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00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,047
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,977
(school bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screeching)
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-Oh.
-Hey.
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-(belching)
-Hey.
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(horn honking)
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D’oh!
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00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,357
(screams)
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BART:
Lame, lame,
13
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lame, lame,
have it, lame,
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Superman Dies,
15
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Aquaman Dies, Casper Dies,
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Caveman Robin, Black Robin,
Born-Again Robin.
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{\an8}(gasps) Whoa!
18
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{\an8}The infamous Wolverine comic
with pop-out claws.
19
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{\an8}Why was this
so controversial?
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{\an8}(crying)
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{\an8}Nice work,
22
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{\an8}Doctor Boo-Who.
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{\an8}Your tears have smudged
Wolverine’s iconic sideburns.
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{\an8}Hence, you must buy
this comic.
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{\an8}And the cost of your
innocent accident is...
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{\an8}$25, please.
27
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{\an8}But that’s the money
Yaya Sophia gave me
28
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{\an8}for Greek Orthodox Easter.
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{\an8}I hate when
they tell me things
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{\an8}about themselves.
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00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,458
{\an8}You should stop being
so mean to us kids.
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00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:08,670
{\an8}Well, I suppose you could buy
your comics somewhere else.
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{\an8}Maybe they sell comics
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at the dry cleaners.
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No? Perhaps they sell comics
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at the mattress store.
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No? Or perhaps you could
buy your comics
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at that new comic bookstore
across the street?
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Philip K. Dick.
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It can’t be.
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{\an8}It’s as if Superman moved
to Gotham City.
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{\an8}Which he did, in World’s Finest
Comics number 94.
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See.
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{\an8}That was an imaginary story
dreamt by Jimmy Olsen
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{\an8}after he was kicked
in the head
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{\an8}by Supergirl’s horse, Comet.
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{\an8}It never really happened.
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None of these things
ever really happened.
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{\an8}Get out of my store.
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{\an8}Grand opening!
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{\an8}Hey what up, you guys?
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{\an8}How g-g-g-goes it?
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{\an8}My name’s Milo,
and this is Coolsville.
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{\an8}Now listen,
before everyone chills
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{\an8}with some sweet comic B’s,
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{\an8}everyone gets a free piece
of Japanese hard candy.
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{\an8}One for you.
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{\an8}Short kid in back.
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{\an8}Down low.
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-Go long.
-I got prawn.
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Mmm.
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I got miso.
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Mmm.
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I got dolphin.
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{\an8}Now, I hope you all
like Korean pop covers
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{\an8}of Tom Jones songs,
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{\an8}’cause they’re about
to be blasted.
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{\an8}♪ Hanyong, pussycat? ♪
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{\an8}♪ Wah, wah, wah-ah ♪
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♪ Hanyong, pussycat? ♪
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{\an8}♪ Wah, wah, wah-ah... ♪
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{\an8}♪ Pussycat, pussycat... ♪
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{\an8}(singing in Korean)
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{\an8}Asterix!
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{\an8}Tintin!
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{\an8}I heard these only existed
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in high school French classes.
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Come on, Snowy,
we must save
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the Belgian ambassador
from the Black Orchid Gang.
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-(rumbling)
-What’s that?
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A sound of ignition?
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Zut, alors!
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00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,664
{\an8}This castle is actually
a four-stage rocket--
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00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,416
and it’s headed straight
for the Pompidou Center.
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{\an8}Oh, no, I ripped it.
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{\an8}Hey, no worries,
little lady.
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{\an8}These books are meant to
be read and enjoyed,
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{\an8}not hoarded and then sold
when you get divorced.
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{\an8}-Wow!
-He’s so cool.
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{\an8}All right,
I get it.
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{\an8}You’re cool;
you’re not "mainstream,"
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{\an8}You wear a porkpie hat.
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Mmm... porkpie.
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00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,319
But let’s see what you know
about superheroes
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Hey, I’m all about
the capes.
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Flame on.
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Who’s stronger?
The Thung or The Mulk?
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And show your work.
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Whoa, oh, head rush.
100
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:49,038
Okay, well, the Mulk kicked
a tidal wave
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into the sun,
whereas...
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The Thung gave
a piggyback ride
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to the 1985
Chicago Bears.
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Hoo, boy,
that’s a tough one.
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What do you think?
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You want to know
what I think?
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Does Galactus
eat planets?
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Of course I do.
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Wow.
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I was in such a bad relationship
with my ex-Comic Book Guy,
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I’d forgotten how
good it could be.
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Mmm.
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Bye, Bart.
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Enjoy your funny books.
