1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,880 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,219 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,595 (tires screech) 4 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,640 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,226 -Aah! -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,936 (liquid bubbling) 7 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,243 {\an8}I'd like to thank everybody 8 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:38,079 {\an8}who contributed to Krusty's Kanned Food Drive. 9 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:41,041 {\an8}Your generous donations have made this 10 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:45,754 {\an8}our slipperiest, slimiest slobstacle course ever! 11 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,338 {\an8}(chuckles) 12 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,841 {\an8}Our contestants will drop out of my nose 13 00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,469 {\an8}and blurp into a tub of refried beans. 14 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,639 {\an8}From there, they'll stumble down 15 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,142 {\an8}a sluice of rich, eggy béarnaise sauce. 16 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,268 {\an8}How can we afford it? 17 00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,896 {\an8}It's rancid! 18 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,899 {\an8}And at the finish line-- a scrumptious parfait 19 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,735 {\an8}of pudding, pickle brine and detergent, 20 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:11,404 {\an8}where a writhing pile of kids will grope blindly 21 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,990 {\an8}for hot dogs. 22 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,117 {\an8}Krusty, please, it burns! 23 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,453 (laughing) 24 00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,456 Just think Lis, that's our pickle brine burning Sideshow Mel. 25 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:24,209 That Sideshow Mel thinks he's so big. 26 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,419 Whatever happened to Sideshow Bob? 27 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,088 Don't you remember, Dad? 28 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,923 He framed Krusty. 29 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,883 He tried to kill Aunt Selma. 30 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,802 He rigged an election. 31 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,845 BART: And he tried to murder me. 32 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,806 Oh, yeah. 33 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:41,101 But what I'll mainly remember is the laughter. 34 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,352 I wonder what he's doing now. 35 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:47,148 Ah, Westminster Abbey. 36 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:50,318 Edward the Confessor himself could not have done better. 37 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:54,155 Now to set the clocks to Greenwich mean time. 38 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,824 (laughter) 39 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:56,825 (gasps) 40 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,785 My dear Abbey! 41 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:05,959 ♪ This is the way we mop the floor, mop the floor... ♪ 42 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:10,255 Oh, must you bray night and day at that infernal television? 43 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,673 Oh, look who's talking. 44 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,300 Yeah, Bob. You used to be on this show. 45 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,844 Don't remind me. 46 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,304 My foolish capering destroyed more young minds 47 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:21,307 than syphilis and pinball combined. 48 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,811 Oh, how I loathe that box. 49 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,772 That omnidirectional sludge pump 50 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,232 droning and burping its... 51 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,775 Look here. That's enough now. 52 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,610 I own 60% of that network. 53 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,028 All right, break it up, boys. 54 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,281 It's time for work detail. 55 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,950 I suppose you don't like tabloid newspapers either. 56 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:48,334 There, that's the last condom wrapper. 57 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,461 (jet engine roars) 58 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,131 Ohh. 59 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:56,926 I renew my objection to this pointless endeavor... 60 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,511 informally now and by affidavit later... 61 00:02:58,595 --> 00:02:59,554 time permitting. 62 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,055 Shut your word hole. 63 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,224 We got to get this place clean for the air show. 64 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,893 Air show? 65 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,687 Buzz-cut Alabamians spewing colored smoke 66 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,731 from their whiz jets to the strains 67 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,858 of "Rock You Like a Hurricane"? 68 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:15,862 What kind of country-fried rube is still impressed by that? 69 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,322 -Wow! -Ooh! 70 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:20,366 -That looks so cool! -Yeah. 71 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,868 (sadly) Yeah. 72 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,037 I want to meet the first female stealth bomber pilot. 73 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,914 During the Gulf War, she destroyed 70 mosques 74 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,957 and her name is Lisa, too. 75 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,336 I want to see some birds get sucked into the engines. Rare ones. 76 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,379 This year I'm making ear plugs out of biscuit dough. 77 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:34,380 (bell dings) 78 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,216 They're ready. 79 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,637 So weary. 80 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,141 (yawning) 81 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,853 GIRL (on TV): Grandma, this is 82 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,104 my friend Craig. 