1 00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,380 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,510 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,724 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,101 -(screams) -(tires screech) 5 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,492 {\an8}(pounding on door) 6 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,369 {\an8}Come on, Simpson, open up. 7 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,620 {\an8}We know you're in there. 8 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,376 {\an8}(water dripping) 9 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,463 {\an8}Hmm... That one. 10 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,756 {\an8}Someone's in here. 11 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,716 {\an8}(crying) 12 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:50,800 {\an8}No! 13 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,260 {\an8}No! 14 00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,929 {\an8}Oh, for the love of... 15 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,222 {\an8}Boy, I've never seen 16 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,474 {\an8}a man so desperate to get out 17 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,975 {\an8}of five minutes of calisthenics. 18 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,019 {\an8}One, two, three, four. 19 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,313 {\an8}Up, down, three, four. 20 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,981 {\an8}Up, down, three, four. 21 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,275 {\an8}This new exercise program is great. 22 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,153 {\an8}Yeah. Every muscle in my body's getting a workout. 23 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,322 {\an8}Especially my big, fat mouth. 24 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,656 {\an8}Yeah. Especially your big, fat... 25 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:14,908 {\an8}Oh, wait. 26 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,285 {\an8}Raise your right hock. Aerate. 27 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,287 {\an8}Raise your left hock. Aerate. 28 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,081 {\an8}I want to see more Teddy Roosevelts 29 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,624 {\an8}and less Franklin Roosevelts. 30 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,043 {\an8}(groaning) 31 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,252 {\an8}...Two. 32 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,171 {\an8}Actually, homer, that's just one. 33 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,255 {\an8}See, each pushup includes 34 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,841 {\an8}both an up part and a down part. 35 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,384 D'oh! 36 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,386 Hey, where's Charlie? 37 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,888 How did he get out of this? 38 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,223 He's at home on disability. 39 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:40,016 Yeah, he got injured on the job. 40 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,601 They sent him home with pay. 41 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:44,312 It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity. 42 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,439 Stupidity, eh? 43 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,233 Must hurt self. 44 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:52,070 Must hurt self. Must hurt self. 45 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,075 D'oh! 46 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,080 Hmm, probably better that didn't hit me. 47 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,755 (electircity hums) 48 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,094 -Yes? -Hello. 49 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,929 May I help you? 50 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,015 Uh... Could you give me a little push 51 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,100 in the opposite direction? 52 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,935 Okay. 53 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,147 Thank you. 54 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,065 "Carpal tunnel syndrome"? 55 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,066 No. 56 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,110 "Lumber lung"? No. 57 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,778 "Juggler's despair"? No. 58 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,531 "Achy-breaky pelvis"? No. 59 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,116 I'm never going to be disabled. 60 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,743 I'm sick of being so healthy. 61 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:41,995 Hey, wait. 62 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,747 "Hyper-obesity. 63 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,292 "If you weigh more than 300 pounds, 64 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:50,003 you qualify as disabled." 65 00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,130 (fanfare plays) 66 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,720 You can do it, old boy. 67 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:00,388 Yes, I can. 68 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,268 Yes, yes. That's the spirit. 69 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,899 If you gain 61 pounds, they'll let you work at home? 70 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,650 Uh-huh. That's the deal. 71 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,152 No more exercise program. 72 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,528 No more traffic. 73 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,780 No more blood drives or charity walks. 74 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,116 Dad, I know we don't do a lot together 75 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,202 but helping you gain 61 pounds 76 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,912 is something I want to be a part of. 77 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,413 -Dad! -(screams) 78 00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:26,873 I must protest. 79 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:27,957 You're abusing a program 80 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,584 intended to help the unfortunate. 81 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,712 I'm not saying it isn't sleazy, honey, 82 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,547 but try to see it my way. 83 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,424 All my life, I've been an obese man 84 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:37,926 trapped inside a fat man's body. 85 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,677 Have you told Mom about this? 86 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,638 No, it would only worry her. 87 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,598 If you want to add to her worries, go ahead. 88 00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:45,099 I guess I'm just a little more grateful 89 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,267 for all she's done for us. 90 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,186 -Dad! -Yes, sweetheart? 91 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,104 Obesity is really unhealthy. 92 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,814 Any doctor will tell you that. 93 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,108 Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that, 94 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,193 little miss smart guy. 95 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,444 (gasps) 96 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,404 My God, that's monstrous. 97 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,615 I've never heard of anything so negligent. 98 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:03,451 I'll have no part of it. 99 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,828 Can you recommend a doctor who will? 100 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:06,871 Yes. 101 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,706 Hi, everybody. 102 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,500 BOTH: Hi, Dr. Nick. 103 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,086 Now, there are many options available 104 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,881 for dangerously underweight individuals like yourself. 105 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:21,177 I recommend a slow, steady gorging process 106 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,680 combined with assal horizontology. 107 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,431 Of course. 108 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,601 You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups 109 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:32,272 such as the whipped group, the congealed group 110 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,898 and the choc-o-tastic. 111 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,276 What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor? 112 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,986 Be creative. 113 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,281 Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop-Tarts. 114 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,491 Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon. 115 00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:46,202 You could brush your teeth with milk shakes. 116 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,996 Hey, did you go 117 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,164 to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too? 118 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,710 And remember, if you're not sure about something, 119 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,004 rub it against a piece of paper. 120 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,214 If the paper turns clear, 121 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,258 it's your window to weight gain. 122 00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,260 Bye-bye, everybody. 123 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,307 Oh, it's a dream come true, boy. 124 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,725 I can, nay, I must 125 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,727 eat everything I've always wanted. 126 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,729 Now come on. 127 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,315 Every second I'm out of bed, I'm burning precious calories. 128 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,399 Now get grabbing. 129 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,872 Eat around the banana, Dad. 130 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,290 It's just empty vitamins. 131 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,930 Lucky for you, this stuff doesn't work. 132 00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,229 I don't know. 133 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,773 Fish sandwich. 134 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,857 Are you sure? 135 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,323 Oh! 136 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,242 225? That means I lost weight. 137 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,577 (clears throat) 138 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,330 Homer, you're on the towel rack. 139 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,376 Woo-hoo! 140 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,045 Four more pounds, and my dream comes true. 141 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,214 Working at home. 142 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,221 Here's your lemonade 143 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,847 and here's your beer. 144 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:33,643 Oh, you're such a vigorous young go-getter. 145 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,937 When's your next coffee break? 146 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,730 Anytime I want. 147 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,898 (tiger growl) 148 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,195 (tango music playing) 149 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,741 Oh. 150 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,119 Hey, Flanders, bad day at the rat races? 151 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,413 Yeah, a crazy guy shot a bunch of people 152 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,081 and the subway ran over my hat. 153 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,671 Hey, Lise, come look at this. 154 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:02,713 Neat. 155 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,056 -Hello, honey. -Hi. 156 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,435 Um... There's something I've been meaning to ask you. 157 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,812 Did you put on a little weight this week? 158 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,313 I was going to surprise you, 159 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,815 but what the heck. 160 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,943 Honey, I'm purposely gaining 61 pounds 161 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,319 to get on disability. 162 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,446 (gasps) 163 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,281 Have you lost your mind? 164 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,116 Have you thought about your health 165 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:31,451 or your appearance? 166 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,244 Oh, so, that's it, isn't it, Marge? 167 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,620 Looks. 168 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,038 I didn't know you were so shallow. 169 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,832 Oh, please. 170 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,459 I would love you if you weighed 1,000 pounds, but... 171 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:40,460 Beautiful. Good night. 