1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,060 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,334 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,380 (tires screech) 7 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,096 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,809 (horn honks) 9 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,187 (tires screech) 10 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,650 -Aah! -(tires screech) 11 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,974 {\an8}Hey, good evening, Ezron, carver of graven images. 12 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,017 {\an8}Ah, good evening, Homer the Thief. 13 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,435 {\an8}How is business? 14 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,521 {\an8}Been a little slow these past few months. 15 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,314 {\an8}Not much to steal in the desert, you know. 16 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:47,816 {\an8}Ah, do not worry, my friend. 17 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,692 {\an8}I figure we'll be wandering out here 18 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:50,860 {\an8}another two weeks tops. 19 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,612 {\an8}(laughing) 20 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,781 {\an8}Ah, good evening, Zohar the Adulterer. 21 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,491 {\an8}My wife sends her warmest regards. 22 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:59,410 {\an8}Ah yes. She is a good woman-- very good. 23 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,538 {\an8}Thank you, my lusty friend. 24 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,414 {\an8}(laughing) 25 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,208 {\an8}(thunder clap) 26 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,297 Ooh, Moses is back. 27 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,217 Quick! Everybody look busy! 28 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,511 The Lord has handed down to us 29 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:19,556 ten commandments by which to live. 30 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,726 I will now read them in no particular order. 31 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,229 "Thou shalt not make any graven images." 32 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,564 Oh, my God! 33 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,233 "Thou shalt not commit adultery." 34 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,695 Ah, well. Looks like the party's over. 35 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,114 Hey, Moses, keep 'em coming! 36 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,199 "Thou shalt not steal." 37 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,285 {\an8}-D'oh! -(laughing) 38 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,870 Sorry, Homer. 39 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,669 That is the most dishonest thing 40 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:50,753 I've ever heard! 41 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,173 I should box your ears! 42 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,424 (stammering) You sneaky Pete! 43 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,134 -Easy, tiger. -Hey, you easy! 44 00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:57,760 Now get off my property! Off! 45 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,470 Hey Flanders, 46 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,972 who put that bug up your butt? 47 00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,807 Oh! I wanted to subscribe 48 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,684 to that new arts and crafts channel. 49 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,437 Well, sir, they send over this flimflam man to install it. 50 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,771 You know what he did? 51 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,690 He offered to hook me up illegally 52 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:13,401 to every cable channel for only 50 bucks. 53 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:16,070 Boy, what's this world coming to? 54 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,656 -That's exactly what I-- -Got to go! 55 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,992 Ooh! Hey, stop, cable man! 56 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,619 Stop! 57 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,495 (tires screech) 58 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,999 What do you want? 59 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,125 I want free cable. 60 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,168 (chuckles) 61 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,505 So... this is okay, isn't it? I mean everybody does it, right? 62 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,841 What? Oh, hey, if you're having second thoughts, 63 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,551 just read this pamphlet. 64 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,137 (Homer reading) 65 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,639 Uh-huh. 66 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,307 "Myth: Cable piracy is wrong. 67 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:48,686 "Fact: Cable companies are big, faceless corporations 68 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,480 which makes it okay." (laughing) 69 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,316 WOMAN: ...sie the clown is a treasure 70 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,068 that will last a lifetime. 71 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:58,738 Cable-- it's more wonderful than I dared hope. 72 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,823 COMEDIAN: Don't you hate it 73 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,993 when you go to the bathroom, and there's no toilet paper? 74 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,745 (laughing) 75 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:09,040 Oh, it's funny 'cause it's true. 76 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:12,001 Oh! Hey. Hey, family. 77 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,169 Family, come here. 78 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,046 I have an announcement to make. 79 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,131 The Simpsons have cable! 80 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,800 -Cable?! -Cable?! 81 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,051 Far out, man! 82 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:22,303 That's right. 68 channels. 