1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,423 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:08,466 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,635 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,637 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,323 {\an8}(snoring) 6 00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,455 {\an8}(snoring) 7 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,168 {\an8}(alarms blaring) 8 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,879 {\an8}WOMAN'S VOICE: Core meltdown in 10 seconds. 9 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,381 {\an8}Nine, eight-- 10 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,383 {\an8}-(alarms stop) -Meltdown averted. Good boy! 11 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,427 {\an8}(moaning, yawning) 12 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:58,141 (snoring, purring) 13 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,185 (whimpering) 14 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,981 {\an8}(buzzes) 15 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,441 {\an8}MR. BURNS: (groaning) What? 16 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,194 {\an8}How dare you disturb me during nap time? 17 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:12,113 {\an8}We're from the nuclear regulatory commission. 18 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,240 {\an8}This is a surprise test of worker competence. 19 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,575 {\an8}There must be some mistake. 20 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,078 {\an8}We, uh-- We make cookies here. 21 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,539 {\an8}Mr. Burns's old-fashioned good-time extra-chewy-- 22 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,374 {\an8}Get the ax. 23 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:30,006 The watchdog of public safety. Is there any lower form of life? 24 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,509 Don't worry, sir, I rounded up our less-gifted employees 25 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,594 and led them into the basement. 26 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,596 -(dripping) -(mouse squeaking) 27 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,307 Duh, Homer, why are we down here? 28 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,351 Oh, geez! I told ya, Bernie-- 29 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,436 to guard the bee! 30 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,523 -But why? -Oh, you guys are pathetic. 31 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,901 No wonder Smithers made me head bee guy. 32 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:55,115 -Uh, it's gettin' away. -Oh, we did bad! 33 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,449 -(buzzing) -Hey! Uhh! Oh! 34 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,992 Hey! Come back! 35 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,578 Is there a Homer Simpson present? 36 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,622 Oh, I'm afraid he couldn't "bee" here. 37 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,707 (both chuckling) 38 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,709 Oh, yes, he's in Geneva, 39 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,711 chairing a conference on nuclear fission. 40 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,338 (mutters) Yes, that should stick. 41 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:14,050 D'oh! The bee bit my bottom! 42 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,802 Now my bottom's big! 43 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,345 -(sighs) -Homer, this is 44 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,305 an exact replica of your workstation. 45 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,057 Hmm? 46 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,394 Now we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector 8. 47 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,187 What the hell are you talking about? 48 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,149 What do I do? 49 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,109 What do I do? (sobbing) 50 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,903 In the name of God, you've gotta tell me! 51 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,280 MAN: Relax. It's just a simulator. 52 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,573 Nothing can go wrong. 53 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,074 Just poke blindly at the controls 54 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,075 until they let you go. 55 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,539 -(rumbling) -(both exclaiming) 56 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:47,125 Oh, no. No! This can't be happening! 57 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,669 (screaming) 58 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,088 (gasps) 59 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,552 For the love of God, sir! There are two seats! 60 00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,262 I like to put my feet up. 61 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:02,932 (engine sputtering) 62 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,561 (Mr. Burns groaning) 63 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:14,319 (roaring) 64 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:17,030 Must destroy mankind. 65 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,072 (beeping) 66 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,366 Ooh! Lunchtime. (blubbering) 67 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:25,038 We're still not sure how he caused the meltdown. 68 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,123 There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck! 69 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,000 Very well. It's time for your bribe. 70 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,419 Now, you can either have the washer and dryer 71 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:32,962 where the lovely Smithers is standing, 72 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,674 or you can trade it all in for what's in this box. 73 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,218 The box. The box! 74 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,178 Look, Burns, this is a big problem. 75 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,138 You just can't throw money at it and make it go away. 76 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,973 Gentlemen, I've decided 77 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,558 there will be no investigation. 78 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,185 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. 79 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,687 You're in big trouble, Burns. Homer Simpson's job 80 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,148 requires college training in nuclear physics. 81 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,859 Now, you get your man up to speed, 82 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:55,944 or we'll be forced to take legal action. 83 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,862 Is that so? 84 00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,490 Well, I have the feeling you'll be... 85 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,033 dropping the charges. 86 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,370 -Oh. -The painters moved your desk, sir. 87 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,913 Oh, yes. 88 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,873 (doorbell rings) 89 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,168 -(screams) -Hello, Simpson. 90 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,378 My lawyers and I were in the neighborhood 91 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,171 and thought we'd stop by. 92 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,508 Would you like to come in for tea and marshmallow squares? 93 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,718 (murmuring) 94 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,220 Yes, he would. 95 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,222 So you want me to go to college? 96 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:25,390 College? 97 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,684 -Ha! Barber or clown? -Bart! 98 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,687 Remember, your job and the future of your family 99 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,188 hinges on your successful completion 100 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,231 of Nuclear Physics 101. 101 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,900 Oh, and one more thing. 102 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,236 You must find the jade monkey 103 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,863 before the next full moon. 104 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,865 Actually, sir, we found the jade monkey. 105 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,742 It was in your glove compartment. 106 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,827 And the road maps and ice scraper? 107 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,078 They were in there too, sir. 108 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,205 Excellent! 109 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,249 It's all falling into place. 110 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,626 I think this is a great opportunity. 111 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,961 You could learn so much. 112 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,129 Maybe you're right. 113 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,131 I did always want to go to college. 114 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,967 But fate stood in the way. 115 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,972 Homer, sign this application and you're a shoo-in. 116 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,099 -(panting) -(laughing) 117 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,809 That dog has somebody's ham! 118 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:10,977 This I gotta see! 119 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,562 (door opens) 120 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,855 (growling) 121 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,107 Give me that ham, you stupid dog! 122 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,526 -(grunting, yelling) -(sighs) 123 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:24,866 (groans) 124 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,327 {\an8}Dad, don't let these application essays throw you. 125 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,704 {\an8}Let's see: "List your three favorite books 126 00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,497 {\an8}and how they've influenced your life." 127 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:32,749 -Is TV Guide a book? -No. 128 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,083 -Son of Sniglet? -No. 129 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,918 -Katherine Hepburn's "Me"? -No! 130 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,670 Ohh! I suck! 131 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,757 It was the most I ever threw up, 132 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,800 and it changed my life forever. 133 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,719 You the man, Homer! 134 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:47,555 Thanks, boy. Now for the crowning touch. 135 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:51,684 I don't know, Dad. 136 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,019 Don't you have a better picture? 137 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,729 Relax. A photo can't make any difference. 138 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,067 -He looks crazy. -Agreed. 139 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,486 Reading his essay would only waste valuable seconds. 140 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,946 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Finally, the great taste of Worcestershire sauce 141 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,948 in a soft drink! 142 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,076 MAN: Ahh! Steaky! 143 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,494 Sorry, son, but there's a program about campus life 144 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,329 that I really should watch. 145 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:14,165 ANNOUNCER: We now return to "School of Hard Knockers," 146 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,792 starring Corey Masterson. 147 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,794 Dean Bitterman, 148 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,671 I hope nothing unsavory happens during my visit. 149 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:23,091 As you know, I am the president of the United States. 150 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,634 Oh, don't worry. 151 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,302 I've expelled those rowdy members 152 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,346 of Chug-a-Lug House. 153 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:31,307 Oh, I hate that lousy dean. 154 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,853 Your bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger. 155 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,772 -Mm-kay! -(explosion) 156 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,109 (gasps) 157 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,111 Cory! 158 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,238 (chuckles) Don't worry, Mr. President. 159 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,116 I-- Mr. President! 160 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,826 Lighten up, Bitterman! 161 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,244 That youngster will make 162 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,121 a perfect addition to my cabinet. 163 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,124 Secretary of partying down! 164 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,544 (angry growling) 165 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,921 Yes! Take that, Bitterman! 166 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,423 Homie, here are the responses 167 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,091 from the colleges you applied to. 168 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,010 D'oh! 169 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,012 D'oh! D'oh! 170 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,099 Whoo-hoo! A flyer for a hardware store! 171 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,768 -D'oh! -Well, Pop, what are you gonna do? 172 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,939 Something I should have done a long time ago. 173 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,777 -You don't know, do you? -No, ma'am. 174 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,737 Don't worry, Simpson. 175 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,657 It just so happens I have a chair 176 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:30,658 at Springfield University. 177 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,495 (growling) 178 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,373 I'm sorry, Mr. Burns, but I must object. 