1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,339
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,424
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,093
D’oh!
4
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,678
(screams)
5
00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:12,804
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,889
(clicking)
7
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,447
{\an8}-(alarm rings)
-(Homer groans)
8
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,200
{\an8}(yawns)
9
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:35,368
{\an8}Hmm.
10
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:38,121
{\an8}I must be supposed
to remember something.
11
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,497
{\an8}Huh?
12
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,710
{\an8}Huh. Hmm.
13
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:46,212
{\an8}Come on, memory, wake up.
14
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,506
{\an8}(grunting)
15
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,883
{\an8}Is it our anniversary?
16
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,176
{\an8}No, we don’t have
one this year.
17
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,177
{\an8}Hmm.
18
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,514
{\an8}Hm-hmm...
19
00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,851
{\an8}(coughs)
20
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,311
{\an8}Don’t forge?
21
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,229
{\an8}Don’t forge what?
22
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,065
{\an8}(coughs)
23
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,442
{\an8}-Oh... don’t forget.
-(giggles)
24
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:08,693
{\an8}Don’t forget what?
25
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,487
{\an8}Hustle your
bustles, gang.
26
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,490
{\an8}We’re going to the Senior
Olympics to root for Grampa.
27
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,533
{\an8}The Senior Olympics?
28
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,078
{\an8}That’s what I was supposed
to remember?!
29
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,454
{\an8}(groaning):
Oh...
30
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,039
Don’t you dare go limp.
31
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{\an8}Too late. The deed is done.
32
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,918
{\an8}Kids, grab a fold.
33
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:28,088
(Bart, Lisa,
and Marge grunting)
34
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,430
{\an8}(door shuts, telephone rings)
35
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,807
{\an8}MOE (on answering machine):
Oh, hey, Homer.
36
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,726
{\an8}Uh, I hope you didn’t forget
that today’s our big day.
37
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,729
{\an8}I sure am looking forward
to my birthday fishing trip.
38
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{\an8}(chuckles)
Well, I’ll see you soon.
39
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,608
{\an8}This is Moe, big day.
40
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:52,153
Uh... waiting,
feeling, uh, kind of fragile.
41
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:55,740
Moe, the birthday boy,
listening for your car.
42
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{\an8}(sobbing)
43
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(tired moaning)
44
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{\an8}I can finally win
a gold medal.
45
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:06,668
{\an8}I came close
at the 1936 Olympics.
46
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,753
{\an8}♪♪
47
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,511
{\an8}I threw a javelin
that barely missed Hitler.
48
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:23,309
{\an8}But I did hit an assassin
who was trying to kill Hitler.
49
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,936
{\an8}What is this?
Kill Hitler Day?
50
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,438
{\an8}The next time I saw Hitler,
51
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,315
{\an8}we had dinner
and laughed about it.
52
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,777
{\an8}♪♪
53
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{\an8}What’s with the lined
composition book?
54
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,968
{\an8}My report on a "Fascinating
Springfielder" is due Monday,
55
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,762
{\an8}and everybody I’ve tried
to interview is so boring.
56
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,931
{\an8}(Marge groans)
57
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,308
{\an8}You could interview me.
58
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,976
{\an8}I collect
Absolut ads.
59
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,394
{\an8}How many others
do you have?
60
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,313
{\an8}(gasps)
There are others?
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00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,650
{\an8}HOMER:
This guy sucks.
62
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,069
{\an8}He can barely make it
to the top.
63
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:20,533
{\an8}("Rocky the Flying Squirrel"
theme music playing)
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(applause)
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{\an8}(groans)
72 lousy events
66
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,797
{\an8}and Grampa hasn’t won
a single medal.
67
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:35,965
{\an8}Well, it’s not fair
68
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,051
{\an8}when Moleman uses
his replacement legs.
69
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,096
(chuckles)
70
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,389
{\an8}On your mark!
71
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,853
(grunting)
72
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,688
Oh...
73
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,109
Oh, it’s clouding up.
74
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,820
{\an8}I better
put on me rain poncho.
75
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:58,988
{\an8}(wheezing)
76
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,077
{\an8}Sir!
77
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,954
{\an8}You dropped your munchers!
