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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(tires screeching)
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D’oh!
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(screams)
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(tires screeching)
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(beeping)
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(giggles)
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{\an8}Nothing like reading a well-
plotted mystery on the beach.
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00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,748
{\an8}It’s amazing
how they always solve the crime
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00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,499
{\an8}just before they run out
of pages.
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{\an8}Marge.
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}James Patterson!
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{\an8}Come with me, Marge.
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{\an8}Help me think of new
nursery rhyme-themed titles
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{\an8}for my thrillers.
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(murmurs excitedly)
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{\an8}Ooh, how about
"Little Bo Peep"?
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{\an8}That’s great.
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{\an8}A clue could be
her sheep.
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Marge, the real mystery is
why we’re just talking
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when I could be
kissing your...
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(alarm clock ringing loudly)
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(murmuring confusedly):
I overslept!
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{\an8}The family can’t start the day
without me.
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{\an8}Relax, baby.
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{\an8}While you were dreaming of me
and calling me James,
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{\an8}I took care of everything.
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{\an8}(sighing):
Oh, Homie, you woke up early?
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{\an8}Eh, stumbled home at dawn,
same diff.
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{\an8}Now, don’t worry.
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{\an8}I packed everyone’s
lunches and sent them off
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{\an8}into the world.
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{\an8}What kind of
lunch is this?
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{\an8}A drawing of a sandwich.
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{\an8}I’ve got Grampa’s medication.
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{\an8}(people screaming)
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{\an8}Abe, pull over!
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{\an8}You’re not the driver!
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{\an8}Shut up, pizzas!
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{\an8}I’ve gotta deliver you!
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{\an8}Oh... no lunch for me.
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{\an8}Unless I "scare" one up.
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{\an8}Hey, guys, remember
to stick together.
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{\an8}Today is the anniversary
of the Dark Stanley murders.
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{\an8}Tell us all you know.
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{\an8}All right,
imagine I’m holding a flashlight
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-under my face.
-(screams)
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Years ago, Stanley DeGroot
was a cook here at the school.
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All the kids made fun of him
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because he never graduated
from college.
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(singsongy):
Stanley, Stanley,
no degree.
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Two credits short at MIT.
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(kids laughing)
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One day,
Stanley picked up a cleaver
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and put a new entrée
on the menu.
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(theme from 12 Monkeys playing)
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A delectable little dish
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called kids’ head soup.
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(crazed laughing)
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Needs more girl.
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(crazed laughing)
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What happened to Dark Stanley?
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{\an8}They hanged him for murder
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{\an8}and buried him in
an unmarked grave.
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{\an8}When they came back
the next day,
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{\an8}the whole cemetery was missing!
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(all gasping)
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(school bell rings)
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{\an8}Try not to
think about it.
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{\an8}They say Dark Stanley makes
your skull into a toilet
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{\an8}and wee-wees into it.
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{\an8}And just when you think
he’s done,
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{\an8}Dark Stanley takes your skin
and makes footy pajamas.
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{\an8}Nobody pajamanates my skin.
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{\an8}This is the very spot
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{\an8}where Dark Stanley comes
to harvest heads
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{\an8}for his soup of sorrow.
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{\an8}Why aren’t you a-scareded?
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{\an8}Oh, Dark Stanley
would never dare attack
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{\an8}a crowded, well-lit...
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{\an8}(kids screaming)
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{\an8}(shuddering):
Dark Stanley’s here.
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{\an8}(kids screaming)
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{\an8}(laughs)
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(theme from 12 Monkeys playing)
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(kids screaming)
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Whoa!
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Murther!
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Well, Seymour, I certainly
appreciate you letting me
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store my collection of antique
cologne bottles in your office
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while they recarpet
my condo.
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It’s quite a collection
and, I assume, irreplaceable.
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You assume correctly.
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(kids screaming)
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Seymour, Gary.
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(groans)
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Simpson, I know
you’re behind this.
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Well, you are going
to get some counseling
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from our school
psychologist.
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Dark Stanley’s going
to eat my brains!
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Or from a qualified
professional.
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But first... Willie,
get those kids back!
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I’ll bring those wee ones back
dead or alive.
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Not dead.
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Ah, ya never let
Willie be Willie.
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(theme from The
Hallelujah Trail playing)
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...Zimmerman, Zorx, and...
Zzyzwiski.
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Now back to class, all of you.
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All right,
you heard him.
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Back to class.
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But we don’t go
to school.
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But you do live
in the district.
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That’s right.
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We home-school ’em.
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I teach the big ones
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and the big ones teach
the little ones.
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but no one ever taught me,
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which makes the whole thing
just an exercise in futility.
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Uh-huh.
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Skinner, what is
going on here?
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Sir, if we let these hill folk
into our school,
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our test scores
would drop so low,
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we’d lose
all federal funding.
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I see...
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and we’ve already lost state,
county, and local funding.
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Plus our last bake sale
was a disaster.
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People took bites
without buying the cookies.
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Yes, we’re not very
good at anything.
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Excuse me.
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Lisa Simpson,
with the school paper.
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Am I to understand you’re
purposely denying education
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to these children?
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-That’s a total mis...
-Well, I wouldn’t, uh...
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-Uh, you know...
-I mean, that is
to say, uh...
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You see,
the thing is...
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I warn you, young lady,
we can fumfur all day.
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-We, um, it’s not
that we, um...
-You see, what, uh...
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-I just, we don’t, um...
-...you’re not,
uh, grasping...
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-We’re not really, um...
-...the, the, the, the...
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You haven’t heard the last
of this.
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Well, I think
we’ve heard the last of this.
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No, you haven’t.
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We’re going to have
to give this some thought.
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Let’s sing
while we think.
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It’ll make it more
fun for everyone.
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♪ How do we gag
a blabbermouth like Lisa? ♪
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♪ How do we crush her
First Amendment rights? ♪
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♪ How do we stop her
writing up what she saw? ♪
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♪ Would she
shut her trap ♪
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♪ For a gift card
from the Gap? ♪
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BOTH:
♪ She might ♪
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TEACHERS:
♪ Oh, how do we stop
a royal pain like Lisa? ♪
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♪ How do we make
Miss Righteous ♪
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♪ Less uptight? ♪
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You have a lovely voice,
sir.
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(groaning):
Why do you have to make
everything weird?
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You asked to see me?
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Lisa, would you consider
tutoring Cletus’ children?
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You’ll be happy,
they’ll be happy,
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and I can go home and
enjoy some delicious fondue.
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Made with the fondue set
I bought you for Christmas?
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No. So what do you say, Lisa?
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Me? A tutor?
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♪ The hillbilly tykes ♪
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♪ Will become my tutees. ♪
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Whoa! Ah! Oh!
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CLETUS:
Hey, kids!
169
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The plow mule done birthed
a girl-critter!
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00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,520
Young’uns, this here girl
is come from fairyland
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to school y’all.
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Now, if you need me,
I’ll be on the porch
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drinkin’ Thomsen’s Water Seal.
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My name’s Lisa.
What are your names?
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Witney!
176
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Jitney!
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Dubya!
178
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Incest!
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Crystal Meth!
180
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International Harvester!
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Birthday!
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(whining):
Are we gonna do
this much work every day?
183
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,795
Why do I have to go
to a stupid psychiatrist?
184
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I told a scary story.
Big deal.
185
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,175
Look, boy, nobody
knows better than me
186
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,718
that you’re a lost cause.
187
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But the school’s paying
for five sessions
188
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and there’s a Chinese
restaurant next door
189
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where I can get drunk.
190
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Get ready, Sheila.
This guy likes the act.
191
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(heavy Chinese accent):
Mr. Simpson! You good man!
192
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,399
-We happy see you!
-You not come long time!
193
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,151
Come sit, drinky-drinky.
194
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,779
Where’s Margie?
She super lady!
195
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(laughs)
196
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,115
Bart, my name
is Dr. Swanson.
197
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,450
Stop right there, Doc.
198
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,452
This school has sent me
to more therapists
199
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,745
than you’ve had bad dates.
200
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,163
I’ve looked at the ink blots.
201
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,665
I’ve played with the puppets.
202
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,542
The whole racket’s
a hatful of crap.
203
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,418
I see.
204
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,129
Well... I get paid whether
you make progress or not.
205
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,590
Why don’t we just kill the time
playing videogames?
206
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,134
Yeah, right. I bet you’ve got
a bunch of "learning" games.
207
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,511
Why don’t you go online
and look for a boyfriend
208
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,137
while I take a nap?
209
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,515
Actually, I just got
"Death Kill City II:
210
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,642
Death Kill Stories."
211
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,353
Whoa! You’ve got "DKC2: DKS"?
212
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,939
That one’s rated
"Bad for Everyone."
213
00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:29,151
(yelling and grunting)
214
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,783
VIDEOGAME NARRATOR:
You have destroyed
all human life on earth.
215
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,118
Level 1 complete.
216
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,203
(laughing):
Yes!
217
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,000
And that’s how a presidential
veto gets overridden.
218
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,459
Any questions?