179 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,624 This Simpson is not qualified. 180 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:39,667 (all murmuring agreement) 181 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,252 -(growling) -I see. 182 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,045 Well, you know, fellas, 183 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,755 I look at the admissions board a lot like a baseball team. 184 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,674 You all like baseball, don't you? 185 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,926 (all murmuring agreement) 186 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,095 Yes, well, to have a successful baseball club 187 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,930 you need teamwork. 188 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,849 Not some hot-dog admissions officer 189 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:56,350 playing by his own rules! 190 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,936 (grunting) 191 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,148 Excuse me. What are you doing? 192 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,275 (grunting) 193 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,694 I'm giving you the beating of your life! 194 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,779 Look, if-- Stop that. 195 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,823 If you wanted him that badly, why didn't you just say so? 196 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,658 (yells) 197 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,329 Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage. 198 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,956 Whoo-hoo! I'm a college man! 199 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,293 I won't need my high school diploma anymore! 200 00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,505 ♪ I am so smart, I am so smart ♪ 201 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,883 ♪ I am so smart, I am so smart ♪ 202 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:31,928 ♪ S-m-r-t I mean, s-m-a-r-r-t ♪♪ 203 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,230 My first day of college. 204 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,357 I wish my father was alive to see this. 205 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,692 -Hey! -How long have you been back there? 206 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,860 Three days. 207 00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:53,491 Nerd! 208 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,493 Homer, that isn't very nice. 209 00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,495 Marge, try to understand. 210 00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,830 There are two kinds of college students: 211 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,499 jocks and nerds. 212 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:05,127 As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time. 213 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,337 Hey, pal! 214 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,005 Did you get a load of the nerd? 215 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,340 Pardon me? 216 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:12,218 ♪♪ (rock) 217 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,269 (chuckling) 218 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,813 I'll be a campus hero. 219 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,109 (spits) 220 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,986 Attention, everyone. The punch has been spiked! 221 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,529 (all gasping) 222 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,531 Don't worry. Your parents have been called 223 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:34,740 and will be here to pick you up shortly! 224 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,325 ALL: Yay! 225 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,579 Marge, someone squeezed all the life out of these kids. 226 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,248 And unless movies and TV have lied to me, 227 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,167 it's a crusty, bitter, old dean. 228 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,128 Hi there. Hello, I'm Dean Peterson, 229 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,170 but you can call me Bobby. 230 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,922 I just want you to know, 231 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,425 if you ever feel stressed out from studying or whatever, 232 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,385 I'm always up for some hacky sack. 233 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:57,221 Or if you just want to come by and jam, 234 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,390 I used to be the bass player for the Pretenders. 235 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,350 ♪♪ (fast riff) 236 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,978 Boy, I can't wait to take some of the starch 237 00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,146 out of that stuffed shirt. 238 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:11,110 Good morning and welcome to Nuclear Physics 101. 239 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:15,156 I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying-- 240 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:18,534 "Out with the old, in with the nucleus." 241 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,869 (laughing) 242 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,038 Now we'll begin by-- Oops. 243 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,998 (laughing loudly) 244 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,086 Ah, did you see that jerk? 245 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,422 (laughing) 246 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,507 Dropped his notes! 247 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,427 (laughing more loudly) 248 00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,890 Now, if anyone would like to stay, 249 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,683 I'm going to hold a comprehensive review session 250 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,726 after every class. 251 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,603 -Do we have to? -No. 252 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:49,148 Then kiss my curvy butt good-bye. 253 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,528 -(giggling) -(squirrels chittering) 254 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,405 Whoo-hoo! 255 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,160 ♪♪ ("Louie, Louie") 256 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,746 Homer, we have a perfectly good bookcase. 257 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:06,415 Yeah, but this is what they're doing on campus. 258 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,292 Besides, it isn't costing us. 259 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,294 I swiped the cinder blocks from a construction site. 260 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,090 Sir, six cinder blocks are missing. 261 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,549 There'll be no hospital then. 262 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,468 I'll tell the children. 263 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,680 This proton accelerator destabilizes the atom 264 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,265 in this chamber here, then propels it-- 265 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,768 HOMER: Uh, excuse me, Professor Brainiac, 266 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,105 but I worked in a nuclear power plant for 10 years, 267 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,650 and, uh, I think I know how a proton accelerator works. 268 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,610 Well, please come down and show us. 269 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,821 All right. I will. 270 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,656 (screaming) 271 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:43,411 -In there, guys. -BOTH: Thanks, Homer. 272 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,663 Homer, no one blames you for the accident. 273 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,040 We simply feel you might benefit with 274 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,125 a little outside tutoring. 275 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,210 I researched these names myself. 276 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,796 Yeah, you won this round, Dean, 277 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,090 but the war isn't over. 278 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,427 -(phone rings) -Hello. 279 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,762 HOMER: Hello, Dean. You're a stupid-head! 280 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,681 -Homer, is that you? -(yelps) 281 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,938 Hiya, gang. 282 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,274 Intruder alert. Intruder alert. 283 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,608 Stop the humanoid. 284 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,569 (chortling) 285 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,612 Look, I'm supposed to get a physics tutor. 286 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,322 Well, you've come to the right place, then. 287 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,116 If there's one thing we know, it is science. 288 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:23,617 And math. 289 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,911 And the words to every Monty Python routine. 290 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,998 ALL: We are the knights who say "Ni!" 291 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,625 NERDS: Ni! Ni! Ni! (giggling) 292 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,586 (chuckles) Ni. 293 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,255 We played Dungeons & Dragons 294 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,715 for three hours. 295 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,550 Then I was slain by an elf. 296 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,386 Listen to yourself, man. You're hangin' with nerds. 297 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,597 -You take that back! -Homer, please. 298 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,558 These boys sound very nice, but they're clearly nerds. 299 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,643 Really? But nerds are my mortal enemy. 300 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,437 Dad, nerds are nothing to fear. 301 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,773 In fact, they've done some pretty memorable things. 302 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,483 Some nerds of note include 303 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,651 popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher, 304 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,445 rock star David Byrne, 305 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,572 and supreme court justice David Souter. 306 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,783 (gasps) Oh, not Souter! 307 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,910 Oh, no! 308 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,371 Come on, Mr. Simpson. You'll never pass this course 309 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,791 if you don't know the periodic table. 310 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,834 -I'll write it on my hand. -Oh! 311 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,962 Including all known lanthanides and actinides? 312 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,882 -(chuckling) Good luck. -(all chuckling) 313 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,176 Come on, guys. 314 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:25,346 Look at yourselves! All you do is study. 315 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:26,722 I'm gonna show you 316 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,766 the true meaning of college. 317 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,811 We're gonna go out and par-ty! 318 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:32,978 Wait a minute. I'll put on my snow pants. 319 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,647 -Me too. -Me too. 320 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,483 Ah, the college road trip. 321 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:39,944 What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem? 322 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,153 If you're going for a ride, 323 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,947 I'd like you to take Bart and Lisa. 324 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:46,909 But, Marge, we're college guys, and we're up to no good. 325 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,620 Mr. Simpson, Gary spilled his ear medicine. 326 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,958 Oh, those baby ducks were so cute. 327 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,669 I can't believe they let us walk right up and feed them. 328 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,463 -I need to go to the bathroom. -We stopped five minutes ago. 329 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,673 Yeah, but someone knocked on the door, 330 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:01,715 and I couldn't go. 331 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,384 I'm telling you. 332 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:06,971 A big, crazy prank is just what the doctor ordered. 333 00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,765 (giggling) The dean will go nuts. 334 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,642 (gasps) I got it! 335 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:15,354 We wait by his mailbox, and when he comes outside, 336 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:18,357 we roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge! 337 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,986 (laughing) 338 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:26,532 -(scraping sound) -(all groaning) 339 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:29,618 So it's a prank you're looking for, is it? 340 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,704 I'll give you your prank. 341 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,747 The only other college in 50 miles 342 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:34,832 is Springfield A&M, 343 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:37,001 so they're our best target. 344 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,502 Those bastards. 345 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,588 Meet Sir Oinkcelot, 346 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,007 the beloved mascot of Springfield A&M. 347 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:46,176 Here he is presiding over last year's homecoming. 348 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,887 Here he is conferring an honorary degree 349 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,305 on Richard Nixon. 350 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,515 And here he is rolling in his own filth. 