83 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,856 (laughter) 84 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,608 GRANDMA: Friend? 85 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,109 You mean you two aren't knocking boots? 86 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,694 (laughter) 87 00:03:56,778 --> 00:04:00,156 Ever do the backseat mambo, Craigy? 88 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,158 I know that voice. 89 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:06,162 TV's bottomless chum bucket has claimed Vanessa Redgrave. 90 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,290 GRANDMA: Now I'm going to haul ass to Lollapalooza! 91 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,167 (laughter) 92 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,002 -(motorcycle engine revving) -Yee-ha! 93 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,712 Farewell, dear 'Nessa. 94 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,340 (20th Century Fox musical fanfare theme) 95 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:27,725 Hey, you! The state's not paying you five cents an hour to stand around. 96 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,144 -Now, get busy. -Oh, I'll get busy. 97 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,980 I'll get very busy, indeed. 98 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,315 (diabolical laughter) 99 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:39,070 (chuckles) 100 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,155 You still got it, Bob. 101 00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,326 Way to guard the parking lot, Top Gun. 102 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,203 I have three medals for this. 103 00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:52,125 Hey, where is Sideshow Bob 104 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,252 and that guy who eats people and takes their faces? 105 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,878 I'm right here, Chief. 106 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,547 Oh. Then where's Sideshow Bob? 107 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,965 Uh, he ran off. 108 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,883 Oh, great. 109 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,386 Well, if anyone asks, uh... 110 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,138 I beat him to death, okay? 111 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:06,139 Right. 112 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,981 At this point in time, I would like to 113 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,733 direct your attention to the particular air vehicle 114 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,443 next to which I am currently standing. 115 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,486 The Harrier jet is our more dollar-intensive 116 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,196 ordinance delivery vectors. 117 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,364 Five tires? 118 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,657 Am I seeing things? 119 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,242 And although it looks complicated, 120 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,368 it is so well-designed 121 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,786 even a child could fly it. 122 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,038 Can I fly it? 123 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,122 Of course you can not. 124 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,084 (gasps) 125 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,294 Free Duff! 126 00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,046 Viva life! 127 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,090 Ahh. 128 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,137 -(register dings) -(whimpers) 129 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,015 Heh-heh-heh-heh. 130 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,560 (Milhouse imitating machine gun) 131 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,897 Take that, Mom! 132 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,231 Take that, Dad! 133 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,901 Send me to a psychiatrist, will you? 134 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:02,945 (imitating machine gun) Take that, Dr. Sally Waxler! 135 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,614 (grunting) 136 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,115 (whooshing) 137 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,828 Uh, Colonel, they're 138 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,580 expecting you at the podium in ten minutes. 139 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,625 (muttering) 140 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,259 (whistling) 141 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,220 Hmm. 142 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,808 What in the World According to Garp? 143 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,309 Those are my dress towels! 144 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,146 Who's in my private washroom? 145 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,189 McGuckett? 146 00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,565 Let me in. 147 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,901 -The door already is closed. -What? 148 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,737 This is Colonel Leslie "Hap" Hapablap. 149 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,572 If you don't open that door, 150 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,367 I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party! 151 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,327 You say you're in the military? 152 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,204 Sweet Enola Gay, son! 153 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:55,373 I'm going to come in there and corpse you up! 154 00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:58,292 Corpse you up and mail you to mama! 155 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,171 Well... where'd he go? 156 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,132 (sighs) 157 00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:07,260 Got my knuckles all lined up for nothing. 158 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,178 (kissing) 159 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,263 Sorry, ladies. 160 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,016 (laughs) 161 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,311 Look at that hunk of junk. 162 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,188 (sputtering) 163 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,898 You're ignorant! 164 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,817 That's the Wright Brothers' plane. 165 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,986 At Kitty Hawk in 1903 166 00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,738 Charles Lindbergh flew it 15 miles 167 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,615 on a thimble full of corn oil. 168 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,285 Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did. 169 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,829 So how do you know so much about American history? 170 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,457 I pieced it together mostly from sugar packets. 171 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:41,961 (buzzing) 172 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,796 Authorization code. 173 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,257 Code?! Son, this is Colonel Hapablap. 174 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,217 That fool McGuckett sprayed runway foam 175 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,178 all over Chuck Yeager's Acura. 176 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,221 Now get down there with the shammy triple-time! 177 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,431 But, Colonel, I'm under strict orders to.. 178 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,183 Sweet Enola Gay, son! 179 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:58,269 Get moving or I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a-- 180 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:00,104 (distastefully) ...snot party. 181 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,814 Sir, right away, sir! 182 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,405 They didn't have any aspirin 183 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,365 so I got you some cigarettes. 184 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,034 (growls) 185 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,912 Maybe my headache will go away once the show starts. 186 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,581 (feedback screeching) 187 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,041 Ladies and gentlemen, 188 00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:22,919 what a day for an air show! 189 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:26,297 Not a cloud in the sky! 190 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,049 Except perhaps... 191 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,593 a mushroom cloud. 192 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,554 (diabolical laughter) 193 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:38,351 Oops. 194 00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,394 (nervous laughter) 195 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,855 Oh, forget it. 196 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,025 HAPABLAP: "To slip the surly bonds of Earth 197 00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,236 "and touch the face of God. 198 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,738 To fly"-- 199 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:54,075 the dream of man and flightless bird alike. 200 00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:57,411 And now, hold on tight 201 00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,372 as we blast through 202 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,916 the thrilling highlights of aviation history! 203 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:05,086 (parade march playing) 204 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,087 Say... 205 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,548 did somebody say box kites? 206 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,549 BART: No! 207 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:10,883 ♪ Up, up and away... ♪ 208 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,134 (crowd groaning) 209 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,012 The common box kite was originally used 210 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:18,057 as a means of drying wet string. 211 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,976 (whistling) 212 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:28,943 ♪ Sing a song and sail along the silver sky... ♪ 213 00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,945 Do you have to play that rock music? 214 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:31,946 Every note is pounding into my skull. 215 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,407 (grunts) 216 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,826 (whistling) 217 00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:43,124 Anybody out there feel the need for speed? 218 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:45,251 -ALL: Yay! -Yay. 219 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,211 Then get ready for the pride 220 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,547 of the United States Air Force: 221 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,842 the British-made Harrier Jump Jet! 222 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,595 ♪ Here I am ♪ 223 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:56,721 ♪ Rock you like a hurricane... ♪ 224 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,264 Dad, why aren't you looking? 225 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,975 Heh-heh. Why jerk my neck around like a goon 226 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,644 when tyranno-vision decides what I should look at. 227 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:07,398 Whoo, look! It's Maggie! 228 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:09,900 Uh... Maggie? 229 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,320 -(gasping) Sideshow Bob! -(gasping) 230 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,113 Hello, Springfield. 231 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,115 Sorry to divert your attention 232 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:19,577 from all the big noises and shiny things, 233 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,537 but something's been troubling me lately. 234 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,205 Television! 235 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,791 Wouldn't our lives be so much richer 236 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,543 if television were done away with? 237 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,003 What? 238 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,005 Surely he's not talking about VH-1? 239 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:34,050 Why, we could revive the lost arts of conversation... 240 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,218 and scrimshaw. 241 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,305 Thus, I submit to you we abolish television... 242 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,681 permanently. 243 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,434 Go back to Massachusetts, pinko. 244 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:44,644 Oh, and one more thing. 245 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,729 I've stolen a nuclear weapon. 246 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:50,858 If you do not rid this city of television within two hours, 247 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,526 I will detonate it. 248 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:53,527 Farewell. 249 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,489 (clamoring) 250 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,533 By the way, I'm aware of the irony of appearing on TV 251 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:03,079 in order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out. 252 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,206 (siren blaring) 253 00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:06,582 Kids, everything's gonna be okay! 254 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,292 Don't panic! Just don't panic! 255 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,960 Mom, Mom! You're stepping on my heels 256 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,712 and knocking my shoes off! 257 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,255 We can always get more shoes. Move, move, move! 258 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,302 Stamp your hand for re-entry. 259 00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,847 Hey... 260 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,810 Cool. I want to be around when those guns start going off. 261 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,228 Bart, no! 262 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,856 Wait! Wait, my children are in there! 263 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,858 You must be very proud, ma'am. 264 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:38,989 Our city will not negotiate with terrorists. 265 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,450 Is there a city nearby that will? 266 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,535 No need, sir. 267 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,036 We'll find that head case 268 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,038 faster than Garfield finds lasagna. 269 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,041 Oh... I'm sorry. 270 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,835 My wife thought that was gangbusters. 271 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,677 This elevator only goes to the basement, 272 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,139 and someone made an awful mess down there. 273 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:10,020 Watch out! He's got his probe! 274 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,273 (imitating airplane) 275 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,983 (imitating machine gun) 276 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,943 Bart! Bart! 277 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,195 What are you doing? We've got to get out of here. 278 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,448 Target sighted. Launching air-to-nerd missile. 279 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,158 Oww! Come on! 280 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,909 Mom and Dad are waiting. 281 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,870 Bob is not here. 282 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:29,039 We have searched every square inch of this base 283 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:31,876 and all we have found is porno, porno, porno! 284 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,421 We have only 20 minutes left. 285 00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:37,923 Send in the esteemed representatives of television. 286 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,345 Hey, hey! 287 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,681 Now, this is my kind of meeting. 288 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,894 Gentlemen, it's time we face up to the un-face-up-to-able. 289 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,520 We must sacrifice television 290 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,690 in order to save the lives of our townspeople. 291 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,067 Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! 292 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,944 Let's not go nuts. 293 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:03,157 Would it really be worth living in a world without television? 294 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,118 I think the survivors would envy the dead. 295 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:11,123 I appreciate your passion on behalf of your medium, 296 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,542 but I'm afraid we're out of options. 297 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,961 Television must go. 298 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,215 May God have mercy on our souls. 299 00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:25,888 (screaming, cars collide) 300 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:27,848 And as my final newscast draws to a close 301 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,350 I'm reminded of a few of the events 302 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,101 that brought me closer to you-- 303 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,603 The collapse of the Soviet Union, 304 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,688 premium ice cream price wars, 305 00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,941 dogs that were mistakenly issued major credit cards, 306 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,984 and others who weren't so lucky. 307 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,821 And so... farewell. 308 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,490 And, uh, don't forget to look for my... 309 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,408 new column in PC World magazine. 310 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,413 Muchas gracias, amigos 311 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,415 por todas las memorias 312 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,168 y super gracias a Goya! 313 00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,505 Success! 314 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,423 They're giving in! 315 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:02,842 Blast! 316 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,761 I should have made more demands. 317 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,013 Some decent local marmalade, for one. 318 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,014 Oh, well. Next time. 319 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,308 Agh! Not my Extendo-Glove! 320 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,185 Oh, they haven't made those since the war. 321 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,522 Oh! Not my Paris backdrop. 322 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,024 How am I going to make fun of the frogs? 323 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,819 (sobs) 324 00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,030 Wait. If I could only stay on the air, 325 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,324 I'd have a hundred percent of the audience. 326 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,869 Think of the ratings. 327 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,164 Okay, so we can't go over the fence. 328 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,791 I feel so helpless. 329 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,626 What if something happens to them? 330 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,628 I'm sure they're fine, honey. 331 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,922 Well, at least they're wearing clean underwear. 332 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,929 Free and easy, Lis. 333 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,056 There's nothing like an unfurnished basement 334 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,474 for pure comfort. 335 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,518 Huh? Hurry up. 336 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,061 Mom and Dad are probably worried sick. 337 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,024 You know what really frosts my Kelvinator? 338 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,818 That fruit cup's probably still laughing at us 339 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,194 from his damn hidey hole. 340 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,280 I'd rather take an order from Bill Clinton 341 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:09,366 than hear that guy's snooty high-toned voice again, sir. 342 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,201 High-toned voice. 343 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,329 Bart, that's it. 344 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,122 I know where Sideshow Bob is hiding. 345 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:18,584 (panting) When Bob broadcast that message, 346 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,835 his voice was higher than normal, 347 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,754 and what makes your voice high? 348 00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,255 Tight binding underwear? 349 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,590 Helium! 350 00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:26,467 Sideshow Bob is in the Duff blimp. 351 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,305 (constricted voice) All Springfield trembles 352 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,266 before the might of Sideshow Bob. 353 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,143 Blasted helium. 354 00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:37,436 Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. 355 00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,897 Ah-hah! That's better. 356 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,899 Gone. Gone too. 357 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,318 Fabulous. Marvelous. 358 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:47,154 {\an8}This is the Emergency Broadcast System. 359 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,906 {\an8}Stand by for an urgent bulletin. 360 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,240 KRUSTY: Hey, hey! 361 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,326 (goofy laugh) 362 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,662 Krusty the Clown is back on the air! 363 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,039 Eight... no, no! 12 hours a day! 364 00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,375 The only game in town. 365 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,961 Krusty? But how? 366 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,755 Coming at you live from the civil defense shack 367 00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:08,467 in the remote alkali flats of the Springfield badlands. 368 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,637 I'll be beaming out 11 watts of wackiness. 369 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,347 Hour after hour 370 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:16,266 of unscripted, unrehearsed comedy featuring... 371 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,311 uh, you know... Professor Gas Can 372 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:23,691 uh... and, uh, former President Ike Eisenhower. 373 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,026 Let's get busy. 374 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:30,197 Oh, my utopia lies in ruins. 375 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,908 How naive of me to think a mere atom bomb 376 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,953 could fell the chattering cyclops. 377 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,751 (both gasping) 378 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,170 Well, at least I'll have my revenge. 379 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,797 Bob, no! 380 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,675 Don't you see? That would be taking the easy way out? 381 00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:50,968 I agree. 382 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,177 (explosion) 383 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,527 (beeping) 384 00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:15,159 Damn it, Bob. 385 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,411 There were plenty of brand-new bombs 386 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,997 but you had to go for that retro-'50s charm. 387 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,499 (scared gulps) 388 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,460 Well, if it isn't my arch nemesis 389 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:27,254 Bart Simpson and his sister Lisa 390 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,505 to whom I'm fairly indifferent. 391 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,799 So Krusty double-crossed you, 392 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,761 but your basic plan was pure genius. 393 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,388 Where do you get your ideas? 394 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:37,890 Oh, please. 395 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:39,600 Let's not embarrass us both 396 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,435 with that hoary old "stall the villain 397 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:42,478 with flattery" scheme. 398 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,232 I... should have known you were too smart to fall for that. 399 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,902 Really? What type of smart? Book smart? 400 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,820 Because there are a lot of people who are book smart 401 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,822 but it takes a very special type of genius to... 402 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,199 CHIEF WIGGUM: All right, Bob, it's over. 403 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,034 Come out with your hands up. 404 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,827 No! 405 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,370 How did they find me? 406 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:12,841 (Lisa gasps) 407 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,722 LISA: He's getting away! 408 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,519 Aw, not the Harrier. 409 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,853 We've got a war tomorrow. 410 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,189 God bless the idiot-proof Air Force. 411 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,279 They're gone! 412 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,451 HAPABLAP: Hell. Not the Wright Brothers' plane. 413 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,246 The Smithsonian's gonna have my ass on a platter. 414 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,625 BART: Dad! 415 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,794 Help! 416 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,254 Aaah! 417 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,505 Hang on, boy! 418 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,632 Daddy's coming to save you! 419 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,634 D'oh! 420 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,720 Mom, I found Sideshow Bob's hideout, 421 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,264 and I got a secret message to the police, 422 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:02,141 and I had a blimp fall on me, 423 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,934 and I was in an atomic blast, but I'm okay now. 424 00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:06,645 Well, I wrecked the gate, but you don't hear me bragging. 425 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:07,938 Now let's roll. 426 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,070 Ah, for the days when aviation 427 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,488 was a gentleman's pursuit-- 428 00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,615 back before every Joe Sweat Sock 429 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,534 could wedge himself behind a lunch tray 430 00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:22,703 and jet off to Raleigh-Durham. 431 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,706 Are you getting lots of bugs in your mouth, too? 432 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:26,915 Yes. 433 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,000 (spitting) 434 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,545 Prepare to engage enemy. 435 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,507 Bogie's airspeed not sufficient for intercept. 436 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:36,967 Suggest we get out and walk. 437 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,685 Jump, boy! I got ya! 438 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,187 I'm coming! 439 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,438 (both grunt) 440 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,321 Now you, boy! 441 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,823 (gasps) You can't escape, Bob. 442 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,159 If the tennis rackets don't get you, the pool skimmers will. 443 00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:04,578 Whoo. I-- I never planned to escape. 444 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:07,331 You see, this is a kamikaze mission. 445 00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:11,251 You and I are going to kill Krusty the Clown! 446 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,794 -(laughs) -(gasps) 447 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,384 Kids, Itchy and Scratchy can't be here today 448 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,763 but instead, we've got the next best thing-- 449 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:25,057 It's the Stingy and Battery Show. 450 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:26,767 ♪ They bite and light ♪ 451 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,268 ♪ And bite and light and bite ♪ 452 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,062 ♪ Light, light... ♪ 453 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:31,063 You know what I'm talking about. 454 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:33,649 Uh-oh. 455 00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:34,816 You can't kill Krusty. 456 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,485 He made you what you are. 457 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,862 Without him, you wouldn't even be called "Sideshow." 458 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,405 (snarling) 459 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,242 (loud puttering) 460 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,410 What the hell is that? A lawn mower? 461 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,162 Yah! 462 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,413 BART: Get out of the way, Krusty! 463 00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,049 What is the freaking holdup? 464 00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,761 D-i-i-i-e, Krusty! 465 00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,429 Di..! 466 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,430 Oh. 467 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,015 (siren wailing) 468 00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,560 Ooh, sorry. 469 00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:13,897 Uh, we don't normally drive these in the Air Force. 470 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,357 Gotcha! 471 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,943 Ha-ha! You TV-hating mutant! 472 00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:20,696 What is your major malfunction, Sideshow Bob? 473 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:22,406 Whoa, whoa... 474 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,907 Oh, my little sugar bug. 475 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,367 Whoa, whoa. 476 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,743 I'm so glad you're safe. 477 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,454 Whoa, whoa... mo-- mo-- Mom! 478 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:32,291 You're embarrassing me in front of the Army guys. 479 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:34,001 How ironic. 480 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:37,587 My crusade against television has come to an end so formulaic 481 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,214 it could have spewed 482 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,509 from the Powerbook of the laziest Hollywood hack. 483 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,264 Hey, everybody! 484 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:50,600 I'm going to haul ass to Lollapalooza! 485 00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:52,436 ALL: Here we go again! 486 00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:53,562 (sadly) ...go again. 487 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:57,190 {\an8}(fanfare) 488 00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,942 ♪♪ 489 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,573 {\an8}♪♪ 490 00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,654 Shh! 491 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,577 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.