78
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,497
{\an8}(yells, frightened)
79
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,831
{\an8}(yelling in Scottish)
80
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,171
{\an8}You’ll never take me alive,
Grim Reaper!
81
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,966
(grunting)
82
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,802
(applause)
83
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,095
Yay, Grampa.
84
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,724
Take the boy.
His soul is fresher.
85
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,020
{\an8}(sniffs)
I’ve never been happier.
86
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:35,024
{\an8}("Star-Spangled Banner"
plays)
87
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,568
{\an8}Turn that hippie crap off!
88
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,699
I wonder if the dog thought
about us while we were gone.
89
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,617
(sad music plays)
90
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:49,956
(gasps) Oh... I was supposed
to take Moe fishing today.
91
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,165
Everybody hide!
92
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,294
Finally,
that jerk Homer is home.
93
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,588
(tires screeching)
94
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,882
Oh, it’s just his car.
95
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:05,263
MOE:
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
96
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,890
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
97
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:11,102
♪ I feel so damn lonely ♪
98
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,354
♪ Won’t someone kill me... ♪
99
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:17,317
(sobbing)
100
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,695
♪ And many more. ♪
101
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,330
Homer, we can’t scuttle
like crabs
102
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,831
for the rest
of our lives.
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Says you.
104
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:37,503
♪♪
105
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,464
(dinging)
106
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,225
(moaning)
107
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,521
"Dear Pus Bag"?
108
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,232
Whoa, Marge, who’d
you piss off?
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It’s for you, Pus Bag!
110
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(groans sadly)
111
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:03,029
MOE: Birthdays never meant
squat to me.
112
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,280
Then you offered
to take me fishing,
113
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,115
and like a stumblebum chump,
114
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I dared to hope.
115
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,743
But you shattered my dreams
116
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like a Duff tall boy
in a bar brawl,
117
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:14,332
and you jammed the jagged neck
right up my heart’s butt.
118
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,666
I guess I just wasn’t meant
119
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:19,379
to be happy or handsome
or anything, really.
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(sighs)
What a deep, tormented soul.
121
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,094
(gasps)
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DRIVER:
Loser!
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(sighs)
124
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(sighs louder)
125
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(thunder)
126
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(sighs)
127
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,146
LISA: Moe!
128
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:41,067
You have a worldview
both bleak and beautiful.
129
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,319
I want to write a report
about you.
130
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,154
Wow, for the first time
in my life,
131
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,739
someone’s taking
a genuine interest
132
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:47,990
in what’s inside of me.
133
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,493
Heh, suddenly, this is
my best birthday ever.
134
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,541
Still in the top three.
135
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,006
Still in the top ten.
136
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:11,305
How come you wanna
do a report on me?
137
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:14,934
I ain’t no great man, like
Bob Seger or Haystacks Calhoun.
138
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:18,521
Because I suspect deep
within you is an artist’s soul.
139
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,481
Thanks.
So here’s my digs.
140
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,320
Moe, you live in a hotel?
141
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,489
You’re just like "Eloise"!
142
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,992
Did someone say my name?
143
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,203
This vibrating massage
chair feels great!
144
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,165
That ain’t a massage chair.
It’s just full of cockroaches.
145
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,958
See?
146
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,794
LISA: Hmm...
147
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,546
Wow!
148
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,716
Moe, these fragments
are fascinating.
149
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,427
"I was in the Christmas
pageant once.
150
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,554
Mom showed up
with a new boyfriend.
151
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,806
He called me Steve."
152
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:57,226
Oh... what you’ve got here
is poetry!
153
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,896
(high-pitched voice):
Ooh, Moe’s a poet!
154
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,064
He has a soul!
155
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,774
Flutter your wings!
156
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,652
It’s teatime in
Buttercup Junction!
157
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,279
♪ Dee-dee-dee... ♪
(yells)
158
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,323
(groaning)
159
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,492
Moe’s the Princess
of Lollipop Land!
160
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,701
-(groaning)
-(cat meows)
161
00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:16,579
He lunches
on lavender and potpourri!
162
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:17,580
(yells)
163
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:18,873
(clattering)
164
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,459
Seriously, Moe,
I think you have a gift.
