1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,172
{\an8}<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,848
(chalk screeches)

3
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,810
(bell rings)

4
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,358
(work whistle blows)

5
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,739
-(sucking)
-(register beeping)

6
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,460
(jazzy solo)

7
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:47,881
(tires screech)

8
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,473
(tires screeching)

9
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,851
(horn honks)

10
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:02,562
(tires screech)

11
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,647
D'oh!

12
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,776
-(screams)
-(tires screech)

13
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,585
{\an8}LISA:
Look, Dad, there's a spot.

14
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:26,920
{\an8}D'oh!

15
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,338
{\an8}Ohh, there's a spot, dear.

16
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,301
{\an8}D'oh!
Ohh, there's a good one.

17
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:36,262
{\an8}That spot says
"compact only."

18
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:39,265
{\an8}Marge, that's just
a suggested car size.

19
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,352
{\an8}(metal scraping)

20
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,979
{\an8}Easy... easy...

21
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,606
{\an8}How am I doing on the right?

22
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:49,150
{\an8}Uh, we're getting a lot
of sparks over here, Dad.

23
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,151
{\an8}Uh-huh.

24
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,319
{\an8}Easy...

25
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:52,946
{\an8}Easy...

26
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,322
{\an8}Perfect.

27
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:57,283
{\an8}All right, everybody,
out the window.

28
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,077
{\an8}HOMER:
Ooh! They all look great.

29
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,703
{\an8}MARGE:
So, what are we going to see?

30
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,247
{\an8}<i>Ernest Cuts the Cheese!</i>

31
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,040
{\an8}<i>Honey, I Hit a School Bus!</i>

32
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,458
{\an8}<i>Look Who's Oinking!</i>
<i>Look Who's Oinking!</i>

33
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,210
{\an8}Since we'll never agree.

34
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,753
{\an8}Why don't you kids
pick a movie,

35
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,171
{\an8}your dad and I
will pick a movie,

36
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,881
{\an8}then we'll all meet
in the lobby later, hmm?

37
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,883
{\an8}-KIDS: Thanks, Mom.
-(groans)

38
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,385
{\an8}Two tickets for...

39
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,803
{\an8}Let me guess.
<i>Look Who's Oinking.</i>

40
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,179
{\an8}-That's right.
-Sold out.

41
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,389
{\an8}Ohh...

42
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,390
{\an8}Maybe we could
see something

43
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,641
{\an8}a little more adult.

44
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:24,060
{\an8}Why, Marge,
you frisky little devil.

45
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,103
{\an8}(sexy growl)

46
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,397
{\an8}We'll take two tickets to

47
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,607
{\an8}<i>The Stockholm Affair.</i>

48
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,901
Ohh, the paper called it
a taut political thriller.

49
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:32,944
Political?

50
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:34,821
(groaning)

51
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:37,448
<i>Mr. President, disturbing news.</i>
<i>Serious cracks are developing</i>

52
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,367
<i>in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.</i>

53
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,494
<i>Get me Jed Colic!</i>

54
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,622
(slurping)

55
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:56,801
(gagging)

56
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,471
Oh, this movie's
too complicated.

57
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:02,640
Hey, the floor's sticky.

58
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,225
(grunting)

59
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,935
Who's that guy?

60
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,979
What did that guy say when
I said "who's that guy?"

61
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:09,105
(groaning)

62
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,859
Oh, that submarine
is so fake.

63
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,777
Look, you can see
the strings.

64
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,529
Ooh! An octopus!

65
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,281
-Shh!
-What?

66
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,577
<i>(growling)</i>

67
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,497
If you don't watch
the violence,

68
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,041
you'll never
get desensitized to it.

69
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,543
Just tell me when
the scary part's over.

70
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,669
It's over.

71
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:32,670
(squishy crunching)

72
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,796
(screaming)

73
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,381
(evil chuckling)

74
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,342
I think that guy's a spy.

75
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,760
(whispering)
Well, of course he's a spy.

76
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,721
You just saw him go
through spy school.

77
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:44,349
Oh wait,
I heard how this ends.

78
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,184
It turns out
the secret code

79
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,186
was the same nursery rhyme
he told his daughter.

80
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:49,938
(audience moaning)

81
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,273
Hey, it's pretty obvious
if you think about it.

82
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,067
Oh shut up, Homer.

83
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,526
No one wants to hear
what you think!

84
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,488
(audience cheers)

85
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:04,702
Homer, if it makes
you feel any better,

86
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,079
most of what
they threw at you

87
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:08,790
splattered on me.
Homer?

88
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:11,042
Forget it, Mom.
Dad's really mad.

89
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,169
The tendons are throbbing
at the base of his neck.

90
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,963
and stress is collecting
in the trouble spots--

91
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,757
here, here, and here--

92
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,509
making for one
unhappy pappy.

93
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:20,843
(growling)

94
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,513
Homie, aren't you
coming inside?

95
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,974
Marge, I have always
carried myself

96
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,976
with a certain
quiet dignity.

97
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,894
Tonight,
you robbed me of it.

98
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,521
I'm going now,

99
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,148
and I don't know when
you'll see me again.

100
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,775
(tires squealing)

101
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:38,820
(brakes screeching)

102
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,405
(tires squealing)

103
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,657
LISA:
I guess that executive stress ball

104
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,242
we got him for Christmas
isn't working.

105
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,206
Mmm.

106
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,712
(slurping)

107
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,342
(gasps)

108
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,014
(sniffing)

109
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,265
Eww, a skunk.

110
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:08,349
(inhales)

111
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:11,811
(straining)

112
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:12,854
(breathing in)

113
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:15,398
(straining)

114
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:27,994
Oh, no!

115
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:33,708
-(country music playing)
-HOMER: Ooh, a redneck bar.

116
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,126
(loud saloon banter)

117
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,169
(glass breaking)

118
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,670
Hey, you, let's fight.

119
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,297
Them's fightin' words.

120
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,550
Duff, please.

121
00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,260
We don't sell Duff.

122
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,845
We sell Fudd.

123
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:48,264
Okay, Fudd me.

124
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,433
MAN:
Alright, alright ladies and gentlemen

125
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,226
he's all healed up
and he's back for more.

126
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,396
Let's give a big drunken
welcome to Yodeling Zeke.

127
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,315
(audience cheering)

128
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,359
<i>♪ Yodel-lay-hee ♪</i>

129
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,610
<i>♪ Yodel-lay-hee ♪</i>

130
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:03,029
<i>♪ Odel-lay-hee... ♪</i>

131
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:06,699
(playing sweet melody)

132
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,619
(crowd cheering)

133
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,664
Our next act is our very own
singing waitress-- Lurleen.

134
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,666
(crowd cheering)

135
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,001
So I'm afraid drink service

136
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,003
will stop for
just a few moments...

137
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,631
(shouting, glass breaking)

138
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,049
They're all yours.

139
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,551
Stupid Marge--
tell me to shut up.

140
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,845
Thank you.
Tonight I'd like to try

141
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:28,846
something a little different.

142
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,473
It's a song I wrote

143
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,934
while I was mopping up
your dried blood and teeth.

144
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,062
(playing upbeat melody)

145
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,940
<i>♪ You work all day</i>
<i>for some old man ♪</i>

146
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:41,526
<i>♪ Sweat and break your back ♪</i>

147
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,194
Yeah.

148
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,363
<i>♪ Then you go home</i>
<i>to your castle ♪</i>

149
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:48,241
<i>♪ But your queen</i>
<i>won't cut you slack ♪</i>

150
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,243
That's true.

151
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,578
<i>♪ That's why you're losing</i>
<i>all your hair ♪</i>

152
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,455
<i>♪ That's why</i>
<i>you're overweight ♪</i>

153
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,290
Uh-huh.

154
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,668
<i>♪ That's why you flipped</i>
<i>your pickup truck ♪</i>

155
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,962
<i>♪ Right off the interstate ♪</i>

156
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,131
That's right...
except for the pick-up truck.

157
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:06,801
<i>♪ There's a line of bull</i>
<i>they hand you ♪</i>

158
00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:09,804
<i>♪ There's nothing you can do ♪</i>

159
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,099
<i>♪ Your wife</i>
<i>don't understand you ♪</i>

160
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,810
<i>♪ But I do ♪</i>

161
00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:19,897
<i>♪ No, your wife</i>
<i>don't understand you ♪</i>

162
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,108
<i>♪ But I do ♪</i>

163
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:25,361
<i>♪ I said,</i>
<i>no one understands you ♪</i>

164
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:30,158
<i>♪ But I do ♪</i>

165
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:35,830
(smattering of applause)

166
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,039
Hey, Lurleen?

167
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,083
I've got to say
something to you.

168
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,168
I'm listening.

169
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,919
Your song touched me

170
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,213
in a way I've
never felt before.

171
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,174
And which way to the can?

172
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,013
So what's your name, stranger?

173
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,139
Homer J. Simpson.

174
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,682
My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.

175
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,934
-That's a pretty name.
-Oh, you think so?

176
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,978
Maybe. I'm not sure.

177
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,564
I forgot it.

178
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,565
Bye, Lurleen.

179
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,442
So long, Homer J. Simpson.

180
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:08,488
(Homer humming
"The Wabash Cannonball")

181
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,574
Hello.

182
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,451
Where were you all night?

183
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,536
I was just up at this bar
in Spittle County.

184
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,705
You should have called.
I was very worried.

185
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,457
Marge, let's end this
feudin' and a-fussin'

186
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,168
-and get down to some lovin'.
-Hmm!

187
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,878
<i>♪ I work all day ♪</i>

188
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:25,755
<i>♪ For some old man ♪</i>

189
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,341
<i>♪ I sweat and break my back ♪</i>

190
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,599
Doctor, you weren't supposed
to remove his gall bladder.

191
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,226
Put it back!
Put it back!

192
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,895
<i>♪ Your wife</i>
<i>don't understand you ♪</i>

193
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:42,230
<i>♪ But I do ♪</i>

194
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:45,441
Gee, Homer's singing
to his ball again.

195
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:49,570
-Yeah, and he's bowling a 280.
-Oh, yeah?

196
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:52,573
<i>♪ There's a kind of hush ♪</i>

197
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:57,078
<i>♪ All over the world tonight ♪</i>

198
00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,746
(humming)

199
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,164
Hey, Moe,
you got any Fudd?

200
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,416
Fudd? I thought they
took that off the market

201
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,460
after all those hillbillies
went blind.

202
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,004
Oh no-- I went to this bar
the other night and...

203
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,005
W-wait a minute.

204
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,715
You went to another bar?

205
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,510
Moe, I was 100 miles
out of town.

206
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,428
Oh, Homer.

207
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:19,100
(playing banjo)

208
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:26,566
Well, if it isn't
Homer J. Simpson.

209
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,026
Lurleen, I can't get your song
out of my mind.

210
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,237
I haven't felt this way
since "Funky Town."

211
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,155
Oh, aren't you sweet.

212
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,865
Do you think I can get
a copy of it?

213
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,368
Sorry darlin'.
All my songs are up here--

214
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,787
"I'm Basting a Turkey
with My Tears,"

215
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,914
"Don't Look Up My Dress
Unless You Mean It,"

216
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,584
"I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips
and False Teeth."

217
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,586
Lurleen, we've got
to crack open your head

218
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,421
and scoop out those songs.

219
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:49,630
Ooh! I don't know.

220
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:50,840
-Come with me.
-Oh!

221
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,259
(guitar playing country music)

222
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:56,554
<i>♪ I said no one</i>
<i>understands you ♪</i>

223
00:09:56,637 --> 00:10:00,016
<i>♪ But I do ♪</i>

224
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,313
Listen, ma'am,

225
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:08,774
my brother owns a radio
station over in Weevilville

226
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,402
and with your permission,
I'd like to take your CD to him.