219
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:49,005
How is any of this gonna
put dog meat on my plate?
220
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:52,341
Hmm. Maybe the best way
to begin your education
221
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,677
is to get you some exposure
to the wider world.
222
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,514
So, I’m gonna take you
to downtown Springfield!
223
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,224
We gotta get permission
from Daddy.
224
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,476
It’s all right with me.
225
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,186
DR. SWANSON:
And, lastly...
226
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,105
-I need a noun.
-Booger.
227
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,150
Read it back!
Read it back!
228
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:12,320
"The county fair is
always sucky to visit
229
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,322
on a hot summer fart."
230
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:17,325
"You can eat
delicious cotton hate,
231
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,618
and ride the Ferris burp
232
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,620
and the Merry-go- booger."
233
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,121
(laughing)
234
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,748
You can’t make
that stuff up.
235
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,041
What does this tell you, Bart?
236
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,627
That this is one terrible
county fair.
237
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:28,628
And...?
238
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,087
And...
239
00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:33,549
My dad never takes me
on the merry-go-booger.
240
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,926
He’s always passed out
in the parking snot.
241
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,762
HOMER:
He’s lying!
242
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,930
You drink too many
scorpion bowl.
243
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,682
You go sleepy-sleepy now!
244
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,767
(groans)
245
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,062
(no accent):
Did, uh,
did you get his wallet?
246
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,521
Every president
has a word balloon
247
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,565
that says "I am gay."
248
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,820
(chainsaw revs)
249
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,697
These colorful bums is funny!
250
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,574
And guess what?
251
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,868
Ben and Ken,
the Street Magic Men,
are only the beginning!
252
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,953
The city is a treasure trove
of culture,
253
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,914
and multiculture!
254
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:12,004
♪ Mistos and lattes
and grandes and ventis ♪
255
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,547
♪ Browsing at bookstores ♪
256
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,299
♪ with fat cognoscentis ♪
257
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:18,302
♪ Books about Dali,
Degas and Miro ♪
258
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:21,681
♪ Those are the folks
that you yokels should know ♪
259
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:28,104
♪ Pretentious laughs
at Bunuel retrospectives ♪
260
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,524
♪ Outsider art made
by mental defectives ♪
261
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:34,360
JITNEY:
♪ Enjoying opry
that ain’t grand or ole ♪
262
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,905
BIRTHDAY:
♪ Comparing Jim Carrey
to Dario Fo! ♪
263
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,242
Your minds are opening!
Take it home!
264
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:42,952
INCEST:
♪ Eating tapas ♪
265
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,537
DUBYA:
♪ Freestyle rappers ♪
266
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:48,999
♪ Mrs. Skinner is Mame ♪
267
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,336
♪ We finally experienced
cultural things ♪
268
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,714
♪ And now they don’t seem... ♪
269
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:58,759
♪ ...so lame. ♪
270
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:03,848
What a number!
271
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,101
You kids got talent!
And I should know.
I used to have it.
272
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,270
Hey! You’re one of those
funny people
273
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,938
with a big crazy nose.
274
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,565
-A clown?
-No, a...
275
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,817
Joker! That’s right!
276
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:18,195
And I’m not a practicing joker,
so I’m not that offended.
277
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,573
Well it’s nice to
see you again, Krusty,
278
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:23,367
but these kids have
field trip journals to write.
279
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,202
Yeah, yeah, right.
Who’s your agent?
280
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,579
What’s an agent?
281
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,372
Ka-ching!
282
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,416
(laughs)
283
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,502
Finally, I get a chance
to use these gag contact lenses.
284
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,296
And then I had this dream
285
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:37,673
that my whole family
was just cartoon characters,
286
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,341
and that our success had led
287
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:42,261
to some crazy propaganda
network called "Fox News."
288
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,597
Bart, I think you’re making
a lot of progress,
289
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,557
but our time is up.
290
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,808
See ya next Wednesday.
291
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,560
Actually,
this was our last session.
292
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:50,853
Huh?
293
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,272
But we were doing
such good work.
294
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:56,358
Oh, Bart, I truly
enjoyed our time together,
295
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,736
but the school only
paid for five sessions.
296
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,744
I think I just got dumped.
297
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,121
He used to rob me
two, three times a week.
298
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,707
Now, I’m lucky
if I get it once a month.
299
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,502
He never initiates it.
I have to do all the work.
300
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,253
He just stands there.
301
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:19,799
Now, now, don’t talk
through him; talk to him.
302
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,009
Apu, sometimes
when I rob you,
303
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,053
it’s like
you’re not even there.
304
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,930
That is because
you’re robbing
my brother Sanjay.
305
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,306
Dude, I didn’t know.
306
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:28,140
Oh, just shut up!
307
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,558
KRUSTY:
That’s right.
308
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,353
I want to hire your entire
Appalachian dumpling gang,
309
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:35,105
and I’ll pay them
the most anyone on TV
310
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,733
is entitled to get: scale!
311
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,652
Now I don’t sign
nothin’ without
312
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,612
pretendin’ to read it first.
313
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,572
Hamburger, hamburger,
314
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,491
hamburger, hamburger.
315
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,492
Looks good!
316
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:48,285
Mr. Spuckler, wait!
317
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,037
Is this really good
for your kids?
318
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,122
Teeny, get her out of here!
319
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,500
Whoa!
320
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,960
Okay kids, let’s cut
some promos
321
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,837
for the affiliates.
322
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:03,592
ALL:
You’re watching Krusty the Clown
on WPPZ in Vero Beach, Florida,
323
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,011
home of the AccuCurl
Surf Report!
324
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,680
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
325
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,728
(drumroll)
Hey, hey, kids.
326
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,397
Have I got a treat for you.
327
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,483
Put your hands together for
the Sharecropper Showstoppers,
328
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,569
The Smashing Bumpkins,
329
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:24,321
The Spuckler Family Singers!
330
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,073
(cheering and applause)
331
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:31,245
(banjo music plays)
332
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:34,164
♪ I have eight teeth ♪
333
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,250
♪ Going on seven teeth ♪
334
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:39,753
♪ I have a curvy spine ♪
335
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,214
♪ We live on landfill ♪
336
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:43,966
♪ And feast on roadkill ♪
337
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,551
♪ While we all drink ♪
338
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,220
♪ Moonshine. ♪
339
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,098
(chugging, thudding)
340
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,059
You’re better than us!
341
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,312
(laughing):
Look at those
dumb hillbillies!
342
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,939
I’ll bet
they don’t even know what...
343
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,649
something is.
344
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,359
Dad, those kids
aren’t dumb.
345
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,612
This show just perpetuates
the stereotype
346
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:05,946
that all yokels
are hicks.
347
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,033
Look at those morons.
348
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,577
They sing
because they’re stupid.
349
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:39,897
Kids, it’s finally happening.
350
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,690
Your own prime-time special.
351
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,150
The songs will be written
352
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:46,403
by Broadway’s greatest composer:
this guy.
353
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,279
What’s your name
again, fuzz-face?
354
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,448
Stephen Sondheim.
355
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,742
I know you hear this
all the time,
but I think you’re great.
356
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,411
And I’m sure you
hear this all the time:
357
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,789
you cost an arm and a leg,
so let’s get to work.
358
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:57,957
Here’s the opening number.
359
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,211
Hmm, complex harmonies,
360
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,837
intricate lyrics,
361
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,173
pithy observations
on modern life.
362
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:07,466
What is this junk?!
363
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,968
Where’s the zazz?
364
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,427
Just do what you did in Cats!
365
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:11,595
I didn’t write Cats.
366
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,013
You didn’t?!
367
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,890
Oh, no!
368
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,601
All right, I’ll try
and save this.
369
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:18,852
Tell you what.
370
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,270
Just give me
a peppy vamp.
371
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,189
Okay. And I can
counterpoint it with...
372
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:23,315
No counterpoint!
373
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,858
Vamp! Peppy!
374
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,443
(peppy vamp plays)
375
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,699
Hey! This peppy
stuff isn’t bad.
376
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,409
Maybe I will right that
jingle for Buzz Cola.
377
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,494
(continues peppy vamp)
378
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,496
♪ President or ayatollah ♪
379
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,581
♪ Everyone loves new Buzz Cola ♪
380
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,083
♪ With lemon. ♪
381
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,002
(cheering)
382
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,837
Krusty, the Spuckler kids
383
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,047
missed their
reading class today.
384
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,216
Yeah? Well, take it up
with their manager.
385
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,635
(gulps)
Yeah.
386
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,679
Cletus, I think
you’re spending too much
387
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,264
of the kids’
earnings on yourself.
388
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,141
That’s a lie!
I ain’t spent
389
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,685
their money on naught
but necessities.
390
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,812
Sir, your solid gold
hound dog is here.
391
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,606
(reverse signal beeps)
392
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,900
Uh... How do we get
the real dog out?
393
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,111
(muffled howling bark)
394
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,739
Do you think I’m telling
people not to have a cow
395
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,616
because deep down
I want them to have a cow?
396
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,538
I saw you yesterday
in the dining room,
397
00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,166
and I didn’t know
if I should say "hi" or not.
398
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:23,542
(sighing)
399
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,960
(concerned groan)
400
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,879
(door buzzer buzzing)
401
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,548
How can I help you?
402
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,925
Dr. Swanson,
I’m Bart’s mother.
403
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,427
I’ve been saving this money
404
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,846
for my husband’s
breast reduction surgery,
405
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,681
but I think
this is more important.
406
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,725
Would you please
see Bart again?
407
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,103
Of course. Send him in.
408
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,899
Bart, honey,
409
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,735
this is all
we can afford for now.
410
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:52,196
If it doesn’t work,
maybe when you’re an adult,
411
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:55,449
you can pay some lady
to make you happy for an hour.
412
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,534
You know,
I’m pretty sure I will.
413
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,206
And I wasn’t planned,
so when I came,
414
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,749
my parents had
to get married.
415
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:06,085
And they were too young,
and not ready for a kid
416
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,461
to screw up their lives.
417
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,380
Maybe I act out because...
418
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,633
if my parents are mad at me,
419
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,468
they can’t fight
with each other.
420
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,053
(relieved sigh)
421
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,138
And maybe
that’s why you do things
422
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,641
like scare your classmates
with Dark Stanley?
423
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:24,520
Yeah. That, and Stanley
was the brand of hammer
424
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,979
my dad used to hit me with.
425
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,439
Very good.
426
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,441
Bart, we have
20 minutes left.
427
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,360
Is there anything else
you want to talk about?
428
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,112
You know what?
429
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,488
I think I’m good.
430
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,700
Oh. Oh, good. Good.
431
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,244
Good, w-we...
Will I see you again?
432
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,246
Anything could happen.
433
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,957
One of these days I might have
a complete psychotic breakdown.
434
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,918
Aw... I’d like that.
435
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,920
I just can’t stop
thinking about him.
436
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,339
Do you think maybe
Bart is replacing your son
437
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,508
who was killed by Dark Stanley?
438
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,135
Oh. Oh-oh-.
439
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:57,886
I am not ready
to go there.
440
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,892
(markers squeaking)
441
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,818
You kids finish
signing those 8x10s?
442
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,570
I’ve told five different
dry cleaners
443
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:15,946
they’s the best.
444
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,823
Ain’t that lyin’,
Mr. Krusty?
445
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,199
Uh, yeah, maybe.
446
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,034
But I’ve got some great news!
447
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:23,162
Take a look at your new home!
448
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,788
That’s right.
449
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,332
You’re joining Krusty’s
No-Collar Comedy Tour!
450
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,750
There’s Butt-crack Barry,
451
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,253
Merle Values, Reverend Racist
452
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,255
and Andy Dick.
453
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,841
I’m blue collar.
I’m totally blue collar.
454
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,259
My dad owns a shovel.
455
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,094
(kids groaning)
456
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,471
Now kids, don’t be
a-frettin’ and a-fussin’.
457
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,265
I’ll be on tour
with ya...
458
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,642
in my brand-new monster truck!
459
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,394
(all groaning)
460
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,021
(helicopter propellers whirring)
461
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,068
Stop the tour!
462
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,904
(gun chamber clicks)
Cletus Delroy Spuckler!
463
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,156
What have you done
to our children?!
464
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,825
Brandine! You’re
supposed to be in Iraq,
465
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,785
stopping 9/11!
466
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,871
Did ya get the body
armor I sent ya?
467
00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:07,831
Sold it for smokes.
468
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,375
Cletus, I had to stop you
exploiting the children.
469
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:11,877
So I sent her an e-mail.
470
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,588
My babies ain’t
going on no bus tour.
471
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,298
It doesn’t matter what you say.
472
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,676
I got a contract signed
by the father of these children.
473
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,511
He’s only the father
of two of ’em!
474
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:24,056
The one that can’t sing
and the one that can’t ad lib.
475
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,766
Nooooo!
476
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:28,810
Miss Lisa, we just want
to thank you
477
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,521
for introducing us to,
then saving us from,
478
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,523
the big wide world around us.
479
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,192
’Tweren’t nothin’.
480
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,194
(cooing)
481
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,073
Cletus, we’re goin’ home.
482
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,574
How much money
do we have left?
483
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,994
Uh, I owe Krusty $12,000.
484
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,537
We can live on that.
485
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,581
Baby, you’re the greatest.
486
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,253
(Honeymooners theme plays)
487
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,259
CLETUS:
How sweet it is.
488
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:07,849
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
489
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:51,476
Shh!
490
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:56,773
Enhanced by Fotokem