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00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,297
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:07,716
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,552
D’oh!
4
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:11,469
(screams)
5
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,322
(Moe grunting)
6
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,741
Can I help you
with that, sir?
7
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,743
{\an8}Oh, no. I ain’t tippin’
some jerk two bucks
8
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,619
{\an8}to tie a TV to my car.
9
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Mama Moe didn’t raise no fools.
10
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(grunts)
11
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{\an8}(glass breaking)
12
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:45,545
{\an8}Well, I guess
I can just keep watching DVDs
13
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{\an8}by following family vans around.
14
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Big Bird in China?
15
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,303
Won’t Grover get lonely?
16
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,679
Oh, no, wait.
17
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He’s hangin’ out
with Derek Jeter.
18
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,601
Now ignore all the fancy
shmancy thingamajigs, boy.
19
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,729
We’re just gonna get
a camera battery and go home.
20
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Interested in
a car stereo?
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00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,316
No, thanks. Just here
for a battery.
22
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,525
Big special
on camcorders!
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00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,943
All I want
is a battery.
24
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Care to make
love, sir?
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Battery, battery, battery!
26
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,948
Hmm...
27
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,784
No...
28
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Bingo!
29
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{\an8}One battery, please.
30
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{\an8}That’ll be 50 cents,
31
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{\an8}or free with the purchase
of a $200 TiVO
32
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{\an8}plus a two-year contract.
33
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{\an8}Sold!
34
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{\an8}(chuckles)
Sucker.
35
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{\an8}Sir, your TiVO?
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{\an8}My what now?
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HOMER:
Oh, no.
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00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,515
{\an8}Oh! Come on, Lisa!
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{\an8}The TV’s been off
for five whole minutes!
40
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{\an8}The TiVO is installed!
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{\an8}Now we can watch shows
and skip the commercials!
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("Itchy and Scratch" theme music
abruptly cuts in)
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{\an8}(giggling)
44
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,879
{\an8}(muffled groans)
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Will Itchy win again,
or will something else happen?
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{\an8}We’ll find out right after
these ten commercials.
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{\an8}Oh, no, we won’t!
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(melodic clicking)
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ALL:
Whoa!
50
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,352
{\an8}(chuckles)
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00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,021
{\an8}I spit on your corpse,
advertiser-supported television!
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00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:30,066
{\an8}BOTH (laughing):
Yeah!
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{\an8}And now for
the exciting conclusion!
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{\an8}Oh, the hilarity!
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{\an8}Mmm.
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{\an8}Without the commercial
interruption,
57
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,627
{\an8}I could really
follow the story.
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00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,630
{\an8}TiVo, you’ve got a season pass
to my heart.
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{\an8}Ooh, Opal!
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00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,766
Sounds like you’ve given
us some words to eat by.
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Doctor Chef will be back
after these messages!
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(applause and cheering,
theme music playing)
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{\an8}Here’s a message for you.
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00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,566
{\an8}Ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop!
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{\an8}(applause and cheering)
66
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Welcome back.
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I have some big, big news.
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00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,072
My boyfriend Straightman
just proposed...
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(cheering and whistling)
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...that we go on separate
vacations again this year!
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{\an8}(cheering and whistling)
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{\an8}Hmm. I think
I’ll speed through the cheering.
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{\an8}(melodic beeps)
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{\an8}(grumbles)
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Oh, TiVo remote,
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{\an8}you’ve changed my life.
77
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{\an8}I’ve gotten so much
accomplished.
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00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,346
{\an8}I saved Lost,
watched all of Rome in a day,
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00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:43,473
{\an8}and got through
Two and a Half Men
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00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,266
{\an8}in two and a half minutes.
81
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,269
{\an8}Then I ran out of space
and had to choose
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00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,397
{\an8}between Sophie’s Choice
and Schindler’s List.
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{\an8}Why is everything
Hollywood makes so excellent?
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Why?
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KEITH OLBERMANN:
Marge Simpson!
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(gasps)
87
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Keith Olbermann?!
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That’s right,
89
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,662
{\an8}content burglar Marge Simpson!
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00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,705
{\an8}You’ve been watching TV shows,
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00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,083
{\an8}but skipping the commercials
that pay for them.
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00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:13,378
{\an8}That makes you...
the worst person in the world!
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(spooky organ music plays)
94
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:18,466
Oh, lighten up.
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You TV fat cats have
plenty of money.
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00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:23,680
My cousin Maureen saw you flying
in business class!
97
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,307
I was upgraded against my will!
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00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,559
{\an8}Look, Marge, you think
I’m handsome, don’t you?
99
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:29,560
Of course.
100
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:30,853
{\an8}Well, it takes a team
101
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,981
{\an8}of 20 people
to keep me that way!
102
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,649
{\an8}Without ad money,
103
00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:37,110
{\an8}I’d look like a swamp monster
from a child’s nightmare!
104
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,279
{\an8}And under here,
I’ll look even worse.
105
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,114
{\an8}Then it gets better.
106
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,366
{\an8}(voice resonating):
Then even worse!
107
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,201
Stop it! Stop it!
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I’ll watch the commercials!
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(labored breathing)
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(melodic beep)
111
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That’s why this is the only mop
endorsed by me,
112
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,503
former NFL draft pick
Ryan Leaf.
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00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,796
(melodic beeps)
114
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,214
Mom, what
are you doing?
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I’m honoring
America’s advertisers.
116
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Then we’re going to buy some
toothpaste, lease a new car,
117
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,012
and vote yes on Prop 87.
118
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No! No!
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Prop 87 lets big
polluters off the hook!
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Impossible!
121
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Their commercial featured
a talking frog.
122
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So tell those idiots
in the state capital
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to let Union Carbide
do their thing.
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ANNOUNCER:
Paid for by Cartoon Frogs
For Wetlands Destruction.
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00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,572
(upbeat banjo music playing)
126
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Howdy, folks!
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Are you tired
of family arguments
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00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,952
over where to go to dinner?
129
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,914
Sometimes I think about gettin’
on a bus and never comin’ back.
130
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,293
Why not try Wes Doobner’s World
Famous Family Style Rib Huts?
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The rib joint
with something for everyone.
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Good luck
with my finicky appetite.
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-We’ve got ribs.
-Sold!
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Plain noodles.
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-Ugh.
-With butter.
136
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Yowza!
137
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-Texas tofu!
-Yummy, yumma!
138
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And the easiest placemat puzzle
in the state.
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00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:52,935
Let me at it!
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00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,479
(tune of "For He’s a Jolly Good
Fellow"): ♪ We’re going ♪
141
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♪ To a restaurant
grand opening ♪
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♪ We’re going
to a restaurant grand opening ♪
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00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:01,361
♪ We’re going to a restaurant
grand opening ♪
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♪ But don’t fill up on bread ♪
145
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♪ That’s how they get ya. ♪
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MARGE:
That’s odd. There doesn’t seem
to be anyone here.
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More ribs for me!
148
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There aren’t
any tables
149
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or chairs.
150
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,667
More ribs for me!
151
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:19,796
I see no grill,
oven or food of any kind.
152
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,422
More ribs for me?
153
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:22,840
(door slams shut,
locks and bolts clinking)
154
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,092
(all gasping)
155
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,886
Hello, Simpsons.
156
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:30,556
(evil cackle)
157
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,683
Finally, some service.
Now listen.
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00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,936
We want to sit under a cool
state license plate.
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Michigan or better.
160
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,814
SIDESHOW BOB VOICE:
Silence!
161
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,066
You’ve all stumbled
into my ingenious trap.
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That voice! Oh!
163
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,195
That commercial was a trick,
164
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,989
specifically designed
to lure our family here!
165
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,076
And Wes Doobner’s World Famous
Family Style Rib Huts
166
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,495
is actually an anagram.
167
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:55,415
Welcome to Sideshow Bob’s World
Famous
168
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:58,918
Family Style Return!
169
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,211
(all screaming)
170
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,546
ALL:
Sideshow Bob!
171
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,631
And now you’re all going to die,
172
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,383
just because you watched
a television commercial!
173
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:06,884
Oh, next time a commercial
comes on,
174
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,719
I’m gonna close my eyes,
cover my ears
175
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,221
and scream as loud as I can.
176
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,223
(Homer screaming)
177
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:15,852
Before you die,
178
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,019
perhaps you’d like to know
179
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,814
how I engineered
my ultimate revenge.
