1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,339 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:09,384 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,719 D-oh! 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,553 (screams) 5 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:12,637 (tires screech) 6 00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:16,474 HOMER: Whoo-hoo! 7 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,195 Mom, Bart’s drinking coffee! 8 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,156 It’s not coffee, it’s hot Pepsi. 9 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,658 MARGE: You’re the worst husband in the world! 10 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,661 {\an8}HOMER: Yeah, well, I wish I’d married Patty and Selma. 11 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,247 {\an8}I wish I’d married Lenny and his friend. 12 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,208 {\an8}Man, Mom and Dad are really going at it. 13 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,335 {\an8}I hope everything’s okay. 14 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,755 {\an8}MARGE: Don’t you spit sunflower seeds at me. 15 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,048 {\an8}HOMER: You used to love it! 16 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,674 {\an8}Mm... 17 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,092 {\an8}(chuckles) 18 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,429 {\an8}Recording that fake fight was a great idea. 19 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:58,892 {\an8}Now the kids won’t bother us during our morning snuggle. 20 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:03,855 {\an8}Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. 21 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,608 {\an8}And as always, have fun watching. 22 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,860 {\an8}BOTH: Go... lovemaking! 23 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,945 {\an8}BOTH: Mm... 24 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,448 HOMER: And I hate the cutesy way you make jack-o’-lanterns! 25 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,743 I like scary Halloween, not funny Halloween! 26 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,953 (tape player clicks) 27 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:22,957 ♪ I been through the desert on a horse with no name ♪ 28 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:26,878 {\an8}♪ It felt good to be out of the rain ♪ 29 00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:28,505 {\an8}County fair music? 30 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,049 (Homer giggling) 31 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,342 MARGE: Whoo, whoo. 32 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,056 Milhouse, steady my Duds. 33 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,724 Trust me, Bart. 34 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,893 {\an8}It’s better to walk in on both your parents 35 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,394 {\an8}than on just one of ’em. 36 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,522 {\an8}NELSON: Hey, dinks, give me your lunch money! 37 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,484 {\an8}But what will I eat at midday? 38 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:51,027 {\an8}I can’t solve all your problems. 39 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,237 {\an8}Just hand over the money. 40 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,366 Thanks, wads, and I hope to see you both Saturday. 41 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:57,367 BART: Huh? 42 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,828 Come to my party or die. 43 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,121 (grunts) 44 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,664 -Come to my party or die. -(grunts) 45 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,415 {\an8}I hate Nelson’s parties. 46 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,209 {\an8}He makes you look at his baseball cards 47 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,418 {\an8}and tell him they’re good. 48 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,045 They’re not good. 49 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,713 I don’t like him. 50 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,966 I’ll bet Nelson won’t even have gift bags. 51 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,008 Unthinkable! 52 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,301 Is that legal? 53 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,221 {\an8}Wait. What if nobody goes? 54 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,889 {\an8}He can’t kill all of us. 55 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,935 He’s right. Individually, we are weak like a single twig. 56 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:28,231 But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot . 57 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,983 {\an8}(all exclaiming) 58 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,943 {\an8}Well said. 59 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,362 If we all stand together, Nelson’s helpless. 60 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,364 Hell, no, we won’t show. 61 00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:40,535 {\an8}(all chanting) Hell, no, we won’t show! Hell, no, we won’t show! 62 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,620 {\an8}Hell, no, I won’t mow! 63 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,664 {\an8}Willy, you’re fired with complete loss of pension. 64 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:45,582 {\an8}Damn it! 65 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,876 You actually convinced people 66 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,919 not to go to Nelson’s party? 67 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,213 Yep, he’ll be all alone on his birthday. 68 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,090 {\an8}Oh, I wish I could see it. 69 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,133 {\an8}Boo-hoo, I’m Nelson. 70 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,177 No one likes me. 71 00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,346 {\an8}Bartholomew J. Simpson, how can you be so mean?! 72 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,015 {\an8}What are you going to do about it? 73 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,100 Hey! 74 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,101 {\an8}I’ll whack you with 75 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,394 {\an8}the whole salad set 76 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,396 {\an8}if you don’t start thinking about others. 77 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,190 {\an8}You are going to that party. 78 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,733 Mom, I can’t go! 79 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:12,901 No one else is. 80 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,028 {\an8}Well, if no one else jumped off 81 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,864 {\an8}the Empire State Building, would you not jump? 82 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,743 {\an8}Kind of... 83 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:25,079 {\an8}Aw, come on, Bart. The party will be fun. 84 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,789 {\an8}Nelson’s not bad. 85 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,334 {\an8}All he needs is a little kindness. 86 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,586 (laughs) 87 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,171 {\an8}Lisa, you’re never gonna get a husband 88 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,964 {\an8}by being sarcastic. 89 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,507 All right, no husband. 90 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,301 You’re getting a husband! 91 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:42,805 And you are going to that party. Hmm? Hmm?! 92 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,099 Dad, don’t make me go. 93 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,309 I’ll give you a back rub. 94 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,311 (grunting) 95 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,271 (moaning) 96 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,982 Oh, your elbow’s like an angel’s kiss, 97 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:53,858 but you still have to go. 98 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,109 Why? 99 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,028 Son, we all have to do things 100 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,988 we don’t want to: 101 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,825 like have jobs and families and responsibilities 102 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,036 and having to be Mr. Funny all the time. 103 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,705 You think I wouldn’t rather be living nude in the forest 104 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,959 like some ancient pagan, just dancing around 105 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,669 playing the pan flute?! 106 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,544 And here we are. 107 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,004 (tires screech) 108 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,635 Okay, just walk in, say "happy birthday" and get out. 109 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,012 Whoa! 110 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,849 This party doesn’t suck. 111 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,810 Pizza, that’s a nice touch. 112 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,063 Uh-oh, 113 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,982 do I hear a dial tone? 114 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,235 ’Cause this party is off the hook! 115 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,236 (laughs) 116 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,362 What up, B? 117 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,613 (grunts) 118 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,241 Um, happy birthday, Nelson. 119 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,828 Uh, I know it seems a little quiet. 120 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,371 Must be a lot of traffic today. 121 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,623 Is Highway 88 backed up? 122 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,458 Oh, yeah, it’s a parking lot out there. 123 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,711 Of course, that explains everything. 124 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,087 Stupid Highway 88! 125 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,298 (chuckles weakly) 126 00:04:58,381 --> 00:04:59,299 (grunts) 127 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,508 (air hissing) 128 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,803 -Huh? -Whoa! 129 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:06,431 Hi, kids, my spidey sense is tingling. 130 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,684 Tingling because it’s a certain someone’s birthday. 131 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,519 Yeah! 132 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,065 Uh, where are all the kids? 133 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,900 They’re coming! They are! 134 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,986 I love you, Spidey! 135 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,405 Uh, listen, I only got ten minutes of material. 136 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,866 Maybe I should come back a little later. 137 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:25,783 Don’t go. 138 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:29,203 My party peeps are en route, I swear! 139 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,666 Nelson, nobody’s coming. 140 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,127 But how could nobody come? 141 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,378 I ordered them to. 142 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,422 Well, that’s the thing. 143 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,550 Sometimes you can be kind of a jerk. 144 00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,344 True... 145 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,680 but I thought I had some friends. 146 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:51,142 Maybe you can have fun with just me. 147 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,478 Okay. Why not? 148 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,438 Stop having fun, kids. 149 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:59,233 I’m Dr. Octopus from Marvel Comics’ Spiderman. 150 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,360 I’m inventing a ray 151 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,154 that turns birthday presents into homework. 152 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,405 Yah! 153 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,406 Come on, Bart. 154 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,033 Let’s knock him down. 155 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:10,578 (both grunt) 156 00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:12,163 (both laughing) 157 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,123 (grunting) 158 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,377 (grunting) 159 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,045 Wait, I have an idea. 160 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,424 (both exclaiming) 161 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,971 Look at our kids, playing like champs. 162 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,641 Yeah. How’d you afford this kickass party? 163 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,935 Carnival ride hit me on the head. 164 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:34,852 Hmm... 165 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:38,356 So how was Nelson’s party? 166 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,273 Not bad. 167 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,860 We had pizza, cake and then sang songs with Nelson’s grandma. 168 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,196 But it was a one-time thing, 169 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,198 and now I’ll never see him again. 170 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,367 NELSON: Hey! 171 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,618 It’s my birthday bud! 172 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,540 Yeah, yeah, it was, uh, super fun. 173 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:56,582 Good times. 174 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:57,583 Hey, Ralph, 175 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,128 have I got half a sandwich for you. 176 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,337 Bart, where you going? 177 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,005 I saved you a seat, 178 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,006 best friend. 179 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,007 (gasps) 180 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,386 Ha-ha! 181 00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:14,892 Hey, best friend, I got you a present. 182 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,603 An entire case of pool cue chalk. 183 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,021 Huh? Huh? 184 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,399 We can make the tip of anything blue. 185 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:22,984 Um, Nelson, 186 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,987 I was just thinking about us being best friends. 187 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,197 Whoa! Me, too! 188 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,366 We are so connected! 189 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,619 Look, um, I don’t have time for new friends. 190 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,663 I got a lot on my plate. 191 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:38,124 I’ve got a big report due on the Nile River-- 192 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,376 topic sentence, bibliography, page numbers-- 193 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,586 it’s nuts. 194 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,713 -(grunts) -Dude... 195 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,549 You made me get water on my cheek. 196 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,345 (grunting) 197 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,264 Bart is my best friend now, 198 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:56,142 which means no one picks on him ever again. 199 00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,187 Okay! Okay! 200 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,856 I forgot how cool Bart was. 201 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,441 -Yeah, he’s awesome. -Good guy, good guy. 202 00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:04,275 Isn’t he? 203 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:05,443 I’ve known him for years, 204 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,321 but I ran into him at a party and we really clicked. 205 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,989 That’s right, we’re best friends now. 206 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:13,910 So why don’t you go pick on someone smaller and weaker? 207 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,453 Good idea! 208 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:16,746 Let’s go over to the Sunshine Preschool 209 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,539 and wail on toddlers. 210 00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,333 Yeah, we’ll jump ’em while they’re napping. 211 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,212 MARGE: Homie... 212 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,546 Huh...? 213 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,384 When you’re done putting Lisa to bed we can, uh... 214 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,512 finish what we started the other day. 215 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,554 Woo-hoo! 216 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,556 Marital sex! 217 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,226 Okay, tucked in tight, glass of water, 218 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,852 nightlight on, no barn owls, 219 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,438 don’t do drugs, love you, good night. 220 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,857 Dad, can’t you read me a story for a little bit? 221 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,401 But your mother smells like coconut. 222 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,237 (groans) 223 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,657 Okay, sweetie, which book should I read? 224 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,826 Angelica Button and the Dragon King’s Trundle Bed. 225 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,496 It’s the ninth book in the Angelica Button series. 226 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,164 Oh, yeah, this is that fantasy book 227 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,541 that even grown-ups like. 228 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,751 Broken, lonely grown-ups. 229 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:07,296 "Chapter One: The Ruby Stone in the Door-Portal". 230 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,631 Are you asleep yet? 231 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:09,674 No. 232 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,591 (sighs) 233 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:12,510 "Angelica trembled 234 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,888 as she looked up at the stern but wise whiskers 235 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:19,058 of Headmaster Greystash..." 236 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,812 (British accent): Angelica Button, you are a mere Earthkin. 237 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,023 What business have you with the Merlinical Council? 238 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,400 I bring warning! 239 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,735 The Minister of Niceness, Lord Evilton, 240 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,696 is not what he appears! 241 00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,490 Preposterous-sss! 242 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,659 Foolish Earthkin! 243 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,413 Send her to the sorrow mines of Mount Purgatorium. 244 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:42,498 No! 245 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,374 (gasps) 246 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:44,834 Lisa, wake up. 247 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,295 They’re taking Angelica to Mount Purgatorium. 248 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,463 Oh, Dad, I’m tired. 249 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,507 We’ll read more tomorrow. 250 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,718 Tomorrow? But she’s in trouble now. 251 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,261 I’ll just read ahead without you. 252 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,556 No! We have to read it together. 253 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:01,392 Oh, of course. Whatever you say, sweetie. 254 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,435 Nighty-night. 255 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,854 (snoring softly) 256 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:05,771 (straining) 257 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:10,610 (snoring) 258 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:18,034 NELSON: I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset. 259 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,536 Hey, gas ball, you suck! 260 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,497 Nelson, do you ever wish you weren’t a bully? 261 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,708 Mm, sometimes. 262 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,377 But it’s not up to me, it’s who I am. 263 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,214 I mean, a shark can’t stop swimming or it’ll blow up. 264 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,051 Man... I never knew you were so deep. 265 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,386 Here, this is for you. 266 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,471 (gasps) 267 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,473 A Nelson vest! 268 00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,893 The sleeves were torn off by wild dogs. 269 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,687 BART: From then on, my life changed. 270 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,732 ♪ He’s a rebel and he’ll never, ever be any good... ♪ 271 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,651 All of a sudden, I was a somebody 272 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,319 in a school full of nobodies. 273 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,071 I could go anywhere, do anything. 274 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:59,033 For us, to live any other way was nuts. 275 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:02,244 ♪ That’s no reason why I can’t give him all my love ♪ 276 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,624 ♪ He’s always good to me, always treats me tenderly ♪ 277 00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:08,626 ♪ ’Cause he’s no rebel, no, no, no ♪ 278 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:14,840 ♪ He’s no rebel, no, no, no, to me... ♪ 279 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,926 (chuckles): Ah.... 280 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:21,847 Ah. 281 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:22,765 (snaps fingers) 282 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:33,442 So, Scotty, how do you like school? 283 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,652 (high-pitched voice): Closed! 284 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,321 (laughing) 285 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,865 BART: Life was perfect. 286 00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,034 Lisa, I’m home! 287 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,494 Time for me to read to you! 288 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,705 Lisa’s sleeping over at Janey’s. 289 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:49,834 Apparently, her mom makes good mac and cheese. 290 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,628 WOMAN (British accent): Homer? Homer. 291 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,717 You must read ahead. Fiction is your passion! 292 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,386 Lady, you’re nice, but I’m married. 293 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,722 Just read the book, you shaved ape. 294 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:03,806 (grunts) 295 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,933 Ow! I can’t read ahead. 296 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,977 I promised Lisa I wouldn’t. 297 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,604 Just take a peek at the title of the next chapter 298 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,231 and see if you can resist. 299 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,734 "An Unexpected Occurrence"?! 300 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,152 What could it be? 301 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,611 (laughs) 302 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,071 We hooked him, Galahad. 303 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,657 Yes, quite. 304 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,661 HOMER: "Angelica was trapped in the Suffoclock of Sandy Doom..." 305 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,080 (whimpering) 306 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,000 "...as Headmaster Greystash fought a battle to the finish 307 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,170 with dark wizard Maluicious Krubb." 308 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,338 Time to choose, Greystash. 309 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:39,008 If you save Angelica... you die! 310 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,178 (muffled shouting) 311 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,850 (grunting) 312 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,440 Goodbye... Angelica. 313 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,361 Greystash. 314 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,989 (sobbing): He killed Greystash! 315 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,700 Thanks for the spoiler there, big mouth. 316 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,870 -Hey, Bart. -Milhouse. 317 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,582 Bart, why are you hanging around with Nelson so much? 318 00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:12,958 He’s a bully. 319 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,627 Hey, don’t use the "B" word around me. 320 00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:15,711 It’s offensive. 321 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,046 Yo, bully. 322 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,839 What up, my bully? 323 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,716 How come they can say it? 324 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,135 (sighs): They just can, okay? 325 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:26,305 It’s weird to see you as somebody’s sidekick. 326 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,849 Whoa, Bart Simpson is nobody’s sidekick. 327 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,227 Then why are you wearing that vest? 328 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,938 Because my chest is cold and my arms aren’t. 329 00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,606 I see. 330 00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,525 Then I suppose you can just fly kites 331 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:38,984 with whoever you want, 332 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,612 right here in front of everyone. 333 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,781 Come on, Bart. Throw the dork a bone. 334 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:46,492 Hmm... All right, I will. 335 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,246 (both laughing) 336 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:58,212 Blue and red, the colors of friendship. 337 00:13:58,295 --> 00:13:59,964 Huh. 338 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,924 (angry grunt) 339 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,050 Hey. Huh! Huh! 340 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,385 (groans) 341 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,511 (panting) 342 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,139 You’re late. I was waiting 343 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,892 to smash this frog with you, and it peed in my hand. 344 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,061 (croaking) 345 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:18,274 Sorry. I was, uh... stealing loose grapes at the grocery store. 346 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,567 Really? 347 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,986 You call this stealing loose grapes? 348 00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,618 We were just having fun. Don’t get upset. 349 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,496 Oh, right. Stupid Nelson always gets upset. 350 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,831 He’ll probably do something stupid-- 351 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,666 like smash his own camera! 352 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,127 (grunting) 353 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,420 Look what you made me do! 354 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,173 Nelson, get in here! 355 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:46,176 The cat’s eyes are runny, and I need you to dab ’em. 356 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,678 Coming, Ma! 357 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:51,140 See you later, lying traitor! 358 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,895 Something in your eye, Mr. Mooch? 359 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,689 Well, there’s something in my eye, too. 360 00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,065 (sobs) 361 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,486 Ma, what happened to the curtains? 362 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,197 I made ’em into a dress for karaoke singing. 363 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,702 Hey, Bart, do you want some ice cream? 364 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,996 (whispers): I just hit a major marshmallow vein. 365 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,917 Oh! I think it goes all the way to the bottom. 366 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,002 -No, thanks. -What’s wrong? 367 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,295 Me and Nelson were best friends, 368 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,880 and now I think he’s gonna kill me! 369 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,256 Bully problem, eh? 370 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,426 You know what they say-- all bullies are cowards. 371 00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:31,388 It’s not true-- they’re brave, ’cause they’re strong. 372 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:32,473 (groans) 373 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,020 (yells) 374 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:39,563 Bart, we need to talk. 375 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,981 (grunts) 376 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,818 I feel so bad about freaking out on you. 377 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,862 It’ll never happen again, I swear. 378 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,365 Um... okay. 379 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,158 Best friends? 380 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,493 Forever? 381 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,078 No! I can’t do it. 382 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,246 You’re a nut bar, a whack job! 383 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,456 A kooka-dooka! 384 00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,333 Please, just leave me alone. 385 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,960 Best not to get involved. 386 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,002 Agreed. 387 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,589 (whimpers) 388 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,675 Looks like you’ve made your choice. 389 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,469 Make sure your affairs are in order. 390 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,679 I’ve set up a trust. 391 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,764 It bypasses the inheritance tax. 392 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:16,350 Only till 2008. Look into it! 393 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,646 (sobbing): Oh... 394 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,731 Oh, Greystash... 395 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,525 Greystash! 396 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:25,985 Oh, hello, Lisa. 397 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,736 Come on, Dad, read the last chapter. 398 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,530 Everyone says there’s a big surprise. 399 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,825 I bet Angelica discovers that she’s a wizard. 400 00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,119 Uh... how would you feel 401 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,955 if something bad happened to Greystash? 402 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,373 It would be the day my childhood ended. 403 00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:40,374 (screams) 404 00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:42,126 Come on, read, read! 405 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,961 (whimpering): Mm... mm... 406 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,630 "Angelica was trapped in the Suffoclock 407 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,173 of Sandy Doom..." 408 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,967 Time to choose, Greystash. 409 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:53,554 If you save Angelica, you die! 410 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:54,972 Why are you stopping? 411 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,975 We’re almost at the happy ending. 412 00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,977 HOMER: No book is gonna make my daughter sad. 413 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:03,981 Time to do what I do best-- lie to a child! 414 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:07,026 "Greystash looked Krubb right in the eye and said..." 415 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,154 Mustache power: 416 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:12,614 activate! 417 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,615 ("Stars and Stripes Forever" playing) 418 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,867 (kisses mustache) 419 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:22,958 (roars) 420 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:30,215 Oh, man, I can’t believe you beat me, but you did. 421 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:33,385 I somehow escaped from the hourglass! 422 00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,765 And now, to go on living! 423 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,185 (laughing, cheering) 424 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,647 The End. 425 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,984 Is that really how it ends? 426 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,736 What happened to the Merlinical Council? 427 00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:53,530 Uh... they went to Star Wars Land 428 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,823 and fought star wars. 429 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:58,077 Dad, you can read to me anytime. 430 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,704 HOMER: Now Lisa won’t know about death 431 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,040 till it strikes someone close to her. 432 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,843 Eh... Dad’s ending is better. 433 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,053 Okay, field-trippers, 434 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,388 welcome to the Springfield Tide Pools, 435 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,974 nature’s most fecund ecosystem. 436 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,643 Who will spot the playful abalone? 437 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,895 The mighty winkle? 438 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,563 I think it might be you, Sherri. 439 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,065 (gasps) 440 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,650 Now, remember, these pools can be dangerous, 441 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:30,734 so everyone pick a buddy. 442 00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:34,363 Bart’s my buddy. 443 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,531 Good boy, Nelson. 444 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,366 Squeeze him extra tight for safety. 445 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:40,202 Ah... 446 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:41,954 We sure are far from the rest of ’em. 447 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,288 (nervous chuckle) 448 00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,415 Funny how that happened, huh? 449 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,251 -Come with me. -(Bart whimpers) 450 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,502 (grunts) 451 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,045 Nelson, please don’t kill me. 452 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,422 Remember when we made fun of Cinco de Mayo? 453 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,926 I called it "Stinko de Mayo." We laughed so hard. 454 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:57,469 Bart... 455 00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,597 you are a bad friend. 456 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,474 S-Say again? 457 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,476 You never liked me for me. 458 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,062 You liked that I protected you and gave you a vest 459 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,022 and stole milk boxes for you. 460 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,315 I hate milk! 461 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,859 It comes from cow wangs! 462 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,277 There you go again. 463 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,863 You act all nice, and then you go crazy. 464 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,823 Well, maybe I get jealous. 465 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,992 But it’s just because... 466 00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:22,995 I never had a best friend before. 467 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,834 Um, Nelson, was the water always up to our necks? 468 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,252 (water rushing) 469 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,545 Nelson? 470 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,046 Help! Help! 471 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,256 Put this on. 472 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,674 Where did you get it? 473 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:36,758 Dude gave it to me. 474 00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,948 (inhaling) 475 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,286 Aah! Man lips! 476 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:08,123 KIDS (chanting): Skinner loves Bart! Skinner loves Bart! 477 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,584 Shut up! I’m just giving him CPR, 478 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:12,294 the kiss of life. 479 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,879 And if anyone loves Bart, it’s Nelson. 480 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,339 Where is Nelson? 481 00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,174 I’m sorry, Nelson never woke up. 482 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,009 -What?! -Never woke up, because... 483 00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,595 he never passed out-- he’s right over there. 484 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,096 (musical grunting) 485 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,516 Hey, thanks for saving me, man. 486 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,561 Course I saved you-- you’re my field trip buddy. 487 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,104 And nothing else. 488 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,105 You mean...? 489 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,232 Exactly. 490 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,192 You’re barf to me now. 491 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,986 (musical grunting) 492 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:47,746 (sighs): Oh, Nelson... 493 00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:51,166 I’ll never forget that week we were best friends. 494 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:55,170 (lilting Western musical theme playing) 495 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,175 Haw haw! 496 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,344 I touched your heart! 497 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:13,605 {\an8}(slurps) 498 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,190 {\an8}(loud sobbing) 499 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:19,611 {\an8}Greystash! Greystash! 500 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:22,406 {\an8}Gee, you’re really upset about this Greystash thing. 501 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,032 {\an8}Don’t say his name. 502 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,410 {\an8}In your mouth, it sounds like dirt! 503 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,078 {\an8}Homer, it’s just a book. 504 00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:31,039 {\an8}No man should outlive his fictional wizard. 505 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,499 {\an8}No man! 506 00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:33,417 {\an8}(sobbing) 507 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,893 {\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA 508 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:52,811 Shh! 509 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:57,858 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem