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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(theme music playing)
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(jazzy solo)
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(chimes)
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(tires screech)
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(honking horn)
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D-oh!
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(screams)
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(tires screeching)
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Woof.
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{\an8}Hey, open up!
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{\an8}I've been standing here
all morning.
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{\an8}Hey, Homer.
What are you doing at work?
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{\an8}The plant's closed
for fumigation.
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{\an8}(humming)
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{\an8}Uh-oh!
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{\an8}(panicked gasping)
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{\an8}Ohh...
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{\an8}No one told me
the plant was closed.
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{\an8}Didn't you get the e-mail?
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{\an8}What's an e-mail?
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{\an8}It's a computer thing
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{\an8}like an electric letter.
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{\an8}Or a quiet phone call.
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{\an8}I don't have a computer.
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{\an8}(laughs)
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{\an8}Too bad.
That's why you're at work
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{\an8}while we're living it up
on our day off.
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{\an8}Hey, Karl,
turn up the car radio.
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{\an8}Why not?
Anything goes today.
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{\an8}(swing music playing on radio)
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{\an8}That does it.
I'm getting a computer...
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{\an8}as soon as somebody
lets me out of here.
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{\an8}(rattling)
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{\an8}Oh. (chuckles) I'm so stupid.
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{\an8}Um, I guess I'll take that one.
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{\an8}Do you need a paperweight?
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{\an8}Because if you buy that machine
that's all you're going to have
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{\an8}is an expensive paperweight.
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{\an8}Well, a paperweight
would be nice
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{\an8}but what I really need
is a computer.
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{\an8}How about that one?
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{\an8}Mm-hmm. That technology
is three months old.
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{\an8}Only suckers buy
out-of-date machines.
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{\an8}Uh, you're not a sucker,
are you, sir?
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{\an8}Heavens, no.
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{\an8}Oh, good. Because if you were,
I'd ask you to leave the store.
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{\an8}I just need something
to receive e-mail.
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{\an8}(whistles)
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{\an8}You'll need a top-of-the-line
machine for that.
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That's the same computer
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astronauts use
to do their taxes.
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I was an astronaut.
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Of course you were.
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Hmm.
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$5,000?
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You only have ten seconds
to decide, sir.
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(whimpering)
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This is the best computer
in the world
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and always will be, right?
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Absolutely.
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Just run the deed to your house
through here.
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ELECTRONIC VOICE:
You are on your
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(male computerized voice)
...fifth...
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(female computerized voice)
...mortgage.
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(nervous laugh)
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Hey, Lisa.
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Check out my new computer.
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{\an8}Dad, you shouldn't drag
that around.
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(laughs)
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That's right, top of the line.
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{\an8}(screams, groans)
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{\an8}Stupid pothole.
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{\an8}Don't worry, head.
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{\an8}The computer
will do our thinking now.
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Oh, yeah, perfect.
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Now, then, computer,
kill Flanders.
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Did I hear my name?
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My ears are burning.
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Good start.
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Now finish the job.
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Oh, you're busy.
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Catch you later, compu-tater.
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Oh, $5,000 for a computer
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and it can't handle
a simple assignment.
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(grunting)
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(whines)
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Dad, I'll set up your computer.
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Why don't you and Bart
go play in the backyard?
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You're it.
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(laughter)
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(Bart groans)
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(laughter continues)
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-HOMER: Why you little!
-(grunting)
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{\an8}OK, you're ready to go.
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{\an8}I've written down
the basic commands
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{\an8}so that anyone
can understand them.
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Hmm...
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-(flies buzzing)
-MARGE: Homer,
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bring that back in the house.
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HOMER: Fine.
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(electronic beep)
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Ooh, it's dancing Jesus.
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♪ Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee ♪
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If there's a better use
for the Internet
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I haven't found it.
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{\an8}If you've committed a crime
and you want to confess
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{\an8}click "yes."
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{\an8}Otherwise, click "no."
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{\an8}You have chosen "no"
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{\an8}meaning you've committed a crime
but don't want to confess.
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{\an8}-A paddy wagon...
-(siren wails)
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{\an8}...is now speeding to your home.
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Hey!
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{\an8}While you wait... why not buy
a police cap or t-shirt?
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{\an8}You have the right
to remain fabulous.
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-(beeping)
-Here it is, everybody.
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The world's greatest website.
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(fanfare music plays)
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-Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah...
-Hello, hello, hello, hello...
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You'd think all the noises
would be annoying
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but they're not.
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{\an8}I got suspended
from school today.
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No kidding?
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What do you think
of my page, Lisa?
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Be honest.
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It's great, isn't it?
Go ahead
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and say it's great
if you want to.
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{\an8}They found a switchblade
in my locker.
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Well, a web page is supposed
to be a personal thing.
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You've just stolen copyrighted
material from everyone else.
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{\an8}They can sue you for that.
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{\an8}I took a swing at a cop.
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They can't sue me
if they don't know who I am.
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I'll just call myself Mr. X.
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-(keyboard clacking)
-(electronic beep)
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{\an8}I'm just mad all the time.
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Yup, you can't
go wrong with Mr. X.
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Mom wants you to come to bed.
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I can't. My web page
hasn't gotten a single hit.
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(alarm rings)
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Come on.
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{\an8}You have to offer
people something...
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{\an8}a joke, an opinion, an idea.
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That lousy pothole.
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Why don't they fix it?
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I heard Mayor Quimby
spent the street repair fund
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on a secret swimming pool
for himself.
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{\an8}-Get out. Who told you that?
-Nelson.
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{\an8}Ooh, that's the kind of dirt
that belongs on my web page.
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You can't post that
on the Internet.
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You don't even know
if it's true.
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Nelson has never steered me
wrong, honey.
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Nelson is gold.
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{\an8}You know,
it might have been Jimbo.
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Beautiful.
We have confirmation.
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(groaning)
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Hmm.
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Let's see here.
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X-rated girls...
already bookmarked...
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Dial "X" for sex.
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Mr. X?
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Hmm, shall I cross
the final frontier?
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(electronic beeping)
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What's this?
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"Stolen funds?
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Pothole money used
for swimming pool"?
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There's no emoticon
for what I'm feeling.
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Our Mayor's corrupt?
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Oh, Mr. X has done this town
a great service
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despite his poor grammar
and spelling.
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WOMAN: Seymour, are you looking
at naked ladies?
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No, Mother.
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WOMAN: You sissy.
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(groaning)
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What's all this about
a secret swimming pool?
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Uh, well, what secret
swimming pool is that?
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Hey, let's look
behind that door.
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QUIMBY: Don't go in there.
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(all gasp)
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(indistinct chatter)
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{\an8}Good lord, we've discovered
the ruins of an ancient city.
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{\an8}OK, you do better.
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I did it.
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I changed the world.
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Now I know exactly
how God feels.
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You want turkey sausage or ham?
192
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Bring me two of every animal.
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(mews)
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A new Internet watchdog
195
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is creating a stir
in Springfield.
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Mr. X, if that is his real name,
197
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,329
has come up
with a sensational scoop.
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Darn tootin'.
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00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,540
But we must never forget
that the real news
200
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:20,583
is on local TV
201
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delivered by real,
officially licensed newsmen
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like me, Kent Brockman.
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00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,923
Coming up,
how do they get those dogs
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to talk on the beer commercials?
205
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Cowboy Steve will tell you.
206
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:33,346
I'm happy you got
the potholes filled
207
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,807
but it's still irresponsible
to present rumors as facts.
208
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,809
Maybe you should quit
while you're ahead.
209
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,729
No way. Mr. X is going
to keep on digging and probing
210
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,315
until every person
in this town is in jail.
211
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,237
{\an8}Argh! A coconut bagel!
212
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,030
{\an8}Like poison, it tastes.
213
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,657
{\an8}All right,
I'll tell you a secret.
214
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,410
{\an8}My bagels are nothing
but week-old doughnuts.
215
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,955
{\an8}Aw, who am I
to point the finger?
216
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:01,791
{\an8}I once ran over a guy
in a parking lot
217
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,752
{\an8}and dumped the body
on a golf course.
218
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,923
What a bombshell.
219
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,594
{\an8}CHIEF WIGGUM:
In the interest of public safety
220
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:17,181
{\an8}we have confiscated every
doughnut, bagel, cruller
221
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,016
and bear claw in the city.
222
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,184
And some coffee.
223
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,143
(slurping)
224
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,063
This morning, Mr. X reported
that your own department--
225
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:27,692
I know, I know, but I assure you
the police do not take prisoners
226
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:31,070
out of their cells
and race them... anymore.
227
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,947
What about using the electric
chair to cook chicken?
228
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,448
Yeah, uh,
this press conference is over.
229
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,034
-Wait. I have one more.
-No, it's over, Phil. It's over.
230
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,161
KENNY: According to my uncle
231
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,582
Miss Springfield
isn't as beautiful as she seems.
232
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,501
Word is, she uses
appearance-altering cosmetics?
233
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,628
-Oh, my God.
-That's shocking.
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00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,255
The public should be warned.
235
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I wish Mr. X were here.
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00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,967
Oh, I don't know, Carl.
237
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:55,219
He might be closer
than you think.
238
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,178
Are you him?
239
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,221
-Are you Mr. X?
-No.
240
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,348
But you talk
in that real sly voice.
241
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Hey, hey, everybody!
Homer's Mr. X.
242
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,435
I am not.
243
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,228
Or am I?
244
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,229
Are you?
245
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,230
No!
246
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,608
Well, if Mr. X were here
right now
247
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,568
I'd buy him a tall frosty.
248
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,069
Hey, Moe, can you keep a secret?
249
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,529
-No.
-Not even a little one?
250
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,072
-No.
-What if I just whisper it?
251
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,907
-No, I tells you.
-Oh!
252
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:21,495
♪ I've been sitting
on the toilet ♪
253
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,957
♪ All the live-long day ♪
254
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,710
BURNS: Is everything ready for
the secret meeting, Smithers?
255
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,711
SMITHERS: Yes, sir.
256
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,671
I hope no one
finds out about this.
257
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,798
It's pure journalistic dynamite.
258
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,343
Uh... sir, this place
could be bugged. Shh!
259
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:36,927
(dryer whirring)
260
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,387
OK, now we can talk.
261
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,056
(gasping)
262
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,015
Turn it off!
263
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:43,851
(groans)
264
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,980
Journalistic dynamite.
265
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,440
(gasps)
266
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,069
(speaking indistinctly)
267
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,153
Then it's agreed.
268
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,073
I'll supply you terrorists
with deadly uranium.
269
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,200
You are a credit
to the great Satan.
270
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,534
Oh, pshaw!
271
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,995
(humming)
272
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,955
HOMER: I love spying.
273
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,374
(groans)
274
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,542
Oh, don't worry
about those fumes.
275
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,878
They'll be sucked
into that air vent.
276
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:14,423
HOMER: Ohh!
277
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,928
This place is falling apart.
278
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:24,266
"And who's selling the uranium
to the terrorists?
279
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,018
Mmm?
280
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,271
Mm-hmm. "Montgomery Burns."
281
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,942
Now we wait.
282
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,821
(groans) Let go of me!
283
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,030
I'm innocent.
284
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,990
Whoa. He's in trouble.
285
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:43,911
We'd like to award this year's
Pulitzer Prize to Mr. X.
286
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,372
(cheering and applauding)
287
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,041
Unfortunately,
we don't know who he is
288
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:53,045
so his cash award will be used
to feed starving children.
289
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,297
No!
Move! Move!
290
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,800
I'm Mr. X! Gimme! Gimme!
291
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,136
(clamoring)
292
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,595
We'll need some proof.
293
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,389
Ta-da!
294
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,225
He is Mr. X. Hah!
295
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,227
Thank you, folks.
296
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,186
And now I'm off
297
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:12,064
to expose more secret
conspiracies and...
298
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,942
Ooh! Oh, I bit my tongue!
299
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:18,571
MARGE: I'm proud that
you won the Pulitzer.
300
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:19,739
Finally.
301
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,992
But I do feel bad
about the starving children.
302
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,827
They're with God now.
303
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,537
Oh. Well, that's good.
304
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:27,747
Oh.
305
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:31,542
Hey, guys, how's it going?
306
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,837
Oh, don't worry
about the Mr. X thing.
307
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,672
I'm just here for a beer.
308
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,674
(hesitates)
Uh, I don't know if I want you
309
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,468
in here no more, Homer.
310
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:44,263
I got a lot of secrets
I'd prefer to keep clandestine.
311
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,432
Terrible, disturbing secrets.
312
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,309
MAN: ...so hungry.
313
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,186
I smell another Pulitzer.
314
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,896
Yikes!
315
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,149
Well, Helen, as it says
in the Bible...
316
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:58,527
-I'll tell you later.
-Mmm.
317
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:03,365
Oh, nobody's visiting
my web page anymore.
318
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,618
My counter
is actually going down.
319
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:09,288
{\an8}(wind blows)
320
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,749
{\an8}Well, you can't post news
321
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,459
{\an8}if you don't have any.
322
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,336
That's a great idea.
323
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,004
I'll make up some news.
324
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:20,257
{\an8}(shudders) At least take off
your Pulitzer Prize
325
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,342
when you say that.
326
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,677
(humming)
327
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,179
-Let's see now.
-(growls)
328
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:28,349
"Bulletin-- New race discovered
329
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:32,353
living six inches under Denver."
330
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,396
Oh, Dad.
331
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,690
"All named Morton."
332
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,109
Or... "Mortonson."
333
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,321
This Mr. X says
Spanish and Italian
334
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:43,823
are the same language.
335
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,282
(exhales deeply)
Well, that's surprising.
336
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,619
They're controlling our minds
with flu shots.
337
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:49,995
I knew it.
338
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,664
Well, kids, now aren't you glad
339
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,040
we don't believe
in inoculations?
340
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,418
BOTH (shivering): Yeah.
341
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,212
Mommy?
342
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,965
Hey, Mr. X, I got a tip for you.
343
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:03,592
In science class,
they're dissecting frozen hoboes
344
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,219
and I have the bindles
to prove it.
345
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,346
Real news is great, son,
346
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:11,058
but I'm getting 1,000 hits
an hour with grade-A bull plop.
347
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:12,268
(bell chimes)
348
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,812
Give me 100 lotto tickets, Apu,
349
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,856
because Mr. X is on a roll.
350
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,650
(groans) Stop it, Apu.
351
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,277
You're scaring me.
352
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,611
(whining)
353
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,407
What's going on?
354
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:31,203
Help! I'm being kidnapped!
355
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,585
(humming)
356
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,795
(muffled talking)
357
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,256
(muffled)
358
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,341
{\an8}Whoo! (sighs)
359
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,386
{\an8}This is not a library. Whoo!
360
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:48,804
HOMER: Save me, Mr. X!
361
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,015
Wait. I'm Mr. X. (groans)
362
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,809
(Homer groaning)
363
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,352
(bird squawking)
364
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,313
Huh? Whuzza?
365
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,189
-(squawks)
-Hmm, hmm.
366
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,401
(birds calling)
367
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,403
{\an8}(peacock squawking)
368
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,573
What the hell?
369
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:14,163
How did I get here?
What is this place?
370
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,249
This is the island.
371
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,334
How do I get out of here?
372
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,920
Oh, no one leaves the island.
373
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,797
So I'm a prisoner? How come?
374
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,925
Because you know something.
375
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,092
But I don't know anything.
376
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,344
At least I don't think I do.
377
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,762
See you tomorrow.
378
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,180
No, you won't!
379
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,431
Hello, operator?
380
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:35,017
I'd like to report
a really weird island.
381
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,977
Please send lots of rescue
'copters to...
382
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,354
(hissing)
383
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:43,442
(groggily)
Oh, well, all right. Whatever.
384
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:44,443
(thuds)
385
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:46,403
(snickers)
386
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,032
(groans)
387
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,703
Welcome, friend. I'm Number Six.
388
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,121
I'm number 15.
389
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,623
What number are you?
390
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,124
I am not a number.
391
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,167
I am a man
392
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,335
and don't you ever...
393
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,628
Oh, wait, I'm Number Five.
394
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,880
Ha-ha, in your face, Number Six!
395
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,632
Yes, well done.
396
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,884
Who are all these oddballs?
397
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,428
Well, they keep us here
because we know too much.
398
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,556
Number 27 there knows how
to turn water into gasoline.
399
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,810
Number 12 knows the deadly
secret behind Tic-Tacs
400
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,479
and I invented
the bottomless peanut bag.
401
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,064
Wow!
402
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,483
So, who brought us here?
403
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:25,567
I don't know.
404
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,945
-Did you bring us here?
-No.
405
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:32,032
Don't worry.
406
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,326
If even half of your
husband is out here
407
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,120
Officer Scraps will find him.
408
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,372
Oh, that's a darling
name for a dog.
409
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,001
(barks)
410
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,004
(barking)
411
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,968
Yep, he's on the trail,
all right.
412
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:54,013
-Uh-oh.
-(barking frantically)
413
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,389
Better go fish him out, Lou.
414
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:56,348
OK, Chief.
415
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:00,686
Uh, the shoes are
part of the uniform.
416
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:01,979
Right, Chief.
417
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,565
(groans)
418
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,237
(groans)
419
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,866
Oh, they drugged the tea.
420
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,577
They knew my one weakness.
421
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,579
(hydraulic whirring)
422
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,624
Hello, Number Five.
423
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,876
How's every little thing?
424
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,003
Who are you and why are
you holding me here?
425
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,922
I want answers now
or I want them eventually!
426
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,507
Fair enough.
I'll level with you.
427
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:31,884
(groans)
428
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,386
Ow. Please, don't do that.
429
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,305
-Sorry.
-I'll be blunt.
430
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,724
Your web page has
stumbled upon our secret plan.
431
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:39,892
That's impossible.
432
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,852
All my stories are bull plop.
433
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,312
Bull plop!
434
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:44,563
Don't be cute.
435
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,066
I'm referring
to the flu shot expose.
436
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,776
You see, we're the ones
loading them
437
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,694
with mind-controlling additives.
438
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,112
But why? (grunts)
439
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:55,574
To drive people
into a frenzy of shopping.
440
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,827
That's why flu shots are given
just before Christmas.
441
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,204
Of course.
442
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:02,081
It's so simple.
443
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,248
Wait. No, it's not.
444
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,625
It's needlessly complicated.
445
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,877
Yes, it is.
And we can't have you out there
446
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,212
mucking it up, now, can we?
447
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:09,296
No, sir.
448
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:10,297
There's a good boy.
449
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,715
Let's get you some ice cream.
450
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,051
There we are.
451
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,055
Look, you can drug me
all you want
452
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,389
but my family won't rest
453
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,266
till they find
my drug-bloated corpse.
454
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,727
I wouldn't count on that,
Number Five.
455
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,187
As far as your family knows
456
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,439
Homer Simpson is walking
in the front door
457
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,650
right about now.
458
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,444
I'm sorry. What?
459
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,029
(humming fretfully)
460
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,572
(gasps) Homie!
461
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,450
(German accent) Marge, honey,
fraulein, I'm home.
462
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,369
You're not my husband.
463
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,163
Jah, please forgive
my unexplained two-week absence.
464
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,414
To make it up to you
465
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,292
we will go out to dinner
at a sensibly priced restaurant
466
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,628
then have a night
of efficient German sex.
467
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:52,297
Well, I sure don't
feel like cooking.
468
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,554
(hissing)
469
00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,930
Oh...
470
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,267
(buzzing)
471
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,269
Aren't there any evil movies on?
472
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,271
Maybe something
about an evil island?
473
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,481
{\an8}There's something really
different about you, Dad.
474
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,651
I am a new tie wearing.
475
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:13,986
Oh, yeah.
476
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:16,071
(Homer groaning)
477
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,282
I'm tired of being
drugged and gassed.
478
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:19,992
There's got to be a way
to escape.
479
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,535
-Psst.
-Huh?
480
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:24,079
I've worked on this
for 33 years.
481
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,498
It's made out of
toilet paper rolls
482
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,584
toothpicks and plastic forks.
483
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:32,588
And the sail is made
of scabs and dynamite.
484
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,007
It's small and it's smelly
485
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,967
but it should carry
both of us to...
486
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,261
-(groans)
-Whoo-hoo!
487
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,349
Tha-that's the third time
that's happened.
488
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,024
Oh, no, an anti-escape orb!
489
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,155
(groans)
490
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,866
(grunts)
491
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,034
Huh. That was easy.
492
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:07,623
Why did you think
a big balloon would stop people?
493
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,041
Shut up, that's why!
494
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,210
Ooh! What a horrible
four months!
495
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,669
Now to warn everybody.
496
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,714
Attention, some crazy creeps
on an island somewhere
497
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,549
are secretly running the world.
498
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,636
-Hey!
-Sorry, old chap
499
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,387
but you're proving
quite the caterpillar
500
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,722
in our buttermilk.
501
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,474
-Huh?
-We're shutting you down.
502
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,558
Not a chance.
503
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,435
No one can silence me but me.
504
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:31,313
That arranged can be.
505
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,314
Wha...?
506
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,107
(gasps)
507
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:36,318
(gagging)
508
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,905
Yes, fight and struggle.
509
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,615
(grunts)
510
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:44,910
If I know me, he won't like
being kicked in the crotch.
511
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,371
(in German) Gott im Himmel!
512
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,414
(in English) Oh, Marge, it's me,
The real Homer.
513
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,541
Oh, Homie!
514
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,210
Mmm-mm.
515
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,254
(slow clapping)
516
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,674
Bravo, Number Five.
517
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,593
But you know what happens
to bad little fishies
518
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,136
who wriggle through the net?
519
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,554
Can I turn this off?
520
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,473
-Absolutely.
-Hey!
521
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,058
Nice to have you back, Homer.
522
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,351
(barking)
523
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,061
The dog thinks so, too.
524
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,479
(all laughing)
525
00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:14,231
"The dog thinks..."
526
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,732
(all groaning)
527
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:17,567
Bad dog.
528
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,446
(laughing gaily)
529
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,282
Once you get used
to the druggings
530
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,075
this isn't a bad place.
531
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,952
Oh, it's wonderful.
532
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,413
Truly God's country.
533
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:30,455
(snickers)
534
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,040
(hissing)
535
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,501
HOMER (sinisterly):
See you on the island.
536
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:37,462
LISA (robotically):
Yes, the island.
537
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:44,011
(theme music playing)
538
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,551
Shh!
539
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,182
{\an8}Captioned by
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