1 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,363 The Simpsons. 2 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,802 We now return to "Blacula Meets Black Dracula." 3 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,249 I'm turning this disco into a hockey rink. 4 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,004 You mean a honky rink. 5 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,682 You know, Black Dracula is now a Congressman from Virginia. 6 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,885 Bart, where did you get those? 7 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,570 There's an open house next door. 8 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,041 They're giving out cookies and business cards. 9 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,288 Check it out. I'm a business jerk. 10 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:03,890 Marge, I don't want to buy this house. 11 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,691 I'd have to live next door to myself. 12 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:10,601 Turn that down. 13 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,846 Screw you. 14 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,089 Relax. We're just looky-loos. 15 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,243 We're only here to compare our lifestyle to our neighbors'. 16 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,408 Come on, Marge. It's not fair to 17 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,608 compare us to an American household. 18 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,925 It's so beautiful and modern. 19 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,967 A sub-zero fridge. 20 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,367 A slightly colder fridge? 21 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,649 In my lifetime? Amazing. 22 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,850 This is the kitchen I've always wanted. 23 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,807 A bread-maker maker. 24 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,521 And check this out. A walk-in microwave. 25 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,050 Hey, Marge, can you press "stop" when my popcorn's done? 26 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,043 Homie, when I married you, I knew we wouldn't live in luxury. 27 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,884 And I kept that vow. 28 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:20,240 But seeing that kitchen today made me wish we had something 29 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,209 a little better for ourselves. 30 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,328 I'll build you a new kitchen, sweetie. 31 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,324 Oh, Homie, that's so thoughtful. 32 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,449 But maybe we should hire a professional contractor. 33 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,366 A contractor? Those guys are the biggest crooks around. 34 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:39,002 They charge for materials and labor. Pick one, jerks. 35 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,251 Man, that hurt. 36 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,601 Now to do the exact same thing again. 37 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,808 Maybe you should turn off the power. 38 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,291 All right. 39 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,605 Don't demolish along the way. 40 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,285 Fine. 41 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,570 Easy. Easy. 42 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,609 Playdude magazines? 43 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,047 Have you been hiding bosom rags from me? 44 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,360 Trying to. 45 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,964 These magazines are from before we were married. 46 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,451 Maybe you should throw them away. 47 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,965 But I need them for the articles. 48 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,247 Mmm. The articles, eh? 49 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:34,010 So, you wouldn't mind if I cut out all the erotic nudes? 50 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,730 Of course not. 51 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,407 Why would I want to look at a nude woman I'm not even married to? 52 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,484 I mean, I wouldn't even know how she could improve me. 53 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,724 "I'm not wearing any clothes, 54 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,566 "so why don't I just splay myself on a pool table?" 55 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,122 Steady. Steady. 56 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,161 Okay, here's your precious articles. 57 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,369 Thanks, Marge. I can't wait to read about... 58 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,081 "Sport Fishing With Sonny Jurgensen." 59 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,328 What man would want you now? 60 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,689 Whoa! Playdudes! 61 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,491 Let the blossoming of Milhouse begin. 62 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,285 I gotta be honest. I don't see what all the hubbub is about. 63 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,966 Hey. The lady in this picture is hot. 64 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,289 She can calamine my hives anytime. 65 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,442 That's Congresswoman Bella Abzug. 66 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,363 Ciao, Bella. 67 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,171 The grownups in this magazine are pretty cool. 68 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,081 I could make the tree house look like this. 69 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,367 Then we could have orgies, whatever they are. 70 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,128 We'll be Playdude Playmates. 71 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,248 We are Playdude Playmates. 72 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,721 We are Playdude Playmates. 73 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:51,446 There it is, nice and smooth. 74 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,403 I'd like to see your boyfriend, 75 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,483 the contractor, do a better job. 76 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,086 I think you used too much plaster. 77 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,125 Now you tell me. 78 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,651 I never stopped telling you. 79 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,644 So, that's what that white noise was. 80 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,564 I'm calling a contractor. 81 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,164 Thanks for taking the job. 82 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,244 I'm sorry my husband is being so difficult. 83 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:16,927 Get lost, crook. 84 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,525 That's all right, Mrs. Simpson. 85 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,604 Many husbands feel emasculated when their wife must turn 86 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,843 to a professional to satisfy her remodeling needs. 87 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,285 Why don't you just kiss her? 88 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,084 I'm gay. But I have a subcontractor 89 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,924 that does that sort of thing for me. 90 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,367 I like to kiss. 91 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,530 Now, don't you worry. Your kitchen will be done in three weeks. 92 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,686 When Virginia Woolf wrote, "Every woman needs a room of one's own,". 93 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,650 She must have been talking about the kitchen. 94 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,736 What's the first thing you're gonna make in your new kitchen? 95 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,205 How about cooking up some money 96 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:55,410 because this stupid kitchen cost $100,000. 97 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,482 I was thinking of chicken wings. 98 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,891 Those are good, too. 99 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:04,806 Same old stuff. 100 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:09,562 Meatloaf, casserole, tuna loaf, loaferole, cassaloaf... 101 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:14,047 Marge Simpson's Wasabi Buffalo Wings? 102 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:18,011 Ooh. An Eastern twist on a Western New York favorite. 103 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,809 These wings are going straight to my thighs and I say bon voyage. 104 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,440 What do you think, Thomas Pynchon? 105 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,244 These wings are V-licious. 106 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,688 I'll put this recipe in the Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook 107 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,207 right next to the Frying of Latke 49. 108 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,122 I agree with my fellow Cornell alumnus. 109 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,531 Huzzah for Marge. 110 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,005 Huzzah. 111 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,921 And how about a huzzah for my husband who paid for our new kitchen? 112 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,161 Never. 113 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,610 Marge, you know, I thought I was Springfield's wing-ding king. 114 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,365 But you make my chicken look like cock-a-diddily doo doo. 115 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,051 Great stuff, Ned. 116 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,640 You know, I was gonna enter this here Ovenfresh Bakeoff. 117 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,889 But up against you, I wouldn't have a Hindu's chance in heaven. 118 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,242 If you win, Ovenfresh Industries 119 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,164 will make you the new face of Auntie Ovenfresh. 120 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,123 Come on, Marge. It's either you or... 121 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,602 I guess it would be a hoot to have my face on everything. 122 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,200 Oh, Mrs. Simpson, you must pursue your dreams, 123 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,081 like my old dream of coming to America and starting a family. 124 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,521 Or my new dream of ditching my family 125 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,001 and sneaking back to India in disguise. 126 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,762 Apu? Never heard of him. 127 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,729 My name is Steve Barnes. 128 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,730 So, when do they start singing? 129 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,165 Well, the Playdude Advisor says 130 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,685 this music will get a stewardess 131 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,125 to give you a layover. 132 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,642 I hope it's in Omaha. My grammy lives there. 133 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,166 Bart, can you come in here for a second? 134 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,010 Your mother is about to show us her new recipe. 135 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,209 Outta sight. Lay it on me, Mama. 136 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,850 In the Ovenfresh Bakeoff, 137 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,969 clever presentation is as important as taste. 138 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,249 So, I'm entering my dessert dogs. 139 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,962 It's deep-fried cookie dough with meringue buns, 140 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,601 cherry ketchup, and caramel mustard. 141 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,204 It's dessert but it's hot dogs, so it's good for you. 142 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:33,444 Marge, I don't want to freak you out, but I think I love you. 143 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,768 Oh, I hope the Ovenfresh Bakeoff likes them as much as you do. 144 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,247 Mom, a letter from Ovenfresh Industries. 145 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,290 Well, open it. Open it. Open it. 146 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,203 "Thank you for applying to the Ovenfresh Bakeoff. 147 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,966 "Every year many wonderful cooks fail to qualify. 148 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,090 "But screw them, you're in. Congratulations." 149 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,565 Oh, my God. 150 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,531 Someone somewhere says I'm better than someone else. 151 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,728 I'm proud of you, honey. 152 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:18,161 Sorry, Ralphie. The bakeoff rejected your recipe. 153 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,645 I want to be in the bakeoff. 154 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,171 There, there. 155 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,289 I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious. 156 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,442 You only had a pretend bite. 157 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,443 No. I'm eating it, look. 158 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,044 Can you taste the thumbtacks? 159 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,810 Aw, crap. 160 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,965 I'm here live at the annual Ovenfresh Bakeoff 161 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,849 brought to you by the Ovenfresh Flour 162 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,769 family of products. Including... 163 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,162 Quetzalcoatl's choice, the favorite 164 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,328 from Zihuatanejo to Popocatépetl. 165 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,363 Bart looks different today. 166 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:09,562 Aw, Nelson, your debonair wit reminds me of a young Mort Sahl. 167 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,406 Guh? Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers. 168 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,563 I'm throwing a little sip 'n' quip at the Playdude Tree House. 169 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:20,481 Saturday night at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square. 170 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,721 I want to be a triangle. 171 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,001 You're not invited. 172 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,246 It's gonna be weird cooking without your tipsy father 173 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,403 grabbing me from behind. But I think I'm up to it. 174 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,608 Welcome to the Ovenfresh Bakeoff. 175 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:40,049 I'm Billy Bouillon Cube. Follow me to your oven station. 