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00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,089
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,465
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,093
D’oh!
4
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,219
(screams)
5
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,721
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,391
(beeping)
7
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:18,518
(squeals)
8
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,494
{\an8}This place is looking
a little run-down.
9
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:37,954
{\an8}Yeah, hasn’t
been the same
10
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,956
{\an8}since they murdered
the Mayor’s dad here.
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00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:43,168
(dogs barking)
12
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,630
Ooh, a J.C. Penney’s...
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{\an8}used to be here.
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00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:50,884
{\an8}(groans)
15
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,927
{\an8}Now it’s a collection
of candle kiosks
16
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,763
{\an8}and Persian CD stores.
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00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:55,847
How you doing, bro?
18
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,265
We’ve got the latest by Nabil,
19
00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,392
{\an8}Uma Shang Shang,
The Flower Song!
20
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,186
{\an8}-(Persian music plays)
-♪ Uma shang shang ♪
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{\an8}♪ Uma shang shang,
uma shang shang ♪
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00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,566
{\an8}Is like Bruce Springsteen
the Boss, ya?
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00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,318
{\an8}-I guess.
-If you buy now,
24
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,986
{\an8}I give you, uh,
toothache cream.
25
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,071
{\an8}Toothache cream.
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-Deal!
-We have deal.
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(video games bleeping)
28
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Where’s the beef?
29
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You ain’t so bad.
30
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Where’s the beef?
31
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You ain’t so bad.
32
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,582
Where’s the beef?
33
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You ain’t so bad.
34
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{\an8}These games are so old.
35
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{\an8}Who got these high scores?
Pilgrims?
36
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Hmm, never saw this one before.
37
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{\an8}(coin clinks,
electronic beeping)
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{\an8}What’s going on here?
39
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{\an8}Am I destroying these triangles
or trying to assemble them?
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{\an8}What does this button do?
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(moans):
Now my ship is pooping
more triangles.
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00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,774
{\an8}(electronic chimes)
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{\an8}Oh, no, I won a free game.
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{\an8}(electronic beeping)
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{\an8}Ooh, gummy worms!
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00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,325
{\an8}That candy’s been here
an awfully long time.
47
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,369
{\an8}I’d think twice if I were you.
48
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,330
{\an8}Don’t tell me
how many times to think!
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00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:04,290
(sloshing)
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00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,625
Mmm...
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00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,627
(humming)
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00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,047
You are not bringing
that thing home.
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{\an8}Then stand back.
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{\an8}(chomping)
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This doesn’t taste
like I thought it would.
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{\an8}(continues chomping)
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{\an8}(sighs)
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00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,942
Well, if you’re through,
let’s check out that
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00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,777
discount book warehouse.
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We already own a book.
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MARGE:
Wisconsin From Above.
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Veterans’ Day Parades.
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Ooh, Smiles of Ireland!
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Redheaded twins?
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(groans):
Their mother must have
her hands full.
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00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,254
Hmm.
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00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:56,176
{\an8}Cool, a carpenter’s library.
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{\an8}This doesn’t look easy,
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but I’ll bet it is.
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00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:02,557
{\an8}Well, I like the idea
of you as a handyman.
71
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,101
{\an8}And I love the idea
of you reading.
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00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,145
{\an8}Oh, yeah?
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{\an8}Blah, blah, blah, blah.
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00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,690
{\an8}Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah...
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00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,150
{\an8}(gasps):
Ooh.
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00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:14,235
{\an8}-Oh!
-Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
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00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,362
{\an8}-(excited moans)
-Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah...
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00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:17,739
{\an8}Okay, now you do me.
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00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,074
I never want
to go back to that mall.
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00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,826
There were eels
in the photo booth.
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00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,455
Eww!
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00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,333
Bart, here’s a letter
from your school.
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00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,877
A fire? I didn’t start a fire
in the teachers’ lounge.
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00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,545
I mean, what fire?
85
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,506
I mean, a letter from school?
Please elaborate.
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00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,175
Someone at your school
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00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,302
has a life-threatening
peanut allergy.
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Cool! Who is it?
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00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:42,555
The letter doesn’t say.
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00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,557
But from now on,
no peanut products
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00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,601
are allowed on
school property.
92
00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:47,810
Hmm, let’s see
what you’ve got.
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00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,896
Peanut butter
and jelly sandwich,
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00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:52,023
trail mix, starring peanuts.
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00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,234
Good grief, more peanuts!
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00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,152
(groans)
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(engines revving)
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00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,992
NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Harley
Mozell is hit from behind
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00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,535
by J.T. Delacroix!
100
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,329
And Earl Tilleson!
