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00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,297
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,269
(bell ringing)
3
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(whistle blows)
4
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(playing blues)
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(tires screeching)
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D’oh!
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(screams)
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(tires screeching)
9
00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,684
Hey!
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00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,311
(machine whirring)
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00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,108
(squeaking)
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(humming)
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{\an8}Ooh, the new issue
of Smothering Mother Magazine.
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Hmm...
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"Are Bees Building Hives
in your Diaper Genie?
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The Deadly Truth about Oxygen."
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}"Is your Baby a Suckaholic?
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Experts see new links
between pacifier overuse and...
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(gasps)
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00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,113
...low achievement."
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{\an8}(sucking)
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{\an8}Maggie, honey, this
is for your own good.
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{\an8}Growing up means giving up
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{\an8}everything that
makes you happy.
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00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:10,213
{\an8}It’s true. I’ve given up
everything but raisins.
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{\an8}And the doctor says
they’re killing me.
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00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,551
{\an8}Sweet, plump coffin nails
is what they are.
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}(loud crash, meowing)
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{\an8}(whimpering)
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{\an8}(crashing continues)
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{\an8}(toy clicking)
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{\an8}Maggie, I’m sorry
you miss your pacifier.
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{\an8}But when a mother
makes a decision,
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{\an8}she has to stick by it.
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{\an8}(gasping)
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{\an8}Okay, okay,
you can have it back!
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(groans)
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{\an8}(doll groans)
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{\an8}Oh!
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(banging)
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I can’t believe you
listened to this magazine.
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It’s a Larry Flynt
publication!
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{\an8}Lisa, stop reading mastheads.
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{\an8}I can’t. I won’t!
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{\an8}(growling)
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{\an8}Where’s your father
with those pacifiers?
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I couldn’t find Maggie’s brand,
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but I got every other
kind I could find.
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00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,251
How about Syntho-Nip?
52
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Kiddy Cork?
53
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Thumbstitute?
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AccuTeat?
55
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Bink 182?
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Want to suck
on the receipt?
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(crying continues)
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{\an8}Make her stop!
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{\an8}You make her stop!
I’ve had her all day!
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{\an8}-I can’t take it anymore!
-Larry Flynt?
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{\an8}Larry Flynt? Larry Flynt?
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Larry Flynt,
Larry Flynt, Larry Flynt?!
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{\an8}(crying stops, dog pants)
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{\an8}(toy squeaking)
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ALL:
Ooh!
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{\an8}(panting)
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{\an8}Good work, boy.
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00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,871
{\an8}Just for that, we’re going
to treat your heart murmur,
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00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,791
{\an8}not just "see how it goes."
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(toy squeaking)
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(squeaking continues)
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(muttering):
Oh, stupid baby.
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Growing her brain on my dime.
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(squeaking)
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ANNOUNCER (on TV):
Are you counting sheep
all night long?
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(bleats)
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(bleats)
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(bleats)
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(bleats)
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Mhmm.
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He needs help!
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(baaing):
Help from a drug!
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ANNOUNCER:
That help is here. Meet Nappien
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00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,040
(chimes, angelic harp playing)
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Nappien activates your brain’s
napping centers,
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and attacks
your body’s awake-agens.
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00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,926
And unlike Sleepia,
it won’t cause
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foot fattening or elbow stink.
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00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,015
Ooh!
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00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,517
Okay, Nappien,
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do your stuff.
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Hmm, it’s not working.
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00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,817
You lousy,
worthless piece of...
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(snoring)
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(Homer yawns)
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What a wonderful night’s sleep.
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Thank you,
methasorbizone tartrate,
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00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:34,250
also known as Nappien.
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00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,793
(groans)
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00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,588
Last night, someone ate
all the food in our fridge.
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00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,340
Maybe it was
the same person
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who tied each of the dog’s feet
to a toy car.
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00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,266
And someone used
our videotapes as dominoes.
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00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,403
Homer, I think
you dominoed this.
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00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,946
That’s ridiculous.
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00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,573
If I had set up those dominoes,
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00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:08,409
I’d be wearing my special
domino-setting-up kneepads.
