1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,593 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,595 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 4 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,079 (gasps) 5 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:38,955 Ahh! 6 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,916 -(horn honks) -(tires screech) 7 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,127 (whimpering) 8 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,504 {\an8}Run, Daddy, run! 9 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,214 {\an8}Open the door, Maude! 10 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,383 {\an8}I don't have time for the secret knock! 11 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,260 {\an8}MAUDE: Oh, I'm panicking, Neddy. 12 00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:53,803 {\an8}I can't work the knob! 13 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,098 {\an8}Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! 14 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,817 {\an8}This is Kent Brockman 15 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,653 {\an8}with a special report from the Channel 6 news copter. 16 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:14,199 {\an8}A large bear-like animal, most likely a bear, 17 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,576 {\an8}has wandered down from the hills in search of food 18 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:17,952 {\an8}or perhaps employment. 19 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,454 {\an8}Please, remain calm. 20 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:20,538 {\an8}Stay in your homes. 21 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,168 (growling) 22 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,586 {\an8}(laughs) 23 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:30,632 {\an8}Looks like bad news for the... 24 00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,716 {\an8}Impson family. 25 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:34,761 {\an8}Let's all calm down. 26 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,013 {\an8}Everyone's going to be just fine 27 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,932 {\an8}as long as I've got enough beer. 28 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,477 {\an8}(screams) 29 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,813 {\an8}All right, that does it. 30 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,439 {\an8}If I'm going to be trapped inside the house 31 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,525 {\an8}I got to go out and buy some beer. 32 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,906 (growling) 33 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:58,118 Now to drop gracefully through the windshield. 34 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,996 Ahh! 35 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,957 I got you, Dad! 36 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:04,958 Ahh! 37 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,964 (siren wails) 38 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,345 Sweet dreams, Smokey. 39 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,972 Oww! 40 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,932 Animal tranquilizer! 41 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,228 Ohh... 42 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,106 Smooth. 43 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,024 (belches) 44 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,156 Book 'em, Lou. 45 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,658 One count of being a bear. 46 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:39,993 And one count 47 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:42,078 of being an accessory to being a bear. 48 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,038 (men grunting) 49 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:50,670 (grunting) 50 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,881 Oh, Marge, it was horrible. 51 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,550 We were trapped in the house all afternoon 52 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,051 and... well... 53 00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,013 we had to drink toilet water. 54 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,223 Well, things were bad everywhere. 55 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,392 I'm sick of these constant bear attacks! 56 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:07,395 It's like a freakin' country bear jamboroo around here. 57 00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:09,522 Well, now, realistically, Homer, 58 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,357 I've lived here some 30-odd years. 59 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,610 This is the first and only bear I've ever seen. 60 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,028 Hey, 61 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,655 if you want wild bears eating your children 62 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:18,948 and scaring away your salmon, 63 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,408 that's your business. 64 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:21,784 But I'm not gonna take it! 65 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,494 Who's with me? 66 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:24,996 ALL: I am! 67 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,333 HOMER: We're here! We're queer! 68 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,710 We don't want any more bears! 69 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:32,420 ALL: We're here! We're queer! 70 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,714 We don't want any more bears! 71 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,132 Hey Homer, that's a pretty catchy chant. 72 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,175 Where'd you learn it? 73 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,676 Oh, I heard it 74 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,887 at the mustache parade they have every year. 75 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,388 ALL: We don't want any more bears! 76 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,682 Sir, there's an unruly mob to see you. 77 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,100 Does it have an appointment? 78 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,852 Uh... yes it does. 79 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,687 I phoned ahead. 80 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:52,023 Mr. Mayor, I hate to break it to you 81 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,525 but your city is infested with bears. 82 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,403 And these ones are smarter than the average bear. 83 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,364 They swiped my pic-a-nic basket. 84 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:00,698 Think of the children. 85 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,283 Very well. 86 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,160 I promise swift and decisive action 87 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,329 against these hibernating hucksters. 88 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,331 (cheering) 89 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,584 (chuckling) 90 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,756 (siren wailing) 91 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,803 Ahh, not a bear in sight. 92 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:25,431 The bear patrol must be working like a charm. 93 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,100 {\an8}That's specious reasoning, Dad. 94 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,351 Thank you, honey. 95 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,978 {\an8}By your logic, I could claim 96 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,813 {\an8}that this rock keeps tigers away. 97 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:32,814 Oh, how does it work? 98 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,440 {\an8}It doesn't work. 99 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,192 -Uh-huh. -It's just a stupid rock. 100 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,278 -Uh-huh. -But I don't see 101 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,655 any tigers around here. Do you? 102 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:44,033 Lisa, I want to buy your rock. 103 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:51,958 Woo-hoo! 104 00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,668 A perfect day-- Zero bears 105 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:57,088 and one big fat hairy paycheck! 106 00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:59,424 Hey! How come my pay is so low? 107 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,926 "Bear Patrol Tax: $5..." 108 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,554 What?! This is an outrage! 109 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,348 It's the biggest tax increase in history! 110 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,184 {\an8}Actually, Dad, it's the smallest tax increase in history. 111 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,602 Let the bears pay the Bear Tax! 112 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,021 I pay the Homer tax! 113 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,522 That's the Home-owner Tax. 114 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,274 Well, anyway, I'm still outraged. 115 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,697 ALL: Down with taxes! 116 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,366 Down with taxes! Down with taxes! 117 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,536 Won't you think of the children? 118 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,414 Are these morons getting dumber or just louder? 119 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,291 Dumber, sir. 120 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,251 They won't give up the bear patrol 121 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,669 but they won't pay taxes for it either. 122 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,964 Ducking this issue calls for real leadership. 123 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:45,845 People, your taxes are high because of illegal immigrants! 124 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:48,931 That's right-- illegal immigrants! 125 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,516 We need to get rid of them! 126 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,518 (overlapping chatter) 127 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,562 Immiggants! I knew it was them! 128 00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:55,730 Even when it was the bears 129 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,398 I knew it was them! 130 00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:01,486 Oh, won't somebody please think of the children? 131 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,322 In one week, the town will vote on a special referendum-- 132 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,740 whether or not to deport 133 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,117 all illegal immigrants from Springfield. 134 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,620 It shall be known as Proposition 24. 135 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,038 (cheering) 136 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,588 Hey, German boy, 137 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:23,674 go back to Germania! 138 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:25,593 I do not deserve this. 139 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,721 I have come here legally as an exchange student. 140 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,932 Young man, the only thing we exchanged for you 141 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,683 was our national dignity. 142 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,395 (laughter) 143 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,313 You want to pick on immigrants?! 144 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,941 -Then pick on Willie! -Willie, please. 145 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:43,236 The children want to pick on someone their own size. 146 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:44,320 Ach... 147 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,784 (eating loudly) 148 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:53,371 I don't see how you can support Proposition 24, Dad. 149 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,872 Open your eyes, Lisa. 150 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,542 Our schools are so jam-packed with immigrants, 151 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:00,002 kids like Bart have lost the will to learn. 152 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,504 There's no denying it, sis. 153 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,048 But immigration is what America is all about. 154 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,843 Even the Simpson family immigrated to America. 155 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:07,844 Right, Grampa? 156 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,971 Okay, you twisted my arm. 157 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:13,099 The Simpson story begins back in the old country. 158 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:16,060 I forget which one exactly. 159 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:19,522 My father would drone on and on about America. 160 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,065 He thought it was 161 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,151 the greatest thing since sliced bread-- 162 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,487 sliced bread having been invented the previous winter. 163 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:27,947 See this, son? 164 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,907 That's where we're going to live. 165 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,076 Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... 166 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,661 but someday. 167 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:37,498 Later that day, we set sail for America. 168 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,167 There it is. 169 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,376 Our new home. 170 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,465 Whee! I love America! 171 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,383 Abe! Supper's on! 172 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,470 We had to move out once we'd filled the head with garbage. 173 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,471 The end. 174 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,809 Yeah, when those immigrants get deported 175 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,394 there'll be a lot more elbow room 176 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,521 for regular Joes like you and me, Apu. 177 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,898 Ah... Mr. Simpson, 178 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,608 it may astonish you to learn 179 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:04,942 that I am an immigrant. 180 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,360 You? Pfft. 181 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,778 I don't believe it. 182 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,114 No, in truth an illegal immigrant, sir. 183 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,200 If Proposition 24 passes, 184 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,453 I shall be forced to leave this country. 185 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,580 Oh, I wish... 186 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,500 Oh, I wish I could have stayed just one more year or two. 187 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,668 There was so much I wanted to see 188 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,879 and to do and to have done to me. 189 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,380 Oh, my God. 190 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,049 I got so swept up 191 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,801 in the scapegoating and fun of Proposition 24, 192 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,261 I never stopped to think 193 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,806 it might affect someone I cared about. 194 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,185 You know what, Apu... 195 00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:42,980 I am really, really gonna miss you. 196 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,941 (whistling) 197 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,788 You know what really aggravazes me? 198 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,456 Is them immiggants-- 199 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,832 They want all the benefits 200 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,125 of living in Springfield, 201 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,502 but they ain't even bothered 202 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:06,170 to learn themself the language. 203 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,173 Yeah. Those are exactly my sentimonies. 204 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,218 (babbling incoherently) 205 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,303 Yeah, you said it, Barn. 206 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,813 Make the protesters go away 207 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,190 and I'll give you the entire bottle. 208 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,358 Oh, thank you goodness. 209 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,694 My first customers in a week. 210 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:32,738 It's hard to believe someone so close to our family 211 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,240 could be an illegal alien. 212 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:35,658 Alas, it is true. 213 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,369 I came here shortly after my graduation 214 00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,495 from Cal Tech-- 215 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,414 Calcutta Technical Institute. 216 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:42,957 As the top student 217 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,126 in my graduating class of seven million, 218 00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:47,795 I was accepted for graduate study 219 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,463 in the United States. 220 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,222 Wherever you go and whatever you do, 221 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,349 we will always love you. 222 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,226 Make us proud, son. 223 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,353 Never forget who you are. 224 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,521 I won't, Mother, 225 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,815 and I won't forget you, Manjula. 226 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:10,234 I'm so sorry our arranged marriage 227 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,444 will not come to pass. 228 00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,279 Farewell, my beloved. 229 00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,947 I enrolled at Springfield Heights 230 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,574 Institute of Technology 231 00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,659 under the tutelage of the brilliant 232 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,620 Professor John Frink. 233 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,372 Well, sure, the Frinkiac 7 looks impressive-- 234 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,707 Don't touch it. 235 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,126 But I predict that within 100 years 236 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,462 computers will be twice as powerful 237 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,131 10,000 times larger and so expensive 238 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,968 that only the five richest kings of Europe will own them. 239 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,179 Could it be used for dating? 240 00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:39,555 Well, theoretically, yes, 241 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,642 but the computer matches would be so perfect 242 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:46,062 as to eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest. 243 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,229 (mumbling) 244 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,856 Nine glorious years later 245 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,233 I completed my Ph.D. thesis. 246 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,111 200,000 precisely ordered punch cards 247 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,280 comprising the world's very first 248 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,823 tic-tac-toe program. 249 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,576 Only the top human players could beat it. 250 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,994 Hey, what's this one for? 251 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,079 Ohh! 252 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,707 So, Apu, why didn't you go back to India 253 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,834 when your Student Visa expired? 254 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,503 I did not feel right leaving 255 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,338 without paying off my student loans. 256 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:13,673 Mm-hmm. 257 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,175 So I took a job at the Kwik-E-Mart. 258 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,345 When my debts were wiped clean, I was all set to go, 259 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,556 but by then, I had made so many friends here. 260 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,393 What you're saying is so understandable 261 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,562 and really, your only crime was violating U.S. law. 262 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,148 Oh, you are one of the good ones. 263 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,483 You know what? 264 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:35,528 I'm going to vote "no" on 24. 