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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(school bell ringing)
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(snarls)
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Whoa!
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-Ahh!
-Hey!
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Hey, you!
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(tires screeching)
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D’oh!
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(shrieks)
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(screaming)
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("Spider-Pig" playing)
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(music stops)
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-My summer love.
-(pig squeals)
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{\an8}All right,
next on my shopping list...
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a new phone.
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{\an8}MAN (over P.A.):
Attention, shoppers,
iPhones now 20 cents.
17
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{\an8}What happened to that mini-
cell phone I gave you, sir?
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{\an8}Ooh, I thought that
was a lemon drop.
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{\an8}(loud vibration)
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{\an8}I’ll go get
the number de-listed.
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{\an8}(vibration continues)
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{\an8}(vibration stops)
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{\an8}Well, well.
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{\an8}What have we here?
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{\an8}(scoffs)
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{\an8}Why do I need another penny?
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{\an8}I have billions.
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{\an8}Still, if I don’t take it,
that hoodlum over there might.
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{\an8}Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
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{\an8}All right, penny,
prepare to be pinched.
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{\an8}Come to Papa.
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{\an8}(yells)
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{\an8}Help...
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{\an8}me!
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{\an8}Help...
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{\an8}me!
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{\an8}Help...
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{\an8}me!
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{\an8}(gurgling, Mr. Burns yelps)
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{\an8}MR. BURNS:
I guess this is the end.
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{\an8}I just wish I’d spent more time
at the office.
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{\an8}Hmm...
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{\an8}Hm.
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{\an8}(groaning)
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{\an8}Hey, you’re
not a penny.
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{\an8}You saved my life.
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{\an8}There must be something
I can do for you.
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{\an8}HOMER:
A cookie. No, a car.
No, a cookie.
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{\an8}You’re getting a free dinner.
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{\an8}-(gasps)
-With...
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{\an8}-Yeah?
-...me.
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{\an8}"Me"? But that’s you.
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{\an8}I’ll pick you up
at 5:00 tomorrow.
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{\an8}And I’ll pick you up
right now.
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{\an8}Got it.
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{\an8}Mm-hmm.
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{\an8}See you at
5:00, then.
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{\an8}Dinner with Mr. Burns.
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{\an8}What a waste of my precious,
precious Saturday night.
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{\an8}Hey, Dad,
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{\an8}have fun
with your boyfriend.
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{\an8}He is not my
boyfriend!
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{\an8}(slams door)
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{\an8}So, Simpson,
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{\an8}I hear you
like pizza pie.
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{\an8}I do.
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{\an8}My favorite
is Chicago deep-dish.
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{\an8}Chicago, eh?
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{\an8}Well,
what if I took us there now?
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{\an8}Drive to Chicago?
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{\an8}I don’t have time
for that.
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{\an8}I have to be back
at work on Monday,
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{\an8}and my boss
is a total jerk.
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{\an8}MR. BURNS:
Who said anything about drive?
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{\an8}A g-g-g-g-gulfstream!
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{\an8}Now would you care
for some sushi?
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{\an8}Uh, yeah, but I’m
on a plane, idiot.
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{\an8}(buzzing)
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{\an8}My name is Svetlana, but
you can call me "Hey, baby."
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{\an8}And just so you know,
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{\an8}she’ll do anything for you.
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{\an8}Anything except sex.
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{\an8}And I do mean anything.
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{\an8}(moans)
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{\an8}I’m aroused... and confused.
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♪ ...Scratchy Show! ♪
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{\an8}(yells)
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{\an8}(screaming)
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{\an8}Stewardess!
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{\an8}(screams)
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{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}(chainsaw buzzing)
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{\an8}Sorry, everyone.
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{\an8}Air traffic control says we have
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{\an8}to spend another three hours
on the tarmac.
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{\an8}(screams)
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{\an8}(both chuckling amusedly)
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{\an8}This is wonderful.
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{\an8}Now, why don’t you listen
to the musical stylings
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{\an8}of Mr. Lionel Richie?
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Oh, my God, Lionel Richie!
102
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Can you sing "Say You Say
Me," but make it about beer?
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Sure, I guess.
