1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,797 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,425 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,893 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,108 (whistle blowing) 5 00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,156 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,871 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:58,767 --> 00:00:59,893 (honking horn) 8 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:01,853 (tires screeching) 9 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,066 D'oh! (screams) 10 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,901 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,321 (thud) 12 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,333 ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy show ♪ 13 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:28,922 {\an8}Um. 14 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,381 {\an8}(clicking tongue) 15 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,010 {\an8}(sobbing) 16 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,429 {\an8}He was so young. 17 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:42,602 {\an8}(sobbing) So sad. 18 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,270 {\an8}(gulping) 19 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:48,399 Ooh! 20 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,528 {\an8}-(clattering) -Hey! 21 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:54,197 (tittering) 22 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,201 -Eh! -Ah! 23 00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,953 -(raucous laugh) -(thud) 24 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,621 -(gunshots) -(yelling) 25 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,206 (sawing) 26 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,875 (banging, clanking) 27 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,002 (banging) 28 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:10,839 (beep) 29 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,551 (sawing, banging, whirring) 30 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:20,515 (screaming) 31 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:22,809 (raucous laughter) 32 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,730 {\an8}(laughter continues) 33 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,275 {\an8}OK. Here goes. 34 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,487 {\an8}Cloning is a troubling issue. 35 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,240 {\an8}I like the ones where the mouse kills the cat. 36 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:39,784 {\an8}What's in the box, Mom? 37 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:40,869 {\an8}This box? 38 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,120 {\an8}Oh, nothing. 39 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,746 Are you sure? You sound nervous. 40 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:44,956 {\an8}Well, anyone would be nervous 41 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,499 {\an8}with all the economic turmoil 42 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,334 you read about in the-- Huh! 43 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,128 Get her! She's doing something! 44 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:51,629 -(door slamming) -(grunting) 45 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,465 -(banging) -(grunting) 46 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,844 {\an8}-It's the goodwill truck! -(gasping) She cleaned out the attic! 47 00:02:58,887 --> 00:02:59,846 {\an8}Our junk! 48 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,264 {\an8}And the exits are sealed. 49 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,390 {\an8}Go to plan B. 50 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,559 (grunting) 51 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:06,519 (grunting) 52 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,022 Good God! Come on! 53 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,693 (panting) 54 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,612 (gasps) Go! Go! 55 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:16,863 {\an8}-I'm trying! -(engine starting) 56 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,031 {\an8}Stop yelling at me! 57 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,324 (engine roaring) 58 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,660 Oh, no. You don't! 59 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,495 (grunts) 60 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,998 Oh, precious heirlooms. 61 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:29,083 {\an8}Daddy would never let them take you. 62 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:33,963 (continuous grunting) 63 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:36,674 (groans) 64 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,010 {\an8}Ooh! That was scary. 65 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:43,264 {\an8}We came this close to losing our spare Christmas tree stand. 66 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,307 You monster! 67 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,350 Look. Here's the box 68 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:46,434 from my Pitch Back. 69 00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:47,435 If I still had it, I could 70 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:48,519 put it in here. 71 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,021 {\an8}(sighs) I'll never get rid 72 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,689 {\an8}of this useless junk. 73 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,650 Useless? This flashcube 74 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,526 has two flashes left. 75 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,904 {\an8}You guys never use any of this stuff. 76 00:03:57,987 --> 00:04:03,117 {\an8}Look at these. You bought them after the Nagano Olympics and never skied once. 77 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,954 {\an8}If you would just stop being so impulsive, maybe-- 78 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,789 {\an8}Hey, let's go skiing right now! 79 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,165 {\an8}Yeah, Dad. Let's go skiing! 80 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,292 {\an8}(all clamoring) 81 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,418 {\an8}No! 82 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,968 {\an8}OK, here it comes. Keep your eyes on the chair. 83 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,053 Look, Dad, it's the drummer from Bread ! 84 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:23,805 (gasps) Where? Stop! 85 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,056 (laughing) 86 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:28,309 (frightened yell) 87 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,228 (chattering scream) 88 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:32,647 (grunts) 89 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:38,945 Wow, this chair lift sure goes high. 90 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,698 Oh, finally. 