1
00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:02,836
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,548
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,643
(bell ringing)
4
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,275
(whistle blows)
5
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,822
(beeping)
6
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,620
(playing the blues)
7
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,874
(jazzy solo)
8
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,590
(chimes)
9
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:53,970
(tires screeching)
10
00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,851
(honking horn)
11
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,398
D'oh!
12
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,733
(screaming)
13
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:07,817
(tires screeching)
14
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,235
-Whee!
-Whoo-hoo!
15
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,863
-Ya-haa!
-Yee-- Oh! D'oh!
16
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,083
(sign buzzing)
17
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:28,588
{\an8}♪ Happy First "A"
Bart Simpson ♪
18
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,591
{\an8}♪ Happy First "A"
19
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:35,053
{\an8}♪ To you ♪
20
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,472
{\an8}-Hey!
-Oh, yes!
21
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,099
{\an8}Thank you, thank you.
22
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,226
{\an8}Now that our son is an honor student
23
00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,436
{\an8}I'm going to get one
of those bumper stickers
24
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,022
{\an8}that informs strangers of that fact.
25
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,398
{\an8}Just a cotton-picking minute!
26
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,651
{\an8}I've been getting A's since Gymboree.
27
00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:50,735
{\an8}What do you want, a medal?
28
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,028
You gave Bart one.
29
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,279
(Bart chuckles)
30
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,323
(whimpering) We love you.
31
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,118
An "A" in Astronomy!
32
00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,619
{\an8}How'd you do it?
33
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,454
{\an8}I just buckled down and studied.
34
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,872
{\an8}(laughs) No, really.
35
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,873
{\an8}Well,
36
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,585
{\an8}it all started last week
in Krabappel's class.
37
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,881
I was trying to breed
the hamster with the lizard
38
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,134
to create an unholy super-creature
39
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:18,429
when I saw an even
worse crime against nature!
40
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,891
(both moaning)
41
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,977
{\an8}Ah, head lice inspection day.
42
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,478
{\an8}While the kids are out getting
their nits picked,
43
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,522
{\an8}we can have our own private cootie call.
44
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,982
{\an8}Oh, you talk too much.
45
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,316
{\an8}Let's do it on Martin's desk.
46
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,985
It is usually the cleanest.
47
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,403
(both grunt)
48
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,072
KRABAPPEL: Ooh!
49
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,198
{\an8}Oh!
50
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,325
{\an8}BART:
I needed to get my mind on something else.
51
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,618
Anything else.
52
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,162
And for the first time in my life,
53
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,289
education was the answer.
54
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,624
"Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars..."
55
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,168
SKINNER: Come on, Edna, don't be tardy!
56
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,794
{\an8}"Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars...
57
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,254
{\an8}Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune,
58
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,255
{\an8}Pluto."
59
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,507
{\an8}So when I took the test,
60
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,676
{\an8}the answers were stuck in my brain.
61
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,803
{\an8}It was like a whole
different kind of cheating!
62
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,930
{\an8}Well, we couldn't be prouder.
63
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,140
{\an8}Excuse me, sir.
64
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,100
{\an8}Your credit card has been rejected.
65
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,768
(computerized male voice)
D eadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat.
66
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,729
{\an8}Oh, how embarrassing.
67
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:11,024
{\an8}Well, let me just give you
one of my many other valid-- (yells)
68
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,859
{\an8}-Run!
-(yelling)
69
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,361
{\an8}♪ They're getting away ♪
70
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,198
{\an8}♪ Stop them, Mary Kay ♪
71
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,076
{\an8}(gasps)
72
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:27,123
OK. So we can't pay
for your precious food.
73
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,708
What are you gonna do about it?
74
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:31,169
♪ Baila bamba ♪
75
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,671
{\an8}♪ Baila bamba ♪
76
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,258
{\an8}(plays chord flourish)
77
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,510
{\an8}(groans) Can we go now?
78
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:40,428
No, no.
79
00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:43,139
{\an8}Your playing, while technically
proficient, lacks passion.
80
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,476
Fine. You want passion?
I'll give you passion.