227
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:12,403
Homer,
it's your quarter.

228
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,363
What do you say?

229
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,826
I guess so.

230
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,787
RADIO D.J.:
<i>This is KUDD 570 AM.</i>

231
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,874
<i>Hey, don't touch that dial.</i>
<i>You've got KUDD on it.</i>

232
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,585
LURLEEN:
<i>♪ You work all day for some old man ♪</i>

233
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,004
<i>♪ Sweat and break</i>
<i>your back... ♪</i>

234
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:33,007
For the next half hour,
beer's on the house.

235
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,217
-What did you say, Moe?
-Nothing.

236
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,844
I thought I told you

237
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:38,763
to stay away
from my sister!

238
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,807
<i>♪ But your queen</i>
<i>won't cut you slack ♪</i>

239
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,809
Oh, here's 50 bucks.

240
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,686
Take her to the Copa.

241
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,898
<i>♪ Now you talk so tough</i>
<i>and act so rough... ♪</i>

242
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:52,109
It's payback time.

243
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,446
<i>♪ The heartache</i>
<i>and the sadness ♪</i>

244
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:58,115
<i>♪ That's buried</i>
<i>deep inside ♪</i>

245
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,825
Aww...

246
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:03,204
Puts this whole riot
into perspective, doesn't it?

247
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:08,709
<i>♪ No one understands you,</i>
<i>but I do ♪</i>

248
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,670
She's wonderful.

249
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,298
I could feel her sweet country soul
in every digitally encoded bit.

250
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,217
Country music sucks.

251
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,053
All it does is take precious air
space away from shock deejays

252
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,889
whose cruelty and profanity
amuse us all.

253
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,684
Shut up, boy.
Marge, what do you think?

254
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,353
Well, it's nice,
but who is this woman?

255
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,814
Well, right now she's an
out-of-work cocktail waitress,

256
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,525
but she's going to be
a country music superstar,

257
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:35,236
like, uh, that jerk
in the cowboy hat,

258
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:37,196
and that dead lady.

259
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,824
I don't like you hanging around
some cocktail waitress.

260
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,368
Marge, you make it
sound so seamy.

261
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,912
All I did was spend
the afternoon in her trailer

262
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,039
watching her try on
some outfits.

263
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,457
(growling)

264
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,458
(ringing)

265
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,793
Well, hi, Lurleen.

266
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,545
We were just talking about you.

267
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:55,673
Uh, I think I can come over.
Let me ask my wife.

268
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:58,384
(angry groaning)

269
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,927
It's a date.

270
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,724
Oh, Homer.

271
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,559
Everybody's been calling--

272
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:10,730
Mama, Daddy, the triplets,
Vonda Mae, Piney Joe...

273
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,649
and I owe it all to you.

274
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,234
Don't thank me, Lurleen.

275
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,153
You should be thanking
your brain.

276
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,821
Oh, wow, Homer.

277
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,323
No man has ever been
this nice to me without...

278
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,577
you know, wanting
something in return.

279
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,370
Well, I was going to ask
for a glass of water,

280
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,247
but now I feel kinda
guilty about it.

281
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:32,168
(chuckling)
Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.

282
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,544
Thanks.

283
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:34,545
You did say "sugar," right?

284
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:35,880
Uh-huh.

285
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:39,425
Now, Homer,
I want you to be my manager.

286
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,552
Really?
Well, I should warn you,

287
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,179
-I'm not great with figures.
-That's okay.

288
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,555
I make a lot of
stupid decisions.

289
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:45,639
Nobody's perfect.

290
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,600
-I did bad in school.
-I didn't even go.

291
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,268
My personal hygiene has
been described as--

292
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,146
Homer, Homer,
you'll be a great manager.

293
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,023
There's only
one thing you need.

294
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,234
Now, this is made from
a space-age fabric

295
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,445
developed especially
for Elvis.

296
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:02,573
Sweat actually cleans
this suit.

297
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,866
Hmm.

298
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:06,952
(growling)

299
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,746
(footsteps approaching)

300
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:09,789
(door opening)

301
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,415
Marge, look at me.

302
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,751
I don't want to--
I'm mad at you.

303
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,337
I'm sick of that waitress and
all the time you've been spending with her

304
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,172
and this whole
country music thing.

305
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,924
Then maybe you'd better
not look at me.

306
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,342
(gasps)

307
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,803
Homer, where did you
get that suit?

308
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,180
A friend bought it for me.

309
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:27,765
Was it Lurleen?

310
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,101
-No. I think it was Lenny.
-Don't lie to me.

311
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,354
-Are you having an affair with this woman?
-No!

312
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:34,772
-Have you kissed her?
-No!

313
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,398
-Has she kissed you?
-A couple of times.

314
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,442
I want you
to stop seeing her.

315
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,194
I can't-- I'm her manager.

316
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,154
Her manage--
That's ridiculous.

317
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,322
I won't allow you
to spend any more time

318
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,241
away from your family.

319
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,535
Marge, you're standing
in the way of my boyhood dream

320
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,703
of managing a beautiful
country singer!

321
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,748
Your boyhood dream was to eat
the world's biggest hoagie,

322
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,292
and you did it at the county
fair last year, remember?

323
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,461
Marge, Lurleen's gonna
be a big success,

324
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,713
and whether you like it or not,
I'm going to be there.

325
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,841
Fine. See if I care!

326
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,425
(footsteps, door slams)

327
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,345
(sniffling)

328
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,643
MAN: This studio has
a lot of history.

329
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:15,062
Buddy Holly stood on
this spot in 1958 and said,

330
00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:18,315
"There is no way in hell that
I'm gonna record in this dump."

331
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,442
I'm sure Lurleen
will love it.

332
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:23,028
(gasps) Homer, how much
did you just give that man?

333
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,489
Calm down, Marge.
It's just our life savings.

334
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,616
I'm not going to go
into hock for this.

335
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,244
Hey, Colonel Homer.

336
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:31,912
And you must be...

337
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,747
Mrs. Homer Simpson.

338
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:34,748
Charmed.

339
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,250
Hmm.

340
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,751
I thought you said
she was overweight.

341
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,169
Marge, it takes
two to lie:

342
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,838
one to lie
and one to listen.

343
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,381
What does that mean?

344
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,883
I don't have time to answer
all these questions.

345
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,175
Time is money.

346
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,052
Come on, people.

347
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,637
Well, come on, boys.

348
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,222
Let's break some hearts.

349
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,934
(fast country music)

350
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,229
<i>♪ Oh, the bases were empty</i>
<i>on the diamond of my heart ♪</i>

351
00:14:57,313 --> 00:15:00,232
<i>♪ When the coach called me up</i>
<i>to the plate ♪</i>

352
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,942
<i>♪ I'd been swingin'</i>
<i>and missin' ♪</i>

353
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,819
<i>♪ At lovin' and kissin' ♪</i>

354
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,947
<i>♪ My average was</i>
<i>point double ought eight ♪</i>

355
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,866
<i>♪ So I spit on my hands ♪</i>

356
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:10,618
<i>♪ Knockin' dirt</i>
<i>from my spikes ♪</i>

357
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:13,746
<i>♪ And pointed</i>
<i>right towards center field ♪</i>

358
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:16,874
<i>♪ This time</i>
<i>I'm hittin' a home run ♪</i>

359
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:20,085
<i>♪ This time love is for real ♪</i>

360
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,004
Hey, Dad, can I do
a hambone solo?

361
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,007
Stop it.

362
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,634
<i>♪ ...for you ♪</i>

363
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,093
<i>♪ I been slumpin' all season ♪</i>

364
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,762
<i>♪ But now I found a reason ♪</i>

365
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:33,098
<i>♪ I struck on a love</i>
<i>that is true ♪</i>

366
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,809
<i>♪ I used to play the field ♪</i>

367
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:39,772
<i>♪ I used to be a roamer ♪</i>

368
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,399
<i>♪ But season's</i>
<i>turnin' around for me now ♪</i>

369
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,527
<i>♪ I finally bagged me</i>
<i>a Homer... ♪</i>

370
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,904
That's right.

371
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,823
<i>♪ I finally bagged me a Homer ♪</i>

372
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,575
Lurleen, we're gonna have
to cut you off.

373
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,911
We're getting some kind of
grinding noise on the track.

374
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:58,457
(grinding)

375
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,835
♪♪

376
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:08,467
You, off the bench.

377
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,853
HOMER:
Guess what, Lurleen.

378
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,814
I got you a gig on TV.

379
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,441
Oh, Homer, you're as smart
as you are handsome.

380
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,944
Hey! Oh, you meant that
as a compliment.

381
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,947
Now, on this show they want you
to sing two songs.

382
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:32,700
Maybe we should give them
something new.

383
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,077
Well, I have been working
on something

384
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,912
that could really
heat things up.

385
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,330
Let's hear it.

386
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,541
(playing slow ballad)

387
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,793
<i>♪ In this trailer ♪</i>

388
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:48,132
<i>♪ I get so cold</i>
<i>and lonely ♪</i>

389
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:51,677
<i>♪ Lyin' there</i>
<i>awake at night ♪</i>

390
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:55,806
<i>♪ Muttering, "If only</i>
<i>you weren't married" ♪</i>

391
00:16:55,889 --> 00:17:02,312
<i>♪ So I might ask you</i>
<i>to bunk with me tonight ♪</i>

392
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:08,152
<i>♪ Bunk with me tonight,</i>
<i>oh, bunk with me tonight ♪</i>

393
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:15,117
<i>♪ I'm asking will you bunk</i>
<i>with me tonight ♪</i>

394
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,746
Oh, that's hot.

395
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,456
There isn't a man alive

396
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,041
who wouldn't get turned on
by that.

397
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,834
Well, good-bye.

398
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:27,588
Uh, Homer, there's a hidden
message to this song

399
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,673
that you
may have missed.

400
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,091
Really listen.

401
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:35,554
<i>♪ Bunk with me tonight ♪</i>

402
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:40,768
-Uh-huh.
<i>-♪ Bunk with me tonight ♪</i>

403
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,437
-Right.
<i>-♪ I'm asking ♪</i>

404
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,147
<i>♪ Will you bunk ♪</i>

405
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:48,150
<i>♪ With me ♪</i>

406
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,778
<i>♪ Tonight? ♪</i>

407
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,029
(gasps)
Lurleen!

408
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:55,407
That's right, Homer J.

409
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,159
I got to think about this.

410
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,706
MARGE: All our money's
tied up in this woman.

411
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,541
If she fails, we're broke.

412
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,668
If she succeeds,
I have no husband.

413
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,796
I don't know what to root for.

414
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:09,797
You don't?

415
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,423
I got to go.

416
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:12,716
Homer?

417
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,009
Later, Marge.
Lurleen's on TV tonight.

418
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,053
I got to get ready.

419
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:20,099
(grunting)

420
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,809
Just so you know--

421
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,769
while you and Lurleen
were out judging

422
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:24,812
that greased pig contest,

423
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,396
Maggie cut her first tooth.

424
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,856
That's great, honey.

425
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,359
Say, have you seen
my rattlesnake hatband?

426
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,777
You're not even
listening to me.

427
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,153
Sure they will.

428
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:36,365
Kids, will you come in here?

429
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:40,452
You've got
a wonderful family, Homer.

430
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:44,206
Please don't forget it when
you walk out that door tonight.

431
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,874
Uh, I got to go.

432
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,585
As much as I hate
that man right now,

433
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,295
you got to love that suit.

434
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,923
ANNOUNCER:
<i>Hold on to your pitchforks, everybody.</i>

435
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:57,052
<i>It's time again for Ya Hoo!</i>

436
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,637
<i>Starring,</i>
<i>in alphabetical order...</i>

437
00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,680
<i>Yodeling Zeke,</i>

438
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,306
<i>Butterball Jackson,</i>

439
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,850
<i>Freddie Boy and Yuma,</i>

440
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,059
<i>Cloris Moselle,</i>

441
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,936
<i>Big Shirtless Ron,</i>

442
00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:07,271
<i>Orville and Hurley,</i>

443
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:08,689
<i>Gappy Mae,</i>

444
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:09,690
<i>Hip Diddler,</i>

445
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:11,650
<i>Rudy,</i>

446
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,569
<i>the Ya Hoo Recovering</i>
<i>Alcoholic Jug Band,</i>

447
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:17,739
<i>and tonight, in her syndicated</i>
<i>TV debut-- Lurleen!</i>

448
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:21,702
(fast country music)

449
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,704
<i>♪ Oh, the bases</i>
<i>were empty... ♪</i>

450
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,455
Excuse me, are you
Colonel Homer Simpson?

451
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,332
Yes, I am.

452
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,877
I'm from Rebel Yell Records,
a division of Togasake Corporation.

453
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,336
I'm interested in buying
Lurleen's contract.

454
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,713
Forget it, pal.

455
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:34,089
They don't call me
Colonel Homer

456
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,717
because I'm some
dumb-ass Army guy.

457
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,970
Lurleen, they loved you.

458
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:43,515
Well thank you. I'm still a little itchy
from that fiberglass hay.

459
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,434
Is there anything you need?

460
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,186
(slams and locks door)

461
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:51,857
Well, you could make
my evening complete.

462
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,444
What's wrong?

463
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,488
My whole romantic life
is flashing before my eyes.

464
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:00,866
(making kissing noises)

465
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,117
Gross!

466
00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,329
Thanks for dinner.

467
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:06,496
Ow!

468
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,958
No!

469
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,710
At least, could I
have my dollar--

470
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:15,130
I'll love you
for the rest of my life.

471
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,886
I'm sorry, Lurleen.

472
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,263
All I wanted to do was
share your beautiful voice

473
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,600
with other people,
and I've done that.

474
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,227
Now, I'd better
get out of here

475
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,853
before I lose my family.

476
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,316
Just so I don't wonder--

477
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,943
you would have gone all the way
with me, wouldn't ya?

478
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:36,944
Uh-huh.

479
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,404
Ooh... okay.

480
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:42,032
Now before we negotiate,
I have to tell you

481
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,784
I'm desperate
to unload Lurleen

482
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,285
and I'll take any offer.

483
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:46,286
I'll give ya 50 bucks.

484
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,330
You son of a--
Sold.

485
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:53,335
<i>I caught my wife in bed</i>

486
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,337
<i>with my best friend.</i>

487
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,421
<i>You bitter?</i>

488
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,132
<i>Yep. Bit him too.</i>

489
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,176
<i>(laughing)</i>
<i>Ow!</i>

490
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,303
<i>(laughing)</i>

491
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:05,305
<i>And now, once again-- Lurleen.</i>

492
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,224
-(door opens)
-Homer?

493
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:10,269
Is there any room in that bed
for a dad-burned fool?

494
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,854
Always has been.

495
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:16,233
<i>Now I'd like to play a song</i>
<i>I wrote just this minute.</i>

496
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:19,653
<i>It's called</i>
<i>"Stand By Your Manager."</i>

497
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,405
<i>♪ His name is Homer ♪</i>

498
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:27,035
<i>♪ He's quite a man ♪</i>

499
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,456
<i>♪ I tried to kiss him ♪</i>

500
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:35,752
<i>♪ But Homer ran ♪</i>

501
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:39,881
<i>♪ Sure wish I could say ♪</i>

502
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:44,845
<i>♪ That I was his ♪</i>

503
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:48,640
<i>♪ I hope that Marge knows ♪</i>

504
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:51,643
<i>♪ Just how lucky she is ♪</i>

505
00:21:55,188 --> 00:21:56,523
I do.

506
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,907
{\an8}♪♪

507
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:49,993
Shh!

508
00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:56,541
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.