1
00:00:03,087 --> 00:00:06,422
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,990
This is Kent Brockman,

3
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live at Springfield's most
beloved tourist attraction,

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the man-shaped mountain crag
known as Geezer Rock.

5
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Carved by
centuries of wind and rain,

6
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Geezer Rock will soon be
more than just a place for teens

7
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,380
to have sex
and commit suicide.

8
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Why did they cancel Futurama?

9
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:58,683
You crushed my boyfriend!
You better be good at making out!

10
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Today, Geezer Rock will be officially
designated a national landmark.

11
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What's the big deal about a
rock that looks like a dude?

12
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I've got a dad that
looks like a monkey.

13
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Bart, you promised you'd
stop making that comparison!

14
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Per our agreement!

15
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Knock-kneed home renters.

16
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Can't we thin this herd with
some smallpox-infected blankets?

17
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We're already immune,
you jerk!

18
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Gee, I never
noticed that before.

19
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He's got a tree in his eye.

20
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If that tree gets too big, it'll
ruin the beauty of that rock!

21
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We'll lose tourists!

22
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And then, who will
buy my roadside corn?

23
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You don't sell
roadside corn.

24
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There's a lot you don't
know about me, Marge.

25
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A lot that would shock you.

26
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Ride a painted pony
Let the spinnin' wheel spin.

27
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Thank you, Blood and Tears.
Sorry to hear about Sweat.

28
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Now, before the
Undersecretary of the lnterior

29
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declares Geezer Rock
a national landmark,

30
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we shall hear a poem written
by honor student, Lisa Simpson.

31
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Thank you.

32
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Geezer Rock,
An Appreciation in Verse.

33
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Now, to do something
I've never done before.

34
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Help out an old man.

35
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"Postcard image,
thing to see..."

36
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Gotta go, sweetie!

37
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But I didn't read my poem!

38
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Here's a poem.
Run fast or lose your ass!

39
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Mr. Burns?

40
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Mr. Burns is gone.

41
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And tonight was the night I
was gonna show him my tattoo.

42
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I can't believe that
historic rock is gone.

43
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My poem has become an elegy.

44
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An elegy no one
will ever hear.

45
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Well, at least
some good came out of today.

46
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Bart, you're grounded
for a year!

47
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I'll just pay the fine.

48
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Okay. Three bucks.

49
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,327
Why don't you
publish your poem?

50
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Publish it myself?

51
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Why not?

52
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I could put out a whole
newspaper dedicated to the rock!

53
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I'd be a publisher,
just like Katharine Graham!

54
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Or that lady who wheels
Larry Flynt around.

55
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Mr. Burns, perhaps it's best
you were snatched away

56
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before time could
diminish your beauty.

57
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Stop your wailing, Waylon!
I'm alive!

58
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That stays in.

59
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,942
Sir, you're alive! But how?

60
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Because of my svelte physique, I
was able to fit in a narrow air pocket.

61
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I survived on whatever
sustenance came my way.

62
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Thankfully, a mother mole
nursed me as her own

63
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until I was strong
enough to continue.

64
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Now, let's see how
the common folk

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are grieving for
their fallen god, me.

66
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And so,
a day after the tragedy,

67
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the town still mourns the
loss of its venerable old man.

68
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Here it comes.

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Beloved by children.

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Yes, the little ones.

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Thought to be
thousands of years old...

72
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I have been 89
for a while now.

73
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We'll miss you, Geezer Rock.

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Quickly, Smithers,
re-hydrate me.

75
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But one old man
we certainly don't miss

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is the late
C. Montgomery Burns.

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As owner of the Springfield
Nuclear Power Plant,

78
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he generated both
electricity and contempt.

79
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Thank you, Geezer Rock, for doing
what none of us had the courage to do,

80
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smush Mr. Burns.

81
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This town cared more for a
soulless piece of granite than for me.

82
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I don't have
a friend in the world.

83
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You have me, sir.

84
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Don't be so needy!

85
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Well, I'm going to change this
town's accurate impression of me.

86
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Sir, you could improve your
image with various good deeds.

87
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Don't I already give out
turkey slices to the poor?

88
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You eliminated that program
in the '30s, sir.

89
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They were getting
too grabby!

90
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Oh, all right.

91
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I know how to change the way
the public thinks of me.

92
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I'll buy every
media outlet in town!

93
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Bring me a checkbook
and a mother mole!

94
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I really got
hooked on this stuff.

