1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,243
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,564
Come on, boy.
Take your pill.

3
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,729
Mom, the dog won't
take his medicine.

4
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,610
It helps if you wrap
it in a slice of cheese.

5
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,401
Woo-hoo!

6
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:12,811
Free cheese!

7
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,450
Homer, that was
for the dog.

8
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:15,965
What happened to us, Marge?

9
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,487
We used to feed each other
cheese and laugh all night.

10
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,449
Then came
the heart attacks.

11
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,290
What's that rumble?

12
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,490
It's a media circus.

13
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,971
Woo-hoo! The circus!

14
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,804
A media circus.

15
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,680
Woo-hoo! I don't know
the difference.

16
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,848
ABC, CBS.

17
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:38,362
Uh-oh. The Christian Science
Monitor has a flat tire.

18
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,369
I'll get the spare.

19
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,329
No. We must wait
for God to jack us.

20
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:43,931
In Springfield today,

21
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,850
a sex scandal has brought in
reporters from around the world.

22
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,281
Why, here's Fox News.

23
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,728
We are the champions.

24
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,684
My friend.

25
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,487
The cause of all
this commotion is mayor

26
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,961
and suspected illegal
immigrant Joe Quimby,

27
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,886
named today in paternity suits
by 27 different women.

28
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,284
Joe, why won't you
acknowledge our love child?

29
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,402
Er, uh,
that is not my baby.

30
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,965
Er, uh,
Waa...

31
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:18,603
Raise this as your own.

32
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,368
This is the most
exciting scandal

33
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,528
since the Juice
was on the loose!

34
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,086
The Juice is
still on the loose.

35
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,602
Mr. Mayor, just how many
illegitimate children are you hiding?

36
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,529
Kent, I'm hiding nothing.

37
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,608
Except this puppy.

38
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,404
Look into his eyes
and tell me I'm lying.

39
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,124
Well, I'm placated.

40
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,362
And so are all my friends
in the local media.

41
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,367
I have a question. Chloe
Talbot, Global News Network.

42
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,566
Oh, it seems
a big-shot reporter from.

43
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,286
Some major news
outlet isn't satisfied.

44
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,489
Well, if it isn't local news
legend Kent Brockman.

45
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,086
Hey, Kent, run over
any more pedestrians?

46
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,361
Those records are sealed.

47
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,729
She's from Springfield.
I knew her in high school.

48
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,451
I didn't think anyone
successful came from Springfield.

49
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,204
What about that
two-headed goat?

50
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,328
Technically, he was born
in Shelbyville.

51
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,602
Yes. But he came
here to die.

52
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,169
- One of you ate tin cans.
- One of you ate health food.

53
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,847
How you solved crimes,
I'll never know.

54
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,483
Mr. Mayor, you claim
to be faithful to your wife.

55
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,809
But I have obtained
this exclusive videotape.

56
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,282
Come on, baby,
read my sash.

57
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,402
You're the "major"?

58
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,131
That's "mayor,"
you fertile moron!

59
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,370
Two things are certain.

60
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,084
The mayor is
in deep trouble.

61
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,170
And the local newsmen
in this town are idiots.

62
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,810
Channel 6 News rocks!

63
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,327
A car chase every night or the
weather girl wears a tube top!

64
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,971
And if she doesn't,
you win a pizza!

65
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,164
Chloe sure
turned out successful.

66
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,765
You're successful,
too, Mom.

67
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:05,242
You made a chore wheel
that's both fair and wise.

68
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,763
Marge, I figured out a way we
can get in on this Quimby lawsuit.

69
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:18,927
Bart, go ahead.

70
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:23,289
Mayor Quimby is my, er, father.
Give me $1 million.

71
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,168
Diamond Joe's gotta go.

72
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,050
Diamond Joe's
gotta go.

73
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,441
Mr. Mayor, will you
answer one question?

74
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,369
Only if it's
submitted in writing.

75
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,446
Checkmate.

76
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,849
Marge? Marge Simpson?

77
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,571
Chloe! Hi!

78
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,567
Marge! Oh... Where
are you living now?

79
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,051
Evergreen Terrace.

80
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,283
Paris! Just like
you always dreamed.

81
00:04:55,360 --> 00:05:00,207
Terrace. Evergreen Terrace.
The street that smells like pee.

82
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,607
This is my
daughter, Lisa.

83
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,082
Chloe, I really
admire how you got out

84
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,447
of Springfield and
became such a success.

85
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,602
Hey, only the
lame-o's stay.

86
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,362
And your mother,
super lady.

87
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,248
Well, it is good
to see you, Chloe.

88
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,362
Would you like to come over
for dinner tomorrow?

89
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,169
Oh, I'd love to.

90
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,164
I'm getting so sick of
these greasy catered meals.

91
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,641
You insult me,
you insult Italy!

92
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,410
Which is shaped like
a boot. Who knew?

93
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,250
Homer Simpson.

94
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,524
I saw you
on the television.

95
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,921
I remember you
from high school.

96
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,844
You barfed in my tuba.

97
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,446
I believe it was
the school's tuba.

98
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,922
Chloe, these kebabs
you made

99
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,123
are as good or better than
anything I've ever had at this table.

100
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,201
Homer!

101
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,886
Oh, Marge,
I'm just being polite.

102
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,091
My back pain's
completely cured!

103
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,650
That was one too many.

104
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,200
I got the recipe
for these in Istanbul.

105
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,281
More.

106
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,241
I was writing a story
for Harper's Magazine.

107
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,685
Harper's Magazine!

108
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,491
I have a picture of Lewis
Lapham on my binder.

109
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,727
Oh, but I've been yapping
about myself all night.

110
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,969
Marge, what's exciting
in your life lately?

111
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,731
Well...

112
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,608
Uh... Oh, we finally
found out why the dog

113
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,848
was scooting around
on his butt all day.

114
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,164
Turns out he had an
impacted anal gland.

115
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,922
The excitement
never stops.

116
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,329
Chloe, would you like to see
slides of our trip to Athens...

117
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,648
Boulevard
Recreational Center?

118
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,166
Pdloveto.

119
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,130
Oh, my show's on.
Mind if we watch a little?

120
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,321
I guess.

121
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,530
"The Talbot Report"
with Chloe Talbot.

122
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,126
Tonight Chloe
interviews Bob Dylan.

123
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,967
So, Bob, what religion are
you converting to now?

124
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,520
Hey, I'll tell you
one thing...

125
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,089
No war. Shalom.

126
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,606
Followed by
Chloe's triumphant return

127
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,684
to her depressing little
hometown, Springfield.

128
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,091
Hello, Ned.
Hey, Comic Book Guy.

129
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,051
Krusty the Clown,
I thought he was dead.

130
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,280
Yeah. I guess you ain't been to too
many supermarket openings lately.

131
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,882
You know, Chloe,
some of us stayed

132
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,202
in this town and
made it a better place.

133
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,731
Oh, come on, Marge.

134
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,736
The only reason we don't
move out of this dunghill

135
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,808
is because of my
court-ordered ankle bracelet.

136
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,843
I'm here. I'm here.
Quit bugging me.

137
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,526
Why do you always have
to show that to company?

138
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,523
It's a conversation starter.

139
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,322
This is the dance
the Chinese government

140
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,006
makes dissidents perform
before they shoot them.

141
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,645
Homer, what are you doing?

142
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,604
I swallowed a chicken bone.

143
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,810
Chloe, you've lived
so many fascinating places.

144
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,848
Yes, but down
deep in my heart,

145
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,208
I'll always be the girl who
wanted to leave Springfield.

146
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,725
Gee, with all that travel,

147
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,168
you probably haven't had much
time to find that special someone.

148
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,890
Oh, I've had a few flings.

149
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,961
Bill Clinton.
Schwarzenegger. Oh, excuse me.

150
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,284
But not all of us can be
as lucky as you, Marge.

151
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,970
Homer's a wonderful man.

152
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,050
Did you just
swallow another bone?

153
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,730
Same one!

154
00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:01,124
Chloe is amazing. Even her
serving bowl smells glamorous.

155
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,201
That's ridiculous!
No one's bowl smells...

156
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,531
It's like Christmas in Aspen.

157
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,401
Did you know back in high
school that she'd be such a star?

158
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,528
Back then
we were both stars

159
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,889
in the thrill-a-minute world
of high school journalism.

160
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,528
Together, we broke the
biggest story of the semester.

161
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:32,002
One of the cafeteria workers
was spitting in the soup.

162
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,404
I'll teach you to give me
my first job out of prison.

163
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,565
When we published the story,

164
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:41,604
we received
the school's highest award.

165
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,290
Ladies,
it is my great pleasure

166
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,000
to award you these
certificates of merit.

167
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,609
In this box marked "honoree,"
fill in your names.

168
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,444
And over here,
write in what you did.

169
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,683
I'll be back. You ain't
tasted the last of my spit.

170
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,691
Oh, that Moe.

171
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,525
But good for you, Mom.

172
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,001
Why didn't you follow Chloe
into journalism?

173
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,691
Well, we both faced
a tough decision.

174
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,482
Go off to journalism school,

175
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,689
or stay in Springfield
with our sweethearts?

176
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,490
Stay with me, Marge.

177
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:19,406
And I promise we'll travel the
world and perhaps outer space.

178
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,925
Barney...

179
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,770
I love you, Chloe.

180
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,327
And I love you,
too, brake fluid.

181
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,724
Chloe left town
as soon as Barney proposed.

