1
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The Simpsons.

2
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,842
Welcome to the
Mayor's Easter Egg Hunt.

3
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And now my
rarely-seen wife

4
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,404
would like to say
a few words.

5
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Thank you, Joe.

6
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,365
In just a few moments,

7
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:41,606
the hunt will be opened by our own
rascally referee, Hugs Bunny.

8
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,089
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, kid.

9
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,083
Legally, I'm not
allowed to hug you.

10
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,924
Now begin the hunt!

11
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,561
Joe! You said
your wife was dead!

12
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,564
And you said you graduated
from typing school.

13
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,483
I have trouble
with the space bar.

14
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Nelson, those don't
count as Easter eggs.

15
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Yeah. But they count
as breakfast.

16
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It was worth it!

17
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Yay!

18
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Yay!

19
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Yay!

20
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Yay!

21
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,771
Ralph, there's a hole
in your basket.

22
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You're Lisa's brother.

23
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Hey! Nobody pushes around
my precious bundle of joy!

24
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Oops. Wrong one.

25
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I'll take that!

26
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Too slow, Droolie Joe!

27
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,283
Peek-a-boo,
I steal from you!

28
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Sir, you
want to set the baby down?

29
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Don't worry.
I just wanna talk.

30
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Silly rabbit,
kicks are for ribs!

31
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This house has such
beautiful wainscoting.

32
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:24,209
Well, Marge, I didn't
know you were into wainscoting.

33
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I read an article about it
at the tire store.

34
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Did you know
it's not named after

35
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someone named
Wayne Scott?

36
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,646
You are now in
the mayor's office.

37
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,560
This is the switch the mayor
uses to call his chief of staff.

38
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That concludes our tour.

39
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But I'd love it if you'd all
join me for tea in the parlor.

40
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Tea? In the parlor?

41
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You're like all
Easter Bunnies!

42
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Can't take a punch
to the crotch!

43
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Maybe next time
you'll think twice

44
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before you
"volunteer to help children!"

45
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Oh, hey, Marge.

46
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This is
my husband, Homer.

47
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Ladies. Marge, is there
a small rip in my pants?

48
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Homer, please.

49
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We're about to have tea.

50
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No tea. Security!

51
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Oh! Everyone, just go!

52
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Way to blow
our tea, Marge.

53
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,249
That's the last refrigerator
magnet calendar you get from me!

54
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We throw those
out anyway.

55
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You lie!
Stop lying!

56
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,526
Hey, goad-lookin'.

57
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Want to snuggle
with Tyrannosaurus Sex?

58
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No, I don't!

59
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,321
I'm still upset about
what happened today.

60
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,640
I don't have many friends.

61
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,923
And when I finally start
to make some, you ruin it.

62
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Oh, come on, honey.
You have lots of friends.

63
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There's, uh, Lisa,

64
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and the stove.

65
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Oh, that poor woman.
I'm gonna find her a friend.

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Someone cute, athletic,
with a nice laugh.

67
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,371
My husband
and my best friend?

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It's a risk I'll have to take.

69
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,931
What'cha looking
for, Lisa?

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00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,286
Summer opportunities.

71
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We're going to twin camp.

72
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Oh, my God!
"Spend a summer in Rome!"

73
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Rome? Founded by
twins by the way.

74
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Hey! Where'd she go?

75
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,884
Oh, well. Let's talk in
our secret twin language.

76
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Okay, Lisa.
To study in Rome,

77
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an applicant needs
outstanding grades... Check.

78
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Uh-oh. Lisa, it says you have
to speak fluent Italian.

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Uh, check.

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You speak Italian?

81
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,481
Of course I do.

82
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Why would I say it
if I didn't?

83
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Flawless logic.

84
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But I am gonna have to ask
you to speak a few phrases

85
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to verify your fluency.

86
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Though not now because I have a
series of important meetings.

87
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How's tomorrow for you?

88
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Because
it's terrible for me.

89
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But I'll get back
to you, soon.

90
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Son, I need to find
a new friend for your mother.

91
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So you're gonna have to
finish the shopping yourself.

