1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,339
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:09,384
(tires screech)
3
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,719
D-oh!
4
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,553
(screams)
5
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:12,637
(tires screech)
6
00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:16,474
HOMER:
Whoo-hoo!
7
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,195
Mom, Bart’s drinking
coffee!
8
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,156
It’s not coffee,
it’s hot Pepsi.
9
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,658
MARGE:
You’re the worst
husband in the world!
10
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,661
{\an8}HOMER:
Yeah, well, I wish I’d
married Patty and Selma.
11
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,247
{\an8}I wish I’d married
Lenny and his friend.
12
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,208
{\an8}Man, Mom and Dad
are really going at it.
13
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,335
{\an8}I hope everything’s okay.
14
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,755
{\an8}MARGE:
Don’t you spit
sunflower seeds at me.
15
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,048
{\an8}HOMER:
You used to love it!
16
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,674
{\an8}Mm...
17
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,092
{\an8}(chuckles)
18
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,429
{\an8}Recording that fake fight
was a great idea.
19
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:58,892
{\an8}Now the kids won’t bother us
during our morning snuggle.
20
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:03,855
{\an8}Dear Lord, thank you
for the physical intimacy
we are about to enjoy.
21
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,608
{\an8}And as always,
have fun watching.
22
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,860
{\an8}BOTH:
Go... lovemaking!
23
00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,945
{\an8}BOTH:
Mm...
24
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,448
HOMER:
And I hate the cutesy way
you make jack-o’-lanterns!
25
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I like scary Halloween,
not funny Halloween!
26
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(tape player clicks)
27
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♪ I been through the desert
on a horse with no name ♪
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{\an8}♪ It felt good to be out
of the rain ♪
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{\an8}County fair music?
30
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(Homer giggling)
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00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,342
MARGE:
Whoo, whoo.
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00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,056
Milhouse,
steady my Duds.
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00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,724
Trust me, Bart.
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{\an8}It’s better to walk in
on both your parents
35
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{\an8}than on just one of ’em.
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{\an8}NELSON:
Hey, dinks, give me
your lunch money!
37
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,484
{\an8}But what will I eat
at midday?
38
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:51,027
{\an8}I can’t solve
all your problems.
39
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,237
{\an8}Just hand over the money.
40
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,366
Thanks, wads, and I hope
to see you both Saturday.
41
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:57,367
BART:
Huh?
42
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,828
Come to my party or die.
43
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,121
(grunts)
44
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,664
-Come to my party or die.
-(grunts)
45
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,415
{\an8}I hate Nelson’s parties.
46
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,209
{\an8}He makes you look
at his baseball cards
47
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,418
{\an8}and tell him they’re good.
48
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,045
They’re not good.
49
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,713
I don’t like him.
50
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,966
I’ll bet Nelson
won’t even have gift bags.
51
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,008
Unthinkable!
52
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,301
Is that legal?
53
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,221
{\an8}Wait. What if nobody goes?
54
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,889
{\an8}He can’t kill all of us.
55
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,935
He’s right. Individually,
we are weak like a single twig.
56
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:28,231
But as a bundle, we form
a mighty faggot .
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00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,983
{\an8}(all exclaiming)
58
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,943
{\an8}Well said.
59
00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,362
If we all stand together,
Nelson’s helpless.
60
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,364
Hell, no,
we won’t show.
61
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:40,535
{\an8}(all chanting)
Hell, no, we won’t show!
Hell, no, we won’t show!
62
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,620
{\an8}Hell, no, I won’t mow!
63
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,664
{\an8}Willy, you’re fired
with complete loss
of pension.
64
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:45,582
{\an8}Damn it!
65
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,876
You actually convinced people
66
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,919
not to go to Nelson’s party?
67
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,213
Yep, he’ll be all alone
on his birthday.
68
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,090
{\an8}Oh, I wish
I could see it.
69
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,133
{\an8}Boo-hoo, I’m Nelson.
70
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,177
No one likes me.
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00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,346
{\an8}Bartholomew J. Simpson,
how can you be so mean?!
72
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,015
{\an8}What are you
going to do about it?
73
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Hey!
74
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,101
{\an8}I’ll whack you with
75
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,394
{\an8}the whole salad set
76
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,396
{\an8}if you don’t start
thinking about others.
