1 00:00:01,292 --> 00:00:04,963 (eerie music plays) 2 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,590 Hello. Remember Halloween? 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,009 It was last week, 4 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,011 but here at the Simpson House, 5 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:12,637 we’re still celebrating. 6 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:17,767 {\an8}Tonight, we have three terrifying tales of the... 7 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,185 {\an8}Excuse me. 8 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,190 {\an8}Now, our first gory story is... 9 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,984 {\an8}Oh, for crying out loud! 10 00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:28,361 {\an8}Hey! Ow! 11 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,988 {\an8}No fair. 12 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:33,324 {\an8}Can’t anyone just watch the show they’re watching? 13 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,370 (shrieking) 14 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,374 {\an8}(pained sputtering) 15 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,379 (ding) 16 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,214 (shrieking) 17 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,466 Hmm. 18 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,176 Dinner is served. 19 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:56,723 (eerie music) 20 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,191 (gobbling) 21 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,611 Mmm. Developed by. 22 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:11,029 (gargles) 23 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,912 {\an8}(movie theme music playing) 24 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,831 {\an8}Crème brulée! Crème brulée! 25 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:22,832 Or, in English: 26 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,460 Burnt cream! Burnt cream! 27 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,796 {\an8}Hold on. I still have to caramelize. 28 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,589 {\an8}(frustrated grunting) 29 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,965 {\an8}Bart, go out to the shed 30 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,802 {\an8}and get some more butane! 31 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,053 {\an8}(groans) 32 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,596 {\an8}(muttering): ...butane this. 33 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,521 {\an8}What’s that unearthly glow? 34 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,190 The only sensible thing to do is explore it on my own. 35 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:52,821 {\an8}Huh? 36 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:57,033 -(Bart grunts) -(pained grunting) 37 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,326 {\an8}Oh, my God. 38 00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:02,205 {\an8}An alien... in our butane storage shed. 39 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,623 {\an8}(speaking alien language) 40 00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:04,749 Is that your space name? 41 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:07,961 No, you hit me in my 700 testicles. 42 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,212 (coughs) 43 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,089 Why did you come to our world? 44 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:14,926 {\an8}My friends and I came in peace to find your vulnerabilities 45 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:18,179 {\an8}and, um, shore them up with more peace. 46 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,597 {\an8}Yes. 47 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,142 {\an8}Then I was accidentally left behind... 48 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,519 {\an8}in a spirit of peace. 49 00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,603 {\an8}Whoa. 50 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:26,771 {\an8}Is that a ray gun? 51 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:30,817 {\an8}No, it’s a... deodorant applicator. 52 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,110 I’ll just... 53 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,862 (anguished scream) 54 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,865 {\an8}(labored breathing) 55 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,617 {\an8}Smells like a summer breeze. 56 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,411 (laughs) 57 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,414 {\an8}So, this is my Krusty doll, Funzo, Linguo, 58 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,083 {\an8}Iraq War Sergeant Activity with insufficient armor, 59 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,879 {\an8}Phonic Frog, cat skull, Jim Halterman bobblehead doll. 60 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,297 {\an8}He’s a local car dealer. 61 00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:55,550 Hmm... do all humans have such weak necks 62 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:58,970 or just the one you call "Jim Halterman"? 63 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,722 Oh, my God, an alien. 64 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,600 {\an8}I’m going to blow Rachel Goodman away at show-and-tell. 65 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,143 No. If the government finds out he’s here, 66 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,436 they’ll dissect him. 67 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,814 I only hope those scientists leave me my mouth, 68 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,859 {\an8}so I may spread my message of peace through song. 69 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:16,237 {\an8}♪ Peace... ♪ 70 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,448 ♪ Peace, peace, peace ♪ 71 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,617 ♪ From space. ♪ 72 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,368 {\an8}As this month’s rotating president 73 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,163 {\an8}of the Springfield Future Scientists Club, 74 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,207 {\an8}may I say I’m sorry 75 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,459 {\an8}and is there anything we can do to help? 76 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,545 {\an8}Well, I would like to phone home 77 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,006 {\an8}to tell my family I’m okay. 78 00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:36,674 -Aw... -Aw... 79 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,885 {\an8}To do so, I would need the following items. 