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(humming)
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Look, Maggie,
I’m Wonder Woman.
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Oh.
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I’ve lost my perfect
26-26-26 figure.
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Never compare yourself
to a standee.
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Hey, you’re way skinnier
than a lot of superheroes.
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Girthquake, Flaberella.
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-Kearney’s Mom.
-Shut up!
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Her depression medication
makes her bloated.
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She’s depressed
’cause you’re so lame.
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Shut up!
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(groaning and grunting)
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Ooh, I’d better
join a gym
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before I go
from hippy to hippo.
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I wish my Mom said cute
things like that.
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She can’t
’cause she’s depressed.
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Shut up.
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(groaning and grunting)
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(gasps) Look at all these
alternative comic book creators.
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Alan Moore,
Art Spiegelman.
135
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,783
Oh, Dan Clowes.
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I really identified
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with the girls
in Ghost World.
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They made me feel
like I wasn’t so alone.
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Yeah, yeah, whatever.
140
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Do you know anyone
who works at Batman?
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’Cause I really want
to draw Batman.
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I’m awesome at
utility belts.
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Check these out.
144
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This is where the Batman
keeps his money
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in case he has to
take the bus.
146
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,221
Mm-hmm.
147
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Alan Moore,
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you wrote my favorite issues
of Radioactive Man.
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Oh, really.
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00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,979
So you like that I made
your favorite superhero
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00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,400
a heroin-addicted jazz critic
who’s not radioactive?
152
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,526
I don’t read
the words.
153
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,152
I just like
when he punches people.
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How do you make his costume
stick so close to his muscles?
155
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(sighs)
156
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:52,078
Mr. Moore, will you sign
my DVD of Watchmen Babies?
157
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,664
Which of the babies
is your favorite?
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You see what those bloody
corporations do?
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00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,044
They take your ideas
and they suck them!
160
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Suck them like leeches until
they’ve gotten every last drop
161
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of the marrow from your bones!
162
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Hey, Teacup,
why don’t you chill out?
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(sighs)
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Very well.
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00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,557
(chuckling)
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♪ Oh, little Lulu,
I love you-lu, just the same. ♪
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Ah!
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Attention,
comic book aficionados!
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This man
is not one of us!
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00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,113
He has a girlfriend!
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00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:28,114
(shocked gasps)
172
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:29,115
My name’s Strawberry.
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My purse is a lunchbox.
174
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,537
Now listen up,
my wayward little fanboys.
175
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,747
I have the most wonderful news.
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00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:40,751
My store now sells
ninja weapons.
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00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:44,547
Whoa! You would sell weapons
of the Orient to children?
178
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,340
That is weak.
179
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,758
Face the facts,
has-been.
180
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,761
This man is the comic book guy
our town deserves.
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00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,890
Very well, I guess
the mature thing to do is...
182
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:54,974
(crazed screaming)
183
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:55,892
(breaks glass)
184
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,144
(glass shatters)
185
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,355
(papers flutter)
186
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,357
(stilted):
Oh, no! The store’s in trouble!
187
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:07,320
League of Extraordinary
Freelancers, activate!
188
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,157
Maus is in the house!
189
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,909
(grunting)
190
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,828
How do ya like this punch line?
191
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,710
(grunting)
192
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:23,711
Hmm.
193
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:26,923
Ooh, L.A!
194
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,758
This could be
the gym for me.
195
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,551
(techno music blaring)
196
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,428
You’re gonna get
so ripped here.
197
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,056
We’ve got Tummy Tone
with Sasha,
198
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,892
Power Bounce
with Zach D.,
199
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,311
Zen Abs
with Zach G.,
200
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:43,397
and you’ve just gotta try
Mommy and Me kickboxing!
201
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,899
(kids grunting)
202
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,447
Hmm. Hmm.
203
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,657
Ooh!
204
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,575
Aah!
205
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,370
Who thought walking could be
so difficult?
206
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,331
Well, I’m sure everyone else
is having trouble, too.
207
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:03,251
♪ Oh, here it goes, here it
goes, here it goes again ♪
208
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,336
♪ Now, aw, here it goes again ♪
209
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,881
♪ I should’ve known, should’ve
known, should’ve known again ♪
210
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,466
♪ Oh, but here it goes again ♪
211
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,677
♪ Oh, here it goes... ♪
212
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,637
(sighing):
Maybe I’ll just hit the showers.
213
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,180
Hmm.
214
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:20,560
(humming)
215
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,353
Marge,
you missed a spot.
216
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:23,646
Aah!
217
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:29,110
Oh, I wish there was a gym
for us regular ladies.
218
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:30,194
Hmm.
219
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,247
Mm... hmm.
220
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:46,127
"Rules: no men, no cell phones,
no mirrors, no shame."
221
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,422
Marge, I wish you well,
but why would women want to go
222
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:52,258
to a gym if there were
no men there watching them
223
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,342
and judging them?
224
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:59,599
We’re gonna be rich!
225
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,892
We can finally start
a family!
226
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,102
We have a family.
227
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:04,145
A better one!
228
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,067
Switch stations!
229
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:12,111
(bell rings)
230
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,696
I love this gym.
231
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,364
Me, too!
232
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,701
Finally, an exercise bike
for women of a certain age--
233
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,620
Jurassic!
234
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,831
(laughing like Phyllis Diller)
235
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,460
Mom, every workout appointment
is booked up for months!
236
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,504
We’ll have to open
a second Shapes.
237
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,300
We just need to find
a vacant rental property. Hmm.
238
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,929
(sobbing)
239
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:43,434
I can’t believe the labor board
is shutting me down!
240
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,394
You lock your workers in
at night.
241
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,147
It’s so they can’t tell
their stories!
242
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,024
Mr. Krusty came
to my village.
243
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,776
He said he would marry me.
244
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:52,985
No ring!
245
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,695
Just fill apple pies
all day!
246
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,530
Ow!
247
00:10:56,614 --> 00:11:00,576
♪ I’ve got the brains,
you’ve got the looks ♪
248
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,037
♪ Let’s make lots of money ♪
249
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,999
(cheering, whistling)
250
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,210
Today’s guest created
the women’s-only gym
251
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:12,046
that’s taking
the tri-county area by storm:
252
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:14,465
(singsongy):
Marge... Simpson!
253
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,842
(applause, cheering)
254
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,806
Marge, I thank you
for creating Shapes
255
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,684
and, uh, my boyfriend
thanks you, too.
256
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,353
AUDIENCE:
Ooh!
257
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,814
When is Straightman
gonna pop the question?
258
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,024
Uh, uh...
259
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,402
You’re all getting
German cuckoo clocks!
260
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,611
(excited screaming)
261
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,862
You’re getting
a cuckoo clock!
262
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,199
And you’re getting
a cuckoo clock!
263
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,076
And you’re
getting a cuckoo clock!
264
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,745
(screaming)
265
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:52,712
Oh, yeah, Marge, I love these
business trips of yours.
266
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:53,713
(gasps)
267
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,424
The TV remote
isn’t nailed on!
268
00:11:56,507 --> 00:12:00,469
My whole life, I’ve never been
in a hotel that trusted me.
269
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:11,147
Hors d’oeuvres,
big fancy desserts...
270
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,524
and my wife is paying
for everything.
271
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,277
Now I know why pimps
are so happy.
272
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,822
Yep, nothing beats
living on "wife-support."
273
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,408
(chuckles):
I hear that.
274
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,952
Yo guys, come meet
a new husband!
275
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:26,871
Hey, how ya doin’?
I’m Homer.
276
00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:29,957
My wife invented a gym
for "regular" women.
277
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,292
Ooh!
278
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,626
My wife invented "SkyPills."
279
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,545
She, uh, mixed vitamins
with Alka-Seltzer
280
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:35,838
and pretended it was medicine.
281
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,923
I pay ten dollars a tube
for those!
282
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,508
That’s why I drive a Bentley.
283
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,886
Yeah, I haven’t decided
what kind of new car to get.
284
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,721
Well, you’d better
decide soon.
285
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,014
’Cause I have a feeling
your wife will
286
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,766
also be getting
a "new model."
287
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,684
Yeah, she’ll be
"trading up."
288
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,227
And they’re not talking
about cars.
289
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,645
(derisive laughter)
290
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,397
Are you sure they’re not
talking about cars?
291
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:54,982
Because those
are car words.
292
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,067
Homer, we’re
all second husbands.
293
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,195
As soon as our wives
hit it big,
294
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,739
they dumped the fat old guys
they were with and married us.
295
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,115
Yes!
Yes!
296
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,825
Marge won’t dump me.
297
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,535
I’m the anchor that
keeps her weighed down.
298
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,037
Mm-hmm.
299
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,205
Here’s how it starts:
300
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,831
she gets a total makeover,
301
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,541
and she starts wearing
fancy new clothes.
302
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,710
Then she stops wanting
to tell you about her day.
303
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,170
Wha...?
304
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,714
Here’s how you know
she’s really about to go:
305
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,091
your wife seems happy
and full of life.
306
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,511
That will never happen!
307
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,972
Marge! Marge!