92
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:45,960
We're on Food Stamps?

93
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,804
I wish.
I made these at work.

94
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:57,970
Hmm. I bet she'd be a good friend
for Marge. She looks defeated, too.

95
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Psst! Psst!

96
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,486
Why does every woman I try
to talk to run into cans?

97
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,289
I want to rent a small boat.

98
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,281
I plan to dump this
body in the ocean.

99
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This is what you get
for asking questions!

100
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Arrivederci, ignorance!

101
00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:00,002
Marge, I did it. I found a
woman to be your new friend.

102
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,889
She's waiting
in the living room!

103
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Hmph. I'm going out
for some air!

104
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,161
I bet you can't throw
a cat over the house.

105
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Huh, I was wrong.

106
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Everybody hurts.

107
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Sometimes.

108
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I guess I'm not
meant to have friends.

109
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:39,207
Stop that hat!

110
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Whoo!

111
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How about this wind, huh?

112
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I don't know how you keep
your hair so perfect!

113
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Johnson's Water Seal.

114
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My name's Tammy.

115
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And these are my friends,
the Cheery Red Tomatoes.

116
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The nationwide
social organization

117
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for women of a certain age?

118
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Yeah. But we don't sit
around watching television

119
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and eating bonbons.

120
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Well, except on
W-bonbon night,

121
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which is every
Tuesday and Thursday.

122
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What are you doing today?

123
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We're gonna have margaritas and
poke gentle fun at our husbands.

124
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Would you like to join us?

125
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,040
Would I? Now let's see.

126
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,681
Homer cut up my wedding dress
to make a badminton net,

127
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which he never uses.

128
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,681
He spent my last
three birthdays in jail.

129
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,922
Called out his bowling
hall's name during sex!

130
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,482
Whoa, whoa, whoa, honey!
Save it for Johnny Fiestas!

131
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,528
And now, we return
to the Vic Tayback Motel and Casino

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00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,208
in downtown Las Vegas for
Has-Been Celebrity Poker.

133
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,521
As always,
all our celebrities

134
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are playing for charity.

135
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,531
What! I am so out of here!

136
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,205
Wow, Mom!
Great red dress!

137
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For your information,
I am now a junior member

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00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,887
of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.

139
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,962
Marge? In a gang?

140
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,842
What are you gonna do?
Shoot me with a frosting gun?

141
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,040
Seriously,
I would love that.

142
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,970
Oh, you guys
make everything fun!

143
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,211
That's my Italian tutor.

144
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,369
Oh, hey, Milhouse,
I think Bart's upstairs.

145
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,762
I'm not here for Bart. I'm
here to teach you Italian.

146
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Oh, sure. I get it.

147
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,128
Bart told you
I was taking lessons

148
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,770
so you thought
you'd come over and...

149
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,846
That means,
"Please stop and listen."

150
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,002
I'm the tutor
the company sent over.

151
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,005
I'm here to teach you
la lingua di arte e la musica.

152
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,686
You really speak Italian?
Si.

153
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,606
My grandmother, Nana Sofie,
lives in Tuscany.

154
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,684
Since I was a baby, I've spent
two weeks there every summer.

155
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,927
Nana hated English
because in World War II

156
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,684
a G.I. left her with Child.

157
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,444
My Uncle Bastardo.

158
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,522
Nana only spoke
Italian to me.

159
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:16,404
I love you, Nana. Whoa!

160
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,200
Every time I
spoke English, she hit me.

161
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,248
Ow, that hurt!

162
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,202
I'm sorry I'm so stupid.

163
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,327
That's howl learned Italian
and started wetting my bed.

164
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:45,485
Anyway, what do you say?
Can I be your insegnante?

165
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,767
Okay. If that
means "teacher."

166
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,923
It means
"masculine teacher."

167
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,922
Bye, ladies. You can
text message me anytime.

168
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,082
We already did!

169
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,762
Oh, how cute.

170
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,970
He tried to stay up,
but he just couldn't make it.

171
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,089
Buongiorno, Millhouse.

172
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,650
Ah, perfetto.

173
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:25,448
Thank you. I've been studying.
I even made flash cards.

174
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,321
My efforts!

175
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,687
Oh, Lisa.
You don't learn Italian,

176
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,046
you live Italian!

177
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,009
Come, we ride
to Little Italy.

178
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,368
But first, Hake care of
some classroom business.

179
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,169
Lisa Simpson?
Present.

180
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,366
Let's go.

181
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,364
One gelato for,
oh, the pretty girl.

182
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,727
Ah, Mr. Milhouse,
thank goodness!

183
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,407
Could you translate and help
me buy cheese for my lasagna?

184
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,006
But Luigi,
surely you speak Italian?

185
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:21,406
No, I don't. I only speak,
how you say, fractured English.

186
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,801
That's what my parents
spoke at home.

187
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,924
I had a wonderful
time today.

188
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,090
I'm the luckiest boy
in the world!

189
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,924
Don't be in love,
stupid!

190
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,201
Tammy, I'd never
have the courage

191
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,487
to skydive if it
weren't for you girls.

192
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:52,607
Thanks, Marge.

193
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,809
And you know, when we land, we've
got a little surprise for ya.

194
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:59,681
Ooh. Well, now I really
hope my chute opens.

195
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,047
Goodbye, cruel world!

196
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,326
Ladies.

197
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,086
Marge Simpson,
we hereby induct you

198
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,050
as a full member
of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.

199
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,051
I feel a happiness
I've never felt.

200
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,841
I not only have friends,
I have a hat to prove it.

201
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,606
Now Marge, as a full member, you
get to share in all our secrets.

202
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,648
Like our recipe
for mock apple pie.

203
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,121
The secret is it's got
apples in it.

204
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,363
And now we can tell you the
secret plans for our fundraiser.

205
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,490
This year, we're gonna steal one
million dollars from Mr. Burns.

206
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,803
You're joking!
You've gotta be joking!

207
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,090
You're not joking.

208
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,364
Oh, any other surprises?

209
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,169
I'm not a natural redhead.

210
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,966
I'm sorry. I can't steal.
Not even from Mr. Burns.

211
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,361
Mr. Burns promised
a million dollars

212
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,727
to the Springfield
Children's Hospital.

213
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,245
And then...

214
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,887
Instead of donating
this money,

215
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,361
I'm going to use it
to extend my own life

216
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,442
another 10 minutes.

217
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:28,521
Smithers?

218
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,125
And the register?

219
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,645
Release the hounds!

220
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,929
Why would you bring attack
dogs to a charity event?

221
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,650
I was taking them
to the groomers.

222
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,610
Who's a stinky dog?
You are.

223
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,889
Michelle's going to work on you today.
Yes, she is.

224
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,690
There are 12 Faberge eggs in his
vault, each worth a small fortune.

225
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,484
We can get them, but we
need your special skills.

226
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,201
When I joined, I never thought
we'd be robbing people.

227
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,930
You said you wanted friends!

228
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,731
And the one thing about friends
is that they stick together!

229
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,929
Especially when they're trying to
pull off a million-dollar heist.

230
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,924
Maybe we were a little too
quick to give you that hat.

231
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,209
Take back the hail
She deserves bare hair!

232
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,089
Bare hair! Bare hair!

233
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,481
Okay, okay,
okay, I'm in!

234
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,891
You ladies doing
okay down there?

235
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,247
Sorry to wake you,
Stanley.

236
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,681
Don't let us down,
newbie.

237
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,724
Welcome back to Fox
Sports West II Classic Fox Sports Fox.

238
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,480
Hey, Marge,
where are you going?

239
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,411
Well, I'm...
Bird watching.

240
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,121
Wait a minute.
If she's going bird watching,

241
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,601
why did she leave our
Peterson's Field Guide to Birds

242
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,886
on the kitchen counter?

243
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,691
Roadrunners are real!

244
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:58,565
Milhouse is teaching
me to speak so prettily

245
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:03,931
I'll quip so wittily
when I'm in Italy.

246
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,487
Milhouse,
just what is going on?