165
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:24,295
Thanks, Homer.
I love ya, man.
166
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,714
Ooh, you love a man!
167
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:33,513
You know, artfully arranged,
these fragments could be
168
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,892
an epic poem-- like T.S.
Eliot’s "The Wasteland."
169
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,435
What-which why-liot’s
the who-now?
170
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,107
Whoa!
171
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,027
My brain-goo’s comin’ out all
artistical, thanks to you.
172
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:49,362
How ’bout this
for a title:
173
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,156
"Howling at a Concrete Moon."
174
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,033
That’s a terrific title!
175
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,410
It jumps out at you like a rat
in your underwear drawer.
176
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,788
We make a great
team there, Liser.
177
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,207
(sheepish chuckling)
178
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,335
"...my soul smells like a dead
pigeon after three weeks.
179
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,671
I shut my window
and go to sleep.
180
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:09,257
In my dream I eat corn
with my eyes."
181
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:15,638
Philistines.
182
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,518
Lisa, I’m sorry you
got a bad grade on
your "Moe and tell."
183
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:22,395
I don’t care about my grade.
184
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:25,815
I’m gonna send Moe’s poem to
American Poetry Perspectives.
185
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,276
Do not mention that
publication in this house!
186
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,028
They never published
my poem!
187
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,863
"There once was
a rapping tomato
188
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,991
That’s right,
I said ’rapping tomato’
189
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,410
He rapped all day
from April to May
190
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,745
And also, guess what,
it was me."
191
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:40,913
(grunts)
192
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,921
Hey, Chief, we just
got a submission
193
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,631
from a brilliant poet
no one’s ever heard of!
194
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,467
(grunting)
195
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,136
Hmm!
Genius!
196
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:56,887
Pay him nothing,
and run it on the cover!
197
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:58,514
Stop the presses!
Send my wife some flowers!
198
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,600
And bring me an Advil!
What do you mean
you don’t work for me?!
199
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,767
You’re hired!
Now that you’re hired,
you’re fired!
200
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,144
Now that you don’t work here,
we can be friends.
201
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,729
Now that we’re friends,
how come you never call?
202
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,564
Some friend you are!
God, I love this business.
203
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,565
Here it is.
204
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,444
Bad news, Maya Angelou:
you’ve been bumped.
205
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:14,572
(indistinct yelling)
...you can’t bump me...
...bump you!
206
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:18,242
(indistinct yelling)
207
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,412
Moe,
you’re a published author!
208
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,414
Wow, Just think:
earlier tonight,
209
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,334
a newly-published poet
cleaned up my barf.
210
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:27,585
(phone rings)
211
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,378
Moe’s Tavern.
Who?
212
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,464
Where?
To what?
213
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,132
Screw you, snail trail!
214
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,550
Who was that?
215
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,469
Eh, some jerk makin’
a prank call
216
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,262
with a gag name:
"Tom Wolfe."
217
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,847
Tom Wolfe?!
218
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:44,060
He wrote The Right Stuff
and Bonfire of the Vanities.
219
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:47,730
And coined the phrase
"radical chic!" (groans)
220
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,274
Wait, wait, wait. Then that
guy wasn’t squeezin’ my ’roids
221
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,361
when he invited me to the
Wordloaf Festival in Vermont?
222
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,905
(gasps)
The Wordloaf Festival?!
223
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,282
You’ll meet all the great
American writers, Moe!
224
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,784
You have to go!
225
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,912
Yeah? Well, okay, all right,
but uh... only if you come, huh?
226
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,414
Ah, I wouldn’t-a had none
of this without you, kid.
227
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,209
(phone rings)
228
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:10,086
Hello.
Oh, hey, Milhouse.
229
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,003
I’m not here.
230
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:18,344
Ah, a family trip with
the family bartender--
what could be better?
231
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,263
How’s it goin’, Homer?
232
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,932
Oh, lousy.
233
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:26,018
I gotta go to Vermont
for some stupid poetry thing.
234
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,688
Homer, don’t
drink and drive!
235
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,066
Fine.
I’ll drive between sips.
236
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,109
(tires screech)
237
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,111
(tires screech)
238
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,698
(tires screech)
239
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,199
(slurps)
240
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,158
(tires screech)
241
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,410
(slurps)
242
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:51,252
(tires screech, slurps)
243
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:53,713
Whoop!
244
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,756
They got an open bar
at this thing, right?
245
00:11:55,840 --> 00:12:00,010
Wow. Troopers from every state
in New England.
246
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,846
Including Rhode Island!
247
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,390
We’re a small state,
but we give big tickets.
248
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:06,058
Hey, guys, didja hear?
249
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,352
The Da Vinci Code just sold
one hundred million copies!
250
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,353
(groaning)
251
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,397
(chuckles)
252
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,815
(elegant music plays)
253
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,567
(gasps):
It’s Tom Wolfe!
254
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,776
He uses more
exclamation points
255
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,529
than any other major
American writer.
256
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:19,989
It’s true!
257
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,741
How ya doin’ there?
Uh, Moe Szyslak.
258
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,368
Ah, magnificent Moe.
259
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,412
He stands, stoop-shouldered,
260
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:28,164
blinking in the light,
261
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,291
hollow-chested like
a dough-faced fall guy
262
00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:33,043
who’s made a career of taking
dives but has decided
263
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:36,005
to get his manhood out of hock
and take a shot at the title--
264
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,883
or at least go for
the jaw and-- thwack--
265
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,885
hyperextend the
champ’s pterygoideus
266
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,637
before kissing
the mat good night.
267
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,433
MOE:
You ever scrub your hands
268
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,643
real fast, and you think
you’re seein’ a third one?
269
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,313
One time I looked down
and there really was.
270
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,732
I gotta get a new lock
for that bathroom.
271
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,192
(all laughing)
272
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,696
Moe, your debut poem
is as refreshing
273
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,491
as a second pair of
socks on a wet hike.
274
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:07,119
I must know how you came up
with that brilliant title,
275
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,829
"Howling at a Concrete Moon."
276
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,958
Uh, well actually, I had
some help on the title...
277
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:13,959
(all gasping)
278
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,047
You needed help
to write your title?
279
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,257
Well, so have I,
Gore Vidal.
280
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,928
1876 was the price
I paid for gas once.
281
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,513
I thought of Burr
282
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:28,098
when I saw it written
on an Eskimo Pie package.
283
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,558
I can’t believe it!
284
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,811
Those sound like
terrible jokes!
285
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:35,314
Sir, I must ask you to
pick up your gift bag
and leave this festival.
286
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,983
I don’t need
your sycophantic laughter!
287
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,027
I have some on tape.
288
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,488
(sycophantic laughter)
289
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:48,786
You still love me,
Temple University Class
of 1987.
290
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:54,208
So Moe, you were telling us
how you came up with your title.
291
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,168
Yeah, well, I-I was just saying
that um...
292
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,297
...that I, uh, I thought it up
all by myself.
293
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,423
(gasps)
294
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,969
Ah, like a real writer.
Outstanding, Moe!
295
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,595
To the hayride!
296
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:07,805
(all cheering)
297
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,140
♪ Let’s get it started ♪
298
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:14,103
♪ Let’s get it started in here,
let’s get it started... ♪
299
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,104
(resounding clang)
300
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:18,274
But we were a team!
301
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,441
(cheering and laughter)
302
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,777
(sobbing)
303
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,737
-♪ Let’s get it started... ♪
-(laughing continues)
304
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,911
{\an8}I’d like
to introduce our panel:
305
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,248
{\an8}Jonathan Franzen,
Michael Chabon, and Moe.
306
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,584
{\an8}Whoa, clear water.
307
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,960
Swanky! Whoo-hoo.
308
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,295
Now we’ll open the floor
309
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,922
to fawning praise
and obvious questions.
310
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,591
(Lisa grunting)
311
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,134
Uh, yeah, first of all,
312
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,844
I’d like to thank all of you
for your brilliant work.
313
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,387
(applause)
314
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,264
Yes, yes.
315
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,475
My question is, who are
your biggest influences?
316
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,562
I’d have to say
my good friend Jonathan Franzen.
317
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,523
I thought his novel
The Corrections needed none.
318
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,151
Cha-bone...!
319
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,987
Well, in turn, I’d have to say
my biggest influence is...
320
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,488
Albert Camus.
321
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,532
You were supposed
to say me.
322
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:09,408
I blurbed you.
323
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,077
Yeah, and it looks
real sweet on my dust jacket.
324
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,579
How do you like me now?
325
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:16,290
Fran-zone...!
326
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,250
Moe, who inspired you
to become a writer?
327
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,461
Jack Kerouac?
Charles Bukowski?
328
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:21,962
Me, Tom Wolfe?
329
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,756
Well, I dunno, uh...
the only book I ever read
330
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:27,134
was Super Hounds: The Ultimate
Greyhound Betting System.
331
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:29,970
So, uh, any of you, uh,
Wet-Naps write that?
332
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,349
(laughter)
333
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,643
Mr. Szyslak, there
must be some person,
334
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,811
possibly in this very room,
335
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,397
who believed in you
when no one else did.
336
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:43,108
Oh, uh, yeah,
I get what you’re gettin’ at.
337
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,027
Um... nope.
338
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,403
But how can you...?
339
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,405
Now, now, he’s answered
your question.
340
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,950
I declare this panel
dismissed.
341
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,660
-(bangs gavel)
-But I deserve acknowledgement.
342
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,287
-(bangs gavel)
-I said dismissed.
343
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,874
Lisa, grab your
sightseeing shoes.
344
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,918
We’re going Vermonting.
345
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,711
It’s gonna be awesome.
346
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,714
Man, couples in this state
sure like to clink glasses.
347
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:06,882
(sighs sadly)
348
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,759
You guys go ahead.
349
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,095
I don’t think
I’d be very good company.
350
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,972
Hey, thanks
for the heads up.
351
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,015
We’ll see you
when we see you.
(sighs)
352
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,146
I love these
covered bridges.
353
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,524
It’s like driving through
cute little houses.
354
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:26,360
That was my house,
you moron.
355
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,154
Oh, I’m sorry.
356
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,448
We should exchange
insurance information.
357
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,908
I have none.
358
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,165
(geese honking)
359
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,879
(grunting)
360
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,464
No food for you
grad students
361
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,758
till you grade
3,000 papers.
362
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,094
(yelling)
363
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,595
Hey, hey,
there you are.
364
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,264
I’ve been
lookin’ for ya.
365
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,058
I need a brilliant new poem
for the farewell dinner.
366
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,144
So if you could turn
these into one of those
367
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,688
and then don’t say nothin’
while I take all the credit,
368
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:05,190
I’d really appreciate it,
though I’d never admit that.
369
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,734
And, look, I got you started.
370
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,068
Huh? Huh?
371
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:11,780
Moe, you’re a heartless jerk.
372
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,949
Huh? Whoa,
where did that come from?
373
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,285
Oh, right, right, my actions.
374
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,912
Well, let’s see if I can put
this poem together.
375
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,457
Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
376
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,583
Hah!
377
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,461
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:28,797
Hey, st-stupid geese,
you’re eatin’ my brilliance.
379
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,383
-(geese squawking)
-Hey, hey,
I will break your beak.
380
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,635
What... Get... Hey...
Look at me.
381
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,554
It’s supposed to be
my big triumph,
382
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,182
and I’m standing in mud,
fightin’ with geese.
383
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:41,185
Well, if I’m gonna fight,
I might as well win.
384
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,936
(gunshots, geese honking)
385
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,272
Yeah, go on, you cowards.
386
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,940
Fly off in a "V."
387
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:52,488
Hey, Lis, we learned so much
scootin’ around Vermont.
388
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,948
Did you know that candles
are made by losers?
389
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,618
And we went to the Vermont
Teddy Bear Factory.
390
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,328
Look what we got.
391
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,163
Hmm? Hmm?
392
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:05,375
(crying)
393
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,336
Oh, honey, don’t cry.
394
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,379
They’re not made
from real bears--
395
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,799
just their fur and noses.
396
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:16,637
Moe marginalized
my contributions.
397
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,596
(both gasp)
398
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,640
(crying)
399
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,976
No one makes my
daughter sob and run.
400
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,312
He ruined
her first Wordloaf.
401
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,444
Look at me, sittin’ here
depressed when I’m surrounded
402
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,072
by the happiest people
in the world: writers.
403
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,950
-(clinking)
-Before Moe reads
404
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,327
his keynote poem,
I would like to stake my claim
405
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,830
to any unfinished
garlic mashed potatoes.
406
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,958
So please, if you would pass
them clockwise up to table one,
407
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,167
I will collect them later.
408
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,380
Now, I give you Moe Szyslak.
409
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,591
(applause)
410
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,928
Uh, this here poem is called
"Elevator Capacity."
411
00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,096
(Moe clears throat)
412
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,015
"Elevator capacity:
2,400 pounds.
413
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,184
Inspection Certificate
available
414
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,436
in hotel manager’s office."
415
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,898
You just pulled that
off the wall of the elevator.
416
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,859
Yeah, well, uh, uh, here’s
another one you might like.
417
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,152
(clears throat)
418
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,237
"Channel 61: Family Favorites.
419
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,489
Channel 62: Adult Desires.
420
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,658
Channel 63: In-Room Checkout.
421
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,118
Chan..."
422
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,836
You know what?
I got a different poem for yaz.
423
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,921
(shocked murmuring)
424
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,758
Ode to Lisa:
Pointy-headed mini-muse
425
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,219
More friend than I deserved
426
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,597
You pulled me from the dirt
427
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,932
And made me
the beautiful flower
that I am.
428
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,393
But some flowers
can stab you in the back
429
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,937
For which I should
send you flowers
430
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,480
Which I will,
but they were closed
431
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,899
You’ll be
getting them tomorrow.
432
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,567
Oh, Moe.
433
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,194
Lisa, if you could
just forgive me,
434
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,446
you would make me
the happiest man in Vermont.
435
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,615
Except for those two dudes
I saw gettin’ hitched.
436
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,117
Not my thing, but
I wish ’em well.
437
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,869
Make my daughter
cry, will ya.
438
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:05,412
Eat syrup, jerk.
439
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,413
Wha...?
440
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:07,414
Dad, no!
441
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:10,125
I’m not mad at Moe anymore.
442
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,336
Uh, Homer,
would it make you feel better
443
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,087
if, uh, any of that hit me?
444
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,881
HOMER:
No, not now.
445
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:18,342
I’m gonna
walk away then. Okay?
446
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,846
Wow. You couldn’t
make this stuff up.
447
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,181
Well, you couldn’t.
448
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,515
That’s it, Franzen.
449
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:29,019
I think your nose
needs some corrections.
450
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,562
(both grunting)
451
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,401
Ooh, you fight
like Anne Rice.
452
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:40,280
Well, Moe, I guess
we’re friends again.
453
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,032
That’s great.
454
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,284
Now what do you say we do some
regional duck pin bowling?
455
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,661
I’d like that.
456
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,412
I’d like it a lot.
457
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:50,749
Aw, that’s sweet.
458
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:51,917
I hate sweet.
459
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,919
I need photos.
Photos of Spider-Man.
460
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,462
This is a
poetry journal.
461
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:56,922
Okay, then poems
about Spider-Man.
462
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,548
And I want them finished
before you start.
463
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:00,008
And before you finish,
get me some coffee.
464
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,551
And the poems should have
the following rhyme scheme:
465
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,513
A-B-B-A-A-B-B-A-C-D-E-C-D-E.
466
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,390
What are you waitin’ for,
Chinese New Year?
467
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,642
{\an8}♪♪
468
00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:11,395
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
469
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,314
{\an8}Hmm.
470
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:15,565
{\an8}Maple syrup.
471
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:19,403
{\an8}Sleigh on the label--
very good.
472
00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:25,701
{\an8}Rich maple color,
good swirl.
473
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,119
{\an8}(sniffing)
474
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}(slurping, gulping)
475
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,917
{\an8}(nonsense sounds)
476
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,003
{\an8}(gargling)
477
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:39,965
{\an8}(nonsense sounds)
478
00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:41,967
{\an8}Oh... Jemima!
479
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,510
{\an8}(groaning)
480
00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:44,970
{\an8}Touched
in the head, is he?
481
00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,138
{\an8}A-yup.
482
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,353
Shh!
483
00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:58,775
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem