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(theme music playing)
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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screech)
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(honking)
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D-oh! (screams)
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(tires screeching)
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MARGE: Mmm.
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{\an8}Mmm... good pancakes, Mom.
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{\an8}Well, thank you, honey.
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{\an8}They come in a squeeze bottle now.
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{\an8}-(flatulating noise)
-Ooh! (scoffs)
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{\an8}I better put on the silencer.
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{\an8}(muted flatulating)
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{\an8}You know what would be good with these
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{\an8}is some Ms. Butterworth.
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{\an8}Let's have a breakfast meeting.
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{\an8}Eww!
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{\an8}How long has this baking soda
been in here?
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{\an8}I don't know. It came with the house.
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{\an8}Hey, Dad, bet you five bucks
you can't eat the whole box.
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{\an8}Five? Why don't we make it $50?
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{\an8}(laughing) You're going to regret this.
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{\an8}I'll call Poison Control.
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{\an8}Fran? It's me.
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{\an8}Just a heads-up.
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{\an8}Wow... (sniffing)
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{\an8}The absorbed odors of a million meals.
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{\an8}Oh, so many flavors.
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{\an8}All those tasty memories flooding back...
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{\an8}(gasping)
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{\an8}MAN: If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.
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{\an8}RICHARD NIXON: Therefore, I shall resign
the Presidency...
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{\an8}NEIL ARMSTRONG: That's one small step
for man...
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{\an8}one giant leap for mankind.
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{\an8}(giggling)
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{\an8}Uh-oh.
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{\an8}Dad's having an antacid trip.
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{\an8}And I won 50 bucks.
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{\an8}Can I see the 50, Bart?
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{\an8}Can I? Huh?
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{\an8}Milhouse, my friend
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{\an8}you and I are going on a spending spree.
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{\an8}My doctor says
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{\an8}I'm not supposed to go on sprees.
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{\an8}What about jags?
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{\an8}Jags are fine.
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{\an8}Wonderful.
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{\an8}-(clearing throat)
-A $50 bill!
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{\an8}Gentlemen...
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{\an8}let us shop.
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{\an8}Our wide variety of gum
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{\an8}comes in both stick and ball.
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{\an8}I'm not really about gum
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{\an8}but I like the whole chewing thing.
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{\an8}Are you averse to crispy centers, sir?
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{\an8}-Not at all.
-Then we have much to discuss.
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{\an8}Oh... too much raw bacon.
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{\an8}Come on, Bart.
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{\an8}We can't stop spending now.
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{\an8}There's one thing
I've always wanted to do.
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{\an8}My Mom doesn't believe in fabric softener,
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{\an8}but she's not around.
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{\an8}I'm picking the next thing.
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{\an8}It looks like we're down
to our last ten bucks.
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{\an8}Hello.
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{\an8}Radioactive Man number 1000, please.
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{\an8}Ten dollars? I laugh at you.
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{\an8}Please to note,
this is no ordinary comic book.
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It is in Perma-Mint condition.
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If you spill soda on it
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the drops fly off harmlessly
onto lesser comics.
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BOTH: Whoa!
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Yes, you are quite correct to gasp.
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Also note the price, $25.
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We had to buy lunch for that homeless guy.
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While my son's at fat camp
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{\an8}I cleaned out his room.
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{\an8}How much will you give me for this?
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{\an8}Probably nothing, but let us see.
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{\an8}Oh... handwritten script
for Star Wars by George Lucas?
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{\an8}Princess Leia's anti-jiggle breast tape?
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{\an8}Film reel labeled
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{\an8}"Alternate Ending:
Luke's Father is Chewbacca"?
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{\an8}Ooh! Ooh!
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{\an8}I'll give you five dollars for the box.
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Sold.
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{\an8}Don't do it, lady.
That stuff's worth thousands.
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{\an8}Yeah. He's ripping you off.
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Well! If this is valuable
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{\an8}then back to the leaky basement it goes.
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Hmm!
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Smile, please.
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(shutter clicks)
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Thank you.
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(gasps)
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Son, I know it hurts.
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I still remember
my first lifetime banning.
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(applauding)
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(grunting) Oh!
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Hey, where's my melon?
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What the...
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Ahh!
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00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:18,735
And you are banned for life
108
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from all of my performances
and TV specials.
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But I can still see your movies, right?
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(grunts)
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(crying)
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And I never saw Gallagher again.
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Ooh, it says here
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that special effects whiz Tom Savini
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is going to be appearing
at the comic book store tonight.
