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00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(chalk screeches)
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(bell rings)
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(work whistle blows)
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-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
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(jazzy solo)
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(tires screech)
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(tires screeching)
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(horn honks)
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(tires screech)
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D'oh!
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-Aah!
-(tires screech)
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{\an8}(alarm ringing)
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{\an8}Oh, no. I can't see.
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{\an8}I'm blind. Blind!
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{\an8}Ha ha!
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{\an8}April fool's.
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{\an8}Hee... hee...
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{\an8}Aah!
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{\an8}Ha ha! April fool's.
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{\an8}I been keeping
that carton of milk
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{\an8}next to the furnace
for six weeks. Sucker!
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{\an8}You're going down, Homer.
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{\an8}I'm gonna fool you.
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{\an8}You talk better than you fool.
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{\an8}I'll fool you up real nice.
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{\an8}You couldn't fool your mother
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{\an8}on the foolingest day
of your life
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{\an8}if you had an electrified
fooling machine.
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{\an8}Pee-yew.
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}Ah, what noble visionary
thought up April Fool's day?
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{\an8}Like Halloween and Christmas,
April Fool's day
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{\an8}traces its origins
to pagan ritual.
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{\an8}God bless those pagans.
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{\an8}April first used to be
the pagan new year.
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{\an8}ALL (chanting):
Blood for Baal! Blood for Baal!
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Blood for Baal!
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LISA: The Christians
changed their calendar
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and ridiculed those who didn't.
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Happy New Year!
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Heigh-ho, pagans.
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New year's was three months ago,
but here's a present any-who.
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It's ram's blood
for your godless ceremony.
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(laughing)
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April Fool's.
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(snickering)
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(growls)
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ALL (chanting):
Now who's laughing?!
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Now who's laughing?!
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00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,130
And that's the story
of April Fool's day.
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Dad, I was
telling the story.
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Oh, right.
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Thar she blows.
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The catch of the day.
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-Arr.
-Arrgh. Arr.
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Arrgh.
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Arr.
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Why, ye mutinous dogs.
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From this day,
I be requiring hairnets.
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Arr... argh... arr...
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I've got to fool him
before the day is out.
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But how?
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He must have a weakness.
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Ah, beer.
My one weakness.
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My Achilles heel,
if you will.
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Beer!
Beer is the cheese.
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But how to use it...
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Whoo! It's a good thing
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that beer wasn't
shaken up any more
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or I'd have looked
quite the fool--
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An April fool, as it were.
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(chuckles)
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(evil laugh)
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Hey, kid, that's for
customers only.
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Did you know
there's a guy outside
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handing out
free Stridex pads?
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Wow! I'm in
pizza-face paradise.
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Moron.
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Ay! No es bueno!
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So thirsty.
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Eh! What are you
going to do?
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ANNOUNCER:
The following
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{\an8}is a public service
announcement.
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{\an8}Excessive alcohol consumption
can cause liver damage
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and cancer of the rectum.
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Mmm... beer...
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April f--
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00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,844
That sounded
like an explosion
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at the old Simpson place.
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00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,222
Forget it--
That's two blocks away.
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00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,975
Looks like there's beer
coming out of the chimney.
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I am proceeding on foot.
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Call in a code eight.
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We need pretzels.
Repeat, pretzels.
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(panting)
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Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid
your husband is dead.
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(gasps)
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(chuckling)
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April fool's.
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He's very much alive.
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Although I'm afraid
he may never walk again.
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(all gasping)
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♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
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♪ Gently down the stream... ♪
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-Homie!
-Marge!
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Homer has many,
many horrible problems.
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These shadows are brain lesions
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resulting from
numerous blows to the head.
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(grunts)
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(snoring)
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Ah...
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♪♪ ("Psycho" theme)
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Ah!
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{\an8}And his brain waves are
disturbingly erratic.
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You are wired into
the rest of your family.
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You have the ability
to shock them
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and they have
the ability to shock--
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Just testing.
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Whoa!
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Ah!
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Bart, how could you
shock your little sister?
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My finger slipped.
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Ah!
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So did mine.
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-Ay!
-Ah!
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Bart, Lisa, stop that.
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BOTH: Ah!
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-Bart!
-Whoa!
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DR. MONROE:
No, no, no.
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No, wait a minute.
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Wait, wait.
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Folks, folks,
if I could--
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This is not the way
to get healthy!
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(Simpsons clamoring)
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Mrs. Simpson,
can you think of anything
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to account for all this?
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I have no idea.
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Unless it was that time
he kept falling down the cliff.
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I won't jump anymore.
I promise.
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Oh, thank God,
thank God, thank God.
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-I love you, Dad.
-I love you, too, son.
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You know, boy,
I don't think
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I've ever felt this close
to you as I do right-- Huh?
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Huh? What? Huh?
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Ah!
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D-ah!
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CROWD: Ooh!
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I'm gonna make it.
I'm gonna make it!
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This is the greatest thrill
of my life.
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I'm king of the world!
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Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!
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I--
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(screaming)
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Ooh! Ow! Ow!
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Oh! Yee! Yow! Oh!