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♪ Hey, you, beer me ♪
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♪ Beer me for always ♪
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♪ That’s the way it should be ♪
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-(mouthing words)
-♪ Hey, you, beer me ♪
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♪ Beer us together naturally ♪
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Now make every
word "beer."
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RICHIE & HOMER:
♪ Beer, beer ♪
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♪ Beer, beer ♪
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♪ Beer, beer,
beer, beer, beer. ♪
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HOMER:
Wait, I forgot the words.
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(Richie groans)
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Love you.
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No!
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If I leave the plane, I’ll
be just like everyone else!
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(sobbing)
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Ground control, this is
November 543 Charlie.
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We’re going
to need the extractor.
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(grunting wildly)
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No!
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Oh...
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I want to be back
on the plane.
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(chuckling):
We’ll be back
before you know it.
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Wha...
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Svetlana! Svetlana!
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(grunting)
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-(groans)
-Oh, hush.
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Now let’s enjoy the Miami
of Canada-- Chicago!
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♪ My kind of town ♪
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♪ Chicago is ♪
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♪ One town ♪
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♪ That’ll never, ever
let you down ♪
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♪ It’s my... ♪
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♪ Kind of town ♪
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Okay, folks,
for our first improv,
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we’re going
to need an occupation.
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-Billionaire!
-(chuckling):
Nice job-- Where do I apply?
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(all laughing)
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Now I need a location.
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I came to relax.
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You think of it.
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I heard
"a Starbucks... in Siberia."
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-AUDIENCE: Oh...
-Killer premise.
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Finally an emotion.
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Drunk!
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Okay, "drunk."
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And now we take you
to a drunken billionaire
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at a Starbucks in Siberia.
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(piano playing "Volga Boatman")
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(slurring words)
Uh, excuse me.
153
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I need a, I need a coffee.
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Can you change
155
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a billion-dollar bill?
156
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Our coffee costs
a billion dollars.
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This is Starbucks.
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In Siberia.
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(laughter)
160
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Why are you applauding them?
161
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We wrote it.
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(cheering)
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While you were here,
we felt like New York.
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HOMER:
I’m so happy!
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(doorbell rings)
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(sniffs)
167
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Homer, you smell like Chicago.
168
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,346
Did you fly there
on a commercial airline?
169
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,015
No way. Commercial is for
losers and terrorists.
170
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I flew on a private plane.
171
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,394
Wow.
172
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,229
Is it much different
from a normal plane?
173
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,648
Please, tell me you’re joking.
174
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:23,651
It’s the difference between
champagne and carbonated pee.
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(moans)
176
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,112
Homie, what’s wrong?
177
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,905
I had it all
for one night.
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Now for the rest of my life,
I’ll know what I’m missing,
179
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and all I have to
remember it by
180
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is that my ears
haven’t popped.
181
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Well, I’ll make sure
that I never yawn again.
182
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,540
Hey, Homer.
183
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,083
(yawns)
184
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,251
-(two pops)
-D’oh!
185
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,179
-Hi, Dad.
-Hi.
186
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,514
High like a private plane?
187
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,476
The kind I’ll never be
invited to ride on again.
188
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,645
That’s where
you’re wrong, Homer.
189
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:00,980
(screaming)
A fresh face!
190
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,523
This is Colby Krause.
191
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:05,443
I hired him to help you
improve your life.
192
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,154
He’ll get you back on
a private plane in no time.
193
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,447
No way.
194
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,657
I don’t need any shrink,
therapist,
195
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,827
counselor, motivational
speaker or "guru."
196
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:15,995
I’m a life coach.
197
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,538
Oh, tell me more.
198
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,457
The first step
in self-improvement
199
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,626
is to take a thorough
look at your life.
200
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:22,877
If you’re gonna
film me,
201
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,670
I insist on a body double.
202
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,464
Is Uncle Fester
still alive?
203
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:27,381
The camera’s
not on yet, right?
204
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,466
No.
205
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,343
D’oh! D’oh! D’oh!
206
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,679
COLBY:
Okay, now I just want you to do
207
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,431
what you normally do.
208
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,849
Okay.
209
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:41,062
Uh... well, uh...
hmm, I’ll just, uh...
210
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,897
I forget what I do.
211
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,357
Wait, what?
212
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,985
Uh, this is some
of what I do... I think.
