1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,577 The Simpsons. 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,673 Barting Over. 3 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:22,781 Today, we honor three great Americans. Jazz legend Ornette Coleman. 4 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:25,971 Playwright Arthur Miller. 5 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,433 Yes. Yes. Ha, ha. 6 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,342 And all-around genius, Lisa Simpson. 7 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:38,004 We're not worthy. We're not worthy. 8 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,102 - Thank you, Mr. Cronkite. - Ah! 9 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,135 She knows my name. 10 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,315 Ladies and gentlemen... 11 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,204 ...tonight, I'd like to harangue you about the plight of... 12 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,796 Ugh. Oh, Mom, why did you wake me up? 13 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,122 I dreamt I was at the Kennedy Center Honors. 14 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:06,408 Well, here's another low-rated annual event: Spring-cleaning. 15 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,098 Come on. Everyone's helping. 16 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,421 You've gotta get rid of those Furbys. They've turned feral. 17 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,156 Hmm. This is an interesting old book. 18 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,073 Ooh! Mad Libs. 19 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,045 Hey, a box of old videotapes. 20 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,310 "Marge and Homer Get Dirty"? Hey, Lis, think you're well-adjusted? 21 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,719 I've got something to show you. 22 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,506 I can't believe you talked me into this. 23 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,289 It's such a mess. 24 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,614 Ooh, watch the teeth. 25 00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,013 Don't go telling your buddies at work about this. 26 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,475 - Every tape is pumpkin carving. - Hey, what's this? 27 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:09,043 "Bart Sad." If I ever needed proof of the existence of God, here it is. 28 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,299 Balki, you're dancing in the toilet. 29 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:19,439 What? You never heard of flush dance? 30 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,474 Ha, ha. Perfect Strangers will return after these commercials. 31 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,697 What a beautiful baby. 32 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,544 Ah! What horrible breath. 33 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,225 He's the baby Whose mouth smells like death. 34 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,957 Run for your life It's Baby Stink-Breath. 35 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,140 Oh, my God. That's me. 36 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:46,779 This isn't "Bart Sad." It's "Bart's Ad." 37 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,220 Wait. I was in a commercial? I don't remember this at all. 38 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,038 No more Baby Stink-Breath. 39 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,906 Thanks to the Baby So Fresh tri-patch system. 40 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,637 These soothing patches alter your baby's DNA... 41 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,120 - ...while leaving the RNA untouched. - Aw. 42 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,200 Not safe for babies under 2. 43 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,930 You're Baby Stink-Breath. You're Baby Stink-Breath. 44 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:23,076 How could you make me Baby Stink-Breath and not even tell me? 45 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,912 I was going to tell you on my deathbed. 46 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,998 Honey, you did have a great time doing those commercials. 47 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,948 And you made a lot of money. 48 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:32,355 I did? Where is it? 49 00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,837 Your father invested it in a college trust fund... 50 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,679 ...which today must be worth a... 51 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,102 - La-la-la-la-la. - Hmm. 52 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,552 Of course, the stock market's been down lately. 53 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,352 But there must be some sort of... 54 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,534 La-la-la-la-la. 55 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,381 Nothing left. La-la-la-la-la. 56 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,341 You spent all the money I earned? 57 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:53,001 I needed it. I had to buy back some incriminating photos. 58 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,712 Look. See? You're fine. 59 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,422 And then, whoops! 60 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,217 Uh-oh. Look out. 61 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:05,118 I know this looks bad, but if you reverse it, Daddy's a hero. 62 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,537 See? Watch. 63 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,142 I saved you. 64 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,978 You stole my money! 65 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,490 Bart, stop that. 66 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:15,931 That's okay. His cute little hands can't even fit around my neck. He... 67 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,165 Now he's got it. 68 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,991 Bart, the larynx is not a plaything. 69 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,545 Mom, I am sick of the way he treats me. 70 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,600 He disrespects me and I'm just supposed to accept it? 71 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,665 Right. You're mine until you're 18. 72 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,095 When you're 17, I'm gonna know the end is near... 73 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:36,117 ...so I'm gonna work you like a dog. 74 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:42,311 So my dad blew all the money I made from that embarrassing commercial. 75 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,469 Promise me you won't tell anyone. 76 00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:47,452 I won't. But these things have a way of getting out. 77 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,027 Ha, ha, Baby Stink-Breath. 78 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,228 It was worth it. 79 00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,950 I just wish there was some way to get back at my dad. 80 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,849 When my mom wants to get back at my dad, she uses her lawyer. 