247
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,130
Run along, Angelique.

248
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,368
But not too fast, huh?

249
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,486
Lisa, Lisa,
she is the appetizer,

250
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,767
but you are
the main course!

251
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,404
Lisa! You're speaking
perfect Italian!

252
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,201
Now let's see
what Marge is up to.

253
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,570
That's Mr. Burns' mansion!

254
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,484
Remind me, Smithers,
while we're out,

255
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,050
I need to get
my eyes re-balled

256
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,088
and my brain
flushed outwith vinegar.

257
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,696
Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will
be back from the shop tomorrow.

258
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,721
Excellent.

259
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,885
Okay, Marge. You're the only
one of us skinny enough

260
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,564
to squeeze through
this vent.

261
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,688
That's my special skill?

262
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,286
Well, what'd you think?
You're a master of disguise?

263
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,566
Not with that 'do.

264
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:40,846
I thought
you liked my hair.

265
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,126
It's all right.

266
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,851
I've gotta stop
Marge from doing

267
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,684
something reckless
and irresponsible!

268
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,286
Lou, we better go
after him.

269
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,362
Eddie, you direct traffic.
You're the graceful one.

270
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,441
You got it, Chief.

271
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,482
Look at him
tease that Subaru.

272
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,689
And that guy can't find a girlfriend.
I'll never figure it out.

273
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,084
I got the combination
from Burns

274
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,931
after I let him feel me
up during the Depression.

275
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,329
Zero to the right, zero to
the left,

276
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,243
back to zero.

277
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,643
Marge, I wanted to save you from the cops.
But the cops followed me!

278
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,200
Game over, man!
Game over!

279
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,244
So are you gonna introduce
me to your friends?

280
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,776
Don't worry, Mr. Burns. We'll
get to the bottom of this.

281
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,451
Excuse me, Lou.
I'm supposed to say that.

282
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,126
Acting like the chief
doesn't make you the chief.

283
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,642
If I was acting like the
chief, I'd need size 58 pants.

284
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,016
Oh, here we go
with the fat jokes.

285
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,896
You know, I just wish you
could hit the easy targets

286
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,445
on the firing range
so well.

287
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,451
Oh, Lou, why do we
hurt each other so?

288
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,409
Because sometimes
it's easier to be cruel

289
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,448
than to say what
you really feel.

290
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,005
Permission to hug, Chief?

291
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,489
Permission granted.

292
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,528
Granted, Lou!
Thank you, Chief!

293
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:25,880
Oh, enough!

294
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,364
While you morons
are canoodling,

295
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,249
someone's burgling
my miscellanea.

296
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,531
Try to take my eggs,
will you?

297
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,967
Well, this rooster
has a beak.

298
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,362
A beak which calls out
death-a-doodle-doo.

299
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,525
Why, you're all women.

300
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,965
I'm not.

301
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,562
I suppose. But you're
certainly buxom and flirty.

302
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,968
Oh, well, I try to
have a good time.

303
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,005
All I wanted to do
was join a group

304
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,566
of women who wore
the same outfits!

305
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,565
Oh, no jury on earth
would convict

306
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,449
a bunch of
moist-eyed mothers.

307
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,244
I'll tell you
what, ladies.

308
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,800
Give me my eggs back
and I'll let you go.

309
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,324
And tell me I'm not fat!

310
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,170
Well, I guess our
fundraiser was a failure.

311
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,483
Don't be so sure.

312
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,561
Ah, Marge, I love you.

313
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,016
But to be safe,
sweetie, I don't think

314
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,088
we can ever see
each other again.

315
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,401
I'll really
miss you guys.

316
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,848
I'll never forget the three
activities we did together.

317
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,481
Listen, Marge.

318
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,528
No matter where you go
in this life,

319
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,210
you'll always have
one friend

320
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,282
who loves you,
body and soul.

321
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,803
And Marge,
there are certain things

322
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,282
I can do for you that
no other friend can.

323
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,044
Special things.

324
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,928
Wow, this is special.

325
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:17,686
I can't believe this happened
to me twice!