1 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:05,880 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,885 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,765 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,726 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,035 All right, I raise a quarter. 6 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,453 -I'm out. -I'm out. 7 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,663 I'm out. (groans) 8 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,665 {\an8}Homer, you want any cards? Homer! 9 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:41,708 {\an8}(gagging) 10 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,918 {\an8}(grunts) Whoo. 11 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,421 {\an8}Don't try to eat these so-called "chips." 12 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:47,881 Do you want another card or not? 13 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,424 Huh? Oh okay. I'll take three. 14 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,676 {\an8}D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 15 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,429 {\an8}Uh, I mean, whoo-hoo. 16 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,598 {\an8}I'm in. Let's see your cards. 17 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:59,726 {\an8}-Oh, I was bluffing. -(laughs) 18 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,562 {\an8}Come to papa! Wait a minute. 19 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,856 {\an8}You have a straight flush, homer! 20 00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:08,651 {\an8}G'oh! You do this every time, ya-- Oh, you-- 21 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:12,030 {\an8}(gagging) Chokin' on my own rage, here. 22 00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:15,075 Hey, don't yell at Homer just 'cause he's a little slow. 23 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,326 (gasps) 24 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,328 {\an8}Something was said. Not good. 25 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,080 {\an8}What was it? "Don't yell at Homer"! 26 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,874 {\an8}No, that's okay. What was it? 27 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:26,711 {\an8}"Slow." They called you "Slow"! 28 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,756 {\an8}How dare you call me that? I-- Huh? 29 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,717 {\an8}Hey, Homer, you still here? Boy, you are slow. 30 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,552 {\an8}(gasps) Something said. Not good. 31 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,137 {\an8}Get the hell out of here. 32 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,723 {\an8}-(kick lands) -(door slams) 33 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:42,811 {\an8}(all chewing loudly) 34 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:45,939 {\an8}So anyhoo, last night we're playin' poker, right? 35 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,608 {\an8}As usual, I'm winning and not realizing it. 36 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:52,195 {\an8}And Lenny says that I'm, uh-- (chuckles) 37 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,990 Get this-- (laughing) 38 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,827 "A little slow"! (laughing loudly) 39 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:05,291 How come you're not laughing? Do you think I'm slow? 40 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,293 -Buh. -Snuh. 41 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:12,674 (groans) We don't think you're slow, 42 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:15,844 but on the other hand, it's not like you go to museums 43 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,554 or read books or anything. 44 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,097 You think I don't want to? 45 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:22,809 It's those TV networks, Marge. They won't let me. 46 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,727 One quality show after another, 47 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,814 each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. 48 00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,607 If they only stumbled once, 49 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,694 just gave us 30 minutes to ourselves. 50 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:35,572 But they won't! They won't let me live! 51 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,948 (sobbing) 52 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,451 Oh, who am I kidding? 53 00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,204 -I am slow. -Oh, Homey. 54 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,165 If you feel so bad about yourself, 55 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,834 there's always things you can do to feel better. 56 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,002 Take another bath in malt liquor? 57 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,420 There's that. 58 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,173 Or you could take an adult education course. 59 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,842 Oh, and how is "education" 60 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,802 supposed to make me feel smarter? 61 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,430 Besides, every time I learn something new, 62 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,640 it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. 63 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:06,436 Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive? 64 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,937 That's because you were drunk! 65 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,606 And how. 66 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,659 {\an8}One way to drive your man wild 67 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,871 is to wear tight, revealing clothes. 68 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,206 ALL: Eww! 69 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,333 At this point I'd like to remind you, 70 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,210 there are no refunds. 71 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,256 All right, here's the 411, folks. 72 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,885 Say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. 73 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,053 Ya just give' em one of these. 74 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,846 (hip-hop plays) 75 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,767 ♪ Ooh, eh, ah, ooh ♪ 76 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:46,976 (students protesting) 77 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,564 (chewing, humming, spits) 78 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,565 (pings) 79 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,984 You see, that ping sound means the spit was on target. 80 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:59,906 -Now you try. -(spitting) 81 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,699 -(moans) -Gettin' better. 82 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,912 Wait a minute. Even Lenny is teaching a class. 