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Oh! D'oh! Ooh!
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Oh! Oh!
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(panting)
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Yow!
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Ow! Ow!
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Ow!
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(siren wailing)
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Ah!
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Ooh! Ow! Ow!
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(grunting)
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D'oh! D'oh! Ooh!
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(grunting)
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(panting)
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Ow!
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Hmm...
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that still wouldn't explain
what I'm seeing here.
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You look familiar.
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-Have we met before?
-DOCTOR: Uh...
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Clear.
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Clear.
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Doctor, he's gone.
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This is the part
of the job I hate.
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(gasps)
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You're a veterinarian?
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That's right.
And for an extra $20,
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00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,419
I'll give Homer a tick bath
and then spay him.
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00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,421
-Here you go, Doc.
-Bart!
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00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,799
Shop around.
You can't beat that price.
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00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,510
You guys must have been
pretty worried about me.
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00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,096
Hey, we know
you're tough, Dad.
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Remember that time
you got lost in the forest?
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This is a trap.
189
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It's gonna catch us
our dinner. C'mon, boy.
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Shh! Just watch.
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Ooh...
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A-ha! Got him.
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(distant thud)
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Okay, okay,
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this time, I'll just go
into the bushes over there
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make a lot of noise,
and flush out a rabbit.
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When he comes out,
you step on him.
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Right, Dad.
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00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,634
(animals chittering)
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00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:54,802
Ah! Get them off me!
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00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,053
Get them off me!
Get them off me!
202
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,472
(grunting)
203
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,106
It's true-- You have
good coping skills.
204
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,286
Your burgers are
getting cold, guys--
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00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,871
Holy moley.
206
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,753
Ah!
207
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,296
Ah!
208
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:31,922
Oh!
209
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,132
Huh?
210
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,690
And there's one
Itchy and Scratchy cartoon
211
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I don't think
we'll ever forget.
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00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,779
Ah!
213
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,329
Ah!
214
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,040
Why did you
bring that up?
215
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,209
It was an amusing episode...
216
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,919
of our lives.
217
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,630
Thanks for coming
to visit me, Moe.
218
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,006
I brought you
a little present.
219
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,967
No... no...
beer bring pain.
220
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,720
I can't stand
to see him like this.
221
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,971
Ah... ah...
222
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,015
(muffled groaning)
223
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,517
(loud yell)
224
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,534
He really needs a girlfriend.
225
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:45,413
Oh, Marge, what if I wind up
as some vegetable
226
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,415
watching TV on the couch?
227
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,668
My important work
will never be completed.
228
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,087
Society's loss, I suppose,
229
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,631
but our marriage has been
through hard times
230
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,842
and we always pull through.
231
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:16,652
♪♪ ("Love Lifts Us Up
Where We Belong")
232
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,659
Huh? Huh? Huh?
233
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,702
Marge!
234
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,579
What a lovely surprise.
235
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,997
You're here to see
me, right?
236
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,790
Of course.
237
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,500
(cheering, applause)
238
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,592
Hey!
239
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:42,928
Way to go, Homer.
Way to go!
240
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,764
Hey, what'll
I tell the boss?
241
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,808
Tell him I'm going
to the backseat of my car
242
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,894
with the woman I love,
243
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,980
and I won't be back
for ten minutes.
244
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,858
(cheering, applause)
245
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,532
You can do it, Homer.
Stand up.
246
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,575
I can't.
247
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,368
He just won't budge.
248
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,661
I've tried everything.
249
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,371
Nothing can reach him.
250
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,878
Mmm...
251
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:19,215
(echoing)
chocolate.
252
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,453
(barking)
253
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:50,788
(yapping)
254
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:59,755
Wow, chocolate, half price.
255
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,264
Chocolate...
256
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,065
Bah! Bah!
257
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,942
Bah!
258
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,237
Can't breathe...
259
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,572
sweet chocolate...
260
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,074
cutting off air...
261
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,034
(gagging)
262
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:32,079
Mmm...
263
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,039
nuts.
264
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,583
(Homer gagging)
265
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,085
(swallowing)
266
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,128
Oh, yeah.
267
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,466
Poor Homer.
268
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:48,470
This world was never meant
for one as beautiful as you.
269
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,639
(gagging)
270
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,849
Ah! Kill it!
271
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,017
Kill it!
272
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,477
Grandpa, please,
he's in a coma.
273
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,146
Coma?
274
00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,441
Why, I go in and out
of comas all the--
275
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,069
French toast, please.
276
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,237
Is a coma painful?
277
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,989
Oh, heck no.
278
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:11,076
You relive long-lost summers,
kiss girls from high school.
279
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,037
It's like one of those TV shows
280
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,456
where they show a bunch of clips
from old episodes.
281
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,124
Yeah, well, anyway,
282
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,168
I wonder
what he's thinking now.
283
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,973
(relaxing music plays)
284
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:07,132
This man is costing
my health plan $5,000 a day.
285
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,302
I demand that he die
with dignity.
286
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,138
Now, look,
I'm the doctor here.
287
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:15,307
Well, I demand
a second opinion.