81 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,207 - Does it make him cry? - More than normal. 82 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,937 Hey, son. 83 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,669 I've got tickets for the circus. 84 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,236 Hmm, "Badger, Haggle and Bill." 85 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,374 "Luvum and Burnham, Family Law." 86 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,856 "Hackey, Joke and Dunnit." 87 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:18,358 Bingo. 88 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,141 I want a divorce from my parents. 89 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,547 You wha...? 90 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,675 I said, I want a divorce from my parents. 91 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,886 I heard you. I was calling my secretary. 92 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:29,598 Uwa, get me the standard child-divorcing-parent form. 93 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,913 Yes, sir. 94 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:48,242 I heard a wonderful saying today, "Forgive and forget." 95 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,412 Yes. At times like this, I just look at my bracelet. 96 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,019 Good point, Dad. What would Jesus do? 97 00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:58,210 Jesus? I thought it was Geppetto. Aw, pfft. 98 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,611 - Who is it? - I'm here to serve you with a subpoena. 99 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,457 Well, I'm not opening the door. 100 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,198 It comes with a side of bacon. 101 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,753 - Is it crispy? - Yes. 102 00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,787 - But not too crispy? - No. 103 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,988 Unh. See you in court. 104 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,856 Bart, you're suing us? 105 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,692 - Yes. I wanna be emancipated. - Emancipated? 106 00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:23,694 Don't you like being a dude? 107 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,634 No, Dad. It means Bart would be a legal adult... 108 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,876 ...and free to move out of the house. 109 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,765 I wanted a sewing room but not like this. Not like this. 110 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,351 Mom, you've always been cool to me. 111 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:38,761 But Homer is a lousy dad and I'm not gonna take it anymore. 112 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,534 Hey, my dad was lousy and I didn't sue him. 113 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,829 I just dumped him in the cheapest home I could find. 114 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,177 Hey. My IV is empty. 115 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,585 And my catheter is full. 116 00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,333 - See you tomorrow. - But you... 117 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:06,309 Bart, using this doll, tell the court where your father took money from you. 118 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,271 Here and here. 119 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:12,367 Let the records show that he pulled out the pockets of the doll. 120 00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:19,990 Mr. Simpson, your son alleges that you have an anger-management problem. 121 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,617 Why, you little... 122 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:28,383 Uh, I'm sorry, judge. That's a rare lapse in my normally calm demeanor. 123 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,866 Could the stenographer please read the previous statement? 124 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,150 - "Why, you little..." - Why, you little... 125 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,269 Why, you little... Why, you little... 126 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,360 All rise for the verdict. 127 00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:51,198 Son, I just want you to know whatever that judge decides... 128 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,617 ...I'm gonna be the best dad I can. 129 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,495 No judge would send a preteen out on his own... 130 00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:01,135 Whoo-hoo! You're still mine. And you thought I was a bad dad before... 131 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,126 ...except in this case. 132 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,819 That boy's about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack. 133 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:11,072 Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated. 134 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,816 Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid. 135 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,496 Mm, garnish. 136 00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,426 That means half your paycheck goes to Bart. 137 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:24,721 What the...? Half goes to Bart, half goes to my Vegas wife. 138 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,318 - What's left for Moe? - Homer, don't make things worse. 139 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,477 I'll show you worse. 140 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,797 I was told this would be televised! 141 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,510 How can I fit my whole life into a suitcase? 142 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,743 Maybe if I move that thing there. Perfect. 143 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,630 Where are you gonna live? 144 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,352 With the money Dad's paying me, I rented a loft downtown. 145 00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,750 Do you even know what a loft is? 146 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,962 - No. I assume it has hay. - Oh. 147 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,162 I'm gonna miss you. 148 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,539 - Here's something to remember me by. - Ow! 149 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,031 - Indian burn. - Look at it. 150 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,273 Aw, that's so sweet. 151 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,306 If I did it right, it's permanent. 152 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,748 Please don't go, Bart. 153 00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,127 I'll let you swear in the house. Everything but the big three. 154 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:20,141 Sorry, Mom. I just can't, not as long as he's here. 155 00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,447 Oh, honey. I can't believe this is happening. 156 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,450 I'll miss you so much. 157 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,267 Either give me some of that or let's get going. 158 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,364 Sorry, Mom. I gotta go. 159 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,203 Go ahead, leave. You'll come crawling back. 160 00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:44,759 That's right. Crawling on your knees. 161 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,201 Crawling! 162 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,340 He's really gone. 163 00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:00,202 He's gone! 164 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,111 Well, here I am, on my own. 165 00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,717 And I'm gonna make it, world. 166 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:20,034 Be quiet in there! Some of us are trying to sell drugs! 167 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,600 Look out, son. This one's got a little mustard on it. 168 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,636 Attaboy, we just won the World Series. 169 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,877 You and me together, yeah. 170 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,103 He should've done that with the real Bart when he had the chance. 171 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,233 Being a free man is great, Milhouse. 172 00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:44,632 I can draw on myself. 173 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,280 Boy, I wish I was a free man. 174 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,356 Mom. Where's Puppy Goo Goo? 175 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:55,705 Oh, Puppy Goo Goo, fetch me a dream. 176 00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:07,915 Ha, ha, boy, it's really empty in here. 177 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,062 Now, calm down. I'm perfectly safe. 178 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:20,813 Murder's illegal in this state. 179 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:31,022 Okay. That was just my imagination. 180 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,077 Mommy! 181 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,596 Not up. Down. 182 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:49,071 Oh, I'm gonna die in my jammies. 183 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:59,384 Say it ain't so, I will not go Turn the lights off, carry me home. 184 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,865 Hey, it's an emancipated minor. 185 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,670 - What's your name? - I'm Bart Simpson and... 186 00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:07,955 Hey, are you skateboarding legend Tony Hawk? 187 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,541 That's what my business cards say. 188 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,878 Oh, wait. That's my old phone number. 189 00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:21,729 You live in this building? 190 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,252 When I'm not on the road or in rehab for my pelvis. 191 00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,578 I hope you don't mind living below pro skaters who like to party. 192 00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,562 - I'll adjust. - Hey, Blink-182. 193 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,252 - We have names. - Whatever. You can crank it up. 194 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:36,348 Dude, let's trash this place. 195 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:37,943 After we get paid. 196 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,216 Nice. 197 00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,834 Oh, man, this is the greatest night of my life. 198 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,524 If my dad could see this, he'd be so mad. 199 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,683 He can. There's a webcam right there. 200 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:54,835 Of all the sites on all the web, I had to click onto his. 201 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:15,324 Darn it. I keep pouring juice for five. 202 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:19,318 Ha, ha, did you see that? Your mom thinks you're still here. 203 00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,946 Oh, tomorrow's the day the judge said we can visit Bart. 204 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,721 I think he might come home if we can show him we can treat him better. 205 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,548 For your information, I've been taking steps to become a better father. 206 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:34,020 For the past week, I've been carrying around this bag of sugar. 207 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,505 It's taught me how to love and care for a child. 208 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,193 What the...? Where the hell is my sugar? 209 00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:44,541 Condoleezza Marie ain't too playful tonight. 210 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,367 And I don't remember her being this granulated. 211 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,900 Can I put your baby in my coffee? 212 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,476 Well, the doctor said you eat any more baby... 213 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,770 ...they gonna take your foot. 214 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,351 Thanks for the lift, Tony Hawk. I gotta go now, Tony Hawk. 215 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:07,418 - Cool guy, Tony Hawk. - Bart, you know Tony Hawk? 216 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,118 Please, I'm trying to keep it quiet. 217 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:11,745 Catch you later, Tony Hawk. 218 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,215 Stay cool, Brett. 219 00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171 I don't think this is a good place for a 10-year-old boy. 220 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,102 Here's $5. Buy yourself a suit and get busy. 221 00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:26,844 I'll buy a suit... 222 00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,272 ...of drugs! 223 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,618 Hi, guys. Dad. 224 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,662 Hello, son. You're looking well. 225 00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:46,061 Wow, this place is great. 226 00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,355 That couch looks really pricey. 227 00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:51,316 Well, you need an expensive couch to watch an expensive TV. 228 00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:53,547 Of course, because you wouldn't want to... 229 00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,309 I paid for your splendor, you... 230 00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:02,859 And for every syringe I find, I get a dollar. 231 00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:05,392 - Well, that's great, honey. - Unh. 232 00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:08,114 You know, son, I've been doing a lot of thinking. 233 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,825 I was wrong to exploit you and I won't do it again. 234 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,286 Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to me. 235 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:17,978 You think you might see your way clear to moving back in with your ma and me? 236 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:22,910 Sorry. No can do. I'm taking off for six months to join the Skewed Tour. 237 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:24,662 Skewed Tour? 238 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,207 The traveling festival of rock 'n' roll, skateboarding and extreme sports? 239 00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:30,616 - And nipple piercing. - Aah! 240 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,357 Don't worry. They're clip-ons. 241 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,708 Behold the delightful unicorn I got at the face painting pavilion. 242 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,680 Dude, that was a tattoo parlor. 243 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,967 - He's suffered enough. - Yeah. But on the other hand... 244 00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,169 Just a reminder, people... 245 00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,837 ...if you're getting bogus returns on your investments... 246 00:16:56,099 --> 00:17:00,239 ...contact Goldman Sachs, the Skewed financial planners. 247 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,625 Up next on the halfpipe, boarding legend Tony Hawk. 248 00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:05,649 Up next on the halfpipe, boarding legend Tony Hawk. 249 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,345 Psst, Mr. Hawk, may I have a word with you? 250 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:13,992 - An extreme word? - Sure. 251 00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:16,672 My son is Bart Simpson and...! 252 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,737 I didn't say extreme to the max. 253 00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:21,729 Sorry. I just wanna win my son back so badly. 254 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,263 I can relate. I'm a father myself. 255 00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:26,432 Oh, one day, they're little shredders. 256 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,039 The next day, they're grinding their way to college. 257 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,790 Yeah, I make up words too. 258 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,366 I was wondering if you could pretend to lose to me... 259 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,630 ...in a skateboarding contest so I can be a hero to my boy again. 260 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,935 I'll lose millions in endorsements, but okay. 261 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,824 This board represents the ultimate in poser technology. 262 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,733 - It gives the illusion they have talent. - Groovy. 263 00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,246 Lock your feet in, the board does all the work. 264 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,758 All the work? 265 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,106 Fine. I'll lift you onto the board too. 266 00:17:57,661 --> 00:18:00,664 Do it without the attitude or don't do it at all. 267 00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:03,782 Now the portion of our event where champion Tony Hawk... 268 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:07,442 ...may be challenged by any unknown member of the audience. 269 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,444 I'm challenging you, Hawk... 270 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,998 ...in front of all these outcasts and dreamers... 271 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,960 ...who can't even get into the Army, if you can believe it. 272 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,753 Dad, how drunk are you? 273 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,265 Not very. 274 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,310 You're going down, Homer. Then back up. Then down. 275 00:18:21,894 --> 00:18:23,791 Back up again. That's how the game is played. 276 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,553 I can't count how many times... 277 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,171 ...your father's done something crazy like this. 278 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:31,403 It's 300, Mom. 279 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,572 I could've sworn it was 302. 280 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,448 Now to win back my son in comfort and style. 281 00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:01,235 You know, I could save money by buying separate nuts... 282 00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:03,133 ...and mixing them at home. 283 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,913 Man, I wanted him to look good, but not to show me up. 284 00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:14,874 It's time to take out the thrash. 285 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,021 Take that. 286 00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,764 Woo-hoo! I rule this pseudo-sport. 287 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,547 Come back to me, boy. 288 00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:44,142 Dad, you don't understand. 289 00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,324 This was never about being cool, it was about you not caring how I felt. 290 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,775 Oh, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, you stupid little kid. 291 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,330 Homer, you're heading for parental face-plant. 292 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,010 Do a 180 emotional ollie. 293 00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:03,526 Finally. Someone explains it to me in words I can understand. 294 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,478 Look, boy. I know I did wrong and I'm truly sorry. 295 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:12,285 I put you in humiliating commercials for money which I spent on myself. 296 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,935 I just wish I had an opportunity to make things right. 297 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:19,553 Mr. Simpson, I like the way you handled yourself on that board. 298 00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:21,680 Would you like to do a commercial? 299 00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:25,350 Anything. As long as I can give the money to my son. 300 00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:30,157 Excellent. I represent Viagrogaine, the topical rub for bald, impotent men. 301 00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,458 Well, I am bald and important. Where do I sign? 302 00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,322 Well, I am bald and important. Where do I sign? 303 00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:38,833 Oh, Steve, you're everything a girl could want. 304 00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:40,448 What's your secret? 305 00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:43,191 Well, Cathy, I'll tell you. It's Viagrogaine. 306 00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:46,340 It gives you lots of hair and what you need down there. 307 00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,884 What are you waiting for, loser? 308 00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,314 Side effects include loss of scalp and penis. 309 00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:54,828 - What did they say about my scalp? - Don't worry, Dad. It's a commercial. 310 00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:57,403 No one will remember this in 50 years.