265 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,321 Mom, you're the greatest. 266 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,407 Can I have this licorice? 267 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:46,497 Uh, good evening, young man. 268 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,624 My name is Charles Norwood. 269 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,710 Furthermore, to this beer, 270 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:54,422 I would also like three of your finest, cheapest cigars. 271 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,966 Here's my I.D., which confirms my adultivity. 272 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,721 Hm. 273 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,182 Hey, Kearney, this fake I.D., it is truly excellent. 274 00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,729 Say, if you tell me where you obtained it, 275 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,565 I will overlook the ice cream sandwiches 276 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,233 concealed in your armpits, eh? 277 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,985 Deal. 278 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,784 Okay, here are your fraudulent documents 279 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,953 Mr. Nahasapeemapetilan: 280 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,414 your U.S. Passport, Social Security card 281 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,584 birth certificate and your death certificate. 282 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,754 Just hold on to that one in your safe-deposit box. 283 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,423 Most humble and grateful thanks to you. 284 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,175 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 285 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,426 Can the courtesy. 286 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:41,886 You're an American now. 287 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,889 Remember: you were born in Green Bay, Wisconsin, 288 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,309 your parents were Herb and Judy Nahasapeemapetilan, 289 00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,811 and if you do not wish to arouse suspicion, 290 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:54,148 I strongly urge you to act American. 291 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,818 (American accent) Hey there, Homer. 292 00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,028 How's it hanging? 293 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,279 Low and lazy. 294 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:01,739 So... 295 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,201 Hey, say something again. 296 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,286 Oh, you're just noticing 297 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,205 the way I'm talking to you now. 298 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,081 You see, it turns out 299 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,751 I am an American citizen after all. 300 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,837 Apparently, I just plumb forgot about it. 301 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,464 (phony chuckle) 302 00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:21,675 Say, let's take a relaxed attitude toward work 303 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,677 and watch the baseball match. 304 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:26,514 The NY Mets are my favorite squadron. 305 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:30,518 Hey, you got rid of that goofy sacred elephant statue. 306 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,769 Oh, yeah. 307 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,146 What was I thinking with that? 308 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:38,692 (accent slipping) Who needs the infinite compassion of Ganesha 309 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,570 when I've got Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman 310 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,156 staring at me from Entertainment Weekly 311 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,908 with their dead eyes?! 312 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,368 Look at me! 313 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,829 I've betrayed my Indian heritage, sir. 314 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,374 What would my parents think of me now? 315 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,750 (gasps) 316 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,252 APU'S FATHER: Make us proud, son. 317 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,921 APU'S MOTHER: Never forget who you are. 318 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,882 Don't make the same mistake I did. 319 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,509 (gasps) 320 00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:07,221 Oh, forgive me, Mother, Father. 321 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,639 I failed you. 322 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,102 (sniffling) 323 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,564 Who am I kidding? 324 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,898 I am no citizen. 325 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,776 Th-This passport is a cheap forgery. 326 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,321 A cheap $2,000 forgery. 327 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,365 I have brought shame to my parents, 328 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,117 to my homeland and to myself. 329 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,118 Don't forget Ganesha. 330 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,372 I cannot deny my roots 331 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,791 and I cannot keep up this charade. 332 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,377 I only did it because I love this land 333 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,338 where I have the freedom to say and to think 334 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,007 and to charge whatever I want. 335 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,718 I want to stay, but as the real me, 336 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,095 not as some yahoo from Green Bay. 337 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,184 (sobbing) 338 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,395 Wow. You must love this country 339 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,230 more than I love a cold beer 340 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,107 on a hot Christmas morning. 341 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,525 Darn it, Apu. 342 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,944 I'm not gonna let them kick you out. 343 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,195 (grunting) 344 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,239 I never should have bought this button. 345 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,407 Can I have my three dollars back? 346 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,367 Store credit only. 347 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,039 HOMER: Hey, Marge. Look who I brought home. 348 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:19,251 Oh, Homer. Are you rounding up immigrants? 