91 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,202 (Marge gasps) 92 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,872 Some gentle rocking will relax you, Mom. 93 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:50,957 -(creaking) -(moaning) 94 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,333 -Stop it! -(moaning) 95 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,428 {\an8}Uh. See, Mom? You conquered your fears, 96 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,764 {\an8}-and now you're ready to-- -I'm sorry! 97 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:11,269 Hmm, "The Widowmaker." Oh, that one's for the ladies. 98 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,105 "Spinebuster." Boring. 99 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:16,816 Ooh, "Colostomizer." 100 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,528 (grunts) Don't hurt me. Here's my wallet. 101 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,824 {\an8}(laughs) Hi-diddly-ho, schuss-in-boots. 102 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,242 (gasps) Flanders! 103 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,703 That suit's a little revealing, isn't it? 104 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:31,497 Well, it allows for maximum mobility. 105 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:34,042 Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. 106 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,836 (shrieks) Quit it! Must wash eyes! 107 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,173 {\an8}Uh-oh. Ooh. 108 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:44,052 OK, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said, 109 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,971 "If you ever get into any trouble, all you need to do is-- 110 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,390 Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all-- 111 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,060 Nothing at all-- Nothing at all!" 112 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,854 (gasps) Stupid, sexy Flanders! 113 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,898 Ow, my legs! 114 00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:59,150 This is the worst pain ever. 115 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,652 (continuous grunts) 116 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,322 (forlorn sobbing) 117 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:10,661 (continuous grunts) 118 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,038 (groans) 119 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:13,748 Single. 120 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,541 (chuckles) 121 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:23,674 (panting) So hard, but so rewarding. (chuckles) 122 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,178 Downhill skiers missing. Fun. 123 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,805 Oh, who am I kidding? 124 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,936 {\an8}Wow! What a perfect scene. 125 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,562 {\an8}This was so worth it. 126 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,526 (gasps) Don't worry, little friends. I won't hurt you. 127 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,319 (snarling) 128 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:45,571 {\an8}Eep! 129 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,032 -(snarling) -(yelling) 130 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,827 (panting, grunting) 131 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:51,953 (snarling) 132 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,747 Leave those deer alone. 133 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,916 But they were trying to eat me. 134 00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,251 (chuckles) Those deer? 135 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,172 -But they-- -Come on. I'll drop you off at the lodge. 136 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,636 (hissing) 137 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,972 Whoa! Flat 540! 138 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,890 I'm getting aggro on this kicker. 139 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,559 {\an8}Stomp that pickle revert. 140 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:18,104 Excellent. Your lingo is progressing nicely. 141 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,856 -Can I go to the bathroom? -(grunts) 142 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,274 Say it in "Snowboard." 143 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,276 {\an8}Um, I got to blast a dookie. 144 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,569 Dook on! 145 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,699 Snow Fox at 5:00. 146 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:34,537 ♪ Move it in, shove it out, Disco lady ♪ 147 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:38,291 -Is this seat taken? -I think that's an armrest. 148 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,877 So, do you party? 149 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,380 You mean, like, uh, hats and noisemakers kind of party? 150 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,674 Sure, baby. Whatever your trip is. 151 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:50,887 Disco Stu wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing. 152 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,221 Who's Disco Stu? 153 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,932 -Hey, Mom! -Hi, pumpkins. 154 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:55,975 Kids? 155 00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:58,978 ♪ Back away, not today Disco lady ♪ 156 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,646 {\an8}Have you been in here all day? 157 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,356 You missed all the fun. 158 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,067 Skiing fanny-first into a crevasse 159 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,861 isn't my idea of fun. 160 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:11,032 The only risk I'm taking is running out of marshmallows. (laughs) 161 00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:13,743 -(grunts) -Somebody get a doctor. 162 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:17,580 -(panting) -Aw, man, another clock accident. 163 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,457 No wonder. Look at this. 164 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,628 (straining) 165 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,297 -That ought to hold it. -(creaking) 166 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,720 I want my wife to get the best treatment money can buy. 167 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,264 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't go nuts. 168 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,893 Nah, better than that. Perfect. 169 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,897 -(engine starting) -(siren wailing) 170 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,861 Yeesh. I can't believe she went home with those guys. 171 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:56,786 Well, as you can see, it's a compound fracture. 172 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,955 The leg must remain motionless. 173 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:02,917 Otherwise, a hunk of bone could zoom right to her brain. (chuckles) 174 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,710 I can't be in the hospital. 175 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,504 Tomorrow is laundry day, 176 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,090 and I've got to de-meat Lisa's bologna. 177 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,591 We'll be fine, honey. 178 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,802 The main thing is for you to get better. 179 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:15,221 {\an8}And don't worry. All the laundry and dirty dishes 180 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:16,472 will be there when you get back. 181 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,807 {\an8}No, they won't. 182 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,308 {\an8}We'll all pitch in on the housework. 183 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,852 {\an8}Right, guys? Guys? 184 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,148 -(chuckles) Take that. -(grunts) Hey! Hey! 185 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,942 Sweetie, it's nice that you want to 186 00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,402 take charge around the house. 187 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:31,028 But don't be a hero. 188 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,699 Just make sure your father eats all his meals over a tarp, 189 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,158 but not the good tarp. 190 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,703 I want you to get married on that someday. 191 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,455 {\an8}Oh, Mom, I've seen what you do around the house, 192 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,291 {\an8}and I can handle it. 193 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,876 {\an8}Maybe, I can even make things more efficient. 194 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,338 Oh, really? Well, knock yourself out. 195 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,966 Just don't expect any miracles from those two. 196 00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:53,384 BART: Got you! Got you! 197 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,510 Good Lord! You're wasting 198 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,553 thousands of dollars 199 00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:56,929 worth of interferon. 200 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,139 And you're "interferon" 201 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,057 with our good time. (chuckles) 202 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,183 (spits) 203 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,644 Well, I'll be. 204 00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,771 That cured my canker sores. 205 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,900 (yawns) 206 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:13,529 {\an8}-Morning. -Dad, where are your clothes? 207 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,655 I don't know. 208 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,450 Don't tell me Mom dresses you. 209 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:21,120 I guess, or one of her friends. (munching) 210 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,958 OK, now, we're going to draw jobs from the chore hat. 211 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,086 Come on, bikini inspector. 212 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,173 "Scrub toilet." OK, that was a practice. 213 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,217 Practice. Practice. 214 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,679 {\an8}OK, here we go. "Feed fish." 215 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,015 -I'll supervise. -You know, the reason for the hat-- 216 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:42,099 Oh, it's a great hat. 217 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,684 No one's questioning the hat. 218 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,561 Will you at least do the dishes? 219 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,021 Lisa, I'll do the dishes 220 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:49,065 when I pick it out of the chore hat, 221 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,691 and it's not a practice. 222 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,235 See? There it is. 223 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,528 But that was a practice. 224 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:55,821 The system works. 225 00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,242 -Come on, eat, you lazy fish. -(honking) 226 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,577 {\an8}Oh! You're going to be late. 227 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:08,000 {\an8}Here are your lunches, and no trading your fruit for firecrackers. 228 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,419 Oh, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets. 229 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,505 {\an8}You stay away from Lenny. 230 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:13,923 {\an8}Where's your sweater, Bart? 231 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,341 {\an8}It unraveled on a nail. 232 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,884 That's not true. He left it on the bus. 233 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,553 -You're dead, squealer. -(grunts) Lisa, help! 234 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,389 Those boys of mine. 235 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,810 Mrs. Simpson! What are you doing? 236 00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:29,355 I couldn't sleep knowing that window had a smudge on it. 237 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,564 You're here to rest. 238 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,816 If you want the window cleaned, 239 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,484 just push the call button. 240 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,528 Oh, I don't want to be a bother. 241 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,863 Wouldn't bother us. It just turns up your morphine. 242 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,410 Oh, so it does. 243 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,619 Stop pushing that! 244 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,913 Mr. Sakamoto is here for your acupressure. 245 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,164 Now, Mrs. Simpson, 246 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,333 just lie back and relax. 247 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,877 Mr. Sakamoto wants you to be comfortable 248 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,838 while he does his thing. 249 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,383 Oh, I don't think I need any-- 250 00:11:57,466 --> 00:12:01,429 Ooh... Oh, wow! 251 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:07,268 OK, guys, dinner's ready! 