1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,672 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,177 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,303 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:15,807 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:18,059 -(screams) -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,075 (bird cawing) 7 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,369 {\an8}(sighs) Lousy job. 8 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,996 {\an8}Nothing exciting ever happens. 9 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,123 {\an8}-(alarm blaring) -(bell ringing) 10 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,333 {\an8}Congratulations, Homer Simpson! 11 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,086 {\an8}You've just won the employee raffle. 12 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,504 {\an8}Whoo-hoo! What do I get? 13 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,840 {\an8}The job of industrial chimney sweep for a day! 14 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,718 {\an8}Whoo-hoo! 15 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,766 {\an8}Whoa! (grunting) 16 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,185 {\an8}(groaning) 17 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:04,147 {\an8}(coughing) 18 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,650 {\an8}Hey, this isn't such a great prize. 19 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,944 {\an8}Oh, well, this may be a dirty job, 20 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:13,406 {\an8}but the big guys at the top work even harder. 21 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,408 {\an8}(chuckling) Whoa! 22 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,952 {\an8}(exhales) 23 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:22,123 {\an8}Hmm. (sighs) Will 5:00 never come? 24 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,834 {\an8}Careful, Smithers! That sponge has corners, you know. 25 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,170 I'll go find a spherical one. 26 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,546 (grunts) 27 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,424 Help, Smithers. I'm sinking. 28 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,385 I'm sinking. (gasps) 29 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,888 Life... flashing... 30 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,265 {\an8}before-- (gurgling) 31 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,392 {\an8}...eyes. 32 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,442 You're fired! 33 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:52,028 Dance! (laughing) 34 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,907 (grunting) 35 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,909 Dance! 36 00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,869 (horn blows) 37 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,581 All right. 38 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,375 We're finally gonna stop those corporate pigs 39 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,460 from dumping that nuclear waste. 40 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:10,255 Oh, no! Our boat is sinking. 41 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,006 It was I, you fools! 42 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:16,136 The man you trusted isn't Wavy Gravy at all. (grunts) 43 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:20,223 And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco. 44 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,434 (chortles, grunts) 45 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:27,647 (evil laughter) 46 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,526 I got a mink chamois, sir. I hope that-- (gasps) 47 00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:34,654 Oh, my God! Mr. Burns is dead! 48 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:38,324 (sobbing) Why do the good always die so young? 49 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,577 (wailing) 50 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,954 (gasps) You almost killed me! 51 00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,080 (grunts) 52 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,082 (gasps) Please, sir. 53 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,043 You'll catch-- (gags) cold. 54 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,798 Smithers, do you realize, if I had died, 55 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,509 there would be no one to carry on my legacy? 56 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,596 Due to my hectic schedule and lethargic sperm, 57 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,973 I never fathered an heir. 58 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,058 Now I have no one 59 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,853 to leave my enormous fortune to. 60 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:09,856 -No one. -(clears throat) 61 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,400 You, Smithers? Oh, no, my dear friend. 62 00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,527 I have planned a far greater reward for you. 63 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,824 When I pass on, you shall be buried alive with me. 64 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:23,828 Oh. Goody. 65 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:31,878 (synthesized tones crescendoing) 66 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:34,547 -(rumbling) -(grunting) 67 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,216 (screams) 68 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:41,930 (cheering) 69 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:45,350 Turn it up! Turn it up! 70 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,646 Hello. I am Montgomery Burns. 71 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,231 -(yelps) -Now then, 72 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,942 I am looking for a suitable young male heir 73 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,944 to leave my fortune to when I pass away. 74 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:59,656 My vast, vast, vast fortune. 75 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,786 -Vast. -(excited chattering) 76 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,955 Auditions will be tomorrow at my estate. 77 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,624 And now, our feature presentation. 78 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:11,167 (whispering) 79 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,003 Oh, for-- Oh, very well. 80 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,049 ♪ Let's all go to the lobby let's all go to the lobby ♪ 81 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:22,553 ♪ Let's all go to the lobby get ourselves some snacks ♪ 82 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,768 (chattering) 83 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,937 What are the two E's? Enunciate and energy. 84 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:38,152 I have nothing to offer you but my love. 85 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,571 I specifically said "No geeks." 86 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,157 But my mom says I'm cool. 87 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,285 MR. BURNS: Next. 88 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,621 Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in! 89 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,041 Oh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list. 90 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,711 (piano playing) 91 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,463 ♪ Clang, clang, clang went the trolley ♪ 92 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,633 ♪ Ring, ring, ring went the bell ♪ 93 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,385 ♪ Zing, zing, zing went my heart strings ♪ 94 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,220 -(grunts) -Thank you! 95 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,014 Give the bully an extra point. 