83 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:08,539 Look at the way they admire and adore him. 84 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,541 (simpering sounds) 85 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:15,213 That's it. If he can teach a class, he can teach a class! 86 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,382 I mean, I can teach a class! 87 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,635 What is your area of expertise? 88 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,387 Well, I can tell the difference between butter 89 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,846 and "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter." 90 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,474 No, you can't, Mr. Simpson. No one can. 91 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,309 Oh, I failed again. 92 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,478 Everybody can teach a class but me. 93 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:33,690 I'm an idiot. What am I gonna tell my wife and kids? 94 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,692 -Oh, you're married? -That depends. 95 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,944 Is there another way to get this job? 96 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,862 No. Mr. Simpson, 97 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,198 what I mean is we may have a job for you after all. 98 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:45,201 We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful marriage. 99 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,369 I'll do it! 100 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,121 Anything to get me out of that house, 101 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:51,124 away from all that nagging and noise, 102 00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,793 uh, of a family of love. 103 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,169 ♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪ 104 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,798 (children chewing loudly) 105 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,758 Look, everyone. 106 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,261 Now that I'm a teacher, I've sewed patches on my elbows. 107 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:06,639 Homer, that's supposed to be leather patches 108 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,350 on a tweed blazer, not the other way around. 109 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,395 You've ruined a perfectly good jacket. 110 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:17,108 Ah, incorrect, Marge-- Two perfectly good jackets. 111 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,610 I think it's great you're a teacher, Dad. 112 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,654 So, will you be lecturing from a standardized text 113 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,239 {\an8}or using the more Socratic method 114 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,615 {\an8}of interactive class participation? 115 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:29,078 Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher. 116 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,959 (doorbell rings) 117 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,295 (chuckles) Oh, Homer. What a pleasant-- 118 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:40,465 Can't talk now, Flanders. I've got a class to teach. 119 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,382 But you rang my-- 120 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,012 {\an8}BOY: Can I take your order? 121 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,680 Nothing for me today. 122 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,807 I've got a class to teach. 123 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:52,602 Sir, it's a felony to tease the order box. 124 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:59,359 -(tires squealing) -It's all right. I'm a teacher! 125 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,819 (gasps) I didn't know we could do that. 126 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,405 -(tires squealing) -(clamoring) 127 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,825 (scraping on blackboard, students protesting) 128 00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,497 All right. The first thing they told me to do 129 00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,665 was to make sure everyone here is in the right class. 130 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:15,833 (sputters) 131 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,502 Down the hall, room 12. 132 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:18,544 MAN (with mouth full): Thank you. 133 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,545 Ew. 134 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,005 Okay. Let's get started. 135 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,758 Uh, um... 136 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,553 uh-h-h-m... 137 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,846 hmm-- 138 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,015 (whispers) 139 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,850 No talking. 140 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,936 (clears throat) Uh-- 141 00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:37,939 Hmm. 142 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,692 Hmm. Oh. 143 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,612 Hmm. No. 144 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,489 Uh-- (smacks lips) 145 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,116 Hmm. 146 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,451 Um, how about if we tell you 147 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,412 our problems with relationships. 148 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,498 Yeah. Yeah! That'll eat up some time. 149 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:59,377 Um, how about you, Otto? 150 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:03,297 Oh, my standards are just too high, you know? 151 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,716 I feel like nobody's good enough for me. 152 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:09,262 Whoa. You think you got 'em all, 153 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,055 but you forget about the eggs. 154 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,141 My problem is I'm a real user of women. 155 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,352 I move in right away and stay until the money's gone. 156 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,480 Well, I'm a smart woman, but I make bad choices. 157 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,817 -(whispering) -(giggling) 158 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,695 Okay. Here's a set of house keys and my A.T.M. Card. 159 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,947 Um, I was married once, but, uh, 160 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,324 I just didn't know how to keep it together. 161 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,496 {\an8}(sobs) Come on, Waylon. 