80 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:43,514 {\an8}Get them now. Fiber-optic cable, uranium 235, 81 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,935 {\an8}two tickets to Avenue Q, seven billion body bags... 82 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,103 -Can I hammer that? -No. 83 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,647 -Can I weld that? -No! 84 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,315 -Can I tighten the... -I said no! 85 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,192 I thought we were supposed to do this together. 86 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,986 {\an8}Actually, I do have an important job for you. 87 00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,156 {\an8}You can go get the wrench I dropped. 88 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,158 I’m helping! I’m helping! 89 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,618 Way to get rid of Bart. 90 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,162 (scoffing): He can be such a pest. 91 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,164 You are very observant, Lisa. 92 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,542 That’s why I have a special job for you. 93 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,253 Go find out the secret locations 94 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,256 of your country’s missile defense facilities. 95 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,717 They were in yesterday’s New York Times. 96 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:23,429 ♪ We’ll be killing every human in two days ♪ 97 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,099 ♪ We’ll be killing every human in two days ♪ 98 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,184 ♪ We will cook them, we will eat them ♪ 99 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,394 ♪ ’Cause that’s the way to treat them... ♪ 100 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:30,645 (door opens) 101 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,188 HOMER (singsongy): Oh, Ma-arge. 102 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,607 Want some company? 103 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:38,319 As always, silence means yes. 104 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:42,365 How about a little neck rub, baby? 105 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:46,077 Now, how about the neck of my butt? 106 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,787 Oh-ho-ho! 107 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,665 Someone’s taking the highway to the danger zone. 108 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:54,002 Oh, Marge, your tentacles feel so good. 109 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,837 Wait a minute. 110 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,048 Why am I getting words in edgewise? 111 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,258 (both scream) 112 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:03,303 We can’t have a space creature 113 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,887 living in our house. 114 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,597 Go ahead. Say it. 115 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,850 It’s because I’m Jewish. 116 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,810 No, no, no, some of my best friends are... 117 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,313 Fine, you can stay. 118 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,107 Look! They’re coming to get... what’s your name? 119 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,359 -Kodos the Destroyer. -Huh? 120 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,029 Don’t worry, son. I got a plan to save your space doggy. 121 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,989 (doorbell rings) 122 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,574 HOMER (in Southern belle voice): Who is it? 123 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,118 Ma’am, we have reason to believe that you’re harboring an alien. 124 00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,244 Open this door at once. 125 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,204 Oh, I’m not decent. 126 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,874 Let me throw something on. 127 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,251 Can I help you, gentlemen? 128 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,836 (coquettish giggle) 129 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,129 Uh, we know it’s you, Mr. Simpson. 130 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,297 Now where is the alien? 131 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,049 (in normal voice): Wow, you guys are good. 132 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,259 The alien’s right here in the living room. 133 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,721 Ha! You missed ’em. 134 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:50,099 Bart and our alien friend are hundreds of miles away by now. 135 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,018 (Bart grunting) 136 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,438 What do you weigh? 137 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:56,481 Like a million pounds? 138 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,066 More of me to love. 139 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,401 After them! 140 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,196 (in Southern belle voice): The South shall rise again. 141 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,822 (E.T. music playing) 142 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,118 (tires screeching) 143 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,378 We can fly over them with the power of love, right? 144 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,339 Hmm... we could, or... 145 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,054 You killed them. 146 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,223 Well done, Columbo. 147 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,600 That’s right. We watch Columbo. 148 00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,603 It’s on during rain-outs of gleep-glop games. 149 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:38,940 I’m just gonna take off now. 150 00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,775 I’m sure you have a lot of calls to make. 151 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,318 Foolish biped. 152 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,528 It’s not a phone. 153 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,405 It’s a space portal. 154 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:49,909 Our shock troops will teleport in and eat everyone’s heads, 155 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,536 all thanks to you. 156 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,288 (laughs maniacally) 157 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:57,458 (whirring) 158 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,340 (gasps) 159 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,051 (muttering) 160 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,386 Ah! 161 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:13,391 ♪♪ 162 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:14,600 (rapid gunfire) 163 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,810 (groaning) 164 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:17,395 (explosive whooshing) 165 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,188 What did I miss? 166 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,398 Oh! 167 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,484 Hop in, Bart. 168 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,153 They’re gonna let us kill one! 169 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,786 Bart... friend? 