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(all gasping)
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00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,498
It was you.
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00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,291
How is that possible?
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I’ve read that people do
strange things in their sleep
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00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,837
when they’ve taken Ambien--
I mean Nappien.
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See? "May cause dry mouth,
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mood swings,
and nighttime kookiness."
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Mood swings?!
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Mood swings.
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(sobbing):
Mood swings!
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Mood swings? Mood swings!
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Mood swings!
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Mood swings!
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♪ Mood swings! ♪
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Mood swings,
mood swings!
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Mood swings!
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(snoring)
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(yawning)
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Nappien, you did it again.
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And everything is
as it should be.
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(screams):
John Lennon?!
129
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,210
Yoko?
130
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,005
So you’re the one
behind all these hijinks
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at the Rock ’N’ Roll Wax Museum.
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00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,054
ELVIS’S VOICE:
Thank you. Thank you.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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Oh!
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00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,644
Mr. Simpson, why did you hurt
the dollies?
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00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:20,982
Well, son, your Uncle Homer
is like 80% of America--
137
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wacked out
on prescription drugs.
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But users
are losers.
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You’re confusing
drugs with...
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drugs.
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(Rod and Todd scream)
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Okay, here’s the solution.
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I want you kids to lock
the bedroom from the outside,
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so I can’t get out
145
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and perpetrate
my nocturnal mischief.
146
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,295
Why don’t you just quit
taking the pills, you hophead?
147
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,922
Because I’m filled
with stress!
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00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,050
Oh! I have three kids
and no money!
149
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,721
Why can’t I have no kids
and three money?
150
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(footsteps running, thudding)
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(mumbling unintelligibly)
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(grunts)
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(thudding, items crashing)
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Why am I sleeping
155
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,447
when right next door
is every boy’s dream:
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a fat, suggestible zombie dad?
157
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,701
(muttering)
158
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(gulping)
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00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,581
(mumbling)
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BART (whispers):
Hey, zombie?
161
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Huh?
162
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,418
Want to come
out and play?
163
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,212
Zombie kill.
164
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,713
No, play!
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Zombie file grievance.
166
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(Homer mumbling)
167
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Whoa! Your dad’s
a zombie?
168
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:36,057
Let’s make him
give us haircuts.
169
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,643
(Homer grunting)
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How does it look?
171
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:40,937
Ooh.
172
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( mumbling)
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And that’s only one
of the cool things
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we’re going
to do with him.
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Zombie montage.
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♪ ♪
177
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,262
(whistling)
178
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:21,310
Oh! My stomach is groaning
with walnut meat.
179
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,104
Come on.
Just one more.
180
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:24,981
(groans)
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00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,190
(mumbling)
182
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,441
What the...?! My car?!
183
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,734
Milhouse?! Nutmeat?!
184
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,860
(screams)
185
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:30,861
(tires squealing)
186
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:34,323
(all screaming)
187
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(screaming continues)
188
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,541
(screams, grunts)
189
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:44,917
(screams)
190
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,169
(firehouse alarm bell ringing)
191
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(grunting)
192
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(growling)
193
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,434
(men screaming,
dogs growling)
194
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,061
Oh, my God, what have I done?!
195
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:07,064
You’ve horribly injured
the whole fire department!
196
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,608
What are you,
a travel agent?
197
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,318
’Cause you’re sending me
on a guilt trip.
198
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,360
Sorry.
199
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,198
BROCKMAN:
While our brave firemen
recuperate,
200
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,076
Springfield is a town
without a fire department,
201
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,537
which is bad news
for people like this man.
202
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,039
Sir, how does
it feel knowing
203
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,207
that no one is
coming to save you?
204
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,168
Oh, not as bad as knowing
that somewhere,
205
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,794
gays are marrying each other.
206
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,713
That’s the real
emergency, Kent.
207
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,549
Once again, crisis has
brought out the best in us.
208
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,635
I feel kind of
responsible.
209
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,595
Maybe I should volunteer
to be a fireman.
210
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,930
Volunteer fireman?
Count me in.
211
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,516
Just call me
Fireman Skinner.
212
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,477
You know, I think
I’ll volunteer, too.
