1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,177 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,390 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:18,059 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,001 {\an8}(humming) 6 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,753 {\an8}(bell dings) 7 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,046 {\an8}Here's your toast, Maggie. 8 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:49,049 {\an8}I melba-fied it myself. 9 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,469 {\an8}Oh, Lisa, honey, I tracked down 10 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,304 {\an8}those old newspapers for your history project. 11 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:57,348 {\an8}Wow, Mom, you didn't have to go to this much trouble. 12 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,225 {\an8}Oh, it was no trouble. 13 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,852 {\an8}The hobos at the dump were very helpful. 14 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:03,980 {\an8}Except one man who seemed to have mental problems. 15 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,607 {\an8}(muffled) Good morning. 16 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:08,193 {\an8}Bart, it's class photo day. No Dracula fangs. 17 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:09,861 {\an8}But they told us to wear them. 18 00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:11,446 {\an8}No, they didn't. 19 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:12,447 {\an8}Huh? 20 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,867 {\an8}And don't put signs on your sister. 21 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:22,457 {\an8}Now, keep the lettuce separate until 11:30. 22 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,125 {\an8}That way 23 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,835 {\an8}the lettuce stays moist and the bread stays dry. 24 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,337 {\an8}Huh? Huh? 25 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,672 {\an8}Mom, you fuss over us way too much. 26 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,132 {\an8}Enjoy it now 27 00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,383 {\an8}because when you're a grown-up 28 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,927 {\an8}you'll have to take care of yourself. 29 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,303 {\an8}(whining) Marge, 30 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,639 {\an8}there's a spider near my car keys. 31 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:40,767 {\an8}You did the right thing by telling me. 32 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,061 {\an8}Shoo. Get out of here. 33 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,396 {\an8}(sighs) That's better. 34 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,107 {\an8}Now that we're alone, 35 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,443 {\an8}Papa Bear has a little honey for his Mama Bear. 36 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,653 {\an8}(giggling) 37 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:53,113 {\an8}(gasping) 38 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:57,408 {\an8}(reading certificate) 39 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,618 "Mineral bath, facial massage." 40 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,287 How did you afford these? 41 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,123 Oh-ho, never you mind. 42 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,381 What advantages does this motor car have 43 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,383 over say, a train? 44 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,385 Which I could also afford. 45 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,803 Well, you'll notice 46 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,472 how the heated gas pedal warms your feet while... 47 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,976 ...gently massages your buttocks. 48 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,394 Well, Count Homer 49 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,645 shall we discuss the-- 50 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:26,771 No, we shan't. 51 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,691 Yoink! 52 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:34,237 Homie, this is so sweet, but I can't possibly go now. 53 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,655 The sink is full of dirty dishes. 54 00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:36,781 The trash needs to be taken out. 55 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,158 The living room is a mess. 56 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,909 Oh, we'll clean up this afternoon. 57 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:40,952 What about Maggie? 58 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,704 I got my Dad to look after her. 59 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,497 Behind ya! 60 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,666 Don't do that! 61 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,376 Don't do that! 62 00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:52,255 Come on, honey, you work yourself stupid for this family. 63 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,799 If anyone deserves to be wrapped up in seaweed 64 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,843 and buried in mud, it's you. 65 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:59,846 Well, all right. 66 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,681 But I'm taking some of the ironing with me in the ca-- Ohh!. 67 00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:07,854 Tighten those braids, Missy. 68 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,105 -Hoist your flag, Dooley. -(zipping) 69 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,025 Nelson, you look adorable. 70 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,735 I feel like punching myself. 71 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,028 Bart, stop scratching. 72 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,863 You're messing up your hair. 73 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:19,032 Ah!! Lice! 74 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,575 How on earth does a boy get head lice 75 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,911 in this day and age? 76 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,496 We bought a wicker basket from Trader Pete's 77 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,041 and he was passed out inside. 78 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,919 (chittering) 79 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:34,631 Hey, how come I get lice and nothing happens to Milhouse? 80 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,758 S-So cold. 81 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,510 So very, very cold. 82 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:45,225 See you in hell, you wingless blood-suckers. 83 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,478 (tiny shrieks) 84 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,146 What kind of parents would permit 85 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,732 such a lapse in scalpel hygiene? 86 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,317 You'd better check out his sister. 87 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,111 She could be rife with them bugs, too. 88 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,489 Keep away. 89 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,407 Hey, come on. 90 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,408 Those are prescription shoes. 91 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,160 I need them. 92 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,914 ALL: You have cooties, you have cooties. 93 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,208 No, I don't. 94 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:11,584 SKINNER (on PA): Lisa Simpson, report to the Principal's office 95 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,795 for head lice inspection. 96 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,381 (girls laughing) 97 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,174 Ow! 98 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,509 (garbled) My tongue. 99 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:20,635 Head's up. 100 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,933 Principal Skinner, I need some shoes. 101 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:28,643 Sweet Georgia Brown! 102 00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,270 Something is rotten at the Simpson house. 103 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,646 (touch tones) 104 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,447 (sighing) 105 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:45,034 This is so relaxing. 106 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,079 Homie, this was a wonderful idea. 107 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,039 (chuckling) Yeah. 108 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,375 If that mafia guy weren't staring at us 109 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,377 I'd take off my towel. 110 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,504 MAN: Oh, don't mind a-me. 111 00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,464 Look, I do it first. 112 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,637 Whoa. Would you look at this place? 113 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,265 Sink full of dirty dishes. Trash not taken out. 114 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,183 Living room a mess. 115 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,852 Stacks of old newspapers... 116 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,478 from 20 years ago! 117 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,980 MAN (on TV): Get ready, gamblers 118 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,190 for the World Series of Dog Racing. 119 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,151 (yowling) 120 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,321 What the-- (stammering) 121 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,698 Hm, a disheveled and malnourished man 122 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,575 found sleeping in his own filth. 123 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,201 Seems confused and dehydrated. 124 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,703 Where's the baby? 125 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:30,038 That's her, ain't it? 126 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,708 Kids love that water. 127 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,585 Oh, my Lord! 128 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,212 Stupid babies need the most attention. 129 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,881 WOMAN (speaking softly): All is well. 130 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,008 All is well... 131 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,010 MAN (speaking loudly): Turn tape over. 132 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,970 (tape rewinding) 133 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,893 WOMAN (speaking softly): All is well. All is well. 134 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,728 (both sighing) 135 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,651 Children, where are your parents? 136 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,028 I don't know. 137 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,654 They should be here. 138 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,907 Yes, they should... be here. 139 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,658 Tsk, tsk. 140 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,369 Those parents better have a good excuse. 141 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:10,703 (door opens) 142 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,539 I love getting away from this dump. 143 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,334 It's like I'm on some wonderful drug. 144 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,919 (clearing throat) 145 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,712 What's going on here? 146 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,255 Child Welfare, ma'am. 147 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,965 Here's a little bedtime reading. 148 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,342 Hmm? 149 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:27,220 "Squalid hell hole? 150 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:30,390 "Toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion. 151 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,934 Dogs mating on dining room table?" 152 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,310 (whimpers) 153 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,646 What are you doing with my children? 154 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,481 We're taking them where you can't get them. 155 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,983 What?! No, you can't! 156 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,610 I won't let you! 157 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:43,945 Mrs. Simpson, restrain yourself 158 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,988 or you'll be arrested. 159 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,246 (moaning) 160 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,248 Now just relax, kids. 161 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,875 All we're doing is taking you to... 162 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,628 (sinister tone) a Foster Home! 163 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:01,838 (both gasp) 164 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,468 -Yay! -Heydilly-ho. 165 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,762 Welcome to your new home, neglect-areenos. 166 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,559 Kids, meet your new foster family. 167 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,519 ROD & TODD: We love you! 168 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,271 Uh, please don't hug me. 169 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:20,398 It sickens me. 170 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,108 I don't judge Homer and Marge. 171 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,317 That's for a vengeful God to do. 172 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,111 Mm-hmm. All we want to do 173 00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:26,779 is give you kids a good home 174 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:27,822 until they get their act together. 175 00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,115 You don't understand. 176 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,409 Mom and Dad take good care of us. 177 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,536 That was a baby tooth. 178 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,622 It was loose! 179 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,374 Don't you worry, little girl. 180 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,418 We'll get you some nice county dentures. 181 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:50,178 "Parents are not to communicate with children 182 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:53,014 and must stay at least 100 feet away at all times." 183 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,016 We leave you the kids for three hours 184 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:56,684 and the county takes them away?! 185 00:07:56,767 --> 00:08:00,104 Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch. 186 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,482 I can't believe I put my own pleasure 187 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,233 ahead of my home and family. 188 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,235 That is so like me. 189 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,862 Oh, Marge, don't blame yourself. 190 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,864 I'm the terrible parent. 191 00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:11,991 The boy bugs the hell out of me. 192 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,118 I can't help Lisa with her homework. 193 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:17,705 The only thing I'm fit to take care of is a houseplant. 194 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,332 Lousy houseplant! 195 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:21,918 Oh, son of a-- I'll teach you to-- 196 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,461 (sputtering) 197 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,639 Go with it! 198 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,141 Here you go, Todd, the City Edition. 199 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,480 Bart, I don't know if this should be an extra. 200 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,941 Is your source on this reliable? 201 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,984 Oh, I hate this place. 202 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,070 Yeah, it seems like our house 203 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:51,781 but everything's got a creepy Pat Boone-ish quality to it. 204 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,408 Hey, kids, nachos, Flanders-style! 205 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,160 That's cucumbers with cottage cheese. 206 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,829 (sniffing) 207 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,540 (spitting) 208 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:03,334 Oh, Bart, I know you're still getting adjusted here. 209 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,919 Tell you what, 210 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,046 we'll do whatever you want to do. 211 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,506 Watch Itchy and Scratchy! 212 00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:11,259 Well, I guess a little television won't hurt. 213 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,511 I used to let the boys watch "My Three Sons" 214 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,471 but it got them all worked up before bedtime. 215 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,724 (blowing) 216 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,227 ♪ The Itchy & Scratchy show ♪ 217 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,401 (doorbell rings) 218 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,120 Ah... 219 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:43,124 (screaming) 220 00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,461 (evil laughter) 221 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,172 Why? Why? 222 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,884 Oh... my only son. 223 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,555 (laughing) 224 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,519 Daddy, what's the red stuff 225 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,563 coming out of kitty's ears? 226 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:08,566 Uh... that's just raspberry jam. 227 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,776 {\an8}Dad, should I poke Rod with a sharp thing 228 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,028 {\an8}like the mouse did? 229 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,531 No, son. No sirree, Bob. 230 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:19,910 Can you see them? 231 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,579 I can see Lisa... 232 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,623 but it might be a starfish. 233 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,374 I got to call them. 234 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,501 (touch tones) 235 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,879 WOMAN'S VOICE: The number you have dialed 236 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,756 can no longer be reached from this phone, 237 00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:32,840 you negligent monster. 238 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,635 -Oh... -That's it. 239 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,054 We're going downtown to get our kids back. 240 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,430 Right now! 241 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,351 We've always tried to be good parents. 242 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,604 Please. I'm begging you one mother to another. 243 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,230 You must have a family. 244 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,441 No. I don't care for children. 245 00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,401 Now, wait a minute! 246 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,904 Okay. I'm not gonna win Father of the Year. 247 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,657 In fact, I'm probably the last guy in the world 248 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,783 who should have kids... 249 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,660 Well... wait... 250 00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,453 Can I start again? 251 00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:04,622 Fathering children is the best part of my day. 252 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,540 I'd do anything for Bart and Lisa. 253 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,501 -And, uh, Margaret? -Who? 254 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,669 Lady, you got the wrong file. 255 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,253 It's Maggie. 256 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,089 Oh, Maggie. I got nothing against Maggie. 257 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,300 I can see you sincerely want your children back 258 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:19,136 but you have a lot to learn about being parents. 259 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,138 Before I can return your children, 260 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,390 you'll have to complete a course called 261 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,641 "Family Skills." 262 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,518 It teaches parents to listen to-- 263 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,187 -Communication. Gotcha. -But it's important to-- 264 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,939 -Listen, yes, I know-- -But there's more to it-- 265 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,148 I have listening skills. 266 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,525 Mr. Simpson would you please-- 267 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:33,776 Shut up, Judge! 268 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,945 Peek-a-boo. I see you. 269 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:36,946 (giggles) 270 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,198 Peek-a-boo. I see you. 271 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,828 I never heard Maggie laugh like that before. 272 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,162 Well, when was the last time 273 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,164 Dad gave her that kind of attention? 274 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,541 When she swallowed that quarter, 275 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:49,750 he spent all day with her. 276 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,043 I thought I could ride this thing out 277 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,086 but everything's just too weird here. 278 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,713 I know. 279 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,340 They put honey on pancakes instead of maple syrup. 280 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,801 And they read Newsweek instead of nothing. 281 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,386 C'mon you Gloomy-Gusses. 282 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,513 Who's up for a big bowl of non-fat ice milk? 283 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:04,098 I want wintergreen. 284 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,099 Unflavored for me. 285 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,855 And then I saw my boy in a burlap sack 286 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,232 and they told me he had lice. 287 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,276 This story going somewhere? 288 00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,777 All right, easy there, Flub. 289 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,154 We're all going to get a chance. 290 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,030 Mrs. Skinner, why are you here? 291 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,240 The county is threatening 292 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,117 to take my Seymour away. 293 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,413 We had another fight over the inflatable bath pillow. 294 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,207 I kept screeching and screeching at him but-- 295 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,252 Alright. Very good. Now who knows how the Skinners 296 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,212 could have resolved this problem? 297 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,381 Without resorting to violence... 298 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,341 or childish name-calling. 299 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,843 Anybody? 300 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,303 Okay, that's okay. 301 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,763 Because making a happy home 302 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,931 isn't like flipping on a light switch. 303 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,683 Duh, light switch? 304 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,226 There are a lot of little tricks to it. 305 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,811 Things you should have learned a long time ago. 306 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:54,648 Such as: if you leave milk out, it can go sour. 307 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,358 Put it in the refrigerator 308 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,153 or failing that, a cool, wet sack. 309 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,741 And put your garbage in a garbage can, people. 310 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,159 I can't stress that enough. 311 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,744 Don't just throw it out the window. 312 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,205 This is so humiliating. 313 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,207 "Garbage in garbage can." 314 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,792 Hmm, makes sense. 315 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,628 Nighty night, my sweet little foundling-a-dings. 316 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,213 But it's only 7:00. 317 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,632 Yeah, the sun is still out. 318 00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,801 (children chattering) 319 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,302 (both sighing) 320 00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:30,434 ♪ They say your folks can't pay the rent ♪ 321 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:34,438 ♪ So we're watching you by act of government ♪ 322 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:37,608 ♪ Well, I don't know if the allegations are true ♪ 323 00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:41,821 ♪ But you got us, and baby, we got you ♪ 324 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:46,200 BOTH: ♪ Babe, we got you, babe. ♪ 325 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:49,119 You know, Maggie hasn't been a Simpson as long as us. 326 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,831 I think she's beginning to forget Mom and Dad. 327 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,667 Remember how Mom used to microwave our underwear 328 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,210 on cold days? 329 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,003 Or the way Dad used to call the radio station 330 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,797 with fake traffic tips? 331 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,926 (both sighing) 332 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,261 They're ten feet away 333 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,971 and we can't even talk to them. 334 00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,723 I wish I could tell them how much I miss them. 335 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,443 It's so quiet here without the kids. 336 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,445 What I wouldn't give to hear Lisa play 337 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,739 another one of her jazzy tunes. 338 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,784 Saxa-ma-phone. 339 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,703 Saxa-ma-phone. 340 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:32,454 Aw... 341 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,498 I miss the way Bart would say something 342 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,542 and then say "dude." 343 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,669 I wish I knew something about the baby 344 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:39,837 I could miss now. 345 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,131 -You mean Maggie? -That's it. 346 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:45,175 We've never been separated from the kids for so long. 347 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:46,468 I don't know how much more I can take. 348 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,304 (rapid doorbell ringing) 349 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,805 BOTH: That's Bart's ring! 350 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,485 "Todd smells." 351 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,195 Aw, I already knew that. 352 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,655 Look at the other side. 353 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,537 (both sighing) 354 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,459 Okay let's see if we've learned anything. 355 00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:22,463 I want you two to simulate a typical household problem. Go. 356 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:25,925 Pa, I cut myself on the screen door again. 357 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,676 Why you cotton-pickin'--! 358 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,677 (growling) 359 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,095 (gagging) 360 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:39,188 No, I got to pass this class for my kids. 361 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,441 Son, let's stop the fussin' and a-feudin'. 362 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:44,360 I love you, Pa. 363 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,278 I love you, Cletus. 364 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,238 (laughing and crying) 365 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:51,158 (cheering, applause) 366 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,285 (gunshots) 367 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,037 Well, children, it's Saturday night 368 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,123 so what say we let our hair down and play Bombardment-- 369 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,500 -Yay! -Yay! 370 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,210 Of Bible Questions? 371 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,544 -Yay! -Yay! 372 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,796 Which version shall it be? 373 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:04,922 St. James. 374 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,298 The Vulgate of St. Jerome. 375 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:08,968 Vulgate it is. 376 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,178 -Oh... -Okay, for one gold star, 377 00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:14,682 what Persian king exempted the Levites from taxation? 378 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,684 -Ataxerxes. -Righty-o! 379 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:20,896 (cough) 380 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,486 -NED: Well? -I know! 381 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:30,197 No, son, we got to let Bart and Lisa get one. 382 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,740 Come on, this one's easy. 383 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:34,910 We give up. 384 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,453 Well, guess. 385 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,288 Book of Revelations... fire-breathing lion's head. 386 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,415 Tail made out of snakes. 387 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,749 Who else is it gonna be? 388 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,126 Jesus? 389 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,379 Je-- Jes-- 390 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,131 Don't you kids know anything? 391 00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:49,049 The Serpent of Rehaboam? 392 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,260 The Well of Zohassadar? 393 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:54,221 The Bridal Feast of Beth Chadruharazzeb? 394 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,974 That's the kind of thing you should start learning at baptism. 395 00:16:57,057 --> 00:17:00,144 Um, actually, you see... 396 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,770 we were never baptized. 397 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:02,813 (gasping) 398 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,023 (moaning) 399 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,776 Oh, Neddie! Neddie! 400 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,028 Neddie! 401 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:12,698 No, that ain't gonna do it. 402 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,658 (moaning) 403 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,368 I'm very proud of you people. 404 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,619 You've learned how to care for your children, 405 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,996 how to maintain your homes, 406 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,165 and you've all passed the drug test. 407 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,541 Except for Marge. 408 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,626 Marge, you tested positive for crack and P.C.P. 409 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,462 Oh, my! 410 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,589 {\an8}Okay, the re-test says you're clean. 411 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:29,798 {\an8}Sorry about the mistake. 412 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,593 The only thing I'm high on is love. 413 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,637 Love for my son and daughters. 414 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:39,099 Yes, a little L.S.D. is all I need. 415 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,560 All right, sounds very good. 416 00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,479 (laughter and gunshots) 417 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:47,900 Jeepers H. Crackers. 418 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:48,984 I'd better call the reverend. 419 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,198 Ned Flanders is on the phone. 420 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,742 Hello, Ned. 421 00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,118 Reverend, emergency. 422 00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,453 I-- It's the Simpson kids. 423 00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:01,330 Eedily... baptism... 424 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,332 oodily... doodily, doodily! 425 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,000 Ned, have you thought 426 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,585 about one of the other major religions? 427 00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,546 They're all pretty much the same. 428 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,215 (crash) 429 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,258 Oh... damn Flanders. 430 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,763 Looks like I'm gonna have to baptize you myself. 431 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:23,602 (air horn blares "Hallelujah Chorus") 432 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,772 Kids, we're good parents now. 433 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,190 Get your asses out here! 434 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,900 We missed you so much. 435 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,235 (gasps) 436 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,490 He's going to baptize our children? 437 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:37,991 Oh, no! 438 00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,536 In the eyes of God, they'll be Flanderseseses. 439 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:43,455 Until this I never thought Homer and Marge were bad parents 440 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,040 but now I know you kids need 441 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,750 a less hell-bound family. 442 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,043 Just sit back 443 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,294 and before you know it, 444 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,630 you'll be part of the Flanders flock. 445 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:52,798 (laughs) 446 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:54,716 You're gonna be Lisa Flanders. 447 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,301 You're going to be Bart Flanders. 448 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,344 Ah! 449 00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:59,138 Oh, relax, Bart. 450 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,848 Your sister Maggie isn't scared. 451 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,766 That's because she can't talk. 452 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,812 Daddily-doodily. 453 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,025 Where are we going? Where are we going? 454 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,735 Okay, okay. Don't panic. 455 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,197 To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders. 456 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,991 HOMER'S BRAIN: I'm a big four-eyed lame-o 457 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:21,201 and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday and-- 458 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,536 The Springfield River! 459 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,040 ♪ ...I once was lost ♪ 460 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,918 ♪ But now am found ♪ 461 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:36,925 ♪ Was blind, but now I see ♪ 462 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,719 Today we write a new page 463 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,554 in the Flanders family bible. 464 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,269 Who wants to be the first to enter God's good graces? 465 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,355 Easy, easy. 466 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:51,356 (approaching car) 467 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,944 Oh, why do You hate my trains? 468 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:00,949 (tires screeching) 469 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,163 (roaring) 470 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,123 (grunting) 471 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,836 (yelling) 472 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,755 Son of a-- 473 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,424 (gasps) 474 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:18,842 Do you reject Satan 475 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,844 and all his empty promises? 476 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:26,600 (in slow motion) No! 477 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,395 (sizzling) 478 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,357 (pained yell) 479 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,661 Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. 480 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,329 How do you feel? 481 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,249 Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo 482 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,793 after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan. 483 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:55,128 Wait, Homer-- What did you just say? 484 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:57,047 I said shut your ugly face, Flanders! 485 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,423 Oh. Fair enough. 486 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,842 Oh. There's my sweet little Maggie. 487 00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:27,119 Oh, Maggie, you're a Simpson again. 488 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,120 (belches) 489 00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:38,463 So, what was it like at the Flanders' house? 490 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:39,840 Yeah, give me all the dirt. 491 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:42,801 {\an8}Let's see... dirt... dirt. 492 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,261 {\an8}Well, there wasn't really much dirt. 493 00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,263 There was a bunch of old paint cans 494 00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:47,347 in the garage, though. 495 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,349 (Homer laughs) 496 00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:51,268 Old painty-can Ned! 497 00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,937 (all laugh) 498 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,273 HOMER: I always knew he'd keep his old cans of paint! 499 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,900 BART: Yeah! 500 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,027 MARGE: How do you like that? 501 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,030 ♪♪ 502 00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,527 Shh! 503 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:48,909 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.