351 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:55,853 Gentlemen, I propose we kidnap Sir Oinkcelot. 352 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,396 And then we roll him up in a carpet 353 00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,648 and throw him off a bridge! 354 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,568 (laughing) What? 355 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,492 -(squeals) -Look, 356 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,785 you pull its tail straight, 357 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,871 and it curls right back up again. 358 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:16,790 Curly, straight. Curly, straight. 359 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:17,875 {\an8}Curly, straight. Curly, straight. 360 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,752 {\an8}(squealing) 361 00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:22,296 Mr. Simpson, I don't think he likes that. 362 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:26,425 (giggles) Of course he does. He's a cute little piggy. 363 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,470 Curly, straight. Curly, straight. Ow! 364 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:32,681 -Why, you little-- -Mr. Simpson, stop! 365 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,850 -It's a defenseless animal! -(screams) 366 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,685 (groaning, snorting) 367 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,313 Hey, the pig's acting kinda funny. 368 00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,523 He and Mr. Simpson split a case of malt liquor. 369 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,109 Guys, he's really sick. 370 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,947 Hello! That sounds like a pig fainting. 371 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,074 (squealing) 372 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,954 I'm sorry, boys. 373 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,664 I-I've never expelled anyone before, 374 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,249 but that pig had some powerful friends. 375 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,002 Oh, you'll pay. Don't think you won't pay! 376 00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:06,882 Guys, believe me. 377 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,759 I didn't mean to get you expelled. 378 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,386 Oh, don't worry, Mr. Simpson. 379 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,179 We can take care of ourselves. 380 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,557 Uh, wallet inspector. 381 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,934 Oh, here you go. 382 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,227 I believe that's all in order. 383 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,562 I can't believe that worked! 384 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:24,775 Hey! That's not the wallet inspector. 385 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:32,992 -(humming) -(groans) 386 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,327 Marge, they don't have anywhere to stay. 387 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,495 And they're geniuses. 388 00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,997 They'll solve all our problems. 389 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,040 They'll elevate us to the status 390 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,583 of kings on earth! 391 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,877 Mr. Simpson, we all have nosebleeds. 392 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,713 Oh, for the love of-- 393 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,801 -(loud beeping) -(groans) 394 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:53,887 What's wrong with this phone? It's making crazy noises. 395 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,890 Those crazy noises are computer signals. 396 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,143 Yeah, some guys at M.I.T. are sending us reasons why 397 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:01,812 Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk. 398 00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,565 Ha! They're out of their minds. 399 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:05,983 (groans) 400 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,695 Oh, I heard about this. 401 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,656 This is the one where Scratchy finally gets Itchy. 402 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,949 Wow! 403 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,130 (cackling) 404 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,635 (whistles) 405 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,187 My purpose in life is to witness this moment. 406 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,025 (screaming) 407 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,735 We need the outlet for our rock tumbler. 408 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,195 BOTH: Plug it in! Plug it in! 409 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:53,113 What, the rock tumbler or the TV? 410 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,782 BOTH: The TV! The TV! 411 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:59,244 -♪ ...show ♪ -(cheering) 412 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,955 Wow! They'll never let us show that again, 413 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,041 not in a million years! 414 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,793 (chortling) 415 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,795 (screaming) 416 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:11,632 Dad, start digging some nerd holes. 417 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:14,426 It's bad enough they put their retainers in the dishwasher. 418 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,928 Can't we do something? 419 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,639 Look, I'm sure we can work something out 420 00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:20,933 where we can all live in harmony. Right, Marge? 421 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,227 No, I want those geeks out of my house. 422 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,938 You really think you can get us back into college? 423 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,314 Absolutely. 424 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,317 Now, the only antidote to a zany scheme 425 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,194 is an even zanier scheme! 426 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,113 Why does it have to be zany? 427 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,198 (gasps) I've got it! 428 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,574 We're gonna fix it 429 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:40,077 so you guys save the dean's life. 430 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,038 -(engine revving) -Perfect. 431 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,542 (tires screeching) 432 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,877 (whistling) 433 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,546 Okay, guys. 434 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,090 We push him out of the way in exactly three seconds. 435 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,092 Should we correct for wind resistance? 436 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,594 Hmm, possibly. What do you think? 437 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,847 -(thudding) -Oh, my. 438 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:03,600 Well, Dean, I'm really sorry for the running-you-over prank. 