1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,589 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:11,177 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,139 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,228 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:32,532 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:33,658 (tires screech) 7 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,245 D'oh! 8 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,497 -Aah! -(tires screech) 9 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,513 {\an8}ANNOUNCER (on TV): Live, from Mount Splashmore, 10 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,099 {\an8}the tri-county area's funnest water recreation facility, 11 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,351 {\an8}it's "The Krusty the Clown Show." 12 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:04,064 {\an8}-Hey, kids! -(cheering) 13 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,734 {\an8}You know, today's the last day of our special week 14 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:11,529 {\an8}on location at fabulous Mount Splashmore. 15 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:14,365 {\an8}And I just want to say the people here 16 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,993 {\an8}have been super to me and Sideshow Mel. 17 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,578 -(horn squeaks) -The food, the grog... 18 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,371 Oh, they threw us a brunch yesterday 19 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:23,374 with fresh fruit and the most delicious melon. 20 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:26,795 Oh, we ate till we plotzed. And of course, the thing I'm gonna miss most 21 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:30,924 is those special, special Mount Splashmore water slides. 22 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,761 God bless 'em. So much fun, so many memories. Excuse me a minute. 23 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,931 -It has been a great week, hasn't it Lise? -(sighs) 24 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:41,267 {\an8}I hope all you kids come out this weekend and really pack this place 25 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,728 {\an8}just to show 'em how grateful I am. 26 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:47,941 {\an8}I told them you would. Don't make me a liar. (laughs) 27 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,944 Okay, kids it's time to... 28 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,405 {\an8}Yeah! 29 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,459 -(crowd cheering) -(Krusty laughing) 30 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,670 This is a rather shameless promotion. 31 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,296 -Hey, it worked on me. -Me too. 32 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,048 (snoring) 33 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,466 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 34 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,884 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 35 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,302 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No! 36 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,804 {\an8}-Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No! 37 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,139 {\an8}-Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 38 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,431 {\an8}-Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 39 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,850 {\an8}-Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 40 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,101 {\an8}-Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No! 41 00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,686 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 42 00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:26,229 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No. 43 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,524 {\an8}-Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -(screams) No! No! 44 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,943 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No! No! 45 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,779 -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? -No! No! 46 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,866 If I take you, will you two shut up and quit bugging me? 47 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,325 -Yeah. -Of course. 48 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,327 -Well? -Will you take us to Mount Splashmore? 49 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,704 -(screaming) Yes! -BOTH: Thanks, Dad. 50 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,289 (horn blares) 51 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,583 Come on, Homer, get the lead out! 52 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,126 (horn honking) 53 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,669 -(groaning) -(honking continues) 54 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,088 Oh, gee... 55 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,677 Homer, that suit doesn't leave much to the imagination. 56 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,804 (inhales deeply, groans) 57 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,015 -(horn blares) -Heads up, kids. I'm moving the seat back. 58 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,017 It is back. 59 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,810 (tires squeal) 60 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,065 (screaming) 61 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,862 All right, everybody stick together. 62 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,489 We don't want to get separ-- D'oh! 63 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,117 MAN (on speaker): Challenge the raging waters of death. 64 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,162 Dare to discover what water is really made of: 65 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,581 H2whoa! 66 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,833 -Whoa. -Whoa. 67 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:32,045 All right! No line. 68 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,466 BART: Ay, caramba. 69 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,970 Okay, Lise, turn on the waterworks, babe. 70 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,347 Mommy! 71 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,975 -I want my Mommy! -BART: Step aside, come on. 72 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,518 Spread out, spread out. Lost kid comin' through. 73 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,270 Look out, fatso. Coming through, coming through. 74 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,688 Pardon me. Moving to the front of the line. 75 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,232 -(wailing) -Hey, Lise, nice work, babe. 76 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,660 No, Maggie, stay in the shallow end. 77 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,914 To hell with this. 78 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,707 Slide inspector coming through. 79 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,459 Please move to the right. Grab the handrail, young man. 80 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,753 Out of my way! I'm here for your safety. 