213
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,103
Why did you
say too?
214
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,397
Well, I assume
I’m not the first one.
215
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,149
MAYOR QUIMBY:
It is with great pride
216
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,109
that I turn over the safety
of this city
217
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,987
-to the first four people
who showed up.
-Mm-hmm.
218
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,739
Your sense of civic duty
219
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,575
and this pamphlet that came
with the fire extinguisher
220
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,079
are all the training
you need or shall receive.
221
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,747
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah!
222
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,165
We’re here to join
the volunteer fire department.
223
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,709
You’re too late.
Beat it!
224
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,378
Lousy civilians.
225
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,171
I wish I could
burn ’em all.
226
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,714
Easy there,
Fire Chief Moe.
227
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,341
(Homer giggling)
228
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,510
Oh, I can’t wait
for my first fire.
229
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,136
(gasps)
Is that one?
230
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,096
That’s just someone
barbecuing.
231
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,305
Oh!
232
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,515
(gasps)
Is that one?
233
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:23,974
That’s a guy
with red hair.
234
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,142
D’oh!
235
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,727
Sweetheart, come to dinner.
236
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,187
I can’t!
237
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,856
That fire siren could sound
at any moment.
238
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:35,194
Any moment.
239
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,071
♪ ♪
240
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:40,032
Did I say any moment?
241
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,575
Any moment.
242
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,868
(firehouse alarm bell ringing)
243
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,245
What the hell is that?
244
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,706
That’s the
fire siren!
245
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:47,873
(whooping)
246
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,500
Marge, when you
see me next,
247
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,168
I’ll be a soggy,
smoky hero.
248
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,170
Mmm.
249
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,715
Soggy, smoky hero.
250
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,717
(guttural utterance)
251
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,344
Just come back
alive, okay?
252
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,221
Don’t tell me
how to do my job!
253
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:09,687
You save-a Luigi’s place!
Mwah! Mwah!
254
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,564
Luigi give you
all the food you want!
255
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:12,940
On the house!
256
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:16,068
(all slurping and moaning)
257
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,528
Hey, this is sweet, huh?
258
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,280
Almost makes up
for not gettin’ paid.
259
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,781
We don’t get what?
260
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,241
(slurping)
261
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:23,659
(metal creaking)
262
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,910
(grunting)
263
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,746
Oh, thank you.
264
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,999
Your jaws of life are superior
to my movie Jaws of Life.
265
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,001
You guys are the real deal,
266
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,295
as opposed to my movie
The Real Deal,
267
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,088
which was not
the real deal.
268
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,382
Well, uh, your thanks
makes it all worth it.
269
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,384
No, I must thank you properly
270
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:43,345
with crew jackets
from my less successful films.
271
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,056
Total Explosion,
Father of the Presi-bot,
272
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,768
I Shoot Your Face,
I Shoot Your Face Again,
273
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,979
Frankenberry the Movie 2:
The Frankenberry Wears Prada.
274
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:55,274
Ooh, leather arms!
275
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,234
People just give you
this stuff?
276
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,903
Hey, it’s the least
they can do
277
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,906
after we saved them
from being melty-faced weirdoes.
278
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,575
We are entitled to some
sort of compensation.
279
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,035
After all,
we’re volunteers.
280
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,411
That’s right, ’Pu.
281
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,371
People owe us
because we’re heroes.
282
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,873
It’s even on my
business card.
283
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,626
I printed them on the back
of my old business cards.
284
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:14,585
See? It’s different.
285
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,050
Mr. Burns, jump
into this net!
286
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,760
What’s in it for me?
287
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:23,928
Just jump!
288
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,721
(whimpering)
289
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,890
(wind whistling)
290
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:35,564
(groaning)
291
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,359
So, I see by your tie
you’re a Yale man, too.
292
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,277
Let’s croon, shall we?
293
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,905
♪ Boola, boola,
boola, boola... ♪
294
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,159
Well done, gentlemen.
295
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,786
Too bad Smithers didn’t make it.
296
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:49,662
I’m right here, sir.
297
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,163
Excellent.
298
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,540
But since I thought
you were dead,
299
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:53,624
you won’t get paid
this week.
