1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
{\an8}<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,973
(chalk screeches)

3
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,394
(bell rings)

4
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525
(work whistle blows)

5
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905
-(sucking)
-(register beeping)

6
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,418
(jazzy solo)

7
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,464
(tires screech)

8
00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,180
(tires screeching)

9
00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893
(horn honks)

10
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,270
(tires screech)

11
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482
D'oh!

12
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734
-Aah!
-(tires screech)

13
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,875
{\an8}(dance music playing)

14
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,044
{\an8}Oh, ain't that cute?

15
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:31,382
{\an8}Hey! Where in God's name
did you learn that kind of...

16
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,134
{\an8}dancing?

17
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,430
{\an8}Whoa.

18
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,973
{\an8}Ooh.

19
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,141
{\an8}Oh, yeah.

20
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,392
{\an8}Dad, can I have
some money

21
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,936
{\an8}to buy Bart
a birthday present?

22
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,188
{\an8}Money.

23
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:47,649
{\an8}Dad, this is $110.

24
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{\an8}-Oh, sorry.
-MAN: <i>That's very righteous.</i>

25
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,820
{\an8}Funky See, Funky Do
will be back to lip sync

26
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:55,198
{\an8}another one of their
hits right after this.

27
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,992
ANNOUNCER:
<i>Hey, kids, why sit in front of the TV</i>

28
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:01,079
<i>when you can be</i>
<i>on the radio?</i>

29
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,706
<i>♪ We're gonna roll</i>
<i>this truckin' convoy ♪</i>

30
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,875
<i>♪ Across the U.S.A. ♪</i>

31
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,962
<i>♪ Convoy ♪</i>

32
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,213
That could be Bart.

33
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,257
<i>Throw away</i>
<i>your bulky transmitters</i>

34
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,424
<i>and broadcasting towers.</i>

35
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,468
<i>The Superstar</i>
<i>Celebrity Microphone</i>

36
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,887
<i>lets you hear your voice</i>
<i>through any A.M. radio.</i>

37
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,139
<i>Hey, good-looking,</i>

38
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,349
<i>we'll be back</i>
<i>to pick you up later.</i>

39
00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:23,643
Whew!
He's in for some loving.

40
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,312
<i>It's the perfect gift</i>
<i>for birthdays, graduations,</i>

41
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,439
<i>-board meetings.</i>
<i>-You're fired.</i>

42
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,108
Hmm. Bart's birthday's
coming up.

43
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,860
<i>But order now,</i>
<i>supply is limited.</i>

44
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,487
-(gasps) Limited?
-(dialing)

45
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,406
Do you have any of
those microphones left?

46
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,491
Yeah, a couple.

47
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,243
You know, Marge,

48
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,453
Bart's really going to like
my birthday present this year.

49
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,663
It won't be like
those shoe trees

50
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:45,039
I got him last year

51
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,542
or the shelf paper
I bought him for Christmas.

52
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,378
-I'll buy his love yet.
-Mmm, yeah.

53
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:54,591
(whistling "Happy Birthday")

54
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,973
<i>Okay, Sideshow Mel,</i>
<i>bring out the birthday cake.</i>

55
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,811
<i>(children laughing)</i>

56
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,899
<i>(cheering)</i>

57
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,234
<i>Hey, kids,</i>
<i>while Sideshow Mel mops up,</i>

58
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:16,946
<i>Let's see the names of our</i>
<i>Krusty birthday pals for today.</i>

59
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,823
All right,
here comes my name.

60
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,745
Wow. Best eight bucks
I ever spent.

61
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,039
Bart,
your Grampa's on the phone.

62
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,416
He wants to wish you
a happy birthday.

63
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:29,542
Isn't that nice?

64
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,169
Take a message.

65
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,213
Right now, I'm off
to hit 46 local merchants

66
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,589
for free birthday
goods and services.

67
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,843
I'm here for my free
birthday sundae.

68
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,970
Eat it and get out.

69
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:45,016
Digital audio tape,
my butt.

70
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,393
When I was a kid,
we had compact discs,

71
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,561
and I don't recall
no one complaining.

72
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,687
Damn right.

73
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,691
♪♪ (tango music playing)

74
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,947
{\an8}-(watch alarm beeping)
-Sorry, Rosarita.

75
00:03:59,030 --> 00:03:59,822
{\an8}I got to get
to my birthday party.

76
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,532
Farewell, Señor Bart.

77
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,957
Hey, good to see you.
Glad you could make it.

78
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,542
Toby, have you lost weight?

79
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:14,087
Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

80
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,296
(chuckles)

81
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:18,258
It's Wall E.!

82
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,717
(kids cheering)

83
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,886
Hey, Wall E.,
do something funny.

84
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,388
WALL E.:
Hey, later, okay?

85
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:24,973
Hey, why don't you
go bug your parents?

86
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,518
Cool, Larry the Looter.

87
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,359
(chuckles) All right,
stick it to the man.

88
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,537
(groans)

89
00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:51,249
{\an8}Hey, there.
I hear it's your birthday.

90
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,376
{\an8}-How old are you?
-Well, I'm...

91
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,754
{\an8}That's great. Would you like us
to sing you a special song?

92
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,256
{\an8}-Hell no.
-You got it.

93
00:04:58,339 --> 00:04:59,716
Ready, Señor Beaveratti?

94
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,843
I'm a-ready.

95
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,053
And a-one,
and a-two...

96
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,347
(singing off-key)
<i>♪ You're the birthday ♪</i>

97
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,308
<i>♪ You're the birthday ♪</i>

98
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:11,894
<i>♪ You're the birthday boy</i>
<i>or girl... ♪</i>

99
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,324
What the...

100
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,284
-It's a label maker.
-Mm-hmm.

101
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,910
We have one at home.

102
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,370
Before we got it,
I was always finding

103
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,205
Patty's stubble
in my leg razor.

104
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:32,457
(groans)

105
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:42,967
Bart, I'll bet you think

106
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,344
nothing's going
to top that cactus.

107
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,221
Well,
check out my present.

108
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,268
-Next.
-Bart, be polite.

109
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,812
-Next, please.
-Bart, I've noticed

110
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,274
your birthday presents
are a poor crop at best.

111
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,568
I hope this turns the tide.

112
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,864
Ooh, just gorgeous.

113
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,657
Now we can be twins.

114
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,416
(quizzical growl)

115
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,467
Aw, there's only one can of
beer left, and it's Bart's.

116
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,803
Hey, boy,
how's the microphone working?

117
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,763
Fine.

118
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:32,308
Bart! I would love
to get a present like that.

119
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,643
Here you go.
Enjoy.

120
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,061
D'oh!

121
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:38,064
Listen boy, this is
a great invention. Watch.

122
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:40,108
(off-key)
<i>♪ We got a great big convoy ♪</i>

123
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,318
<i>♪ Rocking through</i>
<i>the night ♪</i>

124
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,322
<i>♪ We got a great big convoy,</i>
<i>ain't she a beautiful sight? ♪</i>

125
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,865
<i>-♪ Convoy ♪</i>
-(dog howling)

126
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,158
Quit it, Dad!

127
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,868
<i>Hey, good-looking,</i>

128
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,829
<i>we'll be back</i>
<i>for some dinner later.</i>

129
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,247
What did you say?

130
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,290
I can't understand you
with all that distortion.

131
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,291
(groans)

132
00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,795
What a crappy birthday.

133
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,506
You know Bart, I don't think
this is such a bad present.

134
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,968
Maybe you just shouldn't
talk into it as loud as your father does.

135
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,262
Testing.

136
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,888
Testing one-two-three.

137
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,098
Oh, my.

138
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,433
Do I sound like that?

139
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,767
Hey, it does work.

140
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,353
I bet you could
have a lot of fun with this.

141
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,188
Why don't you
go show your father?

142
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,857
Hmm.

143
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,609
Mmm, chocolate.

144
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,610
D'oh!

145
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,697
Mmm, chocolate.

146
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:29,907
D'oh!

147
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,451
Marge, we need some more

148
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,953
vanilla, chocolate,
and strawberry ice cream.

149
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,539
MARGE: I'll get some
at the store tomorrow, Homer.

150
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,333
Mmm, chocolate.

151
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,752
BART: <i>People of earth,</i>
<i>this is Bartron--</i>

152
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:44,422
<i>commander of the Martian</i>
<i>invasion force.</i>

153
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,549
<i>Your planet is in our hands.</i>

154
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,260
<i>Resistance is useless.</i>

155
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,553
(screams)

156
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,388
We have captured
your president.

157
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,015
He was delicious.

158
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,059
-Why, you little...
-(gagging)

159
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,186
Wait a minute.

160
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,896
Does this mean
you like my present?

161
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,063
Uh-huh.

162
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,858
Oh... Just promise me

163
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,359
you won't play
any more practical jokes.

164
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:06,569
I promise.

165
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,614
(Bart chuckling)

166
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,496
Mama. Mama.

167
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,582
(gasps)
Maggie, you talked!

168
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,459
Can you say
"mama" again?

169
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:22,960
<i>Sorry, lady.</i>

170
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,795
<i>Show's over.</i>

171
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,172
Oh, Bart.

172
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,590
(laughing)

173
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,009
I dreamed
I was married to Corey,

174
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,677
and we lived
on a pony farm,

175
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,763
and Corey was always
walking around

176
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,139
<i>with his shirt off.</i>

177
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,767
(both laughing)

178
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:38,976
Oh, brother.

179
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,146
(fart noise)

180
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,147
(laughing)

181
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,942
Mrs. Krabapple,
that was uncalled for.

182
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,443
(grumbling)

183
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,945
Bravo!

184
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,821
Well done, old man.

185
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:52,865
Hmm.

186
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,954
<i>Rod, Todd, this is God.</i>

187
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,039
How did you get
on the radio?

188
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,874
<i>What do you mean,</i>
<i>"how did I get on the radio"?</i>

189
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,126
<i>I created the universe,</i>
<i>stupid kids.</i>

190
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,169
Forgive my brother.

191
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,629
We believe you.

192
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,713
Talk is cheap.

193
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,173
Perhaps a test
of thy faith.

194
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,175
Walk through the wall.

195
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,511
I will remove it for you...

196
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,888
<i>...later.</i>
(laughing)

197
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,473
What do you want from us?

198
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,849
<i>I got a job for thee.</i>

199
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,977
Bring forth all the
cookies from your kitchen

200
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,062
<i>and leave them</i>
<i>on the Simpsons' porch.</i>

201
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,064
But those cookies belong
to our parents.

202
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:27,900
<i>(frustrated sigh)</i>
<i>Look, do you want a happy God</i>

203
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,902
<i>-or a vengeful God?</i>
-Happy God.

204
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,612
<i>Then quit flapping your lip,</i>
<i>and make with the cookies!</i>

205
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,281
-Yes, sir.
-Yes, sir.

206
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,326
(whistling)

207
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:40,413
Whoops.

208
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:43,916
(humming)

209
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,585
BART:
<i>Help! Help!</i>

210
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:49,213
Sounds like trouble a-brewing
at the old well!

211
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,756
<i>Help me, please.</i>

212
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,174
<i>I fell down the well!</i>

213
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,884
I'll get help,
laddie.

214
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,928
A little nip of courage.

215
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,187
Out of my way!

216
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,189
Look out, you horse's arse!

217
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,441
(laughing)

218
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:09,483
Sucker.

219
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,279
Huh?
Hey, what's up?

220
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:15,698
Some poor kid
fell down a well.

221
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:16,657
Yes!

222
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,912
(high-pitched voice)
My name is Timmy O'Toole.

223
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,456
<i>I just turned ten years old.</i>

224
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,124
Timmy, where are
your parents?

225
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,793
<i>Uh... I have no family.</i>

226
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,503
<i>I tried to enroll in school,</i>

227
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,631
<i>but your Principal Skinner</i>
<i>turned me away</i>

228
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,841
<i>-because of my shabby clothes.</i>
-(crowd gasps)

229
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:34,800
He's a liar.

230
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,510
(crowd booing)

231
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:39,764
The circumference
of the well is 34 inches.

232
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,390
So, unfortunately,

233
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,808
not one member of our
city's police force

234
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,311
is slender enough
to rescue the boy.

235
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:48,648
By God, men,
you're a bunch of marshmallows.

236
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,774
Why don't
you go, Chief?

237
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:50,858
Well, I'm too f...

238
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,443
-...important.
-(scoffs)

239
00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,862
Although the well
is too dark to see the boy,

240
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:57,448
Timmy has told us his foot
is trapped under a rock.

241
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,742
Thus any attempt
to pull him up

242
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,744
{\an8}would snap him like a twig.

243
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,204
In desperation,
the city is considering

244
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,081
more unorthodox solutions.