170 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,086 Homer... bored! 171 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,796 (sloshing) 172 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,173 (crickets chirping) 173 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,757 I can’t believe 174 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,760 that an alien who looked so evil turned out to be bad. 175 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,095 Hmm. I guess 176 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,222 you should judge a book by its cover. 177 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,349 Definitely, especially if you count the inside flap 178 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:56,976 as part of the cover. 179 00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,728 It usually gives you a great idea 180 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,229 of what the book’s about. 181 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,607 Quiet. We’re missing the dissection! 182 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,817 Actually, I’m still alive, 183 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,819 so technically, it’s vivisection. 184 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,529 No one likes a know-it-all. 185 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,490 (frantic muffled groaning) 186 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,076 (sporadic groaning) 187 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,912 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 188 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,914 Shh! 189 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,504 (gunshots) 190 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,048 (gun chamber cocking repeatedly) 191 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,090 (wind whipping) 192 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:31,761 You see, the problem is we’ve grown apart. 193 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,763 The problem is 194 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,806 you don’t share my interest 195 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,558 in not being with you. 196 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,852 Another thing: I don’t know where you go at night. 197 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,481 (door squeaks) 198 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,868 (squeaking) 199 00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,163 (whirring) 200 00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:03,000 Greetings, 241. 201 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,169 Why does he always bring up my weight? 202 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:08,589 I want you to eliminate this reporter, Kent Brockman. 203 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,509 He found the gully where I dump electricity every summer 204 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:12,927 to jack up prices. 205 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,136 Don’t worry, sir. 206 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,388 I’ll handle this cleanly, 207 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:16,556 quietly and... Bart! 208 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,473 What? 209 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,977 Marge, I’m gonna be home late tonight. 210 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,187 I’m going to, uh... Midnight Monkey Madness 211 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,898 at the zoo. 212 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,483 Well, I won’t be home, either. 213 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:31,445 I’m, um... flipping over wheelbarrows in case it rains. 214 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,698 Have fun at your crazy-sounding thing. 215 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,825 And you have fun at your preposterous event. 216 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,076 -Love ya. -Love ya. 217 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,286 (overlapping chatter) 218 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,287 And that was my drink. 219 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,746 (laughter) 220 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,206 {\an8}(overlapping chatter and laughter) 221 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,416 {\an8}(high-pitched whirring) 222 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,917 ELEVATOR VOICE: Ninth floor. 223 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,210 Assassin’s perch. 224 00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,514 (chittering) 225 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:04,145 Now all I have to do is think of a clever line 226 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,521 before I pull the trigger. 227 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,398 Oh, that’s a perfect one. 228 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:10,776 But I don’t need to say it out loud ’cause I’m by myself. 229 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,740 (muttering and scoffing) 230 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,284 Out of my way, mystery skank! 231 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,869 Hey! 232 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,579 (screams) 233 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,497 Hey! Now I don’t get paid! 234 00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:25,833 (people gasping and screaming) 235 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,835 HOMER: Hey, baby, hello. 236 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,754 (gunfire, people screaming and grunting) 237 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,010 (wind whipping) 238 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,178 (metal clinks) 239 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,429 Now I’m mad! 240 00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:39,847 (wind whipping) 241 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,515 Now I’m... 242 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,309 (speaking gibberish) 243 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:49,231 (metal clinks) 244 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,608 (gunshot) 245 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,567 (gasps) 246 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,403 Marge is a professional assassin! 