1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,257 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,427 {\an8}D'oh! 4 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,178 {\an8}-Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,944 {\an8}(goofy laugh) 6 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,823 {\an8}I hope you enjoyed my one-man pie fight, kids. 7 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:35,910 {\an8}Now it's time for another fanshmabulous episode of... 8 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,121 {\an8}-Itchy & Scratchy! -♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪ 9 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,464 {\an8}(screaming) 10 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,217 {\an8}(laughing) 11 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,391 {\an8}(sighs) 12 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:01,895 {\an8}Uh-oh. 13 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,442 {\an8}(screaming) 14 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,448 {\an8}Kids? 15 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,367 {\an8}Kids? 16 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,745 {\an8}You're missing "The Itchy & Scratchy show." 17 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:19,788 {\an8}Don't you like it anymore? 18 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,873 {\an8}Sure. We love it. 19 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,709 {\an8}But how can we watch TV when it's so beautiful out? 20 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,169 {\an8}Well, yeah, Mom. 21 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,921 {\an8}I mean, we love you and Dad, too, 22 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,297 {\an8}but God knows, we don't need to see you every day. 23 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,216 {\an8}An occasional hug is all I ask. 24 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:32,675 {\an8}Mmm... 25 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,969 {\an8}Mom! You can hug me when I'm asleep. 26 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,679 {\an8}-I do. -(screams) 27 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,266 {\an8}(Krusty groaning) 28 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,435 {\an8}Hey, Krusty, you look great. 29 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:43,895 {\an8}You get your teeth bleached? 30 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,897 {\an8}Yeah, it's a new kind of polymer treatment... 31 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,524 {\an8}Hey, shut up! 32 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,442 You're here 'cause your Itchy & Scratchy cartoons 33 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,027 are stinking up my ratings. 34 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,113 Look at this breakdown of yesterday's show. 35 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,239 Uh... Uh... 36 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,532 Eeyah... Kaboom. 37 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,908 What happened here? 38 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,576 Lightning hit the transmitter? 39 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,078 See, that's what I thought at first... 40 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,663 Hey, shut up! 41 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:05,041 That crater is where your lousy cartoon crash-landed! 42 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,626 It's ratings poison! 43 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,504 But Itchy & Scratchy is critically acclaimed. 44 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:10,505 Acclaimed? 45 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,048 (spits) 46 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,676 I ought to replace it right now with a Chinese cartoon 47 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,637 where the robots turn into... Blingwads! 48 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,099 But I'm a lazy, lazy man, Roger. 49 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,101 So I'll give you one more chance. 50 00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,936 Now, get out! 51 00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,896 Don't come back till you've fixed Itchy & Scratchy. 52 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,190 (crashing glass) 53 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:32,402 WOMAN: Okay, Mel, you can go in now. 54 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,113 Krusty, I've come to solicit donations 55 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,489 for the rock 'n roll museum, 56 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,783 and I'll come back later. 57 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,830 I need to purchase a brassiere. 58 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:46,416 You kids wait over here in the credit department. 59 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,042 Oh, can't we just wander around 60 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,544 and meet you back here later? 61 00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:52,046 Mmm... Okay, just be careful. 62 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,344 Would you kids like to come with me? 63 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,555 -Okay, I guess so. -Sounds good to me. Let's go. 64 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:04,184 All right, thanks for participating in our focus group, kids. 65 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,977 Today, we're going to show you some 66 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,896 Itchy & Scratchy cartoons. 67 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,522 (all cheering) 68 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,690 Cool! 69 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:11,858 We want you to tell us what you think 70 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,776 and be honest because 71 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,987 no one from the show is here spying on you. 72 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,822 (muffled sneeze) 73 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,365 Why is that mirror sneezing? 74 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,993 Uh, look, it's just an old, creaky mirror. 75 00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,870 Sometimes it sounds a little like it's 76 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,997 sneezing or coughing or talking softly. 77 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,498 Hmm... 78 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,794 Now you each have a knob in front of you. 79 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:35,006 When you like what you see, turn the knob to the right. 80 00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:38,092 When you don't like what you see, turn it left. 81 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,595 My knob tastes funny. 82 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:42,222 Please refrain from tasting the knob. 83 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,351 ♪♪ 84 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,147 (cries out) 85 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,609 (laughter) 86 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:02,784 Hey, quit it! 87 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,495 (laughter) 88 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,789 They like Itchy. They like Scratchy. 89 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:11,000 One kid seems to love the Speedo man. 90 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,710 What more do they want? 91 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,296 Okay, how many of you kids would like Itchy & Scratchy 92 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,632 to deal with real-life problems 93 00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,259 like the ones you face every day? 94 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,552 -I would! -Great idea! Yeah, that's it! 95 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,389 And who would like to see them do just the opposite, 96 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,224 getting into far-out situations 97 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,601 involving robots and magic powers? 98 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:29,852 -Oh, cool! -Me! 99 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,938 -Cool! -Yeah, that's I want! 100 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,650 So, you want a realistic, down-to-earth show... 101 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,151 that's completely off the wall 102 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,028 and swarming with magic robots. 103 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,655 -That's right. -Yeah, good. 104 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:43,408 And also, you should win things by watching. 105 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,243 (sighs) 106 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,287 You kids don't know what you want! 107 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,956 That's why you're still kids-- 'cause you're stupid! 108 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,750 Just tell me what's wrong with the freakin' show! 109 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,462 (crying) 110 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,256 -Mommy! -(buzzer sounds) 111 00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:00,174 Um, excuse me, sir. 112 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,427 The thing is, there's not really anything wrong 113 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,304 with "The Itchy and Scratchy Show." 114 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,305 It's as good as ever. 115 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,056 But after so many years, 116 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,935 the characters just can't have the same impact they once had. 117 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,770 That's it. 118 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,689 That's it, little girl! 119 00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,065 You've saved "Itchy & Scratchy"! 120 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,608 Please sign these papers 121 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,736 indicating you did not save "Itchy & Scratchy." 122 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,946 I have figured out 123 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,531 how to rejuvenate the show. 124 00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,366 It is so simple 125 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,660 you egghead writers would've never thought of it. 126 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,787 What we need is... 127 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,331 a new character! 128 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,624 One that today's kids can relate to! 129 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,337 Are you absolutely sure that's wise, sir? 130 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,714 I don't want to sound pretentious here, but... 131 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,300 Itchy & Scratchy comprise a dramaturgical dyad. 132 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:44,010 Hey, this ain't art; it's business! 133 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,303 What do you got in mind? 134 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,263 Sexy broad? Gangster octopus? 135 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,514 No... No. 136 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,892 The animal chain of command goes 137 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:54,103 mouse, cat, dog. 138 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,938 D-O-G. 139 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,524 Uh, a dog? Isn't that a tad predictable? 140 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,151 In your dreams. 141 00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,528 We're talking the original dog from hell. 142 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,488 You mean Cerberus? 143 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,825 We at the network want a dog with attitude. 144 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,577 He's edgy. He's in your face. 145 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,913 You've heard the expression "Let's get busy"? 146 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:15,291 Well, this is a dog who gets biz-zay... 147 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,251 consistently and thoroughly. 148 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,294 So, he's proactive, huh? 149 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,004 Oh, God, yes. 150 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,715 We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm. 151 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:26,052 Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"-- 152 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,512 Aren't these just buzzwords 153 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,514 that dumb people use to sound important? 154 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:32,517 Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. 155 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:33,851 I'm fired, aren't I? 156 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:34,894 Oh, yes. 157 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,229 The rest of you writers 158 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,147 start thinking up a name for this funky dog. 159 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,566 I don't know, something along the lines of, say... "Poochie" 160 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,777 only more proactive. 161 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,320 Yeah! 162 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,158 -(door slams) -So, "Poochie" okay with everybody? 163 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,120 -Yeah. -Yeah. You know, it's good. 164 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,748 No, no, no. 165 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,251 He was supposed to have attitude. 166 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:01,379 Um, wh-what do you mean, exactly? 167 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:04,215 Oh, you know, attitude, attitude! 168 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,259 Uh... Sunglasses! 169 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,761 Can we put him in more of a hip-hop context? 170 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,347 Forget context. He's got to be a surfer. 171 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,057 Give me a nice shmear of surfer. 172 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:16,561 I feel we should rasta-fy him by 10% or so. 173 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,234 Mm. 174 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,361 I think he needs a little more attitude. 175 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,406 -Oh, yeah, bingo. -Yeah! 176 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:30,741 -There it is, right there. That's it. -I love it. 177 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,412 Hey, Lis, look, 178 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,706 they're adding a new character to "Itchy & Scratchy"! 