1 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:03,044 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,589 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,685 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,400 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:38,955 (playing the blues) 6 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,006 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,893 (honking horn) 8 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,187 (tires screeching) 9 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,107 D'oh! (screams) 10 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,901 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,946 Oh, Doctor, I'm crazy! (sobbing) 12 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:25,418 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to America's favorite game show... 13 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,962 {\an8}ALL: Me Wantee! 14 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,590 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: And here's that question-asking guy... 15 00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,425 {\an8}Virgil Sinclair! 16 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,178 {\an8}-All right, Moe Szyslak... -Yes, Virgil? 17 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,263 {\an8}Yesterday we asked if you wanted to risk it all 18 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,265 {\an8}for $500,000 19 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,142 {\an8}and you stalled for 20 minutes. 20 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,269 {\an8}Yes. Yes, I did. I was told to. 21 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,231 {\an8}Hey, that's great. But now we must have your answer 22 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,025 {\an8}in the next 10 or 15 minutes. 23 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,486 {\an8}AUDIENCE: Ooh! 24 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:54,197 {\an8}You want some of this? Well, do you? 25 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,990 {\an8}I can honestly say I do. 26 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,535 {\an8}All right, then. For half a million dollars 27 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,996 {\an8}which of the following is not a subatomic particle? 28 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,123 {\an8}Oy. 29 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,207 {\an8}(Virgil reading) 30 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,422 {\an8}Oh, boy. 31 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,466 {\an8}All right, let's see here. Uh... 32 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,468 {\an8}Well, I was born in Indiana... 33 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,928 {\an8}so that ain't it. 34 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:21,224 {\an8}And, uh... hmm. I better call my lifeline. 35 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:23,268 {\an8}(ringing) 36 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:24,477 {\an8}Yello? 37 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,021 {\an8}Hey, Moe! We're watching you on TV! 38 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,273 {\an8}Yeah, I know, Homer. 39 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:31,067 {\an8}HOMER: So, how's that bowel obstruction doing? 40 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,819 {\an8}Homer! Please. Heh-heh. 41 00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,238 {\an8}I got a nuclear-type question here. 42 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,781 {\an8}Well, it all starts when 43 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}a nulecule comes out of its nest. 44 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,785 {\an8}The answer is "bonbon"! 45 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,371 {\an8}I'm going to say "bonbon." 46 00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:44,497 {\an8}"Bonbon," eh, Moe? 47 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,541 {\an8}Is that your... ultimate response? 48 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,835 {\an8}-Yuh-huh. -Oh... you are... 49 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:49,752 {\an8}correct! 50 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,129 {\an8}(groans) 51 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:54,257 {\an8}Well, Moe, would you like to stop where you are 52 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,342 {\an8}or try for $1 million? 53 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,636 {\an8}(audience gasps) 54 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,931 {\an8}Well... gee, I really do love currency 55 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,559 {\an8}but, um, I think I'm going to play it safe 56 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:05,768 {\an8}and stick with what I got. 57 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,645 {\an8}-You're the boss. -Yes, I am. 58 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,356 {\an8}(cheering) 59 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:14,110 {\an8}Eh, this quiz show crap is just a fad. 60 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,904 {\an8}Well, fad or not, it's here to stay. 61 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,739 {\an8}And it's killing your show in the ratings. 62 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,866 {\an8}Hey, what do you want from me? I do a kid show! 63 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,535 {\an8}And it's a classic. We just want you to open it up. 64 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,746 {\an8}Run wild. Shatter the boundaries. Slash and burn. 65 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,080 {\an8}Without alienating anyone. 66 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:29,500 {\an8}Oy, these facockta network notes. 67 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,002 {\an8}Can you believe this? 68 00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,128 {\an8}(blowing raspberry) 69 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,005 {\an8}All we're saying is be dangerous. 70 00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,590 {\an8}But warm. And edgy-cute. 71 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:38,092 {\an8}Aah! 72 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,844 {\an8}Did that exit work for you? 73 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,262 {\an8}I'd like to see it without the scream. 74 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,388 {\an8}I was just thinking that. 75 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,849 (barking rhythmically) 76 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,353 Hey, hey, kids! 77 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,188 Let's hear it for Madame Mimi 78 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:52,815 and her Cheese-Seeking Poodles! 79 00:03:55,360 --> 00:04:00,156 We'll be back with a sketch set in the craziest place... 