180
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:21,607
I’d like to know
if Wes Doobner is aware
181
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,734
of what you’re doing
in his restaurant.
182
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,778
I’m Wes Doobner.
183
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,613
Mr. Doobner, I have
a complaint:
184
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,949
I work hard, and when I
go out with my family,
185
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,534
I expect a certain
level of basic--
Shut up!
186
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,411
Now, since last
we met...
187
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,288
Oh great, here it comes--
188
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:36,622
all the boring things
you’ve done
189
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,374
since the last time
you didn’t kill us.
190
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,209
You never ask
what we’ve been up to.
191
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,836
We went to the strawberry patch
192
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,713
and I picked the most
strawberries!
193
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:44,755
Shut up!
194
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,674
This time, to liven up my tale,
195
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,134
I brought along some visual
aides.
196
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,302
Just call me...
197
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,554
Slideshow Bob!
198
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,681
Nobody do it.
199
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,892
Here, we see Krusty helping you
escape my clutches in Rome.
200
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,811
After that, my family and I
fled to England,
201
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:02,106
where I found work
as a chimney brush.
202
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,652
Here’s Buckingham
Palace...
203
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,070
Sorry, there’s
a lot of these...
204
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,489
Bear with me.
205
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:15,870
Yeah, yeah,
we’ve all been to England.
206
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,538
Is this going somewhere?
207
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,625
I never stopped
plotting my revenge.
208
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,126
I snuck into America amidst
209
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,378
a bunch of undocumented
Canadian comedy writers
210
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,715
for The Jimmy Kimmel Show,
whatever that is.
211
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:31,511
Then, it was merely a matter
of constructing my trap...
212
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:35,723
and producing the commercial
that lured you to your dooms.
213
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,934
Which, by the way, got me
an offer to direct a feature.
214
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:38,935
Which one?
215
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:39,977
"The Hills Have Eyes Three:
216
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,437
The Hills Still Have Eyes".
217
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,272
And now, the moment we’ve all
been waiting for...
218
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,149
Finally, the ribs.
219
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,150
You shall all
perish
220
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,652
in a tragic accident
221
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,029
caused by a defective laptop
battery,
222
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:54,116
that will overheat, then
explode, setting off this TNT.
223
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,159
(all gasp)
224
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,452
Let’s not tarry--
225
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,912
as Shakespeare said,
226
00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,205
"If it were done
when ’tis done,
227
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,666
then ’twere best
it were done quickly."
228
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:02,667
Power on.
229
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,046
(maniacal laughter)
230
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:11,467
This time,
I’ve made no mistakes.
231
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,511
Actually,
you made one.
232
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,513
What Shakespeare
really said was,
233
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,557
"Twere well it were done
quickly."
234
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,352
Yes, I’m sure, you’ve studied
the Immortal Bard extensively
235
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:24,480
under your Miss Hoover.
236
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,066
Macbeth, act one,
scene seven.
237
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,776
Look it up!
238
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,779
I shall.
239
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,120
Come on, Wikipedia,
240
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:41,372
load, you unwieldy behemoth--
241
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:42,748
(explosion)
242
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,042
Oh, dear--
243
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:49,880
Sideshow Bob,
"hoist on his own petard."
244
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,091
It’s "hoist with
his own petard."
245
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,718
Oh, get a life.
246
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,512
Yet another new
restaurant fails.
247
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,180
Ten-time attempted murderer
248
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,807
and celebrity Jeopardy
runner-up
249
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,768
Sideshow Bob is in
custody again.
250
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,230
(grunts)
Hmm...
251
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,865
{\an8}BAILIFF: Next case...
People versus Sideshow Bob.
252
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,575
Is the defendant’s attorney
present?
253
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,161
Your Honor, I choose
to represent myself.
254
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,579
And let me say...
255
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,372
I did try to kill the Simpsons.
256
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,708
-I truly did.
-(audience gasping)
257
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,336
Okay, if he doesn’t
say "but" right now,
we are home free.
258
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,462
-But...
-Damn it!
259
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:30,421
I plead not guilty,
260
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,340
by reason of insanity!
261
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:35,426
Insanity caused
by my persecution
262
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:38,220
at the hands
of this young boy.