300
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:54,917
Make a note of it.
301
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,293
Well, that doesn’t
quite seem fair.
302
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,503
(mutters)
303
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,464
But you four,
you’re the real heroes.
304
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:01,465
Oh, we don’t need...
305
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,800
It was nothing,
really.
306
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,051
Just doing our job.
307
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,594
What do you think
he will give us?
308
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,846
Fine art, I bet.
309
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,681
No, no, no, the complete
Munsters on DVD!
310
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:09,932
I hope it’s
spaghetti.
311
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,059
(clears throat)
312
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,150
Thank you, and good-bye.
313
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:21,193
-Wha...?
-Huh?
314
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,862
Ta-ta,
toodle-loo.
315
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,196
Go back to
your tenements,
316
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,282
where the O’Briens
live next to the Goldbergs,
317
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,658
who rub elbows with Antonellis,
318
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,243
and the only thing
you have in common
319
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,369
is the squalor
of your chamber pot!
320
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,620
Oh, how I hate you!
321
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,497
Bye-bye.
322
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,875
Of all the nerve.
323
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,710
Burns stiffed us!
324
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,546
I can’t believe he acted
completely in character.
325
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:43,007
Lousy Burns,
so ungrateful.
326
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,592
I hate him
so much.
327
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,468
Hold on a second,
fellas.
328
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,470
I don’t like the looks
of that flaming ember.
329
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,847
I’d better blow it out.
330
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,390
Ha, ha, ha.
331
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,392
(blowing)
332
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:56,979
-Hmm.
-Hmm?
333
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,147
(Moe continues blowing)
334
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,994
Oh, the fire has spread
to this room full of valuables.
335
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,496
And it’s our duty
to follow it.
336
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,586
Well, the fire’s out,
but, uh
337
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,255
I think some of these valuables
are smoke-damaged.
338
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,132
He’s not gonna want ’em.
Heh-heh-heh.
339
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:28,719
Moe, are you suggesting
that we should steal?
340
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:29,929
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
341
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,513
It ain’t stealing
if you take it fast.
342
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:37,436
(screams)
343
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,564
(screams)
344
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,066
Gentlemen,
I’d like to thank you.
345
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:43,525
You’ve saved
my store.
346
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,069
Well, most of it.
347
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:46,779
What do you mean?
348
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,573
Uh, well, your building
will be fine, but unfortunately,
349
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,784
a lot of your merchandise
was completely vaporized:
350
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:55,120
high-end stereo equipment,
size 10 men’s shoes...
351
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,538
And some stuff I wanted.
352
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,082
Oh, my.
353
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,292
I didn’t think
the damage was that bad.
354
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,294
But you must be
telling the truth.
355
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,545
You’re firemen, after all.
356
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,381
Yeah, we’re awesome.
357
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,132
This’ll make a great
toilet seat.
358
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:09,551
Uh... hmm.
359
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,561
Uh, gentleman,
I’m, uh...
360
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,313
(chuckles)
I’m starting to wonder
361
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,898
if we’ve crossed a line here.
362
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,068
Just what are you
getting at?
363
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,736
Yeah, Hall Pass.
364
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,530
You better not be thinking
of ratting us out.
365
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,825
It would be a shame if the next
fire you fought was in hell!
366
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,576
Okay, okay.
367
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,328
I’ll just look the other way.
368
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:42,292
(grunts)
369
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,919
You guys sure aren’t
making this easy.
370
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,921
(fire alarm ringing)
371
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,013
Oh, thank God
there’s a fire.
372
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,431
Marge’s birthday’s
coming up.
373
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,099
I think what she would
treasure most
374
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,517
is a gift bought through
375
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,893
-honest effort because...
-(siren blaring)
376
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,979
...integrity...
377
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,856
...trust...
378
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,482
-...exploitation...
-(siren blaring louder)
379
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,234
...the golden rule...
380
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:08,652
...role models...
381
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,237
...serious crime...
382
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,947
...zero tolerance...
383
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,532
...the Ten Commandments...
384
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,160
(siren blaring louder,
alarm sounding)
385
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,875
Next time Maggie
does that in a pool,
386
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,919
tell me quietly;
don’t announce it.