176 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,690 Why thank you, Billy. 177 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,569 Don't look at my human eyes. 178 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,644 Oh, don't mind Billy. 179 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,007 His oven light's on but nothing's cooking. 180 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,528 So, what you making, Marge? 181 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,410 Well, Stuart, I'm making a dessert 182 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,370 that looks like a hotdog but it isn't. 183 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,920 You're making a tasty fake? 184 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,128 That is so '90s. 185 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,806 Why don't we all move to Seattle and use slow modems? 186 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,401 Yo, Marge. Your recipe, she is pathetic. 187 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,005 She is not. 188 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,168 Great licks, man. Great licks. 189 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,570 Yo, Bart. There's no room left in the grotto. 190 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,525 Who's that adult? 191 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,126 Hey, it wouldn't be a Playdude party without James Caan. 192 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,801 So, I'm trying to talk with Miss November 193 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,491 and Charlie Callas over here is blocking my action with... 194 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,123 Turns out he's choking on a peanut. 195 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,282 Well, punch to the gut cleared that right up. 196 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,962 Hey, Bart. Me and Mrs. Krabappel, 197 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,970 we're gonna go play some backgammon, if you know what I mean. 198 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,320 I don't. But I hope you win. 199 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,811 Oh, he's gonna win. 200 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,611 Some guys like a challenge, not me. 201 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,848 Ladies and gentlemen. Before we begin, 202 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:03,642 let us introduce Auntie Ovenfresh 1954. 203 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:08,328 Ribbons and trophies are no comfort on your deathbed. 204 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,563 Auntie Ovenfresh. 205 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,371 And now, chefs. Start your kitchens. 206 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,486 Fish scales? 207 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,128 Stop. You're tainting my entry. 208 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,810 Oh, I'm so sorry. 209 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:32,681 It was, how you say, done with malice aforethought, yes? 210 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,006 You did it on purpose? 211 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,326 No, no, no, no, no, no. 212 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,249 My English, she's not so good. 213 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:42,002 I was, how you say, ruining your food so I win, yes? 214 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,126 Why is everyone at this bakeoff such a meanie-bo-beanie? 215 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,202 These muffin-huffin' batter biddies 216 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,288 can smell weakness a mile away. 217 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,811 Weakness named Marge. 218 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,731 Why can't everyone just play fair and... 219 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,690 Did you just dunk your hair in my mixing bowl? 220 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,489 You're weak. Weak. 221 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,407 Listen here, Simpson. 222 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,563 Your son has been exposing our kids to adult themes, 223 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:11,730 unabashed dictionaries and the lesser short fiction of John Cheever. 224 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,207 Adult themes? What are you talking about? 225 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,170 My Roddy told a joke about an octopus and a set of bagpipes. 226 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,766 And the punch line implied that they fornicated. 227 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,410 Ralphie wants to go on the pill. 228 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,801 Stupid Bart. 229 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,561 Bagpipes getting down with an octopus, that's classic. 230 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,882 Hot bananas coming through. Oops. 231 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:32,566 My dessert. 232 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:40,401 Come on, Mom. 233 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,881 You still have 20 minutes left. You can fix it. 234 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,450 You're right. If I can feed a family of five 235 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,404 on $12 a week, I can do anything. 236 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,842 You feed us on $12 a week? 237 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,446 I stretch your father's meatloaf with sawdust. 238 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,608 Attention, contestants. Baking time is over. 239 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,961 The judging will commence in one hour. 240 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,644 If your dish is not in the judging room 241 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,200 by the time this metal door hits the ground, 242 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,850 your entry will not be official 243 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,530 and will be eaten by the janitor. 244 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:15,806 Hurry, Mom. 245 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,363 Oh! I guess I was the last one. 246 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,360 Damn it. 247 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,646 These other dishes look so pretty. 248 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,803 And those cheaters blackened my sugar wieners. 249 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,010 I'd like to give those Betty Crookeds a taste of their own medicine. 250 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,482 Yes, medicine. 251 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,201 Even the Pope couldn't forgive this pizza. 252 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,045 And he's letting a lot of things slide these days. 253 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,563 Don't worry. There's plenty for all of you. 254 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,881 Now who's laughing? Huh? 255 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,083 Me. I'm laughing. 256 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,527 I can't believe my mom would cheat. 257 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,090 Hi, sweetie. Is Morn winning? 258 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,721 Oh, she'll win the contest, but she'll lose her soul. 259 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,370 But she'll still win the contest? 260 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,010 And lose her soul. 261 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,730 But win the contest? Yes. 262 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,525 Whoo-hoo! If Marge becomes Auntie Ovenfresh, 263 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,047 we'll meet all the food personalities. 264 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,770 Look. It's Mister Cashew, the Koobler Dwarves, 265 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,649 Snip, Krinkle, and Poof. 266 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,201 Twinkle the Kidd, I love you. 267 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,521 Whoa, easy there, partner. 268 00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,571 You killed him. 269 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,961 He was my world. 270 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,409 Blood for cream. 271 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,164 Blood for cream. 272 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,688 Blood for cream. Blood for cream. 273 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,441 It's always difficult to pick two finalists. 274 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,410 But this year it was easy. All the other dishes made us vomit. 275 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,050 Our two remaining dishes are. 276 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,090 Blackened Dessert Dogs by Marge Simpson. 277 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:28,245 And Armadillo à la Road by Brandine and no last name given. 278 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,125 That's an entry? I thought it was garbage. 279 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,528 Just 'cause it was cooked In a garbage can don't make it garbage. 280 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:45,323 "Canned and frozen juices are more popular than ever these days. 281 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,767 "But most bachelors we know would 282 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,161 "prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes." 283 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,367 Bachelors are always squeezing stuff. 284 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,124 Would you excuse us, Milton? 285 00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,725 It's Milhouse. 286 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,644 Yeah, and your father's no house. Now, scram. 287 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,522 Maybe I was a little hard on him. Oh, well. 288 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,648 Bart, I know a father has no right to 289 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,888 pry into the life of his 10-year-old son. 290 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,041 But what's going on up here? 291 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,929 I'm just spreading the Playdude philosophy. 292 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,367 Hi-fi's, Norman Mailer, getting some. 293 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,729 What do you think "some" is? 294 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,246 Toys? 295 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,241 I thought I'd never have to do this, 296 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,761 but it's time to tell you the facts of life. 297 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,646 Do you know what a boob is? 298 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,086 Oh, yeah. 299 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,851 Good. That'll save us some time. Okay. 300 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,720 Why do you think your mother and I sleep in the same bed? 301 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,086 Because we're poor? 302 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,361 Exactly. 303 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,283 And we're poor because we have kids. 304 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,449 And the biological method by which 305 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,046 children are created by a man and a woman is... 306 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,926 Then the man... 307 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,650 Then the woman... 308 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,802 Well, it's better they hear it from me now 309 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,962 than from their parents when they're old enough. 310 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,170 Congratulations, Mom. 311 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,005 You seem to have a prescription for success. 312 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:25,442 What a kind yet oddly ominous thing to say. 313 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,443 Now, I've gotta get ready for the finals. 314 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,682 Don't forget your secret ingredient. 315 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,366 Cheating. 316 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,129 Well, it's not my fault. 317 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,283 Lisa, the people in this bakeoff are stinkers 318 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,728 who pushed me and pushed me like the pushy-wushies they are. 319 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,447 Mom, if I don't have you to look up to, I don't have anyone. 320 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,765 Look, I'll be a winner with feet of clay like Mickey Mantle. 321 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,285 Everyone loves the Mick. 322 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,045 I don't want Mickey Mantle. I want my mom. 323 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,487 Hey, plenty of kids are gonna look up to me 324 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,961 when I'm Auntie whatever it is. 325 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,325 Right now, people just know me as the wife of a guy 326 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,323 who doesn't go to work. 327 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,449 Can't you understand that I need this? 328 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,080 I guess Dad has to be my hero now. 329 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,485 Not if you knew what he's been doing. 330 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,771 Welcome to the final battle of the Ovenfresh Challenge. 331 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,844 Ooh, she's already ahead of me. 332 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,166 Well, I didn't come this far not to cheat. 333 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,921 That's clever and devastating. 334 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,930 Stop the competition. 335 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,362 I don't deserve to win. 336 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,126 I sabotaged all the other entries. 337 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,568 Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. 338 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,210 That's where I'll make my move. 339 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,127 Then I won with my festive Holiday Alco-Hog. 340 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,924 Huh! I thought it was dead. 341 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,406 Thanks, honey, for saving me from myself. 342 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,401 And, Marge, you'll always be the best chef in our house. 343 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,411 BFD. 344 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,164 I've had your scrambled eggs, Homer. 345 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,004 The secret ingredient is whiskey. 346 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,128 Hey, it keeps the kids quiet. 347 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,480 Hey, look. The new Ovenfresh Flour bag. 348 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,569 Ah, that could've been me. 349 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,449 I wish it had've been. 350 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:37,362 Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan. 351 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,003 But don't you worry. I'm gonna fix his wagon. 352 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,524 A tollbooth? I hate these things. 353 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,850 That's it. Next time I fly.