172 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,880 Oh. 173 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,381 I've got 15 minutes to gain a pound 174 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,133 or I've got to face another day at work. 175 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,759 Bad news, Dad. We're out of food. 176 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,887 We're even out of the basic elements of food. 177 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,473 You ate all the tarragon and you drank the soy sauce. 178 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,974 I need a miracle. 179 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,985 Ah, honey, that looks just like a real doughnut. 180 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,155 Dad, it says "Non-toxic." 181 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,324 Well, that's a plus. 182 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,497 Woo hoo-hoo-hoo! 183 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,706 I did it! 184 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,209 Uh, Dad, towel rack. 185 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,963 (chuckling) 186 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,215 Oh, my. 187 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,345 (Mr. Burns clearing throat) 188 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,389 I'm pleased to dedicate this remote work terminal. 189 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,517 It will allow our safety inspector here 190 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,393 to preform his duties from home. 191 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,438 And so, excelsior to you, mister... 192 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,482 What's the name of this gastropod? 193 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:47,318 Simpson, sir. One of your chair-moisteners from sector 7-G. 194 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,319 Yes. 195 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,320 Simpson. 196 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,158 Thank you for your pity. 197 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,535 Mom, are you ever planning 198 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,204 to step in and put a stop to this? 199 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,539 Normally, your father's crackpot schemes 200 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,706 fizzle out as soon as 201 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,375 he finds something good on TV 202 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,669 but this season, uh... 203 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,767 I'm looking for something loose and billowy 204 00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,894 something comfortable for my first day of work. 205 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,563 Work, huh? Let me guess. 206 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,772 Computer programmer? 207 00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,524 Computer magazine columnist? 208 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,775 Something with computers. 209 00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:28,818 Well, I use a computer. 210 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,111 What's the connection? 211 00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,571 Must be the non-stop sitting and snacking. 212 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:35,449 Well, sir, many of our clients find pants confining 213 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,535 so we offer a range of alternatives 214 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,997 for the ample gentleman-- Ponchos, muu-muus, capes 215 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,499 jumpsuits, uni-sheets, muslin body rolls 216 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,459 academic and judicial robes. 217 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,378 I don't want to look like a weirdo. 218 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,421 I'll just go with a muu-muu. 219 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,555 (alarm ringing) 220 00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,557 ANNOUNCER: Arnie Pie-in-the-sky with the morning commute! 221 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,434 Traffic this morning is as bad as it gets. 222 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,603 Due to a fire at the army testing lab 223 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:04,979 a bunch of escaped infected monkeys 224 00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,939 are roaming the expressway! 225 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,775 Despite the sweltering heat, don't unroll your windows 226 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:10,985 'cause those monkeys 227 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,653 seem confused and irritable. 228 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,196 Hee hee hee! 229 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,866 I pity those poor suckers on the freeway. 230 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,827 Gas, brake, honk. Gas, brake, honk. 231 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,621 Honk, honk, punch. 232 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,913 Gas, gas, gas. 233 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:32,298 8:58. First time I've ever been early for work 234 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,800 except for all those daylight savings days. 235 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,177 Lousy farmers. 236 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:39,305 "To start, press any key." 237 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,514 Where's the "Any" Key? 238 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,016 I see "Esc... " 239 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,267 "Ctrl... " 240 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,560 And "Pg-up" 241 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,313 There doesn't seem to be any "Any" Key. 242 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,149 Whew! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. 243 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,567 I think I'll order a Tab. 244 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,862 Whoop! No time for that now. 245 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,030 The computer's starting. 246 00:10:56,113 --> 00:11:00,534 "Check core temperature. Yes / no." 247 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,911 Yes. 248 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,538 "Core temperature normal." 249 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,623 Not too shabby. 250 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,834 "Vent radioactive gas?" 251 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,670 N-o. 252 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,506 "Venting prevents ex-plos-ion." 253 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,299 (chuckling) 254 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,510 Ooh, this is hard. Where's my Tab? 255 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,220 Okay, then, yes. 256 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,388 Vent the stupid gas. 257 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,146 Ah, no! 258 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,690 The corn! 259 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,818 Paul Newman's going to have my legs broke. 260 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,112 ♪ Bart and Lisa have to go to school ♪ 261 00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,114 ♪ While I get to stay home ♪ 262 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,281 ♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah ♪ 263 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,700 I like school. 264 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:41,701 Why don't you live with it, then? 265 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,369 I would if I could. 266 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:44,870 Not me, sister. 267 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,289 When I grow up, I'm going to be a lardo 268 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,000 on workman's comp, just like Dad. 269 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,465 I wash myself with a rag on a stick. 270 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,263 (guttural laughter) 271 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,264 Whoo, whoo, whoo... 272 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,306 Yeow! 273 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,641 Mom? 274 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,184 This whole thing is really creepy. 275 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,894 Are you sure you won't talk to Dad? 276 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,189 I'd like to, honey, but I'm not sure how. 277 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,692 Your father can be surprisingly sensitive. 278 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,902 Remember when I giggled at his Sherlock Holmes hat? 279 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,112 He sulked for a week 280 00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,905 and then closed his detective agency. 281 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,782 Maybe you'll have to hurt his feelings. 282 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,617 The longer he lives like this, the harder 283 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,077 it'll be to go back. 284 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,705 Hmm, you're right. 285 00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:31,000 Hmm! Maybe if I use my least-nagging tone of voice. 286 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,585 (softly) Homer? 287 00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:33,586 Hmm. 288 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:34,628 (sharply) Homer?! 289 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,796 (sternly) Homer? 290 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,797 That's it. That's the one. 291 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:37,757 Send him on in. 292 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,301 Dad? 293 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,552 Yes, honey? 294 00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,846 Hmm. Mom just baked a cake. 295 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:44,847 Ooh! 296 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,643 Homer, we need to have a serious talk. 297 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,729 You dragged me all the way from work for that? 298 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:55,232 Let's quietly and calmly discuss the pros and cons 299 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,777 of your controversial plan, shall we? 300 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,028 I-- 301 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,613 Con: You're endangering your health. 302 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,157 Pro: I'm drought and famine-resistant. 303 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,785 Con: You're setting a bad example for the children. 304 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,787 Pro: I don't have to go to work. 305 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,997 Con: You're running the air conditioner non-stop. 306 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,207 It's freezing in here. 307 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,375 Pro: Uh... 308 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,586 Uh... I love you? 309 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,839 Con: I'm finding myself 310 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,091 less attracted to you physically. 311 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,139 Marge, this is everything I've ever dreamed of right here 312 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,683 and nobody's going to take it away from me. 313 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,811 You never had faith in me before 314 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:36,816 but let me tell you, the slim, lazy homer you knew is dead. 315 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,401 Now I'm a big, fat dynamo 316 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,529 and where's that cake?! 317 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,655 There's no cake. 318 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:43,656 Oh. 319 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,827 "Vent radioactive gas?" 320 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,411 Y-e-s. 321 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,455 "Sound alertness horn?" 322 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,498 Y-e-s. 323 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:53,666 (horn blowing) 324 00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,709 "Decalcify calcium ducts?" 325 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,837 Well, give me a word. 326 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,964 Give me a... Hey. 327 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,675 All I have to type is "Y." 328 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:05,469 Hey, miss doesn't-find-me- attractive-sexually-anymore 329 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,514 I just tripled my productivity. 330 00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,266 Good. Good for you. 331 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,851 "Y." "Y". 332 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,228 Let's see, so many letters to choose from. 333 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,688 I'll pick "Y." 334 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,858 "Y." "Y." 335 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,735 What? What the heck are you doing over there? 336 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,862 (groaning) 337 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:23,821 There. You found the floor. 338 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,699 "Y, y, y, y." 339 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,784 "Y, y... " 340 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:29,827 I'm going out. 341 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,871 I run errands during the day. 342 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,497 Could you pick me up a lemonade and a beer? 343 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:34,707 (door slamming) 344 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,380 (mail slot clatters) 345 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,340 The mail. The mail is here! 346 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:47,720 Ooh! "An urgent plea from Edward James Olmos." 347 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,222 "Lisa Simpson, can you afford to miss 348 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,516 another issue of the Utne Reader?" 349 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,936 Kids. 350 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,188 Free sample of fabric softener? 351 00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,148 Woo-hoo! 352 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,736 (dryer buzzes) 353 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:06,739 Mmm. 354 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,199 I can feel three kinds of softness. 355 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,243 Dad, what are you doing down there? 356 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,371 Washing my fat-guy hat, honey. 357 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,791 ANNOUNCER: We now return to search for the sun. 358 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,252 According to daddy's will, 359 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:23,547 I inherit the entire plantation. 360 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,675 I'll see to it you don't get apricot one. 361 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,885 (computer beeps) 362 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,351 Uh, what's your Dad's job again? 363 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,145 He's a nuclear safety technician. 364 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,606 What's he doing with that broom? 365 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,650 Uh, what isn't he doing? 366 00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,528 I heard that guy's ass has its own congressman. 367 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,155 (guffawing) 368 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,407 Hey, leave my dad alone. 369 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,785 Just because he's overweight doesn't mean he's bad. 370 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:56,121 He's a sweet man, and he has real feelings. 371 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,247 Hey, what are you kids looking at? 372 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,582 Hey, look. 373 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,376 He's trying to get up to yell at us. 374 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,294 Don't make me close that shade. 375 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,338 (groaning) 376 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,258 Hey, Homer, you promised Mom 377 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,635 you wouldn't wear your dress outside. 378 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:12,304 Nuts to that. I'm going to the movies. 379 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,597 Shouldn't you be working? 380 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:14,848 I got someone to cover for me. 381 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,143 (beeps) 382 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,107 One for honk, please. 383 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,484 Oh, gee, uh, just a minute. 384 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,736 I have to check with the manager. 385 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:32,116 That overweight guy wants to see the movie. 386 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:34,702 I'm terribly sorry, sir 387 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,036 but I'm afraid our facilities 388 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,496 are not equipped to meet your needs. 389 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,415 What are you talking about? 390 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,375 What I'm saying, sir, is that a man of your carriage 391 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,127 couldn't possibly fit in our seats. 392 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,712 I could sit in the aisle. 393 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,922 I'm afraid that would violate the fire code. 394 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,675 MAN: Hey, fatty, I got a movie for you-- 395 00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,552 A Fridge Too Far. 396 00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:52,970 (laughing) 397 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,681 Shame on all of you. 398 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,474 Give me my dignity. 399 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,935 I just came here to see "Honk if You're Horny" in peace. 400 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,020 Sir, if you just quiet down, 401 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,104 I'd be happy to treat you 402 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,023 to a garbage bag full of popcorn. 403 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:08,235 This may surprise you, but you can't buy me off with food. 404 00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:10,863 I'm sick of all your stereotypes and cheap jokes. 405 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,906 The overweight individuals in this country 406 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,075 are just as smart and talented 407 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,744 and hardworking as everybody else 408 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,704 and they're going to make their voices heard. 409 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:20,372 All they need is a leader. 410 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,249 Huh! 411 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,293 I'll work harder than ever before and show the world 412 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,669 overweight people aren't 413 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:28,714 undisciplined, lazy and irresponsible. 414 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:29,965 What happened to my bird? 415 00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,846 Oh. Marge? 416 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,681 Lisa? 417 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,308 Flanders? 418 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,482 "Explosion imminent"! 419 00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,650 Oh, my God! 420 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,360 The plant's going to explode! 421 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,780 (metal rattling and groaning) 422 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:55,324 Hey, that thing's going kah-kah koo-koo. 423 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,950 Who cares? It's Homer's problem. 424 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,285 Wait. I know. 425 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,162 "Vent gas." 426 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,789 "Pressure too high"? 427 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,123 Oh! 428 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,917 "Tank must be shut down manually"?! 429 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,919 Oh, stupid bird! 430 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,171 I never should have put you in charge. 431 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,130 Why, you-- 432 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,591 Oh, who am I kidding? 433 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,093 It's all my fault. 434 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,137 I got to call the plant and warn them. 435 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,685 OPERATOR: The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. 436 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,521 To obtain a special dialing wand 437 00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:28,148 please mash the keypad with your palm now. 438 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,775 (shrill shriek) 439 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,151 (labored breathing) 440 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,861 I'm going to have to shut it down myself. 441 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,905 Fat don't fail me now! 442 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,073 D'oh! 443 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,367 Oh! 444 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,374 Hey, buddy, you gonna slow your car down and let me in 445 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:46,959 because I'm a big, fat guy and I can't go anywhere 446 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,418 because there's going to be some poison gas. 447 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,003 I mean it's gonna be really poisonous! 448 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,047 Everybody's going to be dead, especially me! 449 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,843 The ice cream man! 450 00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,388 Hey, buddy, you got to let me in your car! 451 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,348 T-take anything you want, man, take it all! 452 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:02,558 (babbling) 453 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,812 Push out the jive. 454 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,313 Bring in the love. 455 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,653 I heard your dad went into a restaurant 456 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,405 and ate everything in the restaurant 457 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,407 and they had to close the restaurant. 458 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,576 Hey! My dad may have gained a little weight 459 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,537 but he's not some kind of food-crazed maniac! 460 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,290 Oh, that's raspberry. 461 00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,833 (groans) Oh! 462 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,380 -Ice cream! -Ice cream! 463 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,716 Workers, please. There will be time 464 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,176 for the frozen pudding wagon later. 465 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,220 You still owe me ten more Iroquois twists. 466 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,514 ♪ Ten, hi-yi-ya ♪ 467 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:45,475 ♪ And nine, hi-yi-ya ♪ 468 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,354 Get away, damn it! 469 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,522 Run for your lives! 470 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,815 I'll take a rocket pop! 471 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,483 What can I get for 30 cents? 472 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,484 Let go! 473 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,403 I got to get to the tank! 474 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,493 Heck, I can't decide without the pictures. 475 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,454 ♪ Six, hi-yi-ya ♪ 476 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,502 ♪ Four, hi-yi-ya ♪ 477 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,547 Whoa-oh! 478 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,178 ♪ Three, hi-yi-ya ♪ 479 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,475 (whimpering) 480 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,103 ♪ Two, hi-yi-ya ♪ 481 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,146 (screams) 482 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:36,526 Stupid switch! 483 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,237 I wish I had my reaching broom. 484 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,280 ♪ One, hi-yi-ya ♪ 485 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,868 Wait a minute. 486 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,287 There's probably a... 487 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,622 (screams) 488 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,212 Homer, your bravery and quick thinking 489 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,589 have turned a potential Chernobyl 490 00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,633 into a mere Three-Mile Island. 491 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,510 Bravo! 492 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,681 I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day 493 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,350 while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death. 494 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,727 And I think it's ironic that, for once, Dad's butt 495 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:11,895 prevented the release of toxic gas. 496 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:12,980 Bart! 497 00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,731 We'll have you out of there 498 00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,109 as soon as our tech boys get you decontaminated. 499 00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,945 (laughs) Thank you, Mr. Burns. 500 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,905 It was pretty scary up there... 501 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,532 (laughs) 502 00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:25,617 For a while, I feared for my life! 503 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:27,411 (laughing hysterically) 504 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,996 Oh! Stop! 505 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,248 Now, Homer, if there's anything else 506 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:34,167 I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. 507 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:42,801 Mr. Burns, can you make me thin again? 508 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,511 I guarantee it. 509 00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:46,847 One. 510 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:48,849 One. 511 00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,350 One! 512 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:53,186 Bah! I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction. 513 00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:54,438 Woo-hoo! 514 00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:56,523 ♪♪ 515 00:22:01,069 --> 00:22:03,155 ♪♪ 516 00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,611 Shh! 517 00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:48,950 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.