263
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,680
Young?
264
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,057
I’m the oldest kid in my class!
265
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,266
By like two years.
266
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,101
For my first witness
I call my father,
267
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,354
Dr. Robert Terwilliger,
Senior.
268
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,189
Look, that’s Sideshow
Bob’s mother--
269
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,982
Dame Judith
Underdunk!
270
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,985
She’s the greatest
classical actress
of her generation.
271
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,737
Dame Judith,
you were brilliant
272
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,364
in Troilus
and Cressida.
273
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,948
Did they name
the Toyota Cressida
274
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,909
after the play, or the
play after the car?
275
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,953
My son is on trial for his life.
276
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,914
I’m sorry,
I know this is a terrible time.
277
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:05,998
So just answer quick.
278
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,625
Play first,
then car.
279
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,794
I just lost
a thousand dollars.
280
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,587
Robert was
a peaceful boy,
281
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,172
sickly and weak
282
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,674
from a congenital heart defect.
283
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,342
ALL:
Aw.
284
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,136
But then that Simpson boy
started tormenting him,
285
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,555
and he he crossed over
into dementia.
286
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:24,767
To what degree was
this dementia blown?
287
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:25,768
Full.
288
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:26,769
(gasping)
289
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,729
Stop feeling sorry for him!
290
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,564
He’s a homicidal maniac!
291
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,233
-He deserves to fry!
-(gasping)
292
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,568
You see? He knows I’m going
through a rough patch,
293
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:35,945
still he harangues me.
294
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,780
(sobbing)
295
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:41,158
Who among you have
not suffered
296
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,911
at the hands of this
demon scamp
297
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,414
and felt the urge
for retribution?
298
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:50,543
He ordered prank pizzas
to 888 Poopy Pants Lane!
299
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,338
Poopy Pants Lane ends
in the 700 block!
300
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,424
He mocked my folksy ways!
301
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,093
He cheats at Uno!
302
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,308
Bob’s playing all of you
like saps.
303
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,601
This man’s a killer!
304
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:11,814
See how he accuses me--
at my very own trial!
305
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,149
I can take no more!
306
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,109
(sobbing):
I... I...
307
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,944
I didn’t want to use this,
308
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,696
but you’ve left me no choice.
309
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:21,657
Nitroglycerin!
310
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,825
Everybody panic!
311
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:23,826
(all gasp)
312
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,661
Yoink!
313
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,955
Foiled again, freak!
314
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:28,956
(shatters)
315
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:32,168
You don’t understand!
316
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,211
I... I...
317
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,505
(groaning)
318
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,096
That nitroglycerin was medicine
319
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,265
for Robert’s congenital heart
defect!
320
00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,601
To which my earlier testimony
referred.
321
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,647
This man is dead.
322
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:54,648
And you killed him.
323
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:55,649
(gasping)
324
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:56,609
Ew, gross--
325
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:57,985
I’m touching a dead guy!
326
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,825
America has a tradition
of turning outlaws
327
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,620
into legends after their deaths:
Billy the Kid,
328
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,830
Bonnie and Clyde,
Jesus Christ.
329
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:10,873
Joining them now is
330
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,417
Robert "Sideshow Bob"
Terwilliger,
331
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:14,710
whose funeral we’re presenting
332
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,921
with live
shovel-to-shovel coverage.
333
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,298
And there we see
Bob’s grieving parents,
334
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,926
his brother, Cecil, let out
of prison for the occasion,
335
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:25,095
his widow, Francesca,
and his son, Gino.
336
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,473
Also in attendance
are Bob’s colleagues
337
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:28,891
from the world of clowning.
338
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:32,394
A veritable who’s who of ha-ha.
339
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,646
(horn honks)
340
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,484
(gentle piano intro plays)
341
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:47,076
♪ Farewell, Sideshow Bob ♪
342
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:50,871
♪ Your shoes are empty
and the stage is dark ♪
343
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:54,375
♪ Bart stole
your nitroglycerin ♪
344
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:57,837
♪ And then your heart
infarcked ♪
345
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:09,598
♪ And it seems
to me your loyal fans ♪
346
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:13,853
♪ Oughta buy this DVD ♪
347
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:17,398
♪ Of all your best-loved
sketches ♪
348
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,525
♪ On The Krusty Show ♪
349
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,026
(whistle blows)
350
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,446
♪ It’s full of extra features ♪
351
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:28,659
♪ And deleted scenes ♪
352
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:32,580
♪ Like when you fell
and split your pants ♪
353
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:37,126
♪ And we saw
your "Frank and Beans." ♪
354
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,546
(laughing)
355
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,673
(sobbing)
356
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,012
There’s the kid
who killed my best friend!