179 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,332 Poochie the Dog? 180 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,460 Adding a new character is often a desperate attempt 181 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,044 to boost low ratings. 182 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,630 Yo, yo! How's it hanging, everybody? 183 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,090 Morning, Roy. 184 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,508 Yeah, hi, Roy. 185 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:48,968 Hey! They're having open casting 186 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,470 for the voice of Poochie. 187 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,804 You should try out, Dad. 188 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,390 -You have a funny voice. -I do not! 189 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,642 Haven't you ever listened to yourself on a tape recorder? 190 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,436 I prefer to listen to Cheap Trick. 191 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:00,480 Well, here, say something. 192 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,899 Hey... This is Homer Simpson saying 193 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,861 howdy to all the girls out there in radio-land. 194 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,488 (tape rewinding) 195 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:11,157 Hey, this is Homer Simpson saying... 196 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,534 Ah! I don't sound like that, do I? 197 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:17,622 Oh... I don't like having such a hilarious voice. 198 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,625 That hilarious voice could be your ticket to stardom. 199 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:29,175 Whoa, a talking dog! 200 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,885 (chuckles) 201 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,846 What were you guys smoking when you came up with that? 202 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,057 We were eating rotisserie chicken. 203 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,975 Can you just read the line, please? 204 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,519 "Ruff, ruff! 205 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,480 I am Poochie, the Rockin' Dog!" 206 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,940 You're perfect! 207 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,942 In fact, you're better than perfect! 208 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,736 Next to you, perfection is crap. 209 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:52,323 "Ruff, ruff! I'm Poochie, the Rockin' Dog!" 210 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,408 Hi. I'm Troy McClure. 211 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,327 You may remember me from such cartoons 212 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,787 as "Christmas Ape" 213 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,581 And "Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp." 214 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,792 You're even better than this guy! 215 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,335 Take a hike, you bum. 216 00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:05,586 (grumbles) 217 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,047 (clears throat) "Ruff, ruff! 218 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,091 I'm Poochie, the Rockin' Dog!" 219 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:14,011 Now, that's just bad. You got no attitude, you're barely outrageous 220 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,055 and I don't know what you're in, but it's not my face. 221 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,515 Next. 222 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:21,519 Oh, no attitude, eh? Not in your face, huh? 223 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,146 Well, you can cram it with walnuts, ugly! 224 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,898 That's it, that's the Poochie attitude! 225 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,525 Do that again. 226 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,027 Huh? I can't. I don't remember what I did. 227 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,113 Then you don't get the job. Next! 228 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,699 Oh, I don't get the job, do I? 229 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,993 Well, boo-hoo... 230 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,204 I don't get to be a cartoon dog. 231 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,540 That's it! You've got the job! 232 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:45,918 Oh, now I got the job, huh? 233 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:46,877 Oh. Thank you. 234 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,258 Okay, Homer, 235 00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,968 let's get a level check on your voice. 236 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:59,265 She smells sheet smells by the sheet store. 237 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,683 Wait, wait. Let me try it again. 238 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,643 Relax, Homer. You'll do fine. 239 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,061 I'm June Bellamy. 240 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,855 I do the voices of Itchy and Scratchy. 241 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,150 You? But you're a lady. 242 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,651 (as Itchy) She's a lady, all right. 243 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,279 (as Scratchy) A beautiful lady. 244 00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:15,281 (laughing) 245 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,950 Hey, that really is you. 246 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,785 How'd you get to be so good? 247 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,954 Oh, just experience, I suppose. 248 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,497 I started out as Roadrunner. 249 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,708 -(as Roadrunner): Meep! -You mean meep-meep? 250 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,793 No, they only paid me to say it once 251 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,670 then they doubled it up on the soundtrack. 252 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,047 Cheap bastards. 253 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,299 -You folks ready to begin? -Uh, I guess. 254 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,217 Is this episode going on the air live? 255 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,636 No, Homer. 256 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,596 Very few cartoons are broadcast live. 257 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,556 It's a terrible strain on the animator's wrist. 258 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,237 Hi, question for Miss Bellamy. 259 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,031 In episode 2f09 260 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,450 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone 261 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,911 he strikes the same rib twice in succession 262 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:05,081 yet he produces two clearly different tones. 