349 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,378 (laughs) No, Marge. 350 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,422 Apu convinced me that Proposition 24 351 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:24,924 is a big mistake. 352 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:25,925 All right! 353 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,009 Now you've got 354 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,886 all the Simpsons behind you, Apu. 355 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,554 That's nice-- although three of you 356 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,889 are below voting age. 357 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,641 And I'm not registered. 358 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,517 I do appreciate your concern, really, 359 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,769 but it is hopeless. 360 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,228 The latest poll shows 361 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:41,690 a whooping 85% support for Proposition 24. 362 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,734 Hey, Apu, why don't you just 363 00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,694 marry some American broad 364 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,447 then dump her after you get your citizenship? 365 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,490 (touch tones) 366 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,367 Hello, Selma? 367 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,494 Selma, my dear, how are you? 368 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:55,621 Uh-huh... uh-huh... uh-huh... 369 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,665 Listen, shut up for a second. 370 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,500 How would you like to marry Apu 371 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:00,501 so he doesn't get deported? 372 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,211 I'd rather eat poison. 373 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,547 My name's already Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure. 374 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,759 God knows it's long enough with Nahasapeemapet-whatever. 375 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,720 From now on, I'm only marrying for love... 376 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,889 and possibly once more for money. 377 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,937 Oh, it's hopeless. Oh, poor Apu. 378 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:23,107 Hey! The government don't control the sky. 379 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,109 What if you lived in a balloon?! 380 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,695 -LISA: That's it! -Did you hear that, Mom? 381 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,071 She's as dumb as me. 382 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,865 No, not what he said, what he is! 383 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,283 Grandfather, 384 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,369 as in "grandfather clause." 385 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,080 Apu, how long ago did your Visa expire? 386 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,665 Seven years, but I don't-- 387 00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:41,250 (gasps) There was an amnesty declared 388 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,877 for people who've been here as long as you. 389 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,546 That means you can take the citizenship test! 390 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:46,755 (gasps) 391 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,173 But Apu, the vote on Proposition 24 392 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,550 is on Tuesday. 393 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:52,136 You'll have to pass the test before then. 394 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,596 Oh, no! That is not nearly enough time 395 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,349 to learn over 200 years of American history. 396 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:58,809 Oh, it can't be that many! 397 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,227 Come on, Apu! 398 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,729 I'll be your tutor. 399 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,605 (ominous chords blare) 400 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,610 Please identify this object. 401 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,112 It appears to be the flag 402 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,448 which disappeared from the public library last year. 403 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:13,907 Correct. 404 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,702 Now, we all know the 13 stripes are for good luck, 405 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:21,290 but why does the American flag have precisely 47 stars? 406 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:25,377 Because this particular flag is ridiculously out of date. 407 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,212 The library must have purchased it 408 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,297 during the brief period in 1912 409 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,466 after New Mexico became a state 410 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,508 but before Arizona did. 411 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,385 Uh, partial credit. 412 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,847 Now, they may ask you to locate your town 413 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,266 on a map of the U.S., so let's do that. 414 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,977 Uh... Springfield, Springfield... um... 415 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,146 -right here. -LISA: Dad! 416 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,899 {\an8}You're not pointing anywhere near Springfield. 417 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,233 {\an8}It's over here, Apu. 418 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,818 Hey, whatcha doin'? Studying? 419 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,904 Oh, I'm so confused. I don't even know where 420 00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,614 I'm getting kicked out of anymore. 421 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,956 Whoa! 422 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,459 Sign's floating away, Chief. 423 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:08,796 Executive, legislative, and, uh... judicial. 424 00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:12,132 No, no, and no. (groans) 425 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,135 Maybe we should start all over with the electrical college. 426 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,596 Please, Mr. Simpson, my brain needs sleep. 427 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,264 The test is in six hours 428 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,141 and many of these facts you speak of 429 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,184 are completely new to me. 430 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,186 Sleep is for the weak, Apu! 431 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,604 Now I'm gonna go to bed while you look over 432 00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,773 my notes from ninth grade history. 433 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:28,941 Okay, Apu. 434 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,984 Stay awake and stay focused. 435 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,236 Cotton Mather... 436 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,196 (snoring) 437 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,370 Oh, no! I fell asleep! 438 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,997 I have forgotten everything that Mr. Homer taught me! 439 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,999 Perfect. Let's roll. 440 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,006 (crowd clamoring) 441 00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:58,971 Hm. 442 00:18:59,054 --> 00:18:59,972 Hm! 443 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:02,891 Hmm. 444 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,855 (gasps) 445 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,148 All right, men. 446 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:10,691 Here's the order of deportations. 447 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,943 First, you'll be rounding up your tired, 448 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,528 then your poor, 449 00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:17,906 then your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. 450 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,449 Breathers. Got it. 451 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,326 {\an8}All right. Here's your last question. 452 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,662 What was the cause of the Civil War? 453 00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:25,664 Actually, there were numerous causes. 454 00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,291 Aside from the obvious schism 455 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:30,002 between abolitionists and anti-abolitionists, 456 00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:32,754 economic factors, both domestic and international, played a significant-- 457 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:33,839 -Hey, hey. -Yeah? 458 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,382 Just-- Just say "slavery." 459 00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:36,508 Slavery it is, sir. 460 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,137 Yes! I am a citizen! 461 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,681 Now which way to the Welfare office?! 462 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,474 -What? -I'm kidding, 463 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,185 I'm kidding! I work, I work. 464 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,644 Thank you. 465 00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:50,272 I want to say "thank you" to everyone. 466 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:51,565 From this day forth 467 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,651 I am no longer an Indian living in America. 468 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,820 I am an Indian-American. 469 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:57,863 (cheering, applause) 470 00:19:57,946 --> 00:19:59,364 MAN: Here, here, here. 471 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,408 You know, Apu, in a way, 472 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:02,784 all Americans are immigrants, 473 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,328 except Native Americans. 474 00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:06,121 Yeah. Native Americans like us. 475 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,456 No, I mean American Indians. 476 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,583 -Like me. -No, I mean-- 477 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,168 -(tapping) -Hi, everyone! 478 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:13,170 If I could just say a few words... 479 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,255 I'd be a better public speaker. 480 00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,174 (laughing) 481 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,676 Now that you're all relaxed-- (clears throat) 482 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,179 most of us here were born in America. 483 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,723 We take this country for granted; 484 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:26,558 but not immigrants like Apu. 485 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,561 While the rest of us are drinking ourselves stupid, 486 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,648 they're driving the cabs that get us home safely. 487 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,609 They're writing the operas that entertain us every day. 488 00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:38,779 They're training our tigers and kicking our extra points. 489 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,697 These people are the glue 490 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:44,284 that holds together the gears of our society. 491 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:47,913 If we pass Proposition 24, we'll be losing 492 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,249 some of the truest Americans of all. 493 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:51,541 -(cheering) -MOE: You said it, Homer! 494 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,710 When you go to the polls tomorrow, 495 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:57,714 please, vote no on Proposition 24. 496 00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,217 ALL (chanting): No on 24. 497 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:03,136 No on 24. 498 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:05,722 No on 24. 499 00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:08,183 No on 24. 500 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,228 No on 24. 501 00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:13,981 No on 24. 502 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,983 No on 24. 503 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:20,237 It's a landslide! Yes on 24. 504 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,950 The Proposition passed with a record 95%... 505 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,452 When are people going to learn-- 506 00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:29,371 democracy doesn't work. 507 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,873 Please don't knock the land that I love. 508 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,961 (gasps) Jury duty! 509 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:39,840 Oh! Today I am truly an American citizen. 510 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,008 (sighs) 511 00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:42,217 Oh! 512 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,805 Just thank heaven everything worked out 513 00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:49,599 for the people we care about. 514 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:50,934 (foghorn blows) 515 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:53,228 Ach. Ingrates. 516 00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:02,654 ♪♪ 517 00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:42,235 Shh. 518 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:48,533 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.