1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:06,131
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,493
Checking out a cave
is gonna be awesome!

3
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:33,621
It'll be dark, with rocks
and mineral formations,

4
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,123
and plants that
have adapted to harsh...

5
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,046
Wait a minute.
This is a scam.

6
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,544
We're on a nature walk!

7
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:43,548
Don't worry, Bart. I brought something
that'll keep you interested.

8
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,504
A nickel in
a water bottle.

9
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,469
Wow. Wow. Wow!

10
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,636
Oh, he'll sleep tonight.

11
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,142
Where'd it go?
Where'd it go?

12
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,771
Oh, it's in the cap.

13
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:02,397
"Local Anahoopi Indians

14
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,109
"believed this stalactite
was the finger of Tsisnajini,

15
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,535
"their God of pointing down."

16
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,997
Silly Indians.
Our God made their God.

17
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,915
It's so impressive.

18
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:17,996
I'm just gonna get a tiny chip
to put on my desk at work.

19
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:29,257
Save me, Tsisnajini!

20
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,433
I'm stuck!
And I have to pee!

21
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,395
Now I'm just stuck.

22
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,611
Don't worry, Homer.

23
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:51,446
We'll get that fireman who cut
you out of that teacup ride.

24
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,872
That was two firemen,
a crane, and Snow White.

25
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,707
Why you little...

26
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,627
Oh, no! This chamber's
not on the map.

27
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,801
We could be stuck in here forever
if we don't find a way out.

28
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,299
Well, we better
start looking.

29
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,506
Don't leave me!
I hate to be alone!

30
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,717
Except when I'm watching TV.
Then leave me alone.

31
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,051
But right now,
don't leave!

32
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,469
I'll stay with you, Dad.

33
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,725
Will you tell me a story?
Sure.

34
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,148
Once upon a time
in a far off kingdom...

35
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,315
No unicorns.

36
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,938
Oh, all right.

37
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,316
Um, I'll tell you something
that happened to me last week.

38
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,489
I was walking home
from school

39
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,362
when suddenly
I heard...

40
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,570
Oh, hello,
Mister Bighorn Sheep.

41
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,699
I've read about you.

42
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,252
You're shy and you
rarely approach humans.

43
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,716
And of course, you'd never
attack a fellow herbivore!

44
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:55,425
Mad beast!

45
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,556
Liberal midget!

46
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:04,059
Good Lord,
a wooly bully.

47
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,732
Come on!

48
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,284
Enter password.

49
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,580
Damn it, I forget.

50
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,159
Forgot password?
Enter place of birth.

51
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,540
Pangaea...

52
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,498
Correct Your password has
been e-mailed to you.

53
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,751
Whoa!

54
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,759
So long, sucker. Oof.

55
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:40,016
I mean, don't leave
an old man to die.

56
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,435
So long, sucker!

57
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,118
Maybe Mr. Smithers
will help us.

58
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,666
No. He's out getting
a spray-on tan.

59
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,040
He comes back orange
and stains the furniture.

60
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,338
The man's a walking
creamsicle.

61
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,376
You worked at Moe's?

62
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:14,259
Yes, and therein lies a
tale of woe and heartbreak.

63
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,760
One I couldn't
possibly recount.

64
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,514
I understand. I'll
just read a magazine.

65
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,936
Okay,
here's the story.

66
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,514
I belong to
a very exclusive club.

67
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,850
The Excluders' Club.

68
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,278
One day, while I was
savoring the exclusivity...

69
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,524
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

70
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,607
Now you're telling
me Burns' story?

71
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,443
Yeah, it's like the play
within a play in Hamlet.

72
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,869
Let's see.

73
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,164
It's like when you watch old
home movies of you watching TV.

74
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,456
Gotcha.

75
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,328
One day, a new
member arrived at the club.

76
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,708
Yee-haw!

77
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,416
Who's this
dried-up old apricot?