80 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,282 a restaurant! 81 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,992 {\an8}(goofy laughter) 82 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,410 And... roll commercial. 83 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,120 Krusty? Yeah. 84 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,622 Quick thought about this restaurant set. 85 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,539 Huh? 86 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,291 Could it look more like a diner? 87 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,918 Ooh! The Seinfeld diner! 88 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,878 Are you nuts? I'm on in five seconds. 89 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,797 'Cause the great thing about Seinfeld was... 90 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:16,881 You're on, Krusty. 91 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:23,096 Ah. Nothing like a meal in a fine restaurant. 92 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,682 {\an8}Ah, here comes the waitress. 93 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,725 We're losing male teens. 94 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,727 Can you get jiggy with something? 95 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,771 {\an8}You're giving me notes while I'm on the air? 96 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,523 That tears it! 97 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:37,026 Folks, I've been in show biz for 61 years, 98 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,904 but now these jerks have sucked all the fun out. 99 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,116 I don't need 12 suits telling me which way to pee. 100 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,618 Uh, for "pee," could you substitute "whiz"? 101 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,996 I... don't know-- that could upset the Cheez Whiz people. 102 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,622 I was just thinking that. 103 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,207 I can't take it anymore! 104 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,043 Folks, don't miss this Friday's show. 105 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,087 {\an8}It'll be my last! 106 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,380 (gasping) 107 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,673 Quitting show biz. 108 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,217 Yeah, I know I like the area, but where does it go? 109 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,635 Get away from me! 110 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,803 Wait! 111 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,722 We have more notes! 112 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,599 (both grunting) 113 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,560 Get off, damn you! 114 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,688 You can kill me, but two more will take my place! 115 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,903 {\an8}I can't believe Krusty's retiring. 116 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,572 This is tragic. 117 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,657 A world without Krusty. 118 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,743 What would that be like? 119 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,203 What's on TV? 120 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,413 Nutsy the clown. 121 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,206 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! 122 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,420 Well, I think it's good for a show to go off the air 123 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,839 before it becomes stale and repetitive. 124 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:42,008 Maggie shot Mr. Burns again! 125 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,761 (cricket chirping) 126 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,181 (coughs) 127 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,932 Krusty the Clown's retirement 128 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,101 has provoked an outpouring of anguish 129 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,228 not seen since the small plane crash 130 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,064 that killed the Banana Splits. 131 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,483 We now go live to Krustylu Studios. 132 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:00,902 (all sobbing) 133 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:03,154 What's the mood there, Chief Clancy Wiggum? 134 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,698 These kids are getting a little out of hand, Kent, 135 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,117 so we're going to have to fire the time-out gas. 136 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,454 (all yelling) 137 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,082 Hey, Kent, are you guys still having that contest 138 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,250 where we guess what city the weather girl's in? 139 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,169 (chuckling) That was eight years ago. 140 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:19,379 Is it Pittsburgh? 141 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:23,007 I spoke to Krusty about his legacy of laughter. 142 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,676 Kent, the young people today 143 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,137 they think comedy is dirty words. 144 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,599 It's not. It's words that sound dirty. 145 00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:32,725 Like mukluk. 146 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,102 (both laughing) 147 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,728 KRUSTY (over P.A. system): Mukluk. 148 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,022 You like that? No charge. Mukluk. 149 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,066 Mukluk. 150 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,527 Oh, can it, you tiresome tot-sitter. 151 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,445 I was the risible one in our dyad. 152 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,406 Ever watch the old episodes? 153 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,366 Oh, Kent, that's a sad story. 154 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:51,285 I taped over all my old episodes. 155 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,704 {\an8}Oh, you know, I had a thing for Judge Judy 156 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,332 {\an8}and blank tape was $3.99. 157 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,583 {\an8}What would you do? 158 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,793 (gasps) 159 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:01,754 Those are my shows. 