288
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,934
Hi, everybody!
289
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,311
ALL: Hi, Dr. Nick!
290
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,521
(yelps)
291
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:21,563
Oh, dear.
292
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,524
I see no signs of life.
293
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,485
Just to be safe,
we'd better pull the plug.
294
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:27,945
Yoink.
295
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:31,115
Mr. Burns, how can you be
so coldhearted?
296
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:35,160
You have no idea, woman, what
that man's put me through.
297
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,663
HOMER: Uh, Mr. Burns,
298
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,206
I need to borrow
some money.
299
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,208
Please, do go on.
300
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,335
HOMER: I know
you're a good man
301
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,714
and I have a dog
that's very sick.
302
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,799
Oh, please, continue.
303
00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:50,884
I thought maybe you--
304
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,302
Oh.
305
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,680
Well, thanks for your time.
306
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,517
I have an unorthodox solution--
307
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,438
A fantastic voyage,
if you will.
308
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,357
Three scientists,
one a beautiful woman,
309
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,943
will be shrunk
to microscopic size.
310
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,280
They will then rendezvous
in Mr. Simpson's lower colon.
311
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:12,990
ALL: Ew!
312
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:17,327
Well, we have had a little
trouble finding volunteers.
313
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:21,290
I wish I'd gotten to know
you better, Dad,
314
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,084
but there were times
when we really connected.
315
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,421
Hi, Dad.
316
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:28,881
Want me to cut out
this infernal racket?
317
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,257
Oh, let me
hear you play.
318
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,300
Why?
319
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,135
Does a father have to explain?
320
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,554
Let's just share
your gift, okay?
321
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,390
♪♪ (blues)
322
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:41,518
Oh...
323
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,103
(sobbing)
324
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,731
(wailing)
325
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:47,733
♪♪ ("When the Saints
Go Marching In")
326
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,817
Huh?
327
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,695
Yeah, that's more like it.
328
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,656
Oh-ho! Woo!
329
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:58,869
♪ Oh, I want to be
in that rumba ♪
330
00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:02,706
♪ When the saints go
over there ♪
331
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:05,209
♪ Oh, over there ♪
332
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,753
♪ Oh, over there... ♪
333
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,880
I wrote this for you, Dad.
334
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:13,258
♪♪ (blues)
335
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,108
Dad, I'm so sorry.
336
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,902
I know I haven't been
a perfect kid.
337
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,089
-(rumbling)
-(gasps)
338
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,174
Why, you little--
339
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,136
♪♪ ("Raiders of
the Lost Ark" theme)
340
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,396
What the-- D'oh!
341
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,243
(horn honks)
342
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,203
(Bart snickering)
343
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,001
(primitive jabbering)
344
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,922
I know that I got you mad
once in a while.
345
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,467
(repeatedly yelling "D'oh!")
346
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,732
And sometimes,
I got into trouble.
347
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,736
(rattling)
348
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,282
Bart, you can't go
on like this.
349
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,325
I know.
350
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:02,784
(coughs)
351
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,121
But you always
looked out for me.
352
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,790
MARGE: Homer,
it's really coming down.
353
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,959
Could you check on the boys?
354
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,754
(thunderclap)
355
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:15,088
They're fine.
356
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,341
And no matter
what happens
357
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:20,385
I'll never forget
the advice you gave me.
358
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,346
Now come on, you're gonna
learn how to shave.
359
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:27,768
And finally, the little spot
under your nose.
360
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,520
Next, we take some
toilet paper
361
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:33,523
tear off some teensy
little squares
362
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,943
and stick one there,
363
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,402
and there,
364
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:38,737
and any place
you're bleeding.
365
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,614
There, and there.
Don't worry.
366
00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:42,824
The blood will hold it
right on your face.
367
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,576
Now some after shave.
368
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,411
Ooh! Ah! Eeh!
369
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,163
(screams)
370
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,957
(groans)
371
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,209
Ah! You son of a--!
372
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,544
And that's how we shave.
373
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,880
Dad, it's all my fault.
374
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,675
I shook up that can of beer.
375
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,468
It was just
an April fool's joke.
376
00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:04,513
(beeping)
377
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,434
(growling)
378
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:13,188
(beeping)
379
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,526
Why, you little--!
380
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:19,194
Homie, you're all right!
381
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,196
We're a family again!
382
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,949
(Homer growling,
Bart gagging)
383
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:30,414
This calls
for a celebration.
384
00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:31,623
We're all going
to Hawaii.
385
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,709
(all gasping)
386
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,335
Gotcha!
387
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,462
It's April fool's
for two more minutes.
388
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:39,464
Dad, it's May 16th.
389
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,550
You were in that coma
for seven weeks.
390
00:21:43,343 --> 00:21:44,261
Uh-huh.
391
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,221
(laughing)
392
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:54,771
You lost five percent
of your brain.
393
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:57,065
Me lose brain? Uh-oh.
394
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,026
(laughing)
395
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:05,615
Why I laugh?
396
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:12,039
♪♪
397
00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:56,041
Shh!
398
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,838
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
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