245
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,917
Grasping the child
firmly in his talons,

246
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,336
Socrates here will
fly him to safety.

247
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,504
Just watch.

248
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:17,009
{\an8}(screeches)

249
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,220
I don't think
he's coming back.

250
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:22,473
With this hook
and this hunk of chocolate,

251
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,141
I'll land your boy,

252
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,102
and I'll clean him for free.

253
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,478
Although we can't reach
the boy,

254
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,522
we can freeze him
with liquid nitrogen

255
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:33,401
so that future generations
can rescue him.

256
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:37,655
Dear Lord, before we peel
the foil back from your bounty,

257
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:40,950
we ask you to watch over
little Timmy O'Toole

258
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,660
trapped in that well.

259
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,079
(Bart laughing loudly)

260
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,164
Bart, what's wrong with you?

261
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,958
Yeah, that Timmy
is a real hero.

262
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,501
How do you mean, Dad?

263
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:54,171
Well, he fell down a well
and can't get out.

264
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,048
How does that
make him a hero?

265
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,883
Well, it's more
than you did.

266
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,094
<i>And finally, Channel 6's own</i>
<i>Krusty the Clown</i>

267
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,762
<i>has gathered members of</i>
<i>the entertainment community,</i>

268
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,473
<i>who normally steer clear</i>
<i>of fashionable causes,</i>

269
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,559
<i>for a video called</i>

270
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,729
<i>"We're Sending Our Love</i>
<i>Down the Well."</i>

271
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,565
I wanted to do something
to help that boy.

272
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,191
so I called my
good friend Sting.

273
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,402
He said "Krusty,
when do you need me?"

274
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,112
I said, "Thursday."

275
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,905
He said,
"I'm busy Thursday."

276
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,323
I said,
"What about Friday?"

277
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,409
He said, "Friday's worse
than Thursday."

278
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,911
Then he said,
"How about Saturday?"

279
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,413
I said "Fine."

280
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,664
True story.

281
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,208
Yeah. I used to open
for Krusty in '69.

282
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,461
In fact, he fired me
as I recall.

283
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,755
(chuckles)

284
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,214
Oh, Sting.

285
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,883
But this isn't
about show business.

286
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:41,552
This is about some kid
down a hole or something.

287
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,179
and we've all got to do
what we can.

288
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,139
♪♪ (piano)

289
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:48,184
<i>♪ There's a hole in my heart</i>
<i>as deep as a well ♪</i>

290
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:51,562
<i>♪ For that poor little boy</i>
<i>who's stuck halfway to hell ♪</i>

291
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,940
<i>♪ Though we can't get him out,</i>
<i>we'll do the next best thing ♪</i>

292
00:12:55,024 --> 00:13:00,446
<i>♪ And go on TV</i>
<i>and sing, sing, sing ♪</i>

293
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:05,242
<i>♪ And we're sending our love</i>
<i>down the well ♪</i>

294
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,620
<i>♪ All the way down ♪</i>

295
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:12,082
<i>♪ We're sending our love</i>
<i>down the well ♪</i>

296
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:15,544
<i>♪ Down that well ♪</i>

297
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,631
Krusty, what are your plans
for the royalties?

298
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,883
Well, we got to pay
for promotion, shipping,

299
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,927
distribution.

300
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,387
You know, those limos out back,
they aren't free.

301
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,640
Whatever's left,
we throw down the well.

302
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:28,891
{\an8}(carnival music,
children laughing)

303
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,979
Authentic Timmy O'Toole
baby teeth.

304
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,689
$6.00 a bag.

305
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:36,899
Step to the rear.

306
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,984
Plenty of room
in the back.

307
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,403
(crowd laughing and talking)

308
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:47,952
<i>♪ The Itchy & Scratchy Show ♪</i>

309
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,207
<i>Hmm?</i>

310
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,083
<i>(yells)</i>

311
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,337
<i>(screaming)</i>

312
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,758
<i>(chomping)</i>

313
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,554
<i>♪♪</i>

314
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,432
<i>Hmm?</i>

315
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,809
<i>(screaming)</i>

316
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,561
(laughing)

317
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:16,856
-Aw.
-(dog barking)

318
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,109
Drop that
microphone.

319
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,361
Drop it, boy!

