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辛普森家庭

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不

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大家好，我是肯特布拉克曼
歡迎收看《春田風情錄》

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（春田市）

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（傑迪代亞斯普林菲爾德）

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（禁止進入）

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（故障待修）

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（庫斯提漢堡）

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（快樂水手刺青店）

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《春田風情錄》

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今晚本篤會修士席捲春田市

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歡迎《饒舌拉比》

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吃了豬仔，等著被宰

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-碰不得
-碰不得

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-美枝，我們是猶太教徒嗎？
-不是的，荷馬

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-首先，我們都臭掉了
-我們都…

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全國調查指出

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春田市是美國最惹人厭的城市

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科學來講，眾人唾棄

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世人們，地球繞著太陽轉

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燒了他

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-太震撼了
-還我魂來

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文化來說，惡名昭彰

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（庫斯提《夕陽西下》）

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鎂氰，我們得改善經濟大蕭條

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我建議…

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我都忘記我是小兒麻痺

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糟糕，春田市要被排擠了

29
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但能怎辦？我只是個小人物

30
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來召開市鎮大會吧

31
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再不行動，就沒觀光客了

32
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沒有觀光客，我要怎麼活？

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（追到明星家）

34
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來買地圖

35
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你好，你是茱芭莉摩嗎？

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講啥？滾，我都茫了

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-打擾了，芭莉摩小姐
-啥？

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（春田市政廳）

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有人對振興觀光有想法嗎？

40
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我建議可以偷天換日

41
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我們提議把春田市

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改名為“春桃市”

43
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（春桃市）

44
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我人雖小但志氣高

45
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請看我的簡報

46
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這是衛星拍攝的春田市

47
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迷失荷蘭人礦場位於這個屁谷

48
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孩子，這明明就是你的屁股

49
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魯蛇們再見

50
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:12,775
我永遠不會再用米爾豪斯
給我的溜之大吉術了

51
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抱歉，霸子

52
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:17,697
我是美枝辛普森，分享淺見

53
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美枝要放大絕了

54
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我過去的淺見或許不受歡迎

55
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比如說換成公制

56
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公制就是邪門

57
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我的車加一桶汽油可以跑40桿

58
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老子喜歡這樣算

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老頭的話不入紀錄

60
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是誰大膽妄言？

61
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,055
我這次的提議保證有戲

62
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我覺得我們應該辦個影展，設些獎項

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我們可以自己拍片報名嗎？

64
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-太好了
-終於可以粉墨登場

65
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大家贊成辦影展嗎？

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辦影展，辦影展

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大家贊成嗎？可是我還有其他想法

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少得意忘形，少得意忘形

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開拍

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（錄影中）

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大家好，我是霸子辛普森

72
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,585
之前曾經帶來幾部經典名作

73
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像是《荷馬洗香香》《荷馬蹲馬桶》

74
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今天要帶給各位《荷馬不停蹄》

75
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標榜什麼輕裝上陣，爛褲子

76
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皮帶沒解開

77
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瑪德，等等這樣演出
把摩西寶寶放進籃子

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然後推到蘆葦那邊

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明白？燈光、鏡頭準備

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開麥啦

81
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救我

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法蘭德斯求求天，求祢顯靈救泰德

83
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-感謝老天
-沒問題

84
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,017
媽媽，妳在做什麼？

85
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,519
我要找影評來當影展評審

86
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你知道影評人有600百多人

87
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,025
但最帥的是倫納德馬爾汀嗎？

88
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,610
歡迎收看《好片搶先看》

89
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,655
我是主持人傑謝爾曼，謝謝

90
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,283
今晚我們來欣賞查理士布朗遜的演出

91
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,410
請看《九死一生》

92
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活得真不耐煩了

93
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首先歡迎神秘嘉賓

94
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雷納狼堡，主演鳥片《霹靂神鷹》

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傑，我的新片走動作喜劇路線

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00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:44,594
名叫《霹靂神鷹飛高高》

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大家有發現男生不放馬桶蓋嗎？

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-笑話講完了
-爛死了，霹靂神鷹

99
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接下來中槍的是伍迪艾倫

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“我是神經質妹控”

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爛透了

102
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整部片都在看我
站磚牆前面一個半小時

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成本八千萬

104
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你有辦法摸著良心睡覺嗎？

105
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還有一手摸妹一手摸鈔票

106
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隨口問問

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我喜歡這個人，聰明又纖細

108
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而且他本身就不是走外貌協會的

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我耳根子都紅了

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別往臉上貼金，老爸

111
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我耳根子真的紅了
我只是想看裡面，就把棉棒點火

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謝爾曼敬啟，僅代表春田市民

113
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誠摯邀請您擔任敝市影展評審

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順道欣賞敝市萬種風情

115
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美枝，這是痘痘還是燒傷

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稍等，荷馬，你害我分心亂寫了

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你一定會喜歡我們的寧靜小鎮

118
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盛情邀請，美枝辛普森敬上

119
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我真的得離開曼哈頓嗎？

120
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謝爾曼，我熊熊發現你是把我當笑話
你完蛋了

121
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傻蛋，你鞋帶鬆了

122
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我從這裡看沒鬆，我仔細看看

123
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運將，去機場

124
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（計程車）

125
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:25,445
我這雙明明是懶人鞋

126
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注意，紐約的航班已抵達

127
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你插隊

128
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:39,625
（辛普森）

129
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,502
接機牌應該要寫歡迎謝爾曼
你寫錯了

130
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好像是

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好了，不

132
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-這樣，不
-你好

133
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,683
我是美枝辛普森，這是我老公荷馬

134
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:58,853
幸會，美枝
我飛機差點擦過妳的頭髮

135
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,230
你一定就是那個

136
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,566
不知道自己長痘痘還是燒傷的傢伙

137
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是小熊軟糖

138
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,779
接下來《摩登原始人與傑森一家》

139
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,408
又一個瞎湊合的卡通

140
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:15,536
霸子辛普森，這位是影評傑謝爾曼

141
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:18,122
-你好
-你好，你的節目很棒

142
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,707
我覺得非常兒童適宜

143
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,460
我怎麼可以口是心非

144
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:32,220
我不知道問題在哪
我們的收益少了三成七

145
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,096
長官，大概是因為我們形象不保

146
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,641
民眾在市調反應你是食人魔

147
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,268
我真該囚禁這些刁民，再扒層皮

148
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,896
或許這個影展會有助益

149
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,565
可以用傳記電影讓大家認識真正的你

150
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,527
氣宇宣昂、檔次高尚

151
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,612
還有帥到掉渣

152
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,198
但你提的傳記影片不錯

153
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,700
用好萊塢電影的調調

154
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,621
像是《豪情四海》或是《上班女郎》
包裝我的骯髒野心

155
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,123
-給我找來史蒂芬史匹柏
-他沒空

156
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,751
那就把他的墨西哥老弟找來

157
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,463
聽好了，酥蒂芬阿匹伯

158
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,549
我要你拍出像史匹柏
那樣個“辛德勒”的大作

159
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:17,014
阿匹伯
我可以說是那部電影的真人版

160
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:20,184
我們都是老闆，熱中救世濟貧

161
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:24,146
沒人知道我的能耐，可惡
給我想辦法拿到大獎

162
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,152
荷馬，最後一塊豬排要留給客人吃

163
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,321
人家還沒吃飽

164
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:46,627
謝爾曼先生，你拿過兩座普立茲獎

165
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,839
我覺得沒什麼大不了的

166
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,717
這裡好熱

167
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:57,388
這是我拿的最佳人氣獎
還有抱走五個金球獎

168
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,601
我的艾美獎呢？

169
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,520
謝謝你

170
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:08,232
這是我上班拿到的金嗝獎

171
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,862
非常好，荷馬

172
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:25,791
拿到普立茲獎的都這麼厲害？

173
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,335
就我跟龍硬抬而已

174
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,296
我也邀了我姐妹過來

175
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,757
有姐有妹，容我迎接

176
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,847
然後我就跟伍迪艾倫講

177
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:44,477
“卡謬是大唬爛家
不過沙特可是‘宇宙大嚼者’呢”

178
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,688
-太經典了
-後勁十足

179
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,484
這算什麼，“史酷比是個傻BB

180
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,654
但是卡特總統還卡到陰咧”

181
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:03,829
謝爾曼，你是圈內人
八卦一下，有誰被掰彎了？

182
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:06,165
不好說，拍《窈窕奶爸》的
哈維菲爾斯坦嗎？

183
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,875
-不會吧
-還有誰？

184
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,086
謝爾曼

185
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,421
還有“馬蓋先”

186
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,263
你說馬蓋先的壞話吼？

187
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,644
美枝，妳在做什麼？

188
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,979
安排影展的評審名單

189
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,732
昆比市長、庫斯提、傑

190
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,403
美枝，妳欣賞我的聰明才智嗎？

191
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:41,909
-是的
-等等

192
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:44,537
妳為什麼累格那麼久才回答？

193
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,416
-沒為什麼
-好

194
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,086
不對，妳在開我玩笑嗎？

195
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,465
-對
-好

196
00:11:56,924 --> 00:11:58,759
哈囉，妳壞壞

197
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:02,138
我知道我不像謝爾曼那麼逗

198
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,683
但他知道“大哼堡香腸之歌”
怎麼唱嗎？

199
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:09,937
“我希望我就是香腸大亨

200
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:13,441
這是我一生夢寐以求的身份

201
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:17,278
因為只要我是香腸大亨

202
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:24,285
每人嘴裡塞一根”

203
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:31,625
我投降，美枝，他唱得真好

204
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,627
不阻止妳，去跟他睡吧

205
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,047
我只需要一縷秀髮睹毛思人

206
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:41,802
-我們只有彼此了，美毛
-沒必要自暴自棄

207
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,764
-妳覺得我是傻子嗎？
-不是

208
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:47,558
那就證明妳的愛，把我安排進評審

209
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,894
好吧，如你所願

210
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,315
昆比市長、庫斯提、傑謝爾曼
馬丁

211
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,275
荷馬

212
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,528
長官，現在要試鏡的是飾演你的演員

213
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:00,905
好極了

214
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:04,742
好極了

215
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,537
-下一位
-好極了

216
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:13,042
-下一位
-好…不

217
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,544
-下一位
-好極了的啦

218
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:16,796
-美賣啊

219
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,130
沒救了

220
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,924
我親自上陣

221
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:22,968
（春田市金菊獎影展）

222
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:26,764
我以為今晚演出的是《玫瑰蜘蛛網》

223
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,394
打頭陣的是印度導演
阿普納哈薩皮馬佩蒂隆

224
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,188
《小米酒，香蕉油》

225
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,650
警察，救人喔

226
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,819
我都自身難保了

227
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,822
老天，百尺竿頭，一直退步

228
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:44,573
（劇終）

229
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:49,203
下一位，是酒保老莫的《斷片恰恰》

230
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:54,542
（灌下去灌下去不要漏氣
跳下去跳下去大家歡喜）

231
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:58,462
（手捧一杯斷片的酒
要來祝福你）

232
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,632
我的背

233
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,512
喬韓森先生製作公司鉅獻

234
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:10,307
《蛋蛋的哀傷》

235
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:21,068
贏家出爐了，獎落他家

236
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,154
這裡不是《斗音一籮筐》

237
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:26,907
可是那個淡淡…真的好哀傷

238
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,286
真的太有深度了

239
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,038
再放一次

240
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,332
下一部要放我的影片了

241
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:38,294
-你有拍片？
-我有拍片？

242
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,130
難怪我是《破鏡周刊》封面人物

243
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,632
（達夫啤酒）

244
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:53,225
我叫巴尼岡布爾
苦命王老五，喜黃湯下肚

245
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,653
《奧賽羅》裡面有句名言

246
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:09,199
“三杯下肚，智者翻肚
多喝一杯，在地上靠杯“

247
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,118
大概就是這樣

248
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:21,086
令人激賞，一針見血卻又撫慰人心
很有詩意

249
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,671
妳人真好

250
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,507
不好意思
是有什麼東西死在你嘴裡嗎？

251
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,800
那東西沒死呀

252
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,511
我叫巴尼，我有酒癮

253
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,889
岡布爾先生
我們在開女童軍會譯

254
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:36,060
是嗎？還是你們不敢面對自己的問題

255
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,819
別為我哭泣，我已隨風而逝

256
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,912
（劇終）

257
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,417
贏家出爐了

258
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:03,045
-我錯過了什麼？
-荷馬，認真點

259
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,838
還有壓軸

260
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,049
《救星伯恩斯》

261
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,926
（蒙哥馬利伯恩斯飾演他自己）

262
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,386
（還有蜜蜂人）

263
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,179
（湯米特恩特別出演史密瑟斯）

264
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,350
（阿匹伯執導）

265
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,061
我向各位愚民保證

266
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,523
我會關閉美國工廠
為此地帶來繁榮景氣

267
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,066
伯恩斯老大萬歲

268
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,943
萬歲

269
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,536
我們拍了20次，終於拍出理想一幕

270
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,831
別忘了，艾略特，我就在你心裡

271
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,928
-自大狂
-看你吹牛皮

272
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:56,515
高處不勝寒，我會贏得大獎

273
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,737
喝下去，賓漢

274
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:15,701
不愧是萬王之王

275
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,245
好極了

276
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:20,998
（劇終）

277
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:24,293
-爛啦
-史密瑟斯，他們在說我爛嗎？

278
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:28,756
不是，他們在說“讚啦，讚啦”

279
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,925
你們在說“爛啦”還是“讚啦”？

280
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,802
-爛
-爛啦

281
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,805
我是說“爛讚啦”

282
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,852
（影展評審室）

283
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,396
是時候選出大獎了

284
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,898
我要投給巴尼岡布爾所執導

285
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:50,235
賺人熱淚卻敗在名字的影片
《寶雞康蒂》

286
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,030
-附議
-我要投給伯恩斯

287
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:56,366
附議，趕快了事，我跟龍硬抬有約

288
00:17:58,327 --> 00:17:59,703
馬上好，龍硬抬

289
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:06,627
好極了，買通評審的錢值回票價

290
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,587
跟美國少女選美比賽的時候一樣

291
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:09,797
（包大人老頭選美奪冠）

292
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,882
你怎麼可以投給伯恩斯？

293
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:15,969
只能說我深受不動產感動

294
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:20,015
我把心裡話擴音出來了，糟糕

295
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,227
目前平手，荷馬，就看你了

296
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,021
我要投給《蛋蛋的哀傷》

297
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,732
這場拉鋸戰看來要打很久了

298
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:32,402
不如休息五分鐘，大家沉澱一下

299
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:36,365
好主意，美枝
我腦子快轉不過來了

300
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:41,870
我就知道會這樣

301
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,957
把你內定進評審團
結果你投給最瞎的影片

302
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,167
我坐上評審席理所當然

303
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,129
即使我是用潛規則潛進去的

304
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,798
我好像很常聽到雷克斯里德講這句話

305
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,883
現在換妳挖苦我了

306
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,760
荷馬，我不會挖苦你

307
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,346
但人生中還有比淡淡的哀傷

308
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,350
更值得重視的事情

309
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,187
-荷馬？
-美枝

310
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,606
我要做些正經事了

311
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,151
（質能守恆，微商函數）

312
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,112
巴尼的影片有靈魂

313
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:18,240
淡淡的哀傷像極了愛情

314
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:22,411
"別為我哭泣，我已隨風而逝"

315
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:25,622
我一定要戒酒

316
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,166
-要啤酒嗎？
-來個十瓶

317
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,585
現在我們要宣布贏家

318
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:33,130
出類拔萃短片大獎

319
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:37,301
得獎的是癢癢鼠與抓抓貓
《四喪一喜》

320
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,677
《四喪一喜》

321
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:44,474
（炸藥）

322
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:49,813
（老人之家）

323
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,241
（劇終）

324
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:08,373
現在宣布，得獎的是

325
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,502
巴尼岡布爾

326
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:16,673
不

327
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:21,845
荷馬寶貝，你投對了
找你當評審是對的

328
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:29,019
你知道嗎？美枝
當評審沒那麼難

329
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,022
我要向全世界分享一個禮物

330
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:35,067
從今以後，巴尼岡布爾重生了

331
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,819
我要積極努力，保持頭腦清晰

332
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,114
恭喜巴尼，請收下大禮

333
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,659
終生達夫啤酒喝到飽

334
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,787
直接注射到我體內吧

335
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:50,916
謝爾曼先生，再會了

336
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,794
未來我在卡內基音樂廳登場的時候
我會跟你聯絡

337
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:57,547
-如果你想上我節目
-不用想了

338
00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,633
傑，我希望你可以跟紐約朋友說

339
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:03,011
鄉下地方的人並不庸俗

340
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,347
美枝你看，這是整人玩具

341
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,683
可是傻蛋一定覺得這是啤酒點心

342
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:08,809
（啤酒點心）

343
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,018
（啤酒點心）

344
00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:14,022
-不
-這次影展很棒

345
00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,233
選出了最佳影片

346
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,568
伯恩斯也學到了有錢不能為所欲為

347
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:19,945
（半年後）

348
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,196
奧斯卡，得獎的是

349
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,908
我勝券在握
整個演藝圈都被我買通了

350
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:28,370
《蛋蛋的哀傷》驚世傑

351
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:36,586
我的蛋