247 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,032 (tires screeching) 248 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,621 Hmm. You just can’t get Russian gangster blood out. 249 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,289 Must be something they eat. 250 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,667 (door closes) 251 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,795 Hey, what’s that? 252 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,004 MARGE: Uh, 253 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,631 a blender cozy. 254 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,466 Hmm. 255 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:18,803 How was your Midnight Monkey Madness? 256 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,137 Great, great. 257 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:23,140 I turned over so many wheelbarrows... 258 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,684 Wait. That was your thing. 259 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,560 Hmm. 260 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,314 Homie, 261 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,025 I made you my killer lasagna. 262 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,485 {\an8}HOMER: It’s poison! 263 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,570 {\an8}Whatever you do, don’t eat it. 264 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:42,284 {\an8}Okay, you’re already eating it, but don’t finish it. 265 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,828 {\an8}Okay, you finished it, but don’t ask for... 266 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:44,954 Seconds, please. 267 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,580 {\an8}You moron! Just kill her! 268 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,959 I’ll kill her after dessert! 269 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,961 (gun chambers clicking) 270 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,921 You’re a killer for hire! 271 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,840 You ruined that pie! 272 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,341 (gunfire) 273 00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,678 How could you not tell me you were an assassin? 274 00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:03,305 How could you not tell me? 275 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,640 I told you 20 times! 276 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,308 You never listen! 277 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,769 Well, they’re not as pretty as you, Marge. 278 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,062 (grumbles) 279 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,480 (grunts) 280 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,110 (sighs) 281 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:18,779 (gun chamber cocking) 282 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,207 Listen, I... Oh! 283 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,460 (clicking) 284 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:33,711 Okay, here’s the deal. 285 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,504 I’ll do the killing for hire, 286 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,506 -and you stay home with the kids. -(grumbles) 287 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,758 (grunts) 288 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:39,925 I get $50,000 a hit. 289 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,677 How much do you make? 290 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,554 I just get to keep whatever’s in the guy’s wallet. 291 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,806 (grunting) 292 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,558 (clock gongs) 293 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:50,102 All those nights I thought you were out getting drunk, 294 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,520 you were out killing people?! 295 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,064 I was out getting drunk, then killing people! 296 00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,442 (grunts) 297 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:57,777 (groans) 298 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,070 (grumbling) 299 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,405 (whimpers) 300 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,531 (gasps) 301 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,909 (grunting) 302 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,994 Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow! 303 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,204 -(grunts) -Aah! 304 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,289 (grunts) 305 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,127 Stop it! 306 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,670 That’s my favorite couch! 307 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,422 Why do you think I’m kicking it? 308 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,840 (grunts) 309 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,885 (panting) 310 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,345 Are you guys fighting over us? 311 00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,888 Whatever we did, we’re sorry. 312 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,098 (panting) 313 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,142 Sweeties... (clears throat) 314 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,477 We weren’t fighting. 315 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,728 It sounded like you were. 316 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,980 Who wants ice cream in bed? 317 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,273 BOTH: Ice cream! Ice cream! 318 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,858 BOTH: Dad’s the best! 319 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,236 Great! Now they’re going to have tummy aches tomorrow. 320 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,738 And where will "Super Dad" be then? 321 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,156 At your funeral. 322 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:48,619 (doorbell rings) 323 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:52,039 We got a complaint from an anonymous "neighborino" 324 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,624 about an elaborately choreographed, 325 00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,376 high-octane, ultra-fight. 326 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:56,919 (grunts) 327 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,255 I would have taken a bribe. 328 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,216 Oh, that was so hot! 329 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:05,094 I love watching you do other guys! 330 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:08,472 Mmm, I’d like to see you do a guy sometime. 331 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,517 -That can be arranged. -Oh! 332 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,686 (erotic moaning) 333 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,020 (clattering) 334 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,276 (birds twittering) 335 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,695 Oh, what a wonderful night. 336 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,739 (both sigh) 337 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,868 ...so, killing people together has really spiced things up 338 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,703 in the bedroom. 339 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:32,496 That’s terrific, but I called you here to discuss 340 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,249 your son’s misbehavior on the school bus. 341 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,210 (simultaneous gunshots) 342 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,879 SKINNER: Think of me on Pizza Fridays. 343 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,005 HOMER: No! 344 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:46,135 (dripping sounds) 345 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,019 (doorbell rings) 346 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,355 Trick or treat! 347 00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,398 Beat it, weirdoes! 348 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:01,692 I don’t do Halloween! 349 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,903 You’re supposed to give us candy. 350 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,738 I got your candy right here. 351 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:08,073 (hawks and spits) 352 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,283 -(slams door) -Weirdoes! 353 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,868 She empty-bagged us! 354 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:12,286 What do we do now? 355 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:13,704 Hear me out. 356 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:16,498 It seems to me we gave her a choice: trick or treat. 357 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,626 She didn’t give us a treat, so... 358 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,711 Bart, where are you heading with this? 359 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,880 "Trick or Treat" isn’t just some phrase you chant 360 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,965 mindlessly like The Lord’s Prayer. 361 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,592 It’s an oral contract! 362 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,594 You’re right. We’ve forgotten the old ways. 363 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,347 The ways of rotten eggs and soaped-up windows. 364 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,848 I say we trick her! 365 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,516 Trick her good! 366 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,851 -Yay! -Yes! 367 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:36,894 (doorbell rings) 368 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:40,648 Hmm? 369 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:41,649 (grunting) 370 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,817 (yelling) 371 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,570 May I remind you that I’m your principal’s mother?! 372 00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,656 (yelling) 373 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,658 (laughing) 374 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,368 (chuckles weakly) 375 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,662 (chuckling) 376 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,164 I hope the next people don’t give us anything 377 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,958 so we can trick them too! 378 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,918 Why give ’em a choice? 379 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,878 That trick was sweeter than any treat we’ll get tonight. 380 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,255 I’m concerned we might be heading down a slippery slope. 381 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,966 What do you think, Nelson? 382 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,718 Can’t talk. Lighting poo. 383 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:15,057 ♪ Hey ho, let’s go! ♪ 384 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,768 ♪ Hey ho, let’s go! ♪ 385 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:20,562 ♪ Hey ho, let’s go ♪ 386 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,940 ♪ They’re forming in straight line ♪ 387 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,818 ♪ They’re going through a tight wind ♪ 388 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:27,861 ♪ The kids are losing their minds ♪ 389 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,155 ♪ The blitzkrieg bop ♪ 390 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,408 ♪ Hey ho, let’s go! ♪ 391 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:35,369 -(exploding) -(dog barking) 392 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,788 (screams) 393 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:41,125 (angry muttering) 394 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,002 Excuse me, but this is not good! 395 00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,753 Oh, lighten up. 396 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,548 It’s Halloween-- a night for mischief and merriment. 397 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:48,674 (squealing) 398 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,259 Trick-or-treat! Lick my feet! 399 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,885 Your head smells like pig-butt meat! 400 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,303 (jeering laughter) 401 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,806 Those monsters must be stopped! 402 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,267 FLANDERS: Perhaps, I can be of some assistance. 403 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,479 I’ve got something that will scare 404 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,815 the H-E-double sippy straws out of them. 405 00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:08,360 (pig squealing) 406 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,738 HOMER (muffled): Hold still! 407 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,197 (squealing) 408 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,617 How is this a prank? 409 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,036 Give me back my TV! 410 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,120 I fed your fish. 411 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,913 You overfed them! 412 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,582 You’re the worst one of all! 413 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,709 (bird of prey screeching, wolf howling) 414 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,169 (electrical buzzing, kids gasping 415 00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:28,672 (man screaming repeatedly) 416 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:31,216 Whoa! They turned the church into a haunted house! 417 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,094 "Scaredy cats not wanted"? 418 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,013 Then I am wanted! 419 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,061 Welcome to Heck House! 420 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:45,105 You’re about to discover what a life of sin will get you! 421 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,191 Sin gets us something? Awesome! 422 00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:49,026 I was just in it for the sin. 423 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:51,070 Just get in there! 424 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,529 (evil laughter) 425 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,741 Welcome to eternal darnation! 426 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:58,368 May I have a clean American newspaper, please, 427 00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,953 no "Doonesbury?" 428 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:03,540 Wouldn’t you rather have a bikini magazine? 429 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,042 I guess a little peek won’t hurt me. 430 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,085 (squeaking) 431 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,628 No! 432 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,506 He died as he lived-- like a dork. 433 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,341 (laughing) 434 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,094 No! The lesson here is he’s being punished 435 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,762 for thinking women are beautiful! 436 00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:18,263 (frustrated grunting) 437 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,225 Please, Lord, grant me the power 438 00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:24,019 to psychologically torture them into loving you. 439 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,604 (thunder crashing) 440 00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:26,855 (screaming) 441 00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:33,862 Behold, the las-diddily-ast room of Ned Flanders’s Hell House! 442 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,572 (flames roaring) 443 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,908 (kids screaming) 444 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,076 I warned ya. 445 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,411 And yet my punishment is no less severe. 446 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,746 That’s odd. 447 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,457 (yelling) 448 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:46,458 (grunting) 449 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:49,211 (yelping) 450 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:52,506 Mm-hmm! 451 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,425 Springfield is rife with the seven deadly sins! 452 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,678 Starting with... gluttony! 453 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,679 (flames roar) 454 00:18:58,762 --> 00:18:59,972 (hissing) 455 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,307 (slurping) 456 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,064 More bread, please. 457 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,191 (screaming) 458 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,651 Anger! 459 00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,319 (grunting) 460 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,489 Why won’t you work, you stupid piece of junk?! 461 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,578 (whirring) 462 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,664 I said, why won’t you work?! 463 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,295 Pride! 464 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,088 (tires screeching) 465 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,842 Oh, why did I take pride in my child’s accomplishments? 466 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,760 Sloth! 467 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,262 (hissing) 468 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,264 I thought I was killed by that magic spaghetti! 469 00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:43,265 (snoring) 470 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,059 (screaming) 471 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,394 And the rest! 472 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,730 Lust! 473 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,900 Greed! 474 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,443 (yelps) 475 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,528 And envy! 476 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,947 Oh, how I envy the crotchless. 477 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,075 And this is where sinners spend all of eternity! 478 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:06,371 (screaming) 479 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:09,208 This is what you get for stealing jokes?! 480 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,168 I keep telling you: I’m Hindu! 481 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,961 I regret... nothing. 482 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,296 Stop licking my junk! 483 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,756 It’s my junk, too! 484 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:18,133 (screaming) 485 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,468 We’ll never do any of those sins... 486 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,136 I promise! 487 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,264 All we’ll do from now on is pray and fight in wars. 488 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,432 (satisfied chuckle) 489 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,142 Well, then, my work is done. 490 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,518 (snaps fingers) 491 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,562 That concludes our Halloween show for this year. 492 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,564 I just want to say that for watching this network, 493 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,857 you’re all going to hell! 494 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,026 And that includes FX, Fox Sports 495 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,779 and our newest Devil’s portal, The Wall Street Journal. 496 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,197 Welcome to the club! 497 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,574 (scary music plays) 498 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:50,707 (Adam’s Family type theme music plays) 499 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,586 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 500 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:28,078 (bloodcurdling scream) 501 00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:30,080 (scary pipe-organ music plays) 502 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,125 Enhanced by Fotokem