263 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,583 I mean, what are we to believe that this is some sort of... 264 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,627 (derisive snort) 265 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,504 Magic xylophone or something? 266 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,382 Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder. 267 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,675 Uh, well, uh... 268 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,510 I'll field this one. 269 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,969 Let me ask you a question. 270 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,722 Why would a man whose shirt says "Genius at work" 271 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,892 spend all of his time watching a children's cartoon show? 272 00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,854 I withdraw my question. 273 00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:32,483 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Simpson. 274 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:35,653 On the "Itchy & Scratchy" CD-ROM 275 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,489 is there a way to get out of the dungeon 276 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,282 without using the wizard key? 277 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,784 What the hell are you talking about? 278 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,077 You're a lifesaver, Homer. 279 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,913 I can't deal with these hardcore fans. 280 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,666 (clears throat) Your attention, please! 281 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,750 MAN: Uh, in episode-- 282 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,294 Eh, your attention, please! 283 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,130 Mr. Simpson will now be autographing 284 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,465 8-by-10 glossies of Poochie. 285 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,759 One per customer. 286 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,053 Please form a line. There will be no cutting. 287 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,389 I'm talking to you, Mr. Cutter. 288 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:04,765 Pardon me. Look out. 289 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,643 Pardon me. Excuse me. Hot soup. 290 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,520 Hi. Kindly make one out to me 291 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,273 and three out to my friend of the same name. 292 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,775 MARGE: I'm so glad you could join us 293 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,068 for Homer's big premiere. 294 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,987 BARNEY: Poochie's based on me. 295 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,281 Is this seat taken, little girl? 296 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,575 I'm not a girl. Are you blind? 297 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,826 Yes. 298 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,786 I am stoked, Mr. S. 299 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,663 Shh. Everybody, it's coming on. 300 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,752 Once in a great while we are privileged 301 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:36,881 to experience a television event so extraordinary 302 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,216 it becomes part of our shared heritage. 303 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,093 1969: 304 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,721 Man walks on the moon. 305 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,723 1971: 306 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:49,059 Man walks on the moon, again. 307 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,604 Then for a long time nothing happened... 308 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,606 Until tonight. 309 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,524 Behold the future of comedy: 310 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,942 Poochie! 311 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,235 (all cheering) 312 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,198 ♪ They fight and bite ♪ 313 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,908 ♪ And bark ♪ 314 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,576 ♪ They fight and bite and bite and bark ♪ 315 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:06,952 ♪ Fight, bite, bark woof, woof, woof ♪ 316 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,038 ♪ The Itchy & Scratchy ♪ 317 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,332 ♪ And Poochie show ♪ 318 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,970 Look, Scratchy. 319 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,640 It's our new friend, Poochie. 320 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,558 What's that name again? 321 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,185 I forgot. 322 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,311 ♪ The name's Poochie D ♪ 323 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,230 ♪ And I rock the telly ♪ 324 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,023 ♪ I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli ♪ 325 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,526 ♪ I'm the kung fu hippie from Gangsta City ♪ 326 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,735 ♪ I'm a rappin' surfer ♪ 327 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,612 ♪ You the fool I pity ♪ 328 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:45,074 Ooh, Poochie is one outrageous dude. 329 00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:47,034 He's totally in my face. 330 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,621 Wiggity-wiggity word up. Rock on, party. 331 00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:52,414 When are they going to get 332 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,333 to the fireworks factory? 333 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,502 (sobbing) 334 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,838 Could somebody tell me what the hell is going on? 335 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,297 Midge, help me out here. 336 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,466 Quiet. You're missing the jokes. 337 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,843 ♪♪ 338 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,724 Catch you on the flip side, dudemeisters. 339 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,059 Not! 340 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,688 Hey, kids, always recycle... 341 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,648 to the extreme! 342 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:18,774 Bust it! 343 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:24,989 Ah, that stunk. 344 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,825 Well, what did everybody think? 345 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,328 (murmuring) 346 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:34,832 (clearing throats) 347 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,667 Homer, I can honestly say 348 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,878 that was the best episode of "Impy and Chimpy" 349 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,296 I've ever seen. 350 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,714 Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer. 351 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:45,259 You, uh... You got a beautiful home here. 352 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:55,352 So, it was pretty okay, huh? 353 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:56,812 Mom, can we go to bed without dinner? 