387
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,756
But, Mom, the lifeguards
have to know.
388
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,215
Just let the chemicals
deal with it.
389
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,216
(siren approaching)
390
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,428
Look at me! I’m a fireman!
391
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,430
Hey, Mom, can we go see
Dad put out the fire?
392
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,058
Well, I guess every boy
should see his father as a hero.
393
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,896
Hey, guys, check out
the radical-free air
394
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,231
generated by
my stolen Ionic Breeze.
395
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:50,277
Oh, bogus gizmo,
grant me eternal life.
396
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,655
Mom, is Dad stealing from people
he’s supposed to help?
397
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,157
(groans)
398
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,367
BOTH:
King of thieves,
we worship you.
399
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,368
(chuckles)
400
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,871
(gasps)
He is stealing!
401
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,831
Oh... uh...
402
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:03,999
HOMER:
Look at me, guys!
403
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,794
I’m stealing
five Segways at once!
404
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,879
And speaking of segues,
405
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:11,715
I’m off to my next
morally questionable activity!
406
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,383
(grumbles)
407
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:18,680
You’re nothing but a
diabolical master thief!
408
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,766
The kind that haunts
the slopes of Saint Moritz
409
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,768
or the casinos
of Monte Carlo!
410
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,395
We’re not thieves;
we’re scavengers,
411
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,107
like the beautiful vulture
or the heroic tapeworm,
412
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,818
or America’s sweetheart,
the maggot.
413
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,529
You should’ve seen
the faces of your children
414
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,155
when they caught you stealing.
415
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,242
Kids, get in here
and show your father the faces!
416
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,705
(gasps)
417
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,958
(sobbing)
418
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,209
Make them stop!
419
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,379
You make them stop
by doing the right thing.
420
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,172
("Sad Eyes"
by Robert John playing)
421
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,883
♪ Sad eyes ♪
422
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,804
♪ Turn the other way ♪
423
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:02,808
♪ I don’t want to see you cry ♪
424
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:08,856
♪ Sad eyes ♪
425
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:12,484
♪ You knew there’d come a day ♪
426
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:16,572
♪ When we would
have to say goodbye ♪
427
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,951
♪ Sad eyes. ♪
428
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,619
(music stops, alarm sounding)
429
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,794
(all grunting)
430
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:31,795
(coughing)
431
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,755
Moe, can we talk?
432
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,048
Are you crazy?
433
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,217
It’s 500 degrees in here!
434
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,011
Oh, no, wait, it’s only 495.
435
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:39,970
What’s on your mind?
436
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:41,221
Moe, I think
437
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,848
-we may have perverted...
-Go on.
438
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,600
...our duties as firemen.
439
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,143
(groans):
Oh.
440
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,020
(both scream)
441
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,271
First Skinner, now you.
442
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,689
Well, maybe you got a point.
443
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:51,690
Maybe we...
444
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,817
A solid gold grandfather clock!
445
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,027
(sizzling)
446
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,904
Oh! This thing’s hotter
than Ellen Barkin!
447
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,281
(floorboards creaking)
448
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:03,243
Moe, I can save you, but you
have to let go of the clock!
449
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,913
But it’s been in my family
for over 40 seconds!
450
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,917
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait!
451
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,419
What about Nabu?
452
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:13,795
Apu is dead.
453
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,465
I was reincarnated
as this cat.
454
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,466
(both gasp)
455
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,508
(chuckles)
456
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,302
Oh, you have
just been Apu’d!
457
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,472
(groans)
458
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,351
♪♪
459
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,609
My baby!
My baby!
460
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:38,487
Could do worse than
grow up to be like you, sir.
461
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,364
Let’s hear it for Homer!
462
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,366
(cheering)
463
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:48,789
So Daddy saved Apu and Moe.
464
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:50,958
And believe me,
we learned our lesson.
465
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,501
What’d you do
with all the loot?
466
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,295
We sent it to skid row,
where it would do the most good.
467
00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:00,884
Look at me.
I’m the bum of the future!
468
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:45,971
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
469
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,348
Shh!
470
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,520
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