1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,130
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,927
Okay. Mother's Day gift check.
Let's see what you got.

3
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:56,889
I picked Mom a bouquet
of Erigeron elatiors.

4
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,058
Daisies.

5
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:01,978
Flowers!

6
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,399
Oh... Yeah.

7
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,318
Lise, your stupid present
will only last a week.

8
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,821
Mine will sit in
the closet for years.

9
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,323
Bart, we made her
the same thing.

10
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:17,160
Oh! This is even worse
than you think! Look!

11
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,289
Kids, we're going
Mother's Day shopping.

12
00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:23,833
I'm glad this holiday
only comes every four years.

13
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,336
Let's see, what would she like?

14
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,255
Twenty on the trifecta?

15
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,091
Her wedding china back?

16
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:40,475
I could get Marge a new
window just like this one!

17
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,603
Hey, Dad, why don't
we try the Sprawl-Mart?

18
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,023
Yeah, I love Sprawl-Mart.
They've got everything.

19
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:49,859
Even Christian videos
with talking vegetables.

20
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:54,739
Mighty Yamses, we are weary
of building your food pyramid.

21
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:57,867
Let my pickles go!

22
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,703
Mmm! Moses.

23
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,418
Welcome to Sprawl-Mart!

24
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,504
Grampa?
You have a job?

25
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,548
How dare you challenge my
perceptions of what old people can do!

26
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:16,677
I'm a greeter. I'm here to
make every visit special.

27
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,722
And to size up
potential shoplifters.

28
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,391
Like I can't shoplift
with my mouth.

29
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:29,440
Wow. Look at
all this stuff.

30
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,861
Oh, look, Jaclyn Smith has
her own line of axe heads!

31
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:38,157
Yeah, it's impressive. But I still
haven't found the perfect gift for Marge,

32
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,827
only imperfect stuff for me.

33
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,830
Hey, look.
It's "Hairy Ass" Tubman.

34
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:49,085
Well, well, if it isn't
Fatty and Smell-ma.

35
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,670
Your names
can't hurt us.

36
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:58,761
Aunts Patty and Selma, can you
help us pick out a Mother's Day gift?

37
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,973
You can give her one of
these, the Kitchen Carnival.

38
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,893
We got one when we appeared
on an episode of The Price is Right,

39
00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:08,771
which the network
refused to air.

40
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,941
Apparently,
we're not "TV pretty."

41
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,111
Wow! It's a machine that
makes carnival food at home!

42
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:19,073
"Endorsed by the American
Carny Association."

43
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:20,783
Wow.

44
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,411
I never thought
I'd say this,

45
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,705
but you slags
are all right.

46
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,207
All this attention.

47
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:32,044
I feel like a secretary on
Administrative Professionals Day!

48
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,796
Marge, you're gonna
love my present.

49
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:37,717
It is so thoughtful, it makes
the kids' gifts look like crap.

50
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:46,893
Kitchen Carnival! I love
it! Thank you, Homie.

51
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,854
Oh, Marge,
get a room!

52
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,132
Only my hairdresser
knows for sure.

53
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:31,312
Dare I pour caramel
over the cotton candy?

54
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,787
I'm gonna pour
caramel on my clothes.

55
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,957
And then finally,
I can eat my shorts!

56
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,336
What is that?

57
00:04:55,712 --> 00:05:00,758
This is 85 pounds of
tooth-melting sugar. Dig in.

58
00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:08,724
That's it, kids.
Suckle daddy's sugar ball.

59
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,494
Chief, that guy shouldn't
be in the car pool lane.

60
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,122
His passenger is just
a big piece of candy.

61
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,498
I wish mine was.

62
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:33,916
What?
Nothin'.

63
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,465
Homer, are you
spooning that snack?

64
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,509
That's my old lady.

65
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,225
Ants!

66
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:53,602
Birds!

67
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:55,855
Cats!

68
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,232
Flandereses!

69
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:05,489
I was saving sugar
for my wedding night!

70
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,868
Homie, it's time you
got rid of that thing.

71
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,495
All that candy is
rotting your brain.

72
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:15,291
I think you
should get rid of her.

73
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,252
Then we can be
together forever!

74
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:24,008
Maybe you're right, Marge. Or maybe
you're right, Candy Ball. No, Marge!

75
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:28,554
Then again... No,
Marge! Definitely Marge!

76
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,983
Goodbye, old friend.

77
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:44,236
I'll think of you whenever I
have a stroke or a heart attack.

78
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,912
Oh, my God! I'm gonna
be killed by a bear!

79
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,956
Well, I guess I don't have to worry
anymore about the dangers of smoking.

80
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,668
Smooth.

81
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,893
Homie, what
happened to you?

82
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,687
Marge, please. I'm too
upset to talk about it.

83
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:22,316
But seeing you like this
is more than I can bear.

84
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,400
Bear! Ahhh!

85
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:28,614
The angry president woke up, crawled
out of his grave and went back to work.

86
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,536
That sound can mean
only one thing.

87
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:37,331
It's time for another
installment of "Kent's Cowards."

88
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,960
Today's clip comes straight
from the Springfield Dump.

89
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,880
Dad, you got
attacked by a bear?

90
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,300
I did a lot of stuff today.
I went to Starbucks.

91
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,010
But you didn't
see that on tape.

92
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,456
That hilarious footage

93
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,084
was shot by local hunter,
Grant Connor.

94
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,920
Not with a gun,
but with a camera!

95
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,591
That's right, Kent. I often get
guns and cameras confused.

96
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,594
One time, tragically,
at a wedding...

97
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,430
I don't care if they think
you're a coward, Dad.

98
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,308
You did the right thing
hiding and crying.

99
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,519
Yeah. We'd rather have a live
sissy mincing around the house

100
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,688
than some
dead hero any day.

101
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,065
Choke on your candor!

102
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,363
You can strangle Bart, but you
can't strangle your humiliation.

103
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,531
It's a deal!

104
00:08:56,578 --> 00:09:01,874
Hey, Simpson, I heard your dad's afraid
of a little, old, giant grizzly bear.

105
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:05,711
The only thing my dad's afraid
of is paying child support.

106
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,256
My dad once beat up
six employees at KFC.

107
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,966
And he'd been up
for three days.

108
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,471
Homer Simpson, report to
Mr. Burns' office immediately.

109
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,483
What a delightful
practically-based joke.

110
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:35,449
Hello? Anyone home?

111
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,494
Marge? Maggie?

112
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,174
Oh, Goldilocks.

113
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,469
And the three bears!

114
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:03,185
Oh, God,
they're in our food!

115
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,354
Teddy Grahams,
Gummi Bears!

116
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,031
Are you a Care Bear?

117
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,450
I'm an lntensive Care Bear.

118
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,703
Why does a bear
need a crowbar?

119
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,789
I don't like to
get my hands dirty.

120
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:33,382
Crying in the corner, huh?
Mind if I join ya?

121
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,384
No, go ahead.

122
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,850
All right, that's
enough, Fraidy Sue!

123
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,226
Here's what
you gotta do.

124
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,563
Find that bear that whupped
ya and whup him back!

125
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,565
Can I fight
human-style

126
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:54,445
by slowly poisoning his environment
until he loses his fur and becomes sterile?

127
00:10:54,571 --> 00:11:00,617
You cowardly Swede! You face that bear like
a man or I'll never speak to you again!

128
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:04,371
But how will I find out what
you had for lunch in 1928?

129
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,873
I have a web site!

130
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:10,794
Welcome to my home page.
Why don't you visit more often?

131
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:18,969
Mr. Simpson, if you want to find
that bear that attacked you, use this.

132
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,765
It tracks an electronic tag
I stuck in the bear's ear.

133
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:26,310
It's the same technology they
use to keep tabs on Gary Busey.

134
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:30,189
Finally, science has
joined forces with revenge.

135
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:31,982
Now listen.

136
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:36,028
The bull grizzly is seven feet tall,
weighs more than a Mazda Miata

137
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:40,199
and can tear through a tree like a
Jewish mother through self-esteem.

138
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:44,620
Next time you face him, you better
have some way to protect yourself.

139
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:52,211
It's the eye of the tiger
it's the thrill of the fight.

140
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:57,549
Risin' up to the challenge
of our rival And the...

141
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,967
Lookin' good.

142
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:02,971
And I did it all without wasting money
on one of those stupid welder's masks.

143
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:09,353
Behold the ultimate
in anti-bear technology!

144
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,438
The Bear Buster 5000!

145
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,607
Available wherever
fat men dream.

146
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,825
Oh, dear Lord.

147
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:28,038
Check it out, ladies. A suit that makes
me completely invulnerable to bear attacks.

148
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,708
Homer, there's no
rear on that thing.

149
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:34,878
I know. Lf I get really scared,
I don't want to ruin the suit.

150
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:38,424
Now look here, mister. I
forbid you to fight a bear.

151
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:42,010
What kind of an example would I
be if I didn't take revenge on things?

152
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,555
Dad, you can't take
revenge on an animal.

153
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,348
That's the whole
point of Moby Dick.

154
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,602
Lisa, the point of
Moby Dick is be yourself.

155
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,397
You're not going
and that's final.

156
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:59,027
Fine! But do you know how
ridiculous you look right now?

157
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:08,871
Marge,
are you awake? Marge?

158
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,391
Marge is sure gonna be steamed
when she finds you missing.

159
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,476
Or dead.

160
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:34,605
Gentlemen, sometimes a man
must put his marriage at risk

161
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,774
for reasons that are
confusing even to him.

162
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:42,279
You're sneaking out to fight
that bear. I want to go, too!

163
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,949
No way! Lf something happens to me,
you have to carry on the Simpson name.

164
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,703
Screw that. When I grow up, I'm
legally changing my name to Joe Kickass!

165
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,372
That is so cool!
All right, you can come.

166
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:55,751
Lisa, I think your
father just left!

167
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,420
And Bart's
missing, too!

168
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:02,382
I've got a bad feeling about
this. Let's check the suit closet.

169
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,594
Zoot suit, astronaut
outfit, southern belle,

170
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,388
Renaissance dandy,
country-western octopus...

171
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:10,891
lt's gone!

172
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:15,103
That man and his foolish
pride. We've gotta go follow him.

173
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,358
I just wanted to see
what it was like.

174
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,692
Howdy, y'all.

175
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:24,279
If you don't like my song,
I'll spray you with ink!

176
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,662
I never realized
how hot this suit is.

177
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,622
I'm sweating out
all my bloodlust.

178
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,415
Why don't you take
a bath in the river?

179
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,793
This bear tracker stopped
beeping a half hour ago.

180
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,378
Sweet!

181
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,551
Hey, the batteries are
missing from this thing.

182
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,803
Yeah. We borrowed
'em for the radio.

183
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:53,141
Skyrockets in flight,
afternoon delight.

184
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,353
Rub-a-dub-dub,
I'm washing the flub.

185
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:04,361
Oh, my God!
Lenny! Carl! Bart!

186
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,196
Rubbing sticks
and stones together.

187
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:07,906
Makes the sparks ignite.

188
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:11,451
And the thought of loving
you is getting so exciting.

189
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,536
Skyrockets in flight.

190
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,797
Mr. Connor, thank you for
helping find my husband.

191
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,966
I don't want my last
words to him to be,

192
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,677
"Clip your toenails,
they look like Fritos."

193
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,305
Mom! Mom!
Stop the car!

194
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,558
Dad went to take a bath,
and the bear carried him off!

195
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,226
Yeah. Lt almost
wrecked the whole trip.

196
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:40,606
Ma'am, I will find your husband
before that bear kills him.

197
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,065
But first, a snack.

198
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:56,622
I guess this is it. Lf I'm gonna
die, I'm gonna die a man.

199
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,921
Is this thing
hurting you?

200
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,896
Okay, it's probably the tag.

201
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,023
But just to be sure.

202
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:37,329
Hey, you're not mean. Lt was just
this tag that made you go ape-scat.

203
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,956
We're not so different.
Gimme a hug!

204
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,925
Jeez, I don't know why bear
hugs enjoy such a great reputation.

205
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,472
I guess that's so,
we don't have a lot.

206
00:16:55,556 --> 00:17:00,602
But at least I'm sure
of all the things we got.

207
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,021
Babe.

208
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:09,778
I got you babe,
I got you babe.

209
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,530
Funny.

210
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,704
Oh, no. The hunter
has become the hunter.

211
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,206
He must be following
this thing.

212
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,793
Well, I'm gonna make sure it
never harms another living creature!

213
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,136
A killer bear is on the
loose in Springfield Forest.

214
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:38,014
And local laughingstock Homer
Simpson is missing and presumed mauled.

215
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,810
Wrong again,
liberal media.

216
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:47,107
A bounty has been placed on the
rogue bear in the amount of $10,000.

217
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,484
Don't worry. I'll find
you someplace safe.

218
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,158
The bear is no longer
wearing his tracking device.

219
00:17:56,325 --> 00:18:00,287
And it looks like he's headed
toward that wildlife sanctuary.

220
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,330
Is there any sign
of my husband?

221
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,460
Hmm. Your husband appears
to be traveling with the bear.

222
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:10,672
Either as hostage or as
what we call a "forest bride."

223
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,177
Okay. You want
to go over there.

224
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:23,560
Hold on. Something
doesn't feel right.

225
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:34,654
Wait, stop. I know bullets can be
scary sometimes. But I have an idea.

226
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,657
First, we pull off
all your fur.

227
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,703
All right, all right!
I'm still thinking.

228
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,874
They're looking for
a male bear, right?

229
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,462
It's so easy to condemn,
so hard to create.

230
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:55,884
Okay, boys. That bear's gonna make a
dash for freedom, unless we take him down.

231
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:59,137
Yeah. All the way down.

232
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,307
What you said didn't
really add much.

233
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,894
I know. I just
wanted to belong.

234
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,023
Well, we all feel
that way sometimes.

235
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,906
It's Homer!
Don't shoot!

236
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,577
Go! Go!

237
00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:27,791
It's that bear! Aim for
the holes in the colander!

238
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:38,510
He made it! He's finally
protected from man.

239
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,096
Yeah. But now he's being
attacked by an elephant!

240
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,395
Well, I'm proud
of you, Homie.

241
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,564
You set out to
fight an animal,

242
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:53,066
and you ended up
saving its life.

243
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,069
What can I say?
I love nature.

244
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,490
Circle of life.

245
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:54,669
English - US - PSDH