182
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,961
I would've followed her,

183
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:50,484
but my plans changed when God
brought me a wonderful little boy.

184
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,005
Bart, stop that!

185
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,844
This isn't what
it looks like.

186
00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,449
Why would Homer
write his name in grime?

187
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,084
Ah, that's better.

188
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,651
Mom, Chloe just won
the Peabody Award.

189
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,606
Well, I just made the
bathroom floor smell like lemons.

190
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,609
Where's the
award for that?

191
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,002
Oh, Mom, don't feel bad.

192
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,003
Everybody
appreciates your...

193
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,562
Uh-oh. I'm late for my
dinner with Chloe.

194
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,205
Good news, Marge.

195
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,443
I've learned to
walk naked on stilts.

196
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,726
Whoa, whoa.

197
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,568
There's Dan Rather
and Tom Brokaw

198
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,768
hanging out
with Kent Brockman!

199
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,968
You want your mike back,
local anchor?

200
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,281
This just in.
I'm pissed off.

201
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,805
Hi, fellas.

202
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,561
Chloe, you want
to feel my muscle?

203
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,766
Chloe has such
an amazing life.

204
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,362
I wonder what would've happened
if I'd stuck with journalism?

205
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,410
Oh, honey, her life
can't compare to yours.

206
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,485
You've got three kids,
a TV tray from Expo 67,

207
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,562
and you're
married to King Stink!

208
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,483
Yeah, I guess.

209
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,721
Marge, listen to me.

210
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,646
Chloe may have a flashy job, but
you're the backbone of this family.

211
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,370
You're like the electrical
tape that holds

212
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,130
the two halves of
my car together.

213
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,202
That's a sweet
thought, Homie.

214
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,124
I just hate to see
you upset, honey.

215
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,690
You know what would
be a good name for Maggie?

216
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:29,921
Chloe!

217
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,922
That was such
an exciting night.

218
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,891
Morley Safer has the
biggest head I've ever seen.

219
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,810
I really had fun.

220
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,767
It's gonna be a letdown
going to school tomorrow.

221
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,048
We have to make
a pilgrim out of felt.

222
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,922
Hey, I'm covering
the UN Women's.

223
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,208
Conference in
Capital City tomorrow.

224
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,130
You want to come
with me?

225
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,369
Oh, that'd be wonderful!

226
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,323
Oh, I'd have
to ask my mom.

227
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,007
You can ask her right now. She's
glaring at us from the front lawn.

228
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,605
Marge, it's my fault
we're a little late.

229
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:10,044
How dare you show my daughter
a life of fun and possibility?

230
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,203
Hey! Keep your dishwashing
hands off the Armani.

231
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:18,002
For your information, our
electric dishwasher is on the fritz.

232
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:23,011
Not that you care about the
ups and downs of my appliances.

233
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,003
Do you? Do you?

234
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,570
Oh! That's it!

235
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,210
I'm going to
show you some moves

236
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,765
I learned from
G. Gordon Liddy!

237
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,763
I'm so sick of names!

238
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,526
Oh! My hair!

239
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:44,083
Ladies, there's no
need to fight over me.

240
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,242
No one's fighting over you!

241
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,561
Oh. Well, then carry on.

242
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,009
You don't know
when to quit.

243
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,447
"Shiner Be Gone."

244
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:08,044
Tura-Iura-Iura.

245
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:16,287
Tura-lura-li...

246
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,286
Lisa, honey, let me explain
what happened tonight.

247
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:28,126
Sometimes when your mom
has half a glass of wine,

248
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,083
she goes cuckoo bananas.

249
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:34,570
Hmm. So, is it okay if I go to the
Women's Conference with Chloe?

250
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,883
Let me think
about it. No.

251
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,243
Oh, I've never
disobeyed Mom before.

252
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,410
Is this a step I'm
really willing to take?

253
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,326
I don't know. The more
I think about it, the...

254
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,285
Thinking is for losers.

255
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,768
Bart! Thanks for helping
me make up my mind!

256
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,525
Thanks for cushioning my fall.

257
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,404
I didn't cushion your...

258
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:16,088
Chloe, I saw your report on
Kuala Lumpur. Truly hard-hitting.

259
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,686
Thanks, Tom.
I really appreciate that.

260
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,162
So I...
You know, I was wondering...

261
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,321
Yes?

262
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,049
Would you like to come to my
celebrity racquetball tournament?

263
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,770
I'll have to
check my schedule.

264
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,969
I'll give you
a first-round bye.

265
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,771
Gotta go, Tom.
I'll think about it.

266
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,126
Lisa, breakfast.

267
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,045
I know you're mad at me.

268
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,607
But I hope you're not mad
at Cap'n Crunch...

269
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,207
Homer, we've
gotta get Lisa!

270
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,126
All right. While I'm gone, boy,
you think about what you did.

271
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:57,807
What did I do?

272
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,247
You... Why, you little...

273
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,289
You need a reason for
strangling, do you...

274
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,562
I'll fix your wagon...

275
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,246
Hello?

276
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,936
Chloe, forget about
the Women's Conference.

277
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,803
I need you to get over
to Mount Springfield!

278
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,041
It's about to erupt.

279
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,164
Don't we have a reporter who
specializes in natural disasters?

280
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,527
Yeah. He's busy covering
Julia Roberts' last haircut.

281
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,529
But seriously, he's dead.
Now, get going.

282
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,202
Hey there! My name's Chet.

283
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,131
I'm the cameraman
for this here 'cano story.

284
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,921
Let's see. I've been to
Afghanistan, Serbia, Lebanon...

285
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,521
Okay, okay, I lied!

286
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,080
I shoot wedding videos
in Dallas, Fort Worth...

287
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,962
Okay, okay, just Fort Worth!

288
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,361
Hello, UN Women's
Conference!

289
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,611
We're trapped!

290
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,285
Lisa, we may not make it.

291
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,489
But at least we can go out
as the great journalists we are.

292
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,085
I'm not a journalist.

293
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,651
You are now.

294
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,444
Remember to keep my
boobs in the shot.

295
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,086
And we're on in five,
four, three...

296
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,684
I don't see Lisa in
any of the seminars.

297
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,967
And I'm growing
ashamed of my penis.

298
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:36,726
Homer, look!

299
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,883
I'm here at the long-dormant
Springfield Volcano,

300
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,725
which is now spewing
noxious debris into the air.

301
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,564
- How male.
- Mmm-hmm.

302
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:49,006
With me is my 8-year-old
camera girl, Lisa Simpson.

303
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,602
She's taken my daughter
to an erupting volcano?

304
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:57,287
That's it! She is off
the Christmas card list!

305
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:58,600
Marge, that's
crazy talk!

306
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,769
Now, look, I'll save Lisa. Your
place is here with the women.

307
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,244
Okay, you go save Lisa.
I'll stay here with the women.

308
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,883
What do women want?

309
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,288
We've gotta go now!

310
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,882
Okay. I'll run as fast as I
can, but I'm full of potato salad.

311
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,407
I'm sorry, folks. You're not
allowed to go up there.

312
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,409
In fact, I don't
even know why I'm here.

313
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,370
This lava is not a criminal.
It hasn't hurt anybody...

314
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,120
Anybody I know.

315
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,522
Chief, my daughter's up there.
You're a father, too!

316
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,170
Yeah. But I'm a cop first,

317
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:45,205
then a boat enthusiast,
amateur historian, yo-yo dieter,

318
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,725
then I'm a cop again...

319
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,840
Help!
Help! So much sulfur dioxide!

320
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,327
I'm coming, sweetheart!

321
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,561
I'll save you, Lisa!

322
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,651
Oh, my God!

323
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,210
Be careful, Mom!

324
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,687
There's hot lava
under the ground!

325
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:17,482
Actually, when it's underground,
lava is called magma!

326
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,528
You're so smart, Chloe!

327
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,490
Walter Cronkite
told me the same thing!

328
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,410
Shut up!

329
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,602
Mom, that was incredible.

330
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,441
Oh, nothing's more powerful
than a mother's love.

331
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,005
Mom, your hair!

332
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,764
Don't worry.
We've got two hours

333
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,484
before it burns
down to my head.

334
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,125
Our top story tonight...

335
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,770
I'm about to die.

336
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,281
Barney, you
saved my life.

337
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,171
Chloe, when you left me,
I was devastated.

338
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,164
But I sobered up long
enough to become a pilot.

339
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,961
With you beside me, I
think I could make it work.

340
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,889
How about a half-hour
of pity sex?

341
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,769
Is there any
other kind?

342
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,682
In the wake of
the devastating eruption,

343
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,802
one Springfielder
proved herself a hero,

344
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,365
Marge Simpson!

345
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:32,843
She's won herself a free hero
sandwich at Springfield Sub Shops.

346
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,129
Extra charge
for warm-ups.

347
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,004
Mom, I want to be
just like you.

348
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:38,849
I mean the lava part,
not saving Lisa.

349
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,929
Pretend to care!

350
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:48,000
Well, looking at you kids, I know
I made the right choice in life.

351
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,730
I'm sure you did.

352
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,936
But still, don't you ever
wonder what might've happened

353
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,371
if things had
gone differently?

354
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:54,721
Well...

355
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,522
This is Marge Simpson
reporting from Lake Placid

356
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,286
where the "Miracle on
Ice" never happened.

357
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,564
No!

358
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,047
Lisa, what are you
doing in there?

359
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:21,444
Praying to Buddha, Jesus,
SpongeBob. There's no time to be picky.

360
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,360
Perhaps we should help.

361
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,925
Screw her!