78
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,463
I'm in oil. What's
your racket, Slim?

79
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,343
Nuclear power!

80
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,140
I make money
using my brain,

81
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:02,686
not sticking a pole in the
ground and praying for goo.

82
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:07,312
You need to get your
hands dirty, Poindexter!

83
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,768
Dip 'em in
a little Texas crude!

84
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:15,074
Down in Houston, we
call that a Fort Worth shampoo!

85
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:19,112
Sir, I challenge
you to a duel!

86
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,286
You got it.

87
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,036
A bullet in the brain
at high noon.

88
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,577
At my age,
that could kill me.

89
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,789
How about we settle things
with a scavenger hunt?

90
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,919
You're on, Twiggy!

91
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,671
Sorry about that.

92
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:38,422
Gentlemen, you will each be given
an identical list of 10 items.

93
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:43,435
The first person to collect all
items on said list is the winner.

94
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:47,435
And shall receive all of his
opponent's worldly possessions.

95
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,808
Yee-haw!

96
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,439
I'm gonna win me
a nucular plant!

97
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,153
Dream on, bitch.

98
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,114
Scavengers, scavenge!

99
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,955
Whoa! Hmm?

100
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,051
I'm bald!

101
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,969
I had but
one item left on the list.

102
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,770
A picture of myself
with a smiling child.

103
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,099
What could be easier?

104
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,486
It's the boogeyman's
grandfather!

105
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,980
He's gonna
drink our bones!

106
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,656
Smile. Like this.

107
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,158
Yee-haw!

108
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,461
I won! Everything yours is mine!

109
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,257
Hi-yo, Smithers, away!

110
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,549
With nowhere else to turn,

111
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,927
I spent the first
three days with relatives.

112
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:08,140
I had to get a job. And I
had to start at the bottom.

113
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,596
But to get to the bottom,

114
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,683
I had to work my way
up from Moe's.

115
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,685
Hey, bar boy.

116
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,275
This table's wobbly. Come
jam your foot under it.

117
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,611
Hey, bar boy, write a play where I
meet Henry Ford and Captain Kirk.

118
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,446
Hey, bar boy, dance
around like an idiot.

119
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:27,530
Like this.

120
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,834
"I'm so stupid.
I'm so stupid."

121
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,332
I'm a little busy.
Can I do it later?

122
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,163
Sure.

123
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,247
You're gonna be all,

124
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:40,802
"I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid.
I'm so stupid..."

125
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,007
Burns sure will
look like a jerk later.

126
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,763
At $5.15 an hour,

127
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,139
it would take an eternity
to make my fortune back.

128
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,596
And FICA wasn't helping.

129
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,605
But then, for once in my life,
things went my way.

130
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,985
I steamed the letter open with
Moe's cappuccino machine.

131
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,070
If you're reading this,
I am dead.

132
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,908
And you are about to learn
the stow of my treasure.

133
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,038
Treasure?

134
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,326
Treasure?

135
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,749
Moe has a
cappuccino machine?

136
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,133
We couldn't find
a way out.

137
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,213
But on the upside,

138
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,095
I found some cave paintings
and made them awesome.

139
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,513
Boy, come here and
listen to Lisa's story.

140
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,723
It's about Moe's treasure.

141
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,935
Soto continue...

142
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,190
...with the sad story...

143
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,192
...of Moe's treasure.

144
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,944
It was the first day
of summer.

145
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,401
I was heading to the
restaurant supply store

146
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,077
to buy some
urinal cake mix

147
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,155
when I was suddenly
sideswiped.

148
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,535
By love.

149
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:58,164
There she was, the gorgeous new
girl in town, Edna Krabappel.

150
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,209
Oh, you poor man.

151
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:06,342
She had gossamer hair, limpid
eyes, and the rack of an angel.

152
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,725
I see you're new to town. Maybe
I could, uh, show you around.