96 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,099 (clears throat) 97 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,727 I propose to you that your heir need not be a boy. 98 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,687 In this phallocentric society of ours-- 99 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:16,482 I don't know what "phallocentric" means, but no girls! 100 00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,152 So much for plan "B." 101 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,112 That's it, boy. You're our last hope. 102 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:24,824 {\an8}Ohh. I just don't want to be here, Dad. 103 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,159 {\an8}Besides, I started a fire this morning 104 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,536 {\an8}that I really should keep an eye on. 105 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,205 Bart, this isn't the kind of thing I normally would think was a good idea, 106 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,416 but you wouldn't have to live with Mr. Burns. 107 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,751 You'd just get all of his money someday. 108 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,754 This could provide for your entire future. 109 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,631 -(applause) -Congratulations. 110 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,675 You've just graduated from the most expensive 111 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,802 and, therefore, best school there is. 112 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,929 And your discovery of the cure for the common cold-- 113 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,641 Hello, Marge. I'm Lee Majors. Will you come away with me? 114 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,977 Uh, sure. 115 00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:57,690 (bionic jumping sound) 116 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,735 I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors. 117 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:02,570 Ah, one more. 118 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:05,114 (faint: bionic jumping sound) 119 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,036 Okay, boy. I wrote down exactly what to say. 120 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,789 Just read it, and you're a shoo-in! 121 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,710 "Hello, Mr. Kurns. 122 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:22,548 I bad want money now. Me sick." 123 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,675 HOMER: Ooh, he card reads good. 124 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,887 "So pick, please, me, Mr. Burns." 125 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,764 -It's Kurns, stupid! -No, it's not. 126 00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:32,058 -Disregard. -Oh, he's the worst yet. 127 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,060 That's it. Everyone out. 128 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,396 Except you. One step to the left. 129 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,817 (grunting) 130 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,074 Ow! 131 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,367 Excellent. 132 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,160 (laughing) 133 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:57,708 The boot kicked Bart! It kicked him right in the butt! 134 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,753 (groans) 135 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,338 I think Bart and Lisa are feeling 136 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,923 a little upset right now. 137 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,008 Isn't there something you'd like to say? 138 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,094 There sure is. 139 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:11,264 Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. 140 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:14,642 The lesson is, never try. 141 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:17,603 (laughing) Right in the butt. 142 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:18,688 That was great. 143 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,856 (angry grumbling) 144 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,650 It's no use. 145 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,110 I guess I'll have to leave all my money 146 00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:26,112 to the egg advisory council. 147 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,322 Eggs have gotten quite a bad rap lately, you know, Smithers. 148 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,868 Oh, look. A bird has become petrified 149 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,911 and lost its sense of direction. 150 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,705 I think it's a rock, sir. 151 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,748 We'll see what the lab has to say about that. 152 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,000 (glass shattering) 153 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:44,213 (glass shattering) 154 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,008 Why, that rapscallion is breaking all my windows. 155 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,970 (sinister chuckling) 156 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:03,357 -(excited shouting) -(doorbell ringing) 157 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,527 (chuckling) Look, Smithers. 158 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,237 A creature of pure malevolence. 159 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,656 He's the perfect one to suckle 160 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,200 at my proverbial teat. 161 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,076 You there, boy! What day is this? 162 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,579 (cockney accent) Today, sir? Why, it's Christmas day. 163 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,498 I was talking to him. 164 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,416 -You, what day is this? -Huh? 165 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,251 I'll tell you what day it is. 166 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,880 Today is the day you become my heir. 167 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,507 -(Bart grunts) -(groans) 168 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,467 Ooh, I like him a lot. 169 00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,183 Just sign here, 170 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:40,353 and your son will stand to inherit my entire estate. 171 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,522 Whoo-hoo! We're rich. 172 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,025 Bart, get over to the mansion and open up all the windows. 173 00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,736 We want to get the old-people smell out before we move in. 174 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,655 Dad, Mr. Burns hasn't passed away yet. 175 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:52,573 Huh? Oh, right. 176 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,159 So I guess you're in okay shape, huh? 177 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,827 No heart problems or anything? 178 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:57,828 Well, I-- 179 00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:01,415 -Boo! -(groaning) 180 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,126 (groaning continues) I'm okay. 181 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:08,631 Now that you've all agreed to reap the windfall of my death, 182 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,467 I must return to my large, empty mansion 183 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,930 to rattle around and await the inevitable alone. 