81
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,145
(deep, sultry voice):
♪ Blue ♪
82
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,982
♪ Spanish eyes ♪
83
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:58,905
♪ Teardrops are falling
from your Spanish eyes ♪♪
84
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,743
When did this happen?
85
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,413
When did we become
the bottom rung of society?
86
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,500
I think it was when that cold snap
killed off all the hoboes.
87
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,627
Dad, what happened to the backseat?
88
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,754
I had to sell it for gas money.
89
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,923
(engine sputtering)
90
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:17,882
(engine stops)
91
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,635
Which I spent on a novelty horn.
92
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,470
(horn plays "Charge!")
93
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:25,265
Maybe we should talk
to a financial planner.
94
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,976
Financial panther, eh?
95
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:32,272
Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn.
96
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,273
Get him, Sheba!
97
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,315
(growling)
98
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,942
-Ow, ow!
-(laughing)
99
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:36,901
I'm on board.
100
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,488
You haven't set aside
anything for the future.
101
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:41,990
You know how it is with cops.
102
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,200
I'll get shot three days
before retirement.
103
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,662
-In the business we call it "retirony."
-What if you don't get shot?
104
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,747
-What a terrible thing to say.
-(crying)
105
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,791
Now, look. You made my wife cry.
106
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,878
Well, I see you have several mortgages...
107
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,299
credit card debt, no savings,
and you're supporting your father?
108
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:03,011
-Just give the word, and I'll cut him off.
-I couldn't ask you to do that.
109
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,262
-Consider it done.
-(computer beeping)
110
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,305
Based on these figures,
111
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,683
I'm afraid you'll need to
declare bankruptcy... several times.
112
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:09,976
Just look at this projection.
113
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,019
{\an8}(music playing)
114
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,692
{\an8}(Homer gasps)
Marge, your posture looks terrible.
115
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:21,988
What's interesting is you'll continue
losing money even after you're dead.
116
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,615
Your grave sites will go
untended and vandalized.
117
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,743
Ha-ha! (coughs)
118
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,538
Mr. Simpson, your intelligence profile
indicates that you're too...
119
00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,415
"stupid" to stick to a budget.
120
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,959
-Yes. Go on.
-So, let me put this simply.
121
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,503
-You need more money.
-But how do I get it?
122
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:41,466
(laughs) I'm a financial planner,
not a financial consultant.
123
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,426
-HOMER: Sorry.
-Now I'd like my fee, please.
124
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,554
(grunts)
125
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,015
I know you're not a deaf-mute,
Mr. Simpson.
126
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,059
We've been talking
for the last 20 minutes.
127
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,562
-(yells)
-Ah!
128
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,481
(crow caws)
129
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,943
Uh, sir, I have a small personal request.
130
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,154
Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything.
131
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:08,701
I disabled the button, sir.
Anyway, I need some time off.
132
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,954
{\an8}As you know, I've been writing a musical
about the Malibu Stacy doll.
133
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,791
A show about a doll? (laughs)
134
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,711
Why-- Why not write a musical about
the common cat or the king of Siam?
135
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,214
(laughs) Give it up, Smithers.
136
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,008
Actually, sir, we've been booked into
a small theater in New Mexico.
137
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:28,596
Whoa. Whoa. Slow down there, maestro.
There's a new Mexico?
138
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:32,725
Yes. I want to go there and make my dream
come true. I'll just be gone for a week.
139
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:36,312
Oh, fine. I can amuse myself.
140
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314
{\an8}Curses. It's jammed.
141
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,524
{\an8}(groans)
142
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,901
Ho, ho, ho, hi-larious!
143
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,697
Well, with the old ball and chain gone,
144
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,242
maybe I can finally
have a little fun at the office.
145
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,536
(humming)
146
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,663
Ah! A candy shop.
147
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,332
Yes. I'll take two pounds
of Bristol's toffee.
148
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,252
Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly.
I'm hungry now.
149
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:05,216
You've made a powerful enemy today,
my friend.
150
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,302
Ah!
151
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:11,514
Wow. I never seen you
have so many lunch beers before, Homer.