354 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,064 Yes, we can. 355 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,482 (doors slam) 356 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,234 Well, at least I liked it. 357 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,612 Didn't I? 358 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,864 HOMER'S BRAIN: Oh, you don't want to know what I really think. 359 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:09,450 Now, look sad and say "D'oh." 360 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,035 D'oh. 361 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,833 I'm the worst Poochie ever. 362 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,293 No, it's not your fault, Dad. 363 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,753 You did fine. 364 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,588 It's just that Poochie was a soulless 365 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,548 by-product of committee thinking. 366 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,883 You can't be cool just by spouting 367 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,676 a bunch of worn-out buzzwords. 368 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,886 Don't have a cow, Lis. 369 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,137 Bart's right. 370 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,389 Let's none of us have a cow. 371 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:33,766 All that matters 372 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,726 is that the fans of the show liked it. 373 00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:37,811 Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, 374 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:41,732 without a doubt, the worst episode ever. 375 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,443 Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes 376 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,612 registering my disgust throughout the world. 377 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:49,865 Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain? 378 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,951 As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me. 379 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,119 What? 380 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,621 They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. 381 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:56,956 What could they possibly owe you? 382 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,291 I mean, if anything, you owe them. 383 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,669 Worst episode ever. 384 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,504 It looks like the beginning of the end 385 00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:05,798 for the venerable "Itchy & Scratchy" program. 386 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:09,093 For years, TV critics such as yours truly, Kent Brockman, 387 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,387 have waited impatiently for cracks to appear 388 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,597 in the show's hilarious facade. 389 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,975 Yesterday our prayers were finally answered 390 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:20,980 when Poochie the Dog made his howlingly unfunny debut. 391 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,565 Far be it for me to gloat at another's downfall, 392 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,858 but I have a feeling 393 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,986 no children are going to be crying 394 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,238 when this puppy is put to sleep. 395 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,656 (laughing) 396 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,242 (bawling) 397 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:34,702 What the hell happened? 398 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,537 Well, I'd attribute the product failure 399 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,872 to fundamental shifts in our key demographic 400 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:41,208 coupled with the overall crumminess of Poochie. 401 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,711 Whoa! You got to stop this thing! 402 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,547 (bawling) 403 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:49,341 Please! I'm getting egged on the street! 404 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,428 Do something! Do something! 405 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,263 (sobbing) 406 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,723 (knocking) 407 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,850 Uh, hi, Mr. Myers. 408 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,393 I've been doing some thinking 409 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,478 and I've got some ideas to improve the show. 410 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,230 I got it right here. 411 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,692 Uh, one: Poochie needs to be louder, angrier, 412 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:09,278 and have access to a time machine. 413 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,989 Two: Whenever Poochie's not on screen, 414 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,575 all the other characters should be asking, 415 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,076 "Where's Poochie?" 416 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,703 -Three... -Great, great. 417 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,663 Just leave them right there on the floor 418 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,498 on your way out. 419 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,459 WRITER: Thanks, Homer, great. 420 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,670 Hmm... 421 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,422 (muffled voices) 422 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,516 Listen, guys we got to do something about Poochie. 423 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,643 KRUSTY: There's only one thing we can do. 424 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,900 Then they said they were going to kill Poochie off! 425 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,319 Really? Oh, how terrible. 426 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,071 Yes. Terrible. 427 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,989 It's not your fault, Homer. 428 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,991 It's those lousy writers. 429 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,202 They make me madder than a, um... 430 00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,787 Yak in heat! 431 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,414 You're right, Marge. It's not my fault. 432 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,708 I'm not gonna let them treat Poochie like dirt anymore 433 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,627 just because he's the new guy. 434 00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,212 Right on, Mr. S.! 435 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,254 Put a sock in it, Roy. 436 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:14,134 Okay, so here's where Itchy lunges at Poochie 437 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,719 with a rusty chain saw. 438 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,596 Cue sound effects. 439 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:18,597 (chain saw buzzing) 440 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,723 Rustier! 441 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,725 (shrill buzzing) 442 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,478 Are you prepared to die, Poochie? 443 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,397 No, I am not. 444 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,109 Oh, cut, cut, cut, cut! 445 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,611 Just stick to the script as written, Homer. 446 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:36,115 You're supposed to say, "Please, cut off my head. 447 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,324 I don't deserve to live." 448 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,867 Never! 449 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,122 (murmuring) 450 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,833 You can't just kill off a classic TV character. 451 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,252 Poochie could be bigger than curly fries 452 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,587 but first he has to win back the audience. 453 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,840 That's why I'm going to read these lines I wrote myself 454 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,133 with my own two hands. 455 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,676 Forget it, Homer! 456 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:58,262 We can do this show without you if we have to. 457 00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,972 But not without me. 458 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,015 Aw, jeez. 459 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:05,144 Let him try the new lines. 460 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,354 All right. All right. 461 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,231 We'll try it. Action. 462 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,816 Hi, Poochie! 463 00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:13,443 You look like you've got something to say. 464 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,486 Do you? 465 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,197 Yes, I certainly do. 466 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,241 Hello there, Itchy. 467 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,993 I know there's a lot of people 468 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:23,495 who don't like me and wish I would go away, 469 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,456 but I think we got off on the wrong foot. 470 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,333 I know I can come off a little proactive 471 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,960 and for that, I'm sorry. 472 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:33,005 But if everyone could find a place in their hearts 473 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,549 for the little dog nobody wanted 474 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:38,177 I know we can make them laugh 475 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,638 and cry... until we grow old together. 476 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,682 And... cut. 477 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,655 Now kids, I know you loved the old Poochie, 478 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,241 but the new one's going to be better 479 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,868 than ten Super Bowls! 480 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,912 I don't want to oversell it. Judge for yourself. 481 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:08,665 (buzzing) 482 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,083 Well, look who's here! 483 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,668 Hi, Poochie! 484 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,004 You look like you've got something to say. 485 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,130 Do you? 486 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,424 Yes, I certainly do. 487 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,343 MR. MYERS VOICE: I have to go now. 488 00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:20,886 My planet needs me. 489 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,309 BART: Wow! Poochie came from another planet? 490 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,144 Uh, I guess. 491 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,313 Hey, that wasn't supposed to happen! 492 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,523 Those finks double-crossed me! 493 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,150 Poochie's dead! 494 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,152 (goofy laugh) 495 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,279 (cheering) 496 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:42,449 Now kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon characters die, 497 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,326 they're back again the very next week. 498 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,703 That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit 499 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:51,416 the Poochie will never, ever, ever return! 500 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,419 This document conforms to all applicable laws and statutes. 501 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,630 (kids cheer) 502 00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:58,048 Oh, yeah. 503 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,051 Tough break, Dad. 504 00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:02,886 I guess people just weren't ready for Poochie. 505 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,054 Maybe in a few years. 506 00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:06,265 Good news, everybody. 507 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:11,520 I'm moving into my own apartment with two sexy ladies. 508 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:14,022 Oh, then I guess this is good-bye, Roy. 509 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,024 Maybe we'll see you in a few years. 510 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,277 -(kisses) -(clicks tongue) 511 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,112 Well, I guess I learned my lesson. 512 00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,530 The thing is, 513 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:24,157 I lost creative control of the project. 514 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:27,119 And I forgot to ask for any money. 515 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,578 Well, live and learn. 516 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,206 ♪♪ 517 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,628 (sighs) 518 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,338 (screams) 519 00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:40,424 (Bart and Lisa laughing) 520 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:44,052 It's back to the basics. Classic "Itchy & Scratchy." 521 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,804 We should thank our lucky stars 522 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,931 they're still putting on a program of this caliber 523 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,474 after so many years. 524 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:52,978 What else is on? 525 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,778 {\an8}♪♪ 526 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:41,318 Shh! 527 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,574 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.