320
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,781
<i>This is a special report</i>
<i>from Channel 6 News.</i>

321
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,908
<i>Disturbing news</i>
<i>from the Old Town well</i>

322
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,618
<i>where young Timmy O'Toole</i>

323
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,996
<i>has apparently taken</i>
<i>a turn for the worse.</i>

324
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,456
{\an8}<i>(growling)</i>

325
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,084
<i>It's very simple, Kent.</i>

326
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,169
<i>The child is reverting</i>
<i>to a feral</i>

327
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,923
{\an8}<i>or wolf-like state.</i>
<i>Here's an artist's conception.</i>

328
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,634
-(growling)
-Bart.

329
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,595
(snarling)

330
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:52,099
Ahem. I was trying
to gnaw my foot off, but...

331
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,767
I couldn't get through my sock.

332
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,978
Good night, everybody.
(snoring)

333
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,229
Bart Simpson!

334
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,939
The thought of a boy
trapped in a well

335
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,692
brought out the kindness
and love of the entire community.

336
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,736
When they find out
you've been fooling them,

337
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,864
they're gonna want to cut
you up with rusty razors.

338
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,450
Oh, yeah? And how are they
gonna find out?

339
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,410
The police will catch you,
sooner or later.

340
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,787
The police. (scoffs)
They couldn't catch a cold.

341
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,081
Maybe not, but I bet
you're stupid enough

342
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:19,877
to have left a "Property of Bart Simpson"
label on that radio.

343
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:26,926
D'oh!

344
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,761
"And Cinderella had

345
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:31,805
"the most beautiful gown
at the ball

346
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,308
"with eight
satin petticoats

347
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:37,353
each more delicate
than the last."

348
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,896
I think he's asleep.

349
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,147
Want to get
a cup of coffee?

350
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,107
Okay.
Brave little guy.

351
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:47,321
(grunts)

352
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,162
(grunting)

353
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,497
(yells)

354
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,542
Hey. Almost tripped
over this thing.

355
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,544
(screaming)

356
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:08,759
Ugh!

357
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,762
(groaning)

358
00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:14,264
What did I do to deserve this?

359
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,058
Help! Help!

360
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,810
I fell down the well.

361
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,228
Tell us something
we don't know.

362
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,938
(policemen laughing)

363
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:24,108
No, my name is Bart Simpson.

364
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,193
What are you doing
down there?

365
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,445
Look, I'll level with you.

366
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,197
There is no Timmy O'Toole.

367
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:34,410
It was just a prank
I was playing on everybody.

368
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,870
Well, you sure
fooled us, kid.

369
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,455
Hey, I got an idea
for a prank.

370
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,375
Let's go home
and go to sleep.

371
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,252
(laughing)

372
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,837
Good one, Eddie.

373
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,131
Ha, ha. Great joke, guys.

374
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:50,342
(fake laughing)

375
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,137
-Guys?
-(wolf howls in distance)

376
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:56,682
So I'm afraid your son
is trapped down the well.

377
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,977
You must think we're the worst
parents in the world.

378
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,896
Yes, that's pretty much
the feeling down at the station.

379
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,694
Don't worry, son.
Just 'cause you're trapped in a hole

380
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,988
doesn't mean you can't live
a rich and full life.

381
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,407
I brought you your Krusty doll.

382
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,450
Ow!

383
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,452
Knock it off, you bald boob!

384
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,037
Hey! Don't make me
come down there!

385
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,246
Like to see you fit.

386
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,456
Why you little--

387
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,750
-Put a man on him.
-(grunting)

388
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,668
I like the other boy.

389
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,961
So polite.

390
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,214
What are you doing
to save my baby boy?

391
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,842
Well, ma'am, we've located
a piece of machinery

392
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,177
in Shreveport,
Louisiana

393
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,721
that could pop him out
lickety-split.

394
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,389
Well, why don't you get it?

395
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,475
Well, I'm afraid we've
got a budget problem, Mrs. Simpson.

396
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,894
Your boy picked a bad time
to fall down a well.

397
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,813
Had he done it at the start of
the fiscal year, no problemo.

398
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,482
You're telling me
that the city won't pay

399
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,317
to get a boy
out of a well?

400
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,070
Well they would have for Timmy.
People love that little guy.

401
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:54,990
But your son, well, he kinda
played us all for a bunch of saps.

402
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,492
Mmm...