162 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,124 {\an8}Make love to me the way you used to. 163 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,584 No. 164 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,003 {\an8}It's that horrible Mr. Burns, isn't it? 165 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,714 You leave Mr. Burns out of this! 166 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,132 (yells) 167 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,508 BURNS: Smithers! 168 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,015 Smithers! 169 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,767 Mmm. 170 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,227 Ooh, Mr. Simpson, are you listening? 171 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,813 -(chewing loudly) -Simpson! 172 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,399 Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny. 173 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,360 Oh, ya were not. You were just eatin' a damn orange. 174 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,904 Oh, yes, yes. 175 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,072 To the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, 176 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,241 but to the eye that has brains, 177 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,243 I'm making a point about marriage. 178 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:18,706 For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. 179 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,791 First you have the skin, 180 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,711 then the sweet, sweet innards. 181 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:25,630 (chewing loudly) 182 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,719 I don't understand. 183 00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,304 If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, 184 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:36,015 I would have taken the orange-eating class. 185 00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:39,727 The eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage. 186 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:42,355 Just eat the damn oranges! 187 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,565 (students muttering) 188 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,900 This is terrible. 189 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:47,026 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Ah! We're leaving. 190 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,694 Ach, let's get out of here. 191 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,821 This is a terrible excuse for education. 192 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,908 Oh, I told Marge this wouldn't work the other night in bed. 193 00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,743 -In bed? Well. -What? 194 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:59,539 So somethin' wasn't workin' in bed, huh? Heh, heh, heh. 195 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,666 No, that's not what I meant. 196 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,293 Marge and I always talk things over in bed. 197 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,337 Like the other night, we were fighting about money. 198 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,755 Ooh, a fight. 199 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,841 Trouble in paradise, huh? Heh, heh, heh. 200 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,469 I was telling Marge that we could save some money 201 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,930 if she only dyed her hair once a month. 202 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,807 -(gasps) Marge dyes her hair? -Oh, yeah. 203 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,018 She's been as gray as a mule since she was 17. 204 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,937 Ooh. Come on. Tell us more. 205 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,147 WILLIE: Tell us about it. 206 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,776 I went on for hours, and they were hanging on my every word. 207 00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:31,237 -I really think I was born to teach. -(tires screech) 208 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,156 All right, Simpson. You were warned about teasing the box. 209 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,199 (screams) 210 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,453 BOY: Wait! I need closure on that anecdote. 211 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,627 (cash register beeping) 212 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,299 Oh, Mrs. Simpson, it may interest you to know, 213 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,468 we are having a sale on blue dye number 52. 214 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,554 It is your hair color, I believe. 215 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,681 Whatever do you mean? 216 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,809 I don't dye my hair. (forced laughing) 217 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,436 Nah, nah, nah. You got it wrong, 'Pu. 218 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,021 She's blue 56. 219 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,647 I don't know what you're talking about. 220 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,066 We just love your husband's class. 221 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,735 -That's nice. -(vehicle speeds away) 222 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,867 Homer, I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class. 223 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,828 Marge, I didn't tell 'em personal stuff. 224 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,581 Today at the Kwik-e-Mart everybody knew I dyed my hair. 225 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:25,625 Oh. You mean about you. 226 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,669 All right, maybe I said some things, some personal things. 227 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,755 But you should've seen 'em, Marge. 228 00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,632 They really wanted to hear what I had to say. 229 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,841 Mmm. I'm happy about that. 230 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,926 But I think you can be a good teacher 231 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,845 and still respect our privacy. 232 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,722 Look, Marge. You don't know what it's like. 233 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,891 I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. 234 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,935 And I'm not out of order. You're out of order! 235 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,647 The whole freakin' system is out of order. 236 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,857 You want the truth? You want the truth? 237 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,234 You can't handle the truth! 238 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:56,072 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo 239 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,909 that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! 240 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,704 Forget it, Marge. It's Chinatown! 241 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,916 Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again! 242 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,084 (quietly) Yes, ma'am. 243 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,752 Now, what is a wedding? 244 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:13,089 Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as 245 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,676 "The process of removing weeds from one's garden." 246 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,469 (all groan) 247 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:20,596 Tell us more about you and Marge. 248 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,432 This is a place of learning, not a house of... 249 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,975 hearing about things. 250 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,770 -(students groan) -Guess he's run out of stories. 251 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,688 What a rip-off. 252 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,733 I can't believe I paid $10,000 for this course. 253 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,069 What the heck was that lab fee for? 254 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,904 No. Wait. Uh, um-- 255 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,156 Wait. I-- Yes. (clears throat) 256 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,952 I do have a story about two other young marrieds. 257 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,122 (students murmuring) 258 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:50,876 Now, the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom. 259 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:55,756 It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow. 260 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,843 -We need names! -Well, let's just call 'em, uh, 261 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:02,722 Mr. "X" And Mrs. "Y." 262 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,473 So, anyway, Mr. "X" would say, 263 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,560 "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, 264 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,812 my name isn't Homer J. Simpson ." 265 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:10,771 (all gasping, murmuring) 266 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,735 -Huh? -Ooh, Homer. 267 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,278 Don't you have to get to class? 268 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,946 Not tonight, Marge. 269 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:22,408 Tonight we can eat a nice, leisurely dinner at home. 270 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,326 Oh. Well, that will be l-- (gasps) 271 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,122 What the darn? 272 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:29,790 Marge, you'll never guess what. 273 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,500 My whole class is here. 274 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,419 They're going to observe the human peep show 275 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,546 that is our lives. 276 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:39,341 Apparently, that disturbing odor was the food. 277 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,929 So, little Lisa, apple of my eye, 278 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,974 how are things down at the old schoolhouse? 279 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:50,728 {\an8}I find this demeaning and embarrassing beyond my worst nightmares. 280 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,855 (chuckling) 281 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,815 And how's my little major leaguer? 282 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,234 Catch any june bugs today? 283 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,320 Well, me and Milhouse took some mail from a mail truck 284 00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:00,613 and threw it down the sewer. 285 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,865 Son, I know you meant well, 286 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,201 but that wasn't the right thing to do. 287 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,744 What the hell are you talkin' about? 288 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,245 You're the one who double-dared us. 289 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,455 Why, you little-- 290 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:10,498 -(choking) -CLASS: Ooh. 291 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:11,499 Homer! 292 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,417 -I'm outta here. -Me too. 293 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,127 (students murmuring quietly) 294 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,797 (forced laughing) 295 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,008 Well, now that the little ones have toddled off to bed-- 296 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:24,553 I want this to end now. 297 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,807 Hey, Homer. Why don't you just nibble her elbow? 298 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,018 That always melts her butter, right? Heh, heh, heh. 299 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,102 (gasps) 300 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,521 All right. 301 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,773 Okay. Everybody out! 302 00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:38,025 Ooh, she's gotta have it. 303 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:42,488 Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out-out-out-out-out-out-out! 304 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,281 All right, we're breaking early tonight, class. 305 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,450 For tomorrow, you should read pages seven through 18 306 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,451 in Lisa's diary. 307 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,619 -You too. -Huh? 308 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:49,662 Get out! 309 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,579 But I'm not in the cla-- 310 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,626 Is any of this gonna be on the test? 311 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,711 'Cause I wasn't payin' attention. 312 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:08,764 Come on, Marge. Let me in! There's crickets out here. 313 00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:14,395 Okay, Marge. Things were said. Mistakes were made. 314 00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:17,648 Let's end this madness and get on with our lives. 315 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,900 You just don't get it, do you, Homer? 316 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,444 You told personal things about our lives, 317 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,154 even after you promised you wouldn't. 318 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,658 -I can't trust you anymore. -But I learned my lesson. 319 00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,410 It'll never happen again. 320 00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,829 Hey, Homer. What's the big brouhaha-ha? 321 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,622 Ah, Marge is throwin' me out 322 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,457 -for blabbin' about her elbow thing. -(groans) 323 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,460 Honey, the door blew shut. 324 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,714 Oh. Fine. 325 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,133 If that's what you want, you've got it. 326 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,761 This scene is gettin' old, man. I'm hittin' the road. 327 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,265 Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up 328 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,267 in this crazy old world. 329 00:14:56,604 --> 00:15:01,525 Kids, your father and I are going through a really tough time right now, 330 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,819 and I don't know what's going to happen. 331 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,781 But just remember that both your mom and your dad love you very, very much. 332 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,286 Wow, I've never seen Mom so mad at Homer before. 333 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,121 {\an8}I'll tell you a secret, Bart. 334 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,998 {\an8}Every time I'm worried about Mom and Dad, 335 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,792 {\an8}I go to the attic and add to my ball of string. 336 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,795 (screeches) 337 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,425 Earth base, this is commander Bart McCool. 338 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,719 We are under attack by the Zorrinid brain changers. 339 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,388 Quickly, into the safety dome, Milbot. 340 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,223 (in monotone) Affirmative, humanoid. 341 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,560 BOTH: Ew! 342 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,729 Don't mind me, boys. Just scrubbin' my undies. 343 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:42,316 Sorry, Bart. Your dad kinda blew the fantasy. 344 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,527 I only like it when I'm pretend-scared. 345 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,987 Keep up the roughhousing, son. 346 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,740 Without a strong male presence in the house, 347 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,742 you could turn sissy overnight. 348 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,203 Oh, these stubborn grass stains. 349 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,083 Oh, good. 350 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,834 Reverend Lovejoy will make Marge take me back. 351 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,045 He has to push the sanctity of marriage, 352 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,547 or his god will punish him. 353 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,591 -Get a divorce. -Mm-hmm. 354 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,134 But isn't that a sin? 355 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,595 Marge, just about everything is a sin. 356 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,931 You ever sat down and read this thing? 357 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,183 Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom. 358 00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,354 (sighs) 359 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,147 (moans softly) 360 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,566 {\an8}Good night, Marge. (kisses) 361 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:28,278 Oh, why didn't I take a picture? 362 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,614 I had ten years to take a picture. 363 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:34,785 Hmm. Funny the way everything reminds me of Homer. 364 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,089 HOMER'S VOICE: I love you. 365 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,800 Will you marry me, Marge? 366 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:52,177 You mean, I'm gonna be a daddy? 367 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:57,224 I hope we'll always be together, together, together-- 368 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,018 -Together? -(tires screech) 369 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,561 (screams, grunting) Ooh. 370 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,485 Here, Dad. I brought you some nice-- (yelps) 371 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,822 Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore. 372 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:16,243 I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way. 373 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,704 Dad, that's just a plant. 374 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,040 Lisa! You will respect your new mother. 375 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,124 Now, give her a kiss. 376 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,585 Kiss her! (yelps) 377 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,881 Oh-my-God! Oh-my-God! Oh-my-God! (panting) 378 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,716 All right. Let's get our stories straight. 379 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,510 She tripped, right? 380 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,263 Look. I brought you some nice pudding. 381 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:40,517 Ah, your flesh mother used to bring me pudding. 382 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,561 Oh, I miss Marge. 383 00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:46,065 Lisa, you're smart. Help me trick her into taking me back. 384 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,484 Dad, you can't trick somebody into loving you. 385 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,737 There's a reason two people come together and stay together. 386 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,863 There's something they give each other 387 00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:54,615 that nobody else can give them. 388 00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,575 If you want to get Mom back, you just have to remember 389 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,036 what you give her that nobody else can. 390 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,997 I'll pay you $40 if you think of it for me. 391 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,249 -No. -Okay. 30. 392 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,628 Good luck, Dad. 393 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,047 All right, brain. It's all up to you. 394 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,133 If you don't think of what it is, we'll lose Marge forever. 