153
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,097
I know a terrific tavern.

154
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,808
Ha! My ex-husband
was a drunk.

155
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,983
I hate bars,
saloons, nightclubs,

156
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,856
and most of all,
taverns.

157
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:23,279
Oh, yeah, me, too. That's why
I'm not a tavern keeper.

158
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,776
What do you do
for a living?

159
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:27,530
Me? Well, I, uh...
For a living, well...

160
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,032
There's, uh, all kinds
of things a fella can do,

161
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,330
such as hemming,
and, uh, hawing and...

162
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:36,285
But me, I'm a highly-respected,
um, therapist for alcoholics.

163
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,590
I knew that in
order to win her love,

164
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,759
I needed to get rid
of the human garbage

165
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,257
otherwise known
as my best friends.

166
00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,297
On!

167
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,927
Come on!

168
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,011
Barney, how do you
keep getting back in?

169
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,100
I'm a drunk. I don't know nothing
about how I do anything.

170
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,308
Whoa!

171
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,530
Fly me to the moon.

172
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,360
Let me play
among the stars.

173
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,487
For one sweet summer,
I was a true gentleman,

174
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:16,074
as a result of which, Krabappel
was letting me do her.

175
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,127
So, Mrs. Krabappel,
you got any plans?

176
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:23,423
In the fall, I'll be teaching fourth
grade at Springfield Elementary.

177
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,546
Oh, that's great.
Wonderful bunch of kids.

178
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,804
Lab partners don't treat
lab partners like this!

179
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,881
Shut up and
attract lightning!

180
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:39,849
Edna, you've made me feel love
where before there was only pain.

181
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,478
Come here, you.

182
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,274
Oh, jeez.

183
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,357
Hey, Moe, thanks to you,
I've been sober a week.

184
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,282
Yeah, me, too.
Yeah, we're all sober.

185
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,237
Uh, these are some of the local
alcoholics I told you about.

186
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,366
Don't pigeonhole us.

187
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:55,997
We have other vices.

188
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,040
I dress up like a baby.

189
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,586
Ah, come on, guys, let me give
you some counseling over here.

190
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,169
Listen, booze bags,
I got a good thing going here.

191
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,546
If you mess it up, I will out
the one of you that is gay.

192
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,343
So, uh, where were we?

193
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,432
I had to get Edna
out of Springfield,

194
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,105
make a fresh start
in a new town far away.

195
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,525
A place where we could play
bridge with our neighbors.

196
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,444
And if they're interested in wife
swapping, who am I to say no?

197
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,066
I mean,
I'm just the new guy.

198
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,365
But where would I get the
money to start a new life?

199
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,569
And then opportunity
strolled right in the door.

200
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:41,126
Yes, hello. I need directions to the
Springfield Natural History Museum.

201
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,916
I totally have a
donation for them.

202
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,332
Coins, money, gold!

203
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,919
See, this was back before Snake
became a notorious jailbird,

204
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,552
when he was an idealistic,
law-abiding young archeologist.

205
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,975
I was, like, excavating
this Mayan pyramid

206
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,269
and I totally unearthed
these gold coins.

207
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,564
And I'm all like, "Could you
be anymore pre-Columbian?"

208
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,983
Uh, you can't donate that
gold to the museum today

209
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,560
because, um,
it's closed

210
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,772
so they can clean under
the wangs of the statues.

211
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,231
Oh. Well, no problem.

212
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,113
I'll just spend the night in that
motel across the street there.

213
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,987
Love had handed
me an awful dilemma.

214
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,949
Should I rob this guy,
or rob him and kill him?

215
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,659
I decided to do
the right thing.

216
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,261
I've been robbed!

217
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,760
I'll take my revenge
on society,

218
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,967
by which I mean
convenience stores.

219
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,600
And who would suspect me,
Professor Jailbird?

220
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,648
Before we left town for
good, we had to make one stop

221
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,321
so she could tell the school she
wouldn't be teaching there.

222
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,526
Back in a flash,
my sweet little gargoyle.

223
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,195
Aww.

224
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,790
I was the happiest
guy in the world.

225
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:06,836
But fate likes to play a little
game called "Up yours, Moe."

226
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,627
Moe, we need to talk.

227
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,209
About what? How nothing changed
when you were in there?

228
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,671
Not exactly. You see,
when I went inside...

229
00:13:17,870 --> 00:13:20,053
Young man,
it's summertime.

230
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,350
What are you doing here?

231
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,053
I've got detention
all summer.

232
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,228
Why?

233
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,972
Because I'm a screw-up.

234
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,400
My sister's the smart one.
All I do is get in trouble.

235
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:32,190
Aw, sweetheart,
do you want to do better?

236
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,113
Oh, it doesn't matter.

237
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,190
Everyone's pretty much
given up on me.

238
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,118
I bet I won't even make
it through fourth grade.

239
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,324
You'll make it
through fourth grade.

240
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,001
Because I'm gonna stay
here and be your teacher.

241
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,922
Wait, wait, wait. There's
one thing I don't understand here.

242
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,591
You never had
detention all summer.

243
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,340
Oh, that load of crap?

244
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,887
No, I was just
keeping her busy

245
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,430
while Nelson
stole microscopes.

246
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,506
Make with the story.

247
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,842
Well, my best
recollection of.

248
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,848
Burns' paraphrasing of what
he read in Moe's letter

249
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,929
is that Krabappel told Moe...

250
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,606
I have to stay here
in Springfield

251
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,184
because boys like
Bart Simpson need me.

252
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,942
Sweet, misunderstood boys who
just need someone to recognize

253
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,615
the basic goodness
that's trapped inside them

254
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,034
and is desperately
trying to get out.

255
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,453
There was
nothing I could do.

256
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,248
Well, except go nuts.

257
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:29,373
You crazy skirt! Nobody
backs out on fake-good Moe!

258
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,499
I ought to...

259
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,799
In other words.

260
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,389
I love...

261
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,769
If I couldn't spend the treasure
on Edna, I didn't want to spend it.

262
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,852
I just sat there playing
our song on the jukebox,

263
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,360
one gold...

264
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,279
"...coin at a time."

265
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,571
Oh, you poor man.

266
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,779
You're about to
get a lot poorer.

267
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,036
Okay, I'll take your gold

268
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,044
and give you back all
your worldly possessions,

269
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,376
excepting
your nucular plant.

270
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,051
You don't get
that back

271
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:23,052
till you bring me a photo of
yourself with a smiling child.

272
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:26,180
What the hell
could that mean to you?

273
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,012
I'm obsessive compulsive!
Yee-haw!

274
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,941
One, two, three, four.
Yee-haw!

275
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,187
One, two, three, four.

276
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,484
No nucular plant without a photo.
One, two, three, four.

277
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,534
That's where we left off.
One, two, three, four.

278
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,030
So, without my
beloved nuclear plant,

279
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,241
I have nothing
to live for.

280
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,212
Take me, a barren,
old thistle,

281
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,293
and spare this sweet,
young flower.

282
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,813
My pearl necklace.

283
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,813
I must've lost it and you were
just bringing it back to me?

284
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,772
How did you find this?

285
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,706
The sheep was
no danger at all.

286
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:36,583
I sacflficed my gorgeous
body for nothing.

287
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,539
This must be what it's
like to have a baby.

288
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:42,628
I want a photo of the hero who
risked his life to save me.

289
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,096
A picture of me
with a smiling child.

290
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,147
I can get my plant back!

291
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,103
100 Industrial Way!

292
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,064
Mr. Burns got
his plant back,

293
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:07,072
and I like to think I found a shred
of humanity in his withered soul.

294
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:10,743
Oh, Dad. Did
my story make you cry'?

295
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:14,497
Well, it was very moving.

296
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,455
But the thing is,
bats are chewing my legs!

297
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:28,014
Oh, why did I lead you down here
to find those stupid coins?

298
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:32,010
This wasn't just an innocent family outing?

299
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,393
Homer, you brought us to this
horrible place on purpose?

300
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,314
Oh, you didn't think
it was so horrible

301
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,233
when you were
falling down the hole.

302
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,606
That was the most
horrible part of all!

303
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,484
Well, I guess
I should explain.

304
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,612
Not long ago, it was my day
to take care of the baby.

305
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,160
So I was out in
the forest hiding.

306
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:54,957
Oh, the yellow
gold of Texas is what I wanna save

307
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:59,170
I will not pay no taxes
if I hide it in a cave.

308
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:02,298
I deduced
from his parody lyrics

309
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,922
that he was hiding
gold in the cave.

310
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,972
I figured he'd never
miss two or three pieces,

311
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:13,051
money which we could use
to pay for Bart's operation.

312
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,885
I need an operation?

313
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,392
That's a story
for another day.

314
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,979
I realized I could never find
the gold without your help.

315
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,652
So I made it this
week's family outing.

316
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:27,114
I'll take
that gold if'n you please.

317
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,612
How can you take it?
We haven't found it.

318
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,865
It's right there
behind that rock.

319
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,696
No, to your left.

320
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,701
Texas left,
which is your down.

321
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:44,166
I'll take that gold if'n you please.

322
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,751
Not so fast,
Shady Bird Johnson.

323
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,878
I'll take that gold.

324
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,008
Yeah, you'll take it.

325
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,806
And then you'll give it to me if
you know what's good for you.

326
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,135
You guys have guns?

327
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,639
Well, so do I!

328
00:18:58,846 --> 00:18:59,972
Yo!

329
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,852
Coolest entrance
gets the gold.

330
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,443
Um, is it okay that
I brought my son?

331
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:09,739
This is my day
with him.

332
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,284
Jeremy, there's a boy over
there you can play with.

333
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,533
Do you like Xbox?

334
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,416
Looks like we
got us a Mexican stand-off.

335
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:41,602
If you all don't drop your
guns and behave, no one gets the gold!

336
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,314
And why do you really
want it anyway?

337
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,522
Moe, will the gold
bring back Edna's love?

338
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,981
It could, definitely.

339
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,408
Mr. Burns,
isn't it more important

340
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,236
that you got a child
to smile at you?

341
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,822
Honestly, no.
I'd rather have the gold.

342
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:58,906
Oh, absolutely.

343
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,161
I couldn't agree more.

344
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:05,122
I can see there's only one way to
turn you into human beings again.

345
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:12,216
Lady, I ought to
fill you full of...

346
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:14,638
...gratitude!

347
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,308
That gold was turning us
into monsters.

348
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,728
Well, I know a place where we
can atone for our misdeeds.

349
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:24,853
They're building a youth center in
Shelbyville and totally need volunteers.

350
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,730
Let's go there now.

351
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,144
Yes, let's.

352
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,859
I'll, uh...
I'll catch up with you.

353
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,573
And that's why
I didn't have time

354
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,575
to study for
my geography test.

355
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,406
Bart, do you expect
me to believe that?

356
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,742
That story is
the biggest load of...

357
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,078
Krabappel?
Making out with Moe?

358
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,007
But I thought you didn't
want to date a tavern owner.

359
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,131
At this point, all I want is
a man with a healthy libido.

360
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:56,384
Uh-huh. Well, this is where
it gets awkward again.

361
00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:58,382
Yee-haw!

362
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,969
Moe can't catch a break!
One, two, three, four.

363
00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:04,897
Can't catch a break.
One, two, three, four.

364
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,724
And there's some producers.

365
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,684
One... two, three, four.

366
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,868
Four producers.