1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,922 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,177 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,387 (tires screech) 4 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:15,724 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,018 -(screams) -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:39,205 Ah... this place is going to smell classy all week. 7 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,666 To Homer-- the Wall Street genius! 8 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,501 (cheering) 9 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,881 Ah, ooh, ooh, ooh! 10 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,011 Hey, Homer, how come you got 11 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,929 money to burn, or singe anyway? 12 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,848 Yeah Homer, what's your secret investment? 13 00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:58,433 Take a guess. 14 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,851 Uh, pumpkins? 15 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,853 Yeah, that's right, Barney. 16 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,105 This year, I invested in pumpkins. 17 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,608 They've been going up the whole month of October, 18 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,151 and I got a feeling 19 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,862 they're going to peak right around January 20 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,989 and, bang, that's when I'll cash in. 21 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,450 To Homer, and to Sergeant Pepper 22 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:18,703 who is growing out of the middle of your back. 23 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,456 Uh, Barn, you got to unwrap the plastic 24 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,707 before you smoke these. 25 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,125 To Homer. Yeah! 26 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,669 MAN: Way to go, Homer! 27 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,380 (flies buzzing) 28 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,633 Homer, you knuckle-beak, I told you a hundred times 29 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:32,801 you got to sell your pumpkin futures 30 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,552 before Halloween, before. 31 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,346 Alright, let's not panic. 32 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,764 I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers. 33 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,390 I can get by with one. 34 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:42,644 Oh, how am I going to tell Marge we're broke? 35 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,771 I need a miracle. 36 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,481 My house is on fire! 37 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,650 Whoo-hoo! Insurance to the rescue! 38 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,113 (groans) 39 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,322 BOTH: Hello, Homer. 40 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,660 Marge, we had a deal. 41 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:00,245 Your sisters don't come here after 6:00, 42 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,413 and I stop eating your lipstick. 43 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,457 This is a special occasion. 44 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,793 Patty and Selma just got promoted at the D.M.V. 45 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:07,877 Yeah, Homer. 46 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,464 Let your wife have a glimpse of success for once. 47 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,966 All right. 48 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,676 That's the last straw. 49 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:18,138 Time to take out the trash, but first 50 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,265 I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 51 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,891 (both grunt) 52 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,900 I'm sorry. 53 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,569 Homer doesn't mean to be rude. 54 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,779 He's just a very complicated man. 55 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:35,780 Wrong! 56 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,490 When are you going to wake up 57 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,200 and smell your husband, Marge? 58 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,369 Granted, you got some kids out of him, 59 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:42,704 but when the seeds have been planted, 60 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,205 you throw away the envelope. 61 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,040 I wish you wouldn't put Homer down like that. 62 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,834 He may not be a big success like you, 63 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,586 but I can always count on him 64 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,254 to provide for the family. 65 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:55,049 Oh, sweet, trusting Marge, I can't let you down. 66 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,343 I'll get some money somehow. 67 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,804 (keypad beeping) 68 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,139 Hello. Vegas? 69 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,183 Give me a hundred bucks on red. 70 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,102 D'oh! All right, I'll send you a check. 71 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,982 If only I could think of an invention. 72 00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,817 Something that would really make money. 73 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,029 Must concentrate and work harder than I've ever worked... 74 00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,031 (snoring) 75 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,828 Congratulations, Mr. Simpson. 76 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,079 This invention of yours 77 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,874 has made us all rich, especially you. 78 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,292 It's simple yet ingenious 79 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,461 and it fits right in the palm of your hand. 80 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,630 Every person in America now owns one of these 81 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,298 and in many cases, three or four. 82 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,799 Could I just get a look at that? 83 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,509 Why would you need to see it? 84 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,054 You're the genius who invented the product in question. 85 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,388 But, uh, could I just-- 86 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,015 Now don't worry, you'll get to see it 87 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:46,142 just as soon as we unveil our new ad campaign. 88 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,894 -Ooh! -Ooh! 89 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,604 Let me see! Let me see! Out of the way! 90 00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:51,522 Homer! Homer, wake up! 91 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,275 There's still a few minutes till our usual bedtime. 92 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,652 Ooh, my invention! 93 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,654 All my money problems could have... 94 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,030 Money problems? Homer, are we 95 00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,907 in some sort of fiduciary trouble? 96 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,788 Oh, Marge, my loyal wife, 97 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,915 of course not. 98 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,168 And Lisa, my little princess. 99 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,921 And who could forget dear Rat Boy? 100 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,047 Rat Boy? I resent that. 101 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,174 (chomping) 102 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,342 Bart, I told you before-- 103 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,135 stop gnawing on the drywall. 104 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,304 What a day, eh, Milhouse? 105 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,265 The sun is out, birds are singing. 106 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,267 Bees are trying to have sex with them-- 107 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,726 as is my understanding. 108 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,020 It is a gorgeously fabulous day. 109 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,689 Marvelous even. 110 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,609 So, uh, what's your hurry to get to school? 111 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:37,819 Nothing. 112 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,320 What's your hurry? 113 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,157 That's enough, Bart. 114 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,701 Fun is fun, but if we're late, 115 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:45,868 we're going to get in trouble. 116 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,453 You're right, Milhouse. 117 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,997 Fun is fun. 118 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,458 (whistling) 119 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:55,670 SKINNER: Attention, students. It's time once again 120 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,171 to choose a gym class for the coming term, 121 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,590 so let's all prove how adult we can be 122 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,968 by filing to the gym in a calm and orderly manner, 123 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,886 even though it's first come, first serve, 124 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,471 and the most popular sports fill up fast. 125 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,557 (screaming) 126 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,727 Aargh, too many wee ones! 127 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,689 This gets uglier every year. 128 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,566 Any sign of Bart and Milhouse? 129 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,443 No. And if they don't get here soon, 130 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,236 it'll be T.S. for them. 131 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,156 -(grunting) -(splashing) 132 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,991 I don't feel right. 133 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,034 (bell ringing) 134 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,660 Do you hear that, Bart? 135 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,370 That was the tardy bell. 136 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,664 "Truant! Truant! Truant!" They'll all say. 137 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,125 -(screams) -Aw, who needs him? 138 00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:35,418 I can have fun all by myself. 139 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,586 (high voice): S'all right? 140 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:37,837 (low voice): S'all right. 141 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,088 S'all right? S'all right. 142 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,506 S'all right? S'all right. 143 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,343 (snickers) 144 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,762 Sure Homer, I can loan you all the money you need. 145 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,723 However, since you have no collateral, 146 00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:51,726 I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance. 147 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,644 Gosh, Moe, I use these all the time. 148 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,646 Couldn't you just bash my head in? 149 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,273 Hey, hey, are you a loan shark? 150 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,359 Do you understand how finance works? 151 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,485 Now, let's do this thing. 152 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,406 (children chattering) 153 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:08,951 Oh, no. 154 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,286 It's P.E. sign-up day. 155 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,621 How could you forget? 156 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,664 They had signs posted all over the library. 157 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,750 Better sign up for something fast, man. 158 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,668 Baseball just filled up... Ow! 159 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,712 So did tae kwon do. 160 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,005 Uh... 161 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,007 Oh... 162 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,050 Oh... 163 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,178 (groans) 164 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,721 Oh... 165 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,849 (chuckles) There's only one class left, 166 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:35,603 but it happens to be the coolest one of all. 167 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,815 Ballet? Dancing is for girls. 168 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,942 Well, you should have gotten here earlier. 169 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:44,904 Uh, I need another extension on my mortgage payments. 170 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,365 I understand that Mr. Simpson, but according to our computer, 171 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,742 your credit history is not good. 172 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,829 It says here that you've been pre-declined for every major credit card. 173 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:55,540 It also says that you once grabbed a dog by the hind legs 174 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,917 and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner. 175 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,085 That was in the third grade. 176 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,379 Well, it all goes on your permanent record. 177 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,798 I'm sorry, but if you don't come up with that money by tomorrow, 178 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,174 the bank is going to take your house. 179 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,051 Well, good luck finding it 180 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,928 because I'm gonna take the numbers off tonight. 181 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,930 Well, we'll look for the house with no numbers. 182 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,015 Then I'll take off the numbers on my neighbor's house. 