83 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,056 MTV for the kids, VH-1 for us. 84 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:27,725 1,600 hours of quality programming 85 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,102 every day. 86 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,354 Homer, we talked about cable before. 87 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,147 You really think we can afford it? 88 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,607 (chuckles) Nothing a month. 89 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,734 Yeah, I think we can swing that. 90 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,153 (groans) Are you sure this is legal? 91 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,030 Don't worry Marge. Take a look at this. 92 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,451 "Myth: It's only fair to pay for quality, first-run movies. 93 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,954 "Fact: Most movies shown on cable 94 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:51,457 get two stars or less and are repeated ad nauseam." 95 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,751 Hmm, I don't know. 96 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,211 Marge. 97 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,423 WOMAN: Hear Me Roar, the network for women. 98 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,341 In the next half-hour, we'll show you 99 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,593 how to cut your first aid bill in half 100 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,595 by making your own Band-Aids. 101 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,098 Ooh, that's a good idea. 102 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,684 Now before we begin, you'll need five yards 103 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,269 of sterilized cotton... 104 00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,479 MAN: El Momeo lo pone en el sleeper hold! 105 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,357 Donde estan los medicos de Mexico? 106 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,943 Ooh, pro wrestling from Mexico. 107 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,903 You know, down there, it's a real sport. 108 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:24,115 Oh, cool. This is where "Jaws" eats the boat. 109 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:27,160 {\an8}Whoa. This is where "Die Hard" jumps through the window. 110 00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:30,663 Whoa, this is where "Wall Street" gets arrested. Ha-ha! 111 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,249 MAN: Mr. Speaker, if I could call your attention 112 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:37,337 to the retroactive subsidy appropriations override bill. 113 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:41,090 I refer you to page 4,500 and-- 114 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,468 They must think people will watch anything. 115 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,303 MAN: Live from New Orleans! 116 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:48,389 This is the World Series of Cockfighting. 117 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:52,060 Oh, son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the Bayou tonight. 118 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,479 DAVEY: We'd get there quicker if I drove my Dad's car. 119 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,481 GOLIATH: I don't know, Davey. 120 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,900 Aren't you ready for church, Homer? 121 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,569 Huh? Wha--? Oh, okay. 122 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:03,529 (turns TV off) 123 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:10,203 Now, today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. 124 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,288 He thinks he's got it made. 125 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,249 He's got his hi-fi, his boob tube, 126 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:18,169 and his instant pizza pie. 127 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,504 Ooh, pizza. 128 00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,172 All right, children. 129 00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,674 Now, I don't want you to get frightened, 130 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,636 but it's my responsibility to teach you this. 131 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,388 Today's topic will be Hell. 132 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,348 -(all exclaiming) -BART: All right. 133 00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:32,767 I've sat through mercy and I've sat through forgiveness. 134 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,560 Finally, we get to the good stuff. 135 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,396 Oh, Hell is a terrible place. 136 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,399 Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket. 137 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,026 There's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. 138 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,529 You'll be tormented day and night forever and ever. 139 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:47,323 As a matter of fact, If you actually saw hell, 140 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,574 you'd be so frightened you would die. 141 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,867 (gasps) 142 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,869 -Oh, Miss Albright? -Yes, Bart? 143 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,621 Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, 144 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,705 like in a hot tub? 145 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,874 No. Yes, Bart. 146 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,459 Are there pirates in hell? 147 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,253 Yes, thousands of them. 148 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:01,921 Ooh-ooh, baby. 149 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,673 So what you're saying is, 150 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,508 there's a down side to the afterlife. 151 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,386 How does one steer clear of this abode of the damned? 152 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:11,305 By obeying The Ten Commandments. 153 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,723 Ten simple rules 154 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,684 that are easy to live by. 155 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,688 (shuddering) 156 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,984 So, what did you children learn about today? 