160 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,465 Frankly, Kent, those episodes were no big loss. 161 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,967 The show didn't really get funny 162 00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,845 until we fired Sideshow Bob and hired whosits. 163 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,640 {\an8}You've erased my past. 164 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,435 {\an8}Now I'll erase your future. 165 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,770 Hey, hey, lights out! 166 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,021 Oh, honestly. 167 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,149 At Chino, they get to stay up till 9:00. 168 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,818 Now, Bob, I've talked to the warden at Chino 169 00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,236 and that's just not true. 170 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:26,821 {\an8}(grumbling) 171 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,741 Your Honor, my incarceration 172 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,452 is cruel and unusual punishment. 173 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,037 First, my prison-issued shower sandals 174 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,581 are grossly undersized. 175 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,042 Secondly, the prison book club 176 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,921 consists mainly of prisoners who club me with books. 177 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,965 {\an8}These are from the new Tom Clancy. 178 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,884 {\an8}Although it's less painful than reading him. 179 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,051 {\an8}Am I right, folks? 180 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,596 Motion granted! Release the prisoner! 181 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,015 (thunder rumbling) 182 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,771 Now, don't try anything funny this time, Bob. 183 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:03,941 I'm going to be on you like red beans on, uh... 184 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,027 Hey, hey, don't walk so fast. 185 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,112 Hey, no fair-- you got long legs. 186 00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,822 I got these little bitty hooves. 187 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,824 (panting) Bob! 188 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,996 OK, here's your storage locker 189 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,122 just the way you left it. 190 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,790 Thank you, Raphael. 191 00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,418 Now, this is a ticklish question, but... 192 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,711 You want to live in the box? 193 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,712 Cost you two bucks a day. 194 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:27,215 Oh, thank you, kind innkeeper. 195 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,302 You going to want a wake-up jab? 196 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,221 -Please. -( in Spanish) No Problemo. 197 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,807 (humming a tune) 198 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,392 -(door opening) -(in English) MAN: Hiya, neighbor! 199 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,310 (gasps) 200 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,437 Hey, wai-wai-wait. Whatcha writing there? 201 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,355 If you must know, 202 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,899 it's an exquisite scheme for revenge. 203 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,234 Ah, revenge, huh? 204 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,944 Half the guys in here are working on that. 205 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,365 (maniacal chuckle) 206 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,116 Well, mine's better. 207 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,288 Phase One begins in... 208 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,667 ten, nine, eight... 209 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:03,834 Oh, I can't wait! 210 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,965 Now, Bob, uh, your graduate degrees 211 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,342 more than qualify you to be assistant janitor. 212 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:12,343 (chuckles) 213 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,469 My blushes. 214 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,263 But I am a bit troubled 215 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,515 by your constant attempts to murder people. 216 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,768 To be fair, most of those people were Bart Simpson. 217 00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,312 (chuckling) Good luck. 218 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,940 That kid's like the Road Runner, he won't go down. 219 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,108 Tell me about it. 220 00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:28,901 (both chuckling) 221 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,405 Hey... you know, Bob, your voice would be perfect 222 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,490 for the school's morning announcements. 223 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:38,744 Attention, the French club picnic has been canceled. 224 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:39,912 (in French) Quel dommage. 225 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,206 (chuckles) (in English) You're hired. 226 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,916 It begins. 227 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,960 (evil chuckle) 228 00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:49,880 (evil laughter) 229 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,632 I mean, my... 230 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,468 announcing career. That's what's beginning. 231 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,017 SIDESHOW BOB: Good morning. Springfield Elementary. 232 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,644 In the lost and found today, we have one plaid kilt. 233 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:04,812 Ooh! 234 00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:07,523 I believe the clan is "Graham of Montrose." 235 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,608 Aw. 236 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:12,236 This new morning announcer sounds awfully familiar. 237 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,780 And finally, Bart Simpson 238 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,117 should immediately proceed, unescorted 239 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,953 to the old sports equipment shed behind the school. 240 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,205 (evil chuckling) 241 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,291 Ha. So long, suckers. 242 00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,168 (humming) 243 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,586 (swings creaking) 244 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:31,505 -(wind whistling) -(birds screeching) 245 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:36,802 (ghostly voices) ♪ Ring around the rosy... ♪ 246 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,937 (screaming) 247 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,399 {\an8}-Hello, Bart. -(gasps) 248 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,819 Oh, it's you, Bob. How you doing? 249 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,237 No screams? 250 00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,657 Not even an "eep"? 251 00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,991 Hey, I'm not afraid of you. 252 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,661 Every time we tangle, you wind up in jail. 253 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:02,745 I'm 6-0. 254 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,331 I'll admit that the record is a little one-sided. 255 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:09,251 But this time, I cannot fail. 256 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,171 (growling) 257 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:15,216 Rakes. My old archenemy. 258 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:17,051 I thought I was your archenemy. 259 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:19,261 I have a life outside of you, Bart. 260 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,640 (thunder rumbling) 261 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,059 What're you going to do to me? 262 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,895 Oh, believe me, I have a plan. 263 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,021 Let's see. 264 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,065 Get job as school announcer... Lure Bart to shed... 265 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,483 Secure same to chair with rope... 266 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:36,195 Ah, here we are. "Have Bart kill Krusty." 267 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,363 Krusty? 268 00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,031 That's the one man I would never kill. 269 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,867 Oh, you will kill Krusty. 270 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,994 During his final show. 271 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,372 And you won't even know you're doing it. 272 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:51,127 Watch the shiny quarter, Bart. 273 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,003 That's it. 274 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:54,964 {\an8}Oh, damn it, where'd it go? 275 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,507 I needed that for laundry. 276 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,967 Hey, stupid. 277 00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,760 (laughing) You looked. 278 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,846 (muttering) 279 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,394 Yes, that will do. 280 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,397 Watch the spiral, Bart. 281 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,692 Let it entrance you with its twirliness. 282 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,862 Twirliness. 283 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,697 {\an8}You are in my power. 284 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,782 {\an8}(robotically) I am at your command. 285 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,118 I didn't say anything about command. 286 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,786 You're in my power. Say so. 287 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,788 {\an8}I am in your power. 288 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,249 Excellent. Actually, go back to command. 289 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,584 No, power. Power. 290 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:37,298 Look, Krusty invited us to the taping of his last episode. 291 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,343 (robotically) Hello, family. 292 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,221 Where've you been, young man? It's nearly bedtime. 293 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,016 {\an8}I was... I was... 294 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,225 If anyone asks 295 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,686 you were at the flower shop. 296 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,147 {\an8}I was at the flower shop. 297 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,567 Oh, yeah, I was at the flower shop, too. 298 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,779 Yep, getting drunk at the old flower shop. 299 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:00,946 Mm-hmm. 300 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,366 Now, to see if you will really attack your hero... 301 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,410 (yelling) 302 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,537 (grunting) 303 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,627 Yes, yes! 304 00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:17,046 Work the groin. 305 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,215 Excuse me-- could you take our picture? 306 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,341 Uh, yeah. 307 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,259 It should focus automatically. 308 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,553 It do. 309 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,389 Chief, you might want to take a look outside. 310 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,557 That's it! 311 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,351 Kill Krusty! 312 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:33,646 Just like you'll kill him tomorrow night! 313 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:37,316 Aw, it's so great to see a kid using a wooden bat. 314 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,318 These days it's all aluminum this 315 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:40,611 and George W. that. 316 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,863 Hey, Chief, look what I got in my Laffy Meal. 317 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,698 Oh, mini-pinball. 