308
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,059
(gasps)
309
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,644
A makeover!
310
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,896
Oh, my God! The prophecy
is being fulfilled.
311
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,105
(grunts)
312
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,607
Hmm.
313
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,568
Um, so, tell me
about your day.
314
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,404
Oh, you don’t want to hear
about my boring old day.
315
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,114
I do! I do!
316
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,992
Well, the first inspirational
speech of the day
317
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,119
was by the woman
who climbed Mount Everest
318
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,871
and got everyone else killed.
319
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,414
Hey, the networks
have different channels
320
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,749
in this city.
321
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,959
That’s okay.
322
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,752
I don’t care
that you don’t care.
323
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,878
Go watch your thing.
324
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,341
Are you happy
and full of life?
325
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:05,386
I sure am!
326
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:08,222
(crying)
327
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,773
(piano playing gentle melody,
crowd chatter)
328
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,944
Marge, now that
you’re rich,
329
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,821
you really should get
rid of that bag.
330
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,284
Really? But I’m so used
to my old one.
331
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:29,869
Old one?
332
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,662
They’re convincing Marge
to dump me!
333
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:32,872
Oh, it’s easy.
334
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,498
I get a new one
every two years.
335
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,749
From Italy!
336
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,877
You would love
a big black one.
337
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,587
Oh!
338
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,255
Marge, get away
from them!
339
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,132
What’s gotten
into you?
340
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,093
I’m going to the successful
ladies room!
341
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,469
(grumbles)
342
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,805
(whimpering)
343
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,223
You guys got
to help me!
344
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,725
If Marge leaves,
345
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:55,019
I’ll have nothing
except my many friends
346
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,521
and half the fortune
she is now making
347
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,148
and will continue to make.
348
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,692
Homer, I’m going
to let you in on a secret.
349
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,360
I am a first husband.
350
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,570
I used to look like this.
351
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,196
Huh?
352
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,531
What’s your secret?
353
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,824
Oh, there’s no secret.
354
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,367
-Just hard work....
-Uh-huh.
355
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,077
...exercise two hours a day...
356
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,330
-Okay.
-...keep up with
the latest fashions...
357
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,166
-Fashions.
-...and of course, cut out
all the fatty foods and alcohol.
358
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,918
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
359
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,630
Got it. I know just what
it’ll take to hang on to Marge.
360
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,847
Mr. Simpson,
let me outline
361
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,184
the gastric bypass
surgery procedure for you, okay?
362
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,186
We put a band
around your stomach
363
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,271
so that no solid food
may enter.
364
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,274
You see, just like so.
365
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,027
It’s a very, very
serious operation.
366
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,613
You should only undergo
it as a last resort.
367
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:49,740
Please, Doc.
I know I’m not
368
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,200
the greatest-looking guy
in the world,
369
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,536
but I took care of my family,
and that used to be enough.
370
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,996
But not anymore.
371
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,748
Very well.
If you wish,
372
00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:00,042
we can perform the procedure
in the office today.
373
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,503
And I know
how I can knock myself out.
374
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,254
I’ll look
at your bill.
375
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,006
Hmm.
376
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,883
I guess, considering all
the training you’ve received,
377
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,218
this is quite reasonable.
378
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,887
I’ve never seen anything
so reasonable!
379
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,516
It’s the bargain
of a lifetime!
380
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:16,934
And...
(thudding)
381
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,352
(birds singing)
382
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,561
Dad, are
you okay?
383
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:23,023
I see food on your
plate instead of
blurring motions.
384
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:26,610
Kids, your daddy underwent
a special procedure
385
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:29,279
so he can be more attractive
to your mother.
386
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:30,489
You had your hot dog plumped?
387
00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:32,783
No, I had my stomach stapled!
388
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,164
(whirring)
389
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,250
(louder whirring)
390
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,877
(very loud whirring)
391
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:46,672
(extremely loud whirring)
392
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,804
Oh!
393
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,056
All food tastes like
barf now.
394
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,975
(crickets chirping)
395
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:00,060
Homie, I’m back!
396
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,729
(gasps)
397
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:04,106
(romantic instrumental
music plays)
398
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,859
Welcome home, Marge.
399
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:10,112
You remembered
I like romance!
400
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:14,033
A smart successful woman
like you deserves the very best.
401
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,577
You also remembered
I like flattery!
402
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:20,581
Do you like guys who are...
attractive?
403
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,584
Homie, you
look good!
404
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,586
All for you, baby.
405
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,546
Let me get a good look at you!
406
00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:29,506
Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
407
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,008
Slow down, sexy beast.
408
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,469
Why don’t you take some time
to savor the front?
409
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:34,887
What are you
hiding from me?
410
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,263
Is it chocolate?
411
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,806
Uh, it used to be.
412
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,058
Whoa!
413
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,643
Those buns
are poppin’ fresh!
414
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,395
Yeah, I’m gonna turn
off the lights now.
415
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,230
(Homer moans)
416
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,982
MARGE:
And I’ll just fold
this old sweaty blanket
417
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,358
and put it in the closet.
418
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,235
-(stretching skin squeaking)
-HOMER:
Oh!
419
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,529
-(door closing)
-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
420
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,908
Doctor, I’m embarrassed
to show my body to my wife,
421
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,327
and it’s all because
of your surgery!
422
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,205
You want me
to unstaple your stomach?
423
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:04,124
No, I want you to give me
every other surgery you have
424
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,542
so I can look good!
425
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,961
And can you call it
an aortic valve replacement
426
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,546
so my insurance will cover it?
427
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:10,923
No problem.
428
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,549
Okay.
429
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,301
Count backwards
from ten.
430
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,552
Fine, I admit it.
431
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:16,970
I’m drunk!
432
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,103
And so, to honor
her success,
433
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:27,314
I bestow upon Marge Simpson
this $100 gift card
434
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,566
to Sweatpants Etcetera.
435
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:30,901
Hmm.
436
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,945
Did someone order
a super stud?
437
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:34,780
Ooh.
438
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:37,157
My implants feel itchy.
439
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,118
Yes, I was out
of silicone rubber,
440
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,203
so I used
rolled-up socks.
441
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:43,956
(all gasping)
442
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,457
He’s a monster!
443
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:46,708
Pitchforks, everyone.
444
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,795
CROWD:
Monster! Monster!
445
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,297
Monster! Monster!
446
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,091
(screams)
447
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,093
(crowd shouting angrily)
448
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:57,636
Cut his heart out!
449
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,721
(crowd clamoring)
450
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,768
CROWD:
Different from us!
451
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,895
Different from us!
Different...
452
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,398
Listen, Homer,
I got to be honest with you.
453
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,400
You’d better not
make me cry,
454
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,819
’cause I don’t know where
my tear ducts are anymore.
455
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,404
I appreciate you trying
456
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,532
to become more attractive
for me, but the truth is,
457
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:21,660
I’m way too successful
for you now.
458
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,079
I’m getting me
a trophy husband!
459
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,207
(sobbing)
460
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,750
(squeaking)
461
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,378
I don’t want to live
without you, Marge.
462
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,088
-Okay.
-(grunts)
463
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:37,342
(echoing):
No!
464
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,844
(Homer groaning)
465
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:40,095
What...?
466
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,305
(gasps)
467
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,098
Why do I look
like me again?
468
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,308
The doctor
called me
469
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,226
about all the crazy
surgeries you wanted,
470
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,228
and I said no.
471
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,397
But I did have him unstaple
your stomach
472
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,483
and turn you back
into the sweet man I love.
473
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,068
Then it was all
a dream?
474
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,571
I never became
a hideous monster?
475
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,740
The only person who thinks
you’re a monster is the one
476
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,158
who had to give you
a sponge bath.
477
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,118
(kissing sounds)
478
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,579
And Dad, I hope
you learned something from this.
479
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:06,955
I sure have.
480
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,249
Plastic surgery
is a mistake,
481
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,835
because it hasn’t been perfected
to where you look really good.
482
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,129
When it is,
everyone should get it.
483
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,422
Amen.
484
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,382
Mmm.
485
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,551
Listen, Marge,
486
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,553
I’ve been wondering
all these years,
487
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,932
what is it about
me that you find
so irresistible?
488
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,267
Let’s face it--
you could do better.
489
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,228
Well, maybe I could.
490
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,230
But every time
I look at you,
491
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:35,025
I see the same adorable boy
I fell in love with.
492
00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:37,110
Aw.
493
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:40,948
Well, there’s nothing
like a happy ending.
494
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,658
Holy heavens!
495
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,035
Is that a meteor
heading for the earth?
496
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:46,161
Maybe.
497
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,789
But tonight there’s a benefit
for underpaid comic book artists
498
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:49,957
of the forties and fifties.
499
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,125
To the cash bar!
500
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,877
(whooshing)
501
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:57,881
(rumbling)
502
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,719
(Jack Black singing "What’s New
Pussycat?" in Korean)
503
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:11,103
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
504
00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:47,472
JACK BLACK:
Might be some wrong words
in there, but, uh,...
505
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:48,557
...pretty much nailed it.
506
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,351
Enhanced by Fotokem