty crowd control
barrier.
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Nothing is selling anymore.
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00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,367
Not even your new
Lady Krusty line.
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00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,828
But our infomercials
are running 24 hours a day.
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So what do you think
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00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,917
of the Lady Krusty moustache
removal system now, Angelique?
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00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,378
It's Krusteriffic,
Johnny Unitas.
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00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,881
But is my upper lip
supposed to bleed like this?
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00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,507
Probably.
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00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,509
At this rate,
you'll be broke in a month.
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00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,970
The only thing left to do
is to open a clown college
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00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,847
and train some
regional Krusties.
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00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,474
You mean like that bozo,
Bonko the Clown?
65
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,310
-Exactly.
-Forget it.
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00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,937
I'll just cut back
on the condor egg omelets.
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00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,857
Mmm, a couple of those
would be tasty right now.
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00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,150
I'll found
the college tomorrow.
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00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,326
(gasps) It must be
the first of the month.
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00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,869
New billboard day!
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00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,876
(laughing)
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00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:30,835
Finders keepers.
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00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,883
"This year, give her
English muffins."
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00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,801
Whatever you say,
Mr. Billboard.
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00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:45,725
"Best in the West."
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(chuckles)
That rhymes.
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Clown college?
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00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,734
-You can't eat that.
-(tires screech)
79
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,736
(crow caws)
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00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:58,863
Well, I got everything
I was supposed to get.
81
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,491
I'm not going to enroll
in that clown college, though.
82
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:05,453
That advertisement
had no effect on me whatsoever.
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00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,923
(circus music playing)
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00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,341
Hey, Homer, the section
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00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,093
you're supposed
to be monitoring is on fire.
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00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,680
(circus music playing)
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(screaming)
88
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,893
(circus music playing)
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00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,144
(chuckles)
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00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,896
Clowns are funny.
91
00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:43,324
Mom?
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00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,076
I think I'll have
some wine.
93
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,167
Marge...
94
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,252
Yes, Homey?
95
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,962
(humming circus music)
96
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,463
That's it.
97
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,881
You people have stood
in my way long enough.
98
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,634
I'm going to clown college.
99
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,344
(door slams)
100
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,680
I don't think any of us
expected him to say that.
101
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,266
Hurry up.
102
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,851
It's my first day
of clown college.
103
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:12,061
Hold still, Homer.
Don't squirm.
104
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,273
I am holding still.
I am squirming.
105
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,984
Dad, you can't just go around
pretending to be Krusty.
106
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:18,985
It's sacrilege.
107
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,278
He's a one and only.
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00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,988
I mean, he invented
the pie fight,
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00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,906
the pratfall,
and the seltzer bottle.
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00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,074
As far as I know.
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00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,701
Yeah, Dad, it was
bad enough
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00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,369
when you tried to pass
yourself off as Tom Bosley.
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00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,121
But Krusty?
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00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,749
You weren't complaining
when I got you this close
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00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,500
to Chachi.
116
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,169
What's a Chachi?
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00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:43,551
All right. There can only be
one Krusty in each territory,
118
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,762
so I hope this works out.
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Tell me where you're from.
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00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,639
-Georgia.
-Texas.
121
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,017
Uh, Brooklyn.
122
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,018
Russia.
123
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,019
New Hampshire.
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00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,354
Homer.
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00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,189
Okay, we'll start
off with the baggy--
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00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,357
What?
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00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,816
Those are supposed
to be baggy pants.
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00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,234
Baggy!
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00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:03,237
Ooh, I've never had
a pair of pants
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00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,490
that fit this well
in my life.
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00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,993
Okay, memorize these
funny place names.
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00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,377
(laughing)
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00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,087
Stop it, you're killing me!
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Seattle!
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00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,053
(groaning)
136
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,263
And now, everybody's favorite:
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00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,141
the Spin Cycle
Fantastique trick.
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00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,394
It's a great piece of buffoonery
if you pull it off.
139
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,605
But if you blow it,
you'll look like a fool.
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00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,110
Steady...
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00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,069
Steady.
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00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,074
Now, when the wealthy
dowager comes in,
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00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,617
the party's over, right?
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00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,868
Wrong!
145
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,789
Kill wealthy dowager.
146
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,881
Uh, burn that seat.
147
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,717
These Krusty brand balloons
are three bucks each.
148
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,970
But get a cheap one
and what happens?
149
00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:12,098
Goes off, takes out the eyeballs
of every kid in the room.
150
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,975
What's that gonna cost you?
151
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,435
Hey, Bill, what did
that cost us?
152
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,865
(humming)
153
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,661
Hmm!
154
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,204
-(chuckles)
-(coughing)
155
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,123
(laughing)
156
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:40,293
Wow! I'm sorry I doubted
you before, Dad.
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00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:41,919
If there has to be
158
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,838
a bastardized version of Krusty,
I'm glad it's you.
159
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,673
Thanks, honey. Bank shot.
160
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:46,883
Wow!
161
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,551
That's good aim, Dad.
162
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,386
Well, it was my major.
163
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,265
Welcome to the noble family
of skilled Krustaceans.
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00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:56,851
You will now go back
to your hometowns
165
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:59,353
and do kids' parties,
swap meets,
166
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,355
and all the other piddling crap
167
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,233
I wouldn't touch
with a ten-foot clown pole.
168
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,235
Now come and get
your cat skins...
169
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,237
Uh, I mean sheep skins.
170
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,325
(crowd clamoring)
171
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,327
(buzzing)
172
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,329
This is the happiest
day of my life...
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-(buzzing)
-(cries out)
174
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,666
Got it.
No shock for me.
175
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,793
-(giggling)
-Oh, yeah?
176
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,253
-(grunts)
-(cries out)
177
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,757
-(repeated buzzing)
-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
178
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:31,385
(children cheering)
179
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:38,184
And now to help introduce
our fantastic new burger,
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00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,019
the one with ketchup,
181
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,439
here he is,
coming in by parachute,
182
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,607
Krusty the Clown!
183
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,945
(Homer screaming)
184
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029
(thuds)
185
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,245
(laughing)
186
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,247
(cheering)
187
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,418
"To audience.
188
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:08,464
"I now proclaim
this new burger...
189
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,174
For sale!"
190
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,760
(applause)
191
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,096
(laughing)
192
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,430
(grunting)
193
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,767
Ohh!
194
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,060
Lord, save me.
195
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,604
(children cheering)
196
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,983
It's the Krusty burglar.
197
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,279
Oh, my God.
He's stealing all the burgers!
198
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,280
Why, you little!
199
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,864
I've got you!
200
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,284
-Ow! Ow!
-Oh, Homer!
201
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,578
It's-- It's--
It's all just an act.
202
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:39,745
Stop!
203
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,372
Stop!
204
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,416
He's already dead!
205
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,001
Let go!
206
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,295
Get him!
Get him!
207
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,839
Uh, Krusty the Clown, everybody!
208
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,300
(scattered applause)
209
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:56,262
Please look at my MedicAlert bracelet.
(groans)
210
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,722
(horn honking)
211
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,640
(cheering)
212
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,641
(tires screeching)
213
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,021
Yah! Ooh!
214
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,314
(groans)
215
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,816
Oh. Hey. Hey.
216
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,693
(cheering)
217
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,654
And then, take that
218
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,948
and put that in there,
and you...
219
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,533
Ahh!
220
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,368
There's your giraffe,
little girl.
221
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,494
I'm a boy.
222
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:21,746
That's the spirit.
223
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,456
Never give up.
224
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,833
I guess you're pretty impressed,
huh, Bart?
225
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,252
My dad got
Krusty the Clown
226
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,087
to personally appear
at my party.
227
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:33,049
I have a feeling I could get him
to appear at my house.
228
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,842
I don't know, Bart.
229
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,719
My dad's a pretty big wheel
230
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,513
down at the cracker factory.
231
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,767
-(kids clamoring)
-(humming)
232
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,727
(laughing)
233
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,729
(groans)
234
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,731
Uh, it's not
5:30 yet.
235
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,108
(groans)
236
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,486
(humming)
237
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:54,695
(laughing)
238
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,619
-Hey, nice threads.
-I'm beat.
239
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,747
And after work,
I got to dedicate a new Jiffy Lube
240
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,874
and cohost
the Ace awards.
241
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,626
Wow! Jiffy Lube!
242
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,461
Boy, you're really
running yourself ragged.
243
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:13,714
Oh, yeah. When I started
this clown thing,
244
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,883
I thought it would be
nothing but glory.
245
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,886
You know, the glory
of being a clown?
246
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:22,973
But I tell you,
it's hard, tiring work.
247
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:26,477
But when I see the smiles
on their little faces,
248
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,855
I just know they're getting
ready to jab me with something.
249
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,736
My time's almost up here,
so I'd just like to say
250
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:36,862
I know Woody Allen.
251
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,198
(scattered applause)
252
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,702
And now the winner
for the most promising
253
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,620
new series on cable...
254
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,497
Old "Starsky and Hutches."
255
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,124
♪♪
256
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,792
ANNOUNCER:
Accepting the award
257
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,002
is the son of the guy
who played Huggy Bear.
258
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,462
(scattered applause)
259
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,342
Let's walk and talk.
260
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,885
I have some
wonderful stories
261
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,846
about other famous people
that include me in some way.
262
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,223
Can't. I gotta go distract
bulls at a rodeo.
263
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:05,766
Hey, me, too.
We can go together.
264
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,394
Uh... No, I'm going
a different way
265
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,729
than you, Dick.
266
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,439
Your churlish
attitude reminds me
267
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,232
of a time I was having
dinner with Groucho--
268
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,025
Look, you're gonna be having
dinner with Groucho tonight
269
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,026
if you don't beat it.
270
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,820
(engine chugging)
271
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,157
Ah, being a clown sucks.
272
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,576
You get kicked by kids,
bit by dogs,
273
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,202
and admired by the elderly.
274
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,454
Who am I clowning?
275
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:28,414
I have no business
being a clown.
276
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,040
I'm leaving
the clowning business
277
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,792
to all the other clowns
in the clowning business.
278
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,335
(siren wailing)
279
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,587
Ah, no.
280
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,590
Well, well, well,
velocity boy.
281
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,633
I'm gonna give you the
biggest ticket you...
282
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,343
Hey! Krusty!
283
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,970
I'm not Krusty.
284
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,889
To think I was going
to give you a ticket!
285
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:45,890
Krusty the Clown!
286
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,141
I am not Krusty!
287
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,476
Hey, Krusty, Krusty,
288
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,060
you remember that time
we got loaded
289
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,520
and set those
beavers loose
290
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,147
in that pine
furniture store?
291
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,899
(laughing)
292
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,484
Ah, memories.
293
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,694
All right, you take
it easy, Krusty.
294
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,653
(door slamming)
295
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,073
Hey, he didn't give me a ticket.
296
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,118
This is
an intriguing development.
297
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,704
(gasps) You mean I get five percent off
on everything in the store
298
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,331
just because I look like--
299
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,209
I mean, just because
I am Krusty the Clown?
300
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,668
How could I charge full price
301
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,879
to the man whose lust
for filthy magazines
302
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,673
kept me in business during
that first shaky year?
303
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:23,344
By the way, here is your new issue
of "Gigantic Asses".
304
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,221
I'm telling you, Marge,
this will work.
305
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,056
They'll think I'm Krusty
and give us free stuff.
306
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,099
I've been getting
free stuff all day.
307
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,310
Look at this swell bucket
of house paint.
308
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:32,686
Look at it.
309
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,104
I'm not saying
it won't work.
310
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,397
I'm just saying
it's dishonest.
311
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,025
Well. If we agree,
then why are we arguing?
312
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,569
Hey, Krusty!
313
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,989
Hey, ooh, beautiful
date tonight, huh?
314
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,867
And such lovely
children you have.
315
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,202
I'm more striking
than lovely.
316
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,663
You come a-with me.
Come with Luigi.
317
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,331
You don't want to sit
318
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,958
with the rest of this a-scum.
319
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,584
(all protesting)
320
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,545
I only consider you scum
321
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,088
compared to Krusty.
322
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,715
-Well, all right.
-Well, okay.
323
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,175
Yeah, you see
how you scum.
324
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,844
(crowd cheering on TV)
325
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,430
Let me get this straight.
326
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,266
You took all the money you made
franchising your name
327
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,518
and bet it against
the Harlem Globetrotters?
328
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,688
Oh, I thought
the Generals were due.
329
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,815
("Sweet Georgia Brown"
playing)
330
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,526
He's spinning the ball
on his finger!
331
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:21,735
Just take it!
332
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,862
Take the ball!
333
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,074
That game was fixed.
334
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,994
They were using a freakin' ladder
for God sakes.
335
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:34,081
I am afraid the time has come
for you to pay us.
336
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:35,124
Look, I'm cleaned out.
337
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,084
Just take the clown college.
338
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,586
We have already taken it.
339
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,671
Kids have a lot
of money these days
340
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,381
so after you finish
your performance,
341
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,549
you might consider robbing them.
342
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:45,885
Look, what can I tell you?
343
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,761
You can't get blood
from a turnip.
344
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,931
You want to kill me,
go ahead and kill me.
345
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,141
(gunfire)
346
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,726
Oh, hey, hey, all right,
okay already!
347
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,769
Look, we can talk this over.
348
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,062
No more talk.
349
00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,024
It is time for us
to take you for a ride.
350
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,692
Oh, no!
351
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:04,153
Mind if I go
to the bathroom first?
352
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:07,031
I see no harm in that.
353
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,032
(door slamming)
354
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,533
(window opening)
355
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,660
(car door slamming
and tires screeching)
356
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,747
(plane flying overhead)
357
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,500
When he's done in there,
I got to go.
358
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,841
Okay, wherever Krusty's gone,
we'll find him.
359
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,843
Legs, you check out
the east side.
360
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,803
Louie, Rome and Budapest.
361
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,556
Tell the boys I want
a total world search.
362
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,558
-Right, boss.
-Right, boss.
363
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,477
I want a free car
because I'm Krusty.
364
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,395
Krusty the Clown!
365
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,438
Get it?
366
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,106
-(honking horn)
-Krusty.
367
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,278
Cancel the world search.
368
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:49,698
I want everything that's
coming to Krusty the Clown,
369
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,868
which is me, Krusty.
370
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,620
Hey, it's Krusty, all right.
371
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,081
Should I shoot him
gangland style
372
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,457
or execution style?
373
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,335
-Listen to your heart.
-(gun cocks)
374
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,128
Well, I can't give
you the car, Krusty.
375
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,838
But I can let you have
this little number
376
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,466
for practically nothing--
Only 38,000.
377
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,510
(gunshots)
378
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,428
Hey, what are all these holes?
379
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,430
These are speed holes.
They make the car go faster.
380
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,225
Oh, yeah. Speed holes.
381
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,060
(gunshots)
382
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,604
You want my advice?
383
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,939
I think you should
buy this car.
384
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,273
(clicking)
385
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,191
We need more ammo.
386
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,192
Let's go to Big 5.
387
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:30,114
Krusty, your plastic surgery
is complete.
388
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,991
When I remove the bandages
389
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,284
don't be alarmed by
the total stranger
390
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,411
staring back at you.
391
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,956
(screaming)
392
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,583
I look exactly the same,
you moron!
393
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,377
Nonsense, Krusty.
394
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,879
You look at least ten years younger,
plus, I did your breasts.
395
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,424
Does anyone hear me complaining
about the breasts?
396
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,300
Oh, what's the use in hiding?
397
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,262
I got to go back to Springfield
and face the music.
398
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,347
Can you loan me
bus fare?
399
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,724
Hey, hey, hey!
400
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,106
What you
diddley-doing, neighbor?
401
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,733
Putting speed holes
in my car.
402
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,109
Makes it go faster.
403
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,485
Is that so?
404
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,654
Gee, maybe the old
Flanders-mobile could use...
405
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:11,697
(gunshot)
406
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,910
Wow! Lucky I always keep
a bible close to my heart.
407
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:17,870
(gunshot)
408
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,083
Lucky I was wearing
an extra-large piece
409
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,544
of the true cross today.
410
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:26,670
I think I'll go inside.
411
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,339
(gunshot)
412
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,008
What keeps doing that?
413
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,385
I told you we should have bought
more than three bullets.
414
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,512
Let's just grab him.
415
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,472
(muffled screaming)
416
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,185
But wait, you can't kill me
for being Krusty.
417
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,186
I'm not him.
418
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:43,729
I'm Homer Simpson.
419
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,397
The same Homer Simpson
who crashed his car
420
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,899
through the wall
of our club?
421
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,609
Uh, actually,
my name is Barney.
422
00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:49,985
Yeah, Barney Gumble.
423
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,403
The same Barney Gumble
424
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,781
who keeps taking pictures
of my sister?
425
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,824
Actually, my real name is, uh...
426
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,077
Think, Krusty, think...
Joe Valachi.
427
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,537
The same Joe Valachi who squealed
to the senate committee
428
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,039
about organized crime?
429
00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,207
Benedict Arnold.
430
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,958
The same Benedict Arnold
who plotted
431
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,502
to surrender West Point
to the hated British?
432
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,461
D'oh!
433
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,802
I am so glad I had
a chance to meet you
434
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:19,598
before we did this, Krusty,
because I am a great fan.
435
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,476
Don Vittorio DiMaggio.
436
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:24,561
Krusty the Clown.
437
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:28,107
-Sorry I have to do this, Krusty.
-(gun cocking)
438
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,569
I cannot do it.
439
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,447
To murder a funny man
of such genius
440
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,907
would be a crime.
441
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,077
Tell you what, Krusty.
442
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,204
Do for me my
favorite trick,
443
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,748
where you ride the little bike
through the loop
444
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,834
and I will let you live.
445
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,919
But I've never been
able to do the--
446
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,255
Hey, how about if I just squirt you
in the face with my boutonniere?
447
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,339
-(gun cocks)
-Okay.
448
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,968
I'll never be able
to do this trick.
449
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,928
-Never.
-Go! Go!
450
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,515
Oh, oh, oh! Hey!
451
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,517
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it!
452
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,019
I'm the greatest clown
in the world!
453
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,693
(body thuds)
454
00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:14,945
Ta-da!
455
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:18,073
The fact that you did not
do the trick well
456
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,742
is the biggest insult of all.
457
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:24,329
Hey, guys, I came to, uh...
458
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,331
Oh, you've got a deadly game
of cat and mouse going.
459
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,792
-I'll come back.
-(gasps)
460
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,503
I'm seeing double here.
Four Krusties.
461
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,838
Krusty!
462
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,464
Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot!
463
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,508
You came here to save me!
464
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,219
Yeah, that's what I did.
465
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,847
My apologies to you.
466
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,058
I almost made
a grievous error.
467
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,643
Good-bye, Krusty.
468
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,562
Wait! He can't kill anybody
469
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,480
if he doesn't know
which one's the real Krusty.
470
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,858
Oh, whoa!
471
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,443
Hup, ha ha!
472
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,820
I am confused.
473
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,114
Heh-heh.
Good one, Krusty.
474
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,741
-(gun cocking)
-Oh, crap.
475
00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,827
Because of that
disrespectful display,
476
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,205
I shall now kill
both of you.
477
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,498
Unless...
478
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,293
you both go through the loop
479
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,586
together.
480
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:13,795
(both gasping)
481
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:17,591
(grunting)
482
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:22,930
I can't see, you idiot!
483
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,598
Take your hands off my eyes.
484
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:28,852
ALL:
Ooh!
485
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:34,191
(glasses chiming
the "Godfather" theme)
486
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,859
ALL:
Aah!
487
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,278
(screaming)
Uh-oh!
488
00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:43,617
-Hey!
-Hey!
489
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:44,868
Not bad.
490
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,329
Without the loop,
it is nothing.
491
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,749
Whoa!
492
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,626
(crying out)
493
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,715
♪ Ta-da! ♪
494
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,926
-Gah!
-(gulps)
495
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,094
(bicycle bell ringing)
496
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,680
TOGETHER:
Yay, Krusties!
497
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,139
-Ha-ha.
-Hey, hey.
498
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,933
Grazie, grazie.
499
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:12,104
You have brought great joy
to this old Italian stereotype.
500
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,106
No, no, Don Vittorio,
you're not...
501
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,107
Yes, I am.
502
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,441
I know it, I am.
503
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,986
Anyway, thank you, Krusty.
504
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:19,987
You're welcome.
505
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,780
So we're even now, huh?
506
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:24,032
No, we just
won't kill you.
507
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,493
But you still
owe us the money.
508
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,787
Forty-eight dollars.
509
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:29,955
Here's 50.
510
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,124
And two your change.
511
00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:33,333
And we thank you.
512
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,633
♪♪
513
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:26,678
Shh.
514
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,559
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.