318 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,242 Hey, give that back. 319 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,744 {\an8}Give what back, Lou? (snickering) 320 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:52,122 Oh, yeah! (laughing maniacally) 321 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,089 Good evening, folks. 322 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,758 Welcome to my final clown-cast. 323 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,678 The word "legend" has many definitions... 324 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,222 (zombie-like) This is for Sideshow Bob. 325 00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,599 (screaming) 326 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,269 (moaning) 327 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,229 Marvelous, marvelous. 328 00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:16,230 Funny till the end. 329 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,231 Moment of silence. 330 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,732 Well, it's my show now. 331 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,150 (cheering and applause) 332 00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,361 {\an8}Thank you, thank you... 333 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,238 {\an8}Thank you. 334 00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,324 Hmm... 335 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,786 Oh, just a dream. 336 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:36,667 But tonight, I will taste the sweet nectar of vengeance. 337 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,168 -(laughing) -(knock on door) 338 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,879 ATTENDANT: Bug spray! 339 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,425 Ohh... 340 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,933 (karate yells) 341 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:59,690 Kent Brockman here at Krusty the Clown's final show. 342 00:14:59,773 --> 00:15:02,234 And here comes out-of-work actor Ranier Wolfcastle. 343 00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,613 Someone please, give me a job. 344 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,115 I've lowered my quote to $8 million. 345 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:09,825 (chuckling) Hear that, Hollywood? 346 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,243 The boy wants to work. 347 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,121 I do nude scene, I play nerd... 348 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,873 Don't make me punch your throat. 349 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,208 (chuckling) Always a delight. 350 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,429 ANNOUNCER: And now, retiring for the fifth and final time... 351 00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,932 -Krusty the Klown! -(applause) 352 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,270 Thank you, folks. Now, fasten your funny belts 353 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,023 as our own Chimpendale's dancer 354 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,943 gives you the Full Monkey. 355 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,780 ♪ I believe in miracles ♪ 356 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:48,864 HOMER: Take it off! 357 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,200 ♪ Where you from? ♪ 358 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,494 ♪ You sexy thing ♪ 359 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,870 ♪ Sexy thing, you... ♪ 360 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,122 SIDESHOW BOB: Bart... 361 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,626 Bart... 362 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,127 It's time, Bart. 363 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,129 Time to blow up the clown. 364 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,299 {\an8}Time to blow up the clown. 365 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,884 Go. Blow. 366 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,471 And now a special treat... 367 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:17,059 My TV debut on the Milk of Magnesia Summer Cavalcade. 368 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,602 Let's watch. 369 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,062 {\an8}Look at me. 370 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,314 {\an8}I am Kaputnik, the Russian satellite. 371 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,985 {\an8}Yah! The Bolshoi's doing the Nutcracker in my pants. 372 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:26,986 {\an8}(gasping) 373 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,738 Back then you couldn't say "pants" on TV. 374 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,657 I was banned for ten years. 375 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,035 Finally, I got a second chance on Laugh-In. 376 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,913 Hey, Krusty, what do you get 377 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,416 when you cross a chicken with a beagle? 378 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:41,583 (banging and grunting) 379 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,419 KRUSTY: The facockta doors are stuck! 380 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,754 Don't just stare, Arty, help me! 381 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:51,010 Those lousy shutters set me back another 22 years. 382 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,137 (applause and cheering) 383 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:58,684 (humming) 384 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:03,939 {\an8}(a la Jackie Gleason) Mm, that's good plastic explosive. 385 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,357 {\an8}Ha-ha-ha. 386 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:12,906 Now, my little hypno-assassin, your cue to attack will be 387 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:17,453 when Krusty says "I've never had such a great audience." 388 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,912 You will run up and hug him 389 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:22,082 blowing each of you to smithereens. 390 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,209 Whatever. 391 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,336 Now we're going to show you some clips from... 392 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,130 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 393 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,965 Oh, no! 394 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051 I wanted to keep this quiet. 395 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,720 (chuckles) Can I embarrass this guy for a moment? 396 00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:38,599 Three years ago, Krusty pledged over a million dollars 397 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,434 to start Krusty's Kare Center. 398 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,853 -(applause) -Please, stop already. 399 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,898 To this day Krusty has not given us a dime 400 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,232 has he, Francis? 401 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,693 I'm cold all the time. 402 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,822 {\an8}Oh, look, it was all a bookkeeping snafu. 403 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,450 {\an8}-Could I have the check now? -Now? 404 00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,035 {\an8}Uh, sure. 405 00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,661 {\an8}God bless you, Krusty. 406 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,788 ALL: Aww... 407 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,706 {\an8}And if my banker's watching 408 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:07,377 {\an8}let nothing stop you from payment of this check. 409 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,218 Ah, the catwalk. 410 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,719 A perfect vantage point... 411 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,347 for revenge. 412 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,224 (chuckles evilly) 413 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,770 Ah, kettle chips, the perfect side dish... 414 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,314 for revenge. 415 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,441 What a special night. 416 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,068 And you know something? 417 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,987 {\an8}I've never had such a great audience. 418 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,489 Hmm? 419 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,120 {\an8}-We've had a lot... -Poor Krusty. 420 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,747 This is your Waterloo. 421 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:48,043 Soon you'll be Napoleon Blownapart. 422 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:49,503 Ugh, terrible. 423 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,754 Oh, hush up, Leo. 424 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:54,550 You know, I'd like to thank God for all my success 425 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,845 even though I never worshiped or believed in Him in any way. 426 00:18:57,928 --> 00:19:01,056 But before I sweep up my last spotlight 427 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,517 there's one thing I've got to say. 428 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,145 Over the years I've... 429 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,272 a lot of-- Whoa! 430 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,274 and I've-- guh, guh 431 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,359 my share of-- Ah-ooga! 432 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:14,695 but there's only one thing I'm ashamed of. 433 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,822 "Ashamed"? 434 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,199 There was a man who used to work for me. 435 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,995 A man of grace and humor, but I mistreated him 436 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,455 and drove him to a life of crime 437 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,542 so wherever you are, I just want to say 438 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,379 Sideshow Bob, I'm sorry. 439 00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:38,802 ♪ Oh, Bob, you repaid my abuse with raw hatred ♪ 440 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,305 ♪ But I need you today ♪ 441 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,141 ♪ Oh, Bob, well, you went ♪ 442 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:47,477 ♪ To Apu's and you framed me ♪ 443 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:50,272 ♪ So they locked me away ♪ 444 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:55,402 {\an8}Oh, that sweet, funny man. 445 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,447 Oh, no! 446 00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,698 My boy bomb! 447 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,784 Well, good night and... 448 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,246 Oh, look, it's a tow-headed little fan. 449 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,831 What do you say, folks? 450 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,542 -Should I hug him? -ALL: Yeah! 451 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,928 No! 452 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,012 Hmm? 453 00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:27,935 (yelling) 454 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,856 Oh, God, a bomb! 455 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,399 I was just thinking that. 456 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:35,817 (resigned sigh) 457 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,322 What happened? Was anyone hurt? 458 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,991 Just some network executives. 459 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,628 BOTH (robotically): We have notes. 460 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,881 Have you thought about Dave Chapelle? 461 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,758 Destroy! 462 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,552 OK, everybody, 463 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,346 say "funny." 464 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,847 ALL: Funny! 465 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,016 Perfect. 466 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:14,231 Krusty, I'm so sorry about the attempted murder. 467 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:16,984 Will you stop with the sorry? 468 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,278 Every time you try to kill me 469 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,072 my ratings go through the roof, you nut. 470 00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:24,449 We are good together, Krusty. 471 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,619 It makes me sad that you're getting the death penalty. 472 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:31,123 -Ah. Don't remind me. -(squeaking) 473 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:34,084 (sighs) OK, where do you want to do this thing? 474 00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:35,752 Isn't it customary to have a trial? 475 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,338 Oh, a wise guy, huh? 476 00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:43,510 (theme music playing) 477 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:26,887 -(people chattering) -Shh! 478 00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:29,681 {\an8}KRUSTY: Mukluk. 479 00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:32,392 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services