157 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:23,901 -Hell. -Bart! 158 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,695 Well that's what we learned about. 159 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,155 I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about Hell 160 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,073 unless I say Hell, can I? 161 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,241 Well, the lad has a point. 162 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,659 -Hell, yes. -Bart! 163 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,369 (singsongy) Hell, Hell, Hell, Hell, 164 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,329 Hell, Hell, Hell, Hell, Hell-- 165 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,790 Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. 166 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,167 Don't swear. 167 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,420 (door opens, closes) 168 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,796 (cat screeches) 169 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,592 Hey, anybody up for a little so-called pay TV? 170 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:48,968 -(turns TV on) -(both chuckle) 171 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,887 Dad, are you sure this isn't stealing? 172 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,972 Read the pamphlet, honey. 173 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,308 Hello, I'm Troy McClure. 174 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,810 You may remember me from such movies as 175 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,771 "Cry Yuma" and "Here Comes the Coast Guard." 176 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:01,856 But today, I'd like to talk to you about 177 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,608 a pleasant tasting candy 178 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,943 that actually cleans and straightens your teeth. 179 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,946 Oh, goody, a program-length advertisement. 180 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,866 Wait a minute, Troy. I'm a little confused. 181 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,744 Did you say, "Cleans and straightens"? 182 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,622 There's no confusion, Tina, just good science. 183 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,123 Ladies and gentlemen, 184 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,500 I'd like you to meet the inventor, 185 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,335 -Dr. Nick Riviera. -(applause) 186 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,795 Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody! 187 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,547 AUDIENCE: Hi, Dr. Nick! 188 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:27,882 DR. NICK: Now, could I have a volunteer? 189 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,218 Somebody with crooked, yellow teeth. 190 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,221 (gasping) 191 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,142 (fire crackling) 192 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,978 (rumbling) 193 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,732 DEVIL: Come on, Lisa. 194 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,443 Watch a little cable with us. 195 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,486 (evil chuckle) 196 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:49,779 It won't cost you a thing. 197 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,239 (evil laugh) 198 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,157 Except your soul! 199 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,534 (screaming) 200 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,410 What's gotten into Lisa? 201 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,828 Beats the hell out of me. 202 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,455 -Bart! -Ah! 203 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,546 ♪♪ (Muzak on P.A.) 204 00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:10,633 (gulps) 205 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,009 LISA: Mom, what are you doing? 206 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,386 What? What do you mean? 207 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,513 Don't you remember the eighth commandment? 208 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:16,764 Well, of course. 209 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,724 It's "Thou shalt not..." 210 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:22,019 um... "covet... graven... images." 211 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,521 Something about "covet." 212 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,565 Thou shalt not steal! 213 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,607 MARGE: Oh. 214 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:28,943 Anything else? 215 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,489 Yes, I ate two grapes. 216 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,575 Please charge me for them. 217 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,077 Oh, two grapes? Who cares? 218 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,246 Just charge me something, please. 219 00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,372 Yeah, okay, all right. 220 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,083 I need a price check on two grapes. 221 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,376 Yeah, you heard me, Phil-- 222 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,004 two measly, stinking grapes. 223 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,923 MAN: If you didn't catch it in the theater 224 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,758 or rent it, or see it someplace else, 225 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,761 we've got it on The Blockbuster Channel! 226 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,346 Dad, why is the world 227 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,307 such a cesspool of corruption? 228 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,725 Oh, great. 229 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,810 All right, what makes you say that? 230 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:05,313 {\an8}Well, at Sunday School, we learned that stealing is a sin. 231 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,398 -Well, duh. -But everybody does it. 232 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,609 I mean, we're stealing cable as we speak. 233 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,902 Oh, uh... look at it this way-- 234 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,738 when you had breakfast this morning, 235 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:14,822 did you pay for it? 236 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,866 -No. -And did you pay for 237 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,492 -those clothes you're wearing? -No, I didn't. 238 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,453 Well, run for the hills, Ma Barker, 239 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,288 before I call the feds! 240 00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:24,415 Dad, I think that's pretty spurious. 241 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:25,916 Well, thank you, honey. 242 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,544 ANNOUNCER: Friday night live from Las Vegas, 243 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,920 the ultimate match up. 244 00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:33,382 Ooh! 245 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,717 It's Watson-Tatum Two. 246 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,677 This time, it's for money! 247 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,095 Oh, boy! 248 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,556 Only on the Blockbuster Channel! 249 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,103 How can one, little insulated wire 250 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,938 bring so much happiness? 251 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,398 (kissing) 252 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,441 (sighs) 253 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,612 {\an8}LENNY: Hey, big fight coming up. 254 00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,322 {\an8}CARL: Yeah, you want to come over to my house 255 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,366 {\an8}and listen to round-by-round updates on the radio? 256 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,950 Oh, yeah, okay. 257 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,203 And then after the fight, we can watch the still photos 258 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,704 on the 11:00 news. 259 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,207 Not too shabby. What do you say, Homer? 260 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:10,086 Eh... we could do that, uh, yeah... 261 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,629 or we could go over to my house 262 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,715 and watch the whole thing live on cable TV! 263 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,966 -Wow! -Get off! 264 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,177 -You're kidding me! -Heh-heh. 265 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,262 Pass the pumice, please. 266 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,932 Um, he's Homer Simpson, sir-- one of your drones from Sector 7G. 267 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,350 Excellent! 268 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,311 I'm so keen on seeing "Watson vs. Tatum Two," 269 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,606 I'd even go to an employee's house. 270 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,692 I can picture it now-- 271 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:35,903 the screen door rusting off its filthy hinges, 272 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,155 mangy dog staggering about 273 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,282 looking vainly for a place to die. 274 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,575 Permission to speak frankly, sir? 275 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,660 Permission granted. 276 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,161 Well, you are quite wealthy-- 277 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:45,705 Thank you, Smithers. 278 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,498 Your candor is most refreshing. 279 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:50,501 No, no, I mean, why don't you pay for the fight yourself? 280 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,086 Dah! Smithers, 281 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:54,964 a big title fight is one of those rare occasions 282 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,800 that I savor the sights, the sounds and-- 283 00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:58,926 (sniffs) 284 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,845 Ah, yes-- the smells of other men. 285 00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:03,097 You haven't lost the common touch, sir. 286 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:06,350 So, Homer, I hear you got the fight. 287 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,768 Yeah, that's right. 288 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,438 8:00, my place. Come one, come all. 289 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,189 -All right! -(bell dings) 290 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,901 All right! Moe, how come you never got cable for the bar? 291 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:19,780 Well, it was either cable or the mechanical bull. 292 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,616 I made my choice and I stand by it. 293 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,163 Ooh! Somebody's having a party. 294 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,457 Yeah. Friday night-- you want to come over? 295 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,917 Thank you, but this store is open 24 hours. 296 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,961 It puts great demands on my time. 297 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:36,672 Too bad. It's gonna be a great fight. 298 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,007 Oh, the fight! 299 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,383 Why didn't you say something? 300 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,011 I'll get my brother Sanjay to cover for me. 301 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,013 He deplores violence of all kinds. 302 00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,140 LISA: So, even if a man takes bread 303 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,852 to feed his starving family, that would be stealing? 304 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,563 No. Well, it is if he puts anything on it. 305 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,483 {\an8}-Jelly, for example. -I see. 306 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,568 Oh, come on, Lisa, now you're here for a reason. 307 00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,945 Is your father stealing bread? 308 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,656 Maybe. I don't watch him every minute. 309 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,701 But what I am sure of is, we're getting cable for free. 310 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,621 Well, I'm afraid that is stealing, Lisa, 311 00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:11,040 and I think you must do something. Hm. 312 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,416 Should I have my father arrested? 313 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,335 Well, Lisa, on the surface, that would appear to be 314 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,586 an ideal solution to the problem, 315 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,339 but remember the fifth commandment-- 316 00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:22,051 "Honor thy father and thy mother." 317 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:26,305 Hmm, Lisa, I would like to see you set an example 318 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,933 by not watching the offending technology yourself. 319 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,185 Thank you, Reverend Lovejoy. 320 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,187 FEMALE: You're watching Top Hat Entertainment-- 321 00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:36,607 adult programming, all day, every day, 322 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,818 except in Florida and Utah. 323 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,946 Coming up next: "Stardust Mammaries" 324 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,948 ♪♪ 325 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,741 Ay, caramba! 326 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,535 -HOMER: Bart! -Dad! 327 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,246 Oh! Here's what I was looking for. 328 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,956 MAN: ...Blue chips closed up 3 and 3 quarters. 329 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,959 Oil service stocks slumped slightly... 330 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:57,294 Son, you shouldn't watch that other channel. 331 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,296 It's only for Mommies and Daddies 332 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,382 who love each other very much. 333 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:02,925 I want you to promise me 334 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,635 you won't watch that channel ever again. 335 00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:06,053 -Okay. -Promise me. 336 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,264 I promise I will never watch that channel again. 337 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,598 Good boy. 338 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,976 Hi Dad. I think stealing cable is wrong, 339 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:13,561 so I'm choosing not to watch it 340 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,646 in the hope others will follow my example 341 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,439 It's the last you'll hear from me on the matter. 342 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,649 Thank you for your time. 343 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,234 Hey, Lisa... 344 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,278 Racing from Belmont? Horsies! 345 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,656 -Sorry, I'd rather go to heaven. -Hmm. 346 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,992 HOMER: There's something wrong with that kid. 347 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,827 She's so moral. 348 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,662 Why can't she be more like-- 349 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,122 Well, not like Bart, 350 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,082 but there's gotta be a happy medium. 351 00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:38,002 Well, you know, 352 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,796 Bart was looking at that racy movie today, 353 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,341 and Lisa's losing a little respect for you. 354 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:48,512 Hmm. Maybe we should think about unhooking the cable. 355 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,806 Unhook it?! But I love cable. 356 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,100 Well, then maybe you should pay for it. 357 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,811 D'oh! Look, look, Marge, I can't afford it. 358 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,897 When I can afford to pay for it, I will, 359 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,607 but I can't, so I'm not going to. 360 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:02,568 Homer, I'm afraid that cable has become 361 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,528 an evil presence in our home. 362 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:08,699 Marge, I never put my foot down about anything-- 363 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:10,868 -No. -But I am severely tempted 364 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:12,119 to do it over this. 365 00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:13,787 -Oh, Homer. -Marge, I'm sorry. 366 00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,248 -I think it's coming down. -No, Homer-- 367 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:18,000 It's coming down, my foot-- That's it, Marge! 368 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,085 It's coming down. The cable stays. 369 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,754 The foot has spoken. 370 00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:22,922 (loud thud) 371 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,927 -BOY: Lemonade? Please. -Seen it. 372 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,679 -MAN: Cleans and straightens your teeth. -Seen it. 373 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,931 -♪♪ (rap) -Seen it. 374 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,015 -I was poor like you-- -Seen it. 375 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,185 Ugh, soccer. Seen it. 376 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,437 -Hey, Simpson. -What? Hey, how'd you get in here? 377 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,649 Well, your door wasn't locked in any serious way. 378 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,234 I wonder if you'd be interested in this car stereo? 379 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:47,905 A $500 value, but I'll let you have it for 40 bucks. 380 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,491 Get out of my house! I don't want to associate with criminals. 381 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,742 Well, maybe I'll go see your neighbor. 382 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:52,910 He's not home. 383 00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:53,911 Even better. 384 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:59,625 (locks clicking) 385 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,460 Are you sure you want do this, Homer? 386 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,420 It doesn't look friendly. 387 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,047 Marge, we can't be too careful. 388 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,799 There are thieves everywhere, 389 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,385 and I'm not talking about the small, forgivable stuff. 390 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,679 Come one, come all. 391 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:15,349 Top Hat Theater is on the air. 392 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,184 The most beautiful women in the world. 393 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,979 Just 50 cents. I am your host, Bart Simpson. 394 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,272 You must be at least eight years old to enter. 395 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,277 WOMAN: And now, the Top Hat Channel 396 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:30,364 is honored to present "Broadcast Nudes." 397 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:31,657 ALL: Ooh. 398 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,785 -Gross! -Yet strangely compelling. 399 00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,745 -HOMER: Huh?! -It's a raid! 400 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,747 What the-- What are all these kids-- 401 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,418 Hey! I know you. Come back here! 402 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,715 Bart, you promised me you wouldn't watch that trash. 403 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:48,924 Now go to your room! 404 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,759 Man, I wish I was an adult 405 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,428 so I could break the rules. 406 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,470 Oh, great. 407 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,472 (tires squeal) 408 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,141 -(cat screeches) -Here. 409 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,435 I brought some imported generic beer. 410 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,186 Oh, thank you, Barney. 411 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,980 How many people are coming, Homer? 412 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,691 Just a select circle of my friends. 413 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,026 Oh, hello, Mrs. Homer. 414 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,485 I brought an assortment of jerkies. 415 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,154 Ooh, did you swipe those from work? 416 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:13,824 Certainly not. What has been implied here? 417 00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:16,326 MAN: Oh, no sir, there is no love lost 418 00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,578 between these two warriors. 419 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,580 In fact, we almost had a scuffle 420 00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,331 earlier today at the weigh-in. 421 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,043 I understand you have a special motivation 422 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,294 going into this bout. 423 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,296 Yeah. I wanna dedicate this fight 424 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,174 to my manager Vinnie who got me here, 425 00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,426 and then-- (sobbing) 426 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,845 passed away just two weeks ago. 427 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,346 Any response to that? 428 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,058 Yeth, I would altho like to dedicate thith fight 429 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,893 to the memory of his deceased manager. 430 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,686 -You can't do that. -I can do whatever I want. 431 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,396 You dedicate the fight to your manager, man! 432 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,981 This is just incorrigible. 433 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,983 I just want to call attention to the fact 434 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,569 that I'm not watching this fight. 435 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,905 It's my form of nonviolent protest. 436 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,031 (doorbell rings) 437 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,909 Hey, Homer. I brought-- 438 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,119 Ahh! Quick! It's Moe! 439 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,746 I got to hide the mugs. 440 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,168 Well-- Will you-- 441 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:09,505 Hey, go protest outside, will you? Now! 442 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,926 Hey, Homer. I brought you a mug. 443 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,803 Ooh! Thank you, Moe. 444 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,513 I always wanted one of these. 445 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,847 Ahh! 446 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,391 Oh, Mr. Burns! 447 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,979 Bart, quick. Hide the stuff I borrowed from work. 448 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:28,398 -Borrowed? -All right, the stuff I stole from work. 449 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,192 Oh, okay. 450 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:38,492 Now, come on! Take all this and this, put it in the closet. 451 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,078 -Will you quit staring at me like that? -(doorbell rings) 452 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,497 Oh, hello, Simpson. 453 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,666 We were just in the neighborhood 454 00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:47,543 and thought we'd drop by. 455 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,378 Uh, hello, Mr. Burns. 456 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,463 Would you like to watch the fight? 457 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,550 The fight? Well, don't mind if I do. 458 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:58,554 Oh, Simpson, good news. I brought some munchies. 459 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,556 Smithers, the Cheetos. 460 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,643 (both scream) 461 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,311 Our main event is set to commence 462 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,105 in but a few scant minutes. The anticipation... 463 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,858 -(screams) -You Homer Simpson? 464 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,192 -Yeah. -Word on the street 465 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,402 is that you have an illegal cable hookup. 466 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,571 No. No, I-- It wasn't me. 467 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,406 It was my wife's-- my wife's idea. 468 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,409 -Yeah, yeah. (sobbing) -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 469 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,536 Hey, settle down, big fella. 470 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:25,914 We're just-- Whoa! We're just wondering if we could watch the fight. 471 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,834 Oh, sure, sure. Be my guest. 472 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,632 Lisa, I brought you some lemonade for your protest. 473 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,092 Thanks, Mom. 474 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,886 It doesn't seem to be going very well. 475 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,471 Well, don't give up. When you love somebody 476 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,348 you have to have faith that in the end, 477 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,725 they will do the right thing. 478 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,312 ANNOUNCER: The challenger learned how to fight 479 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,689 in the notorious projects of Capitol City, 480 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,734 and honed his skills while serving time 481 00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:56,069 for aggravated assault and manslaughter 482 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,571 in Springfield Prison. 483 00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:00,282 All right! A local boy. 484 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,409 CHALLENGER: For five years, I was-- I was incarcerated 485 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:05,454 away from my family and the mother to my children. 486 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,581 The conditions were irrevocable. 487 00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:08,999 COMMENTATOR: Aggravated assault, 488 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:11,710 manslaughter, stealing cable, 489 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,670 (echoing) cable, cable... 490 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,048 (whimpering) 491 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,884 Marge! Lisa! Maggie! 492 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,390 Shake hands. 493 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:26,642 -Keep it clean. -(bell dings) 494 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,310 Come on, boy. 495 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,395 (crowd cheering) 496 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,730 Excuse me. 497 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,274 I hate to interrupt your judging me, 498 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,817 but I wanted you to know 499 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,986 I've made a couple of really important decisions. 500 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,489 Number one, I'm cutting the cable 501 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,115 as soon as the fight's over. 502 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,408 And number two, 503 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,577 I'm not very fond of any of you. 504 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,038 -Well, back to the fight. -Sit down, boy! 505 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,666 Dad, we may have saved your soul. 506 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,834 Tatum is reeling from the champs exquisite haymaker. 507 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,254 Yeah, at the worst possible time. 508 00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,300 ALL: ...eight, nine, ten. 509 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,052 (cheering) 510 00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,387 ANNOUNCER: This fight is history. 511 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,930 Stick a fork in it-- it's done. 512 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,974 A stunning knockout by a thunderous bolo punch 513 00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,934 in the closing seconds of the 12th round, 514 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:12,229 and Drederick Tatum is the new champion of the world. 515 00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:15,107 Everyone to my place for blueberry Squishees 516 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,733 -and microwave burritos. -(cheering) 517 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:20,988 The greatest fight ever and I missed it. 518 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:23,490 We're really proud of you, Dad. 519 00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:25,200 What a donnybrook, eh, Mr. Burns? 520 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,869 Oh, hogwash. Why I once watched Gentleman Jim Corbett 521 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:31,873 fight an Eskimo fellow bare-knuckled for 113 rounds. 522 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,501 Back then, of course, if a fight lasted less then 50 rounds 523 00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,628 we demanded our nickel back. 524 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,131 Cable clippers, please. 525 00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:40,299 Here you go, Homey. 526 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,967 LISA: Go for it, Dad. 527 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,844 Dad, I beg you to reconsider. 528 00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:46,179 Tractor pulls, Atlanta Braves baseball 529 00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:48,682 Joe Franklin! 530 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:56,690 Hmm... 531 00:22:01,069 --> 00:22:03,030 Whoops. 532 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:07,075 Third time's a charm. 533 00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:09,703 (static) 534 00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:17,127 ♪♪ 535 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:00,796 Shh! 536 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:07,469 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.