152
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,807
Oh, I... concur.
153
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,101
Word-a-day Calendar.
154
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,523
I'm just trying to work up
the courage to ask Burns for a raise.
155
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,859
Or a highly paid internship.
156
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,194
Something to solve my money woes.
157
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,615
Hmm. This must be some sort of cafetorium.
158
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:33,369
Uh, here's your chance, Homer.
Mr. Burns just...
159
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,704
entered the room.
160
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:38,207
Hmm.
161
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,628
(grunting) What is this?
162
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,631
Some kind of force field
around these vegetables.
163
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:50,011
That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean
under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff.
164
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:53,973
Ah. Everything's so green and alive.
165
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,520
Mr. Burns, I was wondering
if I could get a raise.
166
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,772
What kind of a raise?
167
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,025
-Whopping?
-I see.
168
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,652
You have 30 seconds to wow me.
169
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,947
Well, sir-- You see, sir,
I've worked here a long time
170
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,908
and my wife has a game leg.
171
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,826
And my kids have game things as well.
172
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,245
(scoffs)
I don't want to hear your whining.
173
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:20,208
I'm a bored and joyless old man.
Give me a "larf."
174
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,127
A " larf'? OK.
Let's see what's in the news today.
175
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,629
Oh, for the love of--
176
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,050
-Hurl this at that.
-At Lenny? But he's a war hero.
177
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,511
-Well, let's decorate him then.
-No!
178
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:35,306
-Not even for... four dollars?
-(grunts)
179
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,809
Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to
get pudding in it!
180
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,019
(laughs)
181
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,064
That was capital. My lung is aching.
182
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,316
I liked when I threw the pudding.
183
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,360
Do it again. I'll make it an even eight.
184
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:50,696
-You're the boss. (grunts)
-Ow! I'm in hell!
185
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,324
(laughing)
186
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,451
Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson?
187
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,996
What say I make you
my executive in charge of recreation?
188
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,083
No. No. Better yet, my prank monkey.
189
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,501
Will you keep giving me money?
190
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,379
I can't have my little monkey
running around in rags.
191
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,797
Whoo-hoo!
192
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,048
Hey!
193
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,677
What are you doing, man? That's Carl!
194
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,928
Let me help you.
195
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,264
(groaning)
196
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,557
There, there.
197
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,558
CARL: Ah!
198
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,351
(chuckles nervously)
199
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,897
MR. BURNS: All right, prank monkey.
Let's make mischief.
200
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,399
{\an8}(gulping) Ninety-eight...
201
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:28,484
ninety-nine...
202
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:29,902
one hundred.
203
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,863
Oh, if only the real chicks
went down this easy.
204
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:37,910
Look at that comic book fellow
calmly eating candy like a Spaniard.
205
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,705
Time for monkey to shine.
206
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,999
(bell jingles)
207
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,836
I'd like to buy a mint condition
Spider-Man number one, please.
208
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,089
And I'd like an hour on the holodeck
with Seven of Nine.
209
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,884
Oh! Saturn's rings!
210
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,928
Let me get that for you.
211
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,482
{\an8}Paper bag or triple Mylar?
212
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,401
Uh, no, thanks. I'll just eat it here.
213
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:14,113
Oh, ooh! No! What are you doing?
214
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,782
Good, fair, poor!
215
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,701
(sobbing)
216
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,749
(cackling)
217
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,918
Ah, that was uproarious.
First-rate job, monkey.
218
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,589
-Do I get paid now?
-Oh, where are my manners?
219
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,966
-There.
-(whimpers)
220
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:35,926
D'oh!
221
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:40,056
You're so much more fun than Smithers.
222
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,600
Why, he doesn't know
the meaning of the word "gay."
223
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,018
(romantic piano intro)
224
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:49,774
♪ Sold separately ♪
225
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:54,278
♪ Sometimes I feel like I've been sold ♪
226
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,781
♪ Separately ♪
227
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,616
♪ But out of the box ♪
228
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:03,120
♪ I find you poseable ♪
229
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,457
♪ Lovable ♪
230
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:12,296
♪Just like me ♪
231
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,343
This is better than a movie... why?
232
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,970
(crowd cheering)
233
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,181
(toilet flushes)
234
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,184
-OK... now!
-(grunts)
235
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,687
Little help? Little help, please.
236
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,647
I made a boom-boom.
237
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,482
-Oh, gross!
-Not where I pee!
238
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,150
Get that out of here!
239
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,111
The line in the ladies' room
is far too long.
240
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,405
and so I hope you don't mind if I-- Oh!
241
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,948
Baby made a boom-boom.
242
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,368
Oh, good heavens! Oh!
243
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:45,121
-(laughs) Here you go, monkey.
-(chuckles)
244
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,457
Ow!
245
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,211
(chuckles) There.
That's six years' worth of inoculations.
246
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,046
Here you are, my good man.
247
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,383
And while you're at it,
throw in one of those polio shots.
248
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,093
Ooh, yes, sir.
249
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,263
Uh, anti-polio.
250
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,559
Homie, where did you get
that ball of money?
251
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,979
I've been doing some
outside projects for Mr. Burns.
252
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,565
-Really? Like what?
-Ah, you know.
253
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,859
Business stuff. Uh, downsizing...
254
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,153
e-solutions, the glass ceiling.
255
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:21,323
Hmm. Well, I'm proud of you.
(affectionate grunt)
256
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,452
You're such a good provider.
Kids, come on.
257
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,495
Thank your father for the injections.
258
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,538
BOTH: Thank you, Dad.
259
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,000
(elephant trumpets)
260
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:40,259
Hey, Dad. Can I have some money
for a panda cone?
261
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:43,429
Gah! What do you do with the $68
I send your mother every month?
262
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,140
Weekday Dad wanted a DVD player.
263
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,602
Look at their proud, hopeful faces.
264
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,605
Wait till they see
that their rare Chinese panda
265
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,774
is nothing but a fat guy in a suit.
266
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,776
Why do I have to do the Lindy Hop?
267
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,403
Oh, that's the heart of the bit.
268
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,322
(grunting)
269
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:06,535
Now, courtesy of an anonymous donor,
please welcome our new panda, Sim Sim.
270
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,329
ALL: Yea!
271
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:11,499
ANNOUNCER:
Don't be shy. That-a-girl.
272
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,542
Oh, I think she's getting ready to--
273
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,628
Yeah. She's doing the Lindy Hop.
274
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,714
That's it. Twenty-three skiddoo, 24...
275
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,674
twenty-five skiddoo.
276
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,928
(humming)
277
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:27,389
Well, it looks like Sim Sim
is a little frisky today.
278
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,892
So our trainers are gonna calm her down.
279
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,060
Huh?
280
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,979
Ow! (groaning) Ah!
281
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,816
Don't worry, folks.
Because of their thick, thick hides,
282
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:40,778
pandas only feel the slightest tickle
from these powerful electric shocks.
283
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:43,364
Ow! (screams)
284
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,158
(happy panda sounds)
285
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,202
Ohh. She's saying "I love you."
286
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,995
(cheering)
287
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:54,166
Can't... take... the pain. Ow!
288
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,503
-(groaning)
-(cheering)
289
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:01,799
-Sim Sim likes to boogie.
-Something's wrong-- terribly wrong.
290
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,718
Hey, there's our resident
bull panda, Ping Ping.
291
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,097
With any luck, folks,
these two will become
292
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,474
{\an8}very, very close, if you know what I mean.
293
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,437
HOMER: Huh? Help! Mr. Burns!
294
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,397
(cackling)
295
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,316
Ah! (groans)
296
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,151
Oh, look. She's presenting.
297
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,279
We thought this would take
years to happen.
298
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,865
(grunting)
299
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,158
-(cheering)
-(Homer shrieking)
300
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,912
Ping Ping just asked
Sim Sim to marry him...
301
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,331
and I think she just said yes.
302
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,750
CROWD: Aw.
303
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,837
-(screaming)
-(Ping Ping growling)
304
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,714
HOMER: Oh, my God!
305
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,216
Ha! You ain't goin' nowhere, cutie.
306
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,596
(whimpering)
307
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,397
(grunting)
308
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,776
(whimpering)
309
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,321
Am I glad to see you guys.
You gotta call--
310
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,240
(groans, whimpers)
311
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:11,327
Dad? The panda was you?
312
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,330
Did you see Daddy dance?
313
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,957
They all saw me dance.
314
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,126
Oh, Dad.
315
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,130
(monkey chittering)
316
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,634
So this is your mysterious
new job for Mr. Burns.
317
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:32,473
Yes. I humiliate myself
for fistfuls of cash. (sobbing)
318
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,433
Oh, Dad, you have to stop.
319
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,853
-I know.
-(laughing) Well done, monkey.
320
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,315
That other panda gave some
unexpected zazz to the festivities, eh?
321
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,068
Maybe for you.
How come you didn't rescue me?
322
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,655
(laughs) Too busy trying to keep
my sides from splitting.
323
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,907
It's happened before.
324
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,952
Monty say, monkey do.
What could be better?
325
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,995
Well, you could treat me
with a little respect.
326
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,122
Oh, shut up, you tub of guts.
327
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,958
You see? That's what I'm saying.
328
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,044
Well, a little do-re-mi
will smooth this over.
329
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,129
He doesn't want your dirty money.
330
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,132
Oh, come now. Everyone has his price.
331
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,176
-Not my dad.
-Shh, shh.
332
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,637
-The grown-ups are talking, honey.
-Dad,
333
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,099
-how can you put a price on your dignity?
-She's right.
334
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,810
Yes, I may be naked
and reeking of panda love,
335
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:21,271
but I've got to stop this
before it goes too far.
336
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,650
Take that back... for $903.
337
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,777
-I retract my statement.
-BURNS: Ha!
338
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:29,488
-Dad.
-I mean, screw you!
339
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:33,784
Well, well. It looks like my monkey
has evolved into a man.
340
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,370
A poor man.
341
00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:40,916
Wha-- Oh, why did he have to
say that extra thing?
342
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,669
Forget about him, Dad. I'm proud of you.
343
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,255
Aw, thank you, sweetheart.
344
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,591
But what should I do with all this dirty,
ill-gotten money?
345
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,385
I better throw it in the garbage.
346
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,637
Well, there's lots of needy kids
out there.
347
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,557
I see what you're saying.
I need to buy a gun.
348
00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:01,145
No, Dad. You could really brighten
the holidays for those less fortunate.
349
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:04,690
Yeah, right.
It's time to rebuild my self-esteem.
350
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,317
Hey, what happened to-- (gasps)
351
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,695
Oh, good Lord! What a week!
352
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,450
-Excuse me, sir.
-Yes?
353
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,829
I'd like to buy all these toys
for some needy children.
354
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,040
Is this enough dirty, dirty money?
355
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,459
(thoughtful humming)
356
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,711
Why, it most certainly is!
357
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,382
Mr. Costington, something quite
wonderful has happened.
358
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,468
Uh, no. Uh, no.
359
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,386
Uh, yes!
360
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,223
Why, I don't think
I've ever seen such generosity.
361
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,184
You're a modern day Kriss Kringle, sir.
362
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,312
I'm just trying to dig myself
out of a pit of shame.
363
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:47,232
Say no more. I've had a bit of
a shoe-sniffing problem myself.
364
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,985
I'm still not allowed on the third floor.
365
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:50,986
It's OK.
366
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,114
Mr. Simpson, I just had a crazy thought.
367
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,076
We do a little Thanksgiving Day
parade around here,
368
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,660
and you're about the right build
369
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,996
for a little fella
they call Kriss Kringle.
370
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,957
-Hold still.
-I'm so proud.
371
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,419
My dad will be the grand finale
of the Thanksgiving Day parade.
372
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,714
-Wanna rehearse, Dad?
-I don't need to rehearse.
373
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,468
Ho, ho, ho! Merry--
374
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,011
-Line.
-Christmas.
375
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,930
Wha-- Let me see that.
376
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,517
Well, looks like another beautiful
80-degree Thanksgiving Day
377
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,935
thanks to global warming.
378
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:26,897
-Isn't that right, Leeza Gibbons?
-That's right, Kent Brockman.
379
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:31,026
Our broadcast is brought to you today
by Costington's department store,
380
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,028
the thing downtown that's open
381
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,947
right next to the men's shelter.
382
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,073
(marching band)
383
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,035
BART: Rusty the Clown?
384
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,788
Ah, Springfield gets the lamest balloons.
385
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:46,083
Are you kidding? There's Funky Winkerbean!
386
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,627
Over here, Funky! (gasps)
387
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:52,756
Look, it's the Noid.
Avoid the Noid. He ruins pizzas.
388
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,926
Hey, lady.
Santa Claus is gonna be here, right?
389
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,263
-He just has to.
-Something tells me he is.
390
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,890
Don't touch me!
Nothing gives you that right!
391
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,352
-Say, Leeza. Do you like gingerbread?
-No, not really.
392
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,354
Well, then you'll love this next float.
393
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,815
It's an all-gingerbread desk set.
394
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,322
(cheering)
395
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,326
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Everyone!
396
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,374
{\an8}BURNS: Ahoy-hoy, St. Nick.
397
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,668
"Pranksgiving?" Uh-oh.
398
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,045
Prepare to be boarded.
399
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,755
(grunts)
400
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:38,760
What are you doing here?
I told you. I'm not your monkey anymore.
401
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,638
Silence, monkey. Now that
you're Father Christmas,
402
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,308
we have an opportunity
to bend this town over our knee...
403
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,185
and give it a pranking
it will never forget.
404
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:49,771
-Here's what we do. (whispering)
-(gasps)
405
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,107
Here's a float saluting
the Native Americans,
406
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,526
who taught us
how to celebrate Thanksgiving.
407
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,320
LEEZA:
Interesting side note on this float.
408
00:19:56,403 --> 00:20:00,490
The papier-mache is composed
entirely of broken treaties.
409
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,202
(laughs) They're good sports.
410
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:07,706
The answer is no, Mr. Burns.
Not for any amount of money.
411
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,875
BURNS: Not for one million dollars?
412
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,961
-(gasps) Oh, so much money.
-(children shouting)
413
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,422
HOMER: But Santa can't be evil.
414
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:18,008
But it's so much money.
415
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,428
And here's the float
everyone's been waiting for.
416
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,097
Yes. Whether you're Christian
or just non-Jewish,
417
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,225
everybody loves Santa Claus.
418
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,559
(cheering)
419
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,062
Oh, he was supposed to be
throwing out toys
420
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,148
but he seems to be hurling
some sort of candy treats, Leeza.
421
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,567
Wait a minute, Kent. That is not candy.
422
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,402
That's fish guts.
423
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,071
ALL: Oh!
424
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,157
There's Santa! Over here, Santa!
425
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,409
(groans) What did I do?
426
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,704
Ah, the doctor said I could take
this patch off five minutes a day.
427
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,749
Hey, that's just enough time
to see Santy Claus.
428
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,502
Oh! Why, Santa? Why?
429
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,463
Oh, no. Here come the gulls!
430
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,507
(squawking)
431
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,009
(jabbering) Oh, nice birdie.
432
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,387
Nice birdie. No! Not so nice!
433
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,471
Ow!
434
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,474
(pop, air hisses)
435
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:10,894
Oh, Dad. You sold your soul.
436
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,480
-HOMER: Not yet, honey.
-Dad!
437
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:16,650
But if you're here,
who's that on the float?
438
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,944
Ho, ho, ho! Merry "Fishmas"!
439
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,362
What's going on?
440
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,949
Let's just say Lisa gave me
an early Christmas present,
441
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,784
the gift of dignity.
442
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,911
(all groan)
443
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,499
(music playing)
444
00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:35,252
(theme music playing)
445
00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:17,002
-Shh!
-HOMER: Baby made a boom-boom.
446
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,380
Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services