77
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,190
{\an8}You are going
to that party.
78
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,733
Mom, I can’t go!
79
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:12,901
No one else is.
80
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,028
{\an8}Well, if no one else
jumped off
81
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,864
{\an8}the Empire State Building,
would you not jump?
82
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,743
{\an8}Kind of...
83
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:25,079
{\an8}Aw, come on, Bart.
The party will be fun.
84
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,789
{\an8}Nelson’s not bad.
85
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,334
{\an8}All he needs
is a little kindness.
86
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,586
(laughs)
87
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,171
{\an8}Lisa, you’re never gonna
get a husband
88
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,964
{\an8}by being sarcastic.
89
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,507
All right,
no husband.
90
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,301
You’re getting
a husband!
91
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:42,805
And you are going
to that party. Hmm? Hmm?!
92
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,099
Dad, don’t make me go.
93
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,309
I’ll give you
a back rub.
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00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,311
(grunting)
95
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,271
(moaning)
96
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,982
Oh, your elbow’s like
an angel’s kiss,
97
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:53,858
but you still have to go.
98
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,109
Why?
99
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,028
Son, we all have
to do things
100
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,988
we don’t want to:
101
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,825
like have jobs and families
and responsibilities
102
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,036
and having to be Mr. Funny
all the time.
103
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,705
You think I wouldn’t rather
be living nude in the forest
104
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,959
like some ancient pagan,
just dancing around
105
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,669
playing the pan flute?!
106
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,544
And here we are.
107
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,004
(tires screech)
108
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,635
Okay, just walk in, say "happy
birthday" and get out.
109
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,012
Whoa!
110
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,849
This party doesn’t suck.
111
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,810
Pizza, that’s a nice touch.
112
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,063
Uh-oh,
113
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,982
do I hear a dial tone?
114
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,235
’Cause this party
is off the hook!
115
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,236
(laughs)
116
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,362
What up, B?
117
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,613
(grunts)
118
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,241
Um, happy birthday,
Nelson.
119
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,828
Uh, I know it seems
a little quiet.
120
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,371
Must be a lot
of traffic today.
121
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,623
Is Highway 88
backed up?
122
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,458
Oh, yeah,
it’s a parking
lot out there.
123
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,711
Of course,
that explains
everything.
124
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,087
Stupid Highway 88!
125
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,298
(chuckles weakly)
126
00:04:58,381 --> 00:04:59,299
(grunts)
127
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,508
(air hissing)
128
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,803
-Huh?
-Whoa!
129
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,431
Hi, kids, my spidey sense
is tingling.
130
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,684
Tingling because it’s
a certain someone’s birthday.
131
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,519
Yeah!
132
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,065
Uh, where are
all the kids?
133
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,900
They’re coming!
They are!
134
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,986
I love you, Spidey!
135
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,405
Uh, listen, I only got
ten minutes of material.
136
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,866
Maybe I should come back
a little later.
137
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:25,783
Don’t go.
138
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:29,203
My party peeps are en route,
I swear!
139
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,666
Nelson,
nobody’s coming.
140
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,127
But how could
nobody come?
141
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,378
I ordered them to.
142
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,422
Well, that’s the thing.
143
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,550
Sometimes you can be
kind of a jerk.
144
00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,344
True...
145
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,680
but I thought
I had some friends.
146
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:51,142
Maybe you can have fun
with just me.
147
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,478
Okay. Why not?
148
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,438
Stop having fun, kids.
149
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:59,233
I’m Dr. Octopus
from Marvel Comics’ Spiderman.
150
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,360
I’m inventing a ray
151
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,154
that turns birthday presents
into homework.
152
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,405
Yah!
153
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,406
Come on, Bart.
154
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,033
Let’s knock him down.
155
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:10,578
(both grunt)
156
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:12,163
(both laughing)
157
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,123
(grunting)
158
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,377
(grunting)
159
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,045
Wait, I have an idea.
160
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,424
(both exclaiming)
161
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,971
Look at our kids,
playing like champs.
162
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,641
Yeah. How’d you afford
this kickass party?
163
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,935
Carnival ride
hit me on the head.
164
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:34,852
Hmm...
165
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:38,356
So how was
Nelson’s party?
166
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,273
Not bad.
167
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,860
We had pizza, cake
and then sang songs
with Nelson’s grandma.
168
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,196
But it was
a one-time thing,
169
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,198
and now I’ll never
see him again.
170
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,367
NELSON:
Hey!
171
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,618
It’s my birthday bud!
172
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,540
Yeah, yeah, it was,
uh, super fun.
173
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:56,582
Good times.
174
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:57,583
Hey, Ralph,
175
00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,128
have I got
half a sandwich for you.
176
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,337
Bart, where you going?
177
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,005
I saved you a seat,
178
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,006
best friend.
179
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,007
(gasps)
180
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,386
Ha-ha!
181
00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:14,892
Hey, best friend,
I got you a present.
182
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,603
An entire case
of pool cue chalk.
183
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,021
Huh? Huh?
184
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,399
We can make the tip
of anything blue.
185
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:22,984
Um, Nelson,
186
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,987
I was just thinking about us
being best friends.
187
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,197
Whoa! Me, too!
188
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,366
We are so connected!
189
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,619
Look, um, I don’t have
time for new friends.
190
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,663
I got a lot
on my plate.
191
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:38,124
I’ve got a big report due
on the Nile River--
192
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,376
topic sentence,
bibliography, page numbers--
193
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,586
it’s nuts.
194
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,713
-(grunts)
-Dude...
195
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,549
You made me get water
on my cheek.
196
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,345
(grunting)
197
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,264
Bart is my best friend now,
198
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:56,142
which means no one
picks on him ever again.
199
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,187
Okay! Okay!
200
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,856
I forgot
how cool Bart was.
201
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,441
-Yeah, he’s awesome.
-Good guy, good guy.
202
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:04,275
Isn’t he?
203
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:05,443
I’ve known him for years,
204
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,321
but I ran into him at a party
and we really clicked.
205
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,989
That’s right, we’re
best friends now.
206
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:13,910
So why don’t you go pick on
someone smaller and weaker?
207
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,453
Good idea!
208
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:16,746
Let’s go over
to the Sunshine Preschool
209
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,539
and wail on toddlers.
210
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,333
Yeah, we’ll jump ’em
while they’re napping.
211
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,212
MARGE:
Homie...
212
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,546
Huh...?
213
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,384
When you’re done putting
Lisa to bed we can, uh...
214
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,512
finish what we started
the other day.
215
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,554
Woo-hoo!
216
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,556
Marital sex!
217
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,226
Okay, tucked in tight,
glass of water,
218
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,852
nightlight on,
no barn owls,
219
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,438
don’t do drugs,
love you, good night.
220
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,857
Dad, can’t you read me
a story for a little bit?
221
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,401
But your mother
smells like coconut.
222
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,237
(groans)
223
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,657
Okay, sweetie, which
book should I read?
224
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,826
Angelica Button and
the Dragon King’s Trundle Bed.
225
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,496
It’s the ninth book in
the Angelica Button series.
226
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,164
Oh, yeah,
this is that fantasy book
227
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,541
that even grown-ups like.
228
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,751
Broken,
lonely grown-ups.
229
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:07,296
"Chapter One: The Ruby Stone
in the Door-Portal".
230
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,631
Are you asleep yet?
231
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:09,674
No.
232
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,591
(sighs)
233
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:12,510
"Angelica trembled
234
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,888
as she looked up at
the stern but wise whiskers
235
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:19,058
of Headmaster Greystash..."
236
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,812
(British accent):
Angelica Button,
you are a mere Earthkin.
237
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,023
What business have you
with the Merlinical Council?
238
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,400
I bring warning!
239
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,735
The Minister of Niceness,
Lord Evilton,
240
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,696
is not what he appears!
241
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,490
Preposterous-sss!
242
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,659
Foolish Earthkin!
243
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,413
Send her to the sorrow
mines of Mount Purgatorium.
244
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,498
No!
245
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,374
(gasps)
246
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:44,834
Lisa, wake up.
247
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,295
They’re taking Angelica
to Mount Purgatorium.
248
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,463
Oh, Dad, I’m tired.
249
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,507
We’ll read more tomorrow.
250
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,718
Tomorrow?
But she’s in trouble now.
251
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,261
I’ll just read ahead
without you.
252
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,556
No! We have to read
it together.
253
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:01,392
Oh, of course.
Whatever you say, sweetie.
254
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,435
Nighty-night.
255
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,854
(snoring softly)
256
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:05,771
(straining)
257
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:10,610
(snoring)
258
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:18,034
NELSON:
I like to come up here
and make fun of the sunset.
259
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,536
Hey, gas ball,
you suck!
260
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,497
Nelson, do you ever wish
you weren’t a bully?
261
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,708
Mm, sometimes.
262
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,377
But it’s not up to me,
it’s who I am.
263
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,214
I mean, a shark can’t stop
swimming or it’ll blow up.
264
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,051
Man...
I never knew you were so deep.
265
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,386
Here, this is for you.
266
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,471
(gasps)
267
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,473
A Nelson vest!
268
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,893
The sleeves were
torn off by wild dogs.
269
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,687
BART:
From then on, my life changed.
270
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,732
♪ He’s a rebel and he’ll
never, ever be any good... ♪
271
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,651
All of a sudden,
I was a somebody
272
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,319
in a school full of nobodies.
273
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,071
I could go anywhere,
do anything.
274
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:59,033
For us, to live
any other way was nuts.
275
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:02,244
♪ That’s no reason why I can’t
give him all my love ♪
276
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,624
♪ He’s always good to me,
always treats me tenderly ♪
277
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,626
♪ ’Cause he’s no rebel,
no, no, no ♪
278
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:14,840
♪ He’s no rebel,
no, no, no, to me... ♪
279
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,926
(chuckles):
Ah....
280
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:21,847
Ah.
281
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:22,765
(snaps fingers)
282
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:33,442
So, Scotty,
how do you like school?
283
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,652
(high-pitched voice):
Closed!
284
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,321
(laughing)
285
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,865
BART:
Life was perfect.
286
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,034
Lisa, I’m home!
287
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,494
Time for me to read to you!
288
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,705
Lisa’s sleeping
over at Janey’s.
289
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:49,834
Apparently, her mom makes
good mac and cheese.
290
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,628
WOMAN (British accent):
Homer? Homer.
291
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,717
You must read ahead.
Fiction is your passion!
292
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,386
Lady, you’re nice,
but I’m married.
293
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,722
Just read the book,
you shaved ape.
294
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:03,806
(grunts)
295
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,933
Ow! I can’t read ahead.
296
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,977
I promised Lisa
I wouldn’t.
297
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,604
Just take a peek at the title
of the next chapter
298
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,231
and see if you can resist.
299
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,734
"An Unexpected Occurrence"?!
300
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,152
What could it be?
301
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,611
(laughs)
302
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,071
We hooked him, Galahad.
303
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,657
Yes, quite.
304
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,661
HOMER:
"Angelica was trapped in the
Suffoclock of Sandy Doom..."
305
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,080
(whimpering)
306
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,000
"...as Headmaster Greystash
fought a battle to the finish
307
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,170
with dark wizard
Maluicious Krubb."
308
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,338
Time to choose, Greystash.
309
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:39,008
If you save Angelica...
you die!
310
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,178
(muffled shouting)
311
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,850
(grunting)
312
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,440
Goodbye...
Angelica.
313
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,361
Greystash.
314
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,989
(sobbing):
He killed Greystash!
315
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,700
Thanks for the spoiler
there, big mouth.
316
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,870
-Hey, Bart.
-Milhouse.
317
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,582
Bart, why are you hanging
around with Nelson so much?
318
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:12,958
He’s a bully.
319
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,627
Hey, don’t use
the "B" word around me.
320
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:15,711
It’s offensive.
321
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,046
Yo, bully.
322
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,839
What up, my bully?
323
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,716
How come they
can say it?
324
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,135
(sighs):
They just can, okay?
325
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:26,305
It’s weird to see you
as somebody’s sidekick.
326
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,849
Whoa, Bart Simpson
is nobody’s sidekick.
327
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,227
Then why are you
wearing that vest?
328
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,938
Because my chest is cold
and my arms aren’t.
329
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,606
I see.
330
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,525
Then I suppose you
can just fly kites
331
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:38,984
with whoever you want,
332
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,612
right here in front
of everyone.
333
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,781
Come on, Bart.
Throw the dork a bone.
334
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:46,492
Hmm...
All right, I will.
335
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,246
(both laughing)
336
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:58,212
Blue and red,
the colors of friendship.
337
00:13:58,295 --> 00:13:59,964
Huh.
338
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,924
(angry grunt)
339
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,050
Hey. Huh! Huh!
340
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,385
(groans)
341
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,511
(panting)
342
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,139
You’re late.
I was waiting
343
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,892
to smash this frog with you,
and it peed in my hand.
344
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,061
(croaking)
345
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:18,274
Sorry. I was, uh...
stealing loose grapes
at the grocery store.
346
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,567
Really?
347
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,986
You call this
stealing loose grapes?
348
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,618
We were just having fun.
Don’t get upset.
349
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,496
Oh, right.
Stupid Nelson always gets upset.
350
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,831
He’ll probably do
something stupid--
351
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,666
like smash his own camera!
352
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,127
(grunting)
353
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,420
Look what you made me do!
354
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,173
Nelson, get in here!
355
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:46,176
The cat’s eyes are runny,
and I need you to dab ’em.
356
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,678
Coming, Ma!
357
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:51,140
See you later,
lying traitor!
358
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,895
Something in your eye,
Mr. Mooch?
359
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,689
Well, there’s something
in my eye, too.
360
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,065
(sobs)
361
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,486
Ma, what happened
to the curtains?
362
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,197
I made ’em into a dress
for karaoke singing.
363
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,702
Hey, Bart, do you want
some ice cream?
364
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,996
(whispers):
I just hit a major
marshmallow vein.
365
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,917
Oh! I think it goes
all the way to the bottom.
366
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,002
-No, thanks.
-What’s wrong?
367
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,295
Me and Nelson were
best friends,
368
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,880
and now I think
he’s gonna kill me!
369
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,256
Bully problem, eh?
370
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,426
You know what they say--
all bullies are cowards.
371
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:31,388
It’s not true-- they’re brave,
’cause they’re strong.
372
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,473
(groans)
373
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,020
(yells)
374
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,563
Bart, we need to talk.
375
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,981
(grunts)
376
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,818
I feel so bad about
freaking out on you.
377
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,862
It’ll never happen
again, I swear.
378
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,365
Um... okay.
379
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,158
Best friends?
380
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,493
Forever?
381
00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,078
No!
I can’t do it.
382
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,246
You’re a nut bar,
a whack job!
383
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,456
A kooka-dooka!
384
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,333
Please, just
leave me alone.
385
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,960
Best not to get
involved.
386
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,002
Agreed.
387
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,589
(whimpers)
388
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,675
Looks like you’ve
made your choice.
389
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,469
Make sure your affairs
are in order.
390
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,679
I’ve set up a trust.
391
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,764
It bypasses the inheritance tax.
392
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:16,350
Only till 2008.
Look into it!
393
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,646
(sobbing):
Oh...
394
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,731
Oh, Greystash...
395
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,525
Greystash!
396
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:25,985
Oh, hello, Lisa.
397
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,736
Come on, Dad, read
the last chapter.
398
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,530
Everyone says there’s
a big surprise.
399
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,825
I bet Angelica discovers
that she’s a wizard.
400
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,119
Uh... how would you feel
401
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,955
if something bad happened
to Greystash?
402
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,373
It would be the day
my childhood ended.
403
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:40,374
(screams)
404
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:42,126
Come on, read, read!
405
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,961
(whimpering):
Mm... mm...
406
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,630
"Angelica was trapped
in the Suffoclock
407
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,173
of Sandy Doom..."
408
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,967
Time to choose, Greystash.
409
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:53,554
If you save Angelica,
you die!
410
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:54,972
Why are you stopping?
411
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,975
We’re almost
at the happy ending.
412
00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,977
HOMER:
No book is gonna make
my daughter sad.
413
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:03,981
Time to do what I do best--
lie to a child!
414
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:07,026
"Greystash looked Krubb
right in the eye and said..."
415
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,154
Mustache power:
416
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:12,614
activate!
417
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,615
("Stars and Stripes Forever"
playing)
418
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,867
(kisses mustache)
419
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:22,958
(roars)
420
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:30,215
Oh, man, I can’t believe
you beat me, but you did.
421
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:33,385
I somehow escaped
from the hourglass!
422
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,765
And now,
to go on living!
423
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,185
(laughing, cheering)
424
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,647
The End.
425
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,984
Is that really how it ends?
426
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,736
What happened
to the Merlinical Council?
427
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,530
Uh... they went
to Star Wars Land
428
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,823
and fought star wars.
429
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:58,077
Dad, you can read
to me anytime.
430
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,704
HOMER:
Now Lisa won’t know about death
431
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,040
till it strikes
someone close to her.
432
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,843
Eh... Dad’s ending is better.
433
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,053
Okay, field-trippers,
434
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,388
welcome to the Springfield
Tide Pools,
435
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,974
nature’s most fecund
ecosystem.
436
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,643
Who will spot
the playful abalone?
437
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,895
The mighty winkle?
438
00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,563
I think it might be you, Sherri.
439
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,065
(gasps)
440
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,650
Now, remember, these pools
can be dangerous,
441
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:30,734
so everyone pick a buddy.
442
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:34,363
Bart’s my buddy.
443
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,531
Good boy, Nelson.
444
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,366
Squeeze him extra
tight for safety.
445
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:40,202
Ah...
446
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:41,954
We sure are far from
the rest of ’em.
447
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,288
(nervous chuckle)
448
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,415
Funny how that
happened, huh?
449
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,251
-Come with me.
-(Bart whimpers)
450
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,502
(grunts)
451
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,045
Nelson, please
don’t kill me.
452
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,422
Remember when we made
fun of Cinco de Mayo?
453
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,926
I called it "Stinko de Mayo."
We laughed so hard.
454
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:57,469
Bart...
455
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,597
you are a bad friend.
456
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,474
S-Say again?
457
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,476
You never liked me for me.
458
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,062
You liked that I protected you
and gave you a vest
459
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,022
and stole milk boxes
for you.
460
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,315
I hate milk!
461
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,859
It comes
from cow wangs!
462
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,277
There you go again.
463
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,863
You act all nice,
and then you go crazy.
464
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,823
Well, maybe
I get jealous.
465
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,992
But it’s just because...
466
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:22,995
I never had
a best friend before.
467
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,834
Um, Nelson, was the water
always up to our necks?
468
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,252
(water rushing)
469
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,545
Nelson?
470
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,046
Help! Help!
471
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,256
Put this on.
472
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,674
Where did you get it?
473
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:36,758
Dude gave it to me.
474
00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,948
(inhaling)
475
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,286
Aah! Man lips!
476
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:08,123
KIDS (chanting):
Skinner loves Bart!
Skinner loves Bart!
477
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,584
Shut up! I’m just
giving him CPR,
478
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:12,294
the kiss of life.
479
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,879
And if anyone loves Bart,
it’s Nelson.
480
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,339
Where is Nelson?
481
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,174
I’m sorry, Nelson
never woke up.
482
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,009
-What?!
-Never woke up,
because...
483
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,595
he never passed out--
he’s right over there.
484
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,096
(musical grunting)
485
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,516
Hey, thanks
for saving me, man.
486
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,561
Course I saved you--
you’re my field trip buddy.
487
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,104
And nothing else.
488
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,105
You mean...?
489
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,232
Exactly.
490
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,192
You’re barf to me now.
491
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,986
(musical grunting)
492
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,746
(sighs):
Oh, Nelson...
493
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:51,166
I’ll never forget that week
we were best friends.
494
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:55,170
(lilting Western
musical theme playing)
495
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,175
Haw haw!
496
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,344
I touched your heart!
497
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:13,605
{\an8}(slurps)
498
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,190
{\an8}(loud sobbing)
499
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:19,611
{\an8}Greystash!
Greystash!
500
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:22,406
{\an8}Gee, you’re really upset
about this Greystash thing.
501
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,032
{\an8}Don’t say his name.
502
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,410
{\an8}In your mouth,
it sounds like dirt!
503
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,078
{\an8}Homer, it’s just a book.
504
00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:31,039
{\an8}No man should outlive
his fictional wizard.
505
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,499
{\an8}No man!
506
00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:33,417
{\an8}(sobbing)
507
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,893
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
508
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:52,811
Shh!
509
00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,858
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem