1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,060 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,818 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:32,032 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,914 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,380 (tires screech) 7 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,809 (horn honks) 8 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,187 (tires screech) 9 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,776 -Aah! -(tires screech) 10 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,272 {\an8}So, kids, caught anything? 11 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:47,440 {\an8}Not yet, sir. 12 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,526 {\an8}What are you using for bait? 13 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:50,902 {\an8}My brother's using worms 14 00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,695 {\an8}but I, who feel the tranquility 15 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,322 {\an8}far outweighs the actual catching of fish, 16 00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:55,907 {\an8}am using nothing. 17 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,243 {\an8}I see. And what's your name, son? 18 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,203 I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? 19 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,330 (chuckles) I'm Dave Shutton. 20 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,458 I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot, 21 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,127 and I must say, that in my day, 22 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,670 we didn't talk that way to our elders. 23 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,673 Well this is my day, and we do, sir. (grunts) 24 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:16,052 All right, we eat tonight! Hmph! 25 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,804 Wait a minute. 26 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,973 One, two... 27 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,266 three? 28 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,160 Well, leave it to good 'ol Mary Bailey 29 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,162 to finally step in and do something 30 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,581 about that hideous genetic mutation. 31 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,457 (scoffs) Mary Bailey! Well, if I was governor 32 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,793 I'd sure find better things to do with my time. 33 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,254 -Like what? -Like getting Washington's birthday 34 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,090 and Lincoln's birthday back as separate paid holidays. 35 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,967 President's Day... 36 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,802 Pfft! What a rip-off. 37 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,054 I bust my butt day in and day out-- 38 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,764 MARGE: You're late for work, Homer. 39 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:02,891 So? Someone will punch in for me. 40 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,185 Try not to spill anything, Dad. 41 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,811 -BART: Keep those mutants coming, Homer. -HOMER: I'll mutant you. 42 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,277 Oh, man! Plain cake doughnuts. 43 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,280 Thanks for taking all the fancies, guys! 44 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,116 Why can't I ever get here on time? 45 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,869 BURNS (over P.A.): Hi-ho, faceless employees. 46 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,914 In a few moments the government inspection team 47 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,874 will be touring our plant. 48 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:30,585 So look busy and keep your mouths shut! 49 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:31,878 That is all. 50 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:32,879 Very stirring, sir. 51 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,505 Uh-oh. Here they come. 52 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,549 Hold me, Smithers. 53 00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:42,263 Okay men, Geiger counters on. 54 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,848 (rapid clicking) 55 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,225 ALL: Huh? 56 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,228 I suppose that's normal background radiation-- 57 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:51,064 the kind you'd find in any well-maintained nuclear facility, 58 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,858 or for that matter, playgrounds and hospitals. 59 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,151 Sorry. 60 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,319 (whistles) 61 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,696 Gum used to seal crack in cooling tower. 62 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,865 I'm as shocked as you are. 63 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,660 Plutonium rod used as paperweight. 64 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,578 D'oh. Now that shouldn't be. 65 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,793 Yeah, well, that's always been like that. 66 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,169 (snoring) 67 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,463 (shrieks) Uh... just resting my eyes. 68 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,714 Ah, well done. 69 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,175 A rested employee is a vigilant employee. 70 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,469 (sighs) Monitoring station unmanned. 71 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,303 (Geiger counter clicking) 72 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,138 Look here, inspector 73 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,684 could I speak to you privately in my office? 74 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,104 Mr. Burns, in 20 years 75 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,731 I have never seen such a shoddy, deplorable-- 76 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,192 Oh, look. Some careless person 77 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,945 has left thousands and thousands of dollars 78 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,406 just lying here on my coffee table. 79 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,950 Smithers, why don't we leave the room 80 00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:46,077 and hopefully, when we return, 81 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,205 the pile of money will be gone. 82 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,541 (groaning) 83 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,709 (grunts) 84 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,377 Look, Smithers, the money 85 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,170 and a very stupid man are still here. 86 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,506 Burns, if I didn't know better, 87 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,717 I'd think you were trying to bribe me. 88 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,760 Is there some confusion about this? 89 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,014 Take it, take it, take it, you poor shmo. 90 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:09,767 Mr. Burns, I'm going to overlook this felony. 91 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:14,314 However, I will not overlook the 342 violations 92 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,232 I have observed at your plant today. 93 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,151 Either bring this place up to code 94 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,653 or we'll shut it down. 95 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,196 Good day. 96 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,407 (sighs) Oh, well. 97 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,743 A little dab of paint here, 98 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,828 a little spackle there... 99 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:32,540 How much could it possibly cost to fix this place up? 100 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,667 Hmm. Approximately $56 million, sir. 101 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,294 -56 million?! -Don't hit me, sir. 102 00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:37,337 Oh, that I had the strength 103 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,547 to take it out on you, Smithers. 104 00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,215 Now, please go. 105 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,843 I would be alone. 106 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:01,444 ♪ Once I built a railroad ♪ 107 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,405 ♪ Made it run... ♪ 108 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,656 (sniffles) 109 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,368 ♪ Made it race against time ♪ 110 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,037 ♪ Once I built a railroad ♪ 111 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,497 ♪ Now it's done ♪ 112 00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:16,417 ♪ Brother, can you spare a dime? ♪ 113 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:20,505 ♪ Half a million boots went slogging through hell ♪ 114 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:23,633 ♪ I was a kid with a drum... ♪ 115 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,885 Empty-- bah! 116 00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,136 (shrieks) 117 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,346 Uh... just resting my eyes. 118 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,847 Oh. Heh. 119 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,225 Holy moly! 9:30. 120 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,810 Hello, Marge. 121 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:37,230 Sorry I didn't call, but it's been a madhouse down here. 122 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:40,942 Yeah, these 12-hour days are killing me. 123 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:42,527 Echo! 124 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,362 {\an8}(echoing) Echo, echo, echo... 125 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,656 {\an8}(Homer chuckles) 126 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,200 BURNS: ♪ Hey, don't you remember? ♪ 127 00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,868 -Huh? -♪ They called me Al ♪ 128 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,955 ♪ It was Al, all the time ♪ 129 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:56,457 ♪ Hey, don't you remember? ♪ 130 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,085 ♪ I'm your pal ♪ 131 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:03,297 ♪ Buddy, can you spare a dime? ♪ 132 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,882 (crying) 133 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,181 Hmm? What the.. 134 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,475 Uh... Mr. Burns? 135 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,726 (both scream) 136 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,812 Sorry sir, it's just me, Homer Simpson. 137 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:18,980 Is everything all right? 138 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:21,983 (sniffs) Working late, Simpson? 139 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:23,609 Uh... yes, sir. 140 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,154 You and I are a dying breed, Simpson. 141 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,072 I'm going to share something with you. 142 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,532 Hop in. 143 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,494 Ooh! Cushy. 144 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,330 Homer, they're trying to shut us down. 145 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,666 They say we're contaminating the planet. 146 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,501 Well, nobody's perfect. 147 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,296 Can't the government just get off our backs? 148 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,839 You know, I was just telling the wife 149 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:47,133 that if I was governor, I'd do things a lot differently. 150 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,718 Oh, get off your soapbox, Simpson! 151 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,511 Do you realize how much it costs to run for office? 152 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,221 More than any honest man could afford! 153 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,723 I bet you could afford it, though. 154 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:54,599 (growling) 155 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,392 D-Don't g-get me wrong. 156 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,852 I mean, you're an honest man. 157 00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,479 I just meant that you could afford 158 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,189 to run for governor if you felt like it. 159 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,024 Of course, I'm just rambling 160 00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,401 because you keep staring at me like that, but it's true. 161 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,320 I mean, if you were governor 162 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:10,156 you could decide what's safe and what isn't. 163 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,908 Where we going, sir? 164 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,203 BURNS: To create a new and better world. 165 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,872 HOMER: If it's on the way, could you drop me off at my house? 166 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,629 Well, he's got my vote. 167 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:27,507 Homer, we're a Mary Bailey family. 168 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:31,010 Mary Bailey isn't going to fire me if I don't vote for her. 169 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,553 I'm for Monty Burns. 170 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,597 Ooh! A political discussion at our table. 171 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,432 I feel like a Kennedy. 172 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,059 Well, frankly, I don't see how 173 00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:39,852 one of the most despicable men who ever lived 174 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,771 has a chance against Mary Bailey, 175 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,314 the most beloved governor 176 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:45,066 our great state has ever known. 177 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,944 MAN: Now, here's the problem as I see it. 178 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,321 While Governor Bailey is beloved by all 179 00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:51,948 98% of the voters 180 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,867 rate you as despicable or worse. 181 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,410 That's why we've assembled 182 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,454 the finest campaign team money can buy. 183 00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,789 This is your speech writer 184 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,208 your joke writer, your spin doctor 185 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,877 your makeup man and your personal trainer. 186 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,880 {\an8}Their job-- to turn this Mr. Burns 187 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,715 {\an8}into this. 188 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,968 {\an8}Why are my teeth showing like that? 189 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,636 Because you're smiling. 190 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:15,638 Ah, excellent! 191 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:19,141 This is exactly the kind of trickery I'm paying you for. 192 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,895 But-but how do we turn your average Joe Six-pack against Mary Bailey? 193 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,064 With this team of investigators-- 194 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:28,109 your muckraker, your character assassin 195 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,236 -your mudslinger, your garbologist. -Hello. 196 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,405 Their job is to turn Mary Bailey 197 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:33,573 {\an8}from this 198 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,450 {\an8}into this. 199 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,161 Ah, visually, it's helped so much. Thank you. 200 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,247 But first there's a burning issue 201 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,791 that we need to address and neutralize immediately. 202 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,084 {\an8}BURNS: D'oh! 203 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,420 I hate that fish. 204 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:51,299 MAN (on telvision): Thank you for watching Movie for a Dreary Afternoon. 205 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,926 {\an8}Please stay tuned for a paid political announcement 206 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,970 {\an8}brought to you by the friends of Montgomery Burns. 207 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,305 Burns? Change the channel. 208 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,723 -You change it. -No, you change it. 209 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,266 I changed it last week. 210 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:01,642 Fine, be a jerk. 211 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,978 Then we'll just sit here and watch it. 212 00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:06,689 Oh, no, an election? 213 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,149 It's one of those deals 214 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,859 where they close the bars, isn't it? 215 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,068 Sorry, Barney. 216 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,778 I wonder if he's going to say anything 217 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,572 about that horrible fish? 218 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:18,075 Oh Marge, what's the big deal? I'll bet before the papers 219 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,535 blew this out of proportion 220 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,078 you didn't even know how many eyes a fish had. 221 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,747 (irritated grunt) 222 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,415 30 seconds to air, Mr. Burns. 223 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:25,708 Now, remember to smile. 224 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:26,959 BURNS: I am smiling. 225 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,461 You'll have to do better than that. 226 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,296 (grunting) 227 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:31,672 How's this? 228 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:32,882 There you go. 229 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,967 I'm going to be sore tomorrow. 230 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,719 Well, we've done all we can, Mr. Burns. 231 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,804 -The rest is up to you. -Oh, don't worry. 232 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,307 By the time this paid political announcement is done, 233 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:44,268 every Johnny Lunchpail in this whole stupid state 234 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,479 will be eating out of my hand. 235 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:47,730 Oh, hello, friends. 236 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,775 I'm Montgomery Burns, your next governor. 237 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:54,570 And I'm here to talk to you about my little friend, here, Blinky. 238 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,115 Many of you consider him to be a hideous genetic mutation. 239 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,451 Well, nothing could be further from the truth. 240 00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:02,203 But don't take my word for it. 241 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:05,581 Let's ask an actor portraying Charles Darwin what he thinks. 242 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,958 -Hello, Mr. Burns. -Oh, hello, Charles. 243 00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:09,335 Be a good fellow, and tell our viewers 244 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:12,088 about your theory of natural selection. 245 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,422 Glad to, Mr. Burns. 246 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,466 You see, every so often, 247 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,218 mother nature changes her animals 248 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:20,221 giving them bigger teeth, sharper claws, longer legs 249 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,723 or, in this case, a third eye. 250 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,850 And if these variations 251 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,227 turn out to be an improvement 252 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,562 the new animals thrive and multiply 253 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,690 and spread across the face of the Earth. 254 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,692 So you're saying this fish 255 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,235 might have an advantage over other fish? 256 00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,238 It may in fact, be a kind of superfish. 257 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,281 I wouldn't mind having a third eye. Would you? 258 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,200 (chuckles) No. 259 00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:46,163 You see friends, if our anti-nuclear nay-sayers and choose-up-siders 260 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,541 were to come upon an elephant frolicking in the waters 261 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,084 next to our nuclear power plant 262 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,962 they'd probably blame his ridiculous nose 263 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,755 on the nuclear bogeyman. 264 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:58,008 The truth is, this fish is a miracle of nature 265 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,219 with a taste that can't be beat. 266 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,554 Mm-mmm! 267 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,055 So, to summarize... 268 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,932 say what you want about me. 269 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,518 I can take the slings and arrows, 270 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:11,439 but stop slandering poor, defenseless Blinky. 271 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:14,483 Good night and God bless. 272 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,237 {\an8}♪ Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote ♪ 273 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,741 {\an8}♪ for Mon-teee Burns! ♪ 274 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,826 Wow! Superfish! 275 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,912 I wish the government would get off his back. 276 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,249 That Burns is just what this state needs-- 277 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,959 young blood! 278 00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:34,837 I hope Burns and I can count on your support, honey? 279 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,881 Homer, I'm a Bailey booster. 280 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:40,426 Oh yeah? Well, I'm a Burns booster. Ow! 281 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,011 Congratulations Mr. Burns, 282 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,472 The latest polls show you're up six points. 283 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,223 Ah. Giving me a total of... 284 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,642 Six, but we're on our way. 285 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:53,063 MARY BAILEY: My worthy opponent seems to think that the voters 286 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,024 of this state are gullible fools. 287 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,651 I, however prefer to rely 288 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,403 on their intelligence and good judgment. 289 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,113 {\an8}Interesting strategy. Good luck. 290 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,532 And I say taxes are too high! 291 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,867 (cheering) 292 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,957 (crowd cheering) 293 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,384 (crowd cheering) 294 00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:32,019 Have you found any dirt on Mary Bailey? 295 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,229 Well, we've gone through her garbage. 296 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,772 -We talked to her maid. -And so far, 297 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,357 the only negative thing we have found 298 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,818 was from some guy who dated her when she was 16. 299 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:39,902 Ah! And? 300 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,153 He uh, he felt her up. 301 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,822 Bah! Not good enough. 302 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,242 BURNS: We're going to send a message 303 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:51,038 to those bureaucrats down there in the state capital! 304 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,583 Is your boss governor yet? 305 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,585 Not yet, son, not yet. 306 00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,631 The voters now see you as imperial and God-like. 307 00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,383 Hot dog. 308 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,552 But there's a downside to it. The latest polls indicate 309 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,262 you're in danger of losing touch with the common man. 310 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,389 Oh, dear. Heaven forefend! 311 00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,016 Which is why the night before the election 312 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,270 we want you to have dinner at the home of one of your workers. 313 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,188 Oh, I get your angle. 314 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,358 Every Joe Meatball and Sally Housecoat 315 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,277 in this God-forsaken state will see me 316 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,196 hunkering down for chow with Eddie Punchclock. 317 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,782 The media will have a field day. 318 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,285 CAMPAIGN MANAGER: The only question is 319 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:32,162 can we find someone common enough? 320 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:37,418 (belches) 321 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:38,627 Ugh. 322 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:44,967 Well, I-- I knew there would be sacrifices. 323 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,177 (belches) 324 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,017 (crunching) 325 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,437 Oh, great toast, Marge! 326 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,315 Mmm. Oh, by the way, the night before the election 327 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,525 -Mr. Burns is coming over for dinner. -What? 328 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,027 And some reporters and camera crew, 329 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,153 but you don't need to feed them. 330 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,571 Cool man! A media circus. 331 00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:06,822 Absolutely not. 332 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,324 Come on, Marge. 333 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,825 Mm-mmm, I'm going to be ringing doorbells 334 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,368 for Mary Bailey that night. 335 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,453 D'oh! 336 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:13,954 Kids, please leave the room. 337 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,497 I don't want you to see this. 338 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,333 Uh-oh. 339 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,419 Please, please, please, please, please, please. 340 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:21,420 (irritated groan) 341 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,798 We're hoping that one of the children 342 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,926 might pop up with a question about the upcoming election. 343 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,553 Little girl, do you think you can memorize this by dinnertime tomorrow? 344 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,931 "Mr. Burns, your campaign seems to have 345 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,974 "the momentum of a runaway freight train. 346 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,684 Why are you so popular?" 347 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,769 Very good. 348 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,854 Hmm. Well as long as I'm asking something, 349 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,648 can I ask him to assuage my fears 350 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,107 that he's contaminating the planet 351 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,276 in a manner that may one day render it uninhabitable? 352 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,945 No dear, the card question will be fine. 353 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,280 Well, I think the non-card question is a valid-- 354 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,782 Marge! Don't worry. 355 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,867 My daughter's very bright. I'm sure she'll be able 356 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,119 to memorize your question by dinnertime tomorrow. 357 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,246 And finally, Mr. Burns wants you 358 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,958 to appear very affectionate to him, 359 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,835 but we must remind you, he hates being touched. 360 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:06,799 (grunts) 361 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,509 Mmm? 362 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,219 Marge, get back in bed. 363 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,304 {\an8}No, I'm just fine right here. 364 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,973 What's wrong? I just want to snuggle. 365 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,808 Well, I don't feel like snuggling. 366 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,142 What's that got to do with it? 367 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,477 I don't wanna snuggle with anybody 368 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,020 who's not letting me express myself. 369 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,481 But you do get to express yourself, 370 00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:25,734 and the lovely home you keep and the food you serve. 371 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,653 Hmm. Okay, Homer. 372 00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,572 Fair enough. You got it. 373 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,908 All right. Good. That's it. 374 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,368 That's how I'm going to express myself. 375 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,953 That's right. Good night. 376 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:36,996 Huh? 377 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:44,920 (TV crew chattering) 378 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,551 Well, what do we think? 379 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,053 Hey, hello, handsome. 380 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,472 Hey, get that stuff off his face. 381 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:56,807 We're here to have dinner with a common man, 382 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,976 not Tyrone Power. 383 00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,352 Latest polls are in. 384 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,688 It's dead even. Fifty-fifty. 385 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:05,524 This cornball stunt is gonna put us over the top. 386 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,862 Whoa, he's here! 387 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,114 (doorbell rings) 388 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,034 Hello, Homer. 389 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,578 Marge, you look dazzling. 390 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:20,330 Oh, and look, I've brought noodle kugel. 391 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,207 (dog barks) 392 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,792 (Homer shouts) 393 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,586 Uh, bad dog! 394 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,212 Bad neighbor dog. 395 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,381 Here, let me help you up, Mr. Burns. 396 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,591 Watch it. 397 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,302 I love dogs. Babies, too. 398 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,262 -(meows) -(crowd gasping) 399 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,598 Kitty, kitty. 400 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,808 Are you all right, Mr. Burns? 401 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,395 Oh, of course. A little roughhousing with the pets is good for a man's appetite. 402 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,153 The latest polls are in. 403 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,780 The statesman-like way you handled the pet incident 404 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:53,864 has put you over the top. 405 00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,866 You're ahead, 51 to 49. 406 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,910 Congratulations, "Mr. Governor." 407 00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,203 Excellent. 408 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:01,914 Bart, would you like to say grace? 409 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:04,875 Dear God... we pay for all this stuff ourselves, 410 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,293 so thanks for nothing. 411 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,503 (gasping) 412 00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:10,005 (chuckles nervously) Only an innocent child 413 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,757 could get away with such blasphemy. 414 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,175 God bless them all. 415 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,384 Amen. 416 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,761 (chuckling) 417 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,346 He's smokin', he's smokin'. 418 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,391 Um, you know, Mr. Burns... 419 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,937 -my family and I, um... -(burps) 420 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,481 feel like taxes are too high. 421 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,984 Where do you stand on this highly controversial issue? 422 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,654 Goodness, I didn't realize this casual dinner 423 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,198 was going to turn into a charged political debate. 424 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,783 I was only reading what the card-- 425 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:40,661 Homer, I agree with you, and if I'm elected governor, 426 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,705 I will lower taxes whether those bureaucrats 427 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,125 in the state capital like it or not! 428 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,960 Lisa, do you have a question 429 00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,962 you would like to ask your Uncle Montgomery? 430 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,381 Yes, sir. A very inane one. 431 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,967 (Lisa sighs) Mr. Burns, 432 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,927 your campaign seems to have the momentum 433 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,679 of a runaway freight train. 434 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,764 Why are you so popular? 435 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,433 Ooh, a tough question, but a fair one. 436 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,769 Lisa, there's no single answer. 437 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,063 Some voters respond to my integrity. 438 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,150 Others are more impressed with my incorruptibility. 439 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:14,319 Still others by my determination to lower taxes, 440 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:18,073 and the bureaucrats in the state capitol can put that in their pipes and smoke it! 441 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,701 Oh, Mom, that felt awful. 442 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:23,078 I'm sorry, dear. It will all be over soon. 443 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,831 But Mom, we've become the tools of evil. 444 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:29,334 Lisa, you're learning many lessons tonight and one of them is 445 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,629 to always give your mother the benefit of the doubt. 446 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,215 BURNS: ...or fair shake, or even a square deal. 447 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,216 (sniffing) 448 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,302 Mmm! Smells delightful. 449 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,430 (everyone gasps) 450 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,269 All right-- three-eyed fish! 451 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,687 Can I have your plate, Mr. Burns? 452 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,565 (shudders) 453 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,629 Ptui! 454 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:18,759 (everyone gasps) 455 00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:20,886 -Get a shot. -I can't believe it. 456 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,763 He's blown it for sure. 457 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,058 Ruined before it hit the ground. 458 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,100 Get me the City Desk. 459 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,352 Here's your headline, Phil-- 460 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:30,312 "Burns can't swallow own story." 461 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,522 The latest polls indicate Burns' popularity 462 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,901 has plummeted to Earth like so much half-chewed fish. 463 00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,237 You must have a few tricks left up your sleeve. 464 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,490 Smithers, boil some coffee. We're not licked yet. 465 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,575 Yes, we are. Come on, boys, the old guy's finished. 466 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,828 Wait! Come back. You can't do this to me. 467 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,915 I'm Charles Montgomery Burns! 468 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:54,253 (grunting) 469 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,216 (straining) 470 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,468 Smithers, tip over this table for me. 471 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:02,594 Yes, sir. 472 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:03,887 Homer... 473 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,722 Homer, make them stop. 474 00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:08,100 Ahem! Uh, Mr. Burns? 475 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,184 Uh, Mr. Burns? 476 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,560 Shut up and wreck something! 477 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,522 Mr. Burns? I hardly see 478 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,148 what destroying our meager possessions 479 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,775 is going to accomplish. 480 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:19,069 She's right. 481 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,904 Take me home, Smithers. 482 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:23,073 We'll destroy something tasteful. 483 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,077 Ironic isn't it, Smithers? 484 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,913 This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes 485 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,623 has cost me the election, 486 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,875 and yet if I were to have them killed, 487 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,502 I would be the one to go to jail. 488 00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,504 That's democracy for you. 489 00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,673 You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir. 490 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:44,177 Simpson, I shall make it the focus of my remaining years 491 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:47,472 that your dreams will go unfulfilled. 492 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,808 Uh-oh, you're busted, Dad. 493 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,185 HOMER: Oh. My dreams will go unfulfilled? 494 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:55,105 Oh, no. I don't like the sound of that one bit. 495 00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:57,149 That means I have nothing to hope for. 496 00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:58,942 Marge, make it better, please? 497 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,319 Can't you make it better? Huh? 498 00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:03,071 Homer, when a man's biggest dreams 499 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:06,450 include seconds on dessert, occasional snuggling, 500 00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:08,994 and sleeping till noon on weekends, 501 00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:11,663 no one man can destroy them. 502 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,540 Hey, you did it! 503 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,963 ♪♪ 504 00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:05,133 Shh! 505 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:11,890 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.