95
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Thanks for helping me deliver the first
edition of The Red Dress Press, Dad.

96
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I'm always happy
to help you, sweetie.

97
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Extree! Extree!

98
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Man driving erratically
throws papers out window!

99
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"Elegy for Geezer Rock.

100
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"Postcard image,
thing to see,

101
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"to think of Springfield
is to think of thee.

102
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"What thoughts
be-pass a'hind thy mien?

103
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"Why sky art blue,
why trees art green?

104
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"And what, pray tell,
did thine eyes see?

105
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"Perchance, old friend,
they gazed at me.

106
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"Brought low by
nature's oafish hand,

107
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"thou crush-ed
our reviewing stand

108
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"and twixt thy stones
glimpsed I the truth.

109
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"AII things must pass,
thy face, my youth."

110
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Oh, wow.

111
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I haven't cried like this
since the third Mr. Teeny died.

112
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You couldn't hold
a candle to him.

113
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Neither could you!

114
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You're okay,
you got me broads.

115
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,515
Oh, this is one
dilly of a daily, Lisa.

116
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Can't wait for tomorrow's.

117
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"Tomorrow's"?

118
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I hadn't thought
about publishing more.

119
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You better. I've already
sold a bunch of subscriptions.

120
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How do you think I
got these swell prizes?

121
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,806
All right, Nelson, what kind of
journalism skills do you have?

122
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I don't know.
Making nerds cry?

123
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Perfect. You're our TV
critic. Ralph, what about you?

124
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I want to be a fire truck.

125
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How about
a feature columnist?

126
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Yeah,
I'm a feature columnist!

127
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Good day.

128
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Hello.

129
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Great glayvin's ghost!
He's alive!

130
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Yes, that's right. I pulled
a Jesus. Have a nickel.

131
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Burns is alive? Then whose
skull am I drinking beer out of?

132
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Boy, I can't wait to
dance on his grave!

133
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Mmm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.

134
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Whose grave?

135
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,614
Uh, the unknown soldier?

136
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Carry on.

137
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,833
Okay, it's time to win the
love of these hateful morons.

138
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:24,420
Step one,
amass a vast media empire.

139
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The station's not
for sale, Burns.

140
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It's been in the same family
for generations.

141
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Look, I assure you,
no sack of money

142
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,308
is big enough to
change my mind.

143
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,392
Now, if...

144
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There's more to life
than being rich, you know?

145
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Very tempting, but I
assure you, I'm still not sold.

146
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,527
Want to split
an ice cream sundae?

147
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Done and done!

148
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,746
Check it out.
Principal Skinrash.

149
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,956
Nice work, Bart,
but give him a runny nose.

150
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,417
I want the readers to gag
on their morning cup of joe.

151
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,377
Snot a problem, chief.
Don't call me chief.

152
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,046
Sure thing, jerk.
Chief is fine.

153
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,798
You're on the Morning Zoo
with Bill and Marty!

154
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,301
What's your Wednesday whine?

155
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,553
Well, first of all,
I agree with you two,

156
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it's sheer humbuggery
that pretty girls

157
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,849
can flirt their way
out of speeding tickets.

158
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,060
No support for
the naughty hotties!

159
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,939
Secondly, I want you to
pack up and get out.

160
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I just bought this station,
and you're fired.

161
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And play that delightful
flush sound on your way out.

162
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,071
Yes, sir.

163
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,493
Indoor plumbing. The
lack of it killed my mother.

164
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,372
I've done it, Smithers!

165
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:44,250
I've bought every
media outlet in town.

166
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TV, radio,
even the skywriters.

167
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,590
Cletus, what does that say?

168
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:55,302
That? That says,
"I loves you, Brandine."

169
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,515
Oh, Cletus. Tonight, you
can knock me up again.

170
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,228
Excellent. But put a little
more apple in my cheek.

171
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,105
It's apple-ing now, sir.

172
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,691
Splendid!

173
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:12,111
Now, let's see how I'm faring
on the jumping box.

174
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:13,654
You mean
the television, sir?

175
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,366
Television, jumping box,
picto-cube, just crank it up!

176
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:19,994
In tonight's face-off,

177
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,747
I will be debating Channel
6 movie ghoulie Booberella

178
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,542
on the subject of our new
boss, C. Montgomery Burns.

179
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,920
My view, he's a great leader
and a gallant American.

180
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,340
He's got a heart
as big as my boobs!

181
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,719
I guess we'II have to agree
to agree on this one.

182
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,637
Boobs!

183
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,806
Smithers, do you know
Bill from Accounting?

184
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,391
That's his daughter.

185
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:55,904
Let me show you why you
and all protesters are wrong.

186
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:56,989
AII right.

187
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,745
Nuclear power helps
heat that orphanage

188
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,247
and keeps that
hospital humming.

189
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:11,003
But what about wind power?
It's cheap and safe.

190
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,087
Is it?

191
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,385
Remember, children,
nuclear power is your friend,

192
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,387
and so is Monty Burns.

193
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,015
Don't end up like me.
Vote Republican.

194
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:26,602
God bless America. This
cartoon was made in Korea.

195
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,562
Burns owns everything!

196
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,273
I've got to speak out
before it's too late!

197
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,653
"Dear readers,
you hold in your hands

198
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:40,532
"the last paper not controlled
by the Burns Media empire.

199
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,700
"We are not afraid to say.

200
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:45,579
"Montgomery Burns is a
monopolistic, self-aggrandizing

201
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,123
"stinky pants."

202
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,626
Hmm. Maybe Burns
ain't so great.

203
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,420
This little girl has
given us a lot to mull.

204
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:57,049
Hey, you mugs,
thinking ain't drinking!

205
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,884
Hey! Ow! Okay.

206
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,638
Bring that girl to me.

207
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,309
I'm sorry, Mr. Burns,
but my paper is not for sale.

208
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,561
Maybe a little gift
will change your mind.

209
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,399
Send in Sugarbell.

210
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,531
She's very pretty.

211
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,324
But the answer is still no.

212
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,493
Honeysuckle, Dewdrop.

213
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,169
Oh, no!

214
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:43,095
They're so beautiful. And their
breath smells like peppermint.

215
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,140
No! No! I won't
take your blood ponies!

216
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,225
Go on, sweeties. Go on.

217
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,476
Shoo.

218
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,940
Very well.
You had your chance.

219
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,277
I am going to shred you like a
Christmas card! Now get out!

220
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,488
I can't! My mom's not
picking me up for an hour!

221
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:10,622
So, what do you think of
today's popular music scene?

222
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:14,209
I think it distracts people from
more important social issues.

223
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,670
My God, are you always on?

224
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,018
Stupid women drivers!

225
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,358
Stupid women
helicopter pilots!

226
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,575
Everyone okay?

227
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:53,540
You can't leave now.

228
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,959
We're the only thing
stopping Mr. Burns!

229
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,586
Sorry, Lisa.

230
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:02,049
And by the way, that story I filed
from Baghdad was all made up.

231
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,343
I was actually in Basra.

232
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:09,431
Everyone chickened out.
Except Ralph.

233
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,433
He got poached by
the Chicago Tribune.

234
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,896
I guess we're down
to just me.

235
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,274
Take the sob sister act somewhere
else. You're standing in my light.

236
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,152
Bart, you're staying!

237
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,780
Lise, I've learned
a valuable lesson here,

238
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,991
the pen is mightier
than the flaming bag of poop.

239
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,327
Oh, it's beautiful!

240
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,165
This is an outrage!

241
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:38,544
Since when are public
figures fair game for satire?

242
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,379
Your goons did run
her off the road, sir.

243
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:44,716
I can't be held responsible for
what my goons were ordered to do!

244
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,469
Perhaps there's a non-violent
way to silence this girl?

245
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,055
Non-violence
never solved anything.

246
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,435
Fine, curtsy boy.
I'll try it your way.

247
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,650
What the...

248
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,486
Dad, Mr. Burns cut our power!

249
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,905
Now, I can't print my paper!

250
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,866
These batteries have to power
everything in our house!

251
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,162
Yo, I'II tell you what I want
what I really, really want.

252
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,290
What I want, what I want
I'II tell you what I want

253
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,583
I want...

254
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:20,711
That was totally worth it.

255
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,255
Stupid Burns!

256
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:26,508
Cuts off my power,
lowers my credit rating.

257
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,136
Lisa, I think I can help you.

258
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,972
You're not mad about
Principal Skinrash?

259
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:36,685
Are you kidding? I love it! I
once had a principal like that!

260
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,811
Now, come with me.

261
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:39,813
What's that?

262
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,482
This, young lady,
is a mimeo machine.

263
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:46,820
A hand-operated duplicating
device. No electricity needed.