357
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:51,223
(sobbing)
358
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,224
Buy my DVD.
359
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,060
(crowd booing)
360
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,688
Bart, I know this is nuts,
but try to look sad.
361
00:14:57,771 --> 00:14:58,898
I’m not sad.
362
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,190
I have nothing
to be sad about.
363
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,567
Nothing!
364
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,444
Well, I guess
the rest of us
365
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,029
should pay our respects.
366
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:07,656
(whispering):
Yeah, well, between you and me,
367
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,617
I still can’t
stand him.
368
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,035
(echoes):
I still can’t stand him.
369
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,245
I still can’t stand him.
I still can’t stand him.
370
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,580
I still can’t stand him.
371
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:17,041
I don’t care
about these church jerks.
372
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,460
(echoing):
Church jerks... church jerks...
373
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,962
Homer, your
behavior is heinous.
374
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,297
(echoing):
Anus, anus...
375
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,882
anus, anus, anus...
376
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:27,509
(groans):
Stupid Sideshow Bob.
377
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,470
Even when he’s dead,
he wrecks my life.
378
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,347
I hope he’s in hell
eating a barf burger.
379
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,349
CECIL:
I once felt that way, too.
380
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,184
Hey, aren’t you
Bob’s brother?
381
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,436
Biologically, yes,
but we never got along.
382
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,772
He was always
zigging when I zagged.
383
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,899
That summer when he wanted
to tour the castles of Italy,
384
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,442
I wanted to tour
the castles of France.
385
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:44,610
So we went to Spain,
386
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,028
a compromise that
satisfied no one.
387
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,655
That’s stupid.
388
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,573
You talk like you’re smart,
but you’re stupid.
389
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,076
Anyway, I choose to remember
Bob as the big brother
390
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,702
who taught me
to play Botticelli.
391
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,954
Sounds boring.
392
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,330
Oh, you’d love it.
393
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,165
It’s a guessing game
in which one
394
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,000
player adopts the guise
of a noteworthy--
395
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,795
you’re right, it is boring.
396
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,463
But the only way
you’ll find happiness
397
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:06,215
is by making your
peace with Bob.
398
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,842
Well, I guess I could
say goodbye.
399
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,052
You’d better make it snappy.
400
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,637
They’re cremating him
in 30 minutes.
401
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,973
I’ll be scattering his ashes
over the castles of France.
402
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,724
(laughing)
403
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:16,976
Take that, ashes.
404
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,941
Hey, Bart!
You’re on the front page
405
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,818
of the paper.
406
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,237
I’m going to set things right.
Wanna come with me?
407
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,156
I would, but tonight my dad’s
taking me to the batting cage.
408
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,534
He’s gonna teach me to umpire!
409
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:34,994
Check it out, an official
410
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,870
Major League
ball/strike counter!
411
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:40,666
Ball one, ball two,
strike one...
412
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,626
Bart? Bart?
413
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,717
(doorbell rings)
414
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,093
Hi, Lisa.
415
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,012
Hate to mix
"B" with "P,"
416
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,305
but your family owes
me for two weeks.
417
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,807
Milhouse, have you seen Bart?
418
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,475
Bart Simpson?
419
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,311
I think he went to pay
his respects to Sideshow Bob.
420
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,188
Mind if I sit down for a second?
421
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,024
My feet are killing me.
422
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,651
Feet... killing?!
423
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,695
(gasping):
We’ve got to save Bart!
424
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,281
-Now? But I’m getting
a home perm.
-Now!
425
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:18,579
♪♪
426
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,664
Bob, it’s me, Bart.
427
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,542
I came here to tell you
I never meant for you to die.
428
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,211
I just wanted you to go to jail
and get beat up a lot.
429
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,589
Now everyone wishes I was dead.
430
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,299
Then let’s give
the people
431
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,759
what they want!
432
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,010
(screaming)
433
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,136
Sideshow Bob!
434
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,888
(diabolical laughter)
435
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,309
(grunting)
436
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,310
Huh?
437
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,191
(diabolical laughter)
438
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:50,652
Huh? Oh...
439
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,905
(grunts)
440
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,823
-Bob planned this
from the beginning.
-Uh-huh.
441
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,117
-He wanted to be captured
at the restaurant.
-Yes.
442
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,994
-He would never get
a Shakespeare quote wrong.
-No.
443
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,288
-His mother was
a Shakespearian actress.
-Oh, yeah!
444
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,332
-His father is a doctor.
-A doctor, huh?
445
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,793
-So when Bob collapsed
in the courtroom...
-I remember.
446
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,754
...his father could take that
opportunity to inject Bob
447
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,465
with a powerful drug
that simulated death.
448
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:13,467
-Uh-huh.
-It was a diabolical scheme,
449
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,053
and every member
of his family played a part!
450
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,721
Are you done?
’Cause I’ve been circling
451
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,473
-the funeral home
for ten minutes.
-Yes.
452
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:26,688
Cool, I found a trapdoor that
leads to an underground city.
453
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,899
Here I go!
454
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,652
(mimicking squeaky door opening)
455
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,403
(mimicking footsteps)
456
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,198
Oh, my God, it’s beautiful!
457
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,450
-Are you buying this?
-When they find your ashes,
458
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,285
they’ll think it’s me.
459
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:43,122
And I’ll be far away
with my loving family.
460
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,873
It’s the perfect crime.
461
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,042
And it was
my flawless performance
462
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,545
as the grieving brother
that sealed the deal.
463
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,381
Yes, and Hamlet
is all about Laertes.
464
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,342
Would you please stop
comparing me to Laertes!
465
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,594
If the doublet fits...
466
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,139
(triumphant laughter)
467
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,644
-Stop that cremation!
-(sniffing)
468
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,312
Hey, what smells so good?
469
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,606
Zeus’ pimples!
470
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,362
BART:
Hot! Hot! Hot!
471
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,281
You’re too late, Simpsons!
472
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,907
Eat hobo remains!
473
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,993
(sputtering)
474
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,661
Get me out of here!
475
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:23,996
What are you doing?
476
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,414
I can’t breathe!
477
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,584
Marge, he’s got to get
over his fear of coffins.
478
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,589
Freeze, Sideshow Snobs!
479
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,550
You’re all under arrest.
480
00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:37,843
You have the right
to remain silent,
481
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,136
but I hope you don’t.
482
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,346
It’s a long way to jail
and I like to chitchat.
483
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,975
Wait, I must know.
484
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:48,604
How did you loosen the tiles
of my mosaic of murder?
485
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,939
I grew suspicious
when I saw the casket
486
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,942
had extra room
built-in for your feet.
487
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,819
Why would your family
pay all that extra money
488
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,487
for the comfort
of a dead man?
489
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,366
Damn these glorious gunboats!
490
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,202
Nice try, Bob,
491
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,204
but you didn’t count
on one thing.
492
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,831
-What’s that?
-You stink like my butt!
493
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,583
(hearty laughter)
494
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,876
Take him away!
495
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,630
Oh, why must I feed him
straight lines?!
496
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,256
Uuh-uuh-uuh-uuh-uuh!
497
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,261
Well, this time I think
498
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,932
Sideshow Bob is finally
locked up for good.
499
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:28,143
Yeah, the only thing that’s
going to be hacked to pieces now
500
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,229
is this celebratory cake!
501
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,480
(gasps)
502
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,858
So who wants a nice big slice?
503
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,610
-(all screaming)
-Slash!
504
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,570
Hack! Die!
505
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,322
(maniacal laughter)
506
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,371
There he goes again.
507
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,414
You have 87 years to get
used to it, Father.
508
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,334
East bids two hearts.
509
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,752
Three diamonds.
510
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,170
Three clubs.
511
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,714
(blows landing)
512
00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:58,924
The joke’s not funny
513
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:02,719
and the bid’s
not sufficient.
514
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,473
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
515
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,767
Shh!
516
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,771
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