183 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,144 So then we'll look for the house next to the house with no numbers. 184 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,771 All right, you'll get your money. 185 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,773 You're my last last chance-- 186 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,483 bottom-of-the-barrel, hail-mary, 187 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,652 longshot-wish-you-would-do-it but-probably-won't 188 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,654 final resort to lend me money. 189 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:27,864 We'll take care of you. 190 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,615 Yes, care. 191 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,325 (evil laughter) 192 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,997 (chuckling) 193 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,291 (laughing harder) 194 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,718 (bellowing) 195 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:51,804 Cut him a check 196 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,598 and get him the hell out of here. 197 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,814 What a wonderful dinner. What a beautiful family. 198 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,192 Someone get a picture of me with my arm around this steak. 199 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,860 You're certainly in a good mood tonight, Dad. 200 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,570 Well, Lisa, 201 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,614 I managed to solve a little problem today, 202 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:13,201 and to celebrate, I'm going to tilt my chair. 203 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:16,954 -(wood creaks) -Mmm, slanty. 204 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,664 (growling) 205 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,708 Patty, Selma? What are you doing here? 206 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,628 We thought we'd stop by unexpectedly for dinner. 207 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,923 Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law. 208 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,466 Time to fertilize the lawn. 209 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:31,552 A couple of 500-pound bags should do it. 210 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,137 Homer, be careful with my sisters' heads. 211 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,972 Their necks are brittle. 212 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,141 That's okay, Marge. Nothing's broke-- 213 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,726 except Homer. 214 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,645 -(gasps) -What's that supposed to mean? 215 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,897 -It means-- -(muffled) 216 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,691 It means these two fabulous babes 217 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,401 are staying for dinner. 218 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,070 (both gasping) 219 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:51,906 Now, there's a stink I could have done without. 220 00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:54,534 This has been such a nice, peaceful dinner. 221 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:55,785 It calls for a celebration. 222 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,286 I'm going to make 223 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,372 the most international coffee in the house-- 224 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,457 Montreal Morn. 225 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:04,835 All right, you had your fun. 226 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,254 Now get lost. 227 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,089 Oh, our fun hasn't begun yet. 228 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:09,048 Huh? 229 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:15,680 We know something you don't want Marge to know. 230 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,473 Now we own you 231 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,017 like Siegfried owns Roy. 232 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,145 I'm sorry. All we have is Nescafe. 233 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,481 I'm very, very sorry. 234 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,525 Oh, Marge, Marge. You're just in time. 235 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,736 Homer's getting ready to give us a foot rub. 236 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:31,737 You are? 237 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,657 No! I... uh... 238 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,202 I'm giving them a foot massage. 239 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,121 At least let me have that. 240 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,707 You can start with the corns. 241 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:46,168 Then you can move on to bunion country. 242 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,170 Okay. Steady, Bart. 243 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,716 Taking ballet doesn't make you any less of a man. 244 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,385 (snickering) 245 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,930 (Russian accent): All right, girls. 246 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,933 Today we learn the dance of the fairy queens. 247 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,394 You can either be a fairy or a queen. 248 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:04,770 It's wide open. 249 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,689 (groaning) 250 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,691 Ah, and what have we here? 251 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,736 A young man maybe who thinks he can be the next Baryshnikov? 252 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,571 I don't want to be the next anything. 253 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,823 I'm only taking this stupid class because they made me. 254 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,658 So, he has fire in the belly. 255 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,495 But it will take more than belly fire to be the next Baryshnikov. 256 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,956 Look, Boris, I think ballet's for sissies. 257 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,916 (laughs) 258 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,918 Ballet is for the strong, the fierce, the determined-- 259 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,003 but for the sissies... 260 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:30,212 Never. 261 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,006 Now, put on this fuchsiatard. 262 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,966 You, are a fairy. 263 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,051 (groans) 264 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,552 Quitting time. 265 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,928 Let's go Homer. On the way home, 266 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,388 we're stopping at Moe's for a Zima. 267 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,599 Maybe I'll just stay and work overtime. 268 00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:44,518 My sisters-in-law are at my house again. 269 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,145 Homer, quit wallowing in self-pity. 270 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:49,065 Pull yourself together and come get drunk with us. 271 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,151 ♪♪ (piano) 272 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,822 Is something wrong, Mr. Simpson? 273 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,491 I don't like wearing tights, ma'am. 274 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,369 But so many of your heroes wear tights. 275 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,536 Batman, for example 276 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,622 and... Magellan. 277 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,499 Look, I don't like this cootie platoon and I never will. 278 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:07,875 I'm out of here, 279 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:08,959 and I'm out of this stupid outfit. 280 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,339 (groaning) 281 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:14,548 Wait. 282 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,342 Joy of movement increasing. 283 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,803 Love of dance, impossible to resist. 284 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,262 (gasping) 285 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,348 Toes twinkling! 286 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:23,683 Look at me, girls. 287 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,226 I'm doing ballet! 288 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,436 And I love it! 289 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,273 Hmm. Am I wrong, 290 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,651 or did it just get fatter in here? 291 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,361 Request permission to slink by. 292 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,154 Permission pending. 293 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,489 First... 294 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,199 light our cigarettes. 295 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,867 But you're already smoking cig... 296 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,704 (both clearing throat) 297 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,039 You're really pushing it. 298 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,708 Come on, Homer. 299 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,961 You can't spell "obsequious" without "I-O-U." 300 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,462 I'll have to trust you on that. 301 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,256 Well, Marge was always a good speller. 302 00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:56,549 Let's ask her. 303 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,842 No! Don't tell Marge. 304 00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,635 I'll be good, I'll be good. 305 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,141 Ah, ah, ah, ahh... 306 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,477 Just for that, you have to crawl around on the floor 307 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,271 like the dog you are. 308 00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:11,480 (stammering) 309 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,982 Yes, ma'am. 310 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:13,983 (Patty laughing) 311 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,944 Now say "I am Homer Simpson, 312 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,738 the lowly dog" 313 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,197 in a dog's voice. 314 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,074 I am rrr-omer rrr-impson. 315 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,492 Good. Jump, Homer, jump. 316 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,411 What's going on in here? 317 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:26,871 Rabso-rutely rothing, Rarge. 318 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,497 -What's that paper? -What paper? 319 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,335 (gasps) 320 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,837 Homer. 321 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,422 Is this projection accurate? 322 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:39,341 Did you borrow money from my sisters? 323 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,093 I don't know Marge. I can't be expected to keep track 324 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,095 of all my wheelings and dealings. 325 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,015 He blew all your savings on jack-o'-lanterns. 326 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,767 (gasping) You told! 327 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,103 (Homer roaring) 328 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,104 Sorry, Marge. 329 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,105 (kissing) 330 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,399 (angry grunt) 331 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,444 I never want to see you again. You either. 332 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:01,781 Homer. Homer, why didn't you tell me? 333 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,616 I was ashamed, Marge. 334 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,576 I failed you as a husband and a provider, 335 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,537 and at best, I was a B-plus dog. 336 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,874 I'll understand if you wanna sleep on the couch tonight. 337 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,460 (door slams) 338 00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,964 How's Dad today? 339 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,383 Not too good, Lisa. 340 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,928 Frankly, he's underneath the table. 341 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:26,180 HOMER: Nobody make me any breakfast. 342 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,474 A man so deeply in debt doesn't deserve it. 343 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,976 But I like to make you breakfast. 344 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,062 HOMER: In that case, I'll just have French toast 345 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,064 with double butter and a side of bacon. 346 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,858 But no powdered sugar-- I don't deserve it. 347 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,235 Maybe a little powdered sugar. 348 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,992 See that? 349 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,619 I started to do, like, a little arabesque, 350 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,162 but then I just fully went for it 351 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,082 and pulled off the demi-entrechat. 352 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,668 Not that I'm into that kind of thing. 353 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,628 Bravissimo, Bart! 354 00:13:57,711 --> 00:14:00,506 Next week, class gives its first recital 355 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:03,592 and you, you will dance the male lead. 356 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,302 Dance in front of my whole school? 357 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,137 What is it with you and ballet? 358 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,265 I know you have great conflict, Bart. 359 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,724 You love ballet, 360 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:14,728 yet you fear the boys will laugh at you. No? 361 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,522 No. I fear the girls will laugh at me. 362 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,941 I fear the boys will beat the living snot out of me. 363 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,152 Hey Dad, what you doing? 364 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,613 Daddy has very important work to do. 365 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,823 He's looking through the want ads 366 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,491 to find a part-time job. 367 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,910 Dad, that's a gag paper we got at the carnival. 368 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,079 Oh. No wonder I didn't hear about Bart being elected 369 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,373 World's Greatest Sex Machine. 370 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,458 Aw, I'll never pay off that debt. 371 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,752 MAN: Need money fast? Got no experience? 372 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:42,590 Step up to elegance. Become a limo driver at Classy Joe's. 373 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:45,885 That's it! I'll make money with a chauffeur job. 374 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,220 Good thing you turned on that TV, Lisa. 375 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,514 I didn't turn it on. I thought you turned it on. 376 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,100 No. Well, anyway, turn it off. 377 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,310 It is off. 378 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,902 You're gonna have to work hard to win this crowd over. 379 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,695 Most of them are here as part of detention. 380 00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:06,655 Really big crowd. 381 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,198 Mm-hmm. We even bussed in troublemakers 382 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,283 from other schools. 383 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,284 (gulps) 384 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,964 That spiky-haired, masked dancer is really something. 385 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,132 I wonder who he is. 386 00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,593 He's graceful, yet masculine 387 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,929 So it's okay for me to enjoy this. 388 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,932 This reminds me of the movie Fame, 389 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,851 and to a lesser extent, the TV series 390 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,062 which was also called Fame. 391 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,108 Oh, wow. I can't believe 392 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,612 my very first passenger is comedy legend Mel Brooks. 393 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,198 I loved that movie Young Frankenstein. 394 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,033 Scared the hell out of me. 395 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,785 Um, thanks. 396 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,579 Hey, let's do that 2,000-pound-man thing. 397 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,790 I'll be the Carl Reiner guy, and you be what's-his-face. 398 00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,708 (chuckles) Homer, it's not that easy. 399 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,293 It takes the genius of Carl Reiner 400 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,128 and the rhythm and timing that only he and I... 401 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:06,173 Sir, today every country has a national anthem. 402 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:09,343 Did they have national anthems 2,000 years ago? 403 00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:12,513 (Yiddish accent) Sure. Sure we had. Of course we was caves. 404 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,974 But every cave had a national anthem. 405 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,851 I'll never forget my cave's national anthem. 406 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,520 What was that national anthem? 407 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,522 ♪ Let 'em all go to hell ♪ 408 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,607 ♪ Except Cave 76 ♪ 409 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,401 (siren wailing) 410 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,112 Vat's with the si-- What's with the siren? 411 00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:32,199 Evening, Simpson. You got a short in your taillight. 412 00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,659 Started blinking when you made that turn. 413 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,285 Let's see your Chauffeur's License. 414 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,830 Chauffeur's License, eh? 415 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,748 Mel, buckle your borscht belt! 416 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,668 (engine revving) 417 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,920 Since you're trying to make a getaway in park 418 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,423 I'm guessing you don't have a license. 419 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,341 Better head down to the D.M.V. 420 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,552 These two broads will help you out. 421 00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:53,178 (shrieking repeatedly) 422 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:56,432 Wow. Officer, this man is making me a little edgy. 423 00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,058 Could you please give me a ride to the airport? 424 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,978 Hey! Hey! You're Mel Brooks! 425 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,521 Sure. I'll give you a ride. 426 00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:03,981 Thank you. 427 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,483 On the way, we can do that 2,000-dollar-man thing. 428 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,068 (groans) 429 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,030 You be Carl Reiner, and I'll be Police Chief Wiggum. 430 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,324 Listen, why don't you play Carl Reiner and let me play Police Chief Wiggum? 431 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,951 I hate Carl Reiner. 432 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,666 I haven't been moved like this since the Joy Luck Club. 433 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:27,087 (audience oohing) 434 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:29,006 BART: They love me. I'm accepted. 435 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,591 I don't need this mask anymore. 436 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:34,219 Behold, the masked dancer is me, Bart. 437 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,263 (all gasp) 438 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,390 It is I who have won your acclaim. 439 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,476 Bart does ballet! 440 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,019 He dances like girls! 441 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,062 Ha, ha! 442 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,772 Go ahead and laugh, 443 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,648 but I took a chance and did something I wanted to do. 444 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:50,986 And if that makes me a sissy, well, then, I guess I'm a sissy. 445 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,822 He's a sissy. 446 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,324 Let's rush him. 447 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,326 -(boys yelling) -Yeah, let's get him! 448 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,660 Come on! 449 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,287 After him, go! 450 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:02,706 Uh-oh. 451 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,041 There he is! There, right there! 452 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,710 Bart, use the ballet. 453 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:10,506 Leap, leap like you've never leapt before. 454 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,637 (crashing) 455 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,472 (Bart groaning) 456 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,850 Looks like he took a pretty bad spill. 457 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,311 Well, as long as he's hurt. 458 00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:28,816 Bart, I am so proud of you. 459 00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,484 You've shown a sensitive side of yourself 460 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,985 that can never be erased. 461 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:34,738 From this day forward, we are kindred spirits. 462 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:38,492 Why did she just leave me here 463 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,953 when I clearly need medical attention? 464 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,667 Stupid driving test at the stupid D.M.V. 465 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,961 where stupid Patty and stupid Selma work. 466 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,088 Sometimes, I think God is teasing me, 467 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,549 just like he teased Moses in the desert. 468 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,551 Tested, Homer. God tested Moses. 469 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,886 And try to be nice to my sisters. 470 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,180 Very hard on me to have you fighting all the time. 471 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,683 Oh, okay, Marge. I'll get along with them. 472 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,685 Then, I will hug some snakes. 473 00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:09,189 Yes, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes! 474 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,732 Now, that's sarcasm. 475 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,820 Well, well, well. Look who needs us again 476 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,947 to get his Chauffeur's License. 477 00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:19,241 Look, all I ask is that you be fair. 478 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,910 Oh! Did not adjust side mirror-- minus one point. 479 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,329 Failed to check blind spot-- minus two points. 480 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,582 You won't be happy till my family thinks I'm a loser, will ya? 481 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,041 You are a loser, Homer. 482 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,294 And we're winners. Ya gotta learn that. 483 00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,629 Oh, seat belt twisted-- minus one point. 484 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,215 Nagging the driver-- minus ten points for you! 485 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,925 Grazed a cone-- minus five points. 486 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,260 Being a jerk-- minus a million points. 487 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,930 -(stifled) D-oh! -One more wrong answer, 488 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,267 and Homer flunks another of life's little tests. 489 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,894 And what's this? Ohhh... 490 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,605 Someone didn't fill in a circle all the way. 491 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:50,814 Oh! 492 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,483 -(growls) -SELMA: Oh. 493 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,527 Oh, boy. Oh, that felt good. 494 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,778 Let me try. Let me try. 495 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,030 Oh. 496 00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,615 Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. 497 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,575 Oh, that was so sweet. 498 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,413 -So Homer, how did you do? -Well, I... 499 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,709 Ladies, please don't tell me you're smoking 500 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,294 in a government building 501 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,588 because that is precisely the kind of infraction 502 00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:17,049 that can cost a couple of sisters their promotion. 503 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,217 -Uh... -Uh... 504 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,551 -Yeah, oh, what? -You mean, uh... 505 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,180 (both stammering) 506 00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:25,974 (snickering) 507 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,396 (sighs) 508 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,523 I'll never forgive myself for this. 509 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,402 Wait a minute. 510 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:38,779 Those are yours, sir? 511 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:39,863 Yes. 512 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:40,864 (coughs) 513 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,282 I am in flavor country. 514 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,034 Both of them? 515 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,035 (coughs) 516 00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:46,328 It's a big country. 517 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,996 Ladies, I apologize. 518 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,499 -And you, sir, are worse than Hitler. -Oh! 519 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:53,543 Homer, I'm... 520 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,630 I'm speechless. You just saved our hides. 521 00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:59,424 Please, on top of everything else, don't make me picture your hides. 522 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,302 That's a wonderful thing you did for my sisters. 523 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:03,387 I didn't do it for them. 524 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,180 I did it for you, Marge. 525 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,932 I'd kill for you. 526 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,642 Please ask me to kill for you. 527 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:11,436 No, Homey. You see? 528 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,813 This is the stuff I've been telling you about 529 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,898 that you never see. 530 00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:18,068 Homer... 531 00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:21,113 We're... sorry. 532 00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:22,739 If there's anything we can do to make it up-- 533 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,950 -Call off the debt? -Or, say we could let you 534 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:26,285 pass your driver's test. 535 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,829 -Call off the debt? -Uh... well... 536 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:30,497 Debt's off. Let's go, Marge. Whoo-hoo! 537 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:33,250 -(car door slams) -(tires squealing) 538 00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,009 ♪♪ 539 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:27,220 Shh! 540 00:22:29,639 --> 00:22:32,768 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.