213
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:51,572
Sometimes I go places.
214
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,115
This is our relish tray.
215
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,326
I’d like you to film it
for insurance purposes.
216
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,204
Oh, what’s the point
of putting my socks on?
217
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:01,457
I just have to take them off
again a week later.
218
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,750
Homer, before you even
head out the door
219
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,001
in the morning,
220
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,504
you’re already a loser.
221
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,340
Fine, I’ll show you a winner,
just you watch.
222
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,508
(straining)
223
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,804
Think positive, think positive.
224
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,889
(grunts and groans)
225
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,103
You were saying?
226
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:25,106
Homer, your journey downstairs
would’ve been a lot safer
227
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,899
if you’d remembered
228
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:30,486
the NDCs of concentration:
Never Don’t Concentrate.
229
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,862
Will you shut up?
230
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,073
I can’t hear the song
in my head!
231
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:35,783
(yells)
232
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,535
Do you want to get a
reaction shot of his butt?
233
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,537
No, but we should
get some background noise.
234
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,623
Everyone quiet for four seconds.
235
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,378
Thank you, people.
Moving on.
236
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:52,633
D’oh! What?
237
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,594
Ow! Huh?
238
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,429
Here’s an important tip:
Stop doing that.
239
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,515
(bowling pins clattering)
240
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,268
I really enjoyed
paying you to yell at me
241
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,729
and say I suck,
but it’s no use.
242
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,731
I’m a hopeless loser
and always will be.
243
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,024
Homer, you’re up!
244
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,400
This I can do!
245
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:22,872
Whoo-hoo!
246
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,457
Yeah! Wow!
247
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,625
-Boom!
-Way to go!
248
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:29,086
Behold my 217
average and weep.
249
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,756
(sighs)
As I said,
I’ve lost all hope.
250
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,674
Homer, here in
the bowling alley,
251
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,343
you’re a totally
different man--
252
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,094
relaxed, confident...
253
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,597
Is this going somewhere?
254
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,307
What we have to do
is figure a way
255
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:45,102
to make "Bowling Alley Homer"
into "Everyday Homer."
256
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,771
I have an aunt
who became an uncle.
257
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,356
Is it like that?
258
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,026
I want you to wear
those bowling shoes
259
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,695
out the door
and everywhere you go.
260
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:57,657
It’s crazy,
but it just might work.
261
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:01,077
Dr. Fredrick J. Waxman,
you’re a genius!
262
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,411
That’s not my name.
263
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,663
I wasn’t talking to you.
264
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,915
♪ I’m the man ♪
265
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,501
♪ I spell "M" ♪
266
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:12,088
♪ "A" "N" ♪
267
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,172
♪ Man... ♪
268
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:16,384
♪ ♪
269
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,637
Homer, your shoe attitude
is bowling people over.
270
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,097
These are letters
from companies
271
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,973
interested
in interviewing you.
272
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,934
How many of those
have private planes?
273
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:25,768
This one.
274
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,269
Hmm.
275
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,480
"Handyman’s Choice
Copper Tubing"?
276
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,232
They need a safety inspector
277
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,983
to fly between their
North American plants.
278
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,194
I’m getting that job.
279
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,405
Bart, I’ll need
some clean urine. Stat.
280
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,741
Now to make sure you’re
motivated to get this job,
281
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,284
you have to quit
your old one.
282
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,869
I’ll call your boss
right now.
283
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,038
(Touch-Tone beeps)
284
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,957
(loud vibration)
285
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,333
I’ll get it, sir.
286
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,168
Just send it
to voice mail.
287
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,421
(gagging)
288
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,800
You here for the
safety inspector job?
289
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,927
Well, I can see the position
290
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,638
of handsomest CEO
is already taken.
291
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,682
I like you already.
292
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,893
If you can write your name
so I can read it, you’re in.
293
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,270
(moaning)
294
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,980
I got the job!
295
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,523
Yay, Dad!
296
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,400
We knew you could do it!
297
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,660
Good luck
on your first day, Dad.
298
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,288
Give ’em
hell, Homer.
299
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:30,666
We’re all so proud
of you, sweetie.
300
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,584
Mmm.
301
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:32,585
I’m gonna get there early,
302
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,545
so I can get in good
with the lunch truck guy.