81 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,546 God bless that man. 82 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,173 (crowd grumbling) 83 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,051 (screams) 84 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,427 (screams) 85 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,806 (screams) 86 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,185 Bitchin'! 87 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,021 (laughing) 88 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,189 (thud) 89 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,900 Hey! What? 90 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,944 Come on, you stupid tube. 91 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:38,945 (alarm buzzing) 92 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,030 Hmm, looks like there's a jam in Delta Sector. 93 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,032 Hmm. Well, it's too big to be human. 94 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,826 Well, send down a few kids. That should dislodge it. 95 00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:46,202 MAN (on radio): Keep 'em coming, Biff. 96 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,745 Roger. 97 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,372 (kids laughing) 98 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,957 (kids screaming happily) 99 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,333 (Homer screaming) 100 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,043 (kids screaming in terror) 101 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,086 (thudding) 102 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:58,172 HOMER: D'oh! Can't... breathe. 103 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,508 -Too many... children. -(thudding continues) 104 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:06,514 (scattered boos) 105 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,391 Eyewitnesses estimate the man's weight 106 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,019 at somewhere between 400 and 500 pounds. 107 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,021 And now on the lighter side of the news, 108 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,773 -and I use the term loosely. (chuckles) -D'oh! 109 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:19,193 -(reporters shouting) -No, the slide is perfectly safe. 110 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,696 -This was an isolated incident. -I understand that, Krusty. 111 00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,781 But, Krusty, isn't that exactly what you said 112 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:26,200 right before the recall of tainted Krusty brand mayonnaise? 113 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:29,203 Now, Kent you know that question is out of bounds. 114 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,997 This interview's over. This interview's over. 115 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,042 All right, family. I want the truth. 116 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,294 Don't pull any punches. 117 00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,880 Am I just a little bit overweight? 118 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,634 -Well, am I? -Forgive us, Dad, 119 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,970 but it takes time to properly sugarcoat a response. 120 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,597 Ohh! 121 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,981 Oh, 437! What? 122 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,858 Fifty-five? Oh, my God! 123 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:01,319 Three hundred and... What's this-- 150? 124 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,279 Ah! Oh. Ah! Oh. 125 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,657 Oh, my God! It's 260 pounds! 126 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,786 I'm a big fat pig! 127 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,955 Now, Homer, you do have big bones. 128 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:16,459 Marge, no one gains 30 pounds of bone. 129 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,878 (breathing heavily) I'm going on a diet. 130 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,546 From this day forward, 131 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,965 I pledge there will be no pork chop too succulent, 132 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,967 no doughnut too tasty, 133 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,054 no pizza too laden with delicious topping, 134 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,056 to prevent me from reaching 135 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,934 my scientifically determined ideal weight. 136 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:38,064 As God is my witness, I'll always be hungry again! 137 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,232 (stomach gurgling) 138 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,691 D'oh! Shut up! 139 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,699 This old attic's kind of spooky, isn't it, boy? 140 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,076 I said, isn't it, boy? 141 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,077 -(switch clicks) -Ahh! 142 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,328 (stammers) 143 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,455 Don't ever do that to me again. 144 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,249 -Okay. -D'oh! Bart! 145 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,292 (cries out) Get away from that thing 146 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,710 and help me find my athletic equipment. 147 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,212 -(mouse squeaks) -Hmm. 148 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,089 Hey, Homer, I found your weights. 149 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:05,591 Oh, the glutemus maximizer. 150 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,760 Hey! Who's the mop top with the big schnozz? 151 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:11,389 Don't you know anything, boy? That's Ringo Starr. 152 00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,516 What is this? 153 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,436 Hey, your mother must have painted this. 154 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,855 I guess she thought he was kinda cute. 155 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,398 What? Hey! 156 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,732 What the-- 157 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,234 Marge! 158 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,819 No, Homer. 159 00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:26,779 Don't be jealous. I was a schoolgirl. 160 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,906 The Beatles were very popular, and I had a crush on them. 161 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,241 Likely story. 162 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,744 Oh, why did I have to start my diet 163 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,329 on pork chop night? 164 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,082 Now Homer, we've got steamed vegetables 165 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,959 and rice cakes for you. 166 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,878 (shudders) Well, wait a minute. 167 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,547 Well, hey, I've been setting my drinks on these things. 168 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,591 Well, they're only 35 calories apiece. 169 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,012 Hello? Hello? 170 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:53,181 Hello, taste? Where are you? 171 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,017 You can put a little something on top for flavor. 172 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,518 Hey, hey, now you're talking. 173 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,562 {\an8}Hey, Mom! These paintings are good. 174 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,231 {\an8}While I know firsthand how fragile young talent is, 175 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,984 I'd love to hear the particulars of how your gift was squashed. 176 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,360 (groans) Well... 177 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,531 (scoffs) No, not another portrait 178 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,241 of that bongo-beating Liverpudlian. 179 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,367 But Mr. Schindler, I-- 180 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,786 Someone might have used this canvas 181 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,497 to create a masterpiece. 182 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,166 Instead, you've soiled it forever. 183 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:23,419 -Now, this is art. -Thank you, Mr. Schindler. 184 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,005 LISA: Oh, Mom, I can't believe you gave up painting 185 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:29,175 because of one small-minded art teacher. 186 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:32,094 MARGE: I was so upset, I decided to send the portrait 187 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,931 to the only man on Earth whose opinion I could really trust. 188 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,225 LISA: And what was Ringo's response? 189 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,561 Mmm, I never got any, and I never painted again. 190 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:43,105 Maybe you could take a class at Springfield Community College. 191 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,691 I think it's a very nice idea. 192 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,485 -Don't you, Homer? -Do I have to do anything? 193 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,028 -No. -Great! Fine! 194 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:50,571 -Go nuts! Hee-hee-hee. -(timer dings) 195 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,659 -Mmm! Only 35 calories. -(groans) 196 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,164 Oh, hello, Mrs. Homer. 197 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,208 Apu, what are you doing here? 198 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,252 I've just enrolled in the screenwriting class. 199 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,713 I yearn to tell the story of an idealistic young Hindu 200 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:11,050 pushed too far by convenience store bandits. 201 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,469 I call it "Hands Off My Jerky, Turkey." 202 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,680 -Clever title. -Oh, thank you. 203 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,306 Actually my brother Sanjay thought of it. 204 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,267 -Next up. -My mother would like to enroll 205 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,310 in "Painting From Life" 2-B, please. 206 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,854 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast there, pint-size. 207 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,482 I'm afraid no one can enroll until Professor Lombardo 208 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,985 personally inspects and approves their portfolio. 209 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:32,238 -Lisa, this was a bad idea. -Mom! 210 00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:36,284 Ah, very good. Fabulous! 211 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,327 Ah, even better. 212 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,954 You have real talent. 213 00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:41,664 Hmm. Do you really think so? 214 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,583 My high school art teacher hated them. 215 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,626 What? The man was a fool. 216 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,629 But still, one must admire the force of his conviction. 217 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,673 -Then I'm in the class? -Oh, my dear, 218 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,550 there couldn't be a class without you. 219 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:56,053 Now, if you'll excuse me, nature calls. 220 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,139 Marvelous! 221 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:02,226 (straining) Stupid weights. 222 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:05,187 The heavy hands don't work unless you move, Homer. 223 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,897 I can't move, boy. 224 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,190 Oh, really? 225 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,360 (grunting) Oh! 226 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,113 Now, using the Lombardo method, 227 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,907 you learn to see everyday objects 228 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,577 as a simple grouping of geometrical shapes. 229 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:23,080 Here, we see how two concentric circles 230 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,540 various trapezoids, ellipsis-- 231 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,751 and yes, even a rhombus-- 232 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:30,421 can create an adorable little bunny rabbit. 233 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,256 It's just that easy! 234 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,716 (groaning) 235 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:37,428 (straining) 236 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,430 ♪ Lincoln, Lincoln, I've been thinkin' ♪ 237 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,432 ♪ What the hell have you been drinkin'? ♪ 238 00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:43,434 ♪ Is it water, is it wine? ♪ 239 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,645 ♪ Oh, my gosh, it's turpentine ♪ 240 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,397 -(both cheering) -Go! Go! Go! 241 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,566 ♪♪ 242 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,984 (cat screeching) 243 00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:58,949 Bravo! 244 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,327 Walk away from it. Now it belongs to the ages. 245 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,703 You. Not another stroke. 246 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,040 Oh, well, maybe one more. That's it! Perfect! 247 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,250 Mmm... indeed. 248 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,461 Marge, you find the inner beauty 249 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,338 of your subject and bring it out for all to see. 250 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:13,881 Well, thank you, Professor Lombardo. 251 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,966 Well, you're welcome, my dear. 252 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,636 -(quietly) Marge, walk with me. -(Marge groans) 253 00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,097 Marge, they've asked me 254 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,015 to submit the best painting from my class 255 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,726 to the Springfield Art Exhibition next week. 256 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,814 I've decided to choose your Bald Adonis. 257 00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,774 Really? You're so supportive. 258 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,693 I wish every teacher was like you. 259 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,529 Marge, please, I don't take praise very well! 260 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,324 Oh! Another triumph! 261 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,454 Hmm. 262 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:47,623 Hmm. 263 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,250 Hmm. 264 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,420 Hmm. 265 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,796 Yeah. 266 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,840 -I can't believe it! -(applause) 267 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,091 -Yeah! -Go Mom! 268 00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,300 -All right! -Whoo-hoo! 269 00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,927 I'm a work of art! 270 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,054 "Last Supper," eat your heart out. 271 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,056 -(kissing) -(camera shutters clicking) 272 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,475 Garbage! 273 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,103 What matchbook art school did you flunk out of? 274 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:11,313 You ham-fisted nearsighted house painter! 275 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,023 Smithers, throw this on the dung heap. 276 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,775 I'm sorry. This isn't working out. I quit. 277 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,652 -Well, Smithers, -(door slams) 278 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,028 I guess that's what you call your artistic temperament. 279 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:21,365 Sir, I must remind you that the dedication 280 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,617 of the Burns Wing of the museum is only six days away. 281 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,662 Damnation, Smithers. This idea of yours to immortalize me 282 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,372 in a portrait was as half-baked 283 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,374 as your idea about me having children. 284 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,042 Smithers, find me an artist. 285 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:35,129 Sir, I'm afraid you've systematically alienated 286 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,964 Springfield's entire art community. 287 00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,508 The only one left is this Mrs. Homer Simpson. 288 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,635 -Who? -Well, she won first prize 289 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,804 in the Springfield Art Fair, and is the wife of an employee. 290 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,556 -She'll be easily intimidated. -Excellent. 291 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:48,142 Once again, the wheel has turned, 292 00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:51,562 and dame fortune has hugged Montgomery Burns 293 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,981 to her sweet, perfumed bosom. 294 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,983 Somebody up there likes me, Smithers. 295 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,359 SMITHERS: Somebody down here likes you too, sir. 296 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,778 BURNS: Shut up! 297 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,574 ♪♪ (Western showdown music) 298 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,913 D'oh! Whoo! 299 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,706 D'oh! Whoo! 300 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,082 D'oh! Whoo! D'oh! Whoo! 301 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,126 D'oh! Whoo-hoo! D'oh! Whoo-hoo! 302 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,628 D'oh! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! 303 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,881 249! Yeah! Wa! Wa! Wa! 304 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,717 Marge! Marge! Look at me. 305 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,677 My clothes are just hanging off me. 306 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,513 That's wonderful, isn't it, kids? 307 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,264 {\an8}Pass the moo juice. 308 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,849 Kids, remember what I told you about showing a little support? 309 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,769 -Way to go, Dad! -You look mah-velous. 310 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,437 Oh, what a family. 311 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,022 Hey, what gives? 312 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:36,816 These doughnuts are piling up. 313 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,276 Huh. Yeah, Homer Simpson went on a diet. 314 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,696 Oh, my God, and I just bought a boat. 315 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:48,911 (straining) 316 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,329 (tap) 317 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:53,499 Well, don't people answer the door these days? 318 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:54,542 Allow me, sir. 319 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,670 Open up! Open up! 320 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:01,590 Mr. Burns. Oh, would you like to come in? 321 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,343 Mr. Burns would like to commission you to do a portrait of him. 322 00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,262 Have you ever painted the rich and powerful? 323 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,472 Well, no. Just Ringo Starr. 324 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,932 Ring-go? 325 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,642 He was the drummer for a rock and roll combo 326 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:12,893 called The Beatles, sir. 327 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,021 Beatles, eh? Oh, yes. I seem to remember 328 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:19,066 their off-key caterwauling on the old Sullivan show. 329 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,276 What was Ed thinking? 330 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,194 Mrs. Simpson, this commission 331 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:25,030 and all of its glory can be yours 332 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,949 but first you must look me straight in the eye 333 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,617 and answer one simple question. 334 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,287 -Okay, shoot. -Can you make me beautiful? 335 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,539 Hmm. Well, I don't think that will be a problem. 336 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,583 I'm no matinee idol, you know. 337 00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:37,751 Well, maybe not, but I have the gift 338 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,837 of being able to see inner beauty. 339 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,424 Hmm. Mrs. Simpson, you may immortalize me. 340 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,593 Ah, sir, 341 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,345 at last the world will see you as I always have. 342 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,973 Yes, yes, yes. Now, don't be stingy with the blush, Smithers. 343 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,016 There. There. 344 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,478 Now, you-- paint! 345 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,605 (groaning) 346 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,441 Honey, I'm home. 347 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:01,859 Oh, there's an original sentiment. 348 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:02,902 (screams) 349 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,445 Take it outside, Simpson. 350 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,821 I'm male modeling. 351 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,448 I'm painting his portrait, Homer. 352 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:10,117 (laughing) Isn't that wonderful? 353 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,828 My work and my home life come together 354 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,872 in such a nice way. 355 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,624 Marge, may I see you in the other room? 356 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,375 Honey, he's nuts. He thinks he's handsome. 357 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:19,835 Please, you've got to make him look handsome. 358 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,503 Please, please, please, please, please, please, please. 359 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,047 Now, Homer, don't worry. 360 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,008 All I need to do is find Mr. Burns' inner beauty. 361 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,552 Ohh! Okay. 362 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:33,098 Hmm. What were you like as a boy, Mr. Burns? 363 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,683 Did you have a dog that you loved? 364 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,393 Well... (cries out) 365 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,938 There's something on my leg! Get it off! Get it off! 366 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,732 -Mr. Burns, she's just a baby. -BURNS: Ugh! 367 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,402 All right, all right. 368 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,696 Who took the funny pages? 369 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,865 So Ziggy goes to the repair shop, 370 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,909 and there's a sign on the doorbell reading 371 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,869 -"Out of order." -(chuckles) 372 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,206 Ah, Ziggy, will you ever win? 373 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,376 (humming tune) 374 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,878 -Oh, my! -If you'll excuse me, 375 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,964 I'm changing for a board meeting. 376 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,424 I'm so sorry, Mr. Burns. 377 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,010 Hey, Mom, did he have those spots all over his body? 378 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,595 -I heard that. -Oops. 379 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,973 Would you feel more comfortable if I left, too, sir? 380 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,393 Of course not, Smithers. You're... you're like a doctor. 381 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,144 (kettle whistling) 382 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,480 BURNS: Smithers, I want my tea! 383 00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:23,732 Doesn't it bother you that he orders you around like that? 384 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:27,152 (chuckles) Actually, I value every second we're together 385 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,738 from the moment I squeeze his orange juice in the morning 386 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,532 till I tuck him in at night. 387 00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:34,034 He's not just my boss. He's my best friend, too. 388 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,703 Bah! Too hot! 389 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:36,954 You're right, sir. 390 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,414 It's scalding me as we speak. 391 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:39,873 (gasps, grumbles) 392 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,461 Dear Sally. 393 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,798 In response to your letter of December 12, 1966, 394 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,800 me favorite color is blue, 395 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,427 and me real first name is Richard. 396 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,595 -(bell dings) -Thanks for the snapshot. 397 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,557 -You're a real cute bird. Love, Ringo. -(bell dinging) 398 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,892 P.S. Forgive the lateness of my reply. 399 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,729 -Mr. Starr, tea and crumpets. -Just set it over there. 400 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:04,481 Sir, if you'll forgive an old Brit his impertinence, 401 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,734 your devotion to your fans is nothing short of remarkable. 402 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:09,445 Well, Weatherby, they took the time to write me, 403 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,740 and I don't care if it takes me another 20 years. 404 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,409 I'm going to answer every one of them. 405 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,995 Hello. What's this? 406 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:21,415 From Springfield, U.S.A. 407 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:22,624 Gear. 408 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,546 ♪♪ 409 00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:30,340 Will you cease that infernal tootling? 410 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,301 -I was just practicing. -(groans) 411 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:35,054 Mr. Burns, it's hard to discover your inner beauty 412 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,139 while you're shouting at an eight-year-old girl. 413 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:40,017 We've only got two days left, so I'd advise you to shut up and paint! 414 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,060 (groans) 415 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,478 All right scale, 416 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,271 you don't like me and I don't like you, 417 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,982 but I've been very good, so you'd better treat me right. 418 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,568 All right! Whoa-ho-ho! 419 00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,403 Whoo! Whoo! 420 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:55,491 Marge, I'm 239 and I'm feeling fine. 421 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,368 Look, I'm using the original notches that came with my belt. 422 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,038 That's wonderful, Homer. I'm so proud of-- 423 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,664 Let me get this straight. 424 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:06,168 You're pleased with your current appearance? 425 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,670 (laughs) Why, my good man, 426 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,589 you're the fattest thing I've ever seen 427 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,508 -and I've been on safari. -(chuckling) 428 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:15,427 (crying) If you need me, I'll be in the refrigerator. 429 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:18,138 -(sobbing) -(groaning) 430 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:21,642 Mr. Burns, I've had enough of your posing. 431 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,685 I can finish the portrait myself. 432 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,480 Thank goodness. Another day in this suburban nightmare, 433 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,981 and I would have needed half a white Valium. 434 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,067 Thank you for your gracious hospitality. 435 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,652 See you at the unveiling. 436 00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,112 (whistling) 437 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:37,825 (gasps) Homer, what are you doing? Give me that! 438 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,661 No, Burns is right. What's the use? 439 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,539 Don't you listen to him. He's just a mean, little S.O.B. 440 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,457 Oh, Marge. 441 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,334 I thought there was some good in everybody 442 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,586 -until I met him. -Yeah, well, 443 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,463 just as long as you paint a nice picture of him by noon tomorrow. 444 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,965 -I don't think I can. -What? 445 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,091 Marge, you have to! 446 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,676 I can't make that man beautiful! 447 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,886 I'm just not good enough. 448 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,513 I guess I'm no artist. 449 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:02,141 Hmm. Hello. What's this? 450 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,352 It's for you, Marge, from merry old England. 451 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,104 "From the desk of Ringo Starr." 452 00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:08,814 RINGO: "Dear Marge. 453 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,483 "Thanks for the fab painting of yours truly. 454 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,277 "I hung it on me wall. 455 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,653 "You're quite an artist. 456 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,446 "In answer to your question-- 457 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,907 "Yes, we do have hamburgers and fries in England, 458 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,618 "but we call french fries 'chips.' 459 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,453 "Love, Ringo. 460 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,914 P.S. Forgive the lateness of my reply." 461 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:29,209 -Ooh! -Come on, Marge, paint. 462 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,295 I think you can do it. 463 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:34,590 Okay, Homer, if you think I can. 464 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:38,135 RINGO: ♪ Got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues ♪ 465 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:40,971 ♪ And you know it don't come easy ♪ 466 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,976 ♪ You don't have to shout or leap about ♪ 467 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:49,605 ♪ You can even play them easy ♪ 468 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,321 (chamber music playing) 469 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,533 (playing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow") 470 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,995 Friends, art lovers, security personnel, 471 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,580 today is a red letter day 472 00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:08,498 for the Springfield Palace of Fine Arts. 473 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:12,002 A new wing for our museum, ooh, and a portrait 474 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,421 commemorating the man who ponied up the dough. 475 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:18,133 Ladies and gentlemen, may I invite you 476 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,179 to behold Montgomery Burns. 477 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,890 (straining) 478 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,350 Smithers. 479 00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,771 -(crowd gasps) -(glass shatters) 480 00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,898 -Oh. -D'oh! 481 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:34,524 I don't care for this at all. 482 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:41,240 Um... hello. 483 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:45,702 My name is Marge Simpson, and I painted this. 484 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,455 Maybe you'd like to know what possessed me to do it. 485 00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:52,125 Well, I guess I wanted to show 486 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:55,170 that beneath Mr. Burns' fearsome head 487 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,756 with its cruel lips, spiteful tongue 488 00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,549 and evil brain, 489 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,261 there was a frail, withered body, 490 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,805 perhaps not long for this world, 491 00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:09,935 as vulnerable and beautiful as any of God's creatures. 492 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:11,687 -(applause) -Hmm? 493 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,439 -MAN: Yes! Oh! -(whistling) 494 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,858 Provocative but, uh, powerful. 495 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,944 He's bad, but he'll die. 496 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,195 So I like it. 497 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,571 Hmm... 498 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,865 Marge, a word, please. 499 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:26,743 You know, I'm no art critic 500 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:31,248 but I know what I hate, and I don't hate this. 501 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:34,710 Your painting is bold but beautiful 502 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,336 and, incidentally, 503 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:40,215 thanks for not making fun of my genitalia. 504 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,883 I thought I did. 505 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:48,390 {\an8}♪♪ 506 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,118 Shh! 507 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,708 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.