264
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,869
That smell takes me back.

265
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:17,601
Finally in 1992, I was
reunited with that chair.

266
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,686
It wasn't quite the same.

267
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:28,236
Good God. I'm at war
with a little girl.

268
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,364
And I'm losing!

269
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,741
Smithers, this calls
for the League of Evil!

270
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:44,086
My league! My beautiful
league! All dead.

271
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,921
Even monsters
need air, sir.

272
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,382
Blast!
Well, gather their watches.

273
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:52,511
I must find another way
to vanquish the girl.

274
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,305
So, has your
daughter always been

275
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,349
such a righteous
little rabble-rouser?

276
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,936
Oh, yeah. She's always
trying to improve mankind.

277
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,397
Fascinating! Do go on.

278
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:06,983
Wait a minute. Are you
trying to get dirt on Lisa?

279
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:11,029
Oh, you saw right through me.
Well done.

280
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,906
Have some
congratulatory drugs.

281
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,118
Well, if that's your custom.

282
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:23,917
Now, tell me more about your
daughter. And speak into the lamp.

283
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,544
Okay.

284
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,296
Well, she's into Buddhism,
whistle-blowing,

285
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,716
totally against pollution,
no matter what I say.

286
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:33,844
Liberal wacko, eh?
Any young beaux?

287
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,055
Well, that loser Milhouse
has always had a thing for her.

288
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,808
Don't you love it when nerds
don't know they're nerds?

289
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,143
Yes.

290
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:44,938
There's nothing more pathetic
than self-delusion, eh?

291
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,110
Hello, Beefcake Charlie.

292
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,240
Dad, how could you
say these things?

293
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:58,952
I'm so sorry, honey. I said
good things about you, too.

294
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,954
Check out
the Lifestyle section.

295
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,623
"Plastic Pearls
Make the Girl."

296
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,710
Well, at least there's nothing
else Burns can do to me.

297
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,010
No!

298
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,387
Way to go, Moon Milhouse!

299
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:22,267
It's as easy as crushing
an ant. You know the...

300
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,023
Whoa!

301
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,360
Take my wallet
and leave me alone!

302
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,575
It's not fair.

303
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,291
I can't stand seeing
one of my children like this.

304
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,382
Oh, I can still hear her!
I better do something!

305
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:58,428
Look at you go!
Typety-type-type-type!

306
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:01,389
Marge, I'm pulling an
all-nighter for my little girl!

307
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,434
Put on a pot of coffee, drink
it and start making burgers!

308
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,562
Some anniversary this is.

309
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:14,486
"The Homer Times"?

310
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,905
"AII my daughter ever did

311
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,824
"was tell people to
think for themselves.

312
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,910
"I may be her father,
but when I grow up,

313
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,914
"I want to be just like her,
except still a dude!"

314
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,085
Oh, Dad, this is so sweet.

315
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,504
But I've learned
one little paper

316
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,589
can't make
a difference in this world.

317
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,677
"The Barney Bugle"?

318
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,887
Lisa, you've made me realize

319
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:43,807
the importance of
free and independent media.

320
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,892
So I printed my own paper!

321
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,062
Although, it's mostly culled
from wire services.

322
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,774
Hey, who wants a copy of
The Lenny Saver?

323
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,401
You have a newspaper, too?

324
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,529
Well, I was reading in The Homer
Times about what you did for us.

325
00:19:57,613 --> 00:20:00,866
And I got to thinking maybe I
should start asking my own questions.

326
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:03,368
You know, find out
the truth about things.

327
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,414
It had to be told.

328
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,541
Check out
The Willie World News.

329
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:13,003
I reviewed the new tractors.
They're all shite!

330
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:17,048
See, Lisa? Instead of one big
shot controlling all the media,

331
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:21,636
now there's a thousand freaks
xeroxing their worthless opinions.

332
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,471
I couldn't be prouder.

333
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,850
Are you a Patty or a Selma?
Take our quiz.

334
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,686
Well, blow me down.
I'm a Selma.

335
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,940
Well, I guess it's impossible
to control all the media.

336
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:37,861
Unless of course you're Rupert
Murdoch. He is one beautiful man.

337
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,821
I couldn't agree more.

338
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:45,869
Smithers, I'm a proud fellow, and
it's not easy for me to admit defeat.

339
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:48,538
But I know just the thing
to make me feel better.

340
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:49,623
Shopping.

341
00:21:58,609 --> 00:21:59,609
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