395 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,968 {\an8}Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding. 396 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,220 {\an8}Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding. 397 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,387 {\an8}Eat the pudding. Eat the pudding. 398 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:20,516 Okay, but then we gotta get to work. 399 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,726 (eating loudly) 400 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,812 (moans softly) 401 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,190 (doorbell chimes) 402 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,109 (exhales) 403 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,236 (clears throat) Oh. H-hi, Marge. 404 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,113 I heard you and Homer broke up, 405 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,950 so I'm declarin' my intentions to move in on his territory. 406 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,536 Here, I, uh, brung ya some posies. 407 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,329 Oh, my. 408 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:46,416 I'm very flattered, but I'm not really interested. 409 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,504 Sheesh. I come here, I get dressed up all nice-like, 410 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:55,259 put my heart on the line, and I make a fool of myself. 411 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,804 Oh, boy. Oh, I'm gonna start bawlin' here. 412 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,640 Hmm, why don't you come inside for a drink of water? 413 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:02,975 'Kay. 414 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:10,274 Hmm. Clean house, no silverfish. 415 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,109 Could've been very happy here. 416 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,652 (knocking) 417 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:14,987 -Homer. -Moe. 418 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:19,074 -What are you doin' here? -I, um-- Well, I-- 419 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,242 I never touched her, Homer. 420 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,368 Homer, I swear, I never touched her. 421 00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,995 MARGE: Here's your water, Moe. 422 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,037 I didn't ask her for no water. 423 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,205 She's lyin', Homer, she's lyin'. 424 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,707 She told me you were dead. 425 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,793 That's the only reason I-- I didn't do nothin'! 426 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,170 (glass breaking, Moe shouts) 427 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,296 Bye, Moe. 428 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,381 Homer, what happened to you? 429 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:38,135 Marge, I figured out what I can give you that no one else can: 430 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:41,805 A bouquet of po-- Ohhh. 431 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:45,350 I give up. I don't deserve to live with you. 432 00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:52,566 -Hmm. -(table bumps against wall) 433 00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,903 Oh. My tattered rags 434 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,822 are caught on your coffee table. 435 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,325 Oh, here. Let me help you. 436 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,248 (muttering softy) 437 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,167 {\an8}Wait a minute. Wait, that's it. 438 00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:13,212 I know now what I can offer you that no one else can: 439 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:16,423 Complete and utter dependence. 440 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,634 Homer, that's not a good thing. 441 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:22,429 Are you kidding? It's a wondrous, marvelous thing. 442 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:26,433 Marge, I need you more than anyone else on this entire planet 443 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,393 could possibly ever need you. 444 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,813 I need you to take care of me, to put up with me 445 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,191 and most of all, I need you to love me, 446 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,859 because I love you. 447 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,903 (sad grunt) 448 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,656 But how do I know I can trust you? 449 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,450 Marge, look at me. We've been separated for a day, 450 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,702 and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman. 451 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,246 In another few hours I'll be dead. 452 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,957 I can't afford to lose your trust again. 453 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:08,058 I must admit, you really do make a gal feel needed. 454 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,018 Wait till my class hears about this. 455 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,770 Kidding! 456 00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:16,650 (sighs) Oh, it's great to be indoors with my family. 457 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,652 I'm really glad you're back, Dad. 458 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:20,112 I knew you could do it. 459 00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:22,864 Now don't screw it up. 460 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,533 {\an8}Look, Dad. I missed you so much, 461 00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,244 {\an8}I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F." 462 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:29,454 {\an8}Hey, this is dated two weeks ago. 463 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,873 Oh. Sorry. Here's a fresh one. 464 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,584 And I have a special present for you, 465 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:37,087 but I'll give it to you later tonight. 466 00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,840 Special present? I don't wanna wait. I want it now! 467 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:42,009 I want the children to see. 468 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,136 Ooh. Oh, right. 469 00:21:44,219 --> 00:21:46,847 Later. (chuckling) 470 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:49,433 So, Marge, are you really happy? Really? 471 00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:50,892 -Hey, Moe. -(yelps) 472 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,111 ♪♪ 473 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,073 Shh! 474 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:52,079 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.