303
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,589
Find out if he
has a wife!
304
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:37,882
We could double date!
305
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,802
Yay, Dad.
You’re our hero.
306
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,225
(moans)
307
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,816
Can I help you?
308
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,402
Uh, yeah. I have no
job and nowhere to go.
309
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,906
What do I have to buy
so I can sit here all day?
310
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,533
Well, with a coffee,
you can stay till lunch.
311
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,452
Then you have
to order a solid.
312
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,788
One small
coffee, please.
313
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,373
And a dozen of those
placemats with the maze on it.
314
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,417
They’re all the same maze.
315
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,461
Somebody’s got to do ’em.
316
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,356
(slurping)
317
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,581
Look happy.
318
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,964
So, how was your first day
at your new job?
319
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,549
Oh, it was great!
320
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,801
Flew to Tulsa
on the company jet.
321
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:07,054
Did my job in a way consistent
with what I already told you.
322
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,056
Because that’s what you do.
323
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,391
When you have a job.
324
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,101
I’m so proud of you, Dad!
325
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,229
Stop peppering me
with questions!
326
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,648
Principal Skinner,
327
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,066
why did we have to leave
328
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,777
the Learn and Touch
Reptile Zoo so early?
329
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:26,240
Well, it seems someone was
riding the giant tortoise naked.
330
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:27,533
It’s not my fault.
331
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,159
The drinking fountain
dared me to do it.
332
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,914
Hmm? Freak fry!
333
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,291
Look out!
334
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,293
If it touches you,
you die of suicide!
335
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,502
(screaming)
(laughing)
336
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,004
Don’t do it! Don’t do it!
337
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:44,633
Dad?
338
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,886
(shrieks)
339
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,519
I know it’s you, Homer.
340
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,398
Ow!
341
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,941
Why aren’t you
at your new job?
342
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,570
Well, explanation-wise,
the fact is that...
343
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:05,779
I lied.
344
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,197
I didn’t get the job.
345
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,991
You see when I
got there...
346
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,200
So, she said,
347
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,911
"That’s not my in-box,"
348
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,997
and he said,
"That’s not the Johnson Report!"
349
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,999
(guffaws)
350
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:20,419
You sure know how to repeat
the joke I just told ya.
351
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:21,837
(cackles)
352
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,673
But as a formality, I must ask:
353
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:28,010
Do you know anything
about copper tubing?
354
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,553
Um... well, uh...
355
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,390
Come on, say
"You’re hired"!
356
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,516
No.
357
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,851
Say it!
358
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,520
Leave your resume
with Cheryl.
359
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:39,730
Say it!
360
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:42,024
-Security! Security!
-(alarm sounding)
361
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,901
Stop saying
"Security"!
362
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:46,487
-Come on, just give me
the job.
-No. Now, let go of my mouth!
363
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,447
I like your hat.
364
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,032
-You’re stretching it
out of shape.
-Come on.
365
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,450
-Just say the word.
-Cheryl.
366
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,077
(grunting)
367
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,954
I couldn’t bear
to tell your mother,
368
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,956
so I hang out
here all day.
369
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,791
But, Dad,
you gotta tell her.
370
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,751
She’s been buying
brand-name groceries.
371
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,419
Brands like
"Miser’s Choice"
372
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,462
and "Day-Old Delights"?
373
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,255
No, things
rich people buy,
374
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,383
like Campbell’s Soup
and Pepsodent.
375
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,055
(hums happily)
376
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,056
(phone rings)
377
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,516
Hello?
378
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:18,394
Honey, there’s something
I have to tell you.
379
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,312
(gasps)
It’s bad news, isn’t it?
380
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,064
I should never get my hopes up.
381
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,483
Nothing ever works out for us.
382
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:25,859
No, it’s, uh...
383
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:26,860
good news!
384
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,071
Really?
385
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:32,032
We’re manufacturing
a new pipe diameter,
386
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,575
five-eighths inch.
387
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,285
The company wants you and me
388
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,914
to take the private plane
to New York for the premiere!
389
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,875
So meet me at Shelbyville
Airport in an hour.
390
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,877
If I’m gonna tell
that woman the truth,
391
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,462
I’m going to do it
in the one place
392
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,797
no one can ever be sad.