439 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,102 Prank? 440 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,187 And all those other pranks were my idea too. 441 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,940 I'm the one who should be expelled. 442 00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:11,525 {\an8}Well, I'm touched by your honesty. 443 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,068 {\an8}And who knows-- 444 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,612 {\an8}perhaps I've been a bit of an ogre myself. 445 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,614 {\an8}-Yes, you have. -How's this? 446 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,783 {\an8}I'll re-admit your friends, 447 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,119 {\an8}and we'll forget this whole silly incident ever occurred. 448 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,830 Oh, Dean. This is what your new hip 449 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:25,956 is going to look like. 450 00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,332 (nervous chuckling) 451 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,877 You're gonna have to go easy on it. 452 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,172 Oh, it's good to be back after all these weeks. 453 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,132 Better check our answering machine, huh? 454 00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,635 WOMAN'S VOICE: Number of messages received: zero. 455 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,179 (all sighing) 456 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,472 We really want to thank you, Mr. Simpson. 457 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,558 Ah, no problem, guys. 458 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,269 The important thing is that we wrapped up 459 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,897 all the loose ends. 460 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,648 So, in conclusion, 461 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,151 good luck on tomorrow's big final exam. 462 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,153 Exam? Oh! 463 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,863 This is just like one of those bad dreams! 464 00:19:57,946 --> 00:19:59,156 (screams) 465 00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:02,242 What are you gonna do, Mr. Simpson? 466 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,453 Actually, I've been working on a plan. 467 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,247 During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, 468 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,833 and hope that somehow everything will work out. 469 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,293 Or with our help, 470 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:15,088 you can cram like you've never crammed before! 471 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,381 Whatever. Either way is good. 472 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,267 (grunts) 473 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,398 Whoo-hoo! 474 00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,988 Oh, man. I can't believe you failed. 475 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,032 Oh, I'm gonna lose my job 476 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,826 just 'cause I'm dangerously unqualified! 477 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,662 Mr. Simpson, there is a way. 478 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:47,996 We could, well, 479 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,790 use a computer to change your grade. 480 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,917 (gasps) Computers can do that? 481 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,295 Oh, yes. The only problem is the moral dilemma it raises, 482 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,880 -which requires-- -(kissing) 483 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,299 Oh, I love-- Moral whuzzah? 484 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,469 An A-plus! How did you do it? 485 00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:05,180 Oh, let's just say I had help from 486 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,307 a little magic box. 487 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,684 You changed your grade with a computer? 488 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:09,726 D'oh! 489 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,061 Way to go, Dad! 490 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,437 Look, the important thing 491 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,773 is that we all learned a lesson. 492 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:17,150 These guys learned the richness and variety 493 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,319 of the world outside college. 494 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,737 -No, we didn't. -Oh. 495 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,907 Then I learned the real value of college 496 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,867 is to study and work hard. 497 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,119 No, you didn't. 498 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,329 You only passed your course by cheating, 499 00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,706 which you always taught us was wrong. 500 00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:33,542 -Hmm. True. -And I learned that 501 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,627 in order for you to set a good example for your son, 502 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,255 you're gonna take that course over again without cheating. 503 00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:39,756 Oh, Marge! 504 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,134 You're worse than that crusty old dean. 505 00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:43,844 (sighs) 506 00:21:43,927 --> 00:21:45,971 Well, I guess it's back to college for me. 507 00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,308 And that means it's time to-- What did I teach you guys? 508 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,560 NERDS: Par-ty down? 509 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,395 Yes! 510 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,773 {\an8}♪♪ (rock) 511 00:21:56,857 --> 00:22:00,944 {\an8}♪ Louie, Louie, oh, no ♪ 512 00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:03,030 {\an8}♪ We gotta go ♪ 513 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:06,575 {\an8}♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I said, Louie, Louie ♪ 514 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:10,370 {\an8}♪ Oh, baby we gotta go ♪ 515 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:16,793 {\an8}♪ A fine little girl waits for me ♪ 516 00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:20,881 {\an8}♪ Catch a ship across the sea ♪ 517 00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:24,009 {\an8}♪ Sail that ship about all alone ♪ 518 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:27,888 {\an8}♪ We never think how I'll make it home ♪ 519 00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:31,641 {\an8}♪ Oh, Louie, Louie, oh, no, no, no ♪ 520 00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,685 {\an8}♪ We gotta go ♪ 521 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:38,357 {\an8}♪ Oh, no, said Louie, Louie ♪ 522 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,234 {\an8}♪ Oh, baby, say that we gotta go ♪ 523 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,614 Shh! 524 00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:51,536 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.