252 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,813 -(footsteps) -(eating noisily) 253 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,314 {\an8}The cheese isn't quite melted. 254 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,524 {\an8}Let me just pop it back in the... 255 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,025 {\an8}-(growls) -Here you go. 256 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,319 Hmm. (gasps) 257 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,530 Slivered almonds for the green beans. 258 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,449 I'll be right back. 259 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,411 (clattering) 260 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:27,371 (loud belch) 261 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:29,707 (sighs) 262 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:34,795 {\an8}-So, how was your day? -(gurgles) 263 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,673 (groans) 264 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,550 (flies buzzing) 265 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,970 Bart, you were supposed to scour the pans. 266 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,138 They need to soak. 267 00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,806 {\an8}You said that four days ago. 268 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,767 {\an8}Look! They're rusted through. 269 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,895 -It's an illusion. -No, it's not. 270 00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:52,646 -I got the groceries. -Good. 271 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,065 (sniffs) Maple soda? 272 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,610 A cell phone full of candy? 273 00:12:58,569 --> 00:12:59,945 Astronaut bread? 274 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,697 It's the bread of astronauts. 275 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,033 I didn't know Aerosmith made a cereal. 276 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,744 {\an8}Dad, I gave you a list. 277 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:07,787 Oh, yeah. 278 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,829 (chuckles) 279 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,289 You were way off. 280 00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:11,582 (growls) 281 00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,334 Hello, lollipop island. 282 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,127 There's a little girl here 283 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,880 who had too many sour balls. 284 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,132 {\an8}-(frustrated sigh) -Anyway, where were we? 285 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,343 {\an8}Hello? Hello? 286 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:23,886 They hung up. 287 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:26,931 (phone rings) 288 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:28,891 Talk to me. 289 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,519 {\an8}Hey, Mom, how's the leg? 290 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:34,396 Leg? Oh! Oh, that. 291 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,731 It's pretty great. 292 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,233 How are things at home? 293 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,984 {\an8}Oh, couldn't be better. 294 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,653 {\an8}-Marco. -BART: Polo. 295 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,071 {\an8}-Marco. -BART: Polo. 296 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,030 {\an8}(cat mewing scared) 297 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,031 {\an8}-HOMER: Marc... -(crash) 298 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,867 -BART (chuckles): Polo. -So, Mom, you think you'll be 299 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,619 getting out of there soon? 300 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,287 I don't know, honey. 301 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,456 I've got a lot of therapy left. 302 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,416 I really thought I could handle this, but-- 303 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,001 I think so, too. Bye. 304 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,462 -(dial tone) -(groans) 305 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,257 RICKY (on TV): Lucy? 306 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,008 (Lucy crying) 307 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,510 FRED: You hit her pretty hard there, Rick. 308 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,513 (laughing) 309 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,098 (TV sound) 310 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:13,143 (groaning, growling) 311 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,938 {\an8}Will you guys turn that thing down? 312 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,983 Sweetie, if we didn't turn it down for the cops 313 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,693 what chance do you have? 314 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,570 (Lucy crying on TV) 315 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,864 HOMER (laughs): He hit her again. 316 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:25,906 (grunts) 317 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:29,285 {\an8}(grumbles, mumbles) 318 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,078 {\an8}LUCY: Losing your marbles, huh, kid? 319 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,204 (shrieks) 320 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:38,002 -Lucy? -Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo Carmichael. 321 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,129 (coughs) And I think there's some more. 322 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,714 What are you doing here? 323 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,007 I came from heaven to help you 324 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,134 get revenge on these bums. 325 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,886 Is there an ashtray around here? 326 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,722 -Will this do? -Thanks, doll. 327 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,015 Now, we need a scheme 328 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:53,684 to teach those slobs a lesson. 329 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,227 {\an8}You mean like when you hid inside 330 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,354 {\an8}the Congo drum to scare Ricky? 331 00:14:57,438 --> 00:15:00,608 Hey, stay away from the drums. That's my bit. 332 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,485 (snaps a finger) I got it! Here's what you do. 333 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,654 Wait until they fall asleep, 334 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,990 then you sneak into their rooms 335 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,409 and make sure they're fast asleep because... 336 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,623 (snoring) 337 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,168 (soft chuckle) 338 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,468 (snoring) 339 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,678 (Homer screams) 340 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,056 BART: My skin! My beautiful skin! 341 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,849 {\an8}(chuckles) 342 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:38,854 -HOMER: Lisa, help! -(both grunting, crying) 343 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,565 (whining) What's wrong with us? 344 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,026 {\an8}(gasps) I don't like the looks of this. 345 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,070 You don't? 'cause that's what I said. 346 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,988 -Tell her, Bart. -Shut up! Shut up! 347 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,657 We better check with a doctor. 348 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,828 Welcome to Virtual Doctor , 349 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,164 from the makers of Dragon Quest and Sim Sandwich. 350 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,874 {\an8}Enter symptoms now! 351 00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,875 {\an8}Let's see. 352 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,919 {\an8}-Crusty sores. -Yes. 353 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,003 {\an8}Horrible wailing. 354 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,005 Yes... Yes! 355 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,341 {\an8}Any exposure to unsanitary conditions? 356 00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,051 {\an8}Duh! We're pigs! 357 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,680 {\an8}OK, and... diagnose. 358 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:14,765 You've got leprosy. 359 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,183 BOTH: Leprosy! 360 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:21,188 {\an8}-(both scream) -BOTH: Unclean! 361 00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:22,773 Help us, Virtual Doc ! 362 00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:25,150 Look at me, I'm on my knees. 363 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,276 Good-bye. 364 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,614 -(whimpering ) -Excellent. 365 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:37,246 Leprosy? I can't believe it. That fortune cookie was right. 366 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,164 {\an8}Why would God punish a kid? 367 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,874 {\an8}I mean, an American kid. 368 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,586 Now, guys, leprosy thrives in filthy conditions. 369 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,755 So your only chance is to clean up the house. 370 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,091 {\an8}-I'll get you a couple of mops. -Mops? 371 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,427 The cure sounds worse than the disease. 372 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,388 At Sunday school, they said, the lepers were cured by some bearded dude. 373 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,140 {\an8}-Jesus? -Yeah, that sounds right. 374 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:58,142 {\an8}Oh, I think we're on the outs with him, 375 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,769 {\an8}but I know someone who's even holier than Jesus. 376 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,979 (doorbell rings) 377 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,441 Hi-diddly-ho, I've-- (grunts) 378 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:08,485 (both crying) 379 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,363 Maude, come quick! The Simpsons are covered with cooties! 380 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,782 -Help us! -We're diseased! 381 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,951 Oh, no! That's leprosy! 382 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,287 Remember those scary lepers in Ben-Hur? 383 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,913 You saw Ben-Hur without me? 384 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,123 We were broken up then. 385 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,500 -Well, that's no-- -(both yell) 386 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,211 BOTH: Brains! 387 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,547 {\an8}Use your brains to help us. 388 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,299 Your delicious brains. 389 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,926 -(Bart groaning) -Oh, those poor souls. 390 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:35,137 {\an8}What's the Christian thing to do? 391 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,892 Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, you wonderful man! 392 00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,935 (kissing) 393 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,731 All right! Food! 394 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,984 -(eating noisily) -(both crying) 395 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,070 Bart! Leave some for Rod and Todd. 396 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,529 {\an8}Here you go, lad. 397 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,364 {\an8}-MAUDE: Todd, no! -(sucking sound) 398 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,787 Uh, listen, Homer, we'd love to help you, 399 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,790 but we're not really set up for lepers. 400 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,708 So you're shunning us? 401 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,001 No, no, no, no, no. 402 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,377 I'm just thinking, we could 403 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,670 send you to a better place. 404 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:09,880 You know, a place where they could 405 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,381 really take care of you. 406 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,550 Oh, thank you, good sir! 407 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,928 -(kisses) -(groans) 408 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,764 -(sucking sound) -(sneezes) 409 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,182 Ooh, that smarts. 410 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,142 Boys, get the alcohol-free alcohol. 411 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,729 {\an8}Well, I shall just get this cast off, 412 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,564 {\an8}and you can go home to your-- 413 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:29,483 {\an8}Oh, my Lord! 414 00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:31,485 Well, it has been a week. 415 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:34,238 Code blue! 1,000 cc's of leg wax, stat! 416 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,698 Lazy, no-good lepers. 417 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,700 Making me clean everything myself. 418 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:39,910 (phone rings) 419 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,120 MOE: Hey, is Homer there? 420 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,663 No, he isn't. 421 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,915 -I don't know where he is. -I'm a little worried. 422 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,459 He usually stops in for an eye-opener on the way to work. 423 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,253 He told us he'd been going to the gym. 424 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,130 (chuckles) Wow! 425 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,049 Anyway, you don't think he could be at another bar, do you? 426 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,384 Because I couldn't take that. 427 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,052 I-I just couldn't. I-- 428 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,221 (sobbing) 429 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,764 Don't hang up on me! 430 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,516 MARGE: I'm home, everybody. 431 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:05,561 Gee, the house looks great. 432 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,646 {\an8}Mom, I lost Dad and Bart. 433 00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:09,523 Lost them? What do you mean? 434 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,359 I tricked them into thinking they had leprosy. 435 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:13,944 Hansen's disease. 436 00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:16,530 You know, like that horrible cream soda? 437 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,073 Well, Dad and Bart ran away, 438 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,284 and no one seems to know where they went. 439 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,994 OK, OK, calm down. 440 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,662 They couldn't have gone too far. 441 00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:24,997 Molokai? 442 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,206 You mean, Hawaii? 443 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,499 Uh-huh. That's the one. 444 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,750 They've got a top-notch 445 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,043 leper colony there, 446 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,503 so we shipped them right off. 447 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,589 (gasps) Ooh, cost us a bundle, too. 448 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,216 I guess we'll have an imagination Christmas this year. 449 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,594 BOTH: Yay! Imagination Christmas! 450 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,345 I got a Pogo stick! 451 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:41,680 I got a hula hoop! 452 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,021 (tires screeching) 453 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,191 Here. 454 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,068 Whoa! This is a hospital? 455 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,195 That it is. 456 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,284 We'll take the cure, bag a few lobsters, 457 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,870 then watch some gay guys get married. 458 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,538 Ah, you must be the Simpsons. 459 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:09,541 Howdy. And thanks for not recoiling in horror. 460 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,210 Thank you for the friendly "howdy." 461 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,753 {\an8}Do we get a room with a view? 462 00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:15,130 Oh, you'll have a great view of the whole beach 463 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,715 {\an8}from the electric needle room. 464 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:18,300 Really? The whole beach? 465 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,469 {\an8}Yes, from the electric needle room. 466 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,638 Electric needle room? 467 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,933 (dolphins twittering) 468 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:32,314 {\an8}-(electrical zapping) -(Homer screaming) 469 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,816 (screaming continues) 470 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,485 Glad it's not me. 471 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,741 {\an8}-(bell rings) -Time to turn over. 472 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:44,826 Here they are. 473 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:48,038 Oh, thank God you're all right. 474 00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:52,042 Dad, Bart, I played a horrible trick on you, 475 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,585 and I'm really sorry. 476 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,004 You don't have leprosy. It's just oatmeal. 477 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:56,964 Yeah, we know. 478 00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,383 I figured it out after I ate one of my chest sores. 479 00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,009 Well, then let's get out of here. 480 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,345 No way. We scored a free Hawaiian vacation. 481 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:05,264 This place is a blast. 482 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,308 {\an8}All we have to do is endure two hours of blinding pain. 483 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:11,144 {\an8}Then, it's nothing but shopping and surfing. 484 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,438 {\an8}Tonight, we're gonna put our fake sores back on, 485 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,691 {\an8}then jump the fence at club med and scare the normals. 486 00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:18,026 Well, it all sounds lovely, but-- 487 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,862 Come on, loosen up. This is paradise. 488 00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,285 MAN (on PA system): Number one, report to the dermabrasion hut. 489 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:30,622 That's me. (humming) 490 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,625 HOMER: ♪ Aloha ♪ 491 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,043 -(electric sander grinding) -(Homer screams) 492 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,586 ♪ Aloha ♪ 493 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,130 (screams) 494 00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:41,591 ♪ Until we meet a-- ♪ 495 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,051 (screams) 496 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,594 (sander grinding) 497 00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:46,847 (theme music playing Hawaiian style) 498 00:22:24,926 --> 00:22:26,636 -(murmuring) -Shh. 499 00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:28,889 MAN: You hit her pretty hard there, Rick. 500 00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:31,975 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services