403
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,745
So it seems we've all been
the victims of a cruel hoax

404
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,414
perpetrated by
a ten-year-old hooligan.

405
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,999
The time has come
for finger pointing,

406
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,834
and most of them
are squarely aimed

407
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,252
at the boy's parents.

408
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,462
<i>It's not our fault.</i>

409
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:09,546
<i>We didn't want the boy.</i>

410
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:10,672
<i>He was an accident.</i>

411
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:11,965
<i>Homer!</i>

412
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,051
<i>Could you edit</i>
<i>that last part out?</i>

413
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,594
Mr. Simpson, we're live,
coast to coast.

414
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,262
<i>D'oh!</i>

415
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,890
<i>♪ One plus one</i>
<i>plus three is five ♪</i>

416
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,434
<i>♪ Little Bart Simpson's</i>
<i>buried alive ♪</i>

417
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,561
<i>♪ He's so neat,</i>
<i>he's so sweet ♪</i>

418
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,939
<i>♪  Now the rats</i>
<i>have Bart to eat... ♪</i>

419
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:27,981
Hey, stop that!

420
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,566
Oh. Sorry, Lisa.

421
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,779
<i>♪ How many days</i>
<i>until Bart croaks? ♪</i>

422
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:35,823
<i>♪ One, two, three, four... ♪</i>

423
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:40,702
And our new number one hit,
"I Do Believe We're Naked"

424
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,329
by Funky See, Funky Do

425
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:44,623
replaces "We're Sending
Our Love Down the Well,"

426
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:48,252
which plunges
all the way down to number 97.

427
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,170
Ever since I called
for the rescue

428
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,756
of that Simpson lad,
I have taken a lot of heat,

429
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,800
so I am flip-flopping.

430
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,511
I say let him stay down there.

431
00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,680
(cheering)

432
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,934
(ringing)

433
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,477
Yeah, Shutton here.

434
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,437
Now that's a story.

435
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,116
Bart, honey, I made you
an extra warm sweater

436
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,952
you can wear while
you're down in the well.

437
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,745
Mom, it's too big.

438
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,455
Don't worry,
you'll grow into it.

439
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,623
Homer!

440
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:27,624
You know, I've done

441
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,251
a lot of bad stuff
through the years.

442
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,670
I guess now
I'm paying the price,

443
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,673
but there's so many things
I'll never get a chance to do.

444
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,383
Smoke a cigarette,

445
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,135
Use a fake I.D.,

446
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:41,763
Shave a swear word
in my hair...

447
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:45,142
(sniffling)

448
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:48,520
That's all I can stands.
I can't stands no more.

449
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,522
I'm going to get you
out of there myself.

450
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,859
(Homer grunting)

451
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,242
Now why didn't I think of that?

452
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,622
Agnes, we've got work to do.

453
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,213
(grunting)

454
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,676
<i>This is Kent Brockman</i>
<i>with a special bulletin.</i>

455
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,512
<i>The Lincoln squirrel</i>
<i>has been assassinated.</i>

456
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,932
<i>We'll stay with the story</i>
<i>all night, if we have to.</i>

457
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,228
What's going on?

458
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,813
It's an old-fashioned
hole digging.

459
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,233
By gar, it's been a while.

460
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,159
(grunting)

461
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:46,828
(gasping)

462
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,163
The canary.

463
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,414
Gas!

464
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,916
Out of the hole!

465
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,417
(screaming)

466
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:56,255
Gentlemen, this canary
died of natural causes.

467
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,006
Back in the hole!

468
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,258
(screaming)

469
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:02,594
(panting)

470
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:03,929
Sting, you look tired.

471
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,472
Maybe you should
take a rest.

472
00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:08,350
Not while one
of my fans needs me.

473
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,228
Actually, I don't know if I've ever heard
Bart play one of your albums.

474
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:14,523
Shh! Marge,
he's a good digger.

475
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,650
(panting)

476
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,694
Uhh!

477
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:19,903
Sting!

478
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,281
Mom! Dad!

479
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,866
Oh, Bart,
I've missed you so much.

480
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:29,246
Man, I was
so scared.

481
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:30,831
Don't worry, son.

482
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,291
They're going to make sure

483
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,043
no one ever falls down
this well again.

484
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,131
(grunting)

485
00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:40,716
That should do it.

486
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:50,225
♪♪

487
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:51,578
Shh!

488
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:58,502
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.