393
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,508
Okay,
394
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:50,551
so this should be
enough money
395
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,011
to get me up
in the air,
396
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,303
have a frank talk
with Marge
397
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,097
then maybe eat a deviled egg.
398
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,765
Well, anything,
for a fellow Marine.
399
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,934
Yeah, semper fudge!
400
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,894
Uh, did you just say
"Semper fudge"?
401
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,730
No, I said
the right thing.
402
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,232
Look at this business center--
403
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:09,236
fax, Wi-Fi, teleconferencing
capabilities.
404
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,321
I’m gonna remember
this day
405
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,198
for the rest
of my life!
406
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,117
Uh, honey...
407
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,786
don’t try to remember
the whole day.
408
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,788
Just what you’re
feeling this second.
409
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,999
Sweetheart, what do you mean?
410
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,376
Marge, I gotta
be honest...
411
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,461
(gasps)
What was that?
412
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,545
I don’t know.
413
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,338
Maybe we flew through a rainbow.
414
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,631
(clattering)
415
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,260
(gasping)
416
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,721
I didn’t think
I’d be flying today
417
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,139
so I was doing heroin.
418
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,223
Oh.
419
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,225
(strained grunting)
420
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,810
Homie,
what are you doing?
421
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,395
You don’t know
how to fly!
422
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,938
I drove a car
over a cliff once.
423
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,148
How different could it be?
424
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,485
Hmm, what’s the ocean doing
in the sky?
425
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,612
(grunting)
426
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:56,992
There’s only one man
who can help us now.
427
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,369
Hello, and welcome to success.
428
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,829
It’s Marge Simpson.
429
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,540
I need you to coach like
you’ve never coached before!
430
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,375
Marge, please,
I’m with a client.
431
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,962
Now you listen
here, bub!
432
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,882
We paid you all the savings
we had in the world.
433
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:15,052
You could at least tell my
husband something encouraging.
434
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:17,137
All right, Homer.
What is it you’re
attempting to do?
435
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,680
Win over a difficult client?
436
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:22,351
I’m trying to land a plane
with no experience.
437
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,019
Homer, I gotta tell you
I’m not very good.
438
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,021
I went to the Harvard
of the South.
439
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,356
Duke? That’s good.
440
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,066
-Not Duke.
-Vanderbilt?
441
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,400
A little further south.
442
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,860
Don’t make me say it.
443
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:32,903
(gasps)
444
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,492
Duffman has reported you
to the FAA.
445
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,744
This near miss will be
investigated
446
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,789
by a board of three
retired pilots.
447
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:45,332
COLBY:
Okay, Homer.
448
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:46,708
I don’t know anything
about planes,
449
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,460
but I know about you.
450
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,921
You have
what made America great:
451
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,882
no understanding of the limits
of your power,
452
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,010
and a complete lack of concern
for what anyone thinks of you.
453
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,804
So you’ll land that plane.
454
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,430
And do you know why?
455
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,975
Because I heard some guy say
you couldn’t.
456
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:04,977
What? I’ll show him.
457
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:06,854
I’ll show that guy!
458
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,819
COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Elevation 300 feet,
200 feet, 50 feet...
459
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:16,822
(Homer and Marge scream)
460
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,534
MARGE:
Homer, you did it!
461
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:22,578
You landed a jet!
462
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,330
And now, to taxi
to the terminal.
463
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,710
HOMER:
D’oh!
464
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,634
Marge, flying in private jets
is great and all,
465
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,053
but it’s just
too dangerous.
466
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,181
That’s why I’ve decided
to go to the plant
467
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,017
and beg Mr. Burns
for my old job back.
468
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,644
I understand, Homie.
469
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,188
And at least
we can take
470
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,064
the extra income you’ve earned
in the last few months
471
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,025
and set it aside
for a rainy day.
472
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:54,735
You’d think so, but no.
473
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,323
Mr. Richie, your American Music
Awards are weighing us down!
474
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,741
Let them go!
475
00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:02,367
You let yours go!
476
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,452
I don’t have any.
477
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,286
That’s right, you don’t!
478
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,830
(laughs smugly)
479
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:10,334
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
480
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:53,961
Shh!
481
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,632
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem