1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,760 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,345 -Ahh! -(tires screeching) 4 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,141 (Homer screaming) 5 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,321 {\an8}Uh, why do they have to put all this crud 6 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,823 {\an8}in my newspaper? 7 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:35,785 {\an8}"World," "The Arts," "Religion." 8 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,662 {\an8}A-ha! Here it is. 9 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,913 {\an8}"Kickin' Back!" 10 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,542 {\an8}Hey, who cut something out of my paper? 11 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:43,960 {\an8}Not me. 12 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,628 {\an8}Not me. I'm more of a mail-tamperer. 13 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,338 {\an8}Well, don't look at me, 14 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,506 {\an8}just because I'm holding a pair of scissors. 15 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,844 {\an8}Scissors, which I need to, uh, to... 16 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,555 {\an8}gussy up these curtains. 17 00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,350 {\an8}(rings) 18 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,351 {\an8}Hello. 19 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,895 {\an8}Oh, hi, Lenny. 20 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:04,689 {\an8}No, why would I need a ride this afternoon? 21 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,900 {\an8}(noisy vacuuming) 22 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:09,069 {\an8}Where?! 23 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,529 {\an8}To the big annual what?! 24 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,033 {\an8}Lenny? Aw, well, if it was big and annual 25 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,036 {\an8}I'm sure they'd have mentioned it in the newspaper. 26 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:19,746 (dog growling) 27 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:24,501 {\an8}Yeah, it's a lazy, dog-dangling afternoon. 28 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,046 {\an8}But something's a little off. 29 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,090 {\an8}Hey, Marge, you don't smoke. 30 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,509 {\an8}Well, I just felt like filling the house 31 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,512 {\an8}with the rich, satisfying smell of tobacco. 32 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,513 (coughs) 33 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:38,640 (whistles) 34 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,058 {\an8}You're nuts. 35 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,184 {\an8}I got to get some fresh air. 36 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,938 {\an8}-No, Homie, wait. -What's wrong with you? 37 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,856 {\an8}What are you trying to hide from me? 38 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,566 {\an8}(sniffing) What's that smell? 39 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:53,113 {\an8}Onions... chili powder... cumin... juicy ground chuck! 40 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,864 It's chili! Oh, my God! 41 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,616 I'm missing the chili cook-off! 42 00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,493 I'm missing the cook-off. 43 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,203 It's going on right now and I'm missing it. 44 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,664 All right, I was trying to keep it from you, 45 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:05,083 but I had a good reason. 46 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,501 Every time you go to that cook-off 47 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,211 you get drunk as a poet on payday. 48 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,546 Remember last year? 49 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,841 Look at me. 50 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,803 I'm a puffy pink cloud. 51 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,139 Yee-hee-hee-ha-ha! 52 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,431 Oh! 53 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,850 Oh, well, of course 54 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,644 everything looks bad if you remember it. 55 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,771 Now, where are my chili boots? 56 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,314 Ah! 57 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,483 (grunting) 58 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,486 Okay, we'll go to the chili cook-off. 59 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,072 But I want you to promise me you won't have any beer. 60 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,700 Okay, quit nagging me. I won't have any beer. 61 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,660 Geez, why don't you have a cigarette or something? 62 00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,705 Mm, I suppose I could. 63 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,880 I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili 64 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,673 before they get desperate and add meat. 65 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:54,883 I'm gonna go claim some valuables 66 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,259 at the lost and found. 67 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,554 Ooh, look at that adorable spice rack. 68 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,514 Eight spices? 69 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,516 Oh, some must be doubles. 70 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,935 "Oregano"? What the hell... 71 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,730 Marge, we're missing the chili. 72 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,773 Less artsy, more fartsy. 73 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,775 Homer, I happen to like handicrafts 74 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,903 much more than stuffing my face. 75 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,613 Fine. I'll come find you 76 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,573 when I'm ready to stop having fun. 77 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,159 Remember your promise-- no drinking. 78 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:25,038 Stupor pooper. 79 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:29,334 ♪♪ (country) 80 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,336 Howdy, howdy, Marge and Hom-- 81 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,962 Oh, my mistake. 82 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,589 Homer's not even with you. 83 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:38,426 Probably just knocking back a few "refreshments." 84 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,386 Thank you for your concern, Helen. 85 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,055 Homer isn't drinking today. 86 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,682 Oh, I think it's lovely that he said that 87 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,643 and that you believed him. 88 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:50,146 Now, Helen, let us not glory in Homer's binge-drinking. 89 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,900 There but for the grace of God goes Marge herself. 90 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,331 Ooh, man, he's here-- 91 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,000 The dude with the fireproof stomach. 92 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,630 CROWD (gasping): Whoa! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! 93 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,258 They say he carved it himself 94 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,759 from a bigger spoon. 95 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,889 Five-alarm chili, eh? 96 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,183 Mm-hmm. 97 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,144 One... two... 98 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,438 Hey, what's the big idea? 99 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,023 Oh, I admit it. 100 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,859 It's only two-alarm, two-and-a-half, tops. 101 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,862 I just wanted to be a big man in front of the kids. 102 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,615 Daddy, are you going to jail? 103 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,201 We'll see, son. We'll see. 104 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,749 Evenin', little lady. 105 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,752 Do you reckon a square could get a dance? 106 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,422 Oh... it looks so complicated. 107 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,382 Do you know how? 108 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:03,886 Ma'am, I wouldn't honk the honk if I couldn't tonk the tonk. 109 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,182 Woo-woo! 110 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:12,186 Hmm. 111 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,272 A bland, timid entry 112 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:17,191 suitable, perhaps, for patients recovering from surgery. 113 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,029 WIGGUM: That Simpson, 114 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,406 he thinks he's the pope of chili town. 115 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,451 Well, this year I am ready for him. 116 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,666 HOMER: Hello, Chief. 117 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,669 Afternoon, Homer. 118 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,880 Care for some chili? 119 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:43,176 I've added an extra ingredient just for you-- 120 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:47,013 The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! 121 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,264 (crowd gasps) 122 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,143 Grown deep in the jungle primeval 123 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:56,397 by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. 124 00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,276 Uh, Wiggy? My chili's getting cold. 125 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,489 (gasping) 126 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,910 (sizzling) 127 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,286 (screaming) 128 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,832 Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! 129 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,629 D'oh! 130 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,631 Oh, my tongue is burning up! 131 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,257 Beer! Baby needs a beer! 132 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,759 Homer! 133 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:26,636 You promised you wouldn't drink. 134 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,846 But I need it! 135 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,184 Yeah. 136 00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,685 Oh, lousy Wiggum. 137 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,730 Now the whole town thinks I'm a chili wuss. 138 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,608 Wait, Mister. You're drinking a candle. 139 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,903 You don't want to get wax in your mouth, do you? 140 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,988 Maybe I do, son. 141 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,741 Maybe I do. 142 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,162 (gags) 143 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,997 Outstanding. 144 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,876 Hey, everybody, look who's back. 145 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,422 It's the big baby! 146 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,382 Oh, this porridge is too hot. 147 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,633 Oh, waa-waa-waa! 148 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,093 (laughing) 149 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:08,594 Want some more, do you? 150 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,972 Well, sure. Heck, it's not my job 151 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:13,141 to talk people out of killing themselves. 152 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,060 Ah... 153 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,103 (gasps) 154 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,729 (murmuring) 155 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,815 More, please. 156 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:26,028 (gulping) 157 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,613 Good Lord, this can't be happening. 158 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,240 By all medical logic 159 00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,242 steam should be shooting out of his ears. 160 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:32,535 His ears if we're lucky. 161 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:39,792 Well, Chief, don't quit your day job-- 162 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,837 (chuckles) whatever that is. 163 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,965 (laughter, applause) 164 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,426 Heh-heh. My finest hour... 165 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,970 and Marge wasn't even here to see it. 166 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:55,391 (rumbling) 167 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:59,145 Ooh, I don't feel so good. 168 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,105 (groaning) 169 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:06,444 Flanders, you've got to help me. 170 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,446 Sure, buddy. I'd be happy to help out. 171 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,198 What can I do... diddly do... 172 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:13,784 diddily-doodily-diddily-hoobily- hobbily-hibbily-gooble-gobble... 173 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,244 gooble gabba-gabba-hey? 174 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,245 (gasps) 175 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:20,875 Huh? 176 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,294 Goo-goo-ga-joob? 177 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:24,712 Haw! Haw! 178 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,297 Haw haw! 179 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:30,092 (waa-waa trumpet sound) 180 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,053 (distorted belch) 181 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,431 (screams) 182 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,101 Mister, do you need some help? 183 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,728 Let him go, Ralph. 184 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:41,854 He knows what he's doing. 185 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,607 (wailing) 186 00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:52,031 (panting) 187 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,245 What's happening to me? 188 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,829 Okay, retrace your steps. 189 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,666 Woke up, fought with Marge, 190 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:04,418 ate Guatemalan insanity peppers. 191 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:08,047 Then I-- Ohh. 192 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,216 Where am I? Shelbyville? 193 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:11,676 (screams) 194 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,263 Man, this is crazy. 195 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,807 I hope I didn't brain my damage. 196 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,684 I better check my pupils. 197 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,610 (hissing) 198 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:34,073 Oh... kay. 199 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,201 I think I'm gonna be leaving now. 200 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,125 Huh? 201 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,631 Sunrise, sunset... 202 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,800 Sunrise, sunset... 203 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,303 Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, 204 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,929 sunrise, sunset, sunrise... 205 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,389 (screams) 206 00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:02,351 Note to self: Stop doing anything. 207 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,606 Has anyone seen Homer? 208 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,190 Marge, better you hear it from me 209 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,942 than some gossipy neighbor. 210 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,944 Homer made a total jackass of himself. 211 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,780 Oh, Helen, that's enough. Call off your dogs. 212 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,741 But someone had to tell her. 213 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,117 And I got here first. 214 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,703 -Helen, zip it. -Oh please. Tim. 215 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,955 Zip it. Ziparoo. 216 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,248 No beer, huh? 217 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,958 (grumbling) 218 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:29,837 I guess I know what a promise from Homer J. Simpson is worth. 219 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,638 Hey, buddy, get back there with the other rocks. 220 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,098 Huh? 221 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,808 A tortoise? 222 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,186 "Follow... the..." 223 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:47,355 (gasps) This must be why I'm here! 224 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,398 Follow the what? Follow the what? 225 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,400 Hurry up! 226 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,988 Get moving you stupid-- 227 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:59,867 When I'm kicking you, that means hurry up. 228 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,952 Come on. 229 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,051 Oh, you want me to climb that, huh? 230 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,136 No problemo. 231 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,097 (rumbling) 232 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,725 Oh! 233 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,811 This is 'cause I kicked you, isn't it? 234 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,523 (grunting) 235 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,984 Lis, check it out. 236 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,320 I saw it, Bart. 237 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,863 You're just mad 238 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:38,906 'cause there's no clock in your hat. 239 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,491 What hat? 240 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:43,285 Ah, this baby's wasted on an idiot like you. 241 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,912 Where's Homer? 242 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,372 Your father decided that he'd rather come home 243 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,375 in a taxi... or a police car. 244 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,335 (grunting) 245 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,339 (gasping) 246 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,299 Marge, thank God you're here. 247 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,467 Where's the car? 248 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,971 Marge? Marge? 249 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,639 Oh, now what? 250 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,143 If you're still mad at me, I'm gonna be really mad. 251 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,644 Come on, Marge, will you..? 252 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,480 Fight fair. I never do this to you. 253 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,107 Talk to me! 254 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:16,068 (wind blowing) 255 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,826 Oh, I hate this place. 256 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,745 Why am I here? 257 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,205 VOICE: You are on a quest for knowledge. 258 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,165 Who said that? 259 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,468 Fear not, Homer. 260 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,136 I am your spirit guide. 261 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,304 Hiya. 262 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,306 There is a lesson you must learn. 263 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,725 If it's about laying off the insanity peppers 264 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:48,768 I'm way ahead of you. 265 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,020 No, I speak of a deeper wisdom. 266 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,022 The problem, Homer, 267 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,357 is that the mind is always chattering away 268 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,651 with a thousand thoughts at once. 269 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,862 Yeah, that's me all right. 270 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,822 (wind blowing) 271 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,160 Clarity is the path to inner peace. 272 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,454 Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? 273 00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,748 Should I get rid of all my possessions? 274 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:13,125 Are you kidding?! (chuckles) 275 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,503 If anything, you should get more possessions. 276 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,296 You don't even have a computer. 277 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:20,925 You know, I have been meaning to take a spiritual journey 278 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:22,301 and I-- 279 00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:23,719 (growling) 280 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,679 Hey, knock it off! 281 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,598 Sorry. 282 00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,350 I am a coyote. 283 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,018 Look, just give me some inner peace 284 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,520 or I'll mop the floor with you. 285 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,564 Good. Your mind is in a state of readiness. 286 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,316 So listen well. 287 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,819 To make yourself complete, 288 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,487 you must find your soul mate. 289 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,988 Soul mate? 290 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,241 Your kindred spirit. 291 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,701 The one with whom you share an unspoken bond, 292 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,496 a profound mystical understanding. 293 00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,414 That's it? 294 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,333 Well, that's Marge. Big deal. 295 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:57,169 Great spiritual quest, Wolfie. 296 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,505 My soul mate is Marge. 297 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,257 Is it? 298 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,807 Hey wait. Come back. 299 00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,058 Oh. 300 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,852 (horn blowing) 301 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,270 Oh! A ghost train! 302 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,397 And so little time to get out of the way. 303 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,439 Now less... 304 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,108 Now none! (screams) 305 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,442 D'oh! 306 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,655 Hey, get off the course, you bum! 307 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,156 Security. 308 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,533 (whistle blowing) 309 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:30,119 Wha-- Golf course? 310 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,746 Did I dream that whole thing? 311 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,833 Maybe the desert was just a sand trap. 312 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,293 Oh, and I bet 313 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,963 that crazy pyramid was just the Pro Shop. 314 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,174 And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog. 315 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,634 Hi, Homer. Find your soul mate. 316 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,136 Hey, wait a minute. 317 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,430 There's no such thing as a talking dog. 318 00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:50,848 (barking) 319 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,266 Damn straight. 320 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,059 So then I says to Mabel, I says-- 321 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,227 Hi, kids. 322 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,478 I'll finish this later. Hi Dad. 323 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,731 -Where is your mother? -Out back. 324 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,900 So anyway, I says to Mabel, I says-- 325 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,026 Hi, honey. 326 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,947 (singsongy) Oh, I guess you're cranky 327 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,450 because I didn't come home last night. 328 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,453 I'm "cranky" because my husband got drunk 329 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:15,414 and humiliated me in front of the entire town. 330 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,334 You broke your promise, Homer. 331 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,419 Oh, honey, I didn't get drunk. 332 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:23,047 I just went to a strange fantasy world. 333 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,965 Come on, you got to believe me. 334 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,216 You're my soul mate. 335 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,260 Don't "soul mate" me! 336 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,887 Okay. 337 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,889 (snoring) 338 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:35,684 That coyote said my soul mate would understand me 339 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,145 but Marge doesn't understand me at all. 340 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,855 Maybe we're not kindred spirits. 341 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,859 We don't have anything in common. 342 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,487 Look at these records. 343 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,657 Jim Nabors, Glen Campbell, The Doodletown Pipers. 344 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,533 Now look at her records. 345 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,452 They stink! 346 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:57,039 Oh. Maybe I had that crazy dream for a reason. 347 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:03,170 Wherever my soul mate is, it's not here. 348 00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:14,723 I always just figured my wife was my soul mate, 349 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,351 but if it's not Marge, then who is it? 350 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,061 Where do I begin looking? 351 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,729 This really goes beyond my training 352 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,564 as a furniture salesman, sir. 353 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,149 Now, if you don't want the sofa 354 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,609 I'll have to ask you to leave. 355 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:32,157 Hey, Barney, soul mate, let me buy you a beer. 356 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,410 Okay, but I'm not your soul mate. 357 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,328 I'm really more of a chum. 358 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,288 -What about you, Lenny? -I'm a crony. 359 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,873 -Carl? -I'd say acquaintance. 360 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,500 -Colleague. -Sympathizer. 361 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:42,543 -Compadre. -Associate. 362 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:43,711 Contemporary. 363 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,129 I'm a well-wisher 364 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,881 in that I don't wish you any specific harm. 365 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,591 (sighs) 366 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,512 Hello? Is this, uh... 367 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,847 G.B.M.? 368 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,891 Uh, yeah. I read in the personals 369 00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,518 you were seeking a soul mate. 370 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,563 Well, I also like rainy days and movies. 371 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:04,565 Uh-huh. 372 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:09,778 Uh... no... I don't like that... 373 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,572 or that. 374 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:12,906 No, it's not that I'm afraid. 375 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,034 I'm gonna hang up now. Bye-bye. 376 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,744 Oh... I give up. 377 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,121 COYOTE: Find your soul mate, Homer. 378 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,706 Find your soul mate. 379 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:21,749 Where? Where? 380 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,751 This is just your memory. 381 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,837 I can't give you any new information. 382 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,632 ♪♪ 383 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:37,931 ♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪ 384 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:41,810 ♪ That love was meant for beauty queens ♪ 385 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,313 ♪ And high school girls ♪ 386 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,066 ♪ With clear-skin smiles ♪ 387 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,319 ♪ Who married young and then retired ♪ 388 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:57,409 ♪ The valentines I never knew ♪ 389 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:01,663 ♪ The Friday night charades of you ♪ 390 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,042 ♪ Were spent on one more beautiful... ♪ 391 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,919 (sighs) 392 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,003 Huh? 393 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,214 What's that blinking light? 394 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,465 (gasps) 395 00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,092 The lighthouse keeper. 396 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,345 The loneliest man in the world. 397 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,846 He'll understand me. 398 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,435 (panting) 399 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:27,606 Earl. 400 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,650 My new friend's name is Earl. 401 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,610 Here I come, buddy! 402 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:34,321 No more loneliness for Homer and Earl. 403 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,868 A machine? 404 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,246 Earl's a machine? 405 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:45,624 Oh, that's just perfect. 406 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:49,253 Homer's desperate search for a soul mate has yielded 407 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,505 a lighthouse-keeping robot. 408 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,132 Oh, wow. 409 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,510 Hey, look, is that Dad? 410 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,638 Either that or Batman's really let himself go. 411 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,515 Alone. 412 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,100 Oh, I'm alone. 413 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,310 I'm a lonely, insignificant speck 414 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,814 on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun. 415 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,232 (horn blows) 416 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,192 A ship. 417 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,652 A ship with people. 418 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,654 I know. I'll bring them to me. 419 00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,739 And then they'll have to be my friends. 420 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,702 Come here, people. 421 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,829 (laughing) 422 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,790 Arr, matey. 423 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,293 Nary a warning light to be seen. 424 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:32,129 'Tis clear sailing ahead for our precious cargo. 425 00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,756 Uh... would that be the hot pants, sir? 426 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,508 Aye, the hot pants. 427 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,759 (giggling) 428 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,762 Well, I won't be lonely for long. 429 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,390 (giggling hysterically) 430 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,728 (footsteps approaching) 431 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,188 Huh? Who's there? 432 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,524 Oh, Homer, thank goodness you're safe. 433 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,109 -Marge? -I woke up, 434 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,320 and you weren't there, and I was so worried. 435 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,905 Really? You were? 436 00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,282 But how did you find me? 437 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,910 Well... I was sure you'd be on foot 438 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,244 because you always say 439 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,747 public transportation is for losers, 440 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,665 and I was sure you'd head west 441 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,627 because Springfield slopes down that way, 442 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,545 and then I saw the lighthouse, 443 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,840 and I remembered how you love blinking lights-- 444 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,926 like the one on the waffle iron. 445 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:22,137 Or that little guy on the "don't walk" sign. 446 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,764 -Yeah. -Wow, Marge, 447 00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,599 you really do understand me. 448 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,768 See, I thought we weren't soul mates because-- 449 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,019 We had a fight? 450 00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,854 Right, and we don't like the same things. 451 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,065 -It's like you're from Venus-- -And you're from Mars. 452 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,859 Oh sure, give me the one with all the monsters. 453 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,861 Homer, don't you see? 454 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,489 Our differences are only skin deep. 455 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:44,117 But our sames go right down to the bone. 456 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,494 Maybe we do have-- 457 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:48,330 A profound mystical understanding? 458 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,499 Hey. We do! 459 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,960 Oh, Marge! 460 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,712 We're number one! We're number one! 461 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,006 In your face, space coyote. 462 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,299 Space coyote? 463 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,051 -(horn blowing) -Oh, my God! 464 00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:03,595 -The ship! -We'll all be killed! 465 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:04,846 The light. 466 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,139 We got to get the light back on. 467 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,066 Jonathan Livingston Seagull! 468 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:17,567 We're on a collision course! 469 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,735 Hard a-starboard! 470 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:19,820 Uh, port? 471 00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:21,697 Aye, port. 472 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,782 They see us. 473 00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:26,243 They're starting to turn. 474 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:27,911 We did it. 475 00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,830 We sure did... 476 00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:31,790 soul mate. 477 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:33,709 (moaning) 478 00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:36,086 (metal scraping) 479 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,882 (clamoring) 480 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,509 (whistles) 481 00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:44,428 Look at all them hot pants. 482 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,013 Hey, who likes short shorts? 483 00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:48,598 ALL: We like short shorts! 484 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:49,808 ♪♪ (rock intro) 485 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,436 ♪ Who wears short shorts? ♪ 486 00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,939 {\an8}♪ We wear short shorts ♪ 487 00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,776 {\an8}♪ They're such short shorts ♪ 488 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:03,822 {\an8}♪ We like short shorts ♪ 489 00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:07,451 {\an8}♪ Who wears short shorts? ♪ 490 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,455 {\an8}♪ We wear short shorts ♪ 491 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:14,416 {\an8}(saxophone solo) 492 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,813 {\an8}♪ Who wears short shorts... ♪ 493 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,443 Shh! 494 00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,532 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.