184 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:20,268 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 185 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,770 Yeah. Let's push him down the steps. 186 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,480 No! 187 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,650 You know, Bart, since he is giving you all of his money, 188 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,611 maybe it would be nice if you spent some time with him. 189 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,905 -Well-- -Come on, honey. 190 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,699 All right. 191 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,492 How come Bart gets to do that, 192 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,703 and I can't spend one night lurking in the bushes 193 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,539 outside Chef Boyardee's house? 194 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:52,341 Bart, I know you children see me as some sort of "booger man," 195 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,261 {\an8}but, uh, I'm really not such a bad dude. 196 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,514 {\an8}Oh, your milk's gone cold. I'll ring for the maid. 197 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,224 {\an8}Whoa! (muffled grunting) 198 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,143 Oh, sorry. Wrong button. 199 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:07,523 Um, I think I'd like to go home. 200 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,526 Oh, if you stay, you can have anything you want to eat, 201 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,154 even some sort of gelatin dish. 202 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,989 It's made from hooves, you know. 203 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,158 Anything, huh? 204 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,827 Okay. I want pizza, 205 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,205 and I want it delivered by Krusty the Clown. 206 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,499 -Hmm. -Hmm. 207 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,835 Hey, it's Krusty the Pizza Man! 208 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,170 (chortling) 209 00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,588 All right. Where's my 400 bucks? 210 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,340 Hey, wait. 211 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,634 How can you be here when your show's on live? 212 00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,552 Ah, I just threw on an old rerun. 213 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,012 No one will know the difference. 214 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,764 ♪♪ (upbeat music plays) 215 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,558 Huh? Huh? Huh? 216 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,644 Eh, children, remain calm. 217 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,146 The Falkland Islands have just been invaded. 218 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,899 I repeat, the Falkland's have just been invaded! 219 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:53,694 The disputed islands lie here, off the coast of Argentina. 220 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,988 (groans) 221 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,865 This is my pride and joy. 222 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:01,077 I've had hidden cameras planted in every home in Springfield. 223 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,037 I got the idea from that movie, Sliver. 224 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,705 What a delightful romp. 225 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,375 ♪♪ (Wiggum humming) 226 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,711 Are you talking to me? There's no one else here. 227 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,923 You must be talking to me. 228 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,592 Well, that was an antique. Crap! 229 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:27,395 Oh, yeah. So good. 230 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:32,233 Oh, that explains his mysterious trip to Holland. 231 00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,819 And I had the greatest time. 232 00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,071 Mr. Burns's house has everything: 233 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,031 a hedge maze, a moat, 234 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,033 bleached hardwood floors and a bottomless pit. 235 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,827 It couldn't possibly be bottomless. 236 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,245 Well, for all intents and purposes. 237 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:50,751 Hey! Mom! Bart's throwing peas! 238 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,420 Bart, don't throw peas at your sister. 239 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,714 Mr. Burns throws peas at Smithers. 240 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,133 Ow! That was a big one! 241 00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,010 -Homer, say something. -Okay. 242 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:03,681 Lisa, quit getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas. 243 00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:06,559 -(groans) -Oh, yuck. Meat loaf. 244 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,937 My most hated of all loafs. 245 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,440 (gasps) That was the end piece! 246 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:16,068 That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, 247 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,280 but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! 248 00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:22,742 -Go to your room! -No! This family stinks! 249 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,035 Mr. Burns nurtures my destructive side. 250 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,620 I'm suffocating here. 251 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,707 -Bart, you listen! -Oh, go eat some flowers! 252 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,834 (screams) My secret shame. 253 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,716 Smithers, my plan worked perfectly. 254 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,093 Bart Simpson will live here as my son, 255 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,929 and I will mold him in my own graven image. 256 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,724 Who knows? I may even grow to... 257 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,767 love him. 258 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,977 Bartholomew! 259 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,521 Ugh! Smithers, get it off me! 260 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,276 Bart, you're coming home. 261 00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,111 I want to stay here with Mr. Burns. 262 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,113 I suggest you leave immediately. 263 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,116 Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees, 264 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,118 or dogs with bees in their mouth, 265 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,245 and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? 266 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,998 Well, go ahead. Do your worst. 267 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,710 (lock slides shut) 268 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,754 He locked the door! 269 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:17,963 I'll show him! 270 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,342 -(rings) -(footsteps departing) 271 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:25,179 I'm very concerned. Mr. Burns has stolen our son, and he won't give him back. 272 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:28,516 Oh, for gosh-- Can't you people solve these problems yourselves? 273 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:32,186 I mean, we can't be "policing" the whole city. 274 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,104 ♪♪ (Muzak plays) 275 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,777 Damn clogs. 276 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:41,946 Well, you good folks can rest easy now 277 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,990 because you've come to the very best in legal representation. 278 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:48,911 Uh, excuse me. Is there an Orange Julius stand on this floor? 279 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,454 I'll sell you this one. It's almost full. 280 00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,665 Well, why don't I drink out of a toilet bowl? 281 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,166 He'll be back. 282 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,418 And as for your case, don't you worry. 283 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,213 I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer. 284 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,340 (slurping) 285 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,469 This court rules in favor of Montgomery Burns. 286 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,847 I find that he is clearly the boy's biological father. 287 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:11,559 (happy chattering) 288 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,435 Uh, Judge, these won't be ready until Thursday. 289 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,730 You know, we should really stop hiring him. 290 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:23,279 (whistle tooting) 291 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,280 Cool train. Where does it go? 292 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,240 Beats me. 293 00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:27,741 But it won't be back for three hours and 40 minutes. 294 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,286 -Once it had snow on it. -Wow, Bart! 295 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:33,038 Mr. Burns gives you everything you could ever want. 296 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,165 My parents use that old love excuse 297 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,293 to screw me out of toys. 298 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,045 Well, I'm sure you'd like to be alone with your possessions. 299 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:44,842 Um, Milhouse, if you stay a little while longer, 300 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,719 you can have this blazer. 301 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:47,845 It's a Bob Mackie original. 302 00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:52,016 Wow! A Bob Mackie! 303 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:55,352 Uh... Sorry, Bart. 304 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,479 (groaning) Oh. 305 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,856 Bartholomew, you don't need him. 306 00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,816 I can be your school yard chum. 307 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,821 Five, 23, skidoo. Hut, hut! 308 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,198 (grunts, panting) 309 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,075 {\an8}Oh! 310 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,413 For me? But I don't know how to drive. 311 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,124 Oh, pish-posh. There's a jaws of life in the trunk. 312 00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:20,920 (laughing) Whoa-ho! Whoo-hoo! 313 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:24,131 Whoa! Oh! Whoo! 314 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:27,009 (laughing continues) 315 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,011 Whoa! Whoa! 316 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:32,264 -(grunting) -(laughing continues) 317 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,308 (screams, sighs) 318 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:37,394 -That was some ride. -You're telling me. 319 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,521 MAN: Mr. And Mrs. Simpson, 320 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,815 your son has clearly been brainwashed 321 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,193 by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns. 322 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,487 Are you sure you can get him back for us? 323 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,739 Absolutely. 324 00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:51,116 I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed Jane Fonda, you know. 325 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,743 What about Peter Fonda? 326 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,745 Oh, that was a heartbreaker. 327 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:57,539 But I did get Paul McCartney out of Wings. 328 00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,542 You idiot! He was the most talented one! 329 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,298 (muffled grunting) 330 00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,718 You do not love Mr. Burns. 331 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:13,138 You love Homer and Marge. You are their son. 332 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:17,935 What you are doing is wrong, wrong, wrong! 333 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,062 Do you mind? You're killing the romance in here. 334 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026 Well, it was a grueling two weeks, 335 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,152 but you have your son back. 336 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,530 Ooh. 337 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,866 Mom. Dad. I missed you. 338 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,662 Aww! (kissing) 339 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,205 Homer, that's Hans Moleman. 340 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,290 Can I keep him anyway? Huh? Huh? 341 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:44,253 ♪ ...Scratchy Show ♪ 342 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,462 ♪♪ 343 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:56,932 (muffled whimpering) 344 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,490 (gasps, screaming) 345 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,035 (laughing) 346 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,787 (laughing continues) Funny. 347 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,125 That was delightful. 348 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,793 Did you see that? 349 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,463 That mouse butchered that cat like a hog! 350 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,340 Is all TV this wonderful? 351 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,136 Um, I'd kind of like to go home now. 352 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,013 Like a hog! 353 00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,140 I-- What? What was that? 354 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:41,226 Mr. Burns, I don't want to seem ungrateful, 355 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,812 but I want to go home to my family. 356 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:47,316 (sighs) I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you this, 357 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:50,360 but I'm afraid your family doesn't want you back. 358 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,116 (stilted speech) I do not miss Bart at all. 359 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,702 (shaky voice) I am glad he's gone. 360 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:01,246 -As am I. -B'oh! 361 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,248 It's probably my imagination, 362 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,293 but something about them didn't seem quite right. 363 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:09,922 Really? Excuse me for just a moment. 364 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,218 People, that was all wrong! 365 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,844 Homer Simpson doesn't say "B'oh." He says-- 366 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,264 "D'oh." 367 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,643 (British accent) Sorry, M.B., 368 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,436 but I'm having trouble with this character. 369 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,731 Is he supposed to have some kind of neurological impairment, 370 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,150 like Rain Man or Awakenings? 371 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,736 I mean, what the hell am I doing here? 372 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,406 And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of Murphy Brown. 373 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,493 (low voice) Hey, you know we're getting into golden time? 374 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,078 Yes, well, just get it right, 375 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,788 or you'll all be back doing Come Blow Your Horn 376 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,081 at the Westport Dinner Theater. 377 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,749 All right then. 378 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,501 Let's see what the old Simpson family is up to now. 379 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,004 Duh-oh! 380 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:54,675 (groans) That's them, all right. 381 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:56,552 I can't believe it. 382 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:02,349 I guess you're the only one I can trust. 383 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:05,269 -Hmm? Hmm? -Dad? 384 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,941 -(bone snaps) -Oh! That rib always breaks. 385 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,779 (groaning) 386 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,906 Lisa, what are you doing? 387 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,868 Just trying to fill the void of random, meaningless destruction 388 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:23,620 that Bart's absence has left in our hearts. 389 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,122 (yelps) 390 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,915 That's sweet, honey. 391 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,042 It's a little tight. 392 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,377 Yes, that's to correct your posture. 393 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,421 Soon you'll have a mighty hump. 394 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:36,008 Now, you really are my son. 395 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,218 This calls for a celebration. 396 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,761 Let's fire some employees. 397 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,305 Excellent. 398 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,560 Okay, let's make this sporting, Leonard. 399 00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:49,146 If you can tell me why I shouldn't fire you 400 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,690 without using the letter "E," you can keep your job. 401 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:55,277 Uh, okay. Um-- 402 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,071 I'm a good work guy. 403 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,364 -You're fired. -But I didn't say-- 404 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:00,824 You will. 405 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:03,744 Eeeeeeee! 406 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,078 (chortling) 407 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,748 -Let me try one. -(switch clicks) 408 00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:11,460 Mmm. Mmm. Hey, the trail of donuts ended. 409 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,629 -(gasps) Bart! -(gasps) Homer! 410 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,631 (gasps) What a coincidence! 411 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,925 And a perfect opportunity for you to prove your loyalty. 412 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:21,762 Go ahead, Bartholomew. You may fire when ready. 413 00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:24,306 -(groans) -(whimpers) 414 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:31,980 Hurry. Fire him now or I'll disown you. You'll lose everything. 415 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,067 The fabulous toys, a lifetime of wealth and luxury, 416 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,361 the gift certificate from Blockbuster Video, 417 00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,947 the freedom to do whatever you want. 418 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,907 I'll miss you, son. 419 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:46,119 I'm sorry, Dad. 420 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,412 You're fired! 421 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,456 What? Fire me? 422 00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:54,544 That does it. You can never be my son. 423 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:58,131 -A little to the left. -Huh? Oh, very well. 424 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,592 You can never be my-- 425 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,136 -Eeeeeeee! -(gasps) 426 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:05,931 {\an8}Sir, try to land on Leonard's carcass! 427 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:08,100 (sighs) 428 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:14,064 Son, I know you're upset because you thought you saw us on TV 429 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:15,941 saying we didn't want you in our family, 430 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,902 but those were just actors playing us. 431 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:19,861 How do you know? 432 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,196 Because one of them hung out with me for a week, 433 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,365 trying to get my character down. 434 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:26,702 Yeah, me too. That midget taught me a lot about his native Estonia. 435 00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:30,163 The point is, the real Simpson family missed you a lot, 436 00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:31,707 and we're really glad you're home. 437 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,208 (kisses) 438 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,461 -I love you guys. -Right back at ya, son. 439 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,338 (all sighing) 440 00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:42,759 And now I want you to meet your new brother, Hans Moleman. 441 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,137 Cowabunga, dudes. 442 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,182 (kissing) 443 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:51,643 Give it a try. It's like kissing a peanut. 444 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:52,936 (chuckling) 445 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,981 (kissing) 446 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,984 {\an8}MARGE: Homer, I want that thing out of my house. 447 00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:00,110 {\an8}(kissing continues) 448 00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:03,030 {\an8}♪♪ 449 00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:47,074 Shh! 450 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,580 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.