101
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,081
Oh, and Buddy Rollette!
102
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,415
And the Pecker Brothers,
103
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,542
Danny and Dell!
104
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:14,128
And the ol’ Grizzly himself--
Weasel Johnson Junior!
105
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,755
Look at that carnage.
106
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,715
We are worse
than the ancient Romans!
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00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:18,800
(tires screech, crash)
108
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,343
Homie, don’t you want
to build something
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00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,136
with your new
fix-it books?
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I did. I made
a foot rest.
111
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,600
Oh, don’t you have any
follow-through on anything?
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What’s the point?
We’re all slowly dying.
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(disgruntled groan)
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(creaking, lamp breaks)
115
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Oh, the floorboard
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broke my nightstand.
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Hmm...
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(humming)
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I did it!
120
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,125
What’s that strange feeling?
121
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,711
(gasps):
It’s "of accomplishment"!
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(birds chirping)
123
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,642
Wow, Mom, you
made all this?
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00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,436
It’s like you’re
the Jesus of carpentry.
125
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,439
Aww, what a sweet
blasphemy.
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This is a
valuable skill.
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People might even pay you
to build things for them.
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00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,446
I could start my own
carpentry business.
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I’m already arranging
the clip art
130
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,866
for the letterhead
in my mind.
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00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,786
(fanfare)
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Perfect!
133
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,247
(knocking)
134
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Can I help you, Miss?
135
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,543
I’m here to fix
your bookcase.
136
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:36,919
You answered my flyer.
137
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,796
Hmm, yeah.
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00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,840
-And you’re the carpenter?
-That’s right.
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00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,801
I see. Not that I have anything
against female carpenters,
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00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,511
but I have some pictures hanging
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00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,056
that you might find,
um... unsavory.
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00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,265
Goodbye.
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00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,851
A lady carpenter?
144
00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,227
I don’t know.
145
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,354
What if you get pregnant
146
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and I’m left
with half a hot tub?
147
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,441
And don’t tell me
you’re infertile.
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00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,151
I ain’t falling
for that again.
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00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:01,361
(groans)
150
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,906
It’s so unfair.
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00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,949
I’m as handy
as any man.
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00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,618
You sure are, sweetie.
153
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,036
I love this bed you made.
154
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,457
I guess people just
expect their carpenter
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00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,460
to be some fat guy
with his butt crack showing.
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00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:18,795
(snoring)
157
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,838
(suspenseful music plays)
158
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,719
Homer, your butt
just gave me
159
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,554
a brilliant idea!
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00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:29,597
Yep, it’ll do that.
161
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,852
"Simpsons Manly-Man Handyman"
at your service.
162
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,437
Ah, superlative!
163
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,439
Please install a doggie door
164
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,650
sized for a teacup poodle.
165
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,819
No problem.
166
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,863
Why don’t you go inside
and stir your Flubber
167
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,407
while I get to work?
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00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,119
Marge, the coast is clear.
169
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,705
(hums softly)
170
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:55,915
(gasps)
171
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,043
I’m terribly sorry.
I thought I heard
172
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,169
the sound of a
woman measuring.
173
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,338
Oh, uh, that was me.
174
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,881
You know that old saying:
175
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,592
"Measure like a girl,
hammer like a guy."
176
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,095
Yes, but you’re holding
your hammer backwards.
177
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,888
Oh, uh... you know
what they say,
178
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,432
"Hammer with the wood,
and it’s all good."
179
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,684
It’s all good.
180
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,644
All right, then.
(grunts)
181
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,653
(humming)
182
00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:26,863
A dash of glue,
183
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,240
a turn of screw,
184
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:32,994
and a gazebo’s built that’s
perfect for two...
185
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,078
or more.
186
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:37,623
Uh-oh! Switch!
187
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,500
Eh... eh... eh!
188
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,085
And... done!
189
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,253
Mm-mmm!
190
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,130
Simpson, you’re
a master craftsman.
191
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,132
Listen,
what would you say
192
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:49,093
if I told you a woman
did most of the work?
193
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,013
I’d have this gazebo torn down
and built into a coffin...
194
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,848
-for your manhood.
-(shrieks)
195
00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:56,809
Why did my hypothetical
scenario scare you so?
196
00:07:56,893 --> 00:08:01,439
Uh, like all manly men,
I have a vivid imagination.
197
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,690
Well said.
198
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,108
Let’s take off our shirts
and wrestle.
199
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,278
(both grunting)
200
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,616
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Okay,
201
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:13,451
give me all your peanuts,
202
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,995
Goobers, and Fluffer Nutters.