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Tom Savini?
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Yes. It says here
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he's the movie magician behind Creepshow
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Friday the 13th, and Dawn of the Dead.
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{\an8}Oh... I can't believe
I'm going to miss that.
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Don't worry your spiky little head.
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I've got it all planned out.
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{\an8}How could you have it planned out?
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{\an8}You just heard about the problem.
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You're right. Give me a minute.
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Hmm...
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Mr. Simpson, it hurts.
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{\an8}Yeah, and why did we have to do this
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{\an8}all the way from home?
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For once in my life, I'm tall.
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Don't take that away from me.
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(affected voice) Hello...
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I'm Shaquille O'Neal.
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Let us in, please.
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(all exclaiming)
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You two are not welcome.
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Sorry, son.
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-Thanks for the tip-off.
-No problem.
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Appearing exclusively here
at the Android's Dungeon...
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Take that, Messieurs Barnes and Noble.
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...the king of splatter, Tom Savini.
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(applause)
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Good evening.
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(belches)
145
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Sorry. I had a really big dinner.
146
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Whoo! Dinner!
147
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But I'm sure one more French fry
wouldn't hurt.
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(groaning)
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(cheers)
150
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,881
Oh, we missed "the gut-buster."
151
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,467
Yeah, that should be us
covered with blood.
152
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,430
Sure, computer technology is here to stay
153
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,722
but there'll always be a place
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for the practical special effects wizard.
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(cheering)
156
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,731
I love the theater.
157
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,024
Oh, please.
158
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,025
I saw Paul Lynde
159
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,445
do that same hackneyed trick on Bewitched.
160
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,532
Try to explode this out of my belly.
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That's not a cookie.
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[exclaiming)
163
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That's a time-release blood pack.
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(groaning)
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00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,040
You, sir, are a perfect patsy.
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00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,500
Let me shake your hand.
167
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,087
Ugh. To the gag, I will give a D-plus.
168
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,256
As for the workmanship on the hand...
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00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:46,632
Ooh...
170
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,092
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
171
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That's not right.
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(all laughing)
173
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,014
You mocking me.
174
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:54,348
Oh, that is rich.
175
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(groaning)
176
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:58,352
(laughing continues)
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00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,146
Stop your laughing!
178
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You're all banned!
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00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,773
Banned, I tell you!
180
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,570
Ooh... Breath... short
181
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,614
left arm... numb.
182
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,324
Can't go on...
183
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,618
describing symptoms much longer.
184
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,119
(groaning)
185
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:18,956
(gasps)
186
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,625
I think he's had a heart attack.
187
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:21,918
(all gasping)
188
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,924
Young man, you've had what we call
189
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,800
a "cardiac episode."
190
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Worst... episode... ever.
191
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Oh, not even close.
192
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,557
If these boys hadn't called 911
193
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,518
I'd be wearing that watch right now.
194
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,269
(laughing) I'm just kidding.
195
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,729
{\an8}But you would be dead.
196
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,648
You saved my life?
197
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,775
Yeah, after you were so mean to us.
198
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,318
So now we're even.
199
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,446
{\an8}My prognosis... or is it diagnosis?
200
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,491
{\an8}Whichever. You need to avoid stress.
201
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,368
{\an8}Now, what kind of work do you do?
202
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:56,953
I run a comic book store.
203
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:58,829
Oh, dear Lord!
204
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,581
We call that profession "The Widowmaker."
205
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,376
{\an8}Or we would, if any of
the proprietors were married.
206
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,753
{\an8}You should close down
the store for a while.
207
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,006
But I'd lose all my business
to Frodo's of Shelbyville.
208
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,925
{\an8}Well, then get a friend to run it for you.
209
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,845
You... do have friends, don't you?
210
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,847
Well, the Superfriends.
211
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:17,932
You should get some friends
212
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,392
who aren't printed on paper.
213
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,060
What? You mean action figures?
214
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,770
We'll run the store for you.
215
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,606
Two ten-year-olds running my store?
216
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:29,193
W--what is this? Bizarro World?
217
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,570
Calm down.
218
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,822
Don't make me put a dog heart in there.
219
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,493
Can you believe it, Bart?
220
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,912
We're actually running a comic book store.
221
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,457
Looks like our lifetime ban just expired.
222
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,585
(alarm blaring)
223
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,961
Sorry. Sorry.
224
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,172
OK, here's Comic Book Guy's instructions,
225
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,008
"A carton of malted milk balls
226
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,176
"one box confectioner's sugar
227
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,429
a can of chocolate frosting..."
228
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,014
That's just his shopping list.
229
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,974
{\an8}No, it's his instructions.
230
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,435
Well, we're going to make
some changes around here.
231
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,562
This store is going to be run by kids
232
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:05,688
and for kids.
233
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,857
You said it, partner.
234
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,653
Oh, nice to see you.
235
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,447
Hey, how about that Bloodzilla?
236
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:15,823
(laughing)
237
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,158
Vampire Dinosaur.
238
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,910
Oh... you can't make that stuff up.
239
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,621
The Death of Sad Sack.
240
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,165
This better not be another fake-out.
241
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,084
Uh-uh. You've got to be 40 inches tall
242
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,377
for the adult section.
243
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,129
Please!
244
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:33,132
OK, but get on your tippy-toes.
245
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,180
Everybody's hugging.
246
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,016
Hey, Bart, I finished
247
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,517
organizing the stockroom.
248
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,852
Mark down the Poochie crap.
249
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,354
Then unstick all the Supergirls.
250
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,358
You know, if we're partners,
maybe you should do some of the work.
251
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,234
Less barking, more marking.
252
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,278
Yes, sir, partner.
253
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,072
(exit bell rings)
254
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:58,282
Hmm.
255
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:01,285
Now, when you've got
a bum ticker like we do
256
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,537
you need all the friends you can get.
257
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,791
And Moe's is the friendliest
place in the Rum District.
258
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,921
Get out and take your
Sacajawea dollars with you.
259
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,172
I'll give you till three.
260
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,423
One...
261
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:16,175
(body thuds)
262
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,760
Hey, Homer, who's the manatee?
263
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,096
(patrons laughing)
264
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,098
Oh, now be nice, Moe.
265
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:23,641
This guy just got out of the hospital.
266
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,060
Oh, sorry. Let me buy you a drink.
267
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:27,061
Very well.
268
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,855
I will have a shot of cranberry schnapps.
269
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,651
Uh, these, uh...
they're just painted on there.
270
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,696
Your choices are beer
and, uh, egg soakings.
271
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:37,822
I'll pass.
272
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,116
Beer is the nectar of the nitwit.
273
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,076
Hey... you knocking beer?
274
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,286
Nobody badmouths Duff.
275
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,415
Oh, piece of crap.
276
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,959
Come on. You're here to make friends.
277
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,378
Please, if I wanted to hear
mindless droning
278
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,463
I'd befriend an air conditioner.
279
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,632
Oh, now he's ragging on air conditioners.
280
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,968
Hey, they keep us cool in the summer, pal.
281
00:11:59,051 --> 00:11:59,885
Get him!
282
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,887
And stay out!
283
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,604
Is there a word in Klingon
for "loneliness"?
284
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,107
Ah, yes.
285
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,192
Garrlll dak!
286
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,529
LISA: Milhouse, I'm impressed.
287
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,156
The store is so busy.
288
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,241
You and Bart are really great businessmen.
289
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,326
Well, I'm really the brains.
290
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,995
Bart's just the eye candy.
291
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,247
Hi. Eric Reynolds, Plan Nine Comics.
292
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,707
Is the manager here?
293
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:33,502
Well... I'm kind of the co-manager.
294
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,964
Tough break, Toots.
295
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,842
I need a man who answers to no one.
296
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,803
A full manager.
297
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,598
Hatchi-matchi!
298
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,601
{\an8}I can help you, sir.
299
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,687
{\an8}And I answer to no one.
300
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,733
Well, then, you'll want to stock up
301
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,276
on our new superhero.
302
00:12:57,651 --> 00:13:00,279
{\an8}Would you say he's the ultimate superhero?
303
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,072
Oh, very ultimate indeed.
304
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,949
Point your peepers
305
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,284
at Biclops.
306
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,368
(gasps)
307
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,163
A superhero with glasses!
308
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,915
Oh, yeah, thick glasses...
309
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,166
kind of like yours.
310
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,503
So, how many do you need? 500? 600?
311
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,129
Six hundred sounds good.
312
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,923
Oh, that's too bad.
313
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,549
There's a price break at 1,000.
314
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,219
Oh, man.
315
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,475
{\an8}I'll take 2,000.
316
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,525
Human contact... the final frontier.
317
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:38,943
(sighing)
318
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,153
Out of the way, Tubby.
319
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,405
Oh, pardon me, "Oldie Hawn."
320
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,490
Wh... ah!
321
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:47,576
Why you ill-mannered sack of crap!
322
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,661
Oh, goody.
323
00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:51,372
Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.
324
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,500
You are the rudest man who ever...
325
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,585
bought me dinner.
326
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,963
Correction. I do not believe
327
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,423
I have ever bought you... Oh.
328
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:05,261
(theme from A Summer Place playing)
329
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:15,479
So, how many issues of Biclops
would you like?
330
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,856
Biclops?
331
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,066
Who's his girlfriend? Lois Lame?
332
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,818
He's kinda afraid of girls.
333
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,571
Ah, it doesn't even smack good.
334
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,365
How could you spend all our money
335
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,951
on a comic book published by LensCrafters?
336
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,786
We'll never sell these.
337
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,663
Birds won't even use them in their nests.
338
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,206
(squawking)
339
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,709
(grumbling squawks)
340
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:41,589
OK. So I made one bad decision.
341
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,798
(sighing) It's my fault
342
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,258
for leaving you in charge.
343
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,385
Sometimes, I forget how young you are.
344
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,429
I'm only three months younger than you.
345
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:50,556
Oh, look, you're getting cranky.
346
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,099
You haven't had your juice.
347
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:54,435
Well, my straw broke off in the carton.
348
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:56,520
That's not the point!
349
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,480
We're supposed to be partners
350
00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,690
and you're pushing me around
351
00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:02,026
like a Playskool Corn Popper.
352
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:03,694
It's a vacuum cleaner, Milhouse.
353
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,614
Whatever! I demand respect!
354
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,240
I have feelings!
355
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,242
I'm a human boy!
356
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,369
Just like you!
357
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,623
(quietly) Shh. Use your indoor voice.
358
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,499
OK, that's it.
359
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,169
(groans)
360
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,130
(screaming)
361
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,095
(screaming)
362
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,769
En garde!
363
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,607
Oh!
364
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,817
(grunting with effort)
365
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,159
Eat watering can, partner!
366
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,244
(thudding)
367
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,081
Whoa!
368
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,459
Comic Book Guy's secret stash!
369
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,670
Look all these bootleg videos!
370
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,713
Alien Autopsy.
371
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,132
Illegal Alien Autopsy.
372
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,593
Godfather III, good version.
373
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,470
He's got the tape of Kent Brockman
374
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,680
picking his nose!
375
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,350
Look! He's picking his nose!
376
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,726
(clock ticking)
377
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,070
MRS. SKINNER: (flirty) I'll be right down!
378
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,823
I'm just putting on my witch hazel.
379
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,242
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
380
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,953
So, uh, your mother tells me
381
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,830
you go to Springfield Elementary.
382
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,666
Exactly what is your interest
in my mother?
383
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,126
She makes me laugh.
384
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,920
Here I come!
385
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,714
(loud squeaking)
386
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,844
(gasping) Good Lord,
Mother, I can see your...
387
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,262
figure.
388
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:57,474
{\an8}Oh, you see a lot more
when you do my daily mole check.
389
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:01,395
What I do for my allowance money
is nobody's business.
390
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,605
He's not nobody.
391
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,525
He might even be your new daddy.
392
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,527
(cackling)
393
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,738
(snickering)
394
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,947
(strangled gulp)
395
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,199
"Police informant tape"?
396
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,410
These are never supposed
to leave the station.
397
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,496
I really hate to be a snitch.
398
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:20,622
WIGGUM: Don't worry.
399
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,624
Your yellow-bellied ratting will be held
400
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,126
in the strictest confidence.
401
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,836
(sighs) Well, in that case...
402
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:29,548
My neighbor Homer
released a radioactive ape in my house.
403
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,509
It's, uh, it's taken over
the whole top floor.
404
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,261
It wasn't Dad's fault.
405
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,596
The ape tricked him.
406
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:36,889
What's next?
407
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,266
"Mr. Rogers drunk."
408
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,146
MR. ROGERS: Well, what do you mean
409
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,565
I can't take off my sweater?
410
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,358
(screaming) I'm hot!
411
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:51,445
You know, I'll bet kids
would pay to see this stuff.
412
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,573
We could have a midnight screening
right here in the store!
413
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:55,574
(gasps)
414
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,534
{\an8}That's actually a great idea, Milhouse.
415
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,744
{\an8}Really?
416
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,871
{\an8}Well, I was due.
417
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,874
I'll say... partner.
418
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,044
MARGE: So many restaurants.
419
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,129
Oh, I can't decide!
420
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,591
I throw myself on the mercy
of the food court.
421
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:18,263
{\an8}Um... I guess I'll have
the chicken tandoori.
422
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,099
And I'll have the beef Wellington.
423
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,185
{\an8}(buzzer beeping)
424
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,067
Oh, look at you two!
425
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,902
You look so couply.
426
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,113
Yes, we're a perfect match.
427
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,615
Her sneer just lights up my day.
428
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,409
And we're always
finishing each other's insults.
429
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,411
♪ And they called it ♪
430
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:45,207
♪ Puppy love ♪
431
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,837
♪ Oh, I guess they'll never know ♪
432
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,005
(both guffawing)
433
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,675
Oh, that does my heart good.
434
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,596
♪ Really feels ♪
435
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,977
♪ And I love her so ♪
436
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,020
AGNES: Sunsets.
437
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:10,149
Thank God there's only one of these a day.
438
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,484
Could it be any more orange?
439
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,944
(sighs contentedly)
440
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,991
I must warn you that
once this next tape starts
441
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,703
it will not stop,
because that button is broken.
442
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:23,996
Let's watch.
443
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,082
If you are watching this tape
444
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,042
you are the President
of the United States.
445
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,502
Hello, sir or ma'am.
446
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:31,879
Hopefully sir.
447
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:32,963
Got that right.
448
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:33,964
BOTH: Yes!
449
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,758
The town of Springfield
has been classified NWB
450
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,302
or "Nuclear Whipping Boy."
451
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,095
In the first moments of a nuclear war
452
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,056
Springfield will be bombed
at will by all friendly nations
453
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,266
to calibrate their missiles.
454
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,101
(cheering)
455
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,354
Now for total security,
I will terminate the cameraman.
456
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:50,898
-(groaning)
-(body thuds)
457
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,524
Thanks a lot, Steve.
458
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,735
(all laughing)
459
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,446
All right, this is a raid!
460
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,657
(heads thudding)
461
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,202
Well, well, well...
462
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:06,455
this place has got
more pirated tapes than a...
463
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,457
A Chinese K-Mart?
464
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,833
Well, that'll have to do.
465
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:11,877
Uh, these yours, son?
466
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:12,878
No, sir.
467
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:16,006
We're just exhibiting them
for profit without permission.
468
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,216
Fair enough.
469
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,843
But the owner is in more hot water than...
470
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,471
A Japanese tea bag?
471
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,139
Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou?
472
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,267
♪ Baby, I'm-a want you ♪
473
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,436
♪ Baby, I'm-a need you ♪
474
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,230
Well, you've changed me, Agnes.
475
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:34,942
Maybe there is room in my store
for romance comics.
476
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,401
Nobody'll buy those.
477
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,861
Your store smells.
478
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,821
Now kiss me, Funny Face.
479
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,575
All right!
480
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,786
Oh, oh! Dear God!
481
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,204
Cover your eyes, boys.
482
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,122
(retching)
483
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,249
It's OK, man.
484
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,542
If it doesn't affect you,
you're not human.
485
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:55,128
Uh, Comic Book Guy, you're under arrest
486
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,964
for the possession of illegal videos.
487
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:58,090
But we'll reduce the sentence
488
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,467
if you put your pants on, fast!
489
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:01,385
God!
490
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,636
Come on, Romeo.
491
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,432
They can't lock me up for long, Agnes.
492
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,517
Will you wait for me?
493
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:09,977
Are you crazy?
494
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,895
My bones are half dust.
495
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,440
Well, we may not have the store
496
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,567
but at least we're friends again.
497
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,527
Yep.
498
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,404
And we haven't been to school
499
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,073
in days and days and days.
500
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:24,408
Oh, well.
501
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:27,202
Looks like everything's back to normal.
502
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:30,455
Ow!
503
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:34,793
Look, if you want me to turn, just point.
504
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:36,128
That-- ow!
505
00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:38,755
It's one way!
506
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:39,756
(monkey gibbering)
507
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,842
{\an8}NED: Ow! Ow! Now what was that for?
508
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,427
{\an8}-(monkey slapping)
-NED: Ow! Ow! Ow!
509
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:47,306
(closing theme music)
510
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:26,136
{\an8}Shh!
511
00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:28,930
{\an8}AGNES: Why, you ill-mannered sack of crap!
512
00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:31,767
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services