203
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:19,207
Oh, why should we have
to give up our salty snacks
204
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,459
just to keep one allergic kid
from exploding?
205
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,377
Who is this selfish jerk
anyway?
206
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,421
It’s not me--I swear.
207
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,008
I’m only allergic to honey,
wheat, dairy, non-dairy,
208
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,593
and my own tears.
209
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,303
(sobs)
210
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,387
Oh, no.
211
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,431
Call my allergist...
212
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,974
and my optometrist.
213
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,017
(all laughing)
214
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,562
Willie, you can tell me.
215
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,190
Who’s the mystery wuss
who can’t eat peanuts?
216
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,900
I’ll never say his name.
217
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:47,068
"His," eh?
218
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,362
Hmm, so it’s a dude.
219
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,531
Who says it’s a dude?
220
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,825
A principal can be a man
or a woman these days.
221
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,202
Hmm.
222
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,040
I’ve taken all the
peanut products.
223
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:02,959
Just like the English
took our sheep
224
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,711
and our women in 1291.
225
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,798
Then, they sent them back,
which was worse!
226
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,717
Yes, yes,
every day we go through this.
227
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,928
Why don’t you
just incinerate the contraband?
228
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:17,056
Will do, but first,
Willie gets his gob-full.
229
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,686
Careful
with those peanut crumbs!
230
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:23,521
My allergy is so sensitive,
a single molecule
231
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:26,274
would make my throat close
like a museum at 4:45.
232
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,275
(gasps)
233
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,280
Hello, Marge.
234
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,949
Picking up supplies
for Handy Homer?
235
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,618
It must feel good to know
that you’re "helping."
236
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,745
Oh, I help more than
you might think.
237
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,497
Sure you do.
238
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,291
You provide food
and sexual release
239
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,542
for your handy husband.
240
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:45,543
(grunts angrily)
241
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:46,627
Looks like
you broke something.
242
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,628
Better call Homer!
243
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,130
(both laughing)
244
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,257
(groans)
245
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:56,387
Of course I can make a credenza,
whatever that is.
246
00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:00,141
Just give all the details
to my secretary Shirley.
247
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,309
This is Shirley.
248
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:02,643
Yes, fine,
he’ll be there tomorrow.
249
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,270
Goodbye.
250
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,314
That Shirley
is quite a gal.
251
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,941
-We should fix her up
with Barney.
-Homie...
252
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,153
I think you’re taking a little
too much credit for my work.
253
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,529
I mean, look at
your t-shirt!
254
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:19,035
Marge, giving me credit
was your idea.
255
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,078
Now, could you
rub my butt?
256
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,331
I sat on it so much
it’s a little sore.
257
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,457
Oh...!
258
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,375
Look, I’m sorry
you’re upset,
259
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,002
but if we tell the truth now,
260
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,130
I’ll be humiliated
in front of the whole town.
261
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:33,174
Then you won’t be married
to a man.
262
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:36,344
You’ll be married
to some kind of gay jellyfish
263
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,054
floating
outside the Florida Keys,
264
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,473
cruising for rich snorkelers.
265
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,016
You don’t want that.
266
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,810
I guess I don’t.
267
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,020
(sighs)
268
00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:55,404
Bart, Skinner’s going
to be really mad at you.
269
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:59,200
Yes, you might say
he’ll "blow up."
270
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,077
(laughs evilly)
271
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,078
Whatever.
272
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,330
I’ve got some paper
to mâché.
273
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,331
(grunts)
274
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,417
Simpson!
275
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,169
Report to
detention at once.
276
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:13,005
Ah, I’m not a big fan
of detention.
277
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,341
You might say
it drives me nuts.
278
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,384
(gasps)
279
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,761
My allergen.
280
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:22,056
♪ Beat on the brat,
beat on the brat ♪
281
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,642
♪ Beat on the brat
with a baseball bat ♪
282
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,812
♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh-oh ♪
283
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:34,777
♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh-oh... ♪
284
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,904
"I’m a cootie eater.
285
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,030
I’ve been one all my life.
286
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,824
I like the cooties so much,
287
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:40,908
I have a cootie wife."
288
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,413
(groans)
289
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,582
Why does Lenny need
a windmill, anyway?
290
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,668
Ah, he wants
to grind his own corn.
291
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,461
Maybe it’ll finally shut him up
292
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,630
about the high price
of cornmeal.
293
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,090
Oh, switch.
294
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:59,218
(grumbling):
Oh, yeah,
switch, switch, switch.
295
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,678
Wow, great
job, Homer.
296
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:03,889
Yeah, and to think you
built this whole thing
with your own two hands.
297
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,684
Who do you think would help me,
my wife?
298
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:07,810
Your wife?
299
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,437
(scoffs)
Give me a break.
300
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,856
The only thing women can
build is credit card debt.
301
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,190
(both laughing)
302
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,650
Credit card debt.
303
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,318
(muffled yelling)
304
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,404
Homer, did you leave a power
drill on in your toolbox?
305
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,780
It’s making
this horrible noise.
306
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,073
Yeah, I hear it, too.
307
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,576
Maybe we can cover it up
by singing a fun song.
308
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:26,579
♪ We will, we will rock you ♪
309
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,747
(banging)
310
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,540
(banging to the beat)
311
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,835
♪ We will, we will rock you ♪
312
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,212
-(banging)
-(yelling continues)
313
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,465
♪ Buddy, you’re the boy
make a big noise ♪
314
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,050
♪ Playin’ in the street
gonna be a big man some day... ♪
315
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:45,431
I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
I’m sorry, infinity.
316
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,142
I never expected them
to climb on the cabinet
317
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,144
and ride it down the
biggest hill in town.
318
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,771
(groans)
319
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:55,316
Homer, it’s time
people knew the truth.
320
00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:56,358
I’m doing the work
321
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,277
and I want the credit.
322
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,780
Look, I understand
that you’re mad.
323
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,114
Which makes now
the perfect time
324
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,200
to tell you the mayor’s
hired us to fix
325
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,701
the old Springfield
roller coaster.
326
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:09,330
(dramatic music)
327
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:12,583
By the way, nice job installing
this wall-chart bracket.
328
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,211
(loud whisper):
If the kids ask,
I did it.
329
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,254
(groans)
You’re gonna
have to fix
330
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:20,257
that roller coaster
yourself, ’cause I quit,
331
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,260
and I’m taking this with me!
332
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,263
(groaning)
333
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,682
Darn these countersunk
molly clamps.
334
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,103
(cats screeching)
335
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,522
This is not going
to end well.
336
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:41,695
Now, as I see it, the problem
with this roller coaster
337
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,573
is there are too many
boring going-up parts.
338
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,785
We need to replace them
with kick-ass going-down parts.
339
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:48,786
(men murmuring)
340
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,704
Oh, yeah,
going-down parts.
341
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,957
Uh, Mr. Simpson, shouldn’t we
begin by securing the struts?
342
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,708
Hmm...
343
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,878
Let me mull that over.
344
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,714
(Homer sobbing loudly)
345
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,424
What are struts?!
346
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,844
(wailing): Oh...
347
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,055
(sobbing):
Oh, I don’t know
348
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,890
anything about struts.
349
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:13,269
This guy’s all
bubble and no level.
350
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,021
So what? He’s paying
us 50 grand.
351
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,232
HOMER (sobbing):
And I promised these guys
money I don’t have!
352
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,443
And they’re gonna be so mad!
353
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,612
(sobbing loudly)
354
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,698
Ah, let’s go home.
355
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,243
Maybe I can sneak home
356
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,036
without them seeing me.
357
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,038
(grunting)
358
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,251
(screaming)
359
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,129
(sobbing loudly)
360
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,216
(sloshing)
361
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,096
(British accent):
Are you ready to be
lightly assaulted?
362
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:49,930
(laughs maniacally)
363
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:50,848
(bats squeaking)
364
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,059
(screaming)
365
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,144
(groans): Oh.
366
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,562
Mm.
367
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,023
(sing-song):
Good morning.
368
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,274
(groans)
369
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:01,901
I brought you breakfast in bed.
370
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,152
Ugh!
371
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,446
Eat it.
372
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,871
(clears throat)
Excuse me.
373
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,789
I’m supposed to stand
in your store window
374
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,083
and breast-feed
Bilbo Baggins.
375
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,003
Your cowering suggests that
Bart has found your kryptonite.
376
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,212
Kryptonite?
What’s that?
377
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,256
The "ite" suffix
suggests a mineral.
378
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,842
I do not know whether to laugh
or cry at your ignorance.
379
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,427
I shall laugh. Ha-ha!
380
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,388
Kryptonite is Superman’s
greatest weakness.
381
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:34,725
Wait, maybe Bart
has a kryptonite!
382
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,143
Perhaps.
383
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,395
But for now, you may
suckle your Baggins.
384
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,158
(muffled):
I’ve got you now, Bart.
385
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,787
Mm-hmm.
386
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:55,746
(groans): Hmm.
387
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:04,421
(making siren noises)
388
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,799
(sobbing)
389
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,425
(making siren noises)
390
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,135
Dad, here’s
a thought:
391
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,389
If you just gave Mom credit,
maybe she could help you.
392
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,224
Sweetie, you
don’t understand.
393
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,309
If I can do this myself,
394
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,812
then all those lies
I told will be true.
395
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,523
Don’t you want
Daddy’s lies to be true?
396
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,025
I’d like a daddy who lived
in the real world.
397
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,027
To Daddy,
the real world
398
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:30,280
gets fainter and fainter
every day.
399
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,198
(groans)
400
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:33,117
Good morning, Seymour.
401
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,743
You may be wondering
402
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,079
what I’m doing with
this hat full of maggots.
403
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,539
Actually, I’m not
wondering at all.
404
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,629
Simpson, you’ve been
waving your nuts in
my face for too long.
405
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,047
Eat shrimp and die!
406
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,383
No! I’m allergic!
407
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,093
Stick-on-stick.
408
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,302
Just like the
knights of old.
409
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,680
No one teaches me history!
410
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,890
(dramatic music playing)
411
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,409
♪♪
412
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,549
♪♪
413
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,226
-Peanut?!
-Shrimp?!
414
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,191
Either of us falls
in, we’re doomed!
415
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:49,401
Kids don’t die!
416
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:53,697
(both screaming)
417
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,825
I... was... El Barto.
418
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,203
No...!
419
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,914
(applause)
420
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,459
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
honored guests
421
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:08,003
and out-of-town
roller coaster weirdoes.
422
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,922
(ascending gasp)
423
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,757
(screaming)
424
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,051
Your father’s finally
gonna get exposed
425
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,053
as the credit-
stealing fraud he is!
426
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,519
(sighs)
Perfect.
427
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,939
I give you...
the Zoominator!
428
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:28,357
ALL: Ooh...
429
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,027
And now to get stinking drunk!
430
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,655
(loud creaking and rumbling)
431
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,618
(crowd gasping and shouting)
432
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,411
I’m not getting
married on that!
433
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,871
You won’t get married
on Colossus,
434
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,706
you won’t get married
on The Zoominator,
435
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,792
you won’t get married
on The Pharaoh’s Curse.
436
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,669
Just say it-- it’s me!
437
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:49,711
Oh, no, baby, no!
438
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:50,754
Dad!
439
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,258
Put aside your selfish male ego
440
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:55,759
and tell the truth!
441
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,428
Sure, I’ll tell them the truth.
442
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,097
The truth is...
443
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,892
that I’m perfect and everything
I touch is perfect!
444
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,310
Whoo-hoo!
445
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,104
Oh, my God,
he’ll kill himself!
446
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:08,355
(gasps)
447
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:11,191
He’ll never hear me say,
"I told you so!"
448
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,027
I never felt safer!
449
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,490
(whimpering)
450
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:22,244
Uh-oh.
451
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,163
Oh, why must we preserve
452
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,248
America’s historic
roller coasters?
453
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,167
(whimpers)
454
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,084
(screams)
455
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,716
(Homer screams)
456
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,596
(Homer screams)
457
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,349
(both scream)
458
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:45,684
Thank you, honey!
459
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:46,977
Everyone!
460
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,897
(voice wavering):
My stupid male pride
made me lie to you.
461
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,608
Everything I claimed... I did
462
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,818
was actually built by Marge!
463
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,320
ALL: Aw...
464
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,784
Homer, I was
pretty upset with you,
465
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,205
but in the
end, I... I...
466
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,748
-I-beam!
-(crowd gasps)
467
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,007
HOMER:
Avenge... me.
468
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,553
(sighs)
469
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,639
Marge, I realized something
470
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,682
when I was trapped
under all that rubble:
471
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,852
Marriage is the real
roller coaster.
472
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,521
I’m just glad I have
you as my safety bar.
473
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:34,191
Oh, I forgive you,
my darling.
474
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,817
Get well.
475
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,528
As for you,
young man,
476
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,073
the next time you
save your principal,
477
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,116
try not to risk
your own life.
478
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,661
What kind of lies
are you feeding her, Simpson?
479
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,537
Mind your own beeswax!
480
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:48,622
(grunts)
481
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:49,957
(dramatic music playing)
482
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,583
-(grunts)
-Ow!
483
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:52,542
(both grunting)
484
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:55,379
Ow.
485
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:56,588
(sighs)
486
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,465
I’m gonna go look
at the new babies.
487
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,470
(grunting continues)
488
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:05,347
♪♪
489
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,974
(gagging and coughing)
490
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:09,